ᐉ Dependent people are prone to virtual love. virtual love: self-deception or reality ➡ klass511.ru

Previously, long-distance relationships were more often explained by long business trips and studies or were a continuation of holiday romances, but now dating services and social networks allow you to initially start relationships with people all over the world. However, the concept of “long-distance relationship” (LDR) is quite vague. Distance partners can be in a guest marriage (spouses living separately), live in neighboring cities and see each other on weekends, while someone meets a person on the other side of the world via the Internet, begins to communicate closely with him and calls it a relationship - and for This doesn’t have to happen offline.

In any case, long-distance relationships imply that partners are forced to be separated for relatively long periods of time (for example, longer than a standard business trip) and lead their lives separately from each other.

What is “Virtual Relationships”

The type of relationship in question is not just correspondence with a man or woman.
Some perceive it as fun on the Internet, while others become attached and gain energy from such a pastime. Girls hope to meet the right man by idealizing his image in their heads, while men can just have fun and enjoy flirting. According to statistics, 90% of virtual relationships do not bring results and only rare couples meet in reality. What happens during virtual close communication? It's not just about exchanging messages and emojis. People really fall in love at a distance, some switch from texting to video calls.

Such novels practically crowd out real life. A person risks immersing himself in the online world and is drawn into the presented communication through a smartphone screen or monitor. This leads to the fact that communication in the real world no longer becomes relevant and interesting. After all, there is a person on the other side of the monitor who will understand, caress, and love.

Thus, we can say that virtual relationships are practically no different from real ones when it comes to feelings. You also communicate with your partner, exchanging pleasantries, but with the help of modern technology.

Online flirting with a man by correspondence - Top phrases

Flirting is the art of evoking emotions in a person

To become a true master of flirting, you need to learn how to manage a man’s emotional state. This is what we will learn in this article. Let's start with the basics!

The first rule of successful online flirting is avoiding templates

Banal and boring SMS do not evoke any emotions. "Hi, how are you?" "Hi what are you doing?" — These are examples of template messages that do not bring you closer to a man.

If you are interested in the topic of relationships, subscribe to my new Instagram account. Here you will learn a lot of useful information! Follow the link and read the posts

Link to account: https://www.instagram.com/vadim.kalantarov/

Second rule - Correspondence should evoke emotions (Any)

Game of desire in Truth or Dare

A person has 6 basic emotions (Joy, surprise, anger, disgust, sadness, fear)

Evoking any emotions is good for flirting, but it’s bad when a person doesn’t experience anything when communicating with you! The easiest way is to evoke negative emotions in a person, but you need to be careful with them and not overdo it. Learning to manage people's negativity is an art.

Unpleasant Fact: Historically, people react more strongly to negativity.

Examples of messages that evoke emotions:

“I know something about you” causes surprise, and in some cases, fear

“I had a better opinion of you” - causes anger or disgust, and maybe sadness

“I liked one thing about you” - intrigue + joy

When flirting, you take a person on a carousel of emotions, and he remembers you. But everything needs to be done correctly and consistently. Let's start from the very beginning, namely from the first message stage.

I also recommend reading: What can you ask a guy via text - TOP 25 catchy questions (Opens in a new tab)

How to build a long-distance relationship with a man: 7 postulates of virtual communication

1. In search of virtual love, you should not build a relationship with a foreigner and pick up a passion from other cities/countries, since the kilometers separating you make frequent and productive communication in real life obviously impossible. Accordingly, joint “cultivation of love” is absolutely impossible here.
2. You should not take on faith any “information about yourself” provided to you: remember the absolute truth that “it’s better to see once...”
3. You shouldn’t pour out your soul online, talk in detail about yourself and your life, or share your innermost secrets: on the Internet everything is like in court - any information can always be used against you.
4. You should not confess your love to a guy by correspondence, believe similar confessions and make any promises: remember, no matter what feelings and emotions you experience, they are still very far from true love. It’s better to save such pleasant moments for a “live and real” romantic evening.
5. Do not succumb to provocations and agree to dubious offers. In general, no one has yet canceled having a “head on your shoulders,” and a sober mind and trust in your own intuition in any situation can become your main trump card.
6. You should not put any information compromising you online (personal photos, explicit videos, intimate confessions, etc.), and under no circumstances agree to any kind of virtual sex.

7. And finally, you shouldn’t drag out correspondence on the Internet for more than a month - organize a normal real meeting and start building strong live relationships.

Published: March 29, 2017

Rules of good manners i

In any communication, it is extremely important that the interlocutor is adequate. It doesn’t matter whether you are planning to make new friends or are looking for serious feelings - you must behave correctly so as not to offend anyone or seem boring. If you follow these tips, you will never be alone and can find personal happiness even online.

Literacy. Nobody likes it when their interlocutor constantly makes mistakes. If in speech this is sometimes hidden and not so obvious, then in a letter you will not be able to hide your ignorance. If you are not sure how to spell a particular word, then it is better to look in a spelling dictionary. This will allow you to avoid incidents. The same applies to the meaning of many words. There's no point in showing off your amazing vocabulary if you're not entirely sure what your phrases mean. And don’t forget about punctuation – the absence of commas and periods is very annoying. However, so is their excessive presence.
Emoticons. It’s okay to supplement your text with funny emoticons. It’s not normal when you try to put almost all the information into these pictures. In a jumble of images, it is difficult to understand what exactly you meant, so the interlocutor will most likely not want to continue the conversation. Don’t try to cram a large number of emoji everywhere, because it will seem that you are not an adult, but a 13-year-old child who has been allowed to access the Internet.

