What is sympathy: 5 main signs, differences from love

Existence without love is meaningless. Even if people claim that they do not need love at all, the reality is somewhat different. This is simply a defensive reaction of a person who has never encountered a great feeling and does not know what it is like. Every person wants to love and be loved, but the desire to meet a soul mate often leads to disastrous results. Hoping to find happiness, people can confuse ordinary sympathy with true love.

Many films have been made about love, countless books have been written, but no one still knows how to correctly recognize this feeling. A bad experience can lead to disappointment in life. In order to protect yourself from unnecessary shocks, you need to be able to soberly assess the situation.

What is sympathy?

Sympathy is a stable, favorable attitude towards someone or something. The object of sympathy can be a specific person, a certain social group or a community of people. Its main manifestations are friendliness, goodwill, affection, a sense of emotional kinship, the desire to communicate and spend time together.

The term "sympathy" is derived from the Greek word συμπάθεια (sympatheia). In Greek, this word denotes an emotional predisposition towards a person, due not to external attractiveness, but to spiritual qualities.

Sympathy arises for various reasons. These could be common interests, views on life, values or moral principles. The emergence of sympathy is facilitated by attractive appearance, pronounced feminine or masculine features (even if we are talking exclusively about friendly sympathy). Often the reason for sympathy is the presence of a common feature of appearance (especially if we are talking about some unusual feature).

The opposite feeling to sympathy is antipathy - a persistent dislike of someone or something. Personal sympathy in the absence of reciprocity often turns into antipathy.

Sympathy can be romantic in nature and over time develop into love or infatuation. But in general, this is simply a good attitude, implying a positive perception of another person and not depending on his gender and age. One form of sympathy is attraction - interpersonal attraction that makes people want to spend time together and engage in joint activities (for example, work together).

Stages of love

Before sympathy develops into true love, a couple has to go through several stages.

Strong attraction usually turns into satiety. A series of quarrels and insults may follow. During these periods, partners first notice each other's shortcomings and decide whether to put up with them or not.

When the stage of quarrels ends, a new one will begin. During this period, it is important to learn to meet your partner halfway and find a compromise together.

Lovers must understand that even in a fit of rage they cannot insult each other; respect must be mutual.

We must learn to appreciate our partner and look at the world from different perspectives. It is at such moments that a guy and a girl learn to love each other.

Signs of sympathy

The presence of sympathy is usually clearly visible from the outside, since a person involuntarily demonstrates its main signs. Most often it manifests itself in the form of actions such as:

Attentiveness. If we like another person, we treat him more attentively than others. We notice all his actions, readily answer his questions, laugh at his jokes and surround him with care. These manifestations of sympathy are clearly visible from the outside, which is why they are often used in films and TV series to create comic scenes. If you notice that a new acquaintance is attentive to your words and actions, this also means that he likes you.
Initiative in communication. Feeling sympathy, a person looks for reasons to communicate and spend time together. He tries to spend more time with the object of his affection, periodically reminds him of himself, takes the initiative, offering to meet or go somewhere together.
Demonstration of a sense of humor. Appropriate jokes are one of the best ways to “build rapport.” Therefore, trying to please the object of their sympathy, people begin to joke more and attract attention to themselves. But since not everyone knows how to make appropriate jokes, quite often the effect turns out to be the opposite (which is also often used in films).
Seeking advice. People tend to trust those they like. So if someone you've met relatively recently comes to you for advice, it means they like you. At a minimum, he trusts you, and your opinion is important to him. In addition, if a person is clearly looking for a reason to chat with you, this also indicates sympathy on his part.
Willingness to help. People generally enjoy helping those they like. Sometimes, for the sake of such help, a person is even ready to sacrifice his own interests. It happens that helping a person against one's own interests can cause discomfort, but in this case it does not work. As a rule, a person can easily hurt himself a little in some way in order to help someone he likes, and will only experience a feeling of joy from this.

Obviously, there are many more signs of sympathy. But these 5 are the most obvious and most common. Having memorized them, you will be able to notice that someone you know liked them. In addition, these signs can also be used to subtly demonstrate your own benevolence to someone else.

