What to do if I'm a fool - this worries many girls. Lenochka is not some kind of secretary, but an assistant manager, smart, educated and self-respecting. At work, Lenochka is appreciated for her professionalism and patience.
And everything is going well, but suddenly she makes a mistake, redoing the additional agreement, and now she is called “on the carpet” and stands in front of the boss, clutching the ill-fated sheets of paper in his hand, and hears something completely unflattering about herself: “Lena, are you a fool or what?” And Lenochka, overwhelmed with emotions, responds: “Apparently, she’s a fool!”
Issues discussed in the material
Why is it so stupid?
Why is Alexander Petrovich categorical? What else can he do?
Girls are so beautiful, so bright and such strange creatures. Either you don’t want to be one, or sometimes you actually want to somehow become a complete fool in the eyes of a man.
Men are elementary in this regard: I see a goal, I go towards the goal.
For girls, everything is much more complicated: I see a goal, learn more about the goal, consider options for the approach, learn the nuances of each approach, slowly, asking many questions along the way, I move towards the goal.
Men care about the starting point and the end point, women care about the whole journey.
In some areas of activity, a male vision of the world is in demand, in others, a female one. In the example with Lenochka, a man’s vision was required; she did not need to know the history of the company to draw up an agreement, but the girl simply could not go against her nature.
And these situations happen to women all the time - they seem to be trying their best, but it turns out.
But it turns out that my husband is a brute and calls me a fool.
Remember, it all started in childhood, when you ran to your mother with the words “Mom, that boy called me a fool” and cried.
Where is the way out of the labyrinth of failures?
Childhood cannot be fixed. But you can understand the cause-and-effect relationship between childhood trauma and today’s failures. System-vector psychology allows you to create an ideal logical chain. You will see why failures occur, what exactly your desires again and again force you to do “stupid things” and make the wrong choice.
To begin with, when you ask yourself the question “why am I such a fool?”, observe the sensations. Do you feel like the tension has gone away? It seems that the events should not make you happy... but somehow you let go, there is amazing peace in your soul. This means it’s time to deal with your “unsuccessful” desires. At the free online training by Yuri Burlan “System-vector psychology,” an entire lesson is devoted to this.
What can you do on your own now? Monitor situations when you start to fuss, worry, or get irritated. It is in this tension that most of the “I don’t know what came over me” mistakes are made. Just trying to “not worry” is futile. You need to focus on the reasons and understand your unmet needs at this moment. If you have a skin vector, building a logical chain from an annoying situation to the desired outcome will not be difficult.
Some people partially cope with failure by replaying this scenario in sexual relationships. I don’t think it’s worth saying that it’s much better when everything happens by mutual agreement. It happens that a woman, without wanting to, deliberately finds a partner who constantly reminds her that she is such a big fool and in general all women are fools.
Another point that can darken the lives of skin vector owners is the desire to win in small things. Here we have an almost one hundred percent guarantee of losing big. It works simply. Law and restrictions are an understandable language for the skin vector. Our thoughts develop in a certain way depending on the framework in which we feel ourselves.
If we are constantly trying to gain five cents, the scale of thinking will not allow us to “earn a million.” Or the simplest example: I saved on travel once, twice - and once I paid a fine that was several times larger than all the unpaid tickets. Or he could focus on achieving business success.
Not a total fool, but a multi-faceted one
Residents of a big city, and even more so Internet users, are polymorphic - on average they have three or four vectors out of eight possible. This diversity within one psyche allows us to better adapt to modern realities. But, on the one hand, it requires a more careful approach to the implementation of such multifaceted potential in order to make maximum use of the properties of all vectors. And on the other hand, this is why it is often difficult to immediately identify the causes of problems.
You are a multifaceted personality. You have a good education, a normal job with a good income, and a more or less settled life. Perhaps there is a family. But there is not enough joy, you can barely control the stress. What is the reason? Contradictions of internal desires can lead to a dead end, as well as a lack of understanding of what to do with this explosive mixture.
For example, you have visual and sound vectors. One strives for communication, splashes with emotions, gushes with ideas, seeks a change of impressions, while the other longs to be alone and is burdened by all this external fuss. Today you make plans, and tomorrow you cancel them and you cannot understand what came over you, “what a fool came up with all this.”
What if you have anal and skin vectors? In a situation of super stress, one slows down and tries to finish it perfectly. The second one is in a hurry, fussing, grabbing at one thing or another. What if there is also a visual vector that panics from the inability to quickly solve the problem? My hands are already shaking, tears are about to flow, and, as luck would have it, I have an urge to go to the toilet. Why am I always such a fool? Surely you are familiar with similar situations. At least they observed it in their surroundings. “I’m calm, I’m completely calm” won’t help here. A relaxing massage, a trip to nature - for a couple of days you will become a normal person. Maybe even for a week. And then - new tasks that require immediate solutions. A boss with stupid demands. A rude saleswoman in a store... Moreover, my beloved is always stupid.
The set of “troubles” is individual, but the result is surprisingly standard. I want happiness! It's a normal desire! Only for some reason everything turns out stupid again. Why am I such an impossible fool?
What other reasons could there be for actions that are not very reasonable?
The owner of the oral vector literally thinks by speaking. If this is a brilliant speaker, for the listeners any of his statements are perceived as truth. And if oratorical qualities are not in demand or there is not enough education to handle a large amount of serious information, the oral person remains a jester and joker. This can be blurted out without thinking!
The owner of the sound vector is the smartest. At least I'm sure of it myself. He cares little about all this worldly vanity, which has no meaning. Of course, a lot also depends on the implementation of properties and their development. Often out of this world, absent-minded. It is because of absent-mindedness that many problems occur.
But I know a lot, what else can I do?
