How to distinguish love from feelings of falling in love, affection, passion, infatuation, friendship, what a person simply likes: comparison, signs, psychology, test. How long does love and infatuation last and can

In this material we will look at the difference between love and infatuation.

Love, sympathy or infatuation, and sometimes just passion - these are the feelings that are familiar to each of us. Well, that’s the way we are made – we will definitely be drawn to another person and we will always have a desire to be attached to someone. Love and infatuation, as well as friendship and affection, go in pairs. Yes, they stand so close and go hand in hand that many of us confuse them or don’t even realize that there is any feeling.

How to distinguish love from the feeling of falling in love: comparison, signs, psychology, test

Love and infatuation are very closely related, they are similar and cannot exist without each other. More precisely, how to say, love will not arise without sympathy and previous love. After all, love takes time. Therefore, these feelings are often confused. Perhaps this is due to the fact that each of us wants to find that very true love. By the way, a lot still depends on the character. There are some individuals who fall in love with a new partner every week. Naturally, in this case we are talking about falling in love.

What are the signs of falling in love? Everyone is familiar with these riots of hormones, butterflies in the stomach, feelings of exaltation - all this is part of the emotional aspect of falling in love.

As they say, “love at first sight” is a myth. Only love can arise. So she will take you by surprise. And we, unfortunately, cannot choose who and when this will happen.
Falling in love begins in a person like the flu. Yes exactly. Some scientists even attribute the status of a disease to this feeling. A person in love experiences mood swings, blood pressure surges and insomnia, and some even experience headaches.
The desire to always be more close to the person you like. Yes, now we are talking about those “chance” meetings.
Lovers want to communicate, talk, act and learn something new about each other every day. And the main thing is to avoid boredom and monotony.
But a person in love often feels absent-minded, confused in his thoughts (this is what leads to delusional first speeches). And what kind of rash actions does falling in love push you to do? If you look at your life in the past, you feel ashamed of yourself. Yes, this point applies more to teenagers, but a person in love is susceptible to them at any age.
How you want to present yourself in the best quality and light. That is, a person in love seems to make it clear that he is the one.

IMPORTANT: Falling in love is more selfish, because a person in such a state, first of all, thinks about himself. He wants to look, touch and be close to him so that he feels good. A person in love rarely wonders what it’s like for his other half. Even if such thoughts arise (purely out of common sense), personal interests and benefits always weigh in the balance.

You can’t be 100% sure of passion (no, for example, girls often have thoughts about a future wedding and children), but external data (smile, eyes, gait) can evoke feelings.
By the way, when interests come into contact, each other’s shortcomings begin to appear, which we may not accept. Some even manage to start a family or create a civil marriage. And then a whole bunch of discontent blossoms.
If you can’t be nearby, then look with your eyes. Yes, a person in love will look for his passion as often as possible (almost constantly). That's why lovers meet their eyes so often.
And also, when we start talking to a person we like, the timbre of our voice involuntarily softens and becomes quieter.

Define feelings
But love already has slightly different characteristics:

The first thing I would like to highlight is time. Love does not arise quickly and spontaneously. It requires time and work on oneself (for both partners). But you can be sure of the duration of such a feeling for many years.
We mentioned that a person in love is only aroused by external data, and shortcomings can be wildly annoying. Then in a state of love we perceive a person as he is. That is, they love him not for his eyes or expensive gifts, but simply for the fact that he exists, he is the best and the only one.
There shouldn't be anyone else. That is, a person becomes everything to you. For example, a girl walks and looks at a handsome guy, but thinks to herself: “This jacket is beautiful, I should buy it for my husband!” You don't pay attention to others and don't even notice their positive qualities.
No, contact is maintained with friends or relatives. Even more than during the period of falling in love. What this means is that no one else evokes such sympathy.
You can just be silent with your loved one. Yes, loving people know how to communicate, as if with a glance or on a telepathic level. And with such a person you feel calm, safe and comfortable. After all, you are in the right place.
In love, there are no thoughts of separation (divorce). Even during a period of quarrels (they happen to everyone - this is also a natural and normal process), a loving person understands that they will make peace, find a compromise and move on with their lives. What else! After all, now they have become halves of one whole.
By the way, those who love do not have “mine” or “yours,” but they are replaced by “ours.” Moreover, both partners not only have common interests, but even common habits and even character traits become a little similar.
The main thing is to always work on yourself. Both partners. This also includes the feeling of forgiveness. Yes, you always need to discuss the problem and look for a compromise.

IMPORTANT: A loving person is always more concerned about the condition of his partner. That is, he does not think about his own benefit or convenience, but so that his beloved feels good and comfortable.

