How to forgive an offense and learn to let go of the past and your loved one

How to forgive an insult? And is it possible to forgive an insult? Many will answer these questions positively. However, in real life, people often face a problem - emotions arising from resentment do not allow them to think soberly and find constructive options for behavior. Therefore, in this article we want to talk in detail about how to cope with this feeling.

How to forgive, understand and let go of resentment?

How to forgive and let go of your departed husband
Is it possible to forgive a person?
How to forgive a deep offense to a person?
How to forgive a person and free yourself from resentment
How to forgive and let go of your loved one?
What does it mean to forgive a person?
How to forgive a person if you have a deep grudge against him?
How to learn to forgive people and let go of grievances
Steps to forgive a grudge against someone
How to get rid of feelings of resentment towards a person

It is believed that in psychology there are several steps to forgiveness, namely seven.
When thinking about so many steps, for some reason our brain immediately puts them all somewhere far in the background. The endless blaming of a relative (husband, wife), self-flagellation, blaming oneself and the endless replaying of a number of incidents that caused the offense in one’s head continues. Torment, blind rage and sadness, tossing and negative feelings - that’s essentially all we get from resentment. Moreover, the person we are offended by may not understand the reason at all! How to find the truth and decide to talk with your husband or wife about the offense?

What is resentment? This is the perception of a certain situation through the prism of yourself, and the impact of this situation on you and your life. The emotions obtained from this analysis lead to resentment. Perhaps there is also a feeling of injustice that very strongly clings to many people.

In fact, all people are different. Even twins have different views and behavior patterns! Not to mention the difference in behavior and thinking between men and women! First you need to understand and realize what the cause of the offense is. Next, forgive. After forgiveness, you will feel better, and you will be able to throw off the burden of resentment from yourself. Of course, this is not so simple, which is why people often come for consultations with a psychologist, entangled in a snowball of their grievances. It is a psychologist who can help understand them, because often there are several grievances, and a person can no longer even formulate them within himself! There is just some kind of sediment, and the reasons for it are not understood. Sound familiar?

As a psychologist, I recommend familiarizing yourself with a few steps to help yourself through and forgive the offense:

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*Names in stories below have been changed to protect client privacy.

In my marriage counseling work, I see many people who have been deeply hurt by those they love. Like Nikita*, who was bullied by those who were once his friends. Or Lyudmila*, whose stepfather physically abused her. And Angelina*, who was raped by her boyfriend at a party while her friends stood outside the room. These cases are heartbreaking. But the one thing that is most helpful to people is the one thing that seems most impossible: usually, the key is forgiveness.

In many religious traditions, forgiveness is considered important and necessary for well-being. Christians are commanded to forgive as Christ forgave them. Judaism requires forgiveness when a wrongdoer attempts to right a wrong. Islam recommends forgiveness between believers. In Buddhism, it is seen as a way to maintain peace and mental well-being. This kind of ubiquitous forgiveness has made its way from spirituality and religion into the scientific halls of psychology thanks to Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson's classification of virtues and strengths. Family psychologists who see many clients who have faced serious problems often talk about forgiveness as it touches the life of every person, regardless of religion or science. The mental and emotional relief a person experiences by naming the wound and letting it go can provide that person with the freedom needed to rebuild his or her life.

Although forgiveness can bring psychological relief for some over time, it is not practical to expect instant forgiveness.

The root of the problem is childhood grievances

Childhood grievances are considered the most severe. Few people are able to cope with them on their own. Of course, you can try this way, but it is better and faster in this situation to contact a specialist.

There is nothing terrible or reprehensible in this. This does not indicate the presence of mental illness, but only indicates that the person wants to live happily and be in harmony with himself.

Why is it important to forgive childhood grievances?

Without letting go of childhood grievances and forgiving those closest to you, you cannot continue to move towards a conscious, happy life. No matter how much you want to just forget and move on, it won’t work.

