How to recognize the beginning of love. What is the difference between love and infatuation? What is the psychology of these feelings

Greetings, friends!

For centuries, people have been trying to understand what love is, because every person at least once encountered this inexplicable feeling that radically changed his life. But even today, despite centuries of searching, there is no unambiguous and generally accepted interpretation of this concept. However, we will try to give the most accurate definition, consider the 10 main signs of love, and therefore get as close as possible to the true understanding of what love is. Let's begin.

What is love?

Love is a long-lasting and strong feeling of affection, implying sympathy for a person, the desire to be close and experience joint emotions, and also to make him happy.
Anyone who has encountered this feeling knows that love implies the strongest affection. A person in love simply cannot imagine life without someone for whom he has romantic feelings. It is interesting that even today psychologists and other scientists cannot unambiguously explain the nature of love and the mechanisms of its occurrence.

Analyzing the nature of love, psychology considers three key manifestations of this feeling:

1. Internal drug
   . Our well-being and mood are determined by a complex set of chemicals that can influence nerve cells. States of love and falling in love cause powerful releases of substances that make a person happy. The nervous system seems to give us a hint: “Here it is!” You feel good when he's around. Remember this!
2. Nervous disease
   . Despite the surge of energy, it is difficult for a person in love to concentrate, his memory deteriorates, and his actions often become illogical. The brain functions in an unnatural way, preventing a person from fully controlling his own actions.
3. Habit
   . The riot of hormones and neurotransmitters subsides over time. But by this moment people remember with whom they feel good, so they continue to love each other, but with a calmer and more balanced love. At the same time, they begin to act rationally again, and mutual feelings no longer prevent them from working and doing other important things.

How is love different from falling in love?

There are thousands of works in world literature that describe the one and only love of a lifetime. In reality, everything is somewhat more complicated. Almost each of us first experienced romantic feelings back in school, but then connected our lives with a completely different person. This is explained by the fact that in their youth people are inexperienced and often perceive their first crush as love.

What is falling in love, and how does it differ from true love? This is a strong sympathy that arises, as a rule, among teenagers and young people who do not yet have experience in personal relationships. Looking at the guy or girl they like from the outside, they create in their own imagination an idealized image that does not correspond to reality. When the relationship develops, the perfect image collapses and feelings disappear.

An important distinguishing feature of love is the desire to take care of a person, give him all kinds of benefits and provide emotional comfort. And although falling in love is not a selfish feeling, it mainly implies the desire to spend time with a person, and not live for him.

The difference between love and falling in love is best described by a Chinese proverb: “Being in love is when you pick the flower you like and take it away. Love is when you bring water to water it every day.”

Love differs from falling in love by awareness. A person in love does not need an ideal; he is ready to put up with shortcomings. True love “ripes” much longer than falling in love, but it is almost impossible to destroy it with petty misunderstandings. We are ready to forgive a loved one more than ourselves.

Falling in love makes a person idealize the object of his affection, and therefore often becomes the cause of unhappy marriages. Young boys and girls, having fallen in love, do not see any flaws in their chosen ones. They quickly start families, believing that they have already met the love of their lives. But living together very quickly sobers them up, and they realize that they are strangers to each other.

True love changes too. Passion and romance pass, but the couple still maintains affection, respect and other important feelings. The so-called “maturation of relationships” occurs. At the same time, the desire to be together is preserved, friendship and mutual affection are strengthened, and the spouses have no doubt that they have chosen correctly with whom to start a family.

How do lovers behave?

The manifestation of love will be expressed differently in a guy and a girl, a man and a woman. Gender plays a big role in relationships, and this is confirmed by the rules of interpersonal psychology.

Men

Young guys and grown men behave the same way. They strive to please their chosen one, begin to take care of their appearance, and are actively interested in the problems, affairs and hobbies of the woman they like. A man in love begins to show signs of attention. This is not only flowers and gifts, but also the desire to spend as much time as possible in the company of the chosen one. He enjoys communicating and talking with her on various topics.

Not all men are ready to immediately confess and expect reciprocity, but some non-verbal signs indicate their interest. This includes constant eye contact, sexual attraction, and other expressions of affection.

Women

Women in love begin to take an active interest in their chosen one; he becomes the topic of most of their conversations with others. When a girl truly loves, she does not notice the man’s shortcomings and strives to idealize him. All women try to interest their chosen one as much as possible and attract his attention, for example, they begin to take care of him, change their appearance, and often use other methods. True love, even unrequited love, can make a woman happy. This is manifested in changes in her mood, appearance and gaze.

A woman's love for a man

When considering the characteristic features of the manifestation of a woman’s love for a man, we must not forget that there are frequent cases of mistaking a feeling of infatuation for love. This is where the parameters of a woman’s true love for a man will help. A woman's love manifests itself as follows:

1. Filled with inspiration and seems to fly like a butterfly. She doesn’t have rose-colored glasses, she sees everything and clearly understands. The mind is clear and consciousness perceives reality.
2. Ready to give and give. This behavior is typical only for love. A woman is ready to give a man all of herself, completely and without reserve. Dissolve in him, in his life and everyday life. Ready to give joy every day.
3. Never compares her man to anyone. He becomes the center of strength and courage. For her, everyone else is just ordinary people, but he is an object of resilience, confidence and protection.
4. The woman is worried and worried. In a relationship with a man, a loving woman tries to know and understand him more and more. Shows concern and worries in case of a bad feeling.
5. Complete trust. The woman gives the reins of power completely to the man. She trusts and does not allow thoughts of doubt. True love manifests itself in a trusting relationship on both sides.
6. The woman does not lose her head and looks at life soberly. She does not lose her self-esteem, even in moments of complete dedication to her beloved.

