An excellent student and a bully. Five types of women that all men are afraid of | Psychology of life

The same feminine quality can evoke completely different attitudes in men. Everything happens exactly according to Zhvanetsky: “What a delight they are and what a horror they are fools.” With this approach, it seems that it is impossible to understand male logic, which means that you will have to “cook in girls” for the rest of your days. However, this is not quite true. In fact, the stronger sex has long ago decided on what it doesn’t like, and even on what really scares it. Psychologist Andrei Nikolaev shared with AiF.ru a man's view of the problem of relationships and spoke about five types of women whom the opposite sex tries to avoid.

Woman Controlling

The leader of this rating. This is a powerful lady who knows what, where, when, why she needs to do and persistently shares this knowledge with her partner. Simply put, it completely controls his life, goals and desires. Her attitude towards a man as an individual incapable of anything is usually formed in childhood, in a family with a weak-willed, disrespected father. In adulthood, such a girl will choose men with some potential for weakness. For example, she may have an alcoholic husband, whom she will take care of and keep under her wing or thumb. This need for total control is very frightening to all normal men, for whom relationships should be built on the principle of mutual respect.

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How to behave if she is offended

The simplest and most effective way is to find out the reason. You can offer to talk, or you can directly ask if she is offended by something. It is possible that she simply wants attention and is sulking that you do not look at her the same way as in the days of your first meetings.

If she doesn’t make contact and is silent, then just hug her. It may happen that she does not want to talk about some situation, for example, she failed a task at work, and she is ashamed to talk about it.

It is possible that the offended woman simply wants to be alone. She is tired of household chores and constant responsibilities, she wants solitude to put her thoughts in order, plan her affairs, take time for herself, and dream. The advice is this: just leave her alone, and after some time offer delicious tea, she will definitely appreciate such attention.

Woman Courageous

Silver medalist on our list. She also wants to control everything, not only in the family, but also far beyond its borders. Such representatives of the fair sex try to play in male territory, competing for the possession of a priori masculine qualities and attributes of brutality. Often this is a business woman with hypertrophied self-confidence, rigidity and arrogance. They actively demonstrate their superiority in various fields and areas, forcing men to doubt their own abilities, knowledge, skills and masculinity. With such a woman you can get seriously “hurt”, and it’s scary.

Prevention

It is much easier to prevent a disaster than to deal with its consequences:

First of all, you should never praise her friends or other ladies. Remember: even if you didn't talk bad about her legs, she may be offended if you complimented her friend's legs.
Carry your beloved in your arms, celebrate a new hairstyle, a beautiful dress, a good lipstick color. Representatives of the fair sex love with their ears - give her compliments and kind words. And always think before you name a woman, so as not to accidentally offend with any word. It is known that a compliment about how beautiful she is today can cause her to ask an internal question: am I usually ugly?
Pay more attention to the girl, she won’t tolerate you staring at your favorite iPhone while talking to her.
Give your beloved flowers not only on holidays, but also for no reason, this will give her more positive emotions and fewer reasons for resentment.

Try to remember all the dates that are important to her, since modern gadgets make it possible to do this very easily.
Arrange romantic surprises, do it for no reason, and then you will not know how an offended woman behaves.

A woman who doesn't love herself

This is the type of ready victim who lives only for, for the sake of and in the name of someone and is unable to fill himself with his own value. She seems to bear the stigma of rejection and uselessness, formed again in childhood, and tries to compensate for this in the only way available to her - selfless service. As a result, potential partners for such ladies are tyrants and abusers. Men who are not burdened with mental deviations are frightened and repelled by such women. How to love someone you don't need?

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Offended woman

It ranks fourth in our ranking. She was once greatly traumatized by relationships with the opposite sex, so she goes through life with the motto “all men are assholes.” Such a woman will begin to broadcast such an attitude already on the first date, where she will behave rather reservedly and mostly remain silent, but the essence of her silent “message” will reach the addressee. Why is such a lady dangerous? She tends to hide and suppress her grievances, but the moment of the big explosion will come, and the degree of its destructiveness cannot be predicted. It can be scary. Well, besides, it’s difficult to build a relationship with someone who considers you an asshole.

What destroys relationships

Any destruction of relationships begins with misunderstanding, which gradually turns into non-acceptance of the situation or any qualities of a person. The next stage is open or closed - a form of conflict that is not externally manifested.

At the heart of any conflict of misunderstanding and non-acceptance is resentment. But what destroys relationships is not even the resentment itself, but what men and women do on its basis, the way they show it towards each other.

What are men and women offended by?

There is something in relationships that is equally valuable for both men and women. And there are things that are important for men, but do not have the same meaning for women, and vice versa. It is these differences that people react to most.

A man gets offended when:

Feels and sees mistrust and control towards himself on the part of women. When he is told what and how to do correctly.

Feels inattention, which manifests itself through the woman’s coldness and indifference to his words and deeds - work. When he regularly does not receive affectionate touches, but is denied sex.

He is faced with disrespect for himself, which a woman shows by criticizing his ideas, actions, etc. It doesn’t matter whether together or in front of others, a man is equally hurt by any criticism. And also the lack of praise for what has been done and recognition of his merits.

There is no support for his views, opinions, ideas and actions.

His expectations are not met.

A woman gets offended when:

Feels and sees inattention towards himself: to changes in appearance, prepared food, feelings, words. When she feels indifference and coldness, when a man rarely hugs her.

She feels disrespect towards herself, which manifests itself through ignoring household chores and worries on the part of the man - disrespect for the woman who is the housewife. When she hears swearing and rudeness in her presence towards others and towards her. When she is criticized in front of other people.

She faces humiliation when a man allows himself to be rude, shout, curse and insult her. When he humiliates her with his words and actions, cheats, betrays her feelings, faith and trust.

Her expectations are not met.

An excellent pupil

Completes the top 5 most intimidating types of women. It would seem that what’s scary about a good girl who strives to do everything perfectly? It's scary not being able to live up to it. Such standardization of actions, thoughts and words is truly frightening. Firstly, because a person cannot be ideal, which means there is a certain accumulated potential of unrealized incorrect qualities, and someday it will come out. And secondly, this “Miss Impeccable” has a mother! You will also have to enter into a relationship with her - and this is not the most rosy prospect.

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PS: Men feel everything

Remember the movie What Women Want?, where Mel Gibson's suddenly gains the ability to hear women's thoughts, and he is shocked by the discovery that women are constantly worried about something. Anxiety lives in all of us, but these five types have pumped it up to a “high level.” This is how they respond to the main fears of their lives, shaped by the conditions of their upbringing and social environment. The fear of losing control of life gives rise to the controlling type. The fear of being weak is courageous. Fear of rejection - a woman who does not love herself. Fear of getting burned in a relationship - offended. Fear of making a mistake is an excellent student. Women simply camouflage all these fears with certain images, but men cannot be deceived, they feel them.

Resentment is the scourge of all women

Resentment is the scourge of all women, and it manifests itself especially acutely in relationships with a man. A woman is offended by the behavior of her husband (her man), by his actions and words when she is in a bad mood, trying to punish him with her aloofness and silence.

This works for many people. A man cannot withstand the mental stress created by a woman and comes to make peace, gives gifts and so on. Not because he wants to do something nice for her, to please her, but simply because she has created conditions for him in which a mentally healthy person cannot be. He is simply trying to nullify her emotional oppression. Resentment does not strengthen relationships, it slowly undermines them and destroys them. Moreover, being offended is also not an easy thing - you need to create a completely terrible energy within yourself, spin up different thoughts, be in a depressed and negative state, you cannot smile, rejoice, and of course, in the end, the offense destroys not only your own mind and health, but also your psyche those around you.

Many women know this, but continue to be offended!

Why?

Since childhood, we have been indoctrinated with the idea that getting married solves all problems, the husband must make decisions, be responsible, and strive to make his wife happy. And bribes from us are smooth. The main thing for us is to fulfill our marital duties, prepare meals, be beautiful, keep the house clean and give birth to children, but our mood and emotional state are not included there.

Vedic knowledge further confirmed this by talking about the responsibilities of a man and a woman. Everything was clearly distributed: responsibility for the man, gentleness for the woman.

A man, of course, can take responsibility for creating living conditions for a woman, giving her a child, protecting her. But he is not responsible for what happens in her head and how she perceives it. He is absolutely not to blame for this. We shift responsibility for our minds to men, although this is no longer their area of influence.

One day, my best friend’s boyfriend brought her a huge bouquet of yellow roses. He is an ordinary man and does not know all the subtleties of giving yellow flowers for separation and so on. And when he, happy, appeared at the door with this bouquet, my friend was offended to the core, hit him with the bouquet and threw him out the door. It took me more than an hour to explain to her that this was not malicious intent, that he was not breaking up with her, that he was just an ordinary guy who did not know the intricacies of flower etiquette and that he wanted to please her.

An absurd situation, but I’m sure there have been cases in your life when you were offended by all sorts of nonsense.

Resentment, like many other negative emotions, is an indicator of our personal immaturity, that we are not ready to take responsibility for our lives, not to mention the lives of other people.

When we are offended by someone, we simply give responsibility for our life into the hands of others, we allow other people to control our destiny, our mood, our emotions, we choose to be a victim!

If you might be upset by the way the conductor spoke to you on the trolleybus, or that your husband didn’t look in your direction when you were expecting it, or that your mother said something on the phone, or a friend leaked something negative about you - and you are upset because of this, If you have lost heart, you have lost motivation and the sparkle in your eyes, then please tell me who controls your life? You or these people?

Now please remember the situations that trigger emotions of resentment, anger, irritation in you?
What kind of people are these?
What are these events?

Just remember. Why, you will find out further.

When I was studying at the school of Psychology, my wise mentor (low bows to him) said something that I remember well:

“Our karma (destiny) is contained in our mind. According to karma, we are born with a certain mind, which creates our future destiny. Two people react differently to the same situation. Some will wilt and stop trying, while others will smile and see a lesson from God in this. Many events in our destiny are predetermined, but our freedom lies in how we react to it - this is how we create new karma, good karma. Between stimulus and response there are always a few moments within which we are free to choose our reaction.”

Remember when everything is going well for you, you are in a wonderful mood, and suddenly someone on the street said something or pushed you, will you be offended? Will you notice this? Will this be valuable to you?

After all, if we don’t want to be offended, then you won’t offend us, no matter how hard you try. The word to be offended comes from two words “To offend oneself”, and abbreviated as “to be offended”.

There was a case in my life when I kept asceticism without salt and sugar. We were traveling and had to order food in restaurants, carefully explaining to the waiter that I needed food without salt and sugar. And somehow I was very tired and hungry. My husband took me to a cafe, he ordered food and explained our conditions.

I really wanted to eat and I was really looking forward to the food being brought. And then, 20 minutes later, the food arrived. I tried it and it turned out to be salty. Everything we ordered. A flood of unpleasant feelings washed over me and I immediately wanted to be offended by my husband, because he ordered it. The husband immediately went to the cook and asked for the same thing only without salt. I continued to get angry. I was annoyed by the waiters who walked around and smiled. They didn’t feel any guilt for their mistake, for the fact that I was sitting there hungry and upset. I was hungry, but I still had to wait. Resentment began to overcome me!

And then I caught this pause, these few moments and asked myself, “Why am I angry with my husband? I heard myself that he ordered and asked for everything as needed. He did everything he could. And even after that, he went and tried to correct the situation,” and suddenly the realization came to me that I did not want to take responsibility for my life, for the unpleasant situations that came into it.

It’s much easier to blame it on your husband and demand more from him. I looked at the situation from the outside and realized that I had shifted responsibility for my life, for my mood, to a huge number of people. There were so many of them that I could no longer manage it myself. I gathered my courage and turned on the remnants of my reason. I managed to seize the moment and took advantage of it.

“So, Julia,” I told myself, “you have a choice. First, you can freak out and be offended by your husband and refuse to eat at all, so that he would be ashamed. Second, you can thank God for a situation that teaches you to control your attachments. And calmly, with gratitude, eat what they bring later. Third, you can laugh at the situation and say, “Austerity is the wealth of a brahmana.” Fourth, you can take a walk with your child for now and let your spouse eat in peace, and then he will replace you and you can also eat your bland food in peace. Think about which option will make your present pleasant and improve your relationship with your husband and with God in the future?”

I rejoiced. I caught this moment when the present and future are happening and I liked it. Now I use it. I want to choose how to react to life myself. I want to choose those reactions that will make life better, richer, brighter!

We can get married and receive a lot of benefits from our husband, but he will never be able to provide us with his mind and view of the world through him. A man can make a woman happier, but not happy.

Being happy is our own choice.

It is your voluntary choice to be offended by a person and allow him to control your mind or choose another reaction that will be joyful for everyone.

All states are in your mind, we can cause them if we want. It is not the world and people that influence our emotions; we are free to manage them ourselves. We can imagine any state and feel it, as this happens when we watch films.

We have access to all the senses, you know that? Our task is not to stick labels on people: “With you I feel this, and with you this,” “If he behaves this way, I’ll be happy, but if he behaves differently, I’ll be upset,” we can choose much more beautiful, positive reactions to every situation in life.

Please, girls, those who are married and those who are single, give up the illusion that a man will bring happiness into your life. A man will only increase what you already have! If you are happy, you will be happier, and if you are unhappy, then even more unhappy.

We women also have responsibility, and first of all it concerns our mind, our mood, our worldview. The fact that a man can control a woman’s mind is an illusion. You yourself know that with our mental tricks we can “blow out the brains” of even the most courageous man. Is not it?

A man is attracted to a woman’s state of mind, her emotions, and this is the explanation for the fact that many ugly women, by modern standards, are wildly successful with men. Because they are cheerful, they are light, lively, they know how to be joyful and create this atmosphere around.

Therefore, return responsibility for your life and for your mood to yourself, manage it yourself! Be housewives, witches in the good sense of the word.

Next time you feel like being offended, think:

What will resentment give me?
What do I get by being offended?
Will the relationship improve because of this resentment?
Will my life become brighter and more joyful?
Will my path become more spiritual?
Will this bring me at least some development?

You, of course, ask, “What if a person does really unpleasant things (insults/humiliates/ridicules)? Why not be offended by him?”

Of course not! If you are not offended, this does not mean that you will now become a trash can into which you can pour anything. I also thought about this and a wonderful phrase came to me: “I’m not offended - I draw conclusions.”

If a person behaved rudely once - you didn’t react, he continues to do it a second and third time - why be offended? Draw conclusions - why do you even need such a person in your life?

If your family or friends treat you badly, then understand that this is a call from the Universe that it’s time to start working on yourself and on your relationships.

Write letters;
Do forgiveness practices;
Learn to speak correctly with your elders, peers and juniors.
Handle the situation like a witch. Quiet. Calmly. Without leaving home.

Resentment does not solve problems - it increases them.

Give up negative emotions, consciously, with joy, with desire. It's so great when you can control your mood.

Somehow I remember it was a difficult day, and everything was not the way I wanted. At the end of the day, my husband took me to the cinema. But the mood was lousy. And my wise husband told me:

- You see, now everything has turned out the way it has. We can no longer change the situation, but we can see something good in what is happening. Can you try, through an effort of will, to change your mood from bad to joyful? Just imagine that there is such a switch inside you and you just need to lift it, try it please!”

- Okay - I tried it. And I succeeded. I suddenly began to notice positive signs from the Universe around me. She seemed to encourage me. So in a good mood we went to the cinema.

And if you want to be sad (it happens that you’re just in a sad mood), then be sad consciously, with light sadness, don’t look for reasons, don’t blame it on people. A woman’s karma is often worked out through moods, so if sadness comes and you want to immerse yourself in it, warn your loved ones “I want to be a little sad, just like that, for no reason” and be sad for your own health. published

Author: Yulia Sudakova