Do you want to decide on your feelings? Take the tests below.
Everyone goes through a period of such doubts, regardless of age. A young girl, having fallen in love with a handsome guy, sees nothing and no one around except the object of her desires. But a period of romance passes, a new phase begins - a stable, even relationship, when everyone around you began to consider you a successful couple, when everything is stable and smooth, and both are already sure that he (she) will not get away from her (him). This is where the danger lies.
Do I love: test
“Am I too hasty in my choice?” “There are so many pretty girls around, and they’re no worse!” — thoughts like these begin to creep into the heads of girls and boys.
Moreover, approximately the same thing happens in the heads of those who have already tied the knot and have managed to go from passion and ardor to the state in which every day they need to solve some everyday problems.
It is then that reason connects to the cooled feelings and emotions. And for some reason we are only now beginning to think: do I really love him (her)? Our ego turns on, bringing to the fore our own desires and aspirations, one of which is to understand ourselves. So let's figure it out.
What love is – probably not one person can define it unambiguously, because it is so different! Treatises and poems, novels and practical manuals have been written. In this entire array of examples and definitions, it is possible to isolate some moments that speak of true feelings that differ from passion and lust.
Love
In order to understand whether you have this kind of attitude towards your chosen one, try taking the following blitz test, consisting of only three questions:
- Do you feel comfortable being around him?
- Do you feel a sense of joy and peace from having him around?
- Doesn't it bother you to have to give in to him in anything?
If you answered positively three times, don’t worry, you can be sure that your relationship is built on true feelings. If you are thoughtful or ready to say “no” to any of the questions, you need to delve further into yourself and look for the reason for this very “no”.
An old, proven way is to analyze your attitude towards your partner on paper. Divide the sheet into two columns and write down the positive qualities that you find in it in one, and the negative ones in the other. If the first column is larger, it means that you made your choice consciously and correctly, this is the person who is worthy of your love.
Well, to reinforce the conclusion you’ve come to, take another test that will finally help you dot all the “I’s.”
- Are other people's opinions and advice important to you in your behavior with your partner?
a) Yes, outside opinions are always objective;
b) No, these are my relationships and only I am responsible for them;
c) More often than not I don’t listen to other people’s opinions.
- How do you perceive your loved one's shortcomings?
a) I strive to help him get rid of them;
b) I don’t consider these to be shortcomings, each person is unique;
c) I perceive him with all his shortcomings.
- Do you strive to look better than you really are when you are around your partner, or do you remain yourself?
a) Of course, you want to look perfect;
b) I don’t stress at all and behave the way I want;
c) Such a question has never arisen in my head.
- Are you talking mentally with your chosen one?
a) Never. For what?
b) Very often I turn to him in my thoughts;
c) In case of a quarrel, I build a dialogue with him in my head.
- Are there topics that you prefer not to touch on in your conversations?
a) Yes. Not everything can be discussed openly;
b) There are no taboo topics for us, we are frank even in small things;
c) If the topic is unpleasant for us, why talk about it at all?
- For you, sex is associated only with your chosen one, or you can imagine someone else in his place
a) Perhaps one of the stars;
b) No, sex with anyone else is unacceptable for me;
c) Difficult question.
- Does your relationship with your loved one inspire you to “exploits”?
a) Sometimes for heroic deeds, sometimes for melancholy;
b) Yes, always;
c) Only when I see him.
Not sure about your feelings? Take the test
Now check your answers. option “a” predominates in them , your confidence in your loved one can hardly be called complete. You doubt, not fully understanding yourself or your feelings. Perhaps you should take a closer look at it and listen to yourself to understand what is bothering you.
Are most of your answers marked "b" ? These are real strong feelings. If you answered honestly and did not bend your heart anywhere, then we can only congratulate you - you have really found your other half and sincerely love your chosen one.
And finally, option “c”. If it predominates in your answers, then most likely you have been married for a long time. However, you have a lot in common, because love is not only feelings, but also common goals. If you have not yet decided to seal your union, then this result is a reason to once again check your feelings. They are not very strong yet.
A clever test to determine love: 20 questions that will help you understand your feelings
If psychologists could define love, they would surpass poets who are constantly trying to convey this ephemeral feeling through poetry. In most cases, love brings us joy and bliss. But many of us know that sometimes we have to pay dearly for it. That is why each and everyone should learn the proposed ingenious method for determining love!
