“A man needs a man” is a pretty common expression, isn’t it? But that’s why it’s in circulation, because it really is true. We live in society, in constant contact with society, and continuously conduct verbal or non-verbal dialogue with someone. Therefore, establishing and maintaining relationships is so important, because without communication a person fades away.
Of course, there are many types of relationships: working, friendly, comradely, family, etc. They can line up on their own just by making contact. And sometimes you really have to work hard on them, and this applies to a greater extent to the romantic ones. Be that as it may, there are people who do not want relationships in general, and in particular those that will require work. There can be any number of reasons, but each is the path to resolution.
The reasons leading to reluctance to start a relationship may include various psychological factors:
Character traits
Some people are comfortable alone ; they do not want to adapt to someone by changing their habits and lifestyle. They sometimes say about such individuals: “He won’t be able to get along with anyone.” In reality, he just doesn't want to. A person likes the feeling of freedom, he likes to set his own daily routine. A loner does not want to bend under someone; he believes that this deprives him of many pleasures and freedom of action.
Psychologists assure that a person who does not need anyone and is not afraid to be alone will be happy alone
Comfort zone
Of course, everyone needs to feel safe. The comfort zone is that safe space in which nothing can destroy confidence and calm. It directly depends on what they have experienced, and sometimes some are forced into it - they refuse the very thought of love adventures. Fear binds you into frames and boundaries, creating an impenetrable wall around you - that same zone. It is she who prevents you from moving forward, keeping you in place. And in order to go beyond its limits, it is worth breaking down your boundaries - and throwing away the fear of the unknown.
Fear and self-doubt
Perhaps a woman or man deliberately refuses a relationship due to their own complexes and fears.
This does not mean that they will remain single for the rest of their lives, it’s just that now is not a good time to build a relationship. First you need to work on yourself. It would be appropriate to visit an experienced psychologist who will help you find the causes of phobias and low self-esteem. Perhaps during the boy’s childhood there was only his father, and his mother abandoned them, running away to another man. In this case, the child may forever remember his mother’s betrayal and not trust women in adulthood.
Fears and complexes as one of the reasons why people avoid relationships
Fight for marriage
In most such situational incidents in family life, psychologists recommend cooling down, calming down, looking at things soberly and making an informed decision. Ardentness, excessive excitement and aggression do not make it possible to draw objective conclusions. As a result, this leads to rash actions and, as a consequence, the dissolution of the marriage when it is still quite possible to save it. What recommendations do specialists follow and what advice do they give to their patients?
- Finding the stumbling block - we have already said that the main and primary task is to identify the prerequisites for the impending divorce. It makes sense to start from the identified reasons and find an adequate way out.
- Analysis of the current circumstances - no matter how complex the trouble that occurred, no matter how difficult it may seem to make a decision, a woman should sensibly assess her emotional state and draw certain conclusions as to why everything happened this way. After all, not always all the blame lies with the man who committed the same betrayal - this may simply be a consequence of the negligence and indifference of his wife towards him. Needless to say, the problem here lies, for the most part, not even in the act of adultery itself, but in the fact that the wife actually pushed the man into infidelity with her own hands. Situations, of course, can be trivial, but the point is that you need to look at the problem from different angles - sometimes unforeseen circumstances may emerge that radically change the essence of the matter.
- A conversation with your spouse is a prerequisite for finding an objectively correct way out of the current state of affairs. Constructive dialogue, an exceptionally calm atmosphere, an even tone and a pragmatic clarification of relationships - this is what should contribute to resolving the conflict between spouses. There should be no expressions, scandals, raised voices, hysterical attacks or insults directed at either side. Otherwise, there is no point in looking for a solution to the issue in other ways. Spouses must learn to communicate in order to re-build tactics of behavior and mutual understanding with each other.
- The choice must be made by both: both the woman and the man. The first must decide whether she is ready to continue family life, despite the thoughts that once visited her about leaving her husband. The second must understand whether he is ready to accept an ultimatum from his wife and submit to her will in order to save the marriage. It’s no wonder that she will present him with a dilemma to solve: quit his bad habits (alcohol or another woman) and try to improve already damaged family relationships, or separate and not torment each other with constant negativity and scandals.
Bad experience in the past
A person who has failed, who is disappointed in the other half and in the relationship as a whole, of course, will not want to suffer again. Letting someone into your life and your heart once again is not easy if they have already been broken once. Why try to waste time and effort if you have to suffer later. Only time and environment can help a person with a broken heart.
Building new relationships will be possible only after old grievances are forgotten
What actions to take
So, a man wants a relationship without commitment. No matter what a woman says, and no matter how hard she tries to keep her face up, it hits below the belt.
What to do, what actions to take so as not to bite your elbows later? Before you make your final decision, remember that this is only your life, so any step for you will be the right one a priori!
All a woman can do in such a delicate situation is:
- try to revive (stir up) the relationship;
- take the same position as a man;
- break off a hopeless romance.
We will not consider the second point seriously, since this is a deliberately losing position. All that a woman will achieve is to relieve a man of the heavy burden of responsibility, making his life even more beautiful. Moreover, she herself will suffer from this - that’s how psychology works.
Haven't met the one
Another reason people don't want to be with someone is because they don't have the right person. Girls are often waiting for a prince, and guys hope to meet an understanding and homely representative of the fairer sex, the image of whom they imagine in their heads. a depicted ideal in real life.
Men and women are disappointed every time they realize that in front of them is an ordinary person with flaws and his own view of the world. The search continues, and the loner gets used to the absence of the other half in his life.
