Each of us has spoken words of love to another person at least once in our lives. However, few people have thought about what this emotion means from a psychological point of view. But love is considered one of the most powerful human feelings.
In the article we will look at what love is from the point of view of psychology, its components and signs, what kind of love there is, how it differs from passion, love and affection, the stage of development of love in a relationship.
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Signs of sympathy
A person can feel sympathy for several people at the same time. It occurs immediately after meeting. This is a feeling of affection for a person, which is characterized by the following signs:
- emotional attraction to a person;
- common values, beliefs, interests;
- a positive reaction to the appearance, character traits, behavior of another person;
- goodwill and increased interest;
- feeling of similarity.
Sympathy often arises in friendship, where there is affection between people and pleasure in communicating with each other, but sometimes develops into falling in love.
Platonic relationship between women
Sensual attraction between women may well exist without intimacy and eroticism. Moreover, it often has an authoritarian, dominant character, when one of the women is older or has more significant authority or social position.
This situation often stems from a problematic relationship with a mother who paid insufficient attention, praised her little, and criticized her daughter. Therefore, the girl wants to receive “compensation” in the form of tenderness and sympathy from another woman who can become a mentor, “guardian” regardless of age or social status.
Signs of falling in love
Falling in love is a very vivid feeling that has the following signs:
- Falling in love is a feeling that is often called “love at first sight.” This type of romantic emotion is characterized by a strong emotional and physical attraction between one person and another.
- Falling in love is born when you see another person and begin to admire his appearance, behavior, speech, and so on. Falling in love consists mainly of emotions; with its onset usually comes a feeling of euphoria, a rush of adrenaline. This strong emotional outburst is compared to the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” and is not controlled by the person.
- A person in love extols the object of his passion, ignoring his shortcomings and exaggerating his strengths. He is overcome by passion, he is fascinated by another person and considers him the limit of his dreams. There is also a desire to like, to become better and to do pleasant things. Falling in love does not necessarily imply the existence of a relationship: you can be unrequitedly in love.
- Falling in love is based on passion and infatuation, so it often does not last long. Falling in love appears instantly and can just as quickly disappear if interest in a person disappears, or turn into true love. It takes effort from both partners to maintain the spark. People who move from one relationship to another, seeking to constantly feel in love, may lose sight of true love because it takes time to develop.
- Falling in love is short-lived. There is a saying that love lasts 3 years. In fact, it is not love that lasts this long, but infatuation.
- Falling in love often manifests itself depending on the partner. You constantly think about your lover, want to be with him as often as possible, abandon other things for his sake, and so on.
Would you like to be together for the rest of your life?
We can't imagine the rest of our lives without the one person? Through the eyes of our imagination, do we see how in fifty years we will be watching our grandchildren, sitting in comfortable chairs and holding hands? This is Love.
Knowing these signs and extrapolating them to your feelings for your partner, you can easily understand who is in front of you: another hobby or the one you have been waiting for all your life.
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Signs of love
- Love is a long gradual process. It can begin with friendship, sympathy or love, but it is a deeper, more reliable and lasting feeling.
- Love is based more on actions than emotions. During this period, people already know well what will make their partner happy. And through their actions they show their love: they care, take responsibility for the family, and so on.
- A person is consciously in a love relationship with a loved one; his feelings arise from the depths of his soul, and not from strong passion or infatuation. Affection, mutual trust, respect, and devotion arise between loving people.
- Feelings that encourage you to care about another person and take into account his interests. True love means the willingness to live with a person without trying to change him in accordance with your ideal.
- Love is the result of deeply getting to know each other, understanding the pain points and “angles” of the partner’s character, and intentionally building communication in such a way that it proceeds with maximum pleasure and efficiency for both.
How to maintain a platonic relationship
Any person becomes a poet when he is in love.
Plato
It is very simple to continue a platonic relationship - to react in accordance with the expectations of the carrier; for some individuals, it is enough to occasionally receive calls or messages to feel special and unsurpassed.