Now let’s touch on their psychological side.

Love:

We all want to continue our lineage. This is inherent in nature and not only in humans, but also in any living creature on the planet. Therefore, such a feeling as falling in love appears. Therefore, one thing can be said – the human body itself encourages the feeling of falling in love.
By the way, falling in love is often deceptive. A person was attracted by external data, and the rest was done by the mind and imagination. And then, when we have to face reality, we become disappointed. In other words, we idealize our partner.
Under the influence of hormones, a person rises, becomes joyful and cheerful. Moreover, the feeling of falling in love also affects our luck. After all, a positive person is doing much better than others. Therefore, falling in love is even beneficial for our body.
And one cannot help but touch upon such an aspect as parents. No, now we are not talking about the love of parents and children. Probably, many have heard that on an unconscious level we choose as partners a person who is similar (if positive aspects are associated with parents) or, conversely, opposite (when parents are associated with negative memories) to our parents.

Now let's talk about love:

Love arises over the years - that's a fact. But there are also some types of love, for example, maternal or brotherly, and there is also love for a neighbor, for the Motherland or work. And, of course, there is sexual love, that is, between a man and a woman, between spouses.
Love is often confused with a feeling of affection or fear of loneliness. But more on that a little later. I just wanted to say a few words about love - a lover will not suppress a partner or create unsuitable living conditions for him, and he will not try to assert himself by any means.
And one cannot fail to note the stages of love. Yes, they exist:
The oversaturation or tipping point is the period when all the shortcomings begin to be noticed. Moreover, the glasses have been removed, and we really don’t like these habits of our partner. And he (or she) does not want to give them up or change them.
Denial or the desire to quit everything arises after rose-colored glasses. It is difficult to find a compromise, the partner has many complaints, and he himself does nothing for the sake of the relationship (and each of the partners thinks so). And then thoughts arise that the ideal option would be separation. Unfortunately, this is the longest period and for most couples it ends in a breakup.
The beginning or birth of love occurs when partners dare to stay together and begin to work on themselves. Once again, do not confuse it with hopelessness or a feeling of attachment. In love, care and tenderness come first for the loved one.
And true love is the final stage. Unfortunately, it can only be achieved by mature partners who have truly experienced both joys and sorrows. Along with love should also come friendship, passion, interest and spiritual closeness. Of course, partners must be able to get along as a team, be responsible and devoted to each other.

Define love
To finally establish the final verdict, we offer you a small test:

Pay attention to your appearance.
Love does not like loud and flashy outfits. It is generally more invisible, and the changes in appearance are minor.
Character and conversations.
In love there is a desire to make your soulmate only better, so that he can feel good. And not only that, but those around you also get the distribution of happiness and help.
What emotions are overwhelming.
The weak point of lovers is their views. There are no longer those jumps (sometimes quiet, sometimes loud), feelings are more stable and calm.
What is the difference between the behaviors?
In love, everything is different - with your family (in love, he becomes like that), you feel at ease and at ease. There is neither the desire nor the need to show yourself from the other, unnatural side.

Sprint or marathon?

Falling in love and love as processes can be compared to running.

Falling in love is always a short race. In this case, a person “throws in” almost immediately all his resources, strength, and emotions.

Love is a marathon. And according to the rules of successful participation in a marathon, you need to accurately understand your capabilities, your strengths and weaknesses, and distribute resources while running.

Love is a long process that requires an investment of energy, time and effort from both partners. Love has its own successive stages of development. It flares up, subsides, flares up with renewed vigor, there are periods of new passion for each other, when the partners seem to get to know themselves and each other again and plunge even deeper into their feelings. Partners consciously build relationships. Being in a long-term relationship, people solve many everyday, social and personal problems.

Falling in love as such is a spontaneous and often linear process. A movement that does not involve emotional investment from partners.

If after the stage of falling in love people understand that they are ready to invest in each other, fully accept their partner, and maintain relationships, then falling in love gently transforms into love. Vivid emotions turn into deep feelings. And every year such love will grow with new nuances of relationships, recognition, recognition and acceptance.

How to distinguish love from feelings of affection: comparison, signs, psychology, test

We have indicated above the symptoms and signs of such a feeling as love. Therefore, we will not go deeper again. Let's talk about affection, which is also often confused with love. Falling in love applies more to schoolchildren and teenagers, but affection is more typical for those partners who have managed to live together.

