- October 21, 2018
- Psychology of Personality
- Lyudmila Antonova
Understanding your own feelings is quite a difficult task. Those who understand themselves and live in harmony with their inner world are usually happy and successful. But unfortunately, more and more often we hear the question of how to understand yourself and your feelings for a certain person.
How to understand the truth of your feelings
What is love? It can't just come out of nowhere. There is a phrase: “Falling in love at first sight”, this is not true. In fact, to understand whether you need a person, whether I love him, it’s not so easy to understand. Perhaps it’s just sympathy, or maybe it’s a feeling of falling in love; it will be possible to determine exactly after a certain time. My personal opinion is that you can understand the sincerity of your feelings only if you listen to your heart and soul... no matter how crazy it may sound.
The art of understanding without words: can it be learned?
Probably, in the life of each of us there is at least one person who understands us without words. And if not, then I would certainly like such a person to appear. And not only to you, but also to many of the people around you. Can you yourself become for someone someone who will understand without words, by just a glance or even just silence? We are confident that this can be done, because this is also a skill and, like any other, it can be trained and developed. In this article, we highlight the main nuances of this process and provide useful recommendations. Read more…
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How to understand whether you love a person or is it affection
Very dire consequences can arise if we do not determine in time what is happening to us. Do we love a person, or are we still attached to him because of our habit. Over time, we get used to our partner. We begin to miss him, we remember ridiculous moments with each other, we remember his smell, the timbre of his voice, his wishes before going to bed. Underneath all this, we may not be able to grasp what feeling really overcame us: love or infatuation.
The danger is that if you marry such a person, you are taking a very big risk. You risk dooming yourself to an unhappy life, and all because over time you will begin to misunderstand each other, you will begin to be more and more disappointed in your partner. The problem will be your attachment, because attachment very thinly borders on such an understanding as dependence. Agree, addiction already sounds alarming. For us, a person really becomes like a drug. And we need constant nourishment of his presence in our lives. It looks unhealthy. If you understand your true feelings in time, you can make the right decision. And avoid the bitterness of fate.
Attachment is dangerous because it is difficult to distinguish it from love. It is expressed in support, care, compassion and empathy for the person for whom we have feelings. Unfortunately, when we fall in love, we are guided not by our sincere desires, but most often by fears of losing our object of adoration. If a girl is attached to a guy, all her actions will be tense, she will be more withdrawn, holding back her emotions and trying to please her partner in everything. And all this will happen because of the fear of losing a loved one.
And now the question. During real love and sincere feelings, is it worth pretending? Is there a reason to hide your emotions, desires, control your every step..? NO... Love is a sincere feeling in which you are ready to share your emotions, every piece of your life with him for free. You don't even think about what you will get in response. You are glad that you show him your attention and see your boyfriend’s sincere smile and his loving eyes in response.
Love, first of all, is sincerity and relaxation towards the person for whom you have feelings. You can check your feelings for your chosen one by answering just one question, but you need to answer honestly. You shouldn't lie to yourself. What exactly makes you have feelings for him? If this is affection, then these will be values that represent wealth, status, everything that is not related to love:
- Material values.
- A sense of responsibility for your partner. Responsibility is implied not as a girl's boyfriend or vice versa, but as a “parent” - “child”.
- Loneliness. One of our biggest fears as women. We are afraid to remain unwanted, and then we are afraid to get used to another partner.
- Comfort zone. We get used to our partner, the environment, our attitude towards ourselves. And we are not ready to change all this.
- Feeling of gratitude. We believe that we are obliged to a person and try to answer him in kind.
- Guilt. Often we believe that the guy helped us get out of our apathy, not noticing how we ended up in a new one, only with addiction.
When it's love, you don't care about his well-being, don't care about his social status and where he lives. Love is a selfless feeling that provides the opportunity to drown in your feelings for your partner while being next to him.
Why is there a need to understand your own feelings?
Very often, young people confuse their emotions and feelings for a person, perceiving them completely differently from what they really are. This can lead to false love. Sometimes such unnecessary relationships end quite painlessly. After a few months, both realize that they are not suitable for each other.
There are also situations when awareness comes to us after several years of marriage, when we already have children together. In this case the situation is much worse. In order to avoid such unpleasant moments in your life, you need to understand as early as possible how you feel towards the other person.
How to understand that your loved one loves you
After all, only mutual love can be happy, and everyone wants to be sure that their sympathy does not go unanswered. And even when, it seems, your relationship is developing quite normally, sometimes doubts about reciprocal feelings continue to gnaw at your soul. After all, you want to be sure that they love you, and not just spend time with you or, even worse, use your love for some unknown purposes of their own. So is there any way to really understand your partner's feelings?
Infatuation and love. So similar and so different
Even if you suddenly notice that your partner is beginning to grow cold towards you. You should not rush to accuse him of deceiving you. The fact is that it is quite possible that what you took for love on his part was just a short-term infatuation with falling in love. And at the same time, he himself could be quite sure that he really loves you. But some time passed, the first sensations dulled, and this feeling gradually faded away. Yes, unfortunately, this happens quite often. However, this can happen to you too. This is why it is so important to distinguish between these two feelings, which are so similar at the first stage, in order to really understand that you are loved. What is the difference between them?
