- September 9, 2018
- Mental disorders
- Nesteruk Olga
People always become exactly the way their parents raised them. Every parent thinks that they have done everything for the happy future of their child. However, where do people who love pain come from? Why do they derive true pleasure from receiving pain? This is extremely surprising, because by their nature, all living beings dream of well-being, peace and happiness.
Who is a sadist?
The very definition of the word “sadism” appeared because of the French writer Marquis de Sade (1740-1814). He became famous for his cruel behavior, evil character, and his works often had sexual overtones.
The Marquis De Sade gave the name to sadism
A sadist is a person who takes pleasure in the suffering of other people . Moreover, a sadist can either cause pain to other people or simply be an outside observer. Sadism is a pathological quality, as it gives pleasure through the suffering of other people.
Bottom line
Basically, all people strive for love and peace in relationships. But if you take a closer look at who they actually choose as their partner, we can conclude that in fact they are not looking for sincere love, but for real suffering. Why don’t people think about the need to break up with someone who is capable of causing them suffering? Why can't they be with those who are capable of loving them and want to be with them?
They subconsciously become people who love pain. And this happens because from early childhood they felt the pain and torment that their parents inflicted on them. And, unfortunately, many people have been thinking since infancy that love should only bring pain and torment. This is why they dream of happiness and a calm relationship, but when the stage of choosing their partner comes, they still prefer those who will arouse their usual feelings - torment and pain. Childhood can define a lot; because of the events in it, people appear who love pain and suffering.
Types of sadism
Like all mental disorders, sadism has several types: physical, psychological and sexual.
Physical sadism consists of violence, infliction of physical pain, beating, suffocation. The sadist takes pleasure in inflicting physical pain on the victim.
Sometimes physical abuse can lead to serious injury and in some cases even death.
Psychological sadism involves inflicting moral suffering on the victim. Insults, humiliation, belittling of a person’s moral qualities - all this can be attributed to psychological sadism.
Ramsay Bolton is a sadist from the series “Game of Thrones”.
Typically, this type of bullying is inherent in people in leadership positions (directors, teachers, professors, civil servants).
Have you met sadists in real life?
This type of sadists is divided into two types:
- “Honest” - they always tell the negative truth to a person , watching his reaction and torment;
- “Well-wishers” - these people receive negative information about a person and, under the guise of help or in a normal conversation, use this information against the person, enjoying the emotions of the victim .
Do you know who a masochist is? The answer is in our article!
Sexual sadism is manifested in obtaining sexual pleasure by inflicting pain. Just like psychological, sexual sadism is divided into two types:
- Aggressive is the most dangerous type, which can lead to death of the victim. It includes physical and psychological abuse;
- Visual - a sadist only imagines causing violence without realizing it.
Attention: no matter what type of sadism a person suffers from, it should be remembered that it is directly or indirectly dangerous to society.
Kevin from the movie "There's Something Wrong with Kevin"
Why do some people love pain?
To a person who loves pain, it gives something. What exactly? The main thing it gives unhappy people is attention to themselves. She also carries compassion. People around us are used to feeling sorry for suffering people, which is why some people get used to experiencing pain. It is in this case that they receive maximum self-compassion, understanding and attention. People who love pain love it because at certain periods of life it can be fashionable. For example, some groups of teenagers themselves promote suffering among people. In their opinion, you should look like a martyr, behave in a similar miserable way, shed tears and blame the entire world around you for your troubles. Therefore, there are people who like to suffer and blame others, not wanting to notice their own mistakes.
Causes of sadism
Like most human mental disorders, the roots of the disease should be sought in childhood . Dysfunctional families, children growing up in an environment of cruelty and violence get used to and adapt to this model of behavior, which subsequently affects them in adulthood.
Also, the reasons may occur for the following reasons:
- Head injuries;
- Other mental illnesses;
- Features of sexual perception;
- Hidden complexes.
Is it possible to avoid facing pain?
Of course, it is clear that any organism strives to avoid painful experiences. But at the same time, it is important to understand that then life will become limited, “gray”.
During the session, the psychologist asks about painful experiences. Experiencing pain is an essential part of life. Why did the client come to the psychologist’s office? To make him feel better! What's going on? At some stage, on the contrary, it may become more difficult for him, harder in the emotional aspect. But this is necessary to ensure in the future an adequate perception of reality and the construction of contact in the “here and now” mode, without references to “there and then”.