Why and for what do they love?

Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!

I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!

One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!

How long does love last?

Due to the fact that the brain is unable to constantly maintain the activity of the areas responsible for maintaining the feeling of falling in love, this condition can last from one and a half to three years. Therefore, the expression “love lives for three years” is not true; it would be more correct to say: love lives for three years, and then love begins (not for everyone).

However, it was found that such a strong feeling can last much longer in the case of unrequited love. The lover seems to be stuck in this feeling and cannot move on. This phenomenon was called “Russian love”, when a woman has been unrequitedly in love for a long time and is therefore lonely and cannot build a new relationship. According to statistics, six percent of Moscow women do not get married precisely because of this phenomenon. By the way, “Russian love” is exclusively for women.

FAQ

Let's look at the most popular questions that people have when building a romantic relationship.

Why and for what they love

It is impossible to give a definite answer to this question. Each of us has an ideal or image, which, when coincident, sends signals to the brain to release love hormones. Probably, for a clearer answer, you should ask your loved one about this. In general, the following factors can be identified:

1. External image. Despite the fact that love itself is weakly connected with a person’s external appearance, since we love the soul, attractiveness for a person is still an important factor. Quite often, your inner qualities are so strong and important for your partner that your image in his head itself acquires the necessary features of attractiveness;
2. Support and understanding. Each of us is looking for a reliable and faithful person in a partner who will “lender a shoulder” at any moment. When a person shows attention to the problems, interests and life of another, this is very impressive and attractive;
3. Care. People strive to be in peace and harmony at home, so care is one of the components of the emerging feeling of love;
4. Self-development and striving for better. The individual is attracted to independent, strong and established individuals who love themselves, are aware of what they are and are trying to improve.

The ideal of love is not always accompanied by positive feelings. If you have had trauma, mostly childhood trauma, you will associate love with a painful image. For example, your mother constantly devalued your aspirations, humiliated you, but at the same time showed love. Most likely, in your partner you will look for a mother figure who will humiliate you and criticize you. It is precisely these negative criteria that will signal the brain about the release of hormones responsible for falling in love and attraction.

What is needed for mutual love to arise?

Unfortunately, it is impossible to force a person to love you. However, according to statistics, the strongest couples are those that arise from long-term friendships. There is no need to try to force a person to like you. You need to work on yourself, and if your partner sees in you the image in your head, then mutual feelings will arise. If not, don’t expose your life to constant suffering, let go of the opportunity to build a relationship with this person and move on.

Don't try to force a person's feelings for you.

How to find love and learn to love

This question is more philosophical. Finding love is, according to many philosophers, the main meaning of human life. However, there should not be any searches as such. There are many stages of socialization in your life - school, university, work, hobby groups, friends, in which you can meet that same person. In our opinion, it is better to adhere to the attitude of fatality in your life. The only thing is that if you lack communication and attention, then don’t sit at home, constantly immerse yourself in new companies and acquaintances, try to make your life more interesting.

Learning to love is a more difficult question. Love does not recognize selfishness, and accordingly you must strive to understand a person and recognize him as a separate, independent person. If you feel indifference to everything, blocking emotions, consult a psychologist. It is a specialist who will allow you to reveal your aspirations for love.

How long does love last?

There is a rather interesting book, “Love Lives for Three Years.” Many people had a negative reaction to this book. However, if we talk about falling in love, it can really last up to three years. We have already said that falling in love is the first stage of love. And it is after this stage that couples most often break up because they cannot overcome their differences.

The period of love is limited to 12-17 months. But depending on the individual person, this period may be shorter – up to 2 months. When endorphins and oxytocin decrease, a person experiences a decline in the emotions that were characteristic of the person at the very beginning. This becomes noticeable externally - the partner begins to show indifference and become irritated over trifles. You both need to strive to solve problems peacefully and come to a compromise in order to build a stronger relationship.

Falling in love can last up to 17 months

Is love at first sight possible?

In this case, it is more correct to talk about falling in love. Falling in love occurs just at first sight. However, a stronger relationship with a person, as already noted, is built only over the years.

Signs of sympathy

A person can feel sympathy for several people at the same time. It occurs immediately after meeting. This is a feeling of affection for a person, which is characterized by the following signs:

• emotional attraction to a person;
• common values, beliefs, interests;
• a positive reaction to the appearance, character traits, behavior of another person;
• goodwill and increased interest;
• feeling of similarity.

Sympathy often arises in friendship, where there is affection between people and pleasure in communicating with each other, but sometimes develops into falling in love.

