Men are afraid to depend on women and other reasons why guys get angry at girls

What Jed Diamond Says

“Anger has been a problem all my life. Because of this, two of my marriages ended and I almost got divorced for the third time,” says Jed. – When my wife told me that I got angry too often, I shouted to her: “I'm not angry. Damn it!" Inside, I felt confused, out of control, and righteous. I mentally said to myself, “Well, who wouldn’t get angry when someone attacked you the way she did?”

When Jed tried to explain his feelings to his wife, she was surprised. Nothing she did felt like an attack, and the man could not express what it was about her words that aroused his defensive anger. It's clear that he showed up for "nothing," but what really made Jed angry remained hidden for a long time.

He never stopped to ask himself, “Why do I get turned on so quickly?” After all, the man felt that he was right. Even if it wasn't. It took Jed years to understand why his wife was afraid of him. He never hit her. So Jed said to himself, "She's just too sensitive."

Calendar, peasant signs, phenology: 3 different starting points for the beginning of spring

The Perspective of Acceptance: How a Photo Important to Humanity Changes Thinking

Russians warned about dangerous methods of treating post-Covid syndrome

“I know when you’re angry, even if you hide it,” Jed’s wife told him. “At that moment your gaze becomes sharp, and it chills my soul.” Jed and Carlene have been married for 38 years. This is the third marriage for both of them, and they have already learned a lot about the nature of their character and ways to deal with anger.

How to deal with an aggressive man: 6 important rules

1. If a man behaves aggressively towards you, try to find out why this is happening. Have a heart-to-heart talk, because this is your loved one. Try to explain to him why such behavior is unacceptable for you and never believe the stupid saying “Hitting means loving.”
2. Understand that you are not an object to be beaten. No one gave your man the right to humiliate you, take out his anger on you, or let go of his hands. If he later asks for forgiveness, this is not an excuse. He is no longer little and must keep his whims, bad moods and various negative impulses in check.
3. To avoid aggression, try not to force a man to take actions that he does not want to do. He also has his own desires and they do not necessarily coincide with yours. It is best to act not straight ahead, but around it, to use tact and diplomacy, then you will be able to achieve what you want and come to a reasonable compromise.
4. Don't hold grudges, but tell your man why you don't like his behavior. He may have no idea what is acceptable for you and what is not. Don't be shy and tell him about all the negative feelings from aggression. It may very well be that he has no idea how offended you are, and he will try to behave differently in the future.
5. Respect yourself. This is important to feel confident even when a man behaves aggressively. Don't lose your composure and self-esteem if your loved one has lost control of their emotions. Try to soberly assess the situation. If a man’s aggressive outbursts are insignificant, then they can be ignored.
6. Learn different ways to relax and self-regulate. It's no secret that when you're around calm and balanced people, those around you also feel the same way.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Psychology of men and women from Margaret Atwood

Author Margaret Atwood talks about the dynamics between men and women that took her years to understand. Atwood says: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

Sometimes people listen to a writer and think to themselves, “I know what she says is right, but I can’t explain to myself why it’s right?” At first glance, two of Atwood's statements make no sense. Indeed, how can you compare the fear of death with the fear of being laughed at? However, Atwood suggests that fear of death and fear of ridicule can be combined. And yet it is much easier to understand the fear of women than the fear of men.

Men are usually larger, stronger and more aggressive. Every day in the news we see examples of male violence. To understand why men are afraid of women's ridicule, we must take a trip into men's world and try to see things through their eyes.

Improves memory, slows down aging: which fish is healthier than salmon

You just need patience and a few berries: how to grow blueberries from store-bought fruits

And you don’t need an alarm clock: in Australia, parrots wake up residents (video)

Sign 1 – confusion

He may seem arrogant and too narcissistic. May behave unfriendly and even rude. This means that when he sees you, he starts to get angry at himself for feeling something. And after each such time, it puts an end to possible relationships between a man and a woman.

Men are dependent on women, but are scared and ambivalent about it

In his book Misogyny: The Male Malady, anthropologist David Gilmore describes the almost universal dislike, contempt, or ingrained prejudice against women that is ingrained in the male psyche. He says that all these nuances are associated with unresolved conflicts that arise due to the urgent need of men to depend on women and the real dependence on them, as well as a strong fear of this. The main reason for male anger is subconscious needs that are so strange that guys block them:

• unconscious desire to return to infancy;
• the desire to suckle;
• the desire to return to the mother's womb;
• a strong temptation to give up one's male autonomy in favor of the omnipotent mother of childhood fantasies.

“The most interesting thing is that all these secret desires,” says Gilmore, “cause unconscious opposition, internal conflict and, consequently, mental turmoil in men.” Men's ambivalence towards women creates an uncomfortable and endless tension on every psychic level, leading to attempts to eliminate the cause of the disorder by attacking its source: women. Men can be open in their anger or secretive. Their anger can be aggressive and explosive, or passive and “pleasant.”

Protsenko admitted that during the year of fighting COVID he hardly saw his parents

Why you can’t sell eggs on March 24: signs of bird day

Depression: How Vitamin D Products Affect Our Emotional State

“I was basically a good guy, but my anger showed up quietly”; “I forgot when my wife’s anniversary is”; “I would flirt with my spouse’s best friend”; “I would listen to her, but not completely.” Sounds familiar?

Sign 4 – he begins to praise himself

He always has an incentive to achieve something grandiose; he always tries to talk about his achievements and victories. It is very, very important for him that you consider him strong, brave and treat him well. Every dissatisfied word of yours will be perceived by him much more sharply than from others. Don't offend him!

He talks too much and only about himself, boasts without reason and wants you to confess your love to him, admiring him.

Men feel unconsciously dependent on women

In his book, Sam Keen offers a perspective that resonates with Jed. “It dawned on me that a woman had a huge impact on my life and the lives of all the men I knew,” Keene says. “I am not talking about those women who are real beings of flesh and blood, but about those ladies who are ghostly female figures and inhabit our imagination, guide our emotions and indirectly give shape to many of our actions.

One of the main tasks of masculinity is to explore the unconscious feelings that surround the images of these ladies, to dispel the false mystification, to dispel the vague sense of threat and fear, and, finally, to learn to respect and love the strangeness of women.”

In summary, he states, “It may be helpful to think of sexual-spiritual maturation—the journey to manhood—as a process of transforming phantom ladies into women (or one woman), learning to see people of the opposite sex not as archetypes or members of a class, but as personalities."

To save space in the house: the Brazilian method of storing shoes in the closet

Natural shade with beautiful tints: dye your hair brown

Semyon Treskunov told who he really considers his mother

“It’s the woman in our heads that causes most of the problems,” Keene concludes. “And these archetypal beings—goddesses, angels, madonnas, witches, gypsies, earth mothers—must be banished from our minds and hearts before we can learn to love women.”

What is the reason

So why is he still angry about the divorce, although he himself left the family - for another woman or just to go home? There are actually many reasons, although practice shows that most of them come down to the same human feelings - jealousy, pride, high self-esteem, resentment or anger. And, of course, one cannot do without manifestations of bad sides of character.

Former, but still property

The most common reason for his anger is that he still considers the woman his property. Men are designed that way. It is very difficult for them to let go of situations, things, women, grievances... Some may consider the following example unsuccessful, but it is indicative.

A certain man sold his car, into which he had invested money and effort for several years. He felt comfortable in it, he loved it, appreciated it and blew away the specks of dust. I sold it at my own request. And so he drives along the city streets in a brand new car and, seeing his previous “swallow,” he twists his neck, trying to see where it went and who is driving it. Why? Because she is HIS, albeit with the prefix “former”.

It's about the same with women. Whatever the previous relationship and breakup, the woman who lived with him in the same living space, slept in the same bed and spent the money he earned will remain HIS property for a long time (if not forever) (prefixes do not count). And when he realizes that in reality this is not so, he begins to get angry, without understanding why.

Are men jealous of their ex-wives? And how. Especially at first and if she calmly endured the breakup, blooms and smells without him and does not suffer from a lack of male attention.

Alpha male

There is such a category of men - alpha males, who need a lot of female attention, often and varied. One day they will get married, because a wife is a warm hearth, delicious food, care during illness, a vest to cry on and a shoulder ready to support during difficult periods. After some time, their essence takes over and they again begin collecting skirts. But as you know, everything secret becomes clear. The spouse finds out about the affair or betrayals and makes claims. Alpha males leave on their own, because, in their opinion, irreplaceable women do not exist. But the familiar world is destroyed, comfort is lost and you have to wash your socks yourself. The ex-husband begins to get angry and blames his wife (who else, not himself...) - that’s why he is rude when they meet and makes the situation look like it was she who ruined the family (she could have accepted him for who he is, after all, he married her when there is a waiting list).

Laws of society

How to understand the inappropriate behavior of an ex-husband if the decision to divorce was made mutually, the separation passed without hysterics or resentment, everyone has a new happy life and no one made any claims to anyone?

Perhaps it has to do with the traditions that have developed in society. In Russia, it has become the custom that divorce is a declaration of war on those with whom you broke up. These are all social stereotypes that provoke inappropriate behavior and actions such as:

1. Washing the seeds.
2. Spreading rumors.
3. Digging through dirty laundry.
4. Hostility towards former relatives.
5. Ignore.
6. Rudeness in conversation.
7. Posting “dirt” on social networks.
8. Setting mutual friends against.

As they say, if you got divorced, that means you had a fight - throw a grenade!

Character

If the ex-husband, during a meeting or on the phone, humiliates and insults with or without reason, perhaps with the divorce the “kakis” of his character have surfaced. Previously, he held back because he had to, otherwise he wouldn’t feed him or cuddle him, but now everything is possible.

It turns out love

Someone wise said: “We don’t keep what we have, and when we lose it, we cry.” This happens to men too. While everything is there, they do not realize how beautiful the woman next to them is and how valuable a relationship with her is. They behave lousy, are constantly dissatisfied with something and think that somewhere is definitely better than here. Like moths fly to a brighter light - a beautiful, confident, successful, relaxed and unencumbered lady. But everything is learned by comparison and it turns out that the wife is much better - smart, kind, faithful, caring, undemanding (screw in a light bulb as much as possible and don’t throw socks around the house), unpretentious, understanding, patient, sympathetic, interesting. But the new one demands expensive gifts, and is not deprived of the attention of other men, and the manicure will not be spoiled by washing dishes or peeling potatoes, and earning money is not a woman’s business, and without a week she languishes by the sea. Yes, and sex with her is an extravaganza only the first two times, and then - just like with any other...

This is where love is revealed at the very bottom of the soul. And the wife will no longer forgive. She got sick, suffered and got used to the idea that it was all over. She spread her wings, raised her chin higher and began a new life. In such cases, there are two scenarios:

1. He asks for forgiveness and does everything possible and impossible to return it to how it was.
2. He pretends that everything is fine with him, demonstrates his fake “happiness”, tries to make him jealous and regret the breakup.

Based on such signs as pompous behavior, boasting, showing off a new lady and an ostentatious idyll in their relationship, one can understand that the ex-husband regrets the divorce.

Bored, sorry, but proud

Or he left not for someone else, but simply for a new life. Because of an absurd quarrel, mother’s opinion, other people’s intrigues in order to prove something... He is bored, regrets, but pride does not allow him to admit he was wrong and try to improve the relationship. And since the ex-husband, because of his cockroaches in his head, will never be the first to reconcile, it is difficult for a woman to understand that he still loves. And to be happy, both need to let go of the situation, put aside grievances, overcome pride and simply listen to each other.