In general, affection is a feeling of closeness that is based on sympathy or love. As you can see, all these feelings are very closely interconnected.
In a couple where there is affection, one always gives and the other receives. That is, one loves, and the other turns his cheek.
Attacks of jealousy are also more related to affection. The desire to control and completely personally possess a partner does not speak of love at all. Therefore, there is excessive control. There is always room for trust in love!
Fear. An important indicator, since an attached person is afraid of losing a partner. Moreover, they are more concerned about material qualities. This is where the excessive attention comes from.
Also, it is worth noting that there is no development of partners as individuals. That is, loving people can not only develop together, each can have their own hobby or hobby.
And yet, affection, like falling in love, is based on external qualities.
Let's also talk about distances. Attachment can initially lead to sadness, and then, on the contrary, cause a feeling of lightness and freedom.

Love or affection
Therefore, you can easily take a short test:

Again, pay attention to what you like in a partner.
How do you feel after a week off?
You put your interests above those of your partner. Or vice versa?
Now think about your partner’s shortcomings and your attitude towards them

Answer only honestly, and the conclusion can be drawn from the signs described above.

TOP 7 proofs that you are loved

It is sometimes difficult even for psychologists to understand the intricacies of the differences between falling in love and love. What can we say about those people who are under the impression of strong emotions and cannot adequately assess reality. It is for such doubting individuals that we have prepared 7 main signs that you are taken seriously and you can count on mutual feelings:

Desire to touch. At the initial stage of a relationship, tactile contact is very important. A man in love will constantly try to hug you or take your hand while walking in order to feel your closeness and enjoy your company;
Frequent meetings. It is at the beginning of dating that it is most noticeable whether your partner is interested in you. His interest will be evidenced by the frequent meetings that he will organize despite his work schedule and earlier planned events. In addition, another additional confirmation of his sincere passion for you will be his decision to introduce you to his friends - this will already be evidence of his choice and plans for a joint future;
Calls and SMS. A truly passionate guy will find every opportunity to hear his favorite voice again or find out what his chosen one is doing at this moment. At the same time, his calls and messages will not be of the nature of control or verification - he will sincerely be happy to learn about your plans for the day, hear your wishes and offer his options for a meeting;
Gifts and surprises. Some men, as a matter of principle, do not start relationships with expensive gifts. But surprising you with a small surprise or pampering you with flowers will be another evidence of the beginning of his feelings for you;
Sexual attraction. Of course, you will feel that you are attracted to your partner as a woman. He will try in every possible way to compliment your sexuality and femininity. At the same time, a loving man will never forcefully induce sexual intercourse, but will allow the girl to “mature” until the next stage in the relationship;
A true interest in your life. A man who is interested in you will be distinguished from a narcissistic egoist by his manner of communication. The first one will ask about your affairs and problems of real life, and the second one will try to use you as a vest, unloading all his negativity and all his emotions onto you, talking about how he is underestimated, misunderstood, etc.;
Time. The fact that you are valued will be indicated by the fact that your partner will find time for your meetings and communications, and will be able to properly organize his schedule so that you do not feel superfluous or in a secondary role in his life.

Of course, we can also talk about care and attention, spiritual closeness, etc. But having already assessed these 7 signs, you will be able to understand how sincerely they treat you. Turn on your mind and objectively go through all the points, do not allow yourself to be used and drawn into an unhealthy relationship with addiction, from which it is then so difficult to get out. Know how to distinguish between falling in love and don’t be afraid to fall in love yourself - just treat this feeling more wisely, without building crystal castles and without setting excessive demands on your partner.

How to distinguish love from a feeling of passion: comparison, signs, psychology, test

The Kama Sutra interprets love in its own way. Every person has three drives: mind, soul and body. In the first case, respect arises, in the second - friendship, in the third - desire (aka passion). Love is the combination of all three qualities together. We won’t go around in circles for long and repeat ourselves, so let’s get straight to the passion.

Again, it is based only on physical sympathy.
It breaks out like a fire in the forest. But it goes out just as quickly.
Passion often forces you to resolve any conflict in bed. Pay attention to how you resolve your conflicts. In love there is always room for calm conversations, but passion overshadows reason.
A loving person will never insult his partner, but passion allows barbs and rudeness towards the other half.
And an important criterion! Passion can refer to more than one. Love is monogamous (we have already mentioned this above).

To distinguish love from feelings of passion
If we talk about the test, then it is enough to answer the questions from the previous paragraph. Answer honestly and quickly, and also remember (we already mentioned) aspects such as conflict resolution and flirting on the side.

How to distinguish love from feelings of infatuation: comparison, signs, psychology, test

To distinguish a feeling of infatuation from love, and to understand what feeling overwhelms you, you just need to answer the following questions. The feeling of infatuation is very similar to falling in love, but it can even be called the initial stage.