Love

The above quote from Erich Fromm also has a continuation. And it's about describing the feeling of true love: "Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'

Love grows out of falling in love, but has very little in common with it. True love is in the spirit of giving. A loving person cannot feel good if the one he loves feels bad. True love is sincere and selfless. She does not require constant proof of love from her partner. She doesn't make demands or set conditions. A loving person is able to accept his partner for who he is. It is worth noting that true love is not blind

. She sees her partner's shortcomings, but treats them with respect. And all because a loving person tries to comprehend the personality of his partner and learn about the smallest features of his character.

Falling in love does not strive for such knowledge. She is too busy with herself - with her feelings and experiences. Being in love sees your lover or beloved only through the prism of your worldview.

But people are all very different! So it turns out that after a while, falling in love passes and both partners understand that they are complete strangers. After all, each of them saw in each other not a truly personality, but only the ideal image of a personality that had formed in their heads. The proverb “love is evil and you will love a goat” did not appear out of nowhere. Only we are not talking about love here, but about falling in love.

It’s quite easy to check your feelings for a person if you clearly understand the boundaries between sympathy, infatuation and love.

1. If, when communicating with your partner, you prefer to talk about yourself and your successes, this is sympathy or falling in love. If you are determined to know the personality of your partner, then this is love.

2. If you constantly need to receive evidence of your partner’s love - gifts, increased attention, care, etc. - this is falling in love. Love is self-sufficient and does not require any sacrifices on the part of its chosen one.

3. A loving person is determined to give. His contribution to the development of his partner’s personality is important to him. A lover, on the contrary, will try to get from his partner everything that he can give him (prestige, social status, material wealth, etc.).

In conclusion, I would like to note that the ability to sympathize and fall in love is available to absolutely everyone. But only an emotionally mature person can fully comprehend the art of love.

Factors of sympathy

Sympathy arises under the influence of a large number of different reasons. Psychologists consider the following factors to be the most important:

Similarity. The phrase “you and I have a lot in common” is one of the most common declarations of affection. Our psyche is structured in such a way that we like people who are similar to us. And the less often a common trait occurs, the stronger the sympathy it evokes. However, this does not necessarily have to be some kind of physical feature. In particular, sometimes people who have the same birth dates become friends.
Social and territorial proximity. With the advent of the Internet, distance has ceased to be an obstacle to friendship and even to love. And yet sympathy more often arises in relation to those who are nearby. In addition, the emergence of sympathy is influenced by belonging to the same social group, work in the same field, a common profession, the same tastes in music and other unifying factors.
Reciprocity. Sympathy is a mutual feeling. If we know that another person likes us, we begin to like him back. Conversely, if our sympathy does not resonate with another person, it weakens and may disappear completely over time. Of course, everyone knows about the existence of unrequited love. But in the case of ordinary sympathy, regardless of its nature, such situations are practically excluded.
External attractiveness. The phrase “appearance is not the main thing” is said quite sincerely by many people. And yet its influence cannot be completely ruled out. External attractiveness is an important factor on which depends whether sympathy can arise at all. And even if we are talking about ordinary friendship, we still prefer to have people nearby who are attractive in a universal and aesthetic sense.

From a psychological point of view, these four factors are fundamental. If you know and use them correctly, it will be much easier to please another person.

Love

True love between a man and a woman is the highest form of expression of feelings. But it should be noted that not everyone is able to achieve true love. Love has a number of distinctive features, which together prevent it from being confused with any other feeling:

the physical imperfections of a loved one are perceived as an integral part of him and even a kind of “zest”;
the spiritual qualities of a partner are also highly valued;
existing shortcomings are taken for granted, without the desire to immediately eliminate them;
a high feeling can “ripe” for years, because it is based on spiritual closeness that arises after a long acquaintance;
separation is very difficult, because you don’t want to part with your loved one for a long time, but no distance can destroy a real feeling;
love reveals all the most beautiful qualities of people, pushing them towards self-improvement and the fight against internal shortcomings;
the feeling does not go away suddenly, it connects people with an invisible thread for many years and helps to overcome all adversity and sorrow;
people are able to make concessions and find a compromise;
love always goes hand in hand with respect and mutual understanding, it is selfless, it is impossible to love for the sake of any benefit.

