A wife does not value or respect her husband: how to restore authority

The wife does not value or respect her husband: how to restore authority. For most couples, this leads to divorce. How to restore the position of the head of the family and save it from collapse.

A modern man can earn good money, be very brave and decisive in life, but in the family he cannot have the slightest respect from first his wife and then his children. This is a life disaster, first for the henpecked person, and then for the offspring, since growing up in such a family environment, children have a number of psychological problems in the future.

This article is a very valuable treasure trove of wisdom that you will not find anywhere else on the Internet (unless, of course, it is stolen from). Why valuable? Because 90% of psychologists and trainers give completely ridiculous advice that leads to only one thing - divorce.

Some of these incorrect advice include:

Drive your wife into strict boundaries;
In an icy voice, demand to cook borscht;
Threaten with divorce, show serious intentions for this (the wife should be scared of this);
Disappear for a week or a couple of days, live separately;
Beat your wife;
In front of the neighbors, list all her shortcomings;

And so on. Such methods almost never give the desired result, other than aggravating the conflict. This is especially terrible if a man is nothing special about himself, his wife is downtrodden and tired, and he expects humiliation, threats and sudden harsh commands to suddenly correct her.

If the wife is already determined to break up, then such recommendations from defenders of male honor will only lead to divorce.

Remember: male authority can always be restored

. And any marriage can be saved. The problem is that many men do not understand the correct model of behavior in a modern family.

Why does a wife's behavior change after marriage?

Surely everything was fine with you before the wedding. She was sweet, yielded, admired you, but after several years of cohabitation she turned into a hysteric and a vixen. Various trainers on male psychology call the wife’s past behavior “demo mode”, and say that when she “turns it off”, it is useless to correct everything. This is usually not true.

The wife's changed bad behavior can be caused by various reasons. This could be physical fatigue, hormonal imbalance, internal depression against the background of age-related changes or childbirth, or personal crises.

All men should remember about the physiological and personal factors before they begin to raise their spouse.

Remember one very important truth:

If a child cries and misbehaves because he is tired, it is useless to scold and spank him, he will only yell more. He needs to be consoled and put to sleep, and educated when he comes to his senses.

Very often, the man himself provokes his wife’s incorrect behavior through his inaction and concessions. He initially set himself up as a non-conflict equal partner, constantly endured whims, left family management to chance, spoiled his wife, voluntarily took on most of the responsibilities around the house, and thus himself dropped his authority through the floor.

Method 5: Leave room for a riddle

You earn good money, occupy a high position, but your wife has lost respect for you? Stop spoiling her. It is clear that you are ready to fulfill any whims, but in everything you need to know when to stop. It’s not for nothing that Pushkin wrote “The more we love a woman, the less she likes us...”. Don’t run forward to fulfill all your beloved’s wishes, leave room for some mystery, you are not an open book. Let the lady ask for a favor, showing her need. This way you can gradually remove the crown from her.

Did your spouse give you a beautiful (totally unnecessary) writing pen for your birthday? Reciprocate.

Is the girl in no hurry to share family stories? And you shouldn't amuse her with stories about the events that happened last weekend.

As a rule, wives stop respecting their husbands because of their own considerations. Some are dissatisfied with the lack of attention to their person, others want to live like queens, and others do everything themselves without outside support. Identify the true motives of behavior and begin to act. Where the carrot is powerless, try the stick.

Deer syndrome

There is no need to blame yourself for this. Deer syndrome is the scourge of modern men.

Our society is patriarchal, slave, it cannot live without a leader
. Everyone remembers what the country turned into after the establishment of democracy. People were given freedom, but instead of using it correctly, they began to drink, take drugs, and start a crime. Most of our wives have Soviet, not European, thinking; they do not understand the basics of democratic partnership, so they subconsciously expect management from their husbands.

Young husbands in Russia do not understand that their wives need to be managed, they need to constantly educate them, and they need to spend their time and energy on this. This often happens due to the fact that husbands in Russia were raised by mothers, while fathers worked hard from morning to night.

When a husband is too lazy to educate, the relationship deteriorates, the wife drives her husband under her thumb, begins to act stupid herself, and makes the whole family suffer.

Managing a family is difficult, but going through these difficulties will make you a leader with a stable psyche

. You will grow morally if you take care of your family - this is a guarantee.

You have to fight for your family, there’s no other way.