Avoiding pain can be like anesthetizing the psyche. At the same time, other feelings, for example, joy, cannot be fully experienced. There is a price to pay for avoiding heartache. For example, when experiencing a breakup with a loved one, one can observe a lack of desire in a client to enter into a new relationship. This happens in order not to experience the state that was in that relationship. This may explain wariness when making new acquaintances and a long-term lack of trust. A traumatic situation is a reaction to that situation, and not to the current one.
How to recognize a sadist
Since the root of the problem may go back to childhood, it is necessary to monitor the child’s behavior. Cruelty to animals, rudeness, aggressive character - all this may indicate that in the future these negative qualities will not be revealed for the better.
As for an adult, there are obvious signs that may indicate violent tendencies:
- A person constantly humiliates in public ;
- The person lacks empathy ;
- Captures all attention to himself, but does not give it himself;
- Always looking for a reason to accuse the interlocutor of something;
- A cruel sense of humor also indicates unhealthy human behavior.
They like to feel pain
Hands tied behind the back, a black blindfold, a gag in the mouth, buttocks cut to the point of bleeding... It seems that these photographs would rather evoke fear or pity, but in the voice of 30-year-old Yana, who lays them out on the table, there is a sound of restrained pride: “ It’s all me, albeit at different times.” The point of painful exercise is to relieve tension and feel satisfaction. Although the way masochists achieve this may seem strange to someone who is used to receiving pleasure differently.
It is difficult to believe that physical pain can be pleasant, although from a physiological point of view there is nothing surprising in this. “A person who is experiencing pain releases a large amount of endorphins into the blood,” says sexologist Irina Panyukova. “These pleasure hormones are natural analgesics that reduce pain and help the body adapt to stress. At the same time, adrenaline is released, causing vigor and excitement.”
Endorphins and adrenaline are the same hormonal cocktail for which others conquer mountain peaks and subject themselves to sports stress. “For me, experiencing pain turned out to be a kind of initiation,” says 42-year-old Eduard. — I like to explore my sensations, to withstand increasingly stronger influences. At the end of the session, I feel more than just satisfaction, I feel like a winner.”
Feeling liberated
“For me, pain is better than any meditation,” admits Yana, “I dissolve in it without a trace, at this time it is simply impossible to think about anything else. The result, in my opinion, is comparable to spiritual practices - a feeling of complete liberation, openness to life.” But the masochist’s experiences are not limited to physical pain. Many people also like to experience moral pain, taking pleasure in shame, humiliation, subordination, and in their own defenselessness and vulnerability.
“Self-denial, the ability to make sacrifices, renunciation of one’s needs - these traits are inherent to some extent in all of us, both men and women,” notes Irina Panyukova. “It is they, in contrast to extreme egoism, who make life in society possible.” But in the psyche of some people these traits are more pronounced.” Connecting with sexual needs, they bring them to the “Theme”. This is what their participants call their practices, which include pain and submission.
The rest of the relationship is “vanilla” for them. “I had a lot of vanilla relationships,” continues Yana, “but even when everything went well, there remained a vague feeling, like a slight hunger or melancholy. And only when I received my first experience of submission, I realized what I was missing.” Eduard, who has been in Tema for 15 years, describes his experiences in a similar way: “For quite a long time I could not understand what I wanted, and I chose women who themselves dreamed of obeying, but I could not give them this. Or, on the contrary, powerful, but inept, they caused me a lot of useless suffering.”
Sex without sex?
Thematic relationships may include sexual contact, but this is not necessary. “If we consider that sex is a combination of personal relationships and intense physical contact, then the Theme is already sex in itself,” notes Yana.
Sometimes the meeting participants don't even bare their clothes. 29-year-old Pavel, the “top” (the one who hurts the “bottom”), rejects the very idea of the possibility of sexual contact: “I have no doubt that my “bottoms” would like this. But the condition that makes our relationship what it is is that all power and control is concentrated in my hands. And in intercourse, partners at some point may find themselves on equal terms. This is unacceptable for our relationship.”
Just as ordinary (genital) sexual contact can take place in the absence of any personal relationship between the partners - such as sex for money - so a masochistic session can be impersonal, and then it is similar to the provision of agreed services. But sometimes partners live together and even get married, which to an outside observer is no different from a marital relationship. And just like other couples, sex may or may not be a part of their life together.
Is it possible to cure a sadist?
How can you help a person suffering from such a mental disorder? It’s worth noting right away that there is no specific treatment for sadism . But medicine does not stand still and successfully uses methods such as hypnosis, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, coupled with drug treatment.
In especially severe cases, the patient may be prescribed antiandrogen drugs, which dull the tendency to violence . Treatment is carried out both on an outpatient basis and in hospitals, depending on the severity of the disease.