Flood. There are people who seem physically unable to formulate a thought into a full sentence. And then they begin to split it into parts and send dozens of messages with one word. It’s difficult to describe how annoying this way of presenting information is, because it’s so impossible to understand where one sentence ends and another begins. If you can’t write a message right away, it’s better to think about it, and only then sit down at the keyboard. Otherwise, you simply won’t have any interlocutors left.
Mat. In everyday life, many people sometimes resort to obscene language. There is nothing terrible about this if it happens rarely. However, it’s bad if you can’t do without these dirty words not only in speech, but also in writing. Correspondence on the Internet is the only place where it is not necessary to write huge messages, supplementing them with obscenities. The absence of obscene words will only arouse respect for you and increase interest on the part of your interlocutor.

These are the basic rules thanks to which you will never find yourself in an awkward position when chatting online. There are other tips that are more obvious, but every Internet user knows about them. There is no need to send advertising spam, sprinkle links and loaded images - all this calls into question your literacy and makes you look like a teenager.

Is virtual relationships necessary?

Freedom and risk, freshness of impressions and the illusory nature of what is happening - virtual communication has its pros and cons. Is it worth trying?

Yes, if all traditional methods of finding your other half do not suit you for objective reasons. Undiluted male and female teams at the place of work or study often create a situation of forced loneliness. There is no opportunity not only to have an affair, but also to flirt for your own pleasure. The network allows you to compensate for the lack of communication with the opposite sex.

No, if there is a sad experience of virtual relationships. Do love failures haunt you one after another? Don't waste your screen time. Perhaps this is just not your format. Look for a way to forget about the existence of virtual love: remove yourself from social networks, withdraw profiles from dating sites. Live communication is necessary. This is how you are made. There is no need to torture yourself and others with fruitless attempts to build love from hashtags.

Virtual communication is not a panacea for loneliness: there are contraindications and side effects. But for the dedicated user, the Internet opens up new opportunities in finding an ideal partner, which significantly reduces the waiting time for a meeting.

Pros and cons of such love

Advantages:

Communicate anywhere there is an Internet connection.
There is time to think about the answer to the question received.
You can show your good side.
Ability to avoid conflict situations.
You can talk about all your problems and get support.
Meet interesting personalities.
There is no need to think about appearance. You just need to make an impression.

Flaws:

Fear of meeting. You can be disappointed in a person.
A dependency is formed.
It is difficult to live up to the created image.
Attachment.
Habit of lying.
The risk of losing the skill in live communication.

What is love on the Internet?

The kingdom of free princes and lonely beauties - this is how newcomers who decide to experiment on the personal front imagine the Network. Of course, there is no guarantee that this is where you will meet your soulmate. Virtual love and virtual relationships differ from real ones only in the way of establishing contact with a partner and the ability to disguise the real “I”. The rest is the same magic of a complex feeling of irresistible attraction to another person.

Finding the woman or man of your dreams on the Internet is no easier than offline. Do not rush to press the keys if you are not created for online flirting.

What does online love give?

Online relationships can change your life because:

Invaluable experience is gained. Flirting with different partners teaches you to understand people, tune in to your interlocutor’s wavelength, and skillfully present yourself in a favorable light. The acquired skills of flexible communication with representatives of the opposite sex will definitely be useful in everyday life.
Dreams come true. You are not chosen, but you choose. There is no need to agree to a relationship with the first person you meet according to the principle “without fish, cancer will do.” It’s okay if all the eligible brides and grooms in the regional center have been dealt with. The search engine will offer candidates for your hand and heart without reference to place of residence: from Vologda to Venice. Knowledge of a foreign language erases borders and language barriers. The likelihood of finding a suitable candidate increases significantly.

Virtual relationships: the danger of addiction

Believing that such communication is just a hobby, many are mistaken. After all, the World Wide Web can develop a terrible addiction. Society is becoming obsessed; it cannot imagine life without social networks. Everything connected with reality fades into the background. The unfortunate are confident, in digital reality they wait, love, and understand. The whole point is that here a person is able to be whoever he wants. The real face is hidden, no one knows the truth. An invented nickname, a colorful picture behind which any character can hide, is put on display for everyone to see.

The desire to find a soul mate overshadows common sense. When coming up with the ideal candidate, the unfortunate people forget that a completely opposite personality may be sitting on the other side of the monitor. The Internet is a place where one can hide shortcomings; everyone carefully hides them, exposing only positive features.

The big advantage of Internet love is the lack of obligations. There is no need to call, make excuses, surprise, make surprises. The only thing that will happen here is that the interlocutor will disappear for no reason. But this is much more harmless than pregnancy, division of property, divorce.

Challenges of LDR

Surveys of students suggest that partners who doubted they would ever live together felt “significantly more upset and less satisfied” than those who were sure.

Of course, few people are able to withstand the high level of uncertainty inherent in long-distance relationships: they involve greater freedom for both partners and less opportunity for control. In addition, it is much easier to end a long-distance relationship - this circumstance makes it difficult for some to feel safe.

Ekaterina Ignatova, psychologist:
“Our way of building relationships is greatly influenced by the type of attachment (J. Bowlby) that we acquire in our parental family. For people with a secure attachment type, distance may not significantly affect the perception of their partner and themselves. For them, long-distance relationships can be quite strong and close.
If a person has an anxious or avoidant attachment type, then increasing distance causes severe anxiety. It is important for them to receive confirmation of their love. Because of anxiety, there is a temptation to think further, doubt, and look for flaws in your partner. In such conditions, difficulties and conflicts are experienced especially acutely. And, of course, this greatly affects the climate in relations and their stability.”

What other challenges are there in LDR?

Difference in time

Synchronizing your time for communication is quite difficult, especially when you have a big difference in time zones. When one of the partners has a free minute, and the other is working, relaxing with friends or just sleeping, it’s quite difficult to say to yourself “oh well” and go about your business. When you want attention and communication, but there is no way to satisfy the need for this on your own, thoughts of loneliness and jealousy may arise.

Difference in mentality

The difference in the attitude of partners towards work, money, family and childbirth is important. Our values depend on our upbringing and the culture in which we were formed. Sometimes cultural differences can become quite a problem.

The language barrier can also be added to this point: if partners are native speakers of different languages, then it will be more difficult for them to express their feelings and emotions, especially when correspondence is the main method of communication.

