Acceptance and understanding are extremely important for any person, and it is very difficult to accept being ignored. You may be ignored both in personal communication and in correspondence, both by your partner and by friends or colleagues. Ignoring always hurts and causes negative emotions. Ignoring is often used as manipulation, so before you react, you need to understand the reasons and goals. Depending on the reasons, you can understand how to react to being ignored.
Ignoring is a form of emotional abuse. Man is a social being, it is important for him to feel needed. Therefore, when we are ignored, it is painful and unpleasant, which is why ignoring always works.
You don't owe anything to anyone
If a person is very intrusive, tries to shift his problems onto you, blames you for his own failures, try to explain to him that you don’t owe him anything, even if he is a relative or formerly close person
. You have your own life, your own problems, which are much more important to you than his troubles.
You don't have to tell him why you think this way or that way. If he has a desire, he will find the reasons for your behavior without your explanation. If you have the right to demand something from him, just insist on it
. Take the example of moderators on forums - they are guided by a strict set of rules and are not obliged to explain to each user why they were blocked.
Talk frankly
When communicating, try to get rid of pleading notes - such people will bring incredible pleasure to your pitiful situation
. To put it in Internet language, in order to no longer feed the troll, you need to talk to him without emotions and rely on logic. Express your point of view to him and do not react to his provocations. If he starts spreading gossip about you or slinging mud at you, the best way to shut his mouth is to intimidate him. Such people are usually very cowardly and quickly back down, such is the psychology of boors.
You maintain a one-sided relationship.
If you are communicating with someone, who usually speaks? You or your interlocutor? Are you given the opportunity to speak, or are you constantly interrupted, trying to convey your point of view, and you calmly allow it?
Out of politeness? Out of compassion and naive altruism?
If you continue to allow others to use you as a vest to cry into, they won't see the other side of you. It wouldn't even occur to them to look! After all, it’s so convenient when you have someone to “whine”... It’s unlikely that they care about your inner feelings.
And you? When will they finally start to worry you?
Don't try to put on a good face when you're playing poorly.
I want to get out of every situation with honor, if possible, and maintain good relationships, and maybe even friendship. But it is very difficult to sit on two chairs, so choose: your own peace of mind or the ghostly skeleton of normal communication.
You can't please everyone. If someone doesn't want to consider you, don't sacrifice yourself. Healthy selfishness has never harmed anyone.
Not every person with whom you have to communicate makes you want to maintain this communication with him. And it also happens that any contact with someone we know only brings us pain, disappointment and resentment. Well, some “girlfriend” likes to get on our nerves, and that’s it! And when her nerves can’t stand it, you ask her to remember her conscience - she gets offended, starts being rude at every opportunity, and even spreads gossip about what happened and what didn’t happen!
The hardest thing is to get rid of the annoying advances of a man when he is unpleasant to you, but with his persistence he tries again and again to melt the ice of your hostility. How to ignore a guy in this case? How can you convince a man with your behavior that all his attempts are futile? How can you learn to ignore a guy you like, but he behaves too dismissively with you?
Various situations arise when a person becomes extremely unpleasant to us. We get offended, worry, and receive a new portion of negativity at every meeting. Often we try to somehow influence such a friend of ours, to sort out our relationship with her. But there is nothing more effective in such a situation than to ignore the person with whom communication brings us so many unpleasant emotions.
We haven’t discovered any America now, have we? But think for yourself: how many of us know how to react to insults, gossip and insults correctly? After all, what do most of us do? Each has its own way; but not every one of them allows you to avoid suffering, and some only poison the soul even more. Some people don’t pay attention to the offender and move on with their lives as if nothing had happened, but there are very few of them.
And someone is crying in the corner, experiencing every unfair word addressed to them. Someone withdraws into themselves, becomes very closed and non-contact, someone constantly feels irritated and transfers this irritation to others who are not to blame for anything. These are the most common reactions, and the list could be continued. But all this is wrong behavior. What is the right way, you ask? This is what we would like to teach you!
Why do people ignore each other
In general, ignoring is a psychological manipulation, usually aimed at achieving certain goals. However, by and large, the actions of someone who ignores you are a signal of his exorbitant pride and selfishness.
Depending on how exactly the ignored person behaves, the ignorer always receives some kind of bonus. Some people are fueled by the humiliation of others, others simply love increased attention to their person. In any case, when thinking about how to ignore a person, it is very important to remember that ignoring comes back like a boomerang. Only now it will return not in the same form, but modified - as aggression, revenge, hatred.