The trick is not to know more, but to know what you need.
Learn to think logically.
The notorious female logic will not help here - you need to find out only what is required now.
What should I do to avoid looking like a fool or how to quickly become wiser?
Don't behave like Helen. Do not be nervous.
Do you need a specific plan to get smarter or smarter? Let's try to compose it.
- Let's say it again: don't freak out. Emotions are a female character trait, not the worst in some situations, but in everyday communication you need to forget about emotions. No hysterics. Ultimately, this is indecent. Be extremely polite and dispassionate.
- Get your act together. Do you see the goal? Go to her. You are not asked to save the world on the way to the cafe. Learn to ask only those questions that you definitely cannot do without when solving this specific problem, and move the rest to the side for now.
- You need to be able to listen to people, and not think for them. Listen to the end before you start doing anything, otherwise your work may be done in vain.
- Stop complaining. Even mom. Instead of hysterical sobs into the phone, which, by the way, your colleagues can hear, it will be more useful to take a couple of deep breaths and figure out the problem yourself.
Inattention in conversation
Thus, a person who does not know how to listen and hear his interlocutor may be considered stupid. In a conversation, such an individual concentrates exclusively on his own feelings and thoughts and pays almost no attention to the state of the other person. As a result, he seems as stubborn as a ram, and in many cases this leads to the conclusion that he is immeasurably stupid.
The problem here may lie in banal undeveloped empathy - the ability to feel another, in the inability to conduct a meaningful conversation. It's not that hard to learn actually.
Am I really a fool?
It's not easy to find a solution here.
You can search for tests on the Internet, you can arrange a kind of social survey among friends and acquaintances, you can go to the city center with a sign “Am I stupid.”
The answer to the question will never be unambiguous; it will depend on both your self-esteem and the assessment of others, and these are far from the most reliable criteria.
If no one considers you a fool, or, as it seems to you, simply won’t admit it, and you still don’t have the most flattering opinion of your mental abilities, try to raise your self-esteem.
Take your time - you'll have more time
It would seem that a person with a skin vector is created for success. He strives for success and desires it. The psyche is flexible, like the body, and easily adapts to any conditions. “Even if not the best, but the first” is his rule. Who can multitask? Only a skin person!
But stress and lack of realization or development of properties takes its toll. Instead of fast, dexterous, precise movements - fussiness. And in my thoughts too. Everything falls out of your hands, you knock things over as you go. Skin itching or rash may occur. And now one mistake after another at work, an important client left. My beloved husband is in a pre-infarction state from constant twitching. I also broke his favorite cup. Why does it always turn out that I’m such a fool, crooked?
Colleagues and acquaintances, especially those with an anal vector, say: “Don’t fuss! Why are you running back and forth like a fool?” And I’m not happy myself, but I can’t do it any other way—you grab onto one thing, then another. You don't have time to do anything.
With vanity everything is simple. When the reason for fussiness is the underdevelopment of properties, you are unlikely to go looking for information on the Internet. More like “digging through pockets for change.” So we are left with stress. And stress resistance can be increased, and significantly. And the simplest solution is Yuri Burlan’s free online training “System-vector psychology.”
What additional things can be done to strengthen stress resistance? Find out what is missing for full implementation. Boring job? Low salary? No career prospects? Find a new job where you can express yourself, where you don’t have to sit in one place all day.
Stop momentarily controlling and tugging at family members - go in for sports, put yourself within strict training limits. This is the most primitive option for implementing the properties of a skin vector, but it is the most easily accessible and effective - better than nothing. At first it will seem that there is more fuss and hassle. And then you will notice that you accomplish several times more and without any stress. And there will be time left to study system-vector psychology for a truly effective solution to the problem.
Why is this question so “loved” by women and girls of different ages?
Important: read the list and see if any of these women’s adventures are YOURS? And that means... that's what it means!
Why do they so often call (and consider) themselves that way?
Now we will find out about this too...
Because they:
- They're doing something wrong
But they are not looking for other solutions. It’s easier to say “I’m a fool!”
- They suddenly find themselves abandoned
It seems that the whole reason for the tragedy is that the other one turned out to be much smarter.
- They break the heel
They get very hysterical about this. And when they calm down, they come to the conclusion that only fools behave this way.
They hold the opinion that: “I am very beautiful. This means that I am a fool, because there are no people who are both smart and beautiful.”
- They trust the guys, but they use them and abandon them!
They believe in the romance of love, but the guy they like is used and abandoned, without explaining anything and disappearing.
- They buy a lot of tickets (lottery tickets)
But none of them turn out to be winning.
- They give themselves their word of honor that they will stick to the diet until the end!
But as soon as the opportunity to have a tasty meal arises, they immediately forget about the promise they made to themselves.
- Can't pass your license the first time
Because of this, they feel humiliated and incapable of anything.
- They turn out to be completely unnecessary...
They don't get hired for very important jobs because they don't pass the interview.
- They are late to places where it was strictly forbidden to be late!
But they can’t change anything.
- They always lose something and can’t find it
Their most common losses are keys, money, business cards, mobile phones, earrings, and bracelets. And also - they lose their heads from love.
- They talk too much about themselves...
And this “multiplicity”, as a result, turns out to be unnecessary and cruel.
Diffidence
This is a direct development of the path when a person constantly compares himself with others. As a result, he develops a lack of confidence in his own abilities, and he can no longer do anything constructive, since self-esteem is greatly reduced and there is not enough energy for research and creation. There is a fear of difficulties, of failure, and it is a big obstacle to the pursuit of a goal. Even the goal itself disappears. If you do not catch negative thoughts towards yourself in time, the situation can go too far. And it would seem that not too harmful thoughts about other people’s achievements will sooner or later lead to depression.