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Perhaps it would be more correct to consider love not as an emotion, but as a state that causes positive and negative feelings in us. However, the question arises - what is the nature of this state, and why is it so important for our sense of well-being to be in a state of love.
Anatomy of love
Unlike great writers and artists who addressed the issue of love, psychologists have a more pragmatic approach to it. After all, they are trying to decompose it into its component parts. Thus, psychologists Sandra Langeslag from the University of Maryland and her colleagues from the Netherlands Peter Muris and Ingmar Franken are of the opinion that it is not necessary to define love, it is enough to highlight its signs.
These signs are divided into categories: behavioral, emotional, cognitive (related to a person's values and beliefs) and physical (for example, increased energy, insomnia, loss of appetite, trembling, palpitations, etc.). Note that researchers are talking about “romantic” love, and not about love-friendship. Romantic love involves high intensity of passions and pronounced sexual attraction.
Sandra Langeslag and her team view love as a combination of reckless passion and deep affection. Passionate love as passion, absorption in another person and the manifestation of the most tender feelings towards him is the leading feeling. Deep affection involves the desire to always be close to another person. Sandra Langeslag and her colleagues believe that passion can be without attachment, they are independent of each other.
Secure, anxious, and distant attachments
Passionate passion brings not only pleasant feelings into a person’s life, but can also be associated with mental suffering, anxiety, and depression. Therefore, according to Sandra Langeslag, it is associated with a more pronounced expression of feelings compared to attachment. When your attachment to your partner is strong and constant, which psychologists call “secure attachment,” then your feelings will be more or less even and calm.
If you are constantly overcome by fears and tormented by doubts about whether your partner wants to date you or not, you are very worried about every trifle and misunderstanding in your relationship, or you are distrustful of your lover, then we talk about “anxious affection."
If you do not need excessive affection, in relationships with emotions and passions, prefer solitude and strive for your “personal space,” your type is “detached attachment.”
Sandra Langeslag notes that stability is achieved by couples whose relationships are based on love, passion and deep affection. Research into happy, long-lasting marriages shows that spouses care about each other and strive to be together. However, due to the fact that passions subside over time, in the long term, relationships in married couples are built more on deep affection.
Test: determine the strength of your passion and deep affection
Based on the above, we suggest assessing how much your current feelings for your lover correspond to these two highlighted sides of love: passion and deep affection. To do this, you need to pass a test containing 20 statements. You rate the degree of your agreement with each statement on a 7-point scale: from 1 point if you completely disagree with the statement and up to 7 points if you completely agree with the statement.
- I look into the distance when I think about him (her).
- I think I can rely on him (her).
- I feel trembling in my knees when I am close to him (her).
- I am ready to share all my property with him (her).
- I will be lonely without him (without her).
- I have no appetite because of my feelings for him (her).
- Thoughts about him (her) do not allow me to focus on anything else.
- He (she) is meant for me.
- I am afraid that I will say something wrong when talking to him (her).
- He (she) knows everything about me.
- I will love him (her) always.
- My hands sweat when I'm near him (her).
- I feel an emotional connection with him (her).
- I feel excited around him/her.
- He (she) can calm me down and cheer me up when I am upset (upset) about something.
- I don't sleep well because of constant thoughts about him (her).
- I try to find another meaning in his (her) words.
- He (she) is the person who can make me the happiest.
- I can’t imagine my future without him (her).
- I feel awkward in his/her presence.
Sum up the scores for each scale separately.
Scale 1: 1, 3, 6, 7, 9, 12, 14, 16, 17, 20.
Scale 2: 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 15, 18, 19.
Scale 1 measures the aspect of love such as passionate infatuation, and scale 2 measures deep affection. If your score on scale 1 is between 40 and 45 points and is approximately equal to the score on the attachment scale, it can be said that you do not yet have feelings of romantic love for your chosen one.
What testing showed during the study
This test was tested on a sample of 560 people aged from 19-20 to 55 years. 2/3 of the sample were women. Turning to the results obtained by the research team, the subjects from the United States received the highest score on scale 1, “passionate love.”
Partners who were married or living together, as well as those who were in the dating stage, scored between 20 and 30 on the “passionately in love” scale. These were residents of Holland and the USA. Subjects who were in a civil or official marriage received the highest score on the “deep attachment” scale.