In some cases, ignoring can serve as a salvation, and then it is completely justified. When it comes to hysterical and manipulative manifestations, then ignoring is the way to devalue the “tragedy.” However, it should be remembered that in this case, ignoring should be temporary and continue exactly until the opponent stops destructive actions directed in your direction.
How to behave correctly?
The most correct thing is to show the unpleasant person that you do not want to communicate with him anymore. That is, just stop noticing all his antics, and himself. And here's how to do it:
- Ignoring someone is a big decision, so think about your move and try to understand whether you really want to end your relationship with the offender forever. Don't resort to ignoring someone for a day or a week just to get attention and guilt from the person who offended you.
- Before ending a relationship, try to understand the motives behind this person's behavior, to see not only what he did, but also why he could do it. Did you do something that might have triggered this behavior? What if you yourself somehow offended your friend, and she is just trying to defend herself?
- Try asking about the reason for this attitude towards you (if you find it possible, of course). Maybe everything is not as bad as you think, and you can resolve the situation peacefully. In any case, you should talk first, try to discuss your problems, and not just throw the person out of your life without any warning.
- Be direct. If you fail to improve your relationship, firmly tell your friend that you no longer want to know her. There is no need to get angry, just say your decision while remaining polite. Some people do not immediately understand that such a decision can be deliberate and final, and continue to try to communicate. Be consistent - stop taking calls from them and don't read their messages. Resist attempts to provoke you into responding. Do not argue during meetings if they cannot be avoided (if this is your employee, then do not change jobs because of an intriguer!). If the pestering is very persistent, firmly and clearly say that you want to be left alone - now and forever!
- You must understand what the consequences will be. This bore will be angry, because getting a rebuff for your intrigues is not so pleasant. Prepare to withstand the siege. Tell mutual friends and acquaintances that you are going to ignore the offender. If they ask you questions, answer them. Do not try to convince them to take your side; let them form their own opinion about the current situation. Just let them know about the essence of the problem and your position.
- Refrain from any type of contact with the person you are ignoring. If it's a man, it will be much easier to ignore him. But if this is a woman, then it will be more complicated! At first she will be angry with you, and then she will intensively look for an opportunity to show how bad you are, since you decided to make an empty place out of her. If you do not pay attention to all her attempts, she will begin to seek sympathy from other people. And the fact that she will talk about you now may even be much more painful and offensive than what caused all the fuss to flare up. What can be done about this? If you have the courage, continue to ignore her. You have already discussed your position with people whose opinion is important to you, and their sympathies will quickly turn towards you if you behave with dignity - unlike that scandalous person who throws mud at you. And if she crosses all boundaries, threaten to hold her accountable for slander and insults. Sometimes it works!
- When meeting, do not be tormented by awkwardness, not knowing whether, for the sake of etiquette, you need to greet an unpleasant person. Of course, you shouldn’t demonstratively turn away, but you don’t have to say hello either. And if he turns to you, or you need to tell him something (for example, if it is necessary for work), then keep communication to a minimum as possible. And if you bump into him somewhere on the street or in a store, then you can even pretend that you simply didn’t notice him. You shouldn’t change your walking pace or cross to the other side of the street - it’s stupid, you’ll agree. And it will look like you are afraid of him (or her). Just look through the person, as if you look at people you don’t know. You didn't see it, and that's it! And if he wants to tell you something, pretending that nothing happened, say that you are in a hurry and cannot linger.
- Remember to limit access to yourself and your personal data on social networks. Adjust your privacy settings and lock your pages so that only close friends and family can see your information and photos.
After you have done all this, you will be able to protect yourself from communicating with a person whom you no longer want to see in your circle of friends. Celebrate freedom and enjoy peace of mind!
Mom is anarchy
Daria suggests that Kirill’s emotional closeness was caused by a lack of love in childhood, the desire to earn it, and also an incredible fear of losing intimacy. Mom demanded that he be strong and independent, and she was stingy with expressions of love and care. One day he admitted to Daria that he and his mother had a very difficult relationship, and Kirill often wanted her to just hug him. “His tendency to ignore is a consequence of all his experiences,” says Daria.
Anna Brovko considers silent boycott in parent-child relationships to be the worst punishment for a child.
“At such moments, the child feels abandoned. And it doesn’t matter that his parents will continue to feed and clothe him. In childish logic, this means “I won’t survive alone.” Another option is to postpone the conversation indefinitely. “I don’t want to talk about this,” “let’s do it later,” “I don’t have time, I’m very busy” - the child sees that his problems are not important, which means he himself is not important. If parents agree to talk, but instead of listening, for example, they scroll through their social network feed, they make it clear that they do not care about the child. They don’t say it out loud, but children read such messages very quickly.”