Everything that happened to us in childhood is the cause of our present. Therefore, it is first important to “forgive” the past and only then take on the future.

A person who does not know how to forgive will fail in life.

Adult children resent their parents. How to learn to forgive grievances:

The True Meaning of Forgiveness

Forgiveness does not forget what happened. It doesn't justify the abuse, and it doesn't mean you're no longer angry about what happened. Forgiveness is not a renunciation of efforts to achieve legal justice. Finally, it does not require that the offender admit that he was wrong, ask for forgiveness, or be willing to change. Yuri* won't have to befriend those who betrayed him again, and he won't have to put himself through more pain by trying to stand up to those who bullied him.

So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness occurs when you choose to let go of resentment or revenge, even if the actions of the person who wronged you do not deserve it. You decide to give him or her the gifts of mercy, generosity, and love. He doesn't deserve this. But you deserve freedom. You deserve the right to let go.

Forgiveness begins with acknowledging that someone did something wrong to you and that they truly deserve your anger. Beyond this, however, you should be able to still want good things for him or her. This involves what can be a long and complex process. Understanding what forgiveness means takes time, and it may take longer depending on the severity of the crime and the length of time you have lived with the harm.

Carefully! Trap

Just don't deceive yourself, please. Saying “I forgive” and even feeling relief is an artificial release. Because the accusation doesn't go anywhere.

It goes something like this: “You offended me, you scoundrel. But it doesn't hurt me anymore. I forgive you, so be it. Now get out of my head!”

Maybe he'll roll away and never dream about it again. The long-awaited lightness will arrive, you will want to breathe deeply, get a new haircut and bloom.

And then WHY! And a new candidate for offense appears. All over again... Where did he come from? I came to finish my studies with a poor student. After all, she forgot her pain last time, but did not understand why this misfortune happened in the first place.

Let's learn to forgive correctly. According to instructions from a world famous teacher. It will work 100%.

Why do we seek forgiveness?

Holding onto a grudge can have a toxic effect on your body. This can raise your blood pressure and increase your risk of stroke or heart attack. This can disrupt the immune system and increase levels of stress hormones. Julia found herself trapped in her experiences—bitter and resentful that her aggressor's life had to go on while she was still suffering. Lack of forgiveness often hurts victims while it makes no difference to those who offended. They do not care.

Everyone has experienced some injustice in their life. Some of us have experienced such terrible injustice that it may take decades before we are able to let go. And even after reaching this point, there will always be reminders.

Although forgiveness begins with an act of will—as in, “I choose to forgive this person”—thinking of it as an on/off switch for forgiveness does not help. There is a nuance here. True forgiveness is a journey.

More about hormones:

Why should we rejoice at grievances?

Resentment is your growth area. If you feel offended by someone's criticism, then most likely you really think about yourself that way. For example, you were told that you are fat and that it would not hurt you to lose weight. If you are offended by this, it means that you think so about yourself or doubt it deep down. And the offender simply let you see the place where you are unsure of yourself, where you need to grow up. And if you have a completely different opinion about yourself, are always confident in your beauty, or you simply don’t care what kind of figure you have, then you will react to such a statement with laughter. This way, the offender will not catch you on the hook, and his words will fly past you.

If you are offended by something, make a note of what exactly it was. This is your growth zone. The place where you need to learn to love yourself, grow, develop, improve yourself. So smile at your offender and sincerely thank him. Rejoice - he helped you see your growth zone and now you know where you need to change yourself for the better.

Thus, if a person offended you, then by doing so he showed you where you treat yourself poorly. Start to develop in the areas in which you tend to take offense. And over time, no one will be able to offend you.

How to really forgive? Basic stages of forgiveness

If forgiveness isn't as simple as saying, "I forgive you," how does that work? Fortunately, the psychological literature offers some answers here too. As it happens, there are phases of forgiveness that, if we are aware of them, can help us be more patient as we heal and as we deal with wounds that reopen.