To correspond to the “ideal”: it is not difficult to guess which actions or character traits cause delight and euphoria, and which ones contradict the system of symbols and make one despondent.
After all, “Platonists” are subject to spontaneous, emotional impulses, tend to mystify any phenomenon, give it a secret, sacred meaning, even if it is just a dried flower from a herbarium, left as a keepsake, for them it is the mystery of the universe and the highest degree of bliss.
Read How long does falling in love last and when does true love begin?
The main differences between love and infatuation
People often find themselves confusing infatuation with love, mistaking temporary infatuation for true deep feelings, or missing out on true love in search of permanent passion. To avoid such self-deception, study the following basic differences between love and infatuation:
- Duration of feelings. Love doesn't happen overnight, it's an ever-growing process. It is predictable and logical, since it arises between family and friends. Falling in love is random, a person never knows when he might fall in love. This feeling appears suddenly, like a flash, but over time it can disappear just as fleetingly. Falling in love does not necessarily last long as it is based on infatuation or passion. A crush can fade quickly, but love grows stronger over time.
- Perception of disadvantages. Loving people know and accept the shortcomings of their other halves. They are ready to live with a person, accepting him with all his shortcomings. Falling in love blinds people, so they do not notice the shortcomings of the objects of their infatuation and consider them flawless. There is no illusion in love: you love the other person for who he really is.
- Emotions . When falling in love, people experience a strong emotional outburst, and feelings of love are based on actions. Even though the emotions may be more intense, true love is much stronger than falling in love.
- The power of feelings. Falling in love is relatively superficial, love is a very deep feeling. Loving relationships are characterized by trust, respect, and devotion, which may not be fully manifested or absent when falling in love.
- Love is a calmer feeling than falling in love. Falling in love makes you want to spend all your time with a person. Loving means giving personal space to a person and trusting him.
- Willingness to overcome difficulties. The bond between people in love may not be strong enough to withstand difficulties. The bond between loving people is so strong that it allows them to cope with life's problems and, no matter what, always stay together.
- Relationship perspective. Falling in love occurs at the initial stage of a relationship, sooner or later it passes. Love is a long-term feeling that does not go away. True love stands the test of time.
Falling in love or infatuation: how long will it take?
However, if we are dealing with infatuation and not love, after a month we should be completely “cured” of it. The person we thought was the love of our lives suddenly becomes... ordinary and even boring. We stop understanding why we were so crazy about him before. However, sometimes this does not happen - and then we are dealing with love. How to recognize true love? Find out!
Similarities between love and infatuation
The main similarities between these feelings:
- the presence of strong sympathy for a person, attraction;
- fear of parting with the chosen one;
- fear that something might happen to him;
- desire to help, support;
- the desire to be a confidant for the chosen one.
Love and infatuation have a lot in common because they have a common basis and common goals, but it depends only on the couple how long the feelings will last and what they will bring with them.
What does it mean?
It's normal and natural to feel terrible after a breakup. The chemical effect of love is similar to drug intoxication, and separation is similar to the withdrawal syndrome of an addict in the absence of a dose of a substance that usually provides a high level of dopamine. They say they experience approximately the same longing for cocaine after parting with it.
Our brains are quite capable of coping with both addiction and breakup. He just needs time. Don't rush yourself: you can process your emotions as long as you need to.
In a survey I conducted for my Telegram channel, 58% of people reported that they had lost a loved one one to five years ago, while 66% of respondents noted that they still felt pain.
Consider this an illness from which you need to recover (by the way, severe stress actually leads to a drop in immunity and increases the risk of contracting all sorts of viruses in addition to reactive depression).
Understanding that some of these heartbreaking feelings are not in the soul, but in the body, gives some relief and a sense of control. We can more or less control our body and make it experience a little less stress and get a little more pleasure.
There is no need to undermine the already unbalanced reward system with alcohol and drugs (at least, it is better to know the limits of drunken grief if you couldn’t resist). Help your dopamine. Of the useful entertainments, he most likes movement, knowledge and the fulfillment of small short-term goals. The reward system will reward you with a boost for making and following through on plans, whether it's cleaning the house, watching those long-postponed movies, trying to go for your first run in three years, or even clearing out the spam in your inbox until it's completely empty.