Future relationships are influenced not only by communication between parents and child, but also between the two parents.
If a child regularly witnesses quarrels between parents, in which one wins through silence, he can copy the behavior of one of them and in the future become either a manipulator or a victim.
Either way, being raised by emotionally closed parents can lead to the development of coping patterns that a person relies on to cope with emotional pain in adulthood.
“Since childhood, family conflicts have been hushed up. If my sister and I argued, we were sent to the nursery - sort it out yourself,” says another victim of withholding, Olga. — There was no culture of negotiations: to listen, to name feelings, to regret. Mom and dad never quarreled in front of the children. But there was a lot unspoken between them, and it was in the air. I remember the feeling of constant anxiety: why is dad angry and losing his temper? Why is mom lost? What did I do wrong? And why will it fly to me in the next minute?”
This pattern was later repeated in the relationship between Olga and her husband. Igor began to ignore her after six months of the relationship, when the period of falling in love passed. Instead of talking through problems, they began to swear. “Igor avoided discussing a variety of topics: my jealousy, his relationship with alcohol and with children from his first marriage, overwork,” says Olga.
A typical pattern for the development of conflicts in their family was as follows: “For example, I don’t like that my husband takes work home and answers work messages on weekends. I ask him to correct his behavior.
He begins to flow away: he does not answer my request with either “yes” or “no,” or he says: “I’ll try, maybe, probably.”
Sometimes Igor physically withdraws from the conversation - he may go to the toilet without warning or simply turn away and start washing the dishes.”
Now Olga and Igor are undergoing psychotherapy, thanks to which it has become clear where their legs are coming from: “My husband has a domineering, authoritarian mother who suppressed his “I” and “I want” and instilled a sense of guilt in him. In our relationship, I am a projection of his mother. On the one hand, I can be warm, loving, gentle - a kind of ideal mommy. On the other hand, I display authoritarian traits, a desire to push and impose. Now our task is to get out of this model and build relationships on an equal basis, like adults.”
How to Ignore a Guy Who Treats You Dismissively
There are also situations when a person does not dislike you, and yet it is quite difficult to communicate with him. For example, this situation: you really like a guy, but his behavior is sometimes quite offensive to you. He seems to say that he has warm feelings for you, but nevertheless he pays too little attention to you, and sometimes he is generally quite dismissive. How to properly ignore a man in such a situation in order to make sure of the sincerity of his feelings towards you?
- Don't stay around him when he starts acting this way. You don't deserve to be treated like this! True, you should not distance yourself from him demonstratively: this way you will only provoke the man into conflict. You should just calmly tell him that you don't want to spend all your free time waiting for him to choose a few hours to communicate with you, or that you don't like the way he talks or behaves with you, and therefore today you want to be without him. (just don’t lose sight of the fact that sometimes a man is forced to behave rudely or dismissively with a girl simply by the desire to attract her attention).
- In turn, ignore it for two or more days. Don't call him first, don't send SMS messages, don't catch his eye. If he really loves you, he will definitely worry and try to find out where you went and whether everything is okay with you.
- When he wants to find out what happened, talk to him calmly, without tears or reproaches. Nothing can push a man away more than female hysterics. Also, don't start sorting things out as soon as he approaches you. If this happened in a fairly crowded place or when you are quite busy (for example, at work or during a break between couples at the institute), then do not give in to temptation and do not start a conversation. The best time and place for such a conversation is when you are alone and in no hurry.
- Ask your friends for help. Tell them that you want to stop communicating with your boyfriend for a while. They will help with advice and try to protect you from situations where you may accidentally meet a man whom you are trying to ignore. Only you should trust exactly those friends of yours in whom you are confident, because you want to get support from them, and not spread gossip about you, right?
Be patient, do not rush the man, provoking him into scandals and showdowns. It is much more effective to let him really feel that you are very unhappy with his behavior. But first, try to convey to him how you feel when he behaves inappropriately towards you. Imagine: guys never have any idea how girls feel when they are neglected!
How to Ignore a Guy If You're in Love with Him
Have you fallen in love with a man, but are you afraid that your feelings are unlikely to find a response in his heart? Well, get him out of your head! Believe me, there are guys who are much better than the one you like now. And among them there is probably one who is now secretly sighing, looking at you. Therefore, you can start to ignore this particular man in order to free your heart for true love. Moreover, the situation may turn out to be such that you need to cool your feelings for a guy who is either your friend, or you are simply clearly acquainted.