Naturally, answer honestly what attracts you in your partner. Only a few points can be called a hobby. And only external or physical aspects.
How often and for what duration is interest shown. Infatuation is so fleeting (yes, falling in love is more permanent in this matter) that a person very quickly switches to another object. Moreover, a person fades away very quickly. He is busy with other things, and only when reminded can he remember his passion.

Love or infatuation

Again, the topic is how conflicts are resolved. With passion, of course, all roads lead to bed, but attraction is expressed through too emotional perception. Yes, a person begins to react very sharply to any comments. And any quarrel turns into a world-class conflict.
Do you care about your soulmate? This point plays an important role. Yes, love arises gradually and, naturally, people get to know each other in detail. Hobby is selfish in nature and is aimed only at personal gain.
And it is necessary to note this aspect - earthly or supermundane feeling. The fact is that when you are infatuated, you are only interested in earthly needs, which are expressed by thoughts, pleasures and banal actions. Love has no barriers, and for lovers, spiritual closeness comes first.

Signs of love

Love is a long gradual process. It can begin with friendship, sympathy or love, but it is a deeper, more reliable and lasting feeling.
Love is based more on actions than emotions. During this period, people already know well what will make their partner happy. And through their actions they show their love: they care, take responsibility for the family, and so on.
A person is consciously in a love relationship with a loved one; his feelings arise from the depths of his soul, and not from strong passion or infatuation. Affection, mutual trust, respect, and devotion arise between loving people.
Feelings that encourage you to care about another person and take into account his interests. True love means the willingness to live with a person without trying to change him in accordance with your ideal.
Love is the result of deeply getting to know each other, understanding the pain points and “angles” of the partner’s character, and intentionally building communication in such a way that it proceeds with maximum pleasure and efficiency for both.

How to distinguish love from feelings of friendship: comparison, signs, psychology, test

They say that there is never a feeling of friendship between a man and a woman. We will not go too deep into this issue, since this is a “sick” and eternal topic of debate. Perhaps someone's friendship develops into love. Or maybe someone’s feeling of sympathy, on the contrary, will destroy a friendship in a few years. We will consider an example when there is only spiritual intimacy (that is, friendship) or the desire for the body (love) already appears.

How you behave. If it’s easy and relaxed, you’re not afraid to make yourself look funny, then there’s only friendship between you. No, no one experiences tension in love either, but it comes with age. Communication goes to another level, and it is different from all other friendly relationships.
There should be no place for jealousy in friendship. You easily communicate with the passion of a friend (girlfriend) or you can simply discuss the person you like. And no negativity. That is, a person specifically does not want to show his passion in a bad light. Of course, unless circumstances really require it.
Care. No, friends also take care of each other, but lovers do it differently. You cannot allow your loved one to snack on dry meats or junk food (or drink a lot of alcohol), but a friend will sit down for such a meal with you.
Review your time apart. How often do you think about a friend, but think about who he is doing with and what? Friends don’t have such questions. They live their own lives.
How do you feel about your friend’s criticism of you? As a rule, a loving person wants to show his best side. Of course, it’s too early to talk about deep love, but its initial stage will not allow you to listen to reproaches or even humorous barbs addressed to you. A friend’s words are perceived more easily, moreover, you can even laugh at them together.

Distinguishing love from friendship
Of course, you can endlessly consider examples of love and friendship, but to understand your feelings, the above five points are enough.

No flaws, perfect in everything.

When falling in love, a person experiences a lot of positive emotions when communicating with a loved one. Pleasure hormones literally fill the entire body and turn off critical thinking. The chosen one has no flaws, everything is perfect, specially created for you! Why is that?

The purpose of nature is reproduction. And falling in love is an excellent tool for procreation. Just remember how many marriages were concluded because of being pregnant?

At the same time, filters of ideality arise not only among young people and girls, this happens at all ages, regardless of life experience.

But love, on the contrary, is well aware of the shortcomings of a loved one, at the same time, it fully accepts them and does not justify them.

How to distinguish love from the feeling that you just like a person: comparison, signs, psychology, test

We won't beat around the bush. Since we have considered several options, simple sympathy is similar to ordinary love or infatuation. The only difference is that we can like many representatives. One person you like has beautiful eyes, another has a smile, and the third jokes well. But! They all have negative sides, which we immediately notice.

That is, in a simply sympathetic person, we identify only one or two qualities that we like.
And this is necessarily either external data, or just some kind of behavior.
There is no desire to be around all the time. You can have your own life, but remember your passion only when necessary.
When we like a person, we always feel embarrassed and awkward.
And sympathy can fade away very quickly, and in general is characterized by its inconstancy. If someone appears with more beautiful eyes, attention will shift to him.