Differences between sympathy and falling in love

The main difference between sympathy and love or falling in love is that it does not imply obligatory attachment. We may sympathize with someone from a distance or seek a way to get closer to that person in order to build a friendship or romantic relationship with them. But if for some reason it doesn’t work out to get close, it won’t cause much upset. At the same time, such feelings as falling in love and love urgently require the development of relationships.

For example, if a man liked a woman, he develops sympathy. He is interested in getting to know her better and getting to know her better, he wants to communicate with her and, perhaps, get closer. But if it doesn’t work out to build a relationship, he won’t be upset, but will invite another woman he likes on a date. If he experiences love, or at least falling in love, he will put much more effort into building a relationship, and if it fails, he will experience painful discomfort and disappointment.

Happy ending

Correctly assessing the situation, you can avoid dashed hopes and disappointments. Often, supposed love can turn out to be sympathy or develop into a strong friendship. However, it should be remembered that excessive caution can also lead to negative consequences. In matters of the heart, you should trust only yourself and not listen to the opinions of others.

Don’t be afraid to make a mistake; the main thing is to always be aware of your own actions. Sympathy is a slight feeling that can appear suddenly and disappear in the same way. But love is something else that is not given to every person. Only by listening to your heart can you find out the true nature of your feelings.

Types of sympathy

Sympathy is a multifaceted concept that has a large number of different forms of manifestation. Both the subject and the object of sympathy can be an individual person, or it can be a group of people. For example, a certain social group may sympathize with a certain politician (political sympathy). And one fan can simultaneously sympathize with the entire sports team.

If we are talking about the sympathy of one person for another, this is personal (or interpersonal) sympathy. There are usually 2 distinctly different forms:

Physical sympathy. This is a predisposition caused by attractive appearance, beautiful figure, clothing style, well-groomed appearance, pleasant voice, smell and other physical signs that form the first impression.
Spiritual sympathy. This is sympathy that arises on a deeper level when people discover the similarity of their interests, views and moral principles. It can become the basis for both friendly and romantic relationships.

Also, examples include audience and reader sympathy (goodwill on the part of viewers or readers towards a participant in the show who did not win, or a minor character in a film or book). Sympathy can be one-sided (towards a favorite artist) or mutual (between friends). Depending on the subject, sympathy can be personal, public or popular.

Love

This is a feeling, an emotion that stands out for its brightness and manifests itself as follows:

Often, falling in love is characterized as “love at first sight.” During this feeling, a person feels his attraction, both physical and emotional, towards the person.
The feeling of falling in love very much depends on the emotions received from the object. We begin to admire his appearance, style of speech, gait, and so on. When communicating with such a person, we experience euphoria and are fueled by an influx of adrenaline. This phenomenon is beyond human control.
When we are subject to such a feeling, we begin to idolize our person, not noticing his minuses. We are completely fascinated by him, considering him an ideal in literally everything. There is a very good positive aspect of this kind of feeling. We ourselves want to become better in order to match the desired partner. Although falling in love does not always go hand in hand with relationships.
It is rare that love lasts a long time, since it is driven by passion and emotions from a person’s hobbies. It can flare up unexpectedly, and also go out. Perhaps it can grow into something more beautiful. This also should not be ruled out. In order for your feeling of being in love to develop into a real feeling of love, you need to make an effort for this. But many do not want to do this or are simply lazy, which is why they amuse themselves in constant search for such sensations, missing out on true feelings.
The feeling of falling in love is short-lived. There is a saying: “love lasts three years.” This is actually a saying about falling in love.
The saddest thing is that falling in love often manifests itself when one person becomes dependent on another. Thoughts about his partner do not leave him. There is a constant desire to be near, you want to completely dissolve in the object of adoration.