If he is one of your friends
- Don't blame yourself for falling in love with your boyfriend or boyfriend. This can happen to anyone. Just start taking the first steps towards moving away from him a little.
- Do not respond to his requests the second he calls you or texts you. For example, you can send a response message only after two to three hours.
- Never turn to him first, and if he asks you about something, then answer him in monosyllables.
- If he asks you for something, tell him that you are busy. Do not allow yourself to communicate with him for a long time. This will only worsen the current situation.
- And best of all, make new friends, preferably of the opposite sex.
If you just know each other
- Try not to go anywhere where you might meet a guy you decide to ignore.
- Don't smile at him. A smile can reveal your feelings.
- Don't ask your friends and acquaintances about him.
- Try not to think about the guy at all, since you have decided to ignore him.
What if they ignore you?
Anything happens in life. It may happen that you yourself are guilty of something. What can I say - each of us was in such a situation when someone sulked at us and pretended that we didn’t exist in the world. Brrr, I don’t want to remember! And if this does happen again, what attitude should you choose towards the person who is ignoring you in order to somehow influence his desire not to have anything to do with you?
It all depends on whether you want to correct the situation yourself. If you don't value your relationship with the one who cheated on you, you can do the same and stop noticing him. And if you feel guilty and want to make peace, then it is worth resolving your dispute so as not to aggravate the confrontation. Remember that it is not always wise to continue to hold your ground and insist on your position!
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Cool
Not all people we meet in life evoke our sympathy. Perhaps each of us has encountered an annoying and boring interlocutor.
How to ignore a person, delicately letting him know that you are not interested in him?
Proper upbringing does not allow us to be rude even towards an unsympathetic person, so we have to look for other ways to get rid of him.
You ignore yourself, your emotions and your desires.
How often do you ignore your emotions? Often? This is not a good idea, because our emotions help us determine whether we are taking care of ourselves or, conversely, betraying the trust of our soul and our body.
When you tell yourself that emotions, feelings and desires are not important, you seem to project this thought to others. And they, in turn, also think that your emotions/feelings/desires are not important.
When you feel anxiety, pain, anger, loneliness, grief, what do you do? Are you ignoring all these feelings? Do you judge yourself for feeling them? Or are you trying to drown everything out with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, medications? Or perhaps you find salvation from emotions in shopping, exhausting physical exercise, sex?
By avoiding your feelings in this way, you do not give yourself relief, only fatigue and loneliness. When you give up yourself like this, you become invisible to others. If you don't accept yourself with everything you experience, why do you think others should?
What to do
Ignoring is one of the most effective methods of eliminating unwanted interlocutors and admirers. This tactic largely helps to avoid conflicts with rude and arrogant people. However, not everyone is able to correctly ignore a person and achieve the necessary results in this way. More often than not, we do not hold back and still enter into a debate with our opponent, wasting our energy and time on a completely uninteresting person. In ancient times, this method was used in relation to the dregs of society: thereby showing disdain for them and the desire to isolate themselves from communication. In modern families, the method of ignoring is more often used as a tool for resolving conflicts. How to ignore someone you don't like?
Set the distance
In most cases, this comes down to establishing a distance (social, psychological or emotional) with an unwanted interlocutor. First, try to distance yourself from the person emotionally. Calmly accept his attacks, as if observing the situation from the outside. This method is especially effective if you are forced to frequently communicate with an unpleasant person. Once again, when your interlocutor tries to provoke you and piss you off, look at the situation through the eyes of a director who is thinking about what angle is best to shoot this scene from.
Other options for ignoring a person are changing your social circle. Simply stop maintaining a relationship with an unwanted person, doing it gradually. By changing your social circle, you can quickly get rid of a person without offending him. More radical measures are geographic distance, that is, a change of place of residence. In some cases, it is she who helps get rid of an annoying admirer.
Ignoring can increase hostility
One way or another, ignoring is a passive action, and this method rarely lives up to the expectations of the person who has taken on the task of ignoring another.
Ignoring aggravates the course of the conflict. Ignoring can only increase hostility between people. Therefore, it would be better if people, having learned to speak, also learn to negotiate. After all, sincere relationships are always clear and transparent. Is it worth spending your life ignoring?
You can understand all the intricacies of human relationships and understand what causes this or that person to ignore you at the free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register using the link>>
Author: Irina Andreeva
The article was written using training materials on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