In the first phase

Forgiveness, called the “Disclosure Phase,” requires those who seek to forgive to “discover how the offense compromised my life, confront and clarify the nature of the offense, and uncover the consequences that followed.” A willingness to look at what you have lost because of what another person did. Marina thought that she needed to let her stepfather back into her life in order to forgive him; because she couldn't do it, she thought she couldn't ask for forgiveness from her higher self. Understanding more about real forgiveness helped her move forward.

At the second stage

During the decision phase, you learn more about the nature of forgiveness and make a decision to forgive. At this stage you declare your will. Even if my feelings do not coincide with my desire to forgive, the action begins here with a choice.

At the third stage

, stage of work, you work to change your view of the offender - to see his or her side of the story, so to speak. Marina began to tell me about her stepfather's traumatic background and how his parents treated him. She understood that he could not control his anger, and she felt sorry for him. These steps may change your feelings toward the offender over time.

At the last stage

As you deepen, negative feelings decrease and you can find meaning in the suffering you have experienced. Stella, still broken, had an increasing desire to work with other women who had suffered in this way. Helping others becomes a way to find good out of terrible trauma. It connects her with others. Freud called this "sublimation." She is no longer burdened; she can transcend suffering.

Regardless of the approach to forgiveness, the facts remain that it is never easy, and true forgiveness is never quick. Trauma anniversaries and new similar experiences can become victims of revisiting past wounds. But thanks to family therapists, psychologists, the support of family and friends, we live in a world where we can grow and learn to forgive, let go and move forward on the path to freedom.

Resentment towards parents

There is an opinion that if you get rid of resentment towards your parents, then other negative aspects will also decrease, because this is the pattern from childhood that has the greatest impact on adult life. Without forgiving our parents for something, we continue to demand it from all of reality, our friends and partners, while it is impossible to satiate this hole. This is the kind of resentment that everyone has in their history, no matter how the rest of their lives turn out. Even childhood traumas remain bleeding, and an unbought duck can torment the soul for years, because this is not at all about a rubber product, but about a sense of self-worth or uselessness.

It is very difficult for a little man to resist adults, because... there is a biological prohibition on expressing dissatisfaction, because his life, hunger, comfort and development directly depend on the satisfaction of the parent. This is how resentment is formed when a child tries to adapt and does not express aggression, but tries to get his way differently, through pity or silence. If the methods of getting offended on every occasion work, then this behavior is reinforced and there is resentment against the universe as a way of manipulation. To prevent this from going further and destroying relationships with children, you need to learn to forgive your elders, this opens up the birth canals of energy and gives you the opportunity to receive support.

How to get rid of resentment towards parents? What stretches from childhood becomes easier to let go of in adulthood, when you have the opportunity to put yourself in the place of a parent. So many motives become clear, and we become grateful, seeing what gross mistakes and consequences this saved us from.

Think about your care for someone that causes rebellion in him and then it becomes easier to feel the hopelessness of the parental situation, when everything is done for development and is met only with negativity.

Find something to be grateful for - if you didn’t get help, then it taught you independence; if you didn’t indulge all your whims, then it taught you how to use little; if you didn’t spend a lot of time, then you developed the ability to entertain yourself. Any behavior gives us a chance to get something, the main thing is to find it and thank it.

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness means different things to different people. Typically, however, this involves deciding to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.

Actions that hurt or offend you may always be with you, but forgiveness can loosen your grip and help free you from control over the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the person who hurt you.

Forgiveness does not mean that you forget the harm done to you or make peace with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a certain peace to YOU that helps you move on with your life.

Forgiveness: letting go of resentment and bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge—or accept forgiveness and move forward.

Who hasn't been harmed by another person's actions or words? Perhaps a parent criticized you constantly while you were growing up, a coworker sabotaged a project, or your partner had an affair. Or maybe you've had a traumatic experience, such as physical or emotional abuse by someone close to you.

These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger and bitterness—even revenge.