Signs of falling in love

Falling in love is a very vivid feeling that has the following signs:

1. Falling in love is a feeling that is often called “love at first sight.” This type of romantic emotion is characterized by a strong emotional and physical attraction between one person and another.
2. Falling in love is born when you see another person and begin to admire his appearance, behavior, speech, and so on. Falling in love consists mainly of emotions; with its onset usually comes a feeling of euphoria, a rush of adrenaline. This strong emotional outburst is compared to the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” and is not controlled by the person.
3. A person in love extols the object of his passion, ignoring his shortcomings and exaggerating his strengths. He is overcome by passion, he is fascinated by another person and considers him the limit of his dreams. There is also a desire to like, to become better and to do pleasant things. Falling in love does not necessarily imply the existence of a relationship: you can be unrequitedly in love.
4. Falling in love is based on passion and infatuation, so it often does not last long. Falling in love appears instantly and can just as quickly disappear if interest in a person disappears, or turn into true love. It takes effort from both partners to maintain the spark. People who move from one relationship to another, seeking to constantly feel in love, may lose sight of true love because it takes time to develop.
5. Falling in love is short-lived. There is a saying that love lasts 3 years. In fact, it is not love that lasts this long, but infatuation.
6. Falling in love often manifests itself depending on the partner. You constantly think about your lover, want to be with him as often as possible, abandon other things for his sake, and so on.

Famous psychologists about love

Many psychologists have studied and described this feeling in detail in their works. To better understand what love is, it is worth familiarizing yourself with some interesting thoughts of outstanding authors.

Robert Sternberg (American professor of psychology) identified three main components without which love cannot exist: passion, attraction and responsibility.

Arthur Petrovsky (Soviet and Russian psychologist) said that people in love should be passionate about each other, and sincere feelings are always clearly visible from the outside. He argued that love cannot exist in the presence of even the slightest mistrust. He also believed that for love to exist, actions are required, and feelings alone are not enough.

Erich Fromm (German sociologist and psychoanalyst of the mid-20th century) called love a mutually beneficial commercial alliance. He believed that lovers should give themselves completely to love, giving the maximum to their partner and receiving the maximum in return. And if such an approach to relationships is mutual, then the marriage will be successful, even when the initial passion evaporates. Otherwise, love can immediately be considered failed.

Harry Sullivan (an American psychologist of the early 20th century) believed that true love can only be spoken of when a lover exalts the interests of his loved one over his own.

John Gottman (American psychologist) suggested that one of the worst manifestations of love is the idealization of a partner. True love never clouds your eyes and does not prevent you from seeing the shortcomings of your loved one.

Henry Dix (British psychologist of the mid-20th century and founder of psychoanalytic marital therapy) argued that only indifference can completely and irrevocably kill love.

Esther Perel (a psychotherapist from Belgium and a regular participant in TED conferences) says that to maintain love, it is important to always maintain a sense of self-worth.

Please note that in the above examples, psychologists talk about love as an experience, but do not mention the physiological aspects of this feeling. Moreover, from a scientific point of view, love is a purely physiological process. Attachment to a person is formed and strengthened by the release of special chemicals in the brain that provide pleasure and other sensations.

Love at first sight - is it possible?

In the crowd of people they made eye contact. For a moment, everything around stopped, and my head flashed: “It’s her!”, “It’s him, the one!” They, not noticing anyone around, go to meet each other, and, having met face to face, their lips merge in a kiss. And a romantic melody about eternal love plays in the background.

A familiar scene from a melodrama or fairy tale. In fact, at first sight only strong sympathy is possible, which, subject to reciprocity, can eventually develop into love. The reason for this is the duration of the formation of that same love. It is similar to growing a tree from a seed; it grows and gets stronger for a long time and only with proper care.

In addition, the sympathy that arose from the second or third meeting can also develop into love.

What are the stages of love in a relationship?

The nature of a love relationship between two people can change. This is due to their transition from one stage to another. Each of them can take a different time period. It depends on the temperament of the partners and external factors.

Psychologists identify 7 main stages of love in a relationship:

1. Acquaintance and sympathy. At this stage, partners take a closer look at each other. A mutual attraction arises between them.
2. Falling in love lasts from 1 to 1.5 years. It is characterized by active production of endorphins. Lovers see only positive traits in each other. Rational thinking in this case is blocked.
3. The sobering stage is accompanied by a subsidence of passions. Partners begin to evaluate each other more critically. Each of them comes to the fore with their own interests. At this stage, conflict situations often arise.
4. Comfort zone. Partners get used to each other, it becomes simple and easy for them to be together. They already know how to find compromises when controversial issues arise.
5. The rejection stage develops against a background of monotony. In this case, life is smooth, but physical attraction may fade. Many couples break up at this stage of the relationship. Partners stop seeing the good in each other. They only notice the negative.
6. Revival of feelings. If the couple managed to move through the previous period, their feelings are kindled with a new fire. Romance and reverent attitude towards each other reappear in the relationship. At the same time, family attachment also strengthens.
7. The next stage is mutual respect. It is characterized by complete acceptance of each other's partners. They already know how to smooth out rough edges and value relationships.

The main differences between love and infatuation

People often find themselves confusing infatuation with love, mistaking temporary infatuation for true deep feelings, or missing out on true love in search of permanent passion. To avoid such self-deception, study the following basic differences between love and infatuation:

1. Duration of feelings. Love doesn't happen overnight, it's an ever-growing process. It is predictable and logical, since it arises between family and friends. Falling in love is random, a person never knows when he might fall in love. This feeling appears suddenly, like a flash, but over time it can disappear just as fleetingly. Falling in love does not necessarily last long as it is based on infatuation or passion. A crush can fade quickly, but love grows stronger over time.
2. Perception of disadvantages. Loving people know and accept the shortcomings of their other halves. They are ready to live with a person, accepting him with all his shortcomings. Falling in love blinds people, so they do not notice the shortcomings of the objects of their infatuation and consider them flawless. There is no illusion in love: you love the other person for who he really is.
3. Emotions . When falling in love, people experience a strong emotional outburst, and feelings of love are based on actions. Even though the emotions may be more intense, true love is much stronger than falling in love.
4. The power of feelings. Falling in love is relatively superficial, love is a very deep feeling. Loving relationships are characterized by trust, respect, and devotion, which may not be fully manifested or absent when falling in love.
5. Love is a calmer feeling than falling in love. Falling in love makes you want to spend all your time with a person. Loving means giving personal space to a person and trusting him.
6. Willingness to overcome difficulties. The bond between people in love may not be strong enough to withstand difficulties. The bond between loving people is so strong that it allows them to cope with life's problems and, no matter what, always stay together.
7. Relationship perspective. Falling in love occurs at the initial stage of a relationship, sooner or later it passes. Love is a long-term feeling that does not go away. True love stands the test of time.