And at first, misunderstandings are inevitable, even if you have a perfect command of the language your partner speaks.

Jealousy

Neither partner in a long-distance relationship can control the other: who is he with, what is he doing, and is he telling the truth? Jealousy appears not only from the fear that they will find a replacement for you, but also due to the fact that the partner spends time with friends: they can be near him, but you cannot.

Lack of physical intimacy

Sex is one of the most important items on the LDR list of challenges. Physical intimacy contributes to the emergence of attachment to a person on a hormonal level: we need touch, kind words, hugs from a partner. In addition, it is much easier to convey your emotions by simply hugging a person, looking into their eyes, or smiling. People have different sexual needs, but almost everyone has them.

Woman, 23 years old, Ukraine, in LDR with a Russian:
“The most important difficulty is the lack of warmth, tenderness, hugs and support. Tactile sensations, social stroking, the opportunity to fool around, watch a movie in an embrace - I need all this like air. If I felt bad and my man was nearby at that moment, he would probably just hug me, but he doesn’t know how to show tenderness from a distance. I have to put up with this. And emotions are still invisible: it is impossible to track how your words and actions affect a person. Everything needs to be spoken out.”

Loved ones against

Both among young people and among older people, there are those who look at relationships more conservatively, believing that LDR is self-indulgence. It’s especially hard when your loved ones think so. You want to feel support from them, but all you see is distrust and a desire to prove that your relationship is doomed.

What is virtual love like?

Such a strange phenomenon even acquired its own classification, which is based on the initial motives of acquaintance and the emergence of communication.

Love out of boredom. It is not uncommon for married women or married men, who may have a happy family, children and a successful career, to experience this phenomenon. Everything is good, but something is wrong, boring and gray. And then you come across a dating site or social network, where in just 15-20 minutes you can find a like-minded person or just a nice person with whom you can chat about everything in the world. Such communication can last more than one month, but usually ends with one of the interlocutors realizing that meetings in real life are unnecessary, and he no longer sees further developments.
For sexual satisfaction. It all starts the same way as in the previous paragraph, but everything ends after the first meeting, because it’s so convenient: to find a “victim”, so to speak, without leaving home.
Random. It is in this case that there is something to look forward to; it is quite possible that such virtual love will even end in a real relationship in life. Usually it begins with ordinary communication, where none of the interlocutors pursues specific goals, and, over time, people realize that they have very similar feelings, emotions and attitudes.

Pros of relationships on the World Wide Web

Of course, not everything is as bad as it might seem. There are also significant advantages to virtual love:

the opportunity to communicate without leaving home, in a comfortable environment;
you can carefully consider the answer to a difficult question;
the opportunity to demonstrate your best side;
conflict can be avoided;
no need to dress up and think through an image for little things;
you can meet different interesting people;
you can share your problems.

Of course, anyone can expand this list.

Why does it occur?

The main weapon of virtual love on the Internet is words. They are capable of evoking a variety of emotions in those people who correspond. And quite often, those communicating see much more meaning in words than the interlocutor actually wanted to say.

Long-distance relationships are like a beautiful fairy tale, written by two people. And they choose their own images, invent their own story and live it every time they communicate. Such a connection allows you to become anyone you want. And the most important advantage is that the real state of affairs, in most cases, remains unknown to the interlocutors.

LDR Statistics

Long-distance relationships have begun to be seriously studied in the last 15–20 years, so there is not much statistical data about them.

According to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships (in the USA):
14 million couples identify themselves as having a long-distance relationship;
3.75 million married couples are in LDR;
32.5% of all LDRs are relationships between university and college students;
75% of all engaged couples have been in a long-distance relationship at some point;
2.9% of all married couples in the United States live separately;
10% of all marriages in the United States began with a long-distance relationship;
40% of all LDRs end in breakup;
1.5 times a month is the average number of times partners visit each other;
14 months is the average number of months it takes before partners begin planning to live together.

LDRs are especially common among the younger generation: students make up 25% to 50% of the participants in such relationships.

A 2010 study in Germany found that the average length of a long-distance relationship was 2.9 years. This is less than half the length of a “regular” relationship, which is 7.3 years.

About a third of LDR couples broke up within three months of moving in together.

OUTSTANDING LIES

“No, I’m not married and I don’t have children”; “I lead a completely healthy lifestyle”; “I’m ready to get a divorce so that you and I can be together”; “I love you very much and I want us to have a family.” Perhaps issues of marriage and children are the most common reason for deception on the Internet. While you are “free”, many people are interested in you. But if you directly say that you are married and are looking for a mistress, this is a completely different “format of communication.” Firstly, the wife can catch it. Secondly, women of “easy” virtue offer themselves as mistresses for financial reward. But you want to be truly loved, so that they wait and catch every word. It is difficult for girls, and even boys, to believe that behind compliments and declarations of love there can only be calculation and a desire to use you for their own purposes. While you are only online interlocutors, it is difficult to discern the soul. This means it’s easier to use with minimal stress on your own conscience.

Psychology books say that the easiest way to lie is over the phone. The information is outdated. The easiest way to lie is on the Internet. To the point that “the one-on-the-other-side” may turn out to be a bored old lady instead of a sultry macho. It is impossible to recognize a person using only this channel. Sometimes you yourself are ready to embellish your Internet interlocutor. Sometimes people outright lie to you.

This does not mean that it is impossible to meet a good, honest and open person on the Internet. There are many people who are ready to embellish themselves just a little, but do not stoop to outright lies. But to test this, translate your communication into a “real” format. And may the New Year work wonders! Miracles of love, of course.

Yulia, 31 years old

GRAB A VIRGIN

I met a 32-year-old man on the Internet. He is married, has two children, lives a thousand kilometers from the Moscow Ring Road. Two months later he arrived, we walked hand in hand, he weakly offered me “his hand and his heart.” I didn't take him seriously. He left, but bombarded me with declarations of love. A few months later he came for the second time and invited me to a hotel room. But I didn’t have anyone yet, and I refused him, but he didn’t insist, he just dryly said that it was all over. So many days have passed, but I still can’t forget him. Have you missed your only one in life?