But if you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one paying the most. By accepting forgiveness, you can also find peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can set you on a path to physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of resentment and bitterness can lead to improved health and mental balance. Forgiveness can lead to:

Healthy relationships
Improved mental health
Less stress, anxiety and hostility
Low blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
Strengthening the immune system
Improving Heart Health
Improved self-esteem

Why is it so difficult to let go of a grudge?

Being hurt by someone, especially someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness, and confusion. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, resentment filled with resentment, revenge, and hostility can take root. If you allow negative emotions to crowd out positive feelings, you may find yourself consumed by your own bitterness or feelings of injustice.

Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you hold a grudge, almost everyone can learn to be more forgiving.

What are the consequences of holding a grudge?

If you don't forgive, you can:

Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
Become so deceived that you cannot enjoy in the future
Become depressed or anxious
Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you are not living up to your spiritual beliefs
Lose valuable and enriching connections with others

How can I achieve a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to the individual process of change. To move from suffering to forgiveness, you can:

Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life
Determine what needs to be healed and who needs to be forgiven and why
Consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor
Acknowledge your emotions about the harm caused to you and how they affect your behavior, and try to get rid of them
Decide to forgive the person who hurt you
Step away from your role as a victim and release the control and power that the abuser and the situation have had in your life.

When you let go of grudges, you will no longer define your life by how you were hurt. You may even find compassion and understanding.

Rewrite memory.

We need to understand our past. Rarely does anyone have a cloudless childhood. Therefore, we need to remember our childhood fears. For example, fear of driving a car or fear of flying on an airplane.

I still remember how, as students, we flew to Moscow for practice on an IL-86 plane (if I’m not mistaken). So three people dragged me onto the plane, and my legs were paralyzed from fear. I also remember my fear in the water when my father taught me to swim. He just threw me into the water, and I couldn’t swim out. So I still don’t know how to swim and don’t go swimming in the river in the summer. Each of you has experienced such stressful situations.

A. Sviyash suggests recalling one of these situations, which should be stored in your karmic body. To do this, find a secluded corner, make yourself comfortable and remember a specific stressful situation in childhood.

Mentally rewind this picture to the beginning and come up with a happy ending. Thank fate for the good ending of the story and close this unpleasant page of your life. If you really want to, you will succeed.

Seven steps to stop being offended

What is your grievance?

First you need to figure out what the offense is, against whom, at what moment. If this is an insult to your husband, you need to understand exactly when it happened, what was done or said at that moment. What exactly struck you the most? Is there any feeling of injustice left after that conversation or situation? Obviously yes. Admit it.

Awareness of resentment and its causes

Your personal beliefs are to blame for the state you are in now. Perhaps the other person doesn’t even understand what the essence of your offense is? The fact is that for him this may be the absolute norm! If you eat a banana, and someone categorically does not eat it, does this mean that this person may be offended by you because you eat a banana in front of him? It's funny, and yes - it can!

You need to try to figure it out, and perhaps change your views on some events. What is objective for you may not be objective for another person, since all people, as we know, are different! And vice versa. The absolute norm for one is something absolutely unacceptable for another!

For some, cheating or polyamory is a problem. For some it means constant lies or understatement. Someone is too straightforward, and in response to your request to evaluate your new shoes, they will simply say that the shoes are just like shoes, and you are offended by this. Happens? Yes, not yet! Of course, everything here is again individual and depends on the level of upbringing.

Perhaps your beliefs are not far from ideal, perhaps they are truly true. The fact is that if you are smart enough to understand it, then it is far from a fact that the other person can understand it too! Think about it.

Third person view

In any conflict or offensive situation, psychologists recommend using an approach called “Third Person View.” The essence of the approach is that you put yourself in the place of another person and look at the situation from his side. Only by looking, virtually, through his eyes at the situation, perhaps you will see that it really looks different?

After this, perhaps you will understand that there is a difference between your perception and the perception of another person, sometimes huge, and sometimes just the opposite!