Essay on the topic “Test of Love” (Fathers and Sons)

Option 1

I. S. Turgenev tests the heroes with love in every work. Evgeny Bazarov was no exception. A love story helps to reveal the image of the main character more fully.

Bazarov meets Anna Odintsova at the governor's ball, where he arrives with his friend Arkady. Seeing her, he says that she “is not like other women.” Bazarov is distinguished by a simplified, “anatomical” view of women. For the hero, they are just biological objects.

After Odintsova calls Bazarov to her estate, he becomes interested in her and tries to spend all his time with her. Interest in Odintsova becomes a turning point in Bazarov’s fate. Nihilism, which denies love, collides with real life, in which the hero falls in love, but still tries to deny this feeling and suppress it in himself. However, reality defeats theory, and Bazarov falls irrevocably in love.

Odintsova is passionate about Bazarov, she is curious about him. However, cold and reasonable, the heroine is afraid of losing that calm and comfortable life that she valued so much. After all, Bazarov’s passionate love would definitely lead to dissonance in Odintsova’s measured life. Fear and reluctance to change their lives become the reason for the heroes' failed love.

When Bazarov explains to Anna and confesses his feelings to her, she refuses him. This greatly affects the hero’s state of mind. The test of love becomes fatal for Bazarov. All his beliefs are broken, he constantly thinks about Odintsova. And so, experiencing internal torment, the hero decides to treat the man for typhus.

This leads him to infection. Feeling his approaching death, Bazarov wants to say goodbye to his beloved. The author describes this episode not as a meeting of lovers, but as a meeting of a person with a dying relative. Turgenev points out one detail: Odintsova did not even take off her gloves, for fear of getting infected. Most likely, she had no love for Bazarov. The main character understands that now she is driven only by pity for him, and not by love. This is the whole tragedy of the hero: he breaks all his principles for the sake of a woman who does not reciprocate his feelings.

Odintsova is incapable of love. This is also proven by the epilogue of the novel: the heroine marries for convenience.

Having told the story of the failed love of Bazarov and Odintsova, the author shows that one cannot resist human nature. He completely debunks the theory of nihilism.

Turgenev gives the reader the opportunity to reflect on the question of what would happen if love were mutual. Perhaps Evgeny Bazarov would completely retreat from the theory of nihilism and would love life as it is. But there is an option that, having become disillusioned with love, he would strengthen his views on life.

Thus, I. S. Turgenev in the novel “Fathers and Sons” demonstrated that the nihilist Bazarov needs love. His meeting with Anna Odintsova showed that he can truly love. But his relationship with Odintsova was doomed from the very beginning. They flashed brightly, but ended before they even began their development.

Option 2

The relationship between Evgeny Bazarov and Anna Odintsova runs like a red thread through the plot of the novel. From the first pages we learn that the main character does not believe in love, considers everything romantic and ideal “nonsense.” With the help of a love plot, interesting changes occurring in Eugene’s beliefs are expressed. Tendencies towards nihilism and inner callousness lose their strength and power over the hero under the influence of feelings for Anna Sergeevna.

The first meeting of the characters took place at the governor's ball, when their mutual friend, Arkady Kirsanov, introduced the guests to each other. Evgeny, as Arkady noted, was embarrassed when they met, but tried to hide it. Bazarov caught the feeling that had suddenly awakened in him, but decided to ignore the outburst of emotions.

The turning point in the plot was the invitation to stay at the Odintsov estate, addressed to Kirsanov and Bazarov. During their two-week stay, Anna and Evgeniy spent a lot of time together: talking, walking in the forest. It was then that Bazarov fell in love. Nevertheless, he tries to turn away from Anna Sergeevna in order to interrupt the painful feeling of unrequited love.

Evgeny remains confident in his conversation with Odintsova, still denies romance and love, but alone with himself the hero has no right to hide the obvious: he is a romantic at heart and this cannot be changed. Internal experiences and conflicts could not but affect the character of the hero: he becomes irritable, hot-tempered and unpredictable. Unable to resist any longer, Bazarov confesses his love, but Anna is afraid of love, she is not ready to take this dizzying step, which will deprive her life of peace and regularity. Odintsova rejects him.

The love line in the novel could not end differently. Firstly, the heroes have opposing worldviews. Bazarov rejects and despises the values ​​on which Odintsova grew up. Odintsovo’s life is material wealth, stability, confidence in the future, comfort and lack of worries. Evgeniy is a native of the people, a future doctor, a nihilist, a proud, arrogant and harsh person. The luxury of noble life is alien to him, but he loves trials, disputes and difficulties in order to once again prove to himself the superiority of his views and ideas over others. Secondly, Turgenev forces the hero to undergo the test of love in order to show how far Bazarov’s beliefs are from reality. Ivan Sergeevich believes that nihilism is unnatural, it contradicts human nature. Therefore, love changes Eugene, disarms him before the world, turns his soul inside out.

