“A friend is someone who believes in you when you no longer believe in yourself.” This quote accurately describes the role a friend plays in your life. Friends are those who are always there for you, whether through good times or bad times. They will always lend a helping hand under any circumstances. When you sit with a friend, you don’t feel the need to say something; he understands you, even if you are silent. However, many people do not realize the importance of friends in life. In this short article I want to explain why friends are important and what role they play in our lives.
Why do we need friends?
My best friends are the people I feel safe talking to about crazy, sad, and hurtful feelings.
- We need friends to laugh with us in the happy moments of life and to provide us with a shoulder when we feel like crying. They serve as one of the main pillars in our lives.
- Friends are the few who accept us for who we are. They never come into our lives expecting us to change for them. However, they correct us when we are wrong.
- They say that you need to hear the bitter truth about yourself, go to your best friend. A friend will never lie to you just to please you and earn your favor. What a friend says is true about you.
- You can always count on your friends if you need any advice or help. They will never refuse to help you. The best part is that a friend's advice will always be for your own good, whether it hurts you or makes you happy.
- After family, friends are the ones who care about you. They bring a smile to your face when you are sad and do good things to make you feel good.
- Friends are those with whom we can share our deepest secrets without worrying about them spilling the beans. They recognize our worst ideas and try to fulfill our stupidest wishes.
- Friends feel happy in your success and sad in your failure. They share all your feelings and make you feel like there is someone else who cares about you. When you have friends, you will never feel lonely.
- Friends love you and care about you. They always make you feel special and never expect anything in return other than your love and friendship. They remain faithful throughout their lives.
Good friends can add special meaning to life. They help you share the good times and overcome the difficult ones.
Moral support
And now we can move on from psychological terms to life. Why do you need a friend? For many, to provide moral support. A friend is a person who will help you get up if you fall. The importance of emotional and verbal assistance is sometimes underestimated. But when a person is broken and depressed, sincere empathy, sympathy, as well as praise, consolation and approval can heal him.
And it is very difficult to find the right words. This can only be done by someone who knows the sad person well. And that's why you need a friend. This is a close person who is aware of the problems and mental characteristics of his friend. He knows very well what points need to be “pressed” in order to make you smile and make you understand that everything is not so bad. In psychology, by the way, this is called the moral and ethical side of friendship.
Good friends can:
Improve your mood
. Happiness can be contagious. Spending time with happy and positive friends can lift your mood and improve your appearance.
Help you achieve your goals
. Whether you're trying to lose weight, quit smoking, or otherwise improve your life, the support of friends can really increase your willpower and your chances of success.
Reduce stress and depression
. Having an active social life can strengthen your immune system and reduce isolation, a major factor in depression.
Support you in difficult times
. Even if you just have the opportunity to share your problems, friends can help you cope with a serious illness, job loss, relationship breakup, or any other challenge in life.
Will support you as you grow old
. As you age and retire, illness and death of loved ones can often leave you isolated. And then friends can help you, who can be a buffer against depression, disability, deprivation and loss. Staying socially connected as you age will help you feel positive and increase your happiness.
Increase your self-esteem
. Friendship is a two-way street, and the giving party contributes to your own sense of value and self-worth. Being on the other side for your friends makes you feel needed and adds purpose to your life.
But it has to be the right kind of relationship. The question to ask yourself is, “Am I really the best version of myself to spend time with these people?” I hope the answer is yes
general information
Why do you need a friend? At a minimum, in order to satisfy another person’s natural need for communication. When people come into contact with each other, interpersonal relationships arise, during which the personal qualities of both one and the other opponent appear. And it is they who develop this or that attitude towards each other in people. Qualities may vary. Both uniting, bringing together, and repulsive. Their manifestation helps to understand whether communication with this person is promising or not.
The psychology of friendship was associated by scientists with attraction. This is a concept that defines the attraction of one person to another. The attraction includes many aspects. The needs of a person, for example, which lead him to choose a certain partner for friendship. His qualities, again. Belonging to the same social circle. Understanding the needs and feelings of another – that is, the ability to feel the world of a partner’s experiences. And even the property of a psychotherapist.
An excellent quote on this topic comes from Rosalyn Diamond. It concerns empathy (conscious feeling for another person): “This is an imaginary transference of oneself into the feelings, emotions, actions and thoughts of an opponent. And the ability to structure the world according to his model.” A person capable of this is a friend in the modern sense.