Searching for an ideal invented in your head: a waste of time and effort
Dilemma
One way or another, whatever the reasons for the desire of the fair half to leave her spouse, she always faces a dilemma at such moments: to fight for the marriage or start a new life by breaking the union. A choice will have to be made in any case - whether it was a temporary sensory-emotional clouding, or a desire to return to an ex suddenly appeared. “I don’t want to live with my husband” - such a statement by a woman requires a decision; it cannot remain without taking appropriate measures. She will have to either stop encouraging her husband and file for divorce, or leave her prejudices and try to improve relations with him.
The man doesn't want a relationship
Sometimes it is not easy to understand what a man means when he postpones a date and is late for a meeting. You need to distinguish excuses from the busyness of a person who really cares about you and wants continued communication and intimacy. Several signs by which it is easy to understand that a representative of the stronger sex does not want a relationship:
- He says he doesn't deserve you. This is one of the ridiculous reasons to politely get rid of a woman. If you hear a similar phrase, you should understand that he is not interested in you.
- Too busy. As you know, a person will always find time for what is really important to him. If your chosen one complains about the lack of free time, he probably just doesn’t want to spend it with you.
- Bad player. The representative of the stronger sex does not say that nothing will work out for you and even writes love messages, but he is in no hurry to meet.
- He has more and more new things to do and plans, and he writes to you about how upset he is that you are not together now. Such a loner is simply used to manipulating people; there will be no future with him.
Excuses from a man who refers to his busyness as a sign that he is manipulating you
Be yourself and do as you see fit. You should not listen to public opinion and adapt to someone. If you're comfortable being alone, then so be it! This is your life , everything is in your hands!
More information about why women avoid relationships:
Treatment by a doctor
For symptoms of heterophobia, group therapy has proven itself very well.
In modern society, heterophobia is considered something shameful and is often associated with a person’s secret homosexuality. Because of this, many people suffering from this disorder are afraid to talk about their problem for many years, which is why their quality of life is significantly reduced.
The following techniques help to effectively combat manifestations of heterophobia:
- behavioral and cognitive therapy;
- group therapy, as a result of which the patient can understand that fear is present not only in him, but also in other people;
- psychoanalysis, which allows us to identify the very root cause of the problem (the presence of a traumatic situation that became the impetus for the development of a phobia);
- psychological support from a specialist and loved ones;
- hypnosis according to Erickson, which allows the specialist to identify the very essence of fear, removing it from the patient’s subconscious.
If psychotherapeutic treatment turns out to be ineffective, a specialist may prescribe psychotropic and sedatives to the patient.
Due to the fact that female frigidity and male erectile dysfunction have a psychological cause, symptomatic treatment of these pathologies is not carried out. Once the root cause of the phobia is eliminated, the physiological problems go away on their own.
Personal freedom3
Whatever you say, many homo sapiens prefer independence. This kind of “What I want, I do.” I want to, I work, I want to sleep, I want to go for a walk or to a restaurant, but if I want to, I just lie on the couch watching TV all day.” If the relationship with your partner is serious, it will no longer be possible to behave this way one hundred percent.
In any case, you will have to listen to the opinion of your permanent partner. Not only will you have to agree on your actions, you will also have to report.
Well, at a minimum, you will have to prepare answers to the questions “where were you, why did you stay late and when will you return?” Many people do not like this in a serious relationship.
No responsibility5
This point is similar to the previous one. Only the talk here is not about material spending, but about the investment of feelings - emotions, experiences and responsibility. In an open relationship, all this can be avoided.
Here it's every man for himself. And, if your partner hasn’t called, don’t worry or worry. Maybe he’s busy, maybe he forgot, or maybe he’s just not in the mood to communicate. After all, the main thing in an open relationship is that no one owes anyone anything.
Lack of living together12
The phrase cherished for many with the proposal to move in together should be heard in the first six months of the relationship. If this does not happen, only one conclusion suggests itself - the relationship is flighty and there is no sign of seriousness here.
And the point here is not where the couple will live - with him, with her, or in a rented apartment. The main component of the code phrase is together. After all, with your beloved man (woman) you want to fall asleep and wake up in the same bed, you want to constantly be close, take care of and be surrounded by care. If such desires do not arise, it is quite logical to assume that the relationship is not serious.
Too high demands3
The future soulmate should be no older than 30 years old, have received several higher educations, have their own apartment overlooking the sea and drive an expensive foreign car? Maybe it’s not possible to build relationships because people who meet the desired high standards simply don’t exist at the applicant’s level?
When setting high standards for potential partners, it is worth thinking about the other side of the issue. What can the applicant’s side give? Nothing like this? Then, it’s worth moderating the list of requirements, or meeting them.
A world called Business i
The crazy pace of modern life simply does not leave time to establish normal, human relationships. Romantic relationships, love, business “sharks” simply do not have free time for all this. Moreover, this applies equally to both men and women.
After all, at first glance it seems, so what? How much time does such an elementary feeling as love take? But it turns out that love takes a lot of time. Romantic relationships involve dates, shared lunches and dinners, bouquets (and you also need to have time to buy them). This is no longer taking into account simple communication. Only at first glance it may seem that phone calls do not take much time. In fact, it's the other way around.
And even if you don’t talk to your chosen one for a long time, then a phone ringing at the wrong time can “scare” an important thought. And it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to end a romantic telephone conversation quickly either.
Here's the solution - you need to make acquaintances without serious relationships. Then, they do not oblige you to anything and the same telephone conversation can be ended with a short “I’m busy (busy).” If all the necessary accents of the relationship have been placed correctly, the interlocutor simply has no right to be offended. After all, there shouldn't have been a serious relationship.