Could it be that something you are offended by looks different from the outside?

Can you reconsider your grievance using third person perspective?

Forgive... yourself!

You can solve any situation by starting with yourself. The same resentment is torment. And you yourself! Some part of your consciousness (or subconsciously) may be suffering, it is important to forgive yourself and love yourself. This means accepting yourself as you are.

Why should I be offended?

For any action (any action at all!), I, as a psychologist, recommend always asking the same question: “Why?”

Now you are offended, why do you need this specifically? What do you want to achieve and what is your ultimate goal? For a person to apologize? Perhaps if he realizes that he was wrong! To feel sorry for yourself? They regretted it, for example. What changed? If nothing else, then stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thinking! Why do something that doesn't produce results?

Think about whether you are ready to continue to be offended by a person (boyfriend, girl or dog). By the way, you were often offended by pets, remember if this happened?) After all, an animal does not do it out of malice, not with the intention of offending, so most often we are not offended by animals. Because there's no point.

If you don’t have any unpleasant feelings (no longer), think about whether you are ready for forgiveness and conversation. If the thought that having spoken will make you feel better and calm will come, you are ready for the next step!

Intimate talk

If the person is within your access zone (i.e. you can and, in principle, want to talk to him). Explain what you are worried about because of such and such a situation, explain your emotions, feelings, mental pain and confusion. Ask to explain the situation from the person’s point of view, ask if he is ready to talk about this topic.

You cannot directly insist on an apology from your interlocutor. If a person wants to do this, he will do it himself, realizing that he has offended you. Especially if he didn’t want to offend in the first place, or you thought of something for yourself.

If a person does not understand, is not ready to apologize, or did it out of spite, forgive him. Forgive yourself and let go of the situation. And it will be a lesson to you that perhaps you need to reconsider the rules of your communication with this person, or perhaps stop completely.

Awareness and forgiveness of offense

The most important thing is to understand and comprehend all the previous stages. You can free yourself from resentment by leaving behind and forgiving all the negativity, all the bad things that caused this emotion that tormented you.

The psychologist’s advice is that in the present, which every second becomes the future, there is no place for past grievances and filling your head with unnecessary information. We lived, forgave, and put it out of our heads.

I'm sorry or I'm forgiving?

Moral and psychological suffering from insults can last for years until a person fully understands himself. Enormous work, and often the help of a psychologist, is required in order to finally get rid of tormenting psychological pain. In life you have a lot of interesting, important and useful things that are worth focusing on. Living with past grievances, you take away your time from something new and interesting. Something that can make your life better, raise its quality to a new level! Work on it, free yourself and breathe deeply! Take action! Right now!

What happens if I can't forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be problematic, especially if the victim does not admit their mistake. If you get stuck:

Practice empathy. Try to see the situation from the other person's point of view
Ask yourself why he or she behaves this way. Perhaps you would react the same way if you were faced with the same situation
Think about how you have hurt others and those who have forgiven you.
Write in a journal, pray or use meditation, or talk to someone you consider wise and compassionate, such as your therapist or an impartial loved one or friend
Remember that forgiveness is a process, and even small wounds may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

If the traumatic event involved someone whose relationship you value differently, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. However, this is not always the case.

Reconciliation may not be possible if the abuser is dead or unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, a meeting may not be appropriate. However, forgiveness is possible—even if there is no reconciliation.

What if the person I forgive doesn't change?

Forcing another person to change their actions, behavior or words is not the point of forgiveness. Think about forgiveness more in terms of how it can change your life—bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power that another person continues to have in your life.

What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly evaluate and admit the mistakes you have made and how they affected others. Avoid harsh judgments about yourself.

If you truly regret something you said or did, consider admitting it to those you harmed. Talk about your sincere grief or regret and ask for forgiveness without making excuses.

Remember, however, that you cannot force someone to forgive you. Others must move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever happens, try to treat others with compassion, empathy and respect.

Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health

We have all heard the admonition “you need to forgive and forget.” Many of us heard this as a child from our parents when we were hurt by a brother or friend. We were told to turn the other cheek and give our buddies another chance.

Some of us have learned that the golden rule behind this is to do to others what we would like them to do. Since parents can quickly point this out, we were certainly guilty of our own misdeeds and needed forgiveness.

Our parents were not mistaken. Knowing how to forgive someone is a vital skill. This serves us well in our personal lives and in our professional relationships. It preserves friendships and restores our faith in our children. And we definitely benefit from it when the people in our lives can forgive us when we inevitably screw up.

Forgive and forget is good in theory, but in reality it is difficult. Below are four reasons why it is important to forgive but not forget.

Forgiveness is critical
to our emotional health. By refusing to forgive someone, we choose to hold on to all the anger and bitterness caused by their actions. When we choose to hold on to this anger and let it consume us, it can make us irritable, impatient, distracted, and even physically ill. Forgiveness is all about us, not about the other person. We don't forgive other people because they deserve it. If this were a litmus test for when to forgive, it would happen very rarely. Instead, we choose to forgive those who have hurt us because we cannot fully let go of the destructive emotions within us until we do so. Forgiveness is not a matter of justice; it's a heart problem.
We can learn
from past experiences. We need to take what we can learn, remember the lesson and move on. This may mean moving on or without the person who hurt us. Even in the midst of a situation, we can learn something about ourselves—about what pushes our buttons, where we may have sensitivities, and how we cope when someone cares about us. With this new knowledge, we are better prepared for future relationships and the inevitable conflicts that will come with them.
Forgiveness can strengthen
our
relationships
. All relationships can be restored, and even deepened and flourished, despite what happened in the past, but because of it. The act of forgiveness strengthens people's commitment to healthy relationships. And they become more committed to preventing contentious and harmful conflicts from arising in the future.

We protect ourselves from becoming a victim of the same crime again. Don't dwell on what happened and rehash it regularly. Instead, we need to remember what happened to us to prevent it from happening again. Just because we have forgiven someone does not mean that we decide to keep them in our lives. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is forgive them and then move on without them. It is important that we do not allow ourselves to be subjected to the same abuse over and over again. Therefore, it is absolutely essential that we learn from what happened so we are committed to a better outcome in the future.

There is great value in learning to forgive but not forget. Self-care requires regularly forgiving others. Remember, we are doing this for us, not for them. And we don't obsess, but we also don't forget, so that we can take valuable life lessons with us.

Get to the bottom of things

First and most importantly, you should distinguish between the concepts “you were offended” or “you were offended.” If you were insulted or called some bad word, this certainly applies to the situation when you were offended. If someone told a joke about a husband who arrived from a business trip a day early, or congratulated those present on April 1 - April Fool's Day, and you took the joke or congratulation personally, this means that you were offended.

In the first case, there is no need to forgive anything, but you need to demand an explanation, an apology and a cessation of such behavior from the offender. If your offender does not understand in a good way or you have become a victim of bullying, when it is impossible to cope with the problem alone, you need to act decisively, even going to law enforcement agencies and the court. Such possibilities are provided for by the legislation of the Russian Federation. In particular, liability has been established for libel (128.1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation), blackmail and extortion (163 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation), insult (5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses).

It should be remembered that most offenders are quite cowardly and offend other people only if they are confident in their own impunity. Often it is enough to simply promise to collect evidence of the insult and file a lawsuit in order to cool the ardor of this cowardly and ill-mannered individual. By the way, if after this the aggressor calls you a sneak, you can answer that the countdown has begun, and this particular phrase falls under the article for libel, because defending your rights and dignity is not sneaking.

If you are offended by a joke about your husband arriving from a business trip a day early, or a greeting on April Fool's Day, you should think about why. Perhaps something has been going wrong in your family for a long time, or you have low self-esteem, or you have often been told that you are not very smart, and there are thirteen out of a dozen people like you, which is why you Now you perceive April Fool's Day as your professional holiday. And, naturally, they are not happy when you are reminded of this.