Problems
There are different answers to the question of why friends are needed. And many say that it is for help. Moral support was mentioned above, but this is something else.
They say that a friend is not the one who is there in good times, but the one who helps in difficult times. Life is not always rosy. And sometimes things happen that you are afraid to tell even to a psychologist who strictly observes the ethics of professional secrecy.
A friend is a time-tested person who has proven his reliability through his actions and attitude towards a person. Someone who knows how to keep a secret. And he treats her as if he were his own. A person who will not change his attitude towards someone he considers his friend, no matter what happens. And he will try to do everything in his power to make his loved one feel better.
Without friends I am a little bit, but with friends I am a lot
In general, evolutionary scientists believe that we need friends not only to laugh at memes together or to help in return for a favor (today you gave salt to your neighbor, and tomorrow he will lend you washing powder). All this is too small for evolution. After observing dolphins, sharks and monkeys, researchers decided that the role of groups is rather political: complex group alliances help you survive, especially when you swim in foreign waters.
It works in a similar way for people. Psychologist from Brandeis University (USA) Peter De Scioli analyzed profiles on social networks and came to the same conclusion as scientists who observed animals.
We are looking for people who will take our side if something happens.
Well, until the conflict happens, we can just walk together and look good from the outside. This, however, is not a joke, but also the results of a study. Psychologists from the University of California, San Diego, discovered in 2013 the so-called cheerleader effect: if you go out with friends, you look more attractive than when you go alone. And it's not about how you look compared to your girlfriend - this is a general rule. Everyone will seem more beautiful surrounded by others. Isn't this a reason to look around in search of comrades?
What is a best friend?
Among all our comrades, there are always those whom we value much more than others. Their friendship is much more important to us than anything else, because they are the ones we call best friends. But why does this happen? What makes us make such a choice? And who is a best friend?
Best friends are those people whom you can unconditionally trust with any secret. You can always rely on them, no matter what difficulties you need to endure. They will not betray, will not deceive, and will guide you on the path of truth if there is such a need.
Quite often, people become best friends after going through a number of life situations together. Some of them may be sad, others, on the contrary, are pleasant to remember in the evenings. But they are the link that connects people for many years.
What friendship can give
Why is friendship needed? She occupies a special place in our lives. There is practically no benefit to it. People can start communicating or end relationships whenever they want. There are no legal obligations. Sometimes people make friends for selfish purposes. But such relationships do not stand the test of time. They last only as long as there is benefit. This is not real friendship.
If relationships are based on trust and goodwill, they can give a person support. It’s so nice to share joys and victories. Situations like these are the best indicators for true comrades. True friends will always be by your side. They really want to help sincerely, and not because they feel responsible. They will be happy about your success. At the same time, the feeling of envy is alien to friends.
If a person has no friends at all, he causes a completely justified fear among those around him. Such people obviously have problems with communication. They may have too high expectations of others. Such people try to fill the emptiness in life due to the fact that they have no friends through relationships with the opposite sex. At the same time, they try to associate all expectations with only one person. The other half will have to spend 24 hours a day with their partner, share all interests and at the same time completely abandon their own. Your loved one will perceive your friends quite jealously and even aggressively. You should beware of those who cannot be friends and do not know how to do this.
Friends are needed for sincere and natural communication. At the same time, there is no need to wear any masks and follow certain rules that constantly apply in everyday life. Only with friends can we be natural:
- not always successful;
- smart;
- a little happy.
We get a unique opportunity to express our emotions and not be afraid of judgement. We are capable of doing stupid things and having the most amazing experiences in life. In these moments we are relaxed and open.
Why are we less friends?
Almost 8 billion people live on Earth today, but it seems that we have never been so divided. And it’s not just about quarantine measures.
American researchers have calculated that over the past 30 years, the number of close friends people have has decreased from 3 to 1.
We have begun to think less collectively; the individual, the person, rather than some group, comes to the fore. And despite the fact that it is now easier than ever to call someone on another continent or have intimate conversations at any time face-to-face via video, it is very troublesome for the modern city dweller to make friends.
First, relationships require self-disclosure and a high degree of honesty. At the same time, we now expect absolute security: a loved one should not be toxic or devaluing, otherwise the relationship will bring us suffering.