An example from life. Evgenia and Evgeniy are an ideal couple in all respects, but his mother did not like her, who did everything to quarrel between them. He left, believing fake circumstances and slander. Within a few days, Zhenya realized that he had made a mistake, but his pride did not allow him to ask his wife for forgiveness. Evgenia (also proud, by the way) began to doubt that he had once loved her, although her friends told her that Zhenya regretted the breakup. So they lived apart, tormented, angry at themselves and the whole world. Until we met by chance in a supermarket. Zhenya was wearing a sweater she had given her and a scarf she had knitted, and in her basket were his favorite sausage and dumplings, which Evgenia had not eaten in a long time.

“How can I understand that my ex misses me if we don’t communicate at all?” Usually in such cases I answer: “So chat” and hear in response: “Nooo.” Well, then there is one option left, which does not provide a 100% guarantee, but sometimes helps. Do a little research and find out:

1. Does he have anyone?
2. Does he wear the things you gave him?
3. Does he go to those places where you liked to go together?
4. What does he say about you to mutual friends?
5. Whether to get angry when your name is mentioned (an indifferent person will not get angry).

If he doesn’t have anyone, he speaks extremely positively about you and doesn’t get out of his T-shirt with your photo, then feel free to ask him on a date. You can not? Well then, set up a chance meeting. You definitely need to talk, but preferably without making any claims, otherwise nothing good will come out of the conversation.

Burns bridges

It often happens that an ex-husband tries to hurt his wife with words or actions if she doesn’t want to let him go - he calls, persuades him to return, blackmails or cries, seeks a meeting and does not allow him to live in peace. Trying to hurt a woman, a man seeks to turn her away from himself, to burn all the bridges that still exist.

Happy without - how so

Another common reason is excessive pride. For narcissistic and selfish men, a relay is triggered: “She’s happy without me, how can she be... I thought she’d crawl on her knees or suffer, but she doesn’t care...” And they, stroking their pride, begin to diligently ruin a woman’s life (so that it doesn’t seem like honey).

Marriage was a mistake in the first place

Why does it happen that an ex-husband literally hates his ex-wife? If a divorce is provoked by betrayal or betrayal on the part of a woman, then his negative attitude is quite understandable. Hatred on the part of the ex-spouse can also manifest itself in cases where the marriage was initially a mistake. For example, he is under pressure:

1. Parents' choice.
2. Coercion or blackmail.
3. On arrival.
4. By calculation.

In all of these situations, he most likely always hated her, but for the time being he hid his true feelings.

What guys fear most is ridicule and disrespect.

Jed was 6 years old when he was in a room with his mother and several of her friends. Grown-up ladies spoke about their husbands in a mocking tone, discussing their shortcomings. Jed cannot remember the details of the conversation, but the feeling of pity, contempt and disrespect remains in his soul almost 70 years later.

The baby was then very ashamed of his father, since he did not live up to his mother's expectations. So he swore that he would die before he allowed a woman to talk about him like that.

James Gilligan, M.D., one of the world's experts on male violence and author of Violence: Our Deadly Epidemic and Why It Causes it, says, “I have yet to see a serious act of violence that is triggered by the shame of being ridiculed and humiliation."

Most often, men turn shame inward, become depressed and commit suicide. But the anger they express towards women is often shame-based and associated with a feeling of being overwhelmed by feminine power.

Sign 2 – persistence

He constantly shows increased attention to you. Perhaps it could be both nice surprises - invitations to the cinema or for a walk, as well as more sophisticated or interesting offers. Behind each such surprise there will be strategy and thought. However, he doubts whether you will accept his persistence, so if you like him, go ahead and accept him!

But in this case, his attention becomes almost aggressive, because being unable to cope with feelings, the man shows that you are unworthy of them. He may even try to humiliate you or be sarcastic. Behind this will be the fear of being rejected.