An important criterion in cure is the patient’s role itself. A person must want to overcome his illness and make every effort to do so. Otherwise, all attempts to help will be in vain.
How to survive pain?
As long as a person allows the pain to flow, he can withstand it without catastrophic, destructive consequences for him. And when you stop the experiences, they can come. The fact is that a person “squeezes” his pain through the body. Stopping breathing, freezing, etc. is a marker of stopping feelings, a reaction of the body, the psyche, so as not to face pain.
If a person constantly experiences this, then there is a high probability of developing psychosomatic diseases. That is why the help of a psychologist in recognizing these signals will be very important.
Processes occurring at the bodily level are associated with experiences and are emotionally colored. And any way to stop is to stop your feelings. For example, a child is told: “Don’t be afraid!” He learns to stop his experiences, not to express them. A person may prohibit himself from even thinking about a painful situation, not allowing himself to talk about it with someone.
The desire to hurt someone
Sometimes people experience impulsive desires, an internal need to cause some kind of bodily harm, pain or harm to someone.
If such symptoms appear, you should be wary and not delay getting adequate help for the person.
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Associated complaints of desire to beat
- Hostility or aggression towards others.
- Easy to feel frustrated or irritable.
- Outbursts of anger.
- Screaming, throwing things.
- Impulses to cause bodily harm, pain.
- Impulses to break or destroy.
The motivation and mechanisms of such actions are quite different.
As for motivation, this can be increased irritation, stress, subject to a decrease or lack of situational control against the background of increased affect. As a rule, impulses to cause bodily harm or harm to someone are produced in people with a certain type of personality, certain character traits, so-called emotionally excitable individuals, and perhaps individuals with sadistic tendencies.
As a rule, they are not satisfied with the quality of their life, especially its social aspect, they fail in their plans, such people rarely finish the things they start and quite often fail, thereby causing a process of personal decompensation.
Such people are accustomed to compensating for their failures in work matters and in personal contacts with the help of other people, especially those close to them due to their powerlessness and worthlessness; in the process of decompensation, they feel impulses to cause bodily harm, pain or harm to someone, especially for loved ones of people.
Turn off gadgets at least in the evening
Try not to use gadgets in the evenings. At least in order not to get involved in working or reviewing everything that is in your news feed. Better turn on the series and just relax. Do not allow yourself to answer business letters or solve any other important matters after sunset - everything important will wait until the morning, and you need to restore your strength. If giving up your phone for the whole evening is even more stressful for you, then try giving yourself at least 20 minutes of complete absence from the virtual world.
Is pain also a new experience in life?
Situations that force us to experience pain make us more difficult. The psyche acquires multifaceted experience. And a person who grew up in “sterile” conditions, when nothing overshadowed his condition, most likely will not be able to survive in a changing world.
An important conclusion that clients often make after a series of psychological sessions is that the pain they have experienced can be turned into a resource. But what is important is that if you do not deliberately drag the client into experiencing pain, and this process happens naturally, then the client is able to endure it, gradually becoming stronger. The dosage of the degree of residence will make it possible to work harmoniously with these conditions.
Examples of economic violence in the family
The third common type of violence is financial. What is it? There are so many stories of women on maternity leave to whom their husbands give them money as checks! How many women who, being housewives, become financially dependent, and their husband literally keeps them in a black body: “Why do you need to wear makeup? I don’t wear makeup!”, “You already have boots” (and I don’t care if they get wet).
How many men refuse any woman’s request to buy something necessary for her, citing the fact that the woman spends too much. What does too much mean? And that means at least something other than food. Because for such men, the mother of his children and his wife’s status is like a cat: fed and that’s enough.
At the same time, the woman does all the housework and raises the children. And of course, she sleeps with her husband, a financial abuser. Sleeping for love? Or does he sleep for food and a yearly roof for himself and his children? Here's something to think about. Because there is no greed in love. At all. Anyone who spares money for you, and especially for children, does not love either you or the children. He loves the comfort that you provide him, and the money, of course.
What if you convince yourself that nothing is happening?
The other extreme is the “pain mask,” when the client himself, or those around him, pretend that nothing bad happened or rationalize the event. For example, after doctors have diagnosed a serious illness, a person may try not to come into contact with it, avoid talking about it, not think about it, pretend that nothing happened. This is a blocking of experience. Tension within can have a negative impact on your health.
It is important to understand that the client who came with a request for severe pain experienced has already encountered this. The psychologist’s task is to restore his sensitivity. It is important to support other poles of experience - the environment can not only destroy and cause pain, but also give something that brings positive emotions.