In this case, forgive yourself for being offended and focus on solving your problems on the merits: building healthy family relationships, improving your self-esteem, or working on the foundations for improving your self-esteem. For example, if you feel that you are objectively behind the trends in your profession or the pace of your current life, perhaps you should read more, be more interested in the world around you, and try to learn something new. Then you simply have less time to be offended by something.

And, yes, the person who told you a joke or congratulated you on April 1 is not to blame for your problems and the fact that you were offended. Essentially, if a person is not guilty, then there is nothing to forgive him for. Therefore, you can show nobility and forgive even for what did not happen.

Consultation with a psychologist

Of course, reading steps to forgiving an offense in an article on psychology is very good. Nevertheless, it often happens that it is quite problematic to independently get rid of negative thoughts that do not want to leave your head. Then a psychologist will come to the rescue - your friend, who will help you sort everything out, understand that third-person view, understand and let go of the situation forever. You may need hypnosis to remove negative thoughts from your subconscious, or to remove the root of the problem that caused the resentment. After all, it often turns out that resentment is only a consequence, and its cause is much deeper than the person himself could even think. During a psychotherapy session, we will analyze the reasons in detail, find and eliminate them together.

A consultation with a psychologist will help you find long-awaited freedom from grievances, their acceptance and forgiveness.

Contact and make an appointment Read about counseling and qualifications

Abstract yourself from the situation

How to abstract yourself from a situation that causes resentment? There are several effective techniques available even to those who have never been interested in meditative practices.

How to abstract yourself from the situation:

Take revenge on the offender mentally. Close your eyes, turn on your imagination and imagine the picture of the punishment in detail. Scientists have long come to the conclusion that our brain is indifferent to the format of visualization and if we have presented something, the brain can count this event as accomplished and stop being offended.
Make a list of your grievances and complaints against the offender, and then burn it with the words “I forgive you.” Don’t ask “what to do with the list”? It is the list that needs to be burned, not the offender.
Turn off the sound, at least after the fact. The next time you replay an unpleasant and offensive situation in your brain, imagine that it is happening on the TV screen and turn off the sound. Enjoy the picture of how the aggressor helplessly waves his paws and silently opens his mouth, twisted with anger.

Now let’s summarize all the tips and recommendations on how to leave the past in the past, how to forgive an offense and whether this should always be done.

How to forgive an offense:

Develop a sense of humor and not be offended by jokes, humor, statements and anecdotes if they are not addressed to you personally.
Learn to understand people and understand the motives that make them offend others, including you. This will make it easier to develop combat tactics.
Eliminate toxic people from your social circle, with whom you have nothing in common and on whom you do not depend in any way. No person - no problem.
Formally agree with the person on whom you depend that he is right about something. This will trick your brain because you can't be offended by something you even partially agree with.
Instead of being offended by a loved one the next time, ask them directly about the reasons for the attacks or ask them to refrain from making inappropriate jokes or comments. Often this solves the problem completely.
Distance yourself and abstract yourself from the situation - take revenge mentally, burn the list of grievances, turn off the sound of the grievance.
Insults inflicted in the format of direct insults should not be forgiven, but rather demand an apology. In difficult cases, contact law enforcement agencies and the court.

To make it easier for you to cope with grievances, or better yet to stop being offended altogether, we recommend taking our “Mental Self-Regulation” program, which will help you learn to keep yourself under control in any situation.

We wish you exclusively positive communication and positive emotions from this life!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
Victim Syndrome
How to deal with unconstructive criticism
Top 7 ways to leave the past in the past
Hurtful words and insults: how to react and defend yourself
Formation of correct self-esteem
Overcoming the fear of confrontation
10 life lessons from The Lion King
Forms of verbal violence
How to fix your mistake
Small acts of a worthy person

Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation