Fear of relationships with men, fear of falling in love, sex, kissing, fear of women, girls, serious close and intimate relationships: symptoms, causes and treatment of phobias

June 17, 2022

Many young people dream of a happy personal life. Many people dream of being loved. But it happens that building close relationships is very difficult. A person seems to want to enter into a close relationship, but as soon as they become available, he rejects them. Most likely, such a person is an intimate phobe.

Intimophobia is the fear of close relationships, sexual intimacy.

Subtypes of fear are divided depending on the cause. True - fear of intimacy at the level of phobia, i.e. a person’s actions are completely blocked; the blocking can only be removed within the framework of psychotherapy. False - fear of intimacy at the level of fear, i.e. a person’s actions are blocked temporarily, the blocking can be removed by the person himself.

These are people who are afraid to start long-term emotional relationships. Long and lasting close intimate relationships frighten them because they can pose a threat to their independence.

Both women and men are equally susceptible to intimate phobia.

How to get rid of phobias and fears on your own: advice from a psychologist

First, determine what kind of phobia you have. Then read what thoughts trigger it. Tune in to the right way of thinking, get rid of obsessive ones.
Then each phobia requires an individual approach. However, when choosing your method of getting rid of a phobia, do not forget to check the tips in the article.

First, determine what phobia you have

Fear of men - androphobia: symptoms, causes

Causes:

Unpleasant experiences from the past. They are associated with failed relationships.
Family. If the relationship between the parents was bad and the mother constantly condemned the father in front of her daughter.
The phobia arises from watching films where men show cruelty and anger in relationships.
Confidence in your unattractiveness.

Fear of men - androphobia
How to express it:

A woman constantly feels falsehood in the courtship of men. It seems to her that behind all their attempts to establish communication there is a hidden desire to take possession of her and abandon her.
She feels anxious in places where there are a lot of men.
For her, the word man is associated with selfishness and arrogance.
A woman susceptible to this phobia is too critical of men. Finds many shortcomings in them.
She often considers herself a feminist. Constantly seeks out facts of violation of women's rights by men.

A woman feels anxious in places where there are a lot of men.
Ways to solve the problem:

Acknowledge your fear. And don’t try to hide it behind the fact that men are “bad.”
After the first point, consult a psychologist. With the help of hypnosis or conversations, he will help you look at men as ordinary people.

Let go of old grudges against men:

You can write letters in which you express all your worries because of them. Of course, such letters should not be sent to this address.
Encourage and support yourself. Every day, consciously do not allow yourself to criticize your actions.
Practice communicating with men.

Let go of old grudges against men

What to do if a girl is afraid of relationships with men

Love and relationships occupy an important place in the life of a person of any gender, but sometimes it’s not just fear, but philophobia that prevents you from finding your soul mate and creating a happy family. Fear of love occurs after a failed relationship, unhappy love or due to self-doubt, and is not uncommon, but sometimes such fear becomes uncontrollable and turns into a phobia.

Fear of falling in love - philophobia: symptoms, causes

Causes:

Finding an ideal partner who has only positive qualities.
The loss of a loved one and the idealization of his personality. This makes new relationships impossible.
Unsuccessful relationships with the opposite sex. The previous partner was rude or cruel.
Adolescent trauma. Unrequited love, suffered from 12 to 18 years. During this period, failures are usually perceived more painfully than by adults.
Family problems. If a child has often seen scandals and humiliation in his family, the opposite sex becomes unpleasant for him.

Fear of falling in love - philophobia
What increases philophobia?

Low self-esteem
Fear of losing personal freedom
Fear of taking responsibility for decisions made

How to express it:

Philophobes are afraid to have close relationships with people of the opposite sex. People often have no idea about this phobia. He creates his own comfortable little world into which he does not allow outsiders. This world consists of a lifestyle convenient for the philophobe.
The stronger the philophobia, the more difficult it is for a person to share his feelings and emotions.
A person either tries to be alone, or is constantly in a noisy company, in a crowded place.

Philophobes are afraid to have close relationships with people of the opposite sex

A philophobe can be sloppy and cares little about his appearance. Or go to the other extreme: pay a lot of attention to your appearance.

Ways to solve the problem:

Realize the hidden benefits that philophobia gives you. To do this, you can use the technique from the video at the end of this subtopic about philophobia. Such benefits may include: protection from the loss of a loved one, protection of personal space and freedom, and protection from disappointment.
Become more attentive to your behavior. Notice those moments when you are driven by philophobia. Awareness of the problem is the first step to solving it.

Realize the hidden benefits of philophobia

Boost your self-esteem. To do this, praise yourself even for small successes. At the end or beginning of each day, note five of your positive qualities.
Develop positive thinking. To do this, every day remember five happy events of the past day and five of your achievements. And also find five positive qualities in people you don’t like at the moment. Read books by Luza Hay or A. Sviyash.
Try to communicate with new people more often, travel.
Do familiar things in an unusual environment. For example, take your morning walks in a new, unknown area.

Boost your self-esteem

Fighting methods

Most often, such changes in a person’s character and behavior do not go unnoticed by those close to them.

Consultation with a psychologist

Such messengers include:

a person tries to spend all his free time alone or is not at home at all, preferring to be in noisy society;
stops taking care of his appearance or pays too much attention to it;
expresses a desire to have a family, but does not take any action for this;
meeting a potential partner comes down to short sexual contacts;
character deteriorates, irritability, nervousness, and temper appear;
sleep is disturbed;
mood decreases.

If at least some of the signs match your condition, you probably need to work on changes in your life. It is worth understanding all the pros and cons of this situation. Most likely it is fear:

lose freedom, autonomy and independence;
be disappointed in your chosen one;
give up long-term habits;
lose a loved one.

This is not the entire list of fears; in practice there are many more.

Fear of women, girls - gynecophobia (gynephobia, feminophobia, gynophobia): symptoms, causes

Causes:

A cruel, domineering, or hot-tempered mother. Or she changed her mood quickly.
The father is weak and weak-willed.
Unpleasant personal experience. A personal unsuccessful relationship or simply an unpleasant situation involving a woman. Sometimes ladies act tense and aggressive with men because of past disappointments or bad stereotypes. Therefore, a man immediately faces the unpleasant side of girls.

Gynephobia
How it is expressed:

Unpleasant sensations when trying to start a conversation with a girl. This could be anxiety or a strong feeling of fear.
Fear of being the first to start dating, even if the girl is pretty.
A gynecophobe tries to communicate with women as little as possible. Next to them he feels weak and unprotected.
When communicating with women, feminophobes can be rude and arrogant. They try to emphasize their superiority.
Gynecophobes are afraid to enter into intimate contact.

Feminophobia
Ways to solve the problem:

You can consult a psychologist. But only if your phobia does not respond to your own treatment.
Try to get to know the girls better. The unknown is scary. And if there is no uncertainty, starting communication will be easier each time.
Understand that girls are people just like you. They have their own complexes and fears.
Practice communicating with girls more often.

Understand that girls are people just like you.

Don't be afraid of rejection. Someone's “no” is not at all a confirmation of your unattractiveness. This is just a sign that somewhere there is an even more interesting and beautiful girl who will say “yes” to you.
Try to get rid of negative experiences from the past associated with girls. Imagine that a girl who once offended you tells you her story. Remember, any aggression is evidence of a person’s complexes and fears. Mentally see how the girl says that she is sorry, that she herself felt bad, that’s why she did what she did.

Get rid of negative experiences from the past

General recommendations for reducing anxiety

It is important to understand that you will not be able to get rid of anxiety forever. Only the dead do not worry and worry; a living person cannot escape from the innate feeling of anxiety, which is designed to save his life

So, if a person has an anxiety disorder and wants to reduce its severity, the following advice from psychologists will help:

Anxiety does not like order and routine, so you need to go to bed and get up at the same time and make a schedule of your affairs.
Sports are a great way to relieve stress. You can go to the gym and at least run in the morning a couple of times a week. Your well-being and mood noticeably improve almost immediately after training.
No alcohol. Alcohol is a powerful depressant and is contraindicated for people with anxiety and phobia of death.
Watch less TV, especially the news. Scary, unpleasant events, one way or another, affect the level of anxiety. And, in general, a large amount of information overloads the psyche and nervous system, which leads to general tension.
Move and walk more: walks in the fresh air, pleasant communication with friends, shared hobbies lift your spirits.
Communication with animals is actually a moment of therapy. You can visit the petting zoo, where you have the opportunity to touch and pet the animals, while experiencing pleasant feelings.

Fear of kissing - philemaphobia: symptoms, causes

Causes:

Fear of appearing awkward and inexperienced
Fear of unpleasant sensations
Fear of losing control over yourself and the situation
Unpleasant sensations when someone is in your personal space
Once upon a time, a guy/girl a person was kissing made fun of his kissing style.
Unpleasant memories of someone kissing you against your will
Sometimes philemaphobia is closely related to the fear of becoming infected with other people's germs (bacteriophobia)
Fear of being rejected or being rejected

fear of kissing - philemaphobia
As expressed:

Philemophobes are afraid of relationships and try to avoid contacts with the opposite sex
When thinking about kissing, these people feel dizzy and nauseous. They are shaking and very stressed
Looking at a simple scene in a movie with a kiss or at a kissing couple, philemophobe feels fear and disgust

When thinking about kisses, philemophobes feel dizzy and nauseous.
Ways to solve the problem:

Realize: your partner loves you. And any kiss will be pleasant for him, simply because he will kiss you.
Consult a psychologist.
If you have fear of the first kiss, then once you kiss you will no longer experience it.
Understand that refusing a kiss is not a big deal. Make attempts to start new relationships often. Then refusals will stop scaring you.
If you are a man, remember that a woman may refuse a kiss due to coquetry or shyness.

Your partner loves you

Read about the hidden sexual signals of women and men to know whether you should try to kiss or not.
Don't try to learn how to kiss using manuals and instructions. Each person is unique and individual. Everyone has their own preferences in kissing. So just be observant during the process. Try to feel whether your partner likes what you do - or not.
If you are afraid of bad breath, then remember a few simple rules. The smell from dental diseases like caries or tartar cannot be masked, only cured. To make your breath smell good before kissing, chew chewing gum for 10 minutes. You can read more about treating bad breath in this section.

Everyone has their own preferences in kissing

Psychology of acquisitions ↑

The explanatory dictionary defines the word “loss” as the disappearance of something or someone. So it was, it was and it was gone. A wise Russian proverb says: as it comes, so goes. That's it!

A person comes into this world naked. All he has at the time of birth is his helpless body and his parents. Everything that then surrounds us is acquired.

But look how the fists clench when something hits them, how the hands reach out to everything, how quickly the baby learns to say the word “mine!” This normal innate instinct helps to survive not only in extreme situations.

It’s as if the baby knows that losses and loss await him ahead, and therefore strives to maintain balance.

Fear of sex and sexual relationships - genophobia: symptoms, causes

IMPORTANT: The fear of showing one’s inexperience in a young woman/young man should not be confused with erotophobia. It can be overcome by gaining experience over time.

Causes:

Severe pain when losing virginity
Past violence
Negative attitudes from childhood. The mother or grandmother who said sex was dangerous and dirty
Complexes due to the fact that a person is convinced that he is ugly
Your partner's sarcastic comments about your sexual relationship

fear of sex - genophobia
As expressed:

A person tries to avoid intimacy, refuses, making up excuses.
In severe cases, he tries not to have a relationship at all.

Ways to solve the problem:

If you are embarrassed about your body, understand a simple truth. Your partner loves you and your body is perfect for him.
Decide to practice more often. Over time, the fear will pass.

Your partner loves you and your body is perfect for him

What are the dangers of unfinished relationships?

When building new close communication, but at the same time thinking about old pain, there is a risk of unconsciously projecting old grievances onto the partner, making unfounded claims, demonstrating painful jealousy, which can soon ruin the union.

You can say goodbye to the love that no longer exists in your soul if you say or write to your former loved one everything that was unsaid. Working with a psychoanalyst will also help you express difficult feelings. Time, self-care, and the support of loved ones and friends help heal mental wounds.

Fear of sex - erotophobia: symptoms, causes

causes:

Violence
Convincing adults that sex is dirty or shameful
Unpleasant personal experience

Ways to solve the problem:

Contact a psychologist or undergo psychological training.
Think about the advantages of successful sex: incredible sensations, improved relationships with your partner, health improvement and positive emotions.
Talk to your partner, discuss the problem. Ask him to be more gentle with you.

Fear of sex - erotophobia

Nobody comes near

One of the most popular reasons for fear of a serious relationship is excessive demands on a partner. As a rule, such people say something like this: “All the good ones are already taken, but I just don’t want anything” or “Everything about it is good, and I love it, but I just don’t like cats (snores, earns little) "and stuff like that.

It happens that such people break off relationships even with those they truly loved. Such specimens usually have inflated self-esteem or even narcissism. The more years pass, the more likely it is that the other half will never be found.

Because at the age of twenty, young people experience a feeling of falling in love, thanks to which a lot is forgiven and their eyes are closed to a lot. But over the years, we stop experiencing such vivid feelings, and rather choose a partner based on the compatibility of our views on life, common hobbies or aspirations.