Oksana, 30 years old

DECEPTED CLASSMATE

I met my classmate on a social network; he introduced himself as a military man from Chechnya. Petya began bombarding me with messages, saying that he was not married (and how can one get married in such a profession?). Sometimes he disappeared, but explained this by business trips to the mountains. He came to see me several times for several days. But on New Year’s Eve he disappeared, I sent him an SMS. The wife answered: “Leave him alone, he is at home, playing with the child.” It turned out that he was a truck driver and had two children.

How to survive in LDR

In order not to screw up in a long-distance relationship, you need to understand what you expect from each other - and talk about it with your partner.

For example, decide whether it is acceptable for you to have sex with other people - or whether sexual exclusivity is important to you even in a long-distance relationship.

If you decide that you can indulge in outside relationships, then remember that physical intimacy promotes the production of oxytocin and affection. Don't forget to discuss this too: maybe a long-distance relationship seems like an ideal basis for polyamory, but your partner is already committed to strict abstinence.

Distance teaches you how to build communication, since you have to discuss everything that worries you in words. When you finally start living together, this skill will come in handy.

Girl, 23, Ukraine, 3 years in LDR with a Russian:
“It’s better to negotiate everything on the shore. How to communicate, how to support, how to resolve conflicts, what do you expect from the relationship and what do you want to achieve, will you have children, etc. Because spending several years on a person with whom you have different life goals and values, - unreasonable."

Do not narrow your entire world to one point on the map - the place where your loved one is. It is impossible for everything to converge on him alone. Putting your social life on hold just because your loved one can't be there in person is wrong.

Girl, 21, Russia, 1 year in LDR with a German:
“Another huge disadvantage is that my whole life is on my phone. I remember parties where friends said: “Hey, put down your iPad and chat with us.” How can I do this if there, 700 km away from me, he wants to discuss something right now and if I say: “Sorry, I want to be with friends, let’s discuss this tomorrow,” he will worry and won’t be able to sleep . There was a case when I was in Barcelona and I didn’t have mobile Internet, and he wrote a bunch of messages on a topic that we discussed before I was offline, he himself drew some conclusions, broke up with me (!!!) , wrote to my sister and her boyfriend, and all this in a couple of hours of my absence. Then I returned, and he apologized for a long time and corrected the consequences of what he had done.”

Create joint rituals. Calls before bed, exchange of photos from trips, audio messages telling how the day went.

Regular joint activities help to be closer. Thanks to gadgets, you can have dinner together, fall asleep or go shopping - take advantage of it.

Don't forget about sex. Technology provides many opportunities to experience long-distance sexual connection. In addition to sexting and sharing erotic photos and videos, there are gadgets that can be controlled remotely from anywhere in the world.

Discuss your expectations of each other and your future. If you initially have different plans, it’s unlikely that anything good will come of it.

You want a big house, a dog and a bunch of kids, and your partner wants to travel around the world with one backpack. If your goals do not coincide, no matter how much you love a person, he will not change. And if he changes for your sake, he will be unhappy and most likely you will be to blame for this. But that's not what we want, right?

Ekaterina Ignatova, psychologist:
“At the very beginning of a relationship, it is important for partners to discuss why they need this relationship in this format, what options there are for the development of events. If for one it is just a temporary relationship, and for the other it is the hope of migrating to another country, then it is better to clarify these expectations at the start. So that there are no disappointed hopes. It is also important to agree on the frequency and method of communication. About whether it is possible to have sexual relations with someone else. About what will be considered treason. About who pays the costs of organizing meetings.
In fact, we are talking about the so-called contract, which is “concluded” in any relationship. It’s just that the content of such an agreement for a long-distance relationship is slightly different.”

Meet. If there is an opportunity to see each other, do not neglect it: spending time together, even if it is short, will support you in the LDR stage. You need hugs and touches to nourish your love not only spiritually, but also physically.

Trust. Without trust, you cannot build any relationship. If you constantly torment yourself with guesses about where your partner is, what he is doing and with whom, you will go crazy.

The dangers of virtual love

The main danger of virtual love is that a person falls in love with an invented image. While he communicates with someone whom he does not see or hear, he creates a certain ideal image in his head. If you meet your interlocutor in reality, then, most likely, he will disappoint, since he will not correspond to this image.

While a person falls in love with a virtual “prince” or “princess,” he is already developing and experiencing them. Vivid emotions unfold in a person’s head, and not in reality. This leads to the fact that a person gets used to living in a fictitious world, and not in the real one. But the real world is full of sadness, resentment, stress, and the need to make efforts to build beautiful and happy relationships.

The attractiveness of virtual relationships lies in the fact that a person does not pursue the goal of building a serious relationship, but is looking for vivid emotions and experiences. He is pleased to hear compliments addressed to him and give virtual gifts to his interlocutors.

Moreover, only on dating sites can you immediately meet many members of the opposite sex. And no one will accuse you of treason! You can communicate with 10 men or women at once, without obliging yourself to anything.

Virtual relationships are a union that does not exist. There are no problems or difficulties in it. You can be ideal yourself and be what you have always dreamed of.

Psychology of LDR

The worldview of new generations allows for different formats of relationships. If previously it was difficult to move away from the “school-university-family” trajectory, now you can live the way you feel comfortable, and society is no longer too judgmental of those who do not follow the path trodden by their parents. The long-distance relationship format destroys spiritual bonds: it does not fit into established ideas about family.

New generations have a different approach to creating a couple and, subsequently, a family. More thoughtful, does not tolerate haste, and this is not only about the desire to “live for yourself”, it is about awareness. Young people are in no hurry to start families so as not to make mistakes. They want children to be born in a healthy atmosphere of partnership and raised in love and harmony.