First installation:
your wife is a difficult teenager, and you are a teacher
. You should engage in re-education of your spouse with a minimum of emotions. This is a long process, but it will be fruitful if you do it.

How to make a wife respect her husband: advice from a psychologist. How to do this correctly?

For a woman to fall in love with a man, a man need not do anything: if the time has come for her to want to fall in love (and also to move away from her parents, get married or give birth to a child, go abroad, raise the level of her status or income, etc.), nothing special there is no need to do it - she will fall in love herself. Without even asking the man’s consent. But for a woman to begin to respect her man, she will have to try hard! If a man wants to be respected for many years, he should work and work, without stopping for a minute! And it’s not a fact that he will be able to achieve his goal...

Seriously, I am writing this article to help husbands and wives reduce the level of conflict in their families. The fact is that I regularly see the following picture.

A married couple comes for a consultation. The husband describes the problem like this:
“I am a successful, serious man between 30 and 50 years old. I am an authority in my field or even a leader. I have a good income and support my family at a decent level. At work and in my social circle, everyone respects me, even my bosses. Everyone respects him except his own wife! Which doesn't value a penny! Can afford to insult me at home; curse in front of strangers; lower my status in front of children and relatives; He always finds fault with me and teases me offensively; makes sarcastic remarks about work and success; regularly refuses sex; raises him like a small child, etc. Of course, this hurts me and pushes me away from my wife. I don’t even want sex anymore. At least with her.
And here next to you, at work, are your work colleagues, long-legged beauties, who desperately want to get married and improve their lives. They value and respect, look up with adoration, speak with aspiration. How can one resist the temptation of betrayal and leaving the family?! It’s quite difficult... I’m holding on for now, but every year it’s getting harder and harder. After all, life passes... I want to get at least a little pleasure, but with such disrespect from my wife, this is not life! How can I tell my wife to respect me? Until I freaked out and left the family?!”
Wives respond to the description of this (extremely common situation) something like this: “This is for them, for strangers, my husband is in authority! And for me, he is that simple beggar boy whom I started dating 10-15-20 years ago! Only I know what his underwear looks like. And how many stupid things he has done in his life. And how hard it is for him to recover from a hangover on Saturday morning. And how much he doesn’t keep from what he promises me regarding family matters. And how much I did for him, growing him out of this in the past - a blockhead, a successful person! In general, only I see the wrong side of him, and there is no point in him pretending to be the Big Boss in the family! Let him first bring a bag of potatoes from the store, shake out the vacuum cleaner and take out the trash, and then we’ll talk to him! Otherwise he'll get hit in the face with a wet towel! And he’ll live another month without sex!”

As you can see, both spouses have their own truth! But a head-on collision between these two well-founded positions can easily lead to a family crisis, infidelity and divorce. So what to do? Should a successful husband walk on tiptoe at home and not breathe, obey his wife unquestioningly? Should my wife start smiling broadly at Father the Tsar when His Majesty deigns to return home from work? Blow the dust off his shoes? Etc.?

In an effort to be helpful to those couples who describe to me this problem of men being disrespected by their wives, I have often encountered four related nuances in wives’ perceptions of their husbands. Here they are:

Wives have little knowledge of the nature of their husbands' work and their professional achievements. They either have no idea what their husbands do in the office or at work, or they are sincerely convinced that their husbands are fooling around there all day: drinking tea with colleagues; play on the computer; watch videos on the Internet; tell jokes in the smoking room, etc. Hence, many wives have a poorly hidden belief that work for men is just a plausible excuse to run away from home so as not to help in the family with children or cleaning. And this misunderstanding by the wife of the specifics and difficulties of her husband’s work, against the background of the wife’s clear understanding of her own household chores (kitchen, cleaning, ironing, children, homework, etc.) plus her own work (if she is not a housewife), creates pity for to oneself beloved and contempt for what the husband does. Hence, logically, disrespect for the husband.
Wives have a distorted and primitive idea of their husband’s social circle. The husband himself is to blame for this. Not only that, in his stories he usually presents his wife with fully grown, successful and serious men, such as “Vaska”, “Genka”, “Bald”, “Gray-haired”, “Red”, “Old”, “Maksik”, “Igorekha” ", "Petruchio", "Sanek-Shurochka". So he also talks about them something like this: “Bald made a career thanks to his father”; “Vaska simply married for a profit, and not like me - with you”; “Red is helped by his mistress, she pushes him through tenders, helps him get into government contracts”; “The gray-haired man is a fierce womanizer, he spends all day thinking about who else he should fuck”; “Sanek doesn’t do a damn thing at work, he just takes bribes”; “Genka has a real talent for selling anything to anyone, he will even sell water to a fish”; “Maksik really likes his boss, an old woman, so she pushes him through his career”; “Sedoy became a boss thanks to his cool classmate, but otherwise he’s a fool, drinking at work and playing tanks. But when necessary, he knows how to make working diagrams. Plus, he knows how to evade taxes and cash out money. They are appreciated..." The question is: how will the wife treat those husband’s friends who are characterized by him in this way? And through the prism of perception of such friends, how will she treat her husband?! Of course, exactly the same way he treats his friends - without piety and respect.
Husbands pretend to be heroes who will always solve everything. Boastful stories, according to the scheme: “Yes, me, yes, my friends and I, but we have everything covered - everything is paid for, we will solve everything,” - create in the wife a complete feeling that the husband is completely the master of his life: what he wants, that’s what he wants. does; wherever he wants, he comes there; does not report to anyone. Hence, two extremes of perception arise: on the one hand, not a single delay, not a single failure to promise, is forgiven the husband. Because the logic is simple: if you are your own boss, then it means you didn’t want to do something useful for the family. If you simply physically could not do this, could not come to an agreement, then you are a complete nonsense and a frivolous talker who is only trying to impress, and you yourself are a soap bubble. What kind of respect can we talk about here...
Husbands do not pay enough attention to their image. The point is that many quite successful men do not invest in themselves. Sparing no expense on fur coats, boots and handbags for their beloved wife, sending her and their children abroad, they do not buy new white shirts, suits, coats and shoes for years, they walk around with shabby briefcases, shabby phones, etc. Seeing a stale image of her husband or watching him on weekends only in casual style or a tracksuit, the wife contrasts him with those dandies who shine in television series, pages of glossy magazines or social networks. Of course, in this opposition the husband loses. There is not only no respect for him, but also no sexual attraction. Which does not improve the situation in the family.

Hence, in order to help quite worthy men receive decent treatment in their own families, thereby keeping them from the temptation to gain respect and raise their own self-esteem with their mistresses, I give them some simple advice.

How to make a wife respect her husband, increase the wife's respect for her husband:

Give your wife a complete and clear idea of the importance of your own work and your professional success! For this:

Periodically (at least two or three times) a year, under various pretexts, invite your wife to come to your office or production site. Clearly demonstrate the complexity of what you do.
Sometimes bring some important documents home from work (scary-looking documents with tables and figures), study them, ask your wife’s opinion about them (and even your children: this is useful for their future career guidance).
Buy and bring home several reference books for your profession (or related ones). The thicker and more solid they are, the more seriously the family will take you. In the end, you can even put one of your specialized encyclopedias or specialized manuals right in the toilet. So that your household can see: even in such a place, dad works and methodically improves the level of his self-education, and does not correspond with girls.
Talk about your work not according to the principle: “This is all nonsense, I do everything with my left hand!”, but by telling your wife in detail about the complexity of your decision-making.
Communicate your professional achievements and how difficult it was to achieve them due to competition or the nature of your job.

Raise the prestige and status of your social circle, your friends. For this:

call them by their first name and patronymic;
demonstrate your respect for them;
talk about their success, emphasize that they have something to learn;
emphasize the difficulty of their life path and the deservedness of their status;
do not talk about the underside of their lives, mistakes and shame;
clearly outline their usefulness to you and your family.

Show your dependence on leadership and circumstances. Otherwise, they will demand from you, and you will have no excuses. For this:

Talk about your leadership with emphatic respect, and do not portray familiar relations.
Show that you are not the king of your organization and the whole world; various sanctions may also be applied to you.
Talk about scheduled and unscheduled meetings and planning sessions, including confirming their fact in video, photo reports and video broadcasts.
Do not take on the role of “deciding everything in the world,” as one single mistake of yours will cost you your reputation for years to come.

And you don’t need to think that because of all this you will be respected less in the family! No no and one more time no! On the contrary, your wife will understand the difficult conditions in which you work, make a career and find the opportunity to support your family. And they will respect you for this too. In addition, you will not fall in her eyes if something does not work out for you. And the absence of a drop in respect for you will help you increase it.