So, we can conclude that the longer you are in an intimate relationship with your partner, the greater the likelihood that the score on the “passionate love” scale will be below the average mark on the 7-point scale. In this case, the score on the “deep attachment” scale will be close to 7 points. This means that if you score low on the passionate crush scale and high on the deep affection scale, then your relationship is destined to last a long time.
Another interesting result of this study. It turns out that in both the American and Dutch samples, high scores on the “passionate love” scale have a positive relationship with the experience of negative emotions and feelings. And in subjects with high scores on the “deep attachment” scale, indicators of negative emotions (for example, jealousy, fear, anxiety, despair), on the contrary, are lower.
If you want your relationship to be happy and long-lasting , the experience of deep affection for your partner that will make it so It is advisable that the basis of your love relationship be “secure attachment”. We hope that we have helped you understand a little about this aspect of relationships.
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Does your chosen one love you: test
How many daisies have suffered answering this eternal girlish question “Does she love you or doesn’t she love you?” And he suffered in vain, because you can’t understand exactly what his attitude towards you is hiding underneath with just tearing off the petals. Manifestations of love are so multifaceted that even a spruce tree will not help here, even if you pluck all its needles one by one. It is possible to understand the manifestations of a young man’s feelings only through a detailed analysis of his actions.
There is no methodology that would classify the manifestation of feelings. Everyone expresses them in their own way, depending on temperament, situation, circumstances. One is able to sing serenades under the balcony of his beloved, regardless of the neighbors, while the other, even in private, cannot bring himself to utter the cherished words of recognition. And not because he doesn’t love, but because he simply CAN’T!
How to understand his true attitude? One of the main criteria is a sincere interest in the partner, in his affairs, concerns, the desire to help cope with troubles, to take on the solution of at least part of the problems.
Also an indicator is his desire to attract interest to himself. If a guy tells you about his successes, this is not necessarily bragging, this is one of the ways to win your attention and interest you in his person. And if he wants to do this, it means he is not indifferent to you.
And a very clear sign of a special attitude towards your partner is the desire to introduce him to your circle of acquaintances. There is no need to talk about introducing the parents.
Understand his feelings
So, all of the above signs are present. So he loves? To be sure of this, try answering the questions on the proposed test.
- Are you sure that your experiences are important to him?
a) Yes, I’m sure he has proven this more than once;
b) Sometimes I am sure of this, and sometimes he shows himself to be a real egoist.
c) It’s unlikely, only he and his feelings are important to him.
- Is he capable of presenting pleasant surprises?
a) What more! And always to the point!
b) Sometimes this happens;
c) You’ll get it from him, of course!
- Does he know the little things about your daily life (who is your boss, your favorite friend, what kind of music do you like)?
a) Yes, he is interested in my life;
b) Not everything, but he knows something about me;
c) No, he is not interested in this at all.
- Does he often ask you for help?
a) As a rule, he even rejects my offered help;
b) Rarely, but it happens;
c) Very often.
- Whose apartment do you live in?
a) This is his apartment;
b) This is my apartment;
c) We rent an apartment together.
- Do you often feel guilty towards him?
a) Almost never;
b) Sometimes this happens;
c) I always feel guilty about something to him.
- Did he ask you to borrow money?
a) No, on the contrary, I periodically borrow from him;
b) Well, it happened a couple of times;
c) Not only asks, but also does not always give.
- Do you hear criticism from him about you?
a) Practically none;
b) It happens, but always reasoned;
c) Almost every day.
- In the event of your illness, he...
a) takes care of you, cares for you like an experienced nurse;
b) will provide everything you need, but he is unlikely to stay at home with you;
c) wish you recovery and go about your business.
So, you have answered all the questions. Count which answer options you have the most. If under the letter “a” , he proves his love not with words, but with actions. You are truly dear to him, as are your feelings. This attitude towards oneself must be appreciated and responded in kind.
Did your answers mostly center around option “b” ? Well, not bad. His attitude towards you can hardly be called all-consuming, selfless love, but it is also impossible to say that for some reason he simply benefits from an alliance with you. Most likely, this is just a relationship that suits both of you. But who said that this is not a form of love?
Does he love you?
And finally, the predominance of option “c” in the answers . This is where it’s worth thinking about it. Perhaps he just nestled comfortably under your wing and is next to you because it is convenient for him? Try not to adapt to him a couple of times, do what you think is necessary, not him. His reaction will be the best indicator in the question of “whether he loves you.”
No matter what your test result is, remember that you should never become complacent in your relationship. After all, as you know, the theorem called “Love” needs to be proven every day.
