In business, conflicts are not like scenes from movies. No one screams with a red face (okay, it happens). Glasses of water and office supplies don’t fly through the meeting room (ok, that happens). But the intensity of passions is no less. Project managers need to be prepared to withstand confrontation. Let's talk about conflicts, how to behave in them and where they can lead.
Personally, I think conflicts are evil. Let the business communications gurus say that this is the same tool as negotiations. No, conflicts take up time, can irrevocably damage relationships and cause stress. And I will try to find a peaceful solution until the last moment. But if a diamond is cut by a diamond, then something needs to be done about it.
What do we mean by kindness?
Kindness is not only the ability and desire to support someone in a difficult situation, but also a positive attitude that a person subconsciously strives for under any circumstances.
This does not mean that a kind person walks around around the clock with a smile on his lips.
Some good-natured people may have a far from friendly facial expression, but they have, as they say, a big heart and are able to bestow warmth on those in need of support.
In other words, we can say about kindness that these are various manifestations of the characteristics of human character, possessing truly moral qualities and capable of empathy for others.
Kindness can manifest itself in the form of:
- Actions . And not necessarily heroic. A heavy bag carried home to an elderly person, carrying a frog from the avenue to the nearest body of water, calling an ambulance for a person and waiting for its arrival when you yourself need to urgently run for urgent matters - this is also kindness.
- Participation and attention to the interlocutor . Sometimes even without verbal support of the dialogue. After all, many people have no one to talk to about personal matters without a subsequent series of complaints. That is why there is a syndrome of confession to a fellow traveler, when a person speaks out about a painful problem to a neighbor in a compartment or seat in a vehicle.
- A warm word to another at a difficult or turning point.
- The desire to restrain negative emotions under any circumstances and in front of any people, and especially in front of those who are younger in age, professionalism, social or material status.
- The reasonable transfer of some value to someone who has less of it for any reason.
For example, part of a bun thrown to a stray dog is much more valuable to the latter than a hundred dollar bill left next to him. - Patient moral and sometimes physical support for someone on the path to mastery.
- Helping someone who previously caused hostility, but is currently in a difficult situation, needs help and sometimes doesn’t even ask for it because he feels guilty.
- Decorating the surrounding world with your own resources , supporting what is created using your own resources.
Europeans perceive the kindness of Russians as weakness
The other day I saw on Twitter a link to an article by the respected Crimson with the note “A must read!” Well, let's read it for those who haven't read it yet.
First, an old article from 2022...
Many years ago, a French financier explained to me why Russians in Europe “were not respected and will never be respected.” I quote: “You could have burned Paris, but you didn’t. Newbies!
“He knows better,” I thought, not yet familiar enough with Western logic to understand that he was right.
Then I once had a discussion with a German who was very excited about the fact that “Red Army soldiers raped Berlin,” and emotionally recounted something to me from The Guardian. When asked if he felt the same way about the Americans who burned one hundred thousand civilians alive in Dresden, he told me that “it’s different. We Germans needed this to understand that we were wrong.” I was already well acquainted with Western logic then, and I was no longer surprised.
Would you like me to tell you how to identify with 100% probability a country that will betray Russia and set it up in the dirtiest way?
A fail-safe method: find a country for whose help Russia shed blood and spent money free of charge. So she will betray, declaring Russia an ungrateful bastard.
Bulgaria has betrayed and will betray again, the Warsaw Pact countries have betrayed and will betray again, Armenia has betrayed and will betray again. There are no exceptions and never will be. As law number 285 of the Ferengi Rules of Life rightly emphasizes: No good deed goes unpunished.”
Building a truly profitable empire for its creators (not a “great and beautiful” one, but a profitable one, like the British one at its zenith) lies in following the principle set out in the great American film Goodfellas from 1990.
This principle is “Fuck you!” Pay me! My literary translation is “Go f*ck yourself, drive away the money,” although the phrase has already become a business meme in so many languages that it is usually used in the original: Fak yu, pay mi.
The global empire differs from the mafia in that it accepts as “dough” not only money, but also shares of strategic enterprises, long-term government contracts, recognition of the Russian language as the state language, and Crimea as Russian. And “assurances of eternal friendship and brotherhood” - as payback for Russia’s willingness to use violence to protect the carcass of a specific client - NO, INSUFFICIENT.
Optimal communication with the conditional pro-European leadership in Yerevan should follow the following scheme:
Armenia: “We have a revolution of dignity! We have a new European Prime Minister!” Russian Foreign Ministry (shrugs): Fak yu, pei mi Armenia: “Oh, supporting Russia is not fashionable now, our youth here demand the European Union and lace panties!” Russian Foreign Ministry (phlegmatic): Fak yu, pei mi Armenia: “You will lose Armenia forever!!” Russian Foreign Ministry (pedantically): Fak yu, pay mi Armenia: What will happen if you don’t pay? Russian Foreign Ministry (affectionately): Nothing will happen. To begin with, there will be no Karabakh, and then - how it goes.