Fear of first intimacy - intimate phobia: symptoms, causes

Causes:

Not knowing how to behave
Belief in rumors that first sex is most often unsuccessful and embarrassing
(In the case of girls) Fear that after sex, the guy will lose interest

How it manifests itself:

A person tries to avoid contacts with the opposite sex.
Avoids relationships and is afraid to fall in love, because... knows that the relationship will have to go through sex.

Belief in rumors that first sex is most often unsuccessful and embarrassing.
Ways to solve the problem:

Get rid of the attitude that not knowing about sex and being inexperienced is shameful. This is your first time. Not knowing much about something you've never done is not a bad thing.
Honestly tell your significant other the truth about the fact that you are having sex for the first time.
Be sure to protect yourself and make your sex safe. Then you won’t have to regret the first time.

Honestly tell your significant other the truth about the fact that you are having sex for the first time.

Relax and get ready to have fun. Think about the pleasant sex that characters in movies, books, or people you know had. You can do it too!
(For women and girls) Mentally thank your fear for trying to protect you. And let him go. Realize that your partner will help you and become your protection. An incentive to get rid of fear will also be the fact that it itself can become a cause of pain. The emotional and muscular tightness that fear causes will cause pain.

Fear of first intimacy - intimate phobia

Sign up for group training

Sometimes it happens that you cannot even start a relationship. No matter what guy you like, things don’t go further than secretly falling in love with him. Perhaps you are too shy and uptight. Stretching, yoga, Pilates, and dancing will help you relax.

By the way, physical activity helps keep your figure in good condition. Those girls who don’t like their own body should sign up for a gym, or maybe even a session with a personal trainer. No guy will love you until you love yourself.

A simple truth that many brush aside like an annoying fly, but on the whole it works so much that it is a real crime to ignore it.

Yes, by the way, this is an interesting fact, but a girl’s self-esteem is influenced not only by how she perceives herself, but also by how others perceive her.

Fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease - venerophobia: symptoms, causes

Causes:

Personal experience of contact with a person infected with sexually transmitted diseases
Understanding that sex can be unsafe
Erroneous information taken from unreliable sources
Misconceptions learned from friends

How it manifests itself:

Any discomfort in the intimate area causes fear and panic in a winephobe. Even harmless inflammation seems to him the beginning of a venereal disease.
A person who has once suffered a sexually transmitted disease becomes distrustful. It always seems to him that the recovery is not yet complete.

Fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease - venerophobia

Vinerophobe is afraid of any sexual contact and avoids it.
In serious cases, thoughts about sex cause panic. It is manifested by rapid breathing, increased pulse, and severe weakness. The same thing is repeated when the possibility of sex arises.

Ways to solve the problem:

First of all, sincerely wish to get well. Find the positives in sex and the benefits it finds.

First of all, sincerely wish you to get well

Choose a gentle, patient doctor. He should calmly and patiently answer all your questions about your health.
Take all the necessary tests and make sure that you do not have sexually transmitted diseases.

Condemnation of others

“She’s a mother of three children, it’s time to calm down, and not run around with men!” - Many potential brides are so worried about public opinion that they do not dare to challenge it.

What to do. Ignore stupid and envious people. Let them think what they want, you can’t please everyone

But the opinion of children is really important. If a suitable candidate appears on the horizon, try to carefully introduce him into your family

Make it clear to the children that he does not pretend to be their dad and do not in any way interfere with meetings with their real father. Let your lover try to become a friend to your kids - then there will be less jealousy towards the “newcomer”. And don’t be tormented by feelings of guilt: the children will soon grow up and start families. And who will you be left with if you give up on women’s happiness?

Fear of beautiful women

Causes:

Lack of self-confidence, inferiority complex
The stereotype that beautiful women will always try to take over a man
Fear of Rejection
The stereotype that beautiful women are stupid and selfish

How to express it:

At the sight of a beautiful girl, a person experiences shortness of breath, dizziness, and rapid heartbeat.

The cause of fear is lack of self-confidence

A man feels uncomfortable in the company of a beautiful girl.
A man communicates well with girls of ordinary appearance, but panics when communicating with beauties.
In cases of severe phobia, a man may run away from the place where a beautiful woman is.