Option 3

The work of Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev “Fathers and Sons” touches on many important issues, the relevance of which cannot be doubted in our time. However, one of the most important aspects of the work is the theme of the love trial of the heroes, which exposes the farthest corners of the human soul and simply opens the eyes to our world - beautiful, complex and amazing.

One of the main characters of the work “Fathers and Sons,” Evgeny Vasilyevich Bazarov, was famous for his rational attitude to life. He was a nihilist, he placed reason rather than feelings in the primary place, he literally “lived” by his favorite activity - the study of medicine, and repeatedly spoke skeptically about poetry, and about novels, and in general about the sensual aspect of human life. Above all, Bazarov valued intelligence, self-sufficiency and determination - everything that his life consisted of before meeting Anna Sergeevna Odintsova.

Anna Sergeevna, a wealthy widow, attracted Bazarov's attention from the very first minutes of their acquaintance. A beautiful, stately, self-confident woman simply could not help but interest Evgeny Vasilyevich. Bazarov fell in love. He fell in love so much and so reverently that he even became disillusioned with his nihilistic views and with his own value system in general. Unfortunately, on Odintsova’s part, sympathy did not develop into either passion or love. The heroine simply wanted peace - a comfortable and measured life, into which Bazarov, with his mental torment and falling in love, simply did not fit in at all.

Perhaps if this love had been mutual, everything would have been different. Evgeny Bazarov would love life as it is - without conventions, without the eternal denial of literally everything in the world. And perhaps Bazarov would have been disappointed in love, and over time he would have only become more entrenched in nihilism. We will never know.

I believe that the test of love that befell Evgeny Vasilyevich Bazarov became one of the most significant moments in his life. A man who spent his whole life paying attention only to the mind, its development and comprehension, for the first time discovered for himself another, completely irrational world - the world of feelings, emotions and mental torment. Perhaps, the meeting with Anna Sergeevna became that turning point in the hero’s life, after which it seemed to be divided into two parts - part “before” and part “after”. Unfortunately, we will not be able to follow Bazarov’s further development, to observe what path in life he would have had to go through if not for his sudden death. This is the drama of the work, as well as the drama of human life itself - a sudden, such an unfair ending.

Test of love by Bazarov and Odintsova

Bazarov is a man of the future, a nihilist to whom romantic manifestations are alien. He does not recognize anyone and has no authorities; for him there is not a single principle to trust. For him, there is only what he can touch with his hands, see with his eyes, and taste. But love and romance are not for him, it’s rubbish. So the writer decides to test the hero Bazarov by introducing him to Odintsova. So what's going on?

This unapproachable nihilist, for whom feelings were alien, who does not believe in love, claiming that romanticism is nonsense, completely changes. Seeing Odintsova and once singling her out from the crowd, Bazarov falls in love. At first he was attracted only by physical beauty, but later, when communicating with the heroine, Bazarov realizes how erudite, interesting and intelligent she is. Unbeknownst to himself, he opens on the other side. Now he is no longer a proud and purposeful person, confident in his abilities. Now this is a person who finds it difficult to maintain self-control and self-control. This is a man whose thoughts are occupied only with Anna Odintsova. Now Bazarov himself experiences the same feelings that he once despised and rejected their existence.

It turns out that the test of love for Evgeny Bazarov and Anna Odintsova became a serious test of loyalty to nihilistic views. So Bazarov loses by opening up to his feelings, but the heroine did not change her usual way of life or sacrifice comfort, so she does not reciprocate Bazarov’s declarations of love. Probably the heroine did not feel a real feeling of love towards the hero, otherwise, it seems to me, she would also be ready to do anything for the sake of love and they would be happy.

But a completely different course of events awaits us in the author’s work. The hero cannot remain true to his beliefs, so when he was rejected, the purpose of life and its meaning were lost for him. He goes to his parents, engages in medical practice, and, having contracted typhus, dies.

Having shown the test of love between Bazarov and Odintsova, the author directly says that it is impossible to resist human nature. He debunks the theory of nihilism. Man by nature is created for feelings, for beauty, for admiration. By rejecting all this, we only doom ourselves to existence, and not to a full life.

The meaning of the phrase “Test of Love” based on the story Asya (I. S. Turgenev)

The phrase “test of love” in my understanding means that if people truly love each other, they will overcome any difficulties and trials that befall them, together, thereby confirming the sincerity and completeness of their feelings, strengthening love. In the work of I.S. Turgenev's "Asya" the main characters really undergo the test of love and, we can safely say that it is this that becomes the most difficult, but also, thanks to this test, not only the essence of Mr. N.N. is revealed, but also the deep and sensual nature of Asya.

Mr. N.N. - a person who is not capable of making any decisions, a person who is a contemplator with a frivolous attitude towards life. And even being in love with Asya, Mr. N.N. does not change its principles. The author somehow mentions a young widow who once abandoned N.N., and it seemed to me that the feelings of the young nobleman were not so truthful, but, on the contrary, were largely feigned, this can be confirmed by how quickly and easily Asya took possession of him thoughts.

