In our country, many people by the phrase “true love” understand the so-called “beautiful” love between a man and a woman: courtship during the candy-bouquet period, dates full of romance and walks under the moon, gifts to the other half and new impressions from the relationship. It is believed that all of the above is a guarantee of happiness in the family until the end of days. Everything changes, you just have to look at the divorce statistics. The period of dreams and walks under the moon gives way to ordinary days. The first family quarrels appear, spouses begin to notice shortcomings in their partner, and it is as if the passion never existed. What's going on? It is in such moments, when blind passion goes away, that a much stronger feeling should remain - love. Many people are unfamiliar and incomprehensible with this feeling, when all that the heart requires is for the beloved to feel good. So what is love? Does it exist between a man and a woman?
Love is…?
Each person understands this word in his own way. It is difficult to describe what love is. You can talk about it a lot and for a long time. There can be many manifestations of this feeling, and therefore it is characteristic of everyone. For example, love between a man and a woman , for the Fatherland, for God, for occupation, for life and the world. This is one of the most beautiful feelings on Earth, but at times it can lead to negative consequences. Everything, of course, depends only on how you experience it.
Many philosophers have tried to describe love, but the explanation of this phenomenon still remains difficult. The feeling appears suddenly when you don't expect it. It begins as if from a small coal and over time, especially if the love is mutual, flares up into a real fire. It is impossible to plan, warn, program or fake falling in love. It can only be felt with all your heart.
The love between a man and a woman is incredibly strong. At the same time, an attitude towards your partner develops in which your half becomes much more important than yourself, and the whole world as a whole. It’s not just emotions that change, the very perception of the surrounding reality changes. Through love, people learn a lot of new things and realize life in different colors.
About love between a man and a woman
About love between a man and a woman! Love is the central, basic feeling of a person. This is an oasis of happiness in the boundless sea of human suffering, but at the same time it is another source of this same suffering. What should a man and woman know about love, having already experienced mental pain after breaking up with a loved one, so that in the future they begin to behave more carefully and do not step on the mop of love again and again? To do this, they need to know about love itself, its functions, goals and objectives. That's what we'll talk about.
So, what is love between a man and a woman, what is the meaning of those (primarily unconscious) processes in our brain that can do both very good and extremely painful to men and women? Personally, in my practice, I am deeply convinced that love between a man and a woman is the starting element of a large natural-social construct called the “instinct of procreation.” In addition to love, it includes: love relationships, sex, marriage, having children, raising them, regulating relations around property, agreeing on mutual submission and control, etc. Despite the fact that love between a man and a woman is nothing more than one of the elements of this structure, it occupies the most important place in it. In computer language: Love is the “startup file” of the procreation program.
At the right moment in time, the love program will, as it were, “unarchive” those necessary files that are stored in the “personal on-board computer” of the human consciousness. It de-preserves, “unfreezes” this ancient program for the reproduction of our own kind, which is embedded at the genetic level in each of us.
In simple terms, in the classic “love-sex-birth of children” chain, love has the official function of starting and organizing the process of procreation, optimizing relationships between completely new people, initially strangers to each other, turning them into close and completely family. And only later - do not allow them to separate! Selecting the most understandable analogies, we can compare love with the engines of modern space rockets. During the launch and for some time after it, the booster engines operate and push the module into orbit. This is how love works at the beginning of a relationship. Subsequently, the engines of the module already launched into space orbit periodically fire, correcting the movement of the spacecraft, preventing it from lowering to the ground. This is how love works during periods of conflict between people and prevents the destruction of their relationships.
There is also a nuance . If for one or another social or biological, subjective or objective reasons, your love rocket does not have enough fuel and you do not reach orbit - the registry office (which, judging by the fact that you are reading this book, is exactly what happened to you!) , then in this case you will descend to the sinful Earth. If you cry, you will suffer, accumulate new moral strength and fuel. Then you will launch again and again, until you reach orbit and become the mother or father of a child. Mother Nature will not leave you alone until she has achieved what she created you for, so that you can participate directly in the continuation of life within your species. But your family or parental happiness will depend only on your own intelligence.
Love between a man and a woman first does, and only then figures out what was done and what it led to. Love is not responsible for what happens next. This is not her business, not her goal and not her task. Its task is only to create optimal conditions for such communication, which will lead to the fastest possible sexual contact between you. And nothing more...
Expected result of the “love start”:
The launched “love program” must give the following result:
— to knock a person out of the usual rhythm of life (study, career, business), to ensure personal acquaintance with a potential partner;
- force a person to waste time on those love rituals that previously seemed to him (her) a “stupid activity.” Something like: sitting on benches in the evenings, walking along the embankment or the city center holding hands, visiting cafes, clubs, theaters, cinemas (etc.) exclusively together;
- for a certain time, ensure the most correct, friendly, non-mercantile and non-selfish communication between people who either never knew each other before, or knew each other, but did not show any special interest in each other until the “start”;
- for some time, force a person to do something that he (s) did not normally like to do: obey someone, receive various “scoldings” from a loved one, subordinate one’s life schedule to other people’s problems, deal with everyday issues etc. and so on.;
— to teach a person to “turn a blind eye” to the obvious flaws of someone to whom we, being in a normal state, “wouldn’t even have the time to ask”;
— force a person for some time to become noticeably better (more punctual, honest, kinder, more modest, etc.) than he (s) is in everyday life;
- make sure that for some time the life, health and successes of another person become more important than your own (even to the point of self-sacrifice);
— unobtrusively recommend satisfying your sexual needs exclusively (or predominantly) with your chosen partner;
— ultimately, ensure the reproduction of the human race.
It is for this purpose that this little “rocket engine” called love is hidden in our brain. Without it, the process of human reproduction will turn into banal sex, that is, into a series of back-and-forth movements with different partners. Love between a man and a woman is the most important biological and social regulator of sexual relations. If you imagine that love will instantly cease to exist, you can be sure that within two or three days the world will be plunged into the chaos of conflicts on sexual grounds...
Love between a man and a woman is a special period in a person’s life, when a special bio-social program works in his mind, which ensures the creation of the most favorable conditions for communication with a potential sexual partner, for entering into a sexual relationship with him, for birth and joint upbringing children. This is expressed in the fact that it endows us with behavioral traits that were previously unusual for us; we temporarily become better than we really are. At least in relation to your partner.
Love between a man and a woman is the strongest sexual accelerator. It creates optimal conditions for sex between completely random people, literally at any cost, dampening the brains of the “highly intelligent”, making the uneducated, passive and downright lazy more cunning, more enterprising and more energetic. For the sake of accomplishing this task, love sweeps away almost any obstacles in its path.
Love between a man and a woman is a kind of bulldozer of the instinct of procreation. She is preparing a construction site for future family relationships. Unexpectedly for themselves, despite all the fatigue after a day of work or study, lovers find the time and energy to visit each other across the city. They save money on themselves to buy a birthday gift for their loved one. They hang on the phone for hours, neglecting the grievances of other family members. “Drop out” from their regular companies. They think exclusively about each other... A sign can be nailed to the back of lovers, like to a crane tower: “Be careful, love is at work!” Or: “Don’t stand under Cupid’s arrow!”
In fact, love is a short-term deviation of a person from standard norms of behavior and his subordination to special “love” norms of behavior. Love is a bio-social program for optimizing your relationship with that person who, due to a number of life circumstances (age, social, property, cultural qualifications, peculiarities of the situation at the time of meeting, etc.) turned out to be a more or less suitable partner for sexual relationships and procreation.
Love between a man and a woman is the property of a living biological organism (its brain), at some periods of its life, to radically rearrange its behavior in such a way that it is most conducive to establishing contacts with representatives of the opposite sex and procreation. At this time, the priority line of behavior is mutual submission and care for that representative of the opposite sex with whom it was possible to establish contact, and there is a high probability of entering into a sexual relationship.
Love is a forced compromise between two
human egoisms for the sake of procreation.
The strategic goal (maximum program) of love is that you give viable offspring.
The tactical goal (minimum program) of love is to create optimal conditions for achieving a strategic goal. The love program needs to achieve the establishment of such a special relationship between two sexual partners, which is characterized by voluntary mutual submission, the desire to bring the maximum possible benefit to the other person (often to the detriment of one’s own interests), the willingness to sacrifice one’s own time, health, material means, and sometimes life. These relationships become dominant in people’s minds, people think about each other all the time, and the relationships themselves are accompanied by the most pleasant emotional background.
The task of love between a man and a woman is to ensure the strongest possible attachment between those individuals who, due to various random and natural circumstances, have established contact with each other and may turn out to be potential sexual partners and participants in the reproductive process, to achieve the birth of children from this connection .
Means of love between a man and a woman: To achieve its goal, love must temporarily suppress the egoism of sexual partners, force them to abandon those extreme features of human individuality that make it difficult to establish contacts in the interests of subsequent sexual contact, the birth of children and the upbringing of the younger generation.
The means by which the desired effect is achieved are:
- temporary underestimation of a person’s own biological goals
- temporary distraction of a person from his personal goals;
— partial suppression of his command-volitional beginning;
- decreased criticality towards those whom the individual “allowed” to approach him.
The external result of turning on the Love between a man and a woman is that a person in love is temporarily thrown out of his usual life rut and begins to coordinate his life plans with someone who was completely indifferent to him (her) before...
Accordingly, there is every reason to say that:
Love between a man and a woman is a “biological failure” in the normal functioning
social program of the average person.
Love between a man and a woman is a blow to animal egoism and individualism
men and women for the sake of giving birth to a new life.
Love between a man and a woman is a “virus” that disrupts the functioning of consciousness. The goal of love, the task of the very virus that causes a failure in the work of a reasonable behavioral program, is simple: to force a person to pay increased attention to the issue of his reproduction. And in order not to frighten this person too much with possible cardinal changes in his life, this “love virus” itself bashfully hides under various kinds of signs and screens, such as: “we are just friends”, “we are just pleased to be together”, “I never I met such a wonderful person,” “I was recently surprised to find out that this particular girl (this guy) is not such a fool (such a “goat”) as everyone else,” etc. and so on. After some time, a person “infected with the love virus” no longer understands what the matter is and where all this can lead... (Of course, to the registry office!!!).
A legitimate question is: How long does love “work” at the start? Due to their extreme power, their social ecu, pros. At this stage, the love program cannot and should not always work! Its first effect is relatively short-term: from several weeks to a year. The average duration of operation of a love program at the start is from a month to three months. After this period ends, most lovers return to realism in behavior and criticality in thinking, people begin to think about what is happening, and they regain the ability to do what is beneficial, first of all, to themselves.
Having organized our communication with one partner, after some time the love program turns off and pushes us to new sexual experiments. If by this time we do not have additional “binding” obligations (family, common property, dependence on a partner’s income, common children, etc.), people tend to become disappointed in their existing partner and begin to look for someone more promising...
From this it is clear that modern long-term love relationships without the birth of children and the creation of a common economic basis are a deviation from the program of love behavior genetically embedded in us. Long-term love relationships without the birth of children and marriage exist not because people love each other all this time, but because they consider it economically and socially expedient for themselves, psychologically comfortable, and consciously refuse to establish new love and sexual relationships, refrain from new “acquaintances with a continuation.”
Love between a man and a woman is a kind of “energy charge” that only helps you change your status in life. The main part of it is wasted at the very moment of change in your state. Further communication is also based on love. But with a completely different love. On the love that only imitates, copies the love that was at the start. It is she who will help regulate your relationship during the entire period of mutual verification, which we call pre-wedding “friendship”. The basis of this love is not so much biology as the social demands placed on a person in his historically specific society. First of all, duty...
Let's make a short summary. Any “triggering” of the Love between a man and a woman who have been sexual partners for the purpose of reproducing your family. Accordingly, you should understand the most important thing:
Love is activated only where and when in communication
existing or potential sexual partners
some significant problems arise.
Signs of a “true” feeling
When two people truly feel love for each other, they will overcome all obstacles and difficulties just to be together. Their relationship is accompanied by a constant struggle for their feelings, despite gossip or other people's speculations. Love settles where understanding and mutual support reign.
A real feeling cannot but be mutual. Such sensations as lust, sexual attraction, passion are just a desire to completely possess someone, dictated by one’s own egoism.
In any circumstances, a truly close person will always be there to support and say comforting words. He will cover your back in the most difficult moments in life. No matter how difficult and difficult it is, you can always find the mental strength to help the person you love.
A woman who is in search of true love will never waste her time on a one-day relationship with a person she is not sure about. She does not need to prove anything with her relationship either to her relatives, or to her acquaintances, or to anyone else.
We become better, prettier and more attractive next to our lover. But you cannot sacrifice anything or do anything that is at odds with your personal interests. Of course, no one will argue that building a family is hard work, but it should not become a burden.
Patience
Most often, families with children reach this stage. The spouses begin to understand that something needs to be done about this, since divorce traumatizes the children. And you need to change yourself . So someone begins to work with their egoism and tries to see the individuality of the second spouse. Stops making “something” out of him, tries to see his true “I”. There are also quarrels, but they are already manageable, there is an understanding that you just need to survive and wait out this moment. This asceticism always rewarded.
The stage of learning a language is the same - we stop skipping classes, suppress yawning and try to see the essence in the new language.
How to show love?
There are literary sources about the “language of love” that claim that all people imagine its manifestations in completely different ways. Some people like tactile touch. A certain part of people tries to spend a little more time together, and there are those for whom gifts are an obligatory sign of attention.
Additionally, both genders interpret love differently. First, men and women have different ideas about love itself. Secondly, ideas about the manifestations of this feeling in relationships also differ. Very often these differences become an insurmountable barrier in relationships.
Every person strives for this sublime feeling and craves it. For men, love is absolute unity, complementation of each other, an obligatory part of which is respect and trust. It is impossible to show love to a person whom you do not trust and whom you simply do not respect. Those who have a more “masculine” type of thinking (the vast majority of men) expect trust and respect from love. Those who are “feminine” types (the predominant part of women) also crave both respect and trust, but their expectations are inextricably associated with actions that are aimed at demonstrating these feelings.
Men also like to be hugged, but rather moderately. At the same time, girls expect that expressions of feelings towards them will be regular and unrestricted. A lady who presents a bouquet of flowers to a representative of the stronger half of humanity will never achieve the same effect (after all, men have a completely different perception of love and gratitude) as a man giving flowers to a woman. You should not express a noble feeling the way you like it. Show it in a way that pleases your partner.
What do philosophers say about this?
Philosophical minds gave different interpretations to the question “what is love” and created many of its classifications, one of which distinguishes 3 types of this feeling:
- downward – exists on the principle of giving more than receiving. This includes parental love for their offspring, the care of elders for the younger and the strong for the weak, based on pity;
- ascending - a person strives to take more than to give: the love of a child for a parent, an animal for an owner, a ward for a patron. This type is the basis of religious faith and is based on reverence;
- equal or sexual - characterizes the connection of partners entering into sexual relations, a marital union where lovers mutually care for each other (mutual altruism). This interaction contains a lot of shame.
Plato compared love with the demonic desire of an individual to achieve perfection, expressed through creativity. Aristotle believed that the basis of love should be friendship and the desire to bring good to another.
Benedict Spinoza associated it with the pleasure that is present in the process of learning and philosophizing, and Giordano Bruno interpreted love as the desire for beauty.
Appetite for sex10
During a hormonal storm in the brain, the production of sex hormones - male testosterone and female estrogen - reaches a peak. They determine how much the body gives and how much it receives from intimate contact, so during periods of great unrest, an incessant appetite for sex arises.
When hormones return to balance, body cravings calm down. But sex still plays an important role in relationships because it helps communicate intimacy. And the degree of this intimacy affects the quality of intimate life. Therefore, many couples, whose first delight is already behind them, are still burning with desire. How do they do this? They avoid routine, which destroys relationships and passion, and rediscover each other.
Duty - fulfilling duties
This is the point at which Love begins to be born. Finally, I can see that next to me is not my copy, but a completely different Personality. He has his own character traits, habits, tastes. I no longer strive to take him to my favorite films, but ask what film he wants to watch. I'm starting to see its merits. Moreover, I see my shortcomings. And I understand that I could do more and better for my Beloved. I switch from thinking about what he owes me to thinking about what I owe him. This is where respect is born.
In the same way, doing homework, memorizing forms of verbs, dialogues, texts gives respect for the language. And this is really the first step towards mastering it completely.
Hormones and pheromones
Thanks to feelings, the cheeks turn pink, the skin becomes smoother, the eyes become shiny and the pupils become larger. It happens that it is enough to meet someone by chance, and it is already clear that he (she) is the only half. There are those who believe that these are pheromones - these are certain signals that are transmitted and received beyond the boundaries of human consciousness. Others claim that it is a sixth sense, or believe that love is a divine gift.
Scientists, and they know one thing for sure - love - the eternal inspiration of poets - is just a game of hormones. The state of falling in love is caused by chemicals that act on the brain (not the heart!) like a drug. Therefore, there is a lot of truth in the old saying that when love awakens, reason falls asleep.
When does the chemistry of love stop working?9
After 1.5–4 years, narcotic substances stop working. This means the end of passion, the end of madness and great love. Those who are hooked on them are looking for a new object of feelings - that is why after 2-3 years many couples break up. This is what nature provided: over the years, after mating, people usually had offspring.
However, most people can create a lasting union after the stage of falling in love. Endorphins, which act in the same way as morphine, also help. They create feelings of happiness, peace and security that come simply from the presence of a partner. If the level of endorphins does not increase, the once beloved person becomes indifferent.
Oxytocin also influences the process, thanks to which everyone needs the tenderness, intimacy and warmth of another person. It appears during sex and breastfeeding, is responsible for pleasure and enhances the maternal instinct. Its level decreases when a person lives in stress, sadness and when he quarrels.
Aphrodisiac or illusion?3
Pheromones are known to influence the sexual behavior of animals. The smell of the opposite sex becomes a stimulus for increased production of sex hormones, and these, in turn, increase the desire to have sex. But do they have a similar effect on humans? Unknown.
The fact is that some people are attracted to a person, while others are not. But why this happens still remains a mystery. And it will remain there until scientists manage to unravel the secret of natural body odor, which is the most powerful aphrodisiac for lovers. Doctors convince that perfumes containing pheromones are nothing more than a marketing ploy. But faith works miracles.
Should you be the first to confess your love?
“Hide in a hole” is the most popular option among many when an inexplicable state appears when a person realizes that he is in love. Not every man, boy, girl or successful lady is in a hurry to be the first to confess. The main reason that a person is afraid to express his feelings is the feeling of panic when he is not accepted or rejected. Fear in response to feelings to hear ridicule from the subject of adoration. The cause of these fears mainly goes back to deep childhood or tremulous adolescence. This is a period when an individual tends to show his feelings more openly, but at the same time it makes him vulnerable. The bitter experience of failure at this age is transferred into adult life, prompting the individual to control his desires and emotions more carefully.
An interesting psychological fact is that representatives of different sexes have categorically different meanings in love. Women put the meaning “I belong to my lover entirely.” While men mean “I am responsible for my beloved.” Often this results in a certain peculiarity when it is more difficult for a woman to admit to her chosen one: “I want you,” and for a man: “I love you.” Due to such psychological characteristics, girls tend to fantasize superpowers to their lover. That he should guess about the feelings manifested through the prism of hints and begin to act himself. Representatives of the male gender put a completely different concept into such feminine hints, for example, that the girl is simply flirting, showing friendly concern, or wants to show off her cooking skills. In response to this, the girl perceives the inaction of her chosen one as indifference and reluctance to make contact.
For most individuals, it is precisely the pronunciation of the phrase “I love you” that is difficult; for this purpose, experts recommend turning to simpler forms of phrases. Such alternative expressions are, for example, “I want to be with you,” “I like you,” “it’s nice to be around you.” At the start of the development of feelings, this is enough. To develop a relationship or communicate your feelings more effectively, you need to use both words and actions. However, requests for the importance of actions have always caused bewilderment among men, since there is a concept that a woman loves with her ears. But it’s another matter when beautiful words are supported by sincere actions that help representatives of the charming part of the population understand the seriousness of their partner’s intentions.
When declaring love, psychologists first advise setting yourself up for two types of developments. After all, the answer from the beloved may or may not be entirely positive. The chances of an individual who decides to have a revelation with his chosen one are fifty-fifty. Experts recommend that if you decide to confess, be aware of your options for failure. If a person hears a non-reciprocal response, it will be easier to retreat and the level of disappointment will be lower. Everyone is individual and everyone is looking for their half. Having found her among millions of people, it is unthinkable to lose your chance, otherwise the “second” suitable half will no longer be found.
Society today is breaking stereotypes. The strong half of the population - men, at the moment - have softened their character, and girls have gotten used to the fact that everything needs to be taken into their own fragile hands. Men just have to wait for everything to happen on their own. It is necessary to confess your love! It will be ridiculous or not as planned all your life. From the point of view of an individual’s psychological health, any emotional manifestation must have its completion, its denouement. You shouldn’t wait idly for a miracle to happen, you need to do it yourself.
Research7
The Internet, which has proven to be indispensable in many areas of life, is a real virtual matchmaker that helps people find their soulmate - for a short romance or a long-term relationship. Millions of letters roam the Internet, which then leads to hundreds of thousands of dates.
But only sometimes, when meeting face to face, does it turn out that the person who, based on photographs and communication on Skype, was a walking ideal, is not at all like that in reality. Unfortunately, most often such a check turns out to be very painful. Dreams of love, ecstasy, endless euphoria fall apart with a crash. The chemistry of love doesn't work.
To save its users time and allow them to experience less painful disappointments, the American dating portal Chemistry.com conducted research. He involved one of the most competent experts in the field of love - Helen Fisher, a professor at the University of New Jersey, USA, an anthropologist who studies human behavior.
Fisher's goal was to create tools that would make it possible to determine the likelihood that two people who met online would be attracted to each other in real life. To do this, it was necessary to first find an answer to a very difficult but fundamental question: how do people fall in love with this particular person and not another? Why do they choose someone specific out of many options? What exactly does this vaunted chemical formula do?
Three Kinds of Love
From the point of view of evolution, any living creature is just an “envelope” for transmitting information from ancestors to their descendants. The most important task of any organism is to copy and pass on a set of genes and ultimately leave a mark on history. At the same time, the genes of the simplest organisms chose the simplest path - repeated division. For example, how do asexual bacteria do this, which simply divide in two. The human gene chose a more complex option, betting on success - by mixing the genes of representatives of the two sexes. In order to ensure that mixing occurred, the genes resorted to one trick known to the world called “love.”
Helen Fisher, an American anthropologist from Rutgers University in New Jersey, a researcher of human behavior, believes that love is a set of biochemical processes that trigger the work of certain hormones. The basis of her theory lies in three mental varieties of love, each of which is characterized by its own chemical picture in the human body:
- Lust is the search for a partner for possible conception of a child. Can be directed at several people at once.
- Romantic love - the object is found, the loved one becomes the center of the Universe for us. Romantic love is characterized by the release of dopamine and lasts on average from 18 months to three years.
- Long-term attachment may be the longest lasting. Nature needs it to raise children.
What’s interesting is that one and the same person can experience all three types of love, both for one partner and for completely different ones, both separately and simultaneously: attachment to one person, attraction to another, and at the same time dream of a short-term relationship with someone third.
Visit Romeo and Juliet - what to do in Verona
Photo pixabay.com
From euphoria to despair6
If your loved one regularly calls, texts, or spends a lot of time with the person, the world is a good place. But it’s enough that he’s late, and at one moment he’s overcome by apathy and despondency, and it becomes impossible to concentrate on anything. A person falls into dark thoughts.
Maybe she doesn't love me anymore? A person grieves until he hears his beloved voice on the phone. Then great happiness overtakes him again. A variety of moods and obsessive thoughts about your significant other are to blame for a sharp drop in serotonin levels in the brain, which causes chaos in the communication of nerve cells. Decreased serotonin is more of a concern. And when something doesn’t work out, it causes a state of depression.
Unrequited love is just a confused brain
Every parting is like a little death, and unrequited love is all you need to know about hell. These words describe the torment that a person experiences after experiencing unhappy love, from the separation or death of a loved one. Why does it hurt so much when we lose someone - due to death, divorce, breakup?
It turns out that at this moment the brain seems confused and disoriented. The loved one is still present in neural connections, and we habitually expect to see, hear, feel the one we loved so much. When this does not happen, the emotional centers of the brain, where memories of the lost loved one are alive, are activated in search of that person.
Excessive activity of the limbic (emotional) system is associated with a decrease in serotonin - when its production decreases, love is often associated with suffering. The most important function of this hormone in our body is to lift our mood, which is created in the cerebral cortex. If there is not enough of this substance in the body, this leads to depression. That is why at such moments one wants to isolate oneself from the world, one loses one’s appetite, the colors of life fade, and a person obsessively thinks about the subject of one’s feelings. At the same time, the body feels a lack of endorphins, which contribute to the experience of pleasure and joy. All this explains the physical and mental pain of breaking up a relationship.
Helen Fisher and her colleagues examined the brains of thirty people using MRI scans to understand the processes that occur in those who experience unhappy love. In all subjects, tomographic studies showed excitation in three areas of the brain.
The first zone, the reward zone, responsible for desires, attraction and dependence, is significantly activated when we cannot get what we want, we do not see the object of love, we cannot contact it. It turns out that the same center is activated that turns on when a person falls in love. And instead of calming down, forgetting or switching to someone else, the brain forces the feeling of love for the former lover to grow, to love even more than the one who rejected us. And he does this for only one reason: the brain strives to receive the greatest reward in life - a suitable partner for procreation.
The second area of the brain that is activated when a loved one is lost is the part that is responsible for evaluating losses and gains. This part of the brain gets excited when people take big risks that involve huge losses and huge gains. And the third area, which prevents you from living peacefully after a breakup, is responsible for the feeling of deep attachment to another person. It is thanks to her that people suffer from love and in the name of it they commit rash acts, including crimes. In addition, activating the mentioned part of the brain generates intense energy, focus, motivation and the willingness to risk everything to win the main prize - getting your loved one back.
Photo pixabay.com
Version three. Memory of the past
This version is supported by supporters of the theory of reincarnation. They believe that love at first sight occurs when we meet partners from our past life.
Such chance meetings are very rare; usually people who knew each other in another reality never meet again. But if a coincidence does occur, that same sudden love arises. Usually this feeling is very strong, it is not easy to get rid of it in case of failure - people remember such meetings all their lives.
Michael Newton , an American psychologist and an ardent supporter of the doctrine of transmigration of souls, immersed his patients in a hypnotic trance. Under hypnosis, those who experienced love at first sight said that they knew the object of their passion in a past life.
Not only chemistry
Romantics, after reading the research of scientists, may be indignant: how can such a complex concept as “love” be limited to just the chemistry of brain processes? But knowing the recipe for chocolate pie does not discourage us from enjoying its taste. So it is with love. Having lifted the veil of knowledge about hormones and “gene envelopes”, we will not stop falling in love.
Love is not only a physical and chemical process based on hormones, it arises from the depths of our subconscious. It may seem to us that short-term love is just a fleeting feeling. While our brain at this time works hard to bring the body into a state of euphoria in love.
We never know in advance when we will meet our love and start all these complex chemical processes. And no scientific knowledge can help control this process; love cannot be started or stopped at will. This means that there is always a chance to meet your true love.
Version two. It's the smell
Article on the topic
How to understand a man's intentions? Advice from a psychologist According to this version, we, like animals, choose our partners by smell. Allegedly, it is the smell that tells us with which person we have the opportunity to live our whole lives in perfect harmony. However, nature can be deceived with the help of artificial fragrances.
People have used this remedy at all times - in ancient China, Egypt and the Roman Empire, for example, there was a whole science of mixing odors that could attract a man or a woman. It was believed that ladies were attracted to the smell of cedar, patchouli and bergamot, and the stronger sex was crazy about ylang-ylang, rosemary and geranium. Modern scientists have conducted their research and refuted ancient postulates. They measured the level of sexual arousal in volunteers and got amazing results.
It turned out that ladies are turned on by the smell of cucumbers, and men are crazy about the aromas of pumpkin pie. However, artificial flavors can only attract for a while. True affection comes only from the natural scent of the body.