How do you know if you love someone?
If a person asks himself this question, it means that he is already on the way to distinguishing sympathy or love from a sincere, real feeling. He only needs to take a few steps to figure out whether he really loves.
There are several generally accepted principles that will most likely tell you exactly what you feel for your chosen one. But they will give advice, not make a diagnosis! These are just general outlines that outline the boundaries separating love from affection or comfortable coexistence.
- So, first of all, selflessness in relationships. If you expect gifts, money, help, etc. from him. – this is definitely not love.
- Do you accept it as it is, without trying to “adjust” it to your rules and habits, do you put up with its shortcomings and don’t even consider them as such? Then we can say that the basis of your feeling is love.
- Do you talk about everything without concealment, trusting and without fear of ridicule? Are you sure that you will be listened to, understood and supported? And most importantly, are you ready to respond in kind? Well, your feelings are sincere.
Understand your feelings
To test your feelings, you can try answering the following questions:
- Is the time when you see your partner the best part of the day?
- Do you want to do everything in your power to make him happy?
- Are you comfortable around him?
- Are you counting down every minute until you meet him?
- Does long separation scare you?
- Is he the first person you remember after waking up, and the last one when you fall asleep?
- Are you making plans for a future together?
If your answers are positive, everything that happens to you really resembles love. If you have doubts when answering this or that question, perhaps your feelings have not yet become stronger. Or maybe you are not confident in yourself, but not in your partner? In any case, there is something to think about.
The main thing is to listen only to yourself, to the voice of your heart and the advice of your mind. After all, no one but you can determine what is primary and what is secondary in your relationship. Under no circumstances should you build them according to the example of friends, parents, movie characters, etc. You are only you, and your feelings are unique. And remember that there are no feelings and experiences “in their pure form”: in love there is attachment, infatuation, passion, and even disappointment. That's why she is love. Multifaceted and comprehensive.
Love language test
The Love Language Test (IDR-LLT) is developed by IDRlabs. The IDR-LLT test is based on the work of Dr. Gary Chapman, who is the author of the book “The Five Love Languages” and also the psychological test of the same name. The IDR-LLT is not associated with any specific research study in psychology, counseling psychology, or specific institutions.
This test describes love languages as follows: Words: People whose love language is “words” express their love through kind words and encouragement. Their love language includes verbal praise or compliments. They also feel loved when others speak to them in a friendly and encouraging tone or send them sweet messages, love notes, or inspirational quotes.
Attention: People with this love language express their love by giving someone else their undivided attention. This focus may include long, deep one-on-one conversations—creating special moments together by turning off phones and avoiding other distractions. They themselves feel loved when they receive attention, and they strengthen their relationships by spending time with loved ones.
Gifts: People whose love language is “gifts” value the effort and creativity that goes into the gifts they receive and give. They view gifts as important symbols of love and affection. It's important to note that people with this love language usually don't expect expensive or large gifts as they value the feelings and meaning behind things. They feel loved when others take the time to find the “perfect” gift for them, and they express their love by finding the perfect gifts for others.
Actions: People whose love language is “actions” enjoy it when others do everyday, helpful things for them. They feel loved when others take the time to do small favors for them, such as when others make them tea or coffee just the way they like it, or when their partner volunteers to help them with tasks that are difficult or tiring for them. This love language is the origin of the famous proverb “actions speak louder than words.”
Touch: People whose love language is touch love to be hugged and touched. They love to be physically with people they feel comfortable with. Their love language is the language of physical affection. For example, their ideal date involves holding hands, hugging, sitting next to each other, and just enjoying the closeness and familiarity.
The IDRlabs Love Language Test is based on Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages test, published in The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing. ISBN 978-1881273158. Chapman, Gary D.; Campbell, Ross (1997). The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively. Chicago: Northfield Publishing. ISBN 9780802403476. OCLC 1020412967. Egbert, Nichole; Polk, Denise (23 Aug 2006). "Speaking the Language of Relational Maintenance: A Validity Test of Chapman's Five Love Languages." Communication Research Reports. 23 (1): 19–26.
As the creators of this free online love language test to determine your way of expressing your feelings, we have made every effort to ensure that this test is reliable and valid through extensive testing and statistical data control. However, free online tests such as this one provide information “as is” and should not be construed as providing professional or certified advice of any kind. For more information about our online tests, please read our Terms of Service.