Male, 27 years old, Finland, one year in LDR with an Australian woman:
“I am very sensitive, many traits can scare me away: taste in music, choice of pets, clothing style, favorite philosophers, preferences in art, ability to communicate, willpower - all this matters when choosing a partner. It turned out that within a radius of hundreds of kilometers from me, I simply could not find a person who would interest me. What option do I have? To choose from those who are nearby and start a relationship with many compromises - for what?”

Over the course of a decade and a half in Russia, the age at first marriage has increased for both men and women by almost 3 years (for men - from 24.4 to 27.4; for women - from 22.2 to 25).

Modern young people consider indicators of success not so much the presence of housing and family, but social mobility, the opportunity to travel and engage in self-development. In their opinion, it is much more productive to create a union when you are two mature individuals and when family is another step in this development for you. Research shows that officially registered marriages are becoming fewer and fewer.

Ekaterina Ignatova, psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the “Butterfly Affect” telegram channel:
“The attitude towards intimacy is changing. For generation Z, this is not only and not so much about sex, but about spiritual intimacy and friendship. Thanks to technology, close and deep relationships can be maintained at a distance.”

According to a 2007 study, people in long-distance relationships have a more idealistic view of their partner and have more positive memories and romance compared to couples who live together.

Many readers of my channel note that they feel more free in LDR: they have more opportunities to meet with friends and family, and there is no need to adjust their schedule to meet with their loved one.

Male, 27 years old, Finland, one year in LDR with an Australian woman:
“You can communicate with the person who is in love with you at any time and get to know each other without changing your lifestyle.”

Problems of virtual communication

Most manipulations of information in the information society occur through interactive forms of interaction and influence, since this significantly speeds up the processes of obtaining and processing it. Thus, live communication is devalued, turning into virtual, profitable and accessible, allowing you to simultaneously process multiple information flows in the shortest possible time.

Virtual communication includes new sign systems, forming a new language of the information society. The new system of signs acts as a means of communication on the network and also manages information flows. Through virtual language, Internet users express themselves and transmit important information.

The individual’s virtual “I” is realized and exists through speech, which has the following characteristics: situational, incomplete, in contrast to everyday speech; the ability to communicate with several people. By communicating with several Internet users at once, an individual may feel successful, but in the future this may have a negative role in communication.

Virtual and real communication have a significant difference

When communicating virtually, Internet users pay attention to the interlocutor’s outlook, intelligence, humor, ability to conduct a conversation, “complete” images to their liking, endowing them with non-existent qualities

The main problem with virtual dating is that the longer people communicate on the Internet, the more discrepancies there will be in their images. If in the future Internet users plan to continue acquaintances in life, then psychologists advise not to delay virtual communication and transfer it to real communication as quickly as possible. However, this does not guarantee against disappointments, disappointed expectations and discrepancies between ideas and real images.

What is the danger?

Building love online can have its consequences. First of all, addiction. People are so captivated by the fact of correspondence that they are completely immersed in the virtual world. Moreover, without embarrassment, a person introduces himself as anyone, says anything, without being responsible for his words.

The problem of communicating on the Internet is due to the fact that people here find friends and love, hiding from loneliness in real life. However, problems in life are not solved in this way, but rather get worse. It is more difficult for a person who is addicted to communication on the Internet to contact people in the future. Gradually this habit becomes dull. It is quite difficult to get out of this web on your own. Many people resort to the help of a psychologist.

The main problems of communication on the Internet:

Self-identification. A person chooses a specific role for himself, putting on a comfortable mask. At the same time, the contrived role gradually turns into a habit. A person loses his individuality.
Addiction. Problems, complexes, failures - all these components lead a person to online communication. At the same time, in real life they only get worse, and the desire to be “online” increases. In other words, a person leaves, hides from his real problems. You can compare this phenomenon with a debtor who hides from creditors because of debts.
Habit of deception. Yes, virtuality allows for lies and embellishment of one’s biography.

Gradually, lying becomes a habit and “migrates” into real life.

Virtual love and virtual relationships: the attractive power of a mirage

So why does virtual love seem so attractive? The question is quite philosophical...

What, for example, is it that attracts people to drugs? After all, in our enlightened age there are no longer those uninformed about the harm and danger of such dope. However, the prospect of “relaxing”, resting and forgetting about problems for a while is too tempting, and after a couple of months the need for a dose already drowns out all other aspirations and instincts.

Virtual love becomes such “emotional cocaine” for fans of the World Wide Web.

Initially, love over the Internet looks very tempting: you don’t have to adapt to another person, break some of your principles and habits, constantly sacrifice something... Such long-distance relationships - without responsibility and obligations - are extremely convenient: a person seems to be free, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel lonely (after all, someone will say a kind word, listen to complaints about life and help pass the evening).

However, such love by correspondence very quickly acquires the status of a need. And when a virtual “half” suddenly disappears (for example, having abandoned a long-distance relationship, a man stopped writing to a girl who is already accustomed to considering him “her boyfriend”) the person experiences severe “emotional withdrawal.”

Uncensored Relationships4

Social networks are truly a fertile place to express your opinion, defend your position and generally show your own “I”. The same applies to more personal relationships online, because here you don’t have to worry about your voice trembling or forgetting your words. You can think about each message in advance, print it, run it through an editor (otherwise God forbid they decide that you are an illiterate person), add a beautiful poem from the Internet and voila - you are already an ideal partner for life together.

Or you can discuss some pressing problem, telling without hiding all its details. The person on the other end will not see your emotions, tears, fear, so everything will look as civilized as possible. It is important in such a couple after meeting in reality not to withdraw into themselves and not begin to be shy, because this will destroy the whole picture.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is the same techniques used by school bullies who tease and torment the victim, but now not in the classroom, but on social networks. This could include insults, unauthorized posting of personal information in the public domain, or even the creation of websites and pages where you are humiliated and insulted.