Secondly, friendship is an expensive business. She needs to sacrifice hours of joint conversations, common affairs and entertainment. Researcher Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas in 2022 found that for a simple acquaintance to develop into a friendly relationship, we need about 50 hours of communication. Another 40 hours will be needed for a friendship to be called friendship, and to be considered close friends, the counter needs to be increased to 200 hours. And if this time is not particularly pleasant, nothing will come of it.
In addition, more priority relationships can get in the way of friendship.
In 2010, Oxford anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that a new romantic partner displaces two friends from our inner circle.
We may be more willing to invest in loving relationships. It’s easy to tell your friends: “I have a date, so let’s put off bowling,” but try telling your girlfriend a couple of hours before a romantic meeting: “Sorry, but today I just want to relax with my friends, find out how Kolyan’s dog is doing...”
On what principles is friendship based?
But trust alone is not enough for an ordinary acquaintance to turn into something more. Therefore, in order to understand who friends are, we need to consider the main components of friendship. Namely:
- Openness in communication. It's hard to be friends with someone you can't fully understand. Therefore, it is very important to be extremely sincere when communicating with friends - this will help build strong relationships.
- Unselfishness. Friendship is not a business relationship, and certainly not a trade alliance. All actions must be performed without any intention, because what is the point of being friends with someone who comes to the rescue only when it is beneficial for him?
- Participation. Friends do not forget about each other both in moments of joy and in troubled times. A good friend regularly asks: “How are you doing? Are you okay? When can we meet and just talk about life?”
Communication
Why do people need each other? At least in order to talk. Communication is interesting. During the conversation, people share news, interesting stories, impressions, experiences, and discuss various topics.
As a rule, a close friend is also a like-minded person to whom you can shamelessly express your point of view on this or that issue, without fear that a conflict or dispute will now brew. Because your friend will support and even complement what was said with his comment.
But friends tend to have differences. And this is good, because the point of view of another person perfectly complements the picture of the world of his interlocutor. It is with a friend that a tactful and interesting conversation, a productive discussion and correct dialogue are possible. A loved one will always explain why he thinks so, and will not seek to blame his opponent and impose his point of view on him. All this is not only interesting, but also useful, since such communication enriches us as individuals.
How is friendship different from camaraderie?
Comrades are not friends, they are a circle of friends whose communication comes down to a common worldview or a common view of some things. Such people can unite based on interests, a joint business or work.
Companionship can often precede friendship.
Pastime
We all relax differently. But each of us likes to meet with friends. Some do this often, others rarely. So why do you need a best friend? Then, to have fun together and get new experiences. The two of you can make everything more fun and interesting. And accordingly, there will be more positive impressions from your time spent.
You can go to the movies, cafes, nightclubs, amusement parks together, or just walk around the city and have a conversation at the same time. It’s better to plan a trip together to another city or even country. Such a pastime, as a rule, brings people closer together. Relationships will be refreshed, new and valuable impressions and unusual experiences will appear. Maybe traveling together will turn into your favorite hobby.
About quantity
There is one excellent phrase in the Russian language that many of us use throughout life in various areas. And it also applies to friendship. And the phrase goes like this: “The main thing is not quantity, but quality.”
Looking at people who communicate with a whole crowd of people and maintain friendly relations with them, you involuntarily ask the question - why do you need many friends? Strictly speaking, this is a matter for each person individually. If he wants, please do so. But, as practice shows, such people do not have a really close, true friend. They always have someone to hang out with, but they don’t have someone to vent to.
But again, you cannot limit yourself to one person. Because this can be fraught with difficulties when socializing in an unfamiliar group. A diverse social circle is beneficial. It provides an opportunity to learn something new, gain previously unfamiliar skills and knowledge. In general, there is a golden mean here too.
Over time we all grow up
It is much more difficult to make friends as an adult. After all, now the world does not seem as welcoming and kind as before. We try to find hidden intentions behind every action, and the saddest thing is that they often really exist.
It is quite difficult to open up to strangers, which is why true friends appear so rarely in our lives. More often, a person just makes friends with whom he can have fun, but certainly not go on “reconnaissance.”
And yet, even in this period of life, we meet those whom we have the right to consider friends. Even if this doesn’t happen so often, this only makes their importance even greater. Having met such a person, you need to strive with all your might to develop your friendship so that it ultimately bears fruit.