That is why the slogan “Fak yu, pay mi!” should be applied directly to the coat of arms of the Russian Foreign Ministry. Our partners have very progressive elites, they don’t speak Russian very well, they all “speak good English fluently.” Well, let them read it.
To those who say “AAA! Russia is not like that, we are good!”, I would suggest:
a) do not try to do charity work at public expense
b) think about why the Russian and Soviet empires managed to be the only ones on the globe that collectively robbed their citizens in order to “look good” in the eyes of some Polish and Central Asian limitrophes or European competitors. Aren’t you tired of being the main fool in the village and a “naive vanka” who is easy to take weakly and say “you’re my friend”, and then openly put him down for the fact that the “vanka” is an occupier who does not have lace panties?
And now, as it were, a new continuation of the old article.
Notes on the margins of the main Russian complex: in Russia there are too many people who want to be good. And, unfortunately, there are a lot of those who want to be good in the eyes of that very civilization, which cannot, in principle, be convinced that citizens of the Russian Federation are (a) people and (b) holders of rights and interests worthy of respect. We are talking about the British, continental European and American elites, and about their population, of course.
This shameful complex, a kind of stupid second-rateness and the desire to prove that “we are good,” turned even the best historical victories of our country into the most severe disgrace (with grave consequences). Our society (and our state propaganda) is in awe of episodes like these:
“Emperor Alexander I showed generosity and took Paris under his personal protection. He fed all the destitute, released French prisoners, and took care of the wounded. He forbade his soldiers and officers from looting. Although he generously thanked them, writing out a triple salary.
“Russian soldiers spent a lot of money - they lost it at cards, borrowed it only on a note from a senior officer, who certified that he was a man of honor. Many could not repay the debt, and Count Vorontsov, from his own pocket, as the richest man in Russia, paid all the debts of Russian officers, and did not offend France,” says Natalia Narochnitskaya, chairman of the Paris branch of the Institute of Democracy and Cooperation. “Completely friendly relations were soon established between the victors and the vanquished,” she adds.”
Disgraceful. Europeans perceive this behavior as weakness. How stupid. Like second-rate. As an indicator that you can safely try again to skin a Russian bear, rip out its fangs or put it on a chain.
Perhaps Paris burned to the ground in the 19th century, or Bremen or Hamburg burned to the ground in the 20th century, would have been an important inoculation for our Anglo-Saxon and continental European partners.
Both at the individual level and at the country level, if someone else's opinion (for example, some London gentleman or Parisian aristocrat) about whether you are a good person or whether the country is good (kind, moral, etc.) in general - has at least some meaning, then this means that both the person and the country are subordinate to those to whom they have given the right to judge themselves from the point of view of morality or status. This is a disgusting situation, and it is good that Russia is gradually recovering. Slowly, but he is recovering.
The most important element of real freedom is internal freedom from other people’s opinions, and an iron willingness to have a reputation as a complete bastard (I emphasize: not to be a bastard, but to have a reputation) if our ideals or interests require it. Only such freedom can make it possible to “kill Bambi”, which is used as a cover for some kind of evil - and with this there are clear difficulties in our society. The same difficulties, somewhere at the junction between “we cannot kill Bambi” (provoke an economic catastrophe, for example, in Ukraine, which deserves it 200%) and “what will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?” (the princess now works either as the editor-in-chief of CNN, or as a specialist on LGBT rights at the UN, or as an employee of the State Department) - they periodically manifest themselves in our foreign policy.
But there is also good news. Our dear opponents, apparently, have ceased to distinguish (in all seriousness!) between their own propaganda and the rather herbivorous Russian foreign policy reality, and therefore part of their society (along with part of the elites) really think that “Putin’s mercenaries” are slaughtering Africans, and the Kremlin wants to starve Europe ban on the export of fertilizers and is ready to start a nuclear war. This is wonderful. Maybe they themselves will finally give us a reputation as monsters, with whom they will not be able to negotiate awkwardly and whom they will finally be able to respect.
The first article is here in full - https://t.me/crimsondigest/1210 The second is here - https://t.me/crimsondigest/1413
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Yesterday I reprinted a must-read article by Crimson, widely known in narrow circles, which, in particular, contained these words.
Many years ago, a French financier explained to me why Russians in Europe “were not respected and will never be respected.” I quote: “You could have burned Paris, but you didn’t. Newbies! Disgraceful. Europeans perceive this behavior as weakness. How stupid. Like second-rate. As an indicator that you can safely try again to skin a Russian bear, rip out its fangs or put it on a chain.
And further.
There are too many people in Russia who want to be good.
And, unfortunately, there are a lot of those who want to be good in the eyes of that very civilization, which cannot, in principle, be convinced that citizens of the Russian Federation are (a) people and (b) holders of rights and interests worthy of respect. We are talking about the British, continental European and American elites, and about their population, of course. This shameful complex, a kind of stupid second-rateness and the desire to prove that “we are good,” turned even the best historical victories of our country into the most severe disgrace (with grave consequences).
So this article received a wonderful comment. The author's spelling and punctuation are largely preserved.
Many years ago, a French financier explained to me why Russians in Europe “were not respected and will never be respected.” I quote: “You could have burned Paris, but you didn’t. Newbies!
The Russians enter Paris, which they did not burn.
That's for sure.
Thanks to his brutal and sadistic nature, Europeans perceive the kindness and generosity of Russians as weakness.
Until the Russian smashes his face to pieces twice (from the first - it never gets to them) - it doesn’t get to them.
Do you think why the myth of “millions of raped German women” spread so easily and was unconditionally accepted in Europe? Yes, because for a European it is natural.
A huge number of more or less young girls and women - and even girls of a very young age - in the occupied territories of the USSR were raped. And most often after that they are killed. Not just killed - but killed with a sadistic invention.
And not only the Germans distinguished themselves in this... Rather, on the contrary - the German does not know the service well. He often has no time for pranks.
But all the Europeans who joined the Wehrmacht in the drangs of Osten - Romanians, Croats, especially Hungarians, all sorts of Dutch, and even representatives of tiny Liechtenstein - particularly distinguished themselves in atrocities in the occupied territories.
Neither the Poles nor the Czechs suffered such torment and humiliation - they are “their own”, Europe.
But the Russians... They are the enemy. He must be killed. And you can even get pleasure from it - your own people will understand and will not judge you.
Why is it difficult for good people to live?
This happens if fate decrees in such a way that the philanthropist is surrounded only by mercantile individuals who shamelessly exploit him and do not intend to leave the person the opportunity to spend resources on his personal tasks.
The life of such a good-natured person can be similar to the duty schedule of an ambulance crew.
That is, there are always people who are suffering , but there is no time to drink tea, relax and, in a figurative sense, look out the window or do something for yourself.
And if in the case of doctors they at least have a salary, then philanthropists very often have only internal comfort from the feeling that they did the right thing and at the behest of their heart. But often there is no time for yourself. And resources too.
A person may suffer for his own responsiveness for the following reasons:
- Doesn't know how to refuse requests. And the ranks of petitioners are not getting smaller. And if you do not know how to resist abuses on this basis, there is a risk of losing the opportunity to live your life.
- The peculiarity of the character does not allow one to remain indifferent to other people’s problems, which is why there is no strength left to solve one’s own problems .
- Good-natured people often sacrifice free time , some material values, hobbies, and even relationships for the sake of the interests of other people.
- Those who have repeatedly received help from a specific person and decided that this was predetermined from above, over time begin to consider the process of fulfilling his request as obligatory and even self-evident. As a result, the “clump” of responsibilities grows, and the one who constantly agrees to the offer of a friendly shoulder loses physical or mental, and sometimes all of his strength.
- In case of refusal, which, by the way, is a rare occurrence among good people, individuals who have not received benefits may begin to show indignation and be sadly surprised at the injustice of the world. Sometimes they even begin to persecute the “impertinent” one, demonstrating the “best” qualities of human character in general.
- In response to help, not everyone even says a simple thank you . And although some good-natured people do not ask for laudatory odes in their honor, verbal gratitude is expected by many on a subconscious level.
- Without good deeds, a person feels that he is living against his nature and is upset because of this, blaming himself for callousness and selfishness.
- Relatives may not share the philanthropy of their kind household member and give him unpleasant executions for each individual case of helping someone that they become aware of. Even in cases where they themselves do not suffer in any way from the act.
- It is not uncommon that after repeatedly helping someone in the past, a person finds himself in a difficult situation and learns that no one wants to help him .
And this factor, sometimes, has a much greater negative effect than the predicament created.
Essay on the psychological topic “Why goodness is not valued, but people become impudent from it”
Inna Kozlova
Essay on the psychological topic “Why goodness is not valued, but people become impudent from it”
In these days of self-isolation, when I have the opportunity to calmly think, meditate, read, think about my problems in life at home, I decided to look for material on this topic . I know that there are a lot of kind , sympathetic, selfless people on MAAM and I think maybe my publication will be useful to someone, because good people are having a hard time at the moment, because kind people are considered “weaks.” Arrogant and boorish people “rule” in modern society and they are “always on horseback.” So, why is it difficult for a good person ?
Human nature is selfish, and what a person gets easily is little valued or not valued at all, and this has been proven by life!
Everyone treats each other as they want.
How it works: when another person asks you to help him with something, he understands that he needs it and that he must make any effort to get what he wants. And you are doing him a favor by agreeing to help him. In this case, you don’t owe him anything, but you can always make it clear later that you expect help from him in return when you ask him for it. Or you set your own price for help. Or do you make it clear that you helped unselfishly and even then
To be honest, you don’t expect anything from a person and don’t be disappointed if he suddenly doesn’t live up to your expectations.
A person “sits on your head” and begins to become impudent because you yourself allow him to do so. You do not set boundaries for your personal space and do not warn in advance where the limit of your kindness . And this is worth doing and always!
If you see that a person is starting to become impudent , you stop giving him what he wants, because you shouldn’t do what you don’t want and what makes you uncomfortable. Tell him directly and only directly that you will not do this, just say a firm “no”. And don’t make excuses why , because these are not your problems, because he needs to get something from you, and let him find other ways to achieve this. Do not react to manipulation and pressure. Again, if you feel this way, say directly: “Don’t put pressure on me, or don’t manipulate me, I won’t change my decision.” If he doesn’t succeed, he will continue to stick to his line - be firm and cold-blooded if this concerns your interests. It is useless to argue with such people, so it is better to leave politely and gracefully.
Over the years, the understanding comes that you don’t need to open your soul to everyone. Today, unfortunately, qualities such as kindness and openness are taken for weakness of character. How can kind and sincere people so as not to suffer for good deeds, which do not always bring good in return ?
The psychological parable below is for those whose life is like an open book - it is such people who become victims of fate in the first place, they are undeservedly offended.
Once upon a time, a very beautiful girl came to a sage and said: “I have always been kind to others . I helped everyone I could and in whatever way I could. Because of my attitude, instead of gratitude in return, I only accept insults and contempt.
I was kind to children and old people, rich and poor, but no one noticed or appreciated , on the contrary, they only whisper behind my back. Why , after giving so much kindness , did I not receive even a particle of it in return? Give me advice on how I can get out of this situation?
The sage led her to a large mirror.
" Look! - said the old man. - Try to appear undressed, naked in front of all the people, having a beautiful and young body, huh? You will never dare to do this. But then why do you walk around with a naked soul! You have opened it inside out, and anyone who wants to comes into your life.
And if people see in you only kindness and the same actions, then like this mirror, you reflect their vices and imperfections - because everyone is trying to humiliate and offend you in return. Not everyone you helped has the courage to admit that you are better than him. People don't want to change , and a bad person always remains vicious. "
- Then what should I do? – asked the beauty.
“Come with me,” the elder suggested. And they entered the fragrant garden.
“I’ve been caring for these roses for half a century,” said the old man.
I water, loosen, protect from the sun. But I have never seen how these beautiful flowers bloom. So you should be like these noble roses: reveal your heart and soul to people not immediately, but gradually.
Look carefully: who deserves to be your friend and responds kindly , and who tears off your petals and tramples them underfoot. "
And it’s rightly said: you won’t be good to everyone. If you have a gentle character and open your soul to everyone, you will simply be taken advantage of by dishonest people , of whom there are many in the world.
But perhaps it is on GOOD PEOPLE that the world rests, and kindness should save it .
Why don't people appreciate this quality?
The main reason: individuals quickly forget that good deeds are not a mandatory action, but are a manifestation of the purely will of an assistant who has decided that someone should and should lend a hypothetical shoulder.
Besides:
- Subjects with limited horizons and low intelligence believe that people who voluntarily help others and share something do not have a real opportunity to defend their borders and property. And when faced with a good-natured person, the outcast will definitely try to squeeze the maximum out of the first one .
- Egoists believe that everyone owes them. And even help from strangers is regarded by such subjects as a natural phenomenon.
- What is given without much effort is no longer valued. This is a feature of the psyche of many people: to “forget” about the difficulties that someone had to overcome for the sake of help from those who asked for it.
- The result of the service provided is not the same as the one who asked for it saw in his dreams .
Sometimes the reason is the assistant’s inability to do what was asked, sometimes the essence of disappointment is the inflated demands of the person seeking participation. - Having received what he expected, the individual can add the assistant to a sort of list of weaklings who can be “ridden” . And automatically equate them with people who are weak, not worthy of respect, but very convenient for others.
- For a number of people, someone’s help subsequently becomes a punishment - they are unable to be in the status of “pulled out of the swamp” without nervous tension, because they do not like to feel obligated to someone. And the more help, the stronger the growing discontent and, as a result, antipathy. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying, the essence of which is: the more good done to someone, the more the helper hates receiving it.