Special cases of cyberbullying include Postnauka: Cyberbullying trolling (provocative mockery known to everyone), griefing (stalking other players in online games to prevent them from enjoying the game) and non-consensual sexting (sending porn content to people who did not ask for it at all). You can read how to protect yourself and punish those responsible in Lifehacker’s special project.

Is it necessary to move from virtual to real?

It all depends on your moral readiness and the purpose of communication. Sometimes it is better not to move from the virtual world to the real one. However, if the desire to meet in life is mutual, then why should you resist? If your wishes do not come true, then let it be a lesson. As they say, it is better to do something and regret it than not to do it and also regret it.

You should not have high hopes for a meeting in reality. Often people become just good friends. Often the first meeting in life becomes the last. The interlocutor does not have to meet your expectations, just as you do not have to meet his.

Virtual relationships are all about experience: whether good or not depends on the situation. However, this experience is priceless. It’s better to meet a person in life and chat. In this case, you can consider it. What if, indeed, this person is the one you’ve been looking for for so long?!

How to make a relationship a reality and is it worth doing?

Traveling online with serious intentions is not a one-way ticket. You will have to return to earth and meet your chosen one if you dream of a real family, a cozy home and heirs. You choose the time when to go offline.

Start by switching your communication mode from text to voice and video messages. Try to discuss topics related to everyday life more often: professional achievements, everyday problems.

The following signs indicate the degree of your readiness to hug your partner and confess your feelings to him face to face at a table in a cafe:

There was a feeling that you had known each other for a long time, there was no fear of facing the unknown.
Your desire to see each other is mutual.
There are specific plans for a future together.

If everything goes perfectly in online dating and dreams come true, then you should definitely try to move into the real world. A fictional love boat does not always crash against the truth of life. Many people manage to make a fairy tale come true. Those who don't take risks don't drink champagne at the wedding table.

Without facts there is no contact

Nowadays, almost anything can be faked. You can create such a plausible fake page online that people will start signing in droves and believing every word. But if you start a romantic conversation with a person on the other side of the monitor, you should not immediately tell him about all the nuances of your life. And it’s even better to find out all these nuances from him or her.

Of course, scans of your passport and TIN will not be sent to you, but at least you can be sure of the gender of your interlocutor. Try calling if possible. Even two minutes of a telephone conversation will be enough to verify the gender identity of the intended soulmate.

No finances - no romances? 3

Another type of virtual “love” is a request to send a certain amount of money, because it is really necessary. In the wake of a romantic mood, many fall for this trick, being confident in the honesty of their protégé. But existing online is not at all the same as living in real life. If you do not have a guarantee that the person to whom you are sending money is real and that his thoughts are pure, then you can safely send it to all four directions. Not a single person who is truly in love will forgive a decent amount of money after a week of dating. Even if you really need it.

But not everything is so mournful in the world of VR. Not every second person here is an extortionist and a scammer, eager to get as much money from you as possible. There are also advantages from such “contactless contact”.

Chatting in Internet

The interlocutor, his photo (possibly not his own), his messages in which he expresses his thoughts and feelings. Everything else is thought out and completed by our human imagination. By the way, this applies not only to the Internet. After all, we come up with the image of our favorite artist, a player in real life. There are even fans of celebrities who have real emotions for them, such as falling in love. Most likely, what fans “love” is not the person himself, but his artificially created image - the image.

When communicating on the World Wide Web, various traits of a person’s character and temperament are affected: from personal needs to internal complexes. Even for people with complexes, there is a real opportunity here to lift the veil of their insides, because heart-to-heart conversations often take place on the Internet.

In reality, people rather pay attention to the appearance of the interlocutor, his manner of dressing.

We talk about all sorts of ordinary things:

“How great the weather is today” or “How are you doing?”

In trifles and vanity, there is no time to ask your interlocutor about his personality, his desires, his worldview; to philosophize after all. And on the Internet there are all the opportunities for deep communication with each other, and this indisputable fact brings people together.

Your interlocutor from the Internet contacts you directly, recognizes and questions you, he is interested in your personality. And I can’t help but like it! You already want more than just virtual contact. You understand that you are carried away by your interlocutor and your feelings for him take on a real coloring.

You want to meet him in real life, and you begin to look for ways to meet.

The upcoming meeting excites the soul: what is an online acquaintance really like? No matter how good he (s) is in virtual communication, no one can truly prove himself 100%. A person creates a unique image for himself.

19/01/2018

In our modern times, when communication between people is increasingly transferred to the Internet, it is here that not only acquaintances, but also friendships, and even the emergence of feelings, increasingly occur. Virtual love arises. But how real is this love and is it possible for such a relationship to continue?

For some, virtual love is just another form of entertainment, while for others it is an attempt to avoid loneliness. Virtual communication helps modest, shy, lonely people and those with physical disabilities. After all, it’s much easier to meet someone, open up, and even confess your feelings virtually than to be nervous, blush, and get rejected in real life. The main advantages of virtual relationships are speed, time savings, and the opportunity to meet a person even from another country.

Virtual love, or rather falling in love, is an extremely common phenomenon on the Internet. Almost everyone who began to communicate regularly in virtual society has caught himself at least once when his interest in some person takes on the features of romantic infatuation. But a virtual romance doesn’t immediately mean a lot to everyone. At first, communication is often perceived as a fun game, a cure for boredom and a pleasant pastime. The person is very critical of what is happening and does not attach much importance to correspondence. However, you need to be prepared that, due to the “peculiarities of the genre,” everyone, even the most sane person, has a serious threat of playing too much, becoming dependent on correspondence relationships and falling in love for real, really.

It matters greatly who searches for what on the World Wide Web. People usually look for things on the Internet that they don’t find in real life. Some hang out on dating sites in order to find a life partner, because the Internet provides more opportunities than marriage agencies or newspaper advertisements. They choose the profile they like with a photo, start communicating, make an appointment, and then look at the situation. Others find communication on the Internet based on their interests. Then, as in the process of any communication, people develop sympathy for someone and antipathy for someone. And still others are looking solely for entertainment.