Invest in your image of a successful man. For this:

Learn to wear a suit and white shirt regularly.
Buy yourself some classic shoes or boots.
Wear only ironed trousers with creases.
Have a stylish coat in your wardrobe.
Don't forget about men's accessories, such as a watch, belt, tie, cufflinks, muffler, wallet, briefcase, etc.
Choose an interesting hairstyle and type of beard/mustache (if you wear one).
Even if you have a regular and not a premium car, just don’t forget to take it to a car wash and keep the interior clean.

If you follow even these very simple recommendations, you can be sure: gradually, over a certain number of months, the attitude towards you will improve, and the respect for you will become noticeably greater. Of course, also if you try to keep your manly word and do everything you promised your wife and children on time. Or, as a last resort, warn in time if something doesn’t work out for you, and apologize for it!

When should you give in and when should you not? How to respond to tantrums?

Most wives are very easily manipulated by their husbands. For example, they throw tantrums, they can threaten suicide, children, or whatever.

Here we must very clearly distinguish what causes this hysteria. If it is clear that real tears are flowing, that the woman is tired, tired, has lost control of herself, is twitching, squealing, then beating her or admonishing her with words is pointless.

In such cases, no matter how difficult it may be, it is better to just hug and feel sorry. Be silent, caress her, so that the wife’s emotions are released. Let her rest, sleep, feed her. You need to talk later, when contact has appeared, and she will come to her senses.

The women are very weak now; they can barely cope with one child. But criticism, scolding, and harsh reactions do not make them stronger. It’s not for you in the army to push those who are lagging behind by kicking them. Understand this: women think differently! Advisers are tough to build a woman - into the firebox!

You need to give in in the following cases:

When a wife is unable to control her emotions. The teacher stretches the grade for a weak student so that he believes in himself, or deliberately does not ask and allows him to sit out.
When the wife's arguments are truly reasonable. The student suggested the right decision to the teacher, who praised him, gave him an A, and allowed him not to stay for an after-school period.

If you don’t control yourself, then it’s better to leave the house and wait a couple of hours outside until everything calms down. The main thing is to avoid large-scale family scenes and not descend into shouting and beatings. It's in your own legal interests

, and the children’s psyche will be healthier.

A great way to respond to tantrums is to boycott. Be silent for a couple of days, during this period her emotions will fade away, thinking will begin to dominate over hysteria.

IMPORTANT:

A tantrum can be (and often is) an act of manipulation. Hysteria can also be a necessary release of emotions; there are women of this type who need to scream. The man’s task is to briefly hug and feel sorry, but not to get involved in these games, not to manipulate.

Otherwise, to restore authority, the gradual introduction of rules and principles by which the family should exist is necessary. As soon as a woman feels the strength of her companion, that he is not falling for her games, she will become an obedient wife, although sometimes she will try her old tricks.

What is respect and how does it manifest itself?

Let's go in order. What is respect? Let's turn to Ozhegov's dictionary. Respect is a respectful attitude based on recognition of someone's merits

. Maybe the problem is that we are afraid of the word “reverence” and are afraid to notice only the merits? Who will tell the truth if not me...

There is no true female maturity without respect for men. And not only because respect is the only solid foundation for relationships. But also because without respecting men, it is impossible to fully accept and respect yourself.

Fiery women Coming soon! The long-awaited book from Olga Valyaeva Find out more »

Restoring authority

It is impossible to immediately restore authority. But we need to take this course without delay. Gradual reforms are the key to success.

So, what is necessary in restoring respect from a wife:

Be silent. Talk less, work more. Conciseness and poise immediately raise male authority.
Determine her responsibilities. Give tasks (start with small ones), praise when she completes them, encourage her with small gifts if she does something bad or doesn’t do it - punish, but in such a way as not to lead to a scandal. Gradually transfer all women's responsibilities around the house to her;
Develop a strategy for family development (ask about her dreams, desires, draw up a plan for their implementation, show that she will reach heights with you), constantly show the dynamics of development so that you do not look like an empty talker;
Take care of children - sports, activities, walks, develop them, be a good father;
Give your wife at least some personal time, especially for rest and sleep;
Take on men's responsibilities around the house, demonstrate the importance of doing them, teach them to respect your work;
Manage finances only by yourself, at least with your salary.
Stop criticism of yourself. This is a taboo, a prohibition, a law, and its violation leads to disaster. You can always make suggestions, but you can’t condemn them. This opinion must be reinforced by any means (conversations, jokes, deeds);
You need to let your wife know that you are taking the situation into your own hands. Constantly emphasize that you are the head of the family, and she is your beloved deputy.
Dominate in sex, do it hard, actively, you can even do it with an animal roar;

It is very important to gradually move on to financial management, that is, to pay your salary in portions, to pay for utilities and large expenses into your own hands (if she previously did this). It’s difficult to do this right away if your spouse used to manage your salary, but at least gradually lead and prepare for this.