Seventeen-year-old Asya, on the contrary, dreams of sublime love, and when she falls in love, she gives herself over to the feeling, expecting the same from her new acquaintance. But, as it turned out, N.N. does not live up to her expectations. Surely N.N. wanted to respond to the girl’s sincere feelings, but the doubts that tormented him did not allow him to shoulder the burden of responsibility for a very young creature. Thus, it can be argued that Mr. N.N. failed to pass the most important and most difficult test - the test of love solely through his own fault.

How to define love and recognize falling in love

Of course, it happens that falling in love develops into love, but for this the person himself must become a little different in the relationship.

A person must “ripe” for love, sometimes this takes several years. At the beginning, in a relationship there may be love, a hormonal surge, a desire to love, everything comes spontaneously and each of us remembers this particular period.

But someday the “rose-colored glasses” fall off, and this is where the partner appears in all his glory. If you don’t push him away at this moment for an “unflattering act” or a mistake, then the relationship can develop into love.

But this doesn't always happen. This is where the period of falling in love ends. You stop idealizing your partner, and what appears before you does not suit you at all. It is here, at this stage, that separation occurs.

You can define love by how often partners hold hands, it warms them and makes them feel the value of a partner nearby; they usually say that “there is a feeling of a shoulder, a support.”

In love you need trust, recognition, respect, the desire to be close always and everywhere, you are passionate about your partner, you are interested in his affairs, work, you share his hobbies and support him in all his endeavors.

Sometimes you can confuse being in love with love. But there are nonverbal signs that can help you avoid making mistakes in this matter.

Nonverbal signs of love in men

• Touching the object of love
• Sometimes deliberate indifference
• Boundless trust
• Showing interest in the woman you love
• Wants the object of his love to be in his field of vision
• Offer to help in all matters
• Unexpected attention and gifts

Feel alive

“To be loved is to feel that you have the right to exist,” said philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre. True love is finding the meaning of your existence in the world.

Love brings us back to childhood, when it gives us the feeling that everything in the world revolves around us. By choosing each other, we make each other special. In a relationship, we give the other person special significance. We recognize his importance: we respect his views and passions, we accept his ideals.

Another person brings us his world, and we give him ours. This allows you to experience new feelings and open new horizons. “Love helps you see all the colors of life,” sums up Monica Schneider. “True love makes you feel alive.”

Nonverbal signs of love in a woman

• Excessive care and guardianship
• Increased attention to your appearance
• “Eyes burn” at the sight of the object of love
• Confusion and shyness
• Mysterious behavior
• Increased attention to men's affairs
• All sorts of niceties and gifts
• Expression of sexuality

Love is a great feeling of attachment and attraction to a person, object or phenomenon. But love, as professional psychologists have established, can only be felt towards a person of the opposite sex.

Now you know how to define love and recognize falling in love. It is worth examining yourself and your feelings, perhaps this is just a passion that will quickly pass. Don't waste your time and energy on this. You need to look for true love, then you will feel peace and harmony in your soul! We wish you GOOD LUCK in this!

HOW TO Distinguish Real Love From Fake Love?

Seeing another person as a mystery

Love is a mysterious feeling. We feel it, but we don't understand it. The force that pulls a person towards is inexplicable. We pursue him not because we like the way he looks, because he is rich or powerful, or because he looks like a parent or significant other. If the union can be explained logically - “she replaced his mother” or “they are together because of money”, there can be no talk of true love. In her case, it is always the mystery that guides us.

“Love appeals to our unconscious: to some childhood experience, loss or longing for what we could not have. It affects that part of the personality that is unknown to us,” explains psychoanalyst Patrick Lamboulay. “That’s why it’s a mistake to think that in a relationship two “halves” should merge and give birth to something whole. It is in this idea that lies the reason why many married couples break up. When a person in a relationship feels understated, he may decide: this is not his soul mate. But this, of course, is not true. To truly love means to always remain intrigued by the mystery of another person.”

Afraid of losing

And all the time. And not only another person, but also yourself, dissolving in him. In The Discontents of Culture, Sigmund Freud explains this phenomenon: “We become dependent on another because we constantly need him to support us in our existence.” Hence the fear of loss.

“Love means taking risks,” explains philosopher and psychoanalyst Monica Schneider. “This feeling is so dizzying that sometimes we are even drawn to reject it in order to protect ourselves from the frightening power of another person over us.”

Freud emphasized that Eros and Thanatos are inseparable: I love you - I destroy you. Eros is our desire to connect with each other. Thanatos is the death drive that pushes us to break this connection so that our “I” remains omnipotent.

If we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in wonderful new territory

“It’s hard to give up on yourself,” explains psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Moskowitz. — Love always brings torment. It affects our very being - what we are in this world. Only a few realize this. When they find themselves alone, they enjoy it because they feel protected. But if we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in a new wonderful territory where feelings are revealed with renewed vigor.”

True love is not a good business deal. A whirlpool of feelings is dangerous for both partners. That's why we often doubt something else. But even if he tries to pull away, this does not always mean that he does not love. Perhaps he is simply afraid of losing himself.

Be ready to take a step into the unknown

In love, nothing is predetermined. No one can guarantee that feelings will be permanent, and that life together will be long and happy. “Love relationships are a special world in which reason does not rule everything,” explains Monica Schneider. “But you shouldn’t set yourself up for the worst.”

Sometimes, due to past experiences of failed relationships, we convince ourselves in advance that we are doomed to suffer. To truly love, you must be able to believe in miracles again, accept the unknown and learn to be patient.”