This is why many people, after a breakup, make amazing personal progress in sports and education, because they free up a large resource of attention and motivation.
Communication with a close circle helps to get a little joy and peace: family, friends, like-minded people - the brain “loves” social acceptance. And, of course, we must not forget about healthy relaxation methods: walks in the fresh air, massage, meditation and various relaxation techniques.
What is this feeling: love or infatuation?
Based on the results of numerous studies, psychologists have identified the top factors that help a person, in theory, distinguish falling in love from love:
- Idealizing a partner is a sure sign of falling in love. A person in love never takes offense at the object of his love and is ready to forgive all shortcomings in the character and actions of his loved one.
- A difficult breakup. Lovers endure short-term separation painfully; long-term separation can kill this feeling.
- The desire to own a person. People tend to feel jealous. It appears because a person wants to possess the object of his love undividedly.
- Suddenness of sensations. This mainly concerns “love at first sight”. Despite the name, a person still experiences love. Feelings come suddenly and cause severe emotional shock.
If a person decides to identify relationships through tests, then this is an inherently bad idea. Feelings can only be determined by the internal sensations and emotionality that a person experiences for his soulmate.
If a man shows platonic feelings for a woman
Psychologists and sexologists highlight some reasons for a man to form platonic love outside of the erotic scenario:
- low self-esteem, inability to take real action;
- lack of sensory experience, desire to preserve pristine freshness;
- romantic exaltation of a woman, misunderstanding of her true nature.
Such examples of platonic love are good only in creativity and art; in real life, they more often cause surprise and even bewilderment, an assumption of male incompetence or impotence.
Although sometimes it is enough to show minimal attention and support to turn a modest stream of platonic feeling into a passionate stream of true love.
So ladies, take a closer look at your surroundings, suddenly there is a true admirer and admirer of your inexhaustible talents next to you.
Social background of separation
You may feel discomfort and even shame when explaining to people you know that you and your partner have broken up. You have to face not only internal uncertainty, but also external uncertainty: the future you planned will never happen again - just as the image of your future self has disappeared forever.
I. Uncertainty and fear of loneliness
All these worries have only an indirect relation to love and its loss. We feel similar stress when we graduate from school or college, lose a job, or move to another country. Uncertainty is the main stress factor here. Our brain is generally not very adapted to uncertainty and suddenness, but any novelty soon becomes commonplace for it.
But uncertainty guarantees you freedom of action. The period after breaking up with a long-term partner is one of the most fruitful for reassessing values and setting new goals, because at such a moment a huge number of obligations are removed from you, and you now have more maneuver to radically change your life.
We may be troubled by the fear of loneliness. It may seem like we will never be able to love again or be happy. Pictures of happiness, success and established life can overwhelm the assertion of the superiority of paired creatures over single ones. Watching popular movies about love only exacerbates the feeling that something has gone wrong in your life.
II. "Fake Love"
The main mistake we make when thinking about past happiness is the pop culture version of love that is demonstrated in popular films, songs and fairy tales. Love should be stable, equal, begin with passion, quickly result in a wedding (or the formation of a modern monogamous couple) and then last forever.
It seems to us that if our love ended, then it was a fatal mistake and generally not true love. This statement is false.
Love is valuable as an experience: the experience of knowing another, oneself, the experience of overmotivation and caring-inspired actions, the experience of accepting another - and being accepted by others. This is a unique experience that will stay with you even many years after your pain has gone and you have forgotten many of the details that you remember now. The end does not diminish the value of love in the same way that the death of a person does not diminish the significance of those actions and feelings that he performed and experienced while alive.
The brain is plastic. It responds to intense experiences and adapts to them. The storm of emotions passes gradually, because if you suddenly interrupt the entire complex chemical process that occurs in the brains of two people in a couple, you can cause serious harm to the entire system. She must come to balance on her own and is quite capable of this.