How true love differs from other feelings: psychology

We have indicated what the main features of each of the feelings are and how to recognize them. Therefore, we will not repeat ourselves, but simply summarize the information.

Love is a feeling that arises gradually and after a certain time.
A person is loved in the big picture, yes, for his soul (as they often say). No, external data is also important, but is not put in first place.
Love includes friendship, passion, and spiritual intimacy.
Love is not idealized like other feelings. A person is perceived with all the pros and cons. And they love him because he simply exists and is nearby.
Love does not require constant presence (like falling in love), control (like affection), and at a distance or over time it does not pass or fade away (like infatuation).

The difference between love and other feelings

In love, they always put their soul mate above their hobbies, comforts and even happiness. More precisely, for a loving person it is to ensure that the partner feels good.
You can have your own entertainment, hobbies and even different friends. But this does not become a reason for jealousy and conflicts on this basis. This is what love is.
We also don’t forget to pay attention to those around us. Love has enough time, attention, and even a piece of your happiness for everyone. Other feelings are simply fixated on one person until they go out. Or until they grow into something bigger and higher.
And once again we will touch on the topic of conflicts. In love, quarrels become rare over time. Yes, the reason for this is that you perceive your partner entirely and completely, and with all the shortcomings. Moreover, solving them is also easier. Conversations are calmer, and compromise is easier to find.

The fifth difference between love and falling in love is whether I can let go of my loved one?

First, I will say about love... when you love, then you trust your loved one, and you have no fear of losing him or that he will leave you and love someone else.

Why?

Because you want him to be happy.

And this does not mean that he should be happy only with you. And if suddenly he meets someone else and tells you about it, then, despite your pain, let him go. Because you want him to be happy.

And if you talk about love, but are not ready to let go, then you do not have love, but fear. Fear of loss, fear of being alone.

By attaching yourself to yourself or becoming attached to a person, you create love dependence when another person becomes the meaning of life. It is not right!

The meaning of life is different for everyone, and it lies in living your own life, finding joy, happiness, overcoming difficulties.

Of course, if your loved one is next to you, then all this happens much simpler and easier, but you should not assume that without someone you cannot live or have lost the meaning of life. Initially, the question was posed incorrectly.

In conclusion, I would like to note that many people experience dissatisfaction with their relationships, believing that if there are no bright, romantic moments, then there is no love.

Do not confuse love with infatuation, be realistic, do not build unrealistic expectations, and then there will be no disappointment.

I hope I managed to explain - love or infatuation, what is their difference?

Write your opinion in the comments, what is the difference between love and falling in love, what do you think are the differences?

Be loved and happy!

Sincerely, psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.

PS . I suggest watching the video “If you stopped being loved. Psychologist's advice"

IMPORTANT! Don't forget to download the free checklist “22 phrases that will save your relationship”

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The author of the article is Natalia Gnezdilova , family psychologist with 15 years of experience. I help women 35+ regain love, respect and trust in relationships with men. I consult online in any of the messengers - Skype, WhatsApp, Viber. Subscribe: my Instagram YouTube channel VK page

Can there be love without being in love?

No, he can not. A lover must definitely go through all these stages of sympathy. Moreover, love also requires friendship and mutual respect. The fact is that nature has thought out everything to the smallest detail.

If it were not for hormones and the euphoria of falling in love, then not a single couple would live together for more than a week. Let us remind you that conflicts are normal. After all, two different people are weighing on the scales. If everyone does not begin to adjust the scales on their part, then they will continue to tip and fluctuate.

Then the habit kicks in. Yes, her role is also important. There is no need to live only out of habit or attachment, it’s just that at that turning point, when you want to give up everything and run away, it’s that attachment that slows you down.

Before love comes falling in love

And only then, when you go through the “seven circles of family problems”, learn to put up with and accept your partner for who he is, then love will begin to arise.
And then, for its development, you need to constantly work on yourself and your relationships.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Love and Infatuation: a parable

There is a very educational, instructive and touching parable. The essence of the parable is that Love will forgive and tolerate much, except Indifference.

Parable about Love and Falling in Love

Continuation of the parable

End of the parable

Love each other, it's such a wonderful feeling. Love makes your soul warm and your heart joyful. And in moments with your loved one, it seems that everything in the world is beautiful and everyone is happy.

Quotes

Philosophers, poets and writers have always thought about the differences between falling in love and love. This burning topic was raised in their writings, poems and aphorisms by Sergei Yesenin, Confucius, Einstein and other great thinkers. It would be interesting to know their opinion on this matter.