At the educational festival “Campus”, which was held by "Paper", Nadezhda Nartova, a researcher at the Center for Youth Research at the National Research University Higher School of Economics, gave a lecture “When to start putting on makeup and retiring: why are Russian women in a hurry to grow up?”
Why do young people want to be adults, how does the cult of thinness manifest itself, how are the requirements for relationships and planning changing, and what is now included in the concept of adulthood? “Paper” talked to Nadezhda Nartova about the principles and models by which modern young people live.
Why young people want to be adults
Teenagers want to grow up and gain adult status so that they can be taken seriously. This status gives them the opportunity to speak as equals, rather than being seen as insufficiently competent, without a voice or rich life experience. It is important for them to be recognized as such.
Age is a hierarchical space. The older you are (but also up to a certain limit), the higher your status, since it is assumed that you have richer life experience, higher social achievements, and so on. At first glance, we cannot guess whether a person has rich life experience or not, so we rely on our identification of his age. We look at how a person looks and assign him to one age group or another.
Sometimes we find it funny when teenagers try to look like adults. I would like to ask: why? If a chronologically adult person does not need to do anything special to be considered an adult by others because he looks like one, then adolescents often have to make an effort to look older for the sole purpose of being accepted as an adult. This means gaining the right to vote, respect and treatment as an equal in interaction.
Causes of mental deviation
Among the factors that influence the occurrence of mental pathology are the following:
- genetic predisposition to the disease. In approximately half of cases, mental retardation is inherited;
- chromosomal disorders, gene abnormalities, their mutation due to radiation, infectious diseases, maternal use of toxic substances during gestation;
- severe labor, which led to injury to the child (especially in the case of head injury), asphyxia, cerebral hypoxia;
- premature birth;
- infectious diseases affecting the central nervous system;
- lack of education, negative atmosphere in the family, psychological trauma at an early age, late diagnosis of the disease, etc.
It should be noted that to date scientists have not been able to find a single cause of mental retardation. As a rule, the occurrence of the disease is associated with several unfavorable factors that occur simultaneously or alternately.
How the cult of youth manifests itself in society
In my opinion, the cult of youth is a form of living in modern culture. An adult is required to be responsible, make decisions, and be autonomous. But at the same time, adults do not want to be boring, some kind of retrograde. It is important to demonstrate all these qualities, but at the same time remain mobile in every sense. Which seems to be considered a characteristic of youth.
Okay, youth at 20, adulthood at 30–40, but what then at 50? It is clear that you cannot call this old age either. Well, maturity. What kind of maturity, physical? It’s clear that people don’t want to think about themselves like that. Today, the boundaries of life stages are blurred, life stages are homogenized. Although, first of all, this is a complement to each other: a mixture of responsibility and mobility.
How attitudes towards age are changing in the modern world
When you are 20, you basically don’t think about what it is like to be old. Everything is moving a lot. I think that this is largely due to the rather late marriage and birth of a child. In modern realities, people no longer give birth at 22 or 24, but for the most part, they are closer to 30 years old. A whole 10 years of some other life appears.
Half a century ago, by the age of 22, half of the families already had children. There was a different rhythm of life. But today for young people it is “somewhere later”, so it does not become such a marker of adulthood. Teenagers have a conditional 10 years to do a huge number of things that simply did not exist before.
200 years ago people were already dying by the age of 30, and getting married at 13. Today, from working in different places and communicating with different people, you gain not the skills of an adult, but the skills of communication, decision-making, elections, and maintaining your own identity. It's more about growing up internally.
A sense of moderation in everything
A child (or an immature adult) is never satisfied with what he has. He wants more, better, more expensive, he feels an urgent need to stand out and assert himself against the background of others.
This position is often encouraged and cultivated by parents, based on the understanding that “my child is the best.” This formulation of the question speaks of the immaturity of the parents, which he passes on to the children, which is subsequently difficult to get rid of.
However, if you outgrow this attitude, then life becomes easier. In the end, someone will always have more money, more horsepower under the hood, a wider circle of friends. But happiness and life satisfaction are associated with refusing to compare yourself with others. Where comparison ends, maturity begins.
Why teenagers don't enjoy their youth
First of all, we are talking about teenage girls. They have more vulnerability: women in nature already have a lower status than men. When a girl is young, there are especially high demands placed on her (“you’re a girl,” all these things), and in the broad sense of the word—from society, parents, and adults. Such a girl is within limits. Of course, she wants everyone to leave her behind with all these controls, marriages, and she can make all the decisions for herself.
Girlhood has long been overlooked by researchers because youth research initially focused on subcultures that represented the spaces of teenage boys and young men. However, over time, including as a result of the development of feminist theory and practice, the girls themselves began to more actively declare themselves in this world and research reflection became more sensitive (receptive - approx. “Papers” ) in relation to them.
