Communication - identify misunderstandings
This is a reality that everyone can observe: the way communication actually occurs between two people unmistakably indicates the degree of intimacy in their couple. However, “the life of a couple can be paved with misunderstandings, difficulties and misunderstandings,” reminds Robert Neuburger.
Digital and analogue communication
Human communication is inherently complex, the psychoanalyst notes. The fact is that we use two methods that complement each other, but do not coincide: “digital communication” (words subject to interpretation) and “analog communication” (intonation, gestures, postures). In couples who get along well, speech and facial expressions are easy to decipher. But in those couples who do not get along, misunderstandings, misunderstandings and misinterpretations arise all the time.
Communication failures
Added to these difficulties is what psychologists call “communication deadlock” (everyone wants to express their point of view, but at the same time feels that they are not understood or not being listened to), or communication falsifications (secrecy, “white lies” or simply lying , hypocrisy, misinformation). To understand how you communicate with each other, ask yourself the following questions:
8. Are you satisfied with the way you communicate as a couple? 9. Do you have a feeling that you understand your partner, and does he understand you? 10. Do you think there are significant shadow areas in your communication—topics that are difficult or impossible to talk about? 11. Do you happen to intentionally hide certain actions and thoughts from your partner? 12. Has it ever happened that you deliberately lied to him? 13. Do you think your partner can hide something from you and even lie? 14. Has your couple already encountered the discovery of deliberate lies of one or another of the partners? 15. If yes, how did you deal with this situation?
Love in philosophy11
Psychoanalyst and follower of Freud's ideas, philosopher Erich Fromm, in his famous work entitled “The Art of Loving,” also asked questions about what love is, what its essence is and what the spiritual component of this feeling is. Like the ancient Greeks, he understood that love can be of a completely different nature depending on the type of relationship, personality traits and who we feel this love for.
In the typology of love according to Erich Fromm, 6 types of love are distinguished: erotic, maternal, paternal, brotherly, love for parents, love for God.
In relation to the relationship between a man and a woman, we can talk about the following types and manifestations of love:
PROXIMITY - Measure the distance between you
Intimacy is simultaneously a feeling (“they understand me, I can take off the mask, there is agreement between us, sometimes we understand each other without words”...), space (house, apartment, room) and time (which we as a couple devote to “ feel good together").
Feeling of closeness
To be intimate with your partner means to feel safe, to feel that he supports and accepts you as you are. What is the correct distance as a couple? “Be close enough that your partner can touch you, but far enough that he can surprise you,” says Patrick Estrad. To understand what the distance is in your couple, answer the following questions:
16. Do you feel like your partner is really listening to you? 17. Are you really listening to him? 18. How often do you share with each other what excites, makes you laugh, fascinates or worries you? 19. Do you feel like your partner accepts your little flaws and quirks with kindness/humor? Do you reciprocate this? 20. Are there thoughts, facts or actions that you do not tell anyone or tell someone other than your partner in order to save the relationship? 21. Does the familiarity (gestures, words, behavior) of your partner cause you affection or irritation and conflicts?
General area
The place where we live speaks volumes about us. Interior design can tell a lot about a couple's ability to create a harmonious shared space that takes into account the personal needs of everyone, including children. And how are you?
22. Is the place where you live arranged taking into account the needs and tastes of each partner? 23. Are there any rooms (pieces of furniture, things) in the common space that your partner has forced on you and that you can’t stand? 24. If you had to live alone, would the arrangement of your place to live be radically different or basically the same? 25. How is the interior similar to your couple?
Couple time
Intimacy takes time to develop and strengthen. But in reality, the time that should be devoted to a couple is often spent on family, work, friends and leisure. Those who want to make relationships more harmonious should consider it one of their priorities. Is this the case for you? Here are questions that will help you understand how your desires diverge from reality:
26. Do you often postpone plans together (going out together, traveling, time spent together at home) because of a request or demand from outside? 27. Do you feel like you don't have enough time dedicated to couples? 28. Do you and your partner give yourself time to be alone, alone? 29. If you had the opportunity to spend more time together, how would you spend it? 30. Are household chores distributed in such a way that it satisfies both of you?