Feel the desire

Here, at first glance, everything is simple: to love a person means to desire him. Research confirms that physical intimacy helps maintain relationships and does not allow the fire of love to go out. Without an exchange of affection, lovers turn into roommates. You can have sex without love, but when there is love, intimacy gives true pleasure.

If desire wanes, does that mean the relationship is over? Not at all! Our feelings are influenced by many factors, they are cyclical and constantly experience periods of ups and downs. You may not want intimacy right now because you are simply tired, have eaten too much or too little, are stressed, or, conversely, are pleasantly excited about some grandiose changes. “There are days when it’s enough for us to just have our loved one nearby,” explains Monica Schneider.

Psychology: 5 love languages

Approvals, compliments

Words can perfectly express love, everyone needs support and approval - women need praise for their beauty, appearance, culinary abilities, men need approval of their actions, gratitude for their help. A kind word can save a person and support him, but criticism and scolding can cause emotional pain and cause feelings to die.

A positive attitude and kind words evoke a response, a desire to be even better for a loved one, this is the only way to make love stronger and maintain peace in the family . It is also very important to support loved ones in their aspirations, interests, and help develop talents; often one word can help change a life.

A loved one seeks to understand, is interested in the inner world, and is ready to provide moral support. Kind words are not just attention and care, but also the ability to smooth out a conflict, find common ground, understand the cause of another person’s resentment or bitterness, and imagine oneself in a similar situation. In a family, it is better to use requests, because adults are partners, and the demand is more reminiscent of childhood situations - a smart parent and a stupid child.

Nobody likes demands or threats . We try to resolve everything peacefully, ask for help, give arguments when necessary. There is a universal way to improve relationships - notice more positive things, praise each other, approve, refraining from criticism, try to follow this instruction to begin with for a certain period, later a similar attitude will enter becomes a habit, becomes the norm, the level of satisfaction with each other grows, the level of love increases.

Words of approval are important for everyone, they have an especially positive effect on men; they are pleased to feel recognition from the woman they love. From a psychological point of view, love is the ability to notice the good in a person, support them in their aspirations, and treat them kindly and with understanding.

Time together

To maintain and develop love, you need to spend more time together; often, due to workload, spouses do not devote much time to their family. It is important to look for reserves, find time on days off, and organize cultural evenings.

The need for such attention is especially developed in women; words alone are not enough; actions are needed to confirm feelings, the desire to be together. If a woman does not see a man’s desire to be together, to spend time together, then in pursuit of a career there is a high probability of losing a loved one.

Present

Another way to show love. Often courtship is accompanied by the giving of gifts, and in married life this symbolism is often lost. However, gifts are, first of all, a manifestation of attention and care; even an inexpensive item, wildflowers or sweets can evoke positive emotions.

Any gift is a manifestation of love, it’s a pity that many people forget about this over the years of marriage. Giving gifts can be as pleasant as receiving them, because you can see the joy in the eyes of your loved one. At the same time, giving time is often more important than gifts; women often lack attention and understanding, especially during crisis periods of life.

Caring, serving

Another love language that not everyone pays attention to or notices. In fact, any person is pleased when they do something for him, help him around the house, solve his problems, make his house beautiful, make repairs.

Such actions are manifestations of love no less than gifts, because they require time and effort, women and men appreciate such an attitude. From a psychological point of view, love is doing selfless things that please your loved one and bring pleasure.

Physical contact

Hugs, touches and kisses are always needed, after marriage it is even more important to feel the expression of love through affection, especially for women. It is believed that intimate intimacy is enough for men. Perhaps, but everyone needs attention. For many, real feelings involve the need to feel closeness, to hug a loved one, to feel their breath and presence in life nearby.

Love from a psychological point of view is the ability to share one’s tenderness and feelings on a physical and spiritual level. The psychology of love and sex gives priority to building harmonious intimate relationships, but a family is a complex of interactions, even a beautiful mistress will not keep her husband if there is no human communication and understanding. Therefore, ideal spouses are friends, partners, lovers and just close people.

Thus, there are basic manifestations of love, each person experiences his own needs in relationships, it is important to be able to understand one’s own love language and that of a loved one in order to strengthen and develop relationships. Listen to what your spouse or husband is saying - is there not enough time together, communication, affection, gifts or words of approval?

Typically, misunderstanding is due to the fact that a person expresses feelings in his own language, and his partner has other needs. It is worth being more attentive to understand how best to show your feelings and please your loved one.

Acceptance of character and habits

It is impossible to find an ideal person or someone who has identical qualities. All couples have both common features and different, even opposite ones. It can be difficult to get along with some of the characteristics of a new partner. But loving people treat this as adequately as possible.

“You have disadvantages, but they are acceptable to me” - this is the phrase of a truly in love person. Why is that? He:

1. clearly sees all the shortcomings and bad habits, and does not idealize the character, attributing non-existent qualities;
2. does not try to change, “train”, re-educate, “correct” the partner;
3. soberly evaluates negative traits, seriously considering whether he can continue to live normally with them.

If at least one of these three points is not realized, then other feelings are involved in such a couple - passion, love, dependence, worship, etc.

Ability to resolve conflicts

A relationship in which love arises is not a stage. There is no place for dramas, overblown tragedies, or acting skills. If such a couple has a problem, she prefers to solve everything peacefully. Peaceful means without throwing knives and plates, playing games of silence, visiting parents, throwing things over the balcony and screams that only the deaf cannot hear.