The concept of girl power appeared. However, the possibilities of independent choice and freedom for teenage girls were quickly problematized through potentially negative consequences - for example, unwanted pregnancy. And the idea of girls at risk was born: the idea, in simple terms, that not all freedoms are suitable for good girls and that too much freedom leads to bad results.
These concepts are also part of everyday life. It’s like with teenage boys: did he smoke? oh well, it’s clear that this is age, everyone goes through it. And for girls: don’t smoke, you still have to give birth! Therefore, teenage girls and young girls are constantly under pressure: on the one hand, the ideas of their own strength, autonomy, freedom, which they should (and even want) to receive and develop; on the other hand, endless control over them and the risk of being stigmatized as “wrong.”
When girls reach about 30 years old, they feel better in this regard. It’s more difficult to talk about young people - that’s a different story; in my opinion, it’s also not easy. I think that in relation to young people, on the one hand, there is more legitimate freedom, and on the other hand, they are denied the status of an adult, and sometimes even the opportunity to show this adulthood. This creates internal tension.
What is the modern cult of slimness expressed in?
The main thesis of the younger generation regarding their own body: it should be thin. This is the new normal; in a sense, even a routine practice, somewhere on a subconscious level: monitoring oneself, monitoring others. The body is very much included in the perception of oneself, this is important. Two separate theses can be distinguished in it. First: completeness is an external limit; and just by your clothes you can see that you have gained weight, like everyone else - you call yourself fat (there is no lower limit for thinness). Second: you call yourself fat, but others should recognize you as thin.
At the same time, the younger generation does not have a cult of healthy lifestyle and fitness. The main sport of the younger generation is to walk a lot. But they control the food, and that's an interesting point. Let’s say that 20 years ago students had little money and had to choose: go to a party, buy some beautiful thing or eat well. Of course, they bought buckwheat and went to a party with friends. Today's teenagers do not have such problems: food is available, there is plenty of it, and there is no need to save this money anymore. But they limit themselves in consumption. Moreover, even in hostels: one of our informants said that he specially bought himself a ceramic frying pan so as not to fry, but to stew! Nutrition becomes the body's primary mode of production.
Being thin is simply the norm for the younger generation. Part of looking cool. Some kind of cult of stars and characters that existed in the MTV era no longer exists. It is enough for them to look around, and not at models or conventional landmarks. The environment itself dictates this: you have to look cool in clothes, but also physically.
The important point is that this is typical for large cities. Our informants, who were not from Moscow or St. Petersburg, say that if you are in the body, then everything is fine with you. That is, it varies for different regions. On the other hand, it is important to understand that young people from Moscow and St. Petersburg are opinion leaders: they run blogs, channels, and popular Instagram accounts. It is clear that social networks provide opportunities for everyone, but the competence is higher for those who are in advanced positions. They set the tone, set trends and influence.
What is included in the modern understanding of adulthood?
Today, the concept of “adulthood” in the eyes of the younger generation includes completely different boxes: now it is not necessary to have children or be married. The concept has changed. The pool of these [new] items is not yet clear. Of course, these are some competencies, an opportunity to earn money and be independent. On the other hand, there is the idea of self-realization: doing what you like, finding it and not being afraid to change it. These are completely different ideas about work. Now the scheme does not work: graduate - enter - forever in this job or [in this] field.
The mobility of the younger generation is manifested in everything: managing their time, location, geography, their choices. Usually it comes after studying, because while you are studying, there are still some obligations. Afterwards comes the moment of free choice: choose, look for and try new things. There is also a downside - for example, employers who are lost in this. They taught and taught a person, and then he left for another place.
Young people don't want routine things. They want to [work] in a way that they enjoy and enjoy. Moreover, they are ready to invest not only in work, but also in hobbies. And their hobbies are often socially useful, such as volunteering.
Of course, this mobility is not just about work. This is a sexual and friendly experience, and cohabitation, and the experience of living with someone. Need to try. Move in together and then separate. There is such a concept as young adults - it’s actually about them. They don’t want to be in the status of young people, they don’t want to be adults, but they are learning different adult things.
The influence of family on personality formation
- Family is the oldest and strongest bond. Everything that is inherent in our character, everything that we take into our adult and independent lives is embedded in us, first of all, in the family, during hours of family communication, family leisure.
- Of course, a person’s world is shaped by a school, a book, a street... But it is the family that is the primary environment where the formation of personality takes place, where we learn the first information about the diversity and complexity of the world around us, about good and evil.
- The family shapes our habits and skills, our views and life plans, needs and abilities. In the family circle, the whole palette of our emotions and feelings ; through the family we gain social experience and adopt traditions.
- It is in the family that the difficult process of nurturing beliefs, demands on oneself and others, mercy and sympathy for people takes place.