SEX LIFE - Check how satisfied you are
When it comes to sex life, each couple writes their own score and moves at their own pace. The frequency or duration of intimate meetings is not important - only the satisfaction of each and the ability of the partners to talk about changes that one of them may desire. Sylvain Mimoun brings you these questions:
31. Is the frequency of intimate contacts right for you? 32. During sex, do you feel that you are not only desired, but also respected? 33. Do you sometimes (sometimes/often/all the time/never) feel bored? 34. Do you (sometimes/often/always/never) agree to sex just to please someone else? 35. Do you (often/sometimes/always/never) agree to certain practices just to please your partner or to give in to his pressure? 36. Would you like to make changes in a couple's sex life? If yes, which ones? 37. Do you feel closeness and understanding with your partner when you talk about your sex life? 38. What would you say about your sex life - is it generally satisfactory or does it have problems? 39. If everything continued as it is now, would you say: “everything is going well” or “something is missing”?
Signs that a guy truly loves you
Signs of sincere, unfeigned love are the following details:
- the guy does not hide you from his family and friends, he is happy to introduce you to the company, positioning you as his beloved girlfriend and faithful life partner;
- the chosen one is not looking for excuses for meetings, he is looking forward to a good reason to invite him on a date or come over for tea;
- a man does not set out to hide his past from you. On the contrary, he talks about his childhood, his parents, talks about how he would like to raise his children, what qualities he has to create an ideal family;
- The guy doesn’t hide his feelings, but he doesn’t show them off either. He treats his girlfriend’s life with care - he takes care of her during illness, supports her during times of crisis at work;
- in difficult moments, the partner does not disappear, but shows himself as a real gentleman, ready to defend the honor of his lady love;
- His partner’s mood is important to him. He will not insist on anything if he sees that the girl is depressed, disappointed or upset. Instead, the guy will listen and support her, help her, both in word and deed, to overcome any barriers and survive difficult emotional upheavals.
PLANS - Identify common desires
A couple is a living, developing organism in which partners try to combine personal self-realization and happiness together. Plans are an integral part of a couple’s life; they express its vital strength, as well as the degree of involvement of each person in their common life. One of the difficulties is combining general plans and personal ones. Reflect on this as you answer the questions:
40. Do you have at least one joint plan (vacation, leisure, work, family)? If not, why not? 41. Is this plan repeated regularly, is it like a habit? If so, do you enjoy it? 42. Do you find your partner invested enough in the future of the relationship? What about you? 43. Does only one person always propose important plans in the family? If yes, is it right for you? 44. Does your partner usually take your suggestions regarding joint plans well? 45. Does your partner support your personal plans?
Once you've explored your feelings, communication, intimacy, sex life, and plans, ask yourself additional questions:
46. Did you begin this study of a couple's life willingly, with a desire to better understand your couple and contribute to their happiness? 47. Were you surprised by any positive aspect of your relationship that you weren't aware of? 48. Were you surprised by any negative aspect? 49. Did your partner also answer all these questions? If not, why not? 50. What do you feel at this stage - enthusiasm or anxiety? What are they related to?
Beautiful questions to ask a girl about relationships
What question can you ask a friend to hint about your feelings? How to delicately move from the friend zone to the next level? Just find out from her how she feels about you and whether she is ready for a relationship, and the rest is a matter of technique! Just don’t do it too intrusively - just one wrong question to a girl can ruin everything! Use our cheat sheet - it will tell you how to direct the conversation in the right direction.
Comment: well, this is just a hint question, if she answers, you can invite her right away 
Comment: it is better to ask such a question only as a last resort, if it is not a problem for both of you.
Comment: Good to know.
Comment: this is a question for a girl you know very well, perhaps with whom you are already dating.