These partners will resolve conflicts through conversations, attempts to understand each other, and find a common mutually beneficial solution.

Another fact: the prerequisites for quarrels are inevitable. Two people, different in character, upbringing, views, trying to share housing, everyday life, will sometimes encounter differences and misunderstandings. This is fine. If there are no disagreements at all in a relationship, this means that people hush up their dissatisfaction or live not with the partner himself, but with invented fantasies about him.

Duration of relationship

Love is clearly not a feeling that arises in a couple of days. To say “I love” with confidence, you will first have to thoroughly study the person next to you. See how angry he gets, sad, what he does when he’s bored, who he calls first to share his joy. Right down to what dreams he has and what brand of toothbrush he prefers.

Only when many joyful and not so joyful situations have been experienced together, the strengths and weaknesses of the individual have been identified, can one think seriously about the cherished three-word phrase. Everything else up to this point is part of the imagination, which will evaporate as soon as life presents a serious test.

How to figure out whether you love or not

It is difficult for an emotional and responsive person to separate sympathy from the desire not to offend, compassion from pity, and fleeting infatuation from the mood for long-term communication. Most psychologists advise turning on your imagination and imagining any unfavorable situation, from illness to fire. If the willingness to be there, help and support remains, then no other comments are required. Only those who do not give up in the face of difficulties, even imaginary ones, can say with confidence that they have found their soul mate in the universe.

Stability of feelings

How do quarrels with parents most often occur?

“I was offended, I feel bad, but I still love my mom and dad. If they suddenly get into trouble, I will come to the rescue, despite all the disagreements.”

How do quarrels happen between lovers who have recently found each other?

“Should we break up? What if this is not my person? Do I even need it? If he starts asking for help now, I’ll proudly turn around and leave. Let him get out on his own!”

Can you feel the difference? Love is a stable phenomenon. It doesn't go away, it doesn't diminish because of a few disagreements or problems. What disappears after the first difficulties is just a temporary hormonal surge, and not deep intimacy.

Short description

If we talk about what love is briefly and clearly, then there are many statements and definitions. I present to your attention some of them.

• It is a bright, selfless feeling. She is touching and tender, fragile, the best thing that can happen to you on Earth.
• This is the most emotional thing that can happen to a person.
• This is the desire to make someone happy.
• It's an exciting feeling, it's sweet and warm.
• Love is a feeling of deep sympathy.
• This is what makes you live and enjoy your existence.
• It changes from the inside, makes a person better.
• Love does not ask for anything in return, it is selfless.
• This is the best way to motivate and improve yourself.

Development

Relationships between loving partners do not stand still. They are looking for new and better ways to cope with life's challenges, spend time together, and express feelings in different ways.

Moreover, love experiences do not overshadow other areas of life.

Are you familiar with the situation when a person’s thoughts are so occupied that it makes it impossible to work? Or communicate with friends for a long time without mentioning your object of adoration with or without reason? Or devote time to your own hobbies, not imagining how great it would be to do the same thing, but together?

This is love. It clouds your mind, distracts you from your work, and creates the impression that everything else doesn’t matter. And this is a mistake. Because all areas are equally significant. And it is true love that understands and accepts this fact.

Responsibility

If a loving man decides to stay with friends after work, he will definitely inform his wife about this. Not because of the “heel”. But because he understands: his wife will worry about his long absence. Or perhaps she will wait a long time, not going to bed or having dinner without him.

If a girl wants to buy herself another dress, realizing that the budget is limited and her boyfriend urgently needs a new shirt, she will hold off on buying her item. Because he knows: she still has several dresses, but his old clothes are no longer good for anything and clearly require updating.

To love means to accept responsibility for the feelings and well-being of your partner.

The actions of a loving person do not contradict the main principles of her couple. She respects the opinion of her loved one and always takes him into account. “Will I hurt you?”, “Will this be good for us?”, even “How will this affect his/her image?” — phrases that indicate love.

Self-sacrifice

To the question “How does maternal love manifest itself?”, we can answer that for the most part it manifests itself in self-sacrifice. Only a mother is able to fully understand, forgive and support her children, despite life circumstances. She is ready to give her last to help her child, she is ready to give her life for him. Such boundless love is not uncommon; for a mother, first of all, the life and well-being of her children is important. She invests all her strength to educate and raise worthy citizens of her Fatherland, worthy of her children. Child and mother are interconnected:

• family ties;
• heart;
• soul.

For a child, the mother personifies all the kindness and affection of the world, and the mother is attached to the child and feels him at a distance. Separation is difficult for her, and a long absence of news about the child dooms the mother to suffering and melancholy.

There is another kind of maternal love, excessive and unacceptable. Due to excessive care and guardianship, a child can grow up spoiled, lazy and not independent. But, first of all, education should be aimed at adapting a person to society.

Falling in love or mental disorder?

Anyone who has experienced falling in love or suffered from unrequited feelings has probably more than once caught himself thinking about mental illness or the development of manic dependence on an object. This is partly true! No matter how strange and frightening it may sound, psychotherapists, studying chemical reactions in lovers, compared the indicators with patients who are being treated in a mental hospital.

Judging by the signs of a man in love, love resembles drug addiction and neurotic disorders. How not to be upset by unrequited love or not sleep at night if the object of passion does not pay attention and spends time with others? No matter how frightening the doctors’ conclusions may sound, everyone wants to experience all the signs of falling in love at absolutely any age and immerse themselves in the world of sweet dreams and daydreams.