- The role of the family in the process of growing up is large and responsible. Parents strengthen and temper the child’s body, develop his speech and thinking, form interests, tastes, skills, abilities, instill a love of knowledge, curiosity, and hard work. The family lays the foundation for the mental, aesthetic, spiritual and physical development of the individual.
Family shapes personality
A person becomes more mature when he begins to take care of his family and friends, values his time and does not waste it on all sorts of nonsense. Most often this occurs at the age of 18-22 years.
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How young people's attitudes toward marriage are changing
The younger generation, which is not in such a hurry to have children, on the one hand, is focused on some kind of partnership, but, on the other hand, is very reflexive to the quality of relationships. And this will only get worse. For them, relationships should be ones in which they feel safe, comfortable, and valuable.
I think the reason for this is parental families. The parents of today's 15-year-olds are approximately 40 years old. And this generation of parents is greatly changing the family as a concept, first of all, the attitude towards children and adolescents. They set the standard for how things should be. Parental families have become more accepting of teenagers, more attentive, began to give them more autonomy, and talk to them more.
The consumers of various modern portals and articles about family are precisely parents. These are not teenagers who are reading now and thinking about how they can build their family later. Who makes an appointment to see a psychologist? They are. Today's younger generation has a good relationship with their parents. Teenagers themselves spoke about this in various studies. It is clear that there are some troubles, but, in principle, the parental family is very accepting for them. Therefore, all this experience of quality relationships within the family is superimposed.
All this sets the tone and expectation for interactions, relationships, and responsibilities. Young people are ready to invest in such relationships. These are much higher requirements for a partner: it is no longer important to earn money and be able to cook borscht, but what is important is how you can talk and support. The same film “Arrhythmia”, where the main character cried, is also about this. About the fact that there are no alpha males and superheroes. In relationships, you can show vulnerability and emotion, be gentle, cuddle with children.
Relationships can be heterosexual, homosexual, non-binary, or something else, but the quality is high.
Stop demanding and learn to give
One of the main conditions for psychological maturity is the ability not only to consume (goods, love, accept gifts, and so on), but also to give something to other people. Moreover, we are talking specifically about “giving” unconditionally. We simply share our attention, care and affection because we choose to do so.
Egocentrism is inherent in immature children. According to their passports, they may be 30 or 40 years old, but the fixation on their person, characteristic of young children, remains throughout their lives.
Harmonious relationships with the opposite sex are important for the development of personality and a happy life. One of the main conditions for a fulfilling relationship between a man and a woman is the ability to give a partner love, understanding, care and admiration.
Love is not a balance sheet. How to grow up psychologically? Stop keeping score of your own manifestations of attention and start giving more than you receive in return.
What contradictions arise in the lives of modern youth
The contradiction in the lives of teenagers today is precisely mobility and stability. Mobility in the broad sense of the word is cool. It distinguishes the younger generation in their way of life: they are much more open and feel like people of the world. However, there is difficulty in building stable and long-term plans, relationships, and so on. For example, in the same job: it is not clear whether the person will work in this place for another five years or in a month he will say that’s it, I’m off. This is a double-edged sword.
Stability is still more about responsibility in the long term. For example, responsibility for projects that a person will take on for several years in advance. The labor market consists not only of young people, but also of the older generation. This is a certain pattern of planning among the older and younger generations.
The same is true when making decisions regarding childbearing. If you don't know what will happen next, then you can't make decisions. Young people themselves think less about very long-term plans, but the labor market also stimulates this. Now the contract is for three months, and then another - you don’t know what will happen later, whether there will be work. This structure requires flexibility, adaptability, job changes and does not allow for planning. Therefore, young people learn to live here and now.
Partners of the Campus festival: New stage of the Alexandrinsky Theater, Delegation of the European Union to Russia and universities of St. Petersburg
Growing up in men
How can a guy grow up psychologically if throughout his childhood and adolescence he did not see examples of masculine behavior in his family?
It is difficult to become emotionally mature when a boy is raised in a family consisting of women (grandmother and mother, for example). He does not see models of male behavior either in the family or at school (as you know, there are very few male teachers in schools).
Playing on a sports team and practicing martial arts under the guidance of a male coach greatly help in developing masculine qualities in a boy. By playing in a team, he learns to make decisions with an eye on others, learns to obey the orders of the coach, endure failures and overcome difficulties. Therefore, it is very important to introduce a boy to sports.
There is no universal way for a man to mature psychologically. You can be married and have three children, but leave the decision on all important issues for the family to your wife (parents).
How can a guy grow up? Firstly, parents need to delegate to the teenager the decision of issues that are important to him, such as choosing a higher educational institution, choosing a specialty that matches his natural inclinations and skills. By putting effort into the process of enrolling in a university, choosing and arranging premises in a student dormitory, the guy will appreciate what he has more.