A man feels uncomfortable in the company of a beautiful girl.
Ways to solve the problem:

If the guy is still a teenager, then this phobia will most likely go away with time.
Contact a psychologist. Find out what event from the past caused this phobia.
Take a self-esteem course.
Learn affirmations about self-love and repeat them to yourself during phobia attacks.

Find out what event from the past caused this phobia

Complex of manifestations

Symptoms of anxiety disorders are divided into two groups:

Somatic symptoms. Characterized by pain, deterioration of health: headaches, sleep disturbances, darkening of the eyes, sweating, frequent and painful urination. We can say that a person feels changes on the physical level, and this further aggravates the anxious state.
Mental symptoms: emotional stress, a person’s inability to relax, fixation on the situation, constantly turning it over, forgetfulness, inability to concentrate on something, inability to remember new information, irritability and aggression.

The transition of all of the above symptoms into a chronic form leads to such unpleasant consequences as neurosis, chronic depression and stress. Living in a gray, scary world, where there is no joy, no laughter, no creativity, no love, no sex, no friendship, no delicious dinner or breakfast... all these are the consequences of untreated mental disorders.

Treatment of phobias with hypnosis

Briefly, hypnosis treats phobias according to the following scheme:

The hypnotist finds in the patient’s subconscious the root cause of his panic and fear.
With the help of attitude and suggestion, the client accepts the painful event. Stops clinging to him. Forms a new, positive model of behavior. Returns to reality as a different, better person.

The hypnotist finds the root cause of his panic in the patient’s subconscious

What is heterophobia

The first unsuccessful sexual experience may well lead to the development of heterophobia in men and women

This deviation does not apply to classic phobias, since we are not talking about a panicky, uncontrollable fear of people of the opposite sex, but rather about avoiding their company and trying to stay away from potential irritants. Homosexuals are often accused of hidden heterophobia, believing that the true reason for their engaging in sexual relations with members of their own sex is the presence of internal fears and contradictions. However, homosexuality and heterophobia are completely different conditions, usually of a different nature.

Heterophobes are those people who have a panicky fear of sexual contact. The culprit is most often psychological trauma from the past, failures of the first sexual experience and excessive emotionality.

If a person has a weak and unbalanced psyche, then his subconscious fears can provoke the development of phobias towards members of the opposite sex. Moreover, all cases of the development of this pathology are unique and therefore require an individual approach to the patient.

A pronounced fear of relationships with the opposite sex arises very often in modern society. However, another form of pathology is also possible, when it is not about fear, but about a sharply negative attitude towards manifestations of heterosexual love.

Reasons for the development of pathology

This deviation can develop due to a number of reasons:

Lack of basic sexual skills. For example, if a girl has never previously entered into an intimate relationship with a man, enduring ridicule from her friends about this, then in adulthood she may have serious problems associated with fear of entering into heterosexual contact. In this case, the problem lies in the lack of experience, complexes about one’s body, panic in front of a naked man, etc.
Psychological trauma that was received in early childhood as a result of rape. Even if the child has received qualified psychotherapeutic treatment, fear can take root in the subconscious, preventing the building of intimate relationships in adulthood.
The inability to communicate with girls can cause fear of heterosexual relationships in men. This problem arises due to the fear of losing an erection, the inability to involve a woman in sexual games and uncertainty in one’s ability to satisfy a partner.
Consequences of a bad sexual experience. Girls experience problems in intimate life due to pain during the first sexual intercourse. For guys, fear can be triggered by the lack of an erection.

If a girl’s first sexual experience ends in pregnancy and abortion, this can provoke fear of subsequent sexual relations and fear of the opposite sex in the future.

Symptoms

Feeling embarrassed when watching erotic films may indicate heterophobia

The following factors may directly or indirectly indicate the presence of this phobia:

Strong indignation at the sight of people kissing in a public place. Moreover, we are not talking about simple dissatisfaction, but about outright disgust.
Changing the TV channel when seeing a demonstration of heterosexual love. We are talking about kisses, hugs, etc.
A person remains alone for a long time, despite a successful career, good social adaptation and external attractiveness.
Development of erectile dysfunction in the absence of physiological problems. In this case, a subsequent consultation with a psychologist is necessary to determine the real cause of the pathology.
The person rejects advances and all forms of affection from members of the opposite sex.
The presence of strong embarrassment, reluctance to visit the beaches.

Both men and women are equally susceptible to the development of this pathology. The severity of symptoms is determined by the strength of the psychological trauma that led to the development of this pathology. Fear of relationships with the opposite sex can manifest itself not only as fear and panic, but also in the form of aggression and disgust.