If you notice that your partner is trying to idealize you and endow you with all sorts of virtues that you may not possess, then you should be wary. This is certainly pleasant, but this is not love, but just falling in love. And then, when the first veil falls from your eyes, your partner may be very disappointed, sad as it may be. Therefore, don’t try to seem better than you really are; you still won’t be able to deceive yourself and others for long.
But true love, it does not come as quickly as falling in love, but at the same time you can be sure that the person evaluates you quite soberly, well understanding all your shortcomings, along with your merits, and accepting you at the same time. This feeling may not seem as joyful and easy to you as falling in love, but you can be 100 percent confident in your partner, as well as in the fact that they will not suddenly leave you when circumstances change.
Does your partner care about you?
Perhaps this is the best way to be sure of your partner’s love. How to understand that you are loved? Yes, very simple. A loving partner will care about how you feel, whether you are cold, whether you had time to have lunch. He will try to present you with pleasant surprises and not only on your Birthday or New Year, but just like that, so that your mood is lifted. And even if it is just a small plush bunny, this gift will contain all the love and tenderness that your partner feels for you.
Does your partner share his thoughts and desires with you?
Another great indicator that you're loved isn't your partner asking you what you want, although that certainly does that too. But a much more important sign is that he initiates you into his dreams, plans and desires. If you are allowed into your worries and worries, then this is an obvious sign that your partner completely trusts you, and, therefore, you can not doubt his sincere feelings.
They love not for something, but in spite of everything
Attachment always follows the path of jealousy. You hesitate because of the fear of losing your boyfriend, you become more nervous and start to go crazy because of your own and groundless mistrust of him. If this happens, then you no longer love him. Love is built on complete trust and confidence in the fidelity of your partner.
One of the ways to understand whether it is love or not is intimacy. If your desire to lie down with your partner comes to you less and less often, this is a reason to think about it. Otherwise, sex only becomes more sensitive, more varied, you become more and more hungry for each other in the desire to feel your partner.
During the time of sincere feelings of love, you do not think about how you could live with another partner. You won't even have a thought. You are completely absorbed in what is happening to you and your current loved one. You can openly communicate with your significant other on any topic without fear of condemnation or misunderstanding on his part. This is true love!
It is important to understand that attachment is not always a bad thing. This is an integral part of our life, which can develop into a wonderful feeling. But also don’t get hung up on it if this doesn’t happen. Sooner or later you will have to understand this when you meet sincere love, and at that moment parting will bring enormous mental pain...
What feelings should alert you?
What signs of love can mislead you?
There are also rather dubious signs of love. They need to be treated with caution and assessed in the context of your other feelings and events that happen in life:
- The best thing that happened to you during the day was meeting your partner. We can talk about love only if, in general, everything in your life is very good, and meeting a partner is a pleasant bonus. If he is your only outlet, then believe me, this is not love.
- You have begun to think very seriously about your partner's needs. This is great if you don’t sacrifice yourself or destroy yourself. Giving yourself completely to a person without reserve, leaving nothing for yourself, is the path to the abyss. A loving person, by the way, will never accept such sacrifices.
If you are an adult and sensible person, then you will definitely analyze your feelings. Understand first of all that this is your life, and you should not give its moments to someone who is not destined for you.
Questions to get to know a person better
You've probably had situations when you wanted to get to know a person better, but didn't know what questions to ask him so as not to seem rude or incorrect. This ultimately led to awkwardness and missed opportunities. We've all been there: when we're interested in someone, it's not always clear how to break the ice. If you really want to get to know someone, you need to learn to ask the right questions. Experienced communicators know that the right question at the right time can work wonders. It will help you start a conversation, get to know a person better, achieve goals and, of course, understand true feelings. Read more…
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How to understand whether you love or not: signs of sympathy
Signs of sympathy can be different
Falling in love is a very similar feeling to love. Finding the difference between these feelings is very difficult. It’s not for nothing that there is so much debate among scientists. On the Internet you can find a huge number of books and publications on this topic. I read some and picked out a few simple signs of attraction rather than love. Focusing on them, you will be able to determine for yourself whether you love the one who is next to you now or not.
You think your partner is different from everyone else
Yes, you may be dating an interesting person. This person is most likely an object of admiration not only for you, but also for a wider audience. This does not mean at all that love has settled in your heart. You fell in love, you were enchanted. But imagine if all this “scum” of popularity disappeared from him in an instant. Would you be as excited?
You admire more than just his appearance
You are interested in his achievements, thoughts, plans. I also watch some bloggers because I am interested in them as people, but not because I have love for them. Think about what exactly attracts you to this person. If this is not a desire to be like him, but sincere feelings, then your relationship has very great potential.
Do you sincerely want this person to be happy?
We should wish happiness to everyone - even our enemies. I think that you would definitely want your family to be happy. If you, at your core, are not such a person, and your partner is an exception to the rule, there is a high probability that you are in love.
With this person you are ready to try something that you have not done before
Congratulations! A faithful friend and a good friend is next to you. Perhaps he is your soulmate. It’s just not a fact that you are in love. This can only be verified by time and the trials of fate.
If you now have such feelings in a relationship, this suggests that with a high degree of probability love can happen, but everything will depend only on your personal qualities, behavior and turns of fate. Just don't rush to conclusions.
Signs of love