If the spouse works, she must bear part of the family expenses.

It is very important to start personal growth immediately

. Do push-ups, watch your figure, give up your family's panties and holey socks, smell good, be fit. The teacher must look ideal, behave ideally, control emotions and control the student.

If it didn't work out

Let's consider a situation where, despite the efforts expended and the exact implementation of psychologists' recommendations, it was not possible to revive old feelings. The family broke up. How to return a husband's love to his wife? You can’t return it - it’s difficult to fall in love again, but it’s possible.

Having experienced the resentment and pain of parting, begin to win your loved one again. You have to fight for happiness:

First, make life interesting and fulfilling. Use your free time for fun and pleasure. Visit exhibitions, theaters, parties. Travel. Do something that has been banned for many years. This behavior will hurt your ex-partner. And wounded pride is better than indifferent indifference.

Secondly, take care of your career. Improve your professional level by attending advanced training courses and receiving additional education. Communicate with colleagues more often, learn from experience, and do not refuse business trips. A successful woman arouses interest and respect.

Thirdly, make acquaintances with interesting people. However, do not rush into a new relationship. Feelings of jealousy are a bad helper for reviving relationships.

A lonely suffering woman evokes pity and compassion - a happy and cheerful woman charms and delights.

Inattention

Next method. How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? An effective method, the opposite of the one described above, is inattention on your part. If your husband doesn’t see how you try to please him and forgets about important dates, naturally, this is very offensive. However, do not shout or swear. Just keep quiet. He will definitely remember everything he forgot about.

Let's say your husband promised to be back for dinner. Without warning, he goes with friends to a cafe or bar. Do the same to him in revenge. Let him feel like he is in your place.

Has your spouse stopped thanking you for the food you prepared? Think fried potatoes are ordinary? Stop cooking for him altogether. Leave several times without breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Constantly talking about how you are doing nothing while sitting at home? Why endure slander? Sit at the computer or sit in front of the TV. Don't actually do anything. Let him know what it's like.

Do you want to teach your husband a lesson because he claims that you are “resting” on maternity leave? Leave it with your baby all day. Well, have a shopping day with your friends or visit a spa. It is unlikely that after this he will be able to say that caring for a child is simple and easy.

How can a woman regain her self-respect?

First let's look at why this respect may be lost.

“The main thing we are taught is to respect adults,” says psychoanalyst Natalya Oblakevich. - Respect means speaking respectfully, calling adults “you”, not raising your voice, watching your words and tone... all this is understandable, familiar to everyone, and at the same time nothing is clear...

Why should younger people respect their elders? Isn't it the other way around? Why can adults shout, blame, and sometimes even physically punish... Is this respectful? When a child is treated in this way, he seems to make a decision: “When I grow up, I will force myself to respect” or “When I grow up, I will build a respectful relationship with my partner.”

Correcting the situation

If disrespect in the family was not constant, but appeared relatively recently, then, as you already understand, the best way out is to talk. Perhaps your partner has something going on and is having a hard time at the moment. But he doesn’t know how to correct the situation, which is why such changes in behavior occur.

Also, take care of yourself. How can your spouse respect you if you don't respect him yourself? Consider the opinion of your spouse, listen to what he says, try to understand him. Don't start shouting in an argument. You can do much better - take a piece of paper and write down all the possible options, from which you will jointly choose the best one.

Remember about your children. They see and remember everything. Never swear in front of your child. You can sort things out, firstly, in a calm manner, and secondly, not in front of the child. N. Pezeshkian’s book “33 and 1 forms of partnership” will help to form a harmonious model of family partnership.

I hope you will achieve harmony in your family relationships and treat your significant other with respect. I wish you happiness and love! If you are interested in today's article, you can share the link on social networks.