The main danger of virtual relationships is not even that the person on the other end will not be who he says he is, but that you yourself begin to idealize the person, inventing his image. Due to the fact that you only see what is written to you, you have a huge space for imagination. In addition, unlike real communication, you are deprived of the opportunity to use such important analyzers as visual, olfactory and tactile. You don’t smell the person, you don’t see the dynamics of his movements, you can’t touch him. You don’t hear how he communicates with other people, you don’t see his facial expressions in response to various situations. Meanwhile, these analyzers, although not always conscious, are very important when we evaluate a person in real communication.

You imagine a person in your own way, completely different from how it might actually be. The desire to meet an ideal partner paints beautiful images; this takes many away from a sober analysis of the person sitting on the other side of the screen. In addition, you do not see his negative qualities, if only because he does not demonstrate them to you. However, like you to him. This is generally a feature of correspondence as a genre. But you receive magic words addressed to you personally: compliments pour in like from a cornucopia. Writing the phrase: “You are a wonderful person” is much easier than saying it in a real situation. Therefore, the virtual partner finds himself in a more advantageous situation than a real person.

Idealization in virtual relationships makes you break away from reality and believe in a dream. Full contact cannot be as ideal as virtual contact. Therefore, falling in love virtually is much easier.

In real life, it is indeed difficult to love a person and give him your warmth, because for this you may have to do a lot and sacrifice a lot. Virtual reality is much simpler in this regard - there you don’t have to express yourself in anything other than words. Therefore, some people who thirst for love go into this unreal reality, where it is much easier for them to receive, if not real love, then at least its beautiful illusion, which is quite enough for them.

With a stranger we can exchange a lot of stories, trust a lot of secrets, which we would never do if we knew that we could actually meet him, that he could somehow influence our lives. Initially believing that this is just correspondence, we trust a person with a lot of everything, spill our secrets on him and receive the same in response. This is how the proximity effect occurs. And if there is a soul mate on the other end, then you find a response to your emotions and experiences. He also shares his emotions and experiences with you, which results in a fairly open exchange, which we most often lack in real life. This intoxicating feeling is the opportunity to share the secret. It is not surprising that many become addicted to such communication.

During correspondence, people become dependent on the emotions they receive from reading the words of another. Moreover, most emotions are invented by themselves and become attached to a specific person. There is a feeling that no one else is capable of causing the same thing in you. Therefore, feelings arise not only that are quite real, but often even stronger than those that you experienced for someone before, for someone who could be touched in real life.

People who have experienced this intoxicating feeling of closeness and trust in virtual communication claim that it is simply impossible to feel this during real communication. For many, it is becoming increasingly clear what a person actually looks like, what he does, the main thing is that “he is able to understand this way.” It is because of this that many tend to identify what they feel as true love.

When communicating online, very complex interaction is generated by a mixture of the individual’s internal needs, fantasies and feelings. Complexes and stereotypes have an inhibitory effect. But there are also catalysts that promote and accelerate the development of feelings. The catalyst may be that communication on the Internet, as a rule, occurs at a higher, spiritual level.

We must not forget that on the Internet we are not dealing with real people, but with the images they paint for us. But there cannot be love only for an image, for a symbol, for a photograph. True love can arise when one partner begins to imagine the other in all his reality, when, in addition to photographs and communication, he can trust and open up to him, when he finds mutual understanding and when they are both ready for a real meeting.

Advice for those who started relationships online: in virtual friendship and love, be interested in a real person. Try to delve into your virtual partner as much as possible, communicate with him about him, and not about your own. Try to ask him more than to speak out yourself. Not in order to remain in the shadows, but in order to give your virtual partner the opportunity to speak out, so that he feels real interest in him. Then the relationship will begin to gradually rebuild to a more real and meaningful level. But if you feel that you don’t need it - to delve into or be sympathetic to that person, that you are simply bored, then it’s time to end this relationship and not mislead yourself and the other person.

Real love, and not its illusion, can arise when partners imagine each other in all reality and are ready for real meetings and real relationships.

At a distance, feelings begin to go off scale due to the inability to receive natural contact for a person - bodily contact. The thought of a real meeting drives me crazy. Frustration due to the inability to feel real closeness with a person with whom virtual intimacy has arisen fuels feelings and ignites passion.

Virtual love needs further development in real life to become real love.

A real meeting is actually necessary when it comes to the emergence of feelings. The sooner the real meeting takes place, the fewer misleading impressions you will have about each other. Only it will become a measure of where the fantasy was and where the truth was, whether it was fate or the mockery of fate. And here you need to be prepared for any development of events. There is no recipe or reliable statistics on this yet. But there is the main sign of a healthy relationship between partners in virtual love - this is a mutual willingness to transfer the relationship to real life. Even if you are separated by distance and borders, the first meeting is simply necessary, and only after it can virtual and real communication successfully complement each other for some time.

At a certain period of online communication, very often virtual lovers suddenly begin to fear the development of their relationship, because the natural development is their real meeting. People are afraid of the transition from the virtual plane to the real one, and there are many reasons for this. They can gush and fantasize as much as they want in correspondence, but they are in no hurry to actually meet in life - due to the same fear. Pleasant communication online is also a form of pleasure. I really want it not to dry out. But people think that after a real meeting everything may change, they may become disappointed in each other, and after that there will no longer be that pleasant correspondence online.

And it is not surprising that in the event of loss of reciprocity, people suffer as if it were really some kind of serious relationship. Of course, the strength of suffering is not determined by the character of a person and the seriousness of the relationship. It happens that a person is truly involved in these virtual relationships, trusts and opens his feelings. And if the second partner took such correspondence more lightly, and then for some reason decided to end the communication, then the first partner becomes very sad. A person suffers from unrequited love, he begins to suffer and worry. This can be observed not only in virtual communication, but also in real life.

In general, very often people call love something that in fact is not love. And because of the substitution of concepts, problems occur, sometimes very serious ones. Passion and thrill, or, on the contrary, a dominant thought, sometimes to the point of obsession, are often mistaken for love. It's quite easy to understand here. If such “love” prevents you from living and creating, if it suppresses you, causes a lot of problems and painful experiences - this is not love at all, look for another word to designate it. Because love is always a creative force! And it doesn’t matter whether it’s love for your wife or husband, for a singer, an actor, for a neighbor’s guy or for an online acquaintance - this love should inspire you, make you better, fill you with energy, strength and pure desires. Then it can be called love!

Author: Irina Gasnikova Info: WWW Photo: WWW

Virtual love is a game that exists only on the Internet and in your mind.

You can turn it off at any time and erase the subscriber’s address, and at the same time not experience pain, jealousy, or remorse as in real life and in real communication with a living person. For some, this is an attempt to avoid loneliness, but for others, it’s just another form of entertainment. But it is unlikely that virtual love will be able to go beyond the computer and become real. If there are such cases, then there are only a few of them and it is not a fact that after “they lived happily ever after.”

Virtual love does not cause harm on the physical plane: you can’t get pregnant, you can’t get infected with anything, and you can’t give up your life because of unhappy virtual love.

Tips for guys

Banal messages like “Hello! How are you? What are you doing?" are a thing of the past. It's become a cliche. And in general: why should a girl answer a guy she doesn’t know well how she’s doing and what she’s doing?

A guy should interest a girl from the first proposal. So, some advice from psychologists:

Be playful, optimistic and humorous.
Don't bombard the girl with messages.
Show interest in her field of activity or hobby. She should feel that you are interested in her.
Be the initiator of communication.
Keep things interesting to talk about.
Communicate culturally and do not take long for her to see respect from you.

The main thing is respect. You can be culturally insolent. The key word is “cultural”.

Dangerous ties

But there is a buzz that is always needed, like a drug. Often addicted people with psychological difficulties enter into online relationships. They can be temporary, due to circumstances, or they can be deep, for example, such as intrapersonal conflicts. And the longer a person hangs in such a relationship, the more serious the reason that caused the need for them.

You should know why such dependence is dangerous:

A person who lives in fantasy is easy to take advantage of. Surely you have heard stories of people who were deceived for money under the guise of financial assistance by establishing relationships with them on the Internet.
Destroys the ability to build real alliances.
If there is cooling in the family, then virtual addiction can completely destroy family life.
Married men, emotional vampires, sexual philanderers, psychopathic individuals and even people with mental disorders are often drawn into such communication. Girls, be careful!
And the saddest thing is that while time passes online, real life also passes irrevocably, wonderful events, moments, and most importantly, people are missed!

There is an American program called catfish, where the whole truth about virtual relationships is revealed. This is a program where guys and girls, tired of virtual love, go to look for their pen pal, sometimes only to realize that it was all a complete lie. Often the “other half” turns out to be married or a short blond instead of a tall brunette. Such relationships, built on lies, end immediately at the first meeting.

Personal space is our everything 6

It’s hard to deny the fact that when communicating on the Internet, you don’t get tired of the constant presence of people nearby. After all, even in successful couples, partners need a little time to be alone with themselves.

Well, if the only option for your connection is the World Wide Web, then you can disconnect at any time and devote yourself to other things. This is very useful, because no matter how dear your newfound partner is, you will certainly at some point want to close the message window and just go for a walk or sit down with a book on the sofa.

The modern world presents people with many tempting opportunities that allow them to always be in touch and within reach. This has its advantages, because there is no longer any need to wait with bated breath for a meeting, to be afraid of being late and of your own shyness, when you can simply write a message on Vkontakte or WhatsApp.

But on the other hand, everyone in this two-way contact is deprived of real, live and close communication, which these days is valued more than any gadgets. And although full immersion technologies are currently being developed only for the gaming industry, this does not exclude the possibility in the future of not only reading each other on the Internet, but also seeing each other.

Whether you use trendy apps on your phone and computer as catalysts for serious relationships and feelings is up to you. Perhaps this decision will bring a lot of pleasant and exciting emotions, or maybe, on the contrary, it will only bring total disappointment.

The main question still remains: will virtual love be the same as it is in the present, or will the very concept of this feeling once and for all lose its charm and mystery, turning into just a set of numbers from a computer code and a bunch of animated emoticons?

Naked Truth 2

As banal as it may be, all feelings begin with ordinary lust. Even virtual ones. It is difficult to imagine how one could desire a set of letters on a screen, but this has become possible. Instant sending of photographs of any quality helps couples in love find out in absentia what their object of adoration is like. And if it seems to you that you are about to explode with desire for charm in the photo, do not rush to send candid pictures in response.

Even between very loving people there are quarrels, and in a fit of anger you can do a lot. And even more so if you have never met in person. In this case, the level of responsibility of one of the partners may be lower than yours, and indecent photographs will become public knowledge. And what's the result? No feelings, just tears, snot and depression for several days, if not weeks. First, try to meet your interlocutor in real life, get to know him better, and only then exchange spicy pictures.

How to avoid falling under the influence of scammers

Scammers take advantage of the gullibility of some users for selfish purposes. Men often look for dubious entertainment. Fleeting, fleeting romances come down to drinking alcohol together and physical intimacy. Resourceful representatives of the fairer sex cleverly provoke virtual interlocutors to top up the balance of a mobile phone or bank card, justifying the requests with temporary financial difficulties.

In order to avoid getting into an unpleasant situation, before a real meeting it is better to find out comprehensive information about the interlocutor, talk in person by phone or video call (Skype, WhatsApp). In this way, you can eliminate doubts about the appearance and personality of a new acquaintance. Psychologists do not advise unconditionally trusting strangers who ask for financial help. It is better to trust your intuition and common sense.

Virtual love is a form of relationship that can develop into a happy marriage or disappoint. Internet communication equalizes the chances of people with different types of appearance, social status and income level, but rarely develops into deep affection and long-term relationships.