How to stop communicating with a person without offending him? Three strategies for ending relationships with people - without causing mental trauma, feelings of revenge and other negativity.
The world is changing. In the 20th century, people fought to build communications; it was believed that whoever has more acquaintances is more successful. How many times have we been taught this “don’t have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends”, that a person will definitely come in handy someday.
Previously, we communicated by letters and telegrams. This took months, you could simply not answer the letter, and the person would not be offended - what if it was lost in the mail?
Today, times are different: mobile communications, the Internet, “delivered” statuses
. You can’t hide, you can’t deceive, you can’t get away with it. This is real unfreedom, prison and punishment if you don’t know how to behave correctly.
How many people nowadays waste themselves maintaining relationships with their exes? Not only with a guy or girl, but also with a friend, work colleague, classmate. Social networks are literally networks; getting out of the vicious circle of communication can be extremely difficult. Empty talk wastes time, positive emotions, and mental strength.
“And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away from you, for it is better for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body should be cast into hell” (Matt. 5:29-30)
To maintain your integrity, it is important to be able to limit unnecessary communication. If you feel like the relationship is making you worse, cut the rope without regret. This is an axiom of wisdom.
So, the right psychological techniques for ending a relationship without bad consequences.
Strategy #1: Honest Conversation
This is the only effective way to end a relationship with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, boyfriend or girlfriend, if the communication lasted for many years. If you were really very close, then the old methods of gradual abstraction for such cases do not work. Just talk frankly and explain. Kindly. Apologize, thank you for everything, and say goodbye.
Claiming that “there is no time” is stupid, especially if you lead an active life on social networks. Any distance, attending an event without an ex-friend, will cause him pain or resentment.
You spent a lot of time with the person, he has the right to a sincere explanation. Let him know that it's time to start a new stage of life. Be sincere. Today this is appreciated.
The most important thing in this case is to emphasize the good sides of your ex, try to outline his future prospects, say that someday you will definitely meet at a conference of oligarchs and drink coffee happy. Sometimes it’s useful to outline a period, for example, let’s separate for 10 years and then share our successes.
That is, a person must understand that he left a mark in your life, you do not throw him away like a rag
, you believe in him, but your paths have just diverged for now. This method is good even if the person betrayed you or did something nasty. Making peace and parting honestly when two former friends understand each other is the best thing.
Realize the need itself
Why did you decide to break off this relationship? Awareness of the reasons will not allow you to succumb to momentary weakness when remembering the good moments of your relationship and will give you strength to build new boundaries. Do you feel like you are being used? That you stop being yourself or change for the worse? That you just feel sorry for the time and emotions for this communication? Take at least a short break , allow yourself to be away from this person and find answers to the questions posed.
Do not give in to emotions and provocations: it is useful to think carefully about ending communication with a “cool head”
In order for this difficult process to go smoothly, determination is required. Any hesitation or attempts to revive communication introduce unnecessary drama. Remember: if you feel bad in this communication, you have the right to end it unilaterally . In many situations, it will be healthier and calmer for both to explain themselves without leaving any unanswered points, but for this you need to have a remarkable sense of tact, true diplomacy and politeness.
Parting gracefully without leaving any grudges is a special skill
Strategy #2: Modern distancing
If a person is not close, there was no intimacy or long-term friendship with him, he is not a relative or an ex-husband (wife), then you can stop communicating by gradually distancing yourself. In the modern world, this means that you carefully set up your accounts on Odnoklassniki, VK and Facebook so that, if possible, news from your life is not visible to him.
In personal communication, you need to stop sharing details of your personal life. During meetings, general phrases, politeness, and a standard smile are used. The “American mask” works great when a person is told “ok”, “how are you?”, “excellent”, patted on the shoulder, and passes by.
You need to move away gradually
. If we are talking about a company, about corporate or business meetings, then you will have to have joint rendezvous for some time, each time increasing the skipping interval.
Gradual distance makes it clear that you are not neglecting the person, you just have other priorities.
And, of course, you should not be the initiator of communication. Reply with a slight delay, but always politely. After some time, the relationship with the person will fade away; he may experience slight bewilderment, but not resentment. Although you need to be able to feel the situation, often put yourself in the place of your counterpart.
What if it doesn't work out?
If all the effort you put into escaping the friend zone has gone to waste and your man still sees you as nothing more than a girlfriend, don't despair. Never blame yourself and learn to accept the fact that not everything always goes according to plan. Let him go and move on.
Knowing that the door to your boyfriend's heart is closed should give you the motivation to focus on yourself and other men. The main thing is not to give up on love. People who are faced with an unrequited feeling are often afraid of falling in love again. Don't let yourself miss another chance at love just because of one man with whom your hopes weren't met. Know your worth. You are amazing, and when you realize this, you will definitely meet someone who will love you the way you deserve.
If you are at the very beginning of the journey from a friend to a loved one, remember that there is hope! Friendship is a good foundation for a romantic relationship. Men often marry their best friends. In this case, you have already won half the battle for the simple reason that you have a strong connection. He already loves you! You both just have to operate in a slightly different dynamic. Sexual spark is your missing link.
Move on to gender communication, show your friend your feminine side. Just look, he will become more than a friend to you!
Strategy No. 3: creating unbearable conditions
Many great leaders are distinguished by the fact that they never say “no”. They simply set conditions under which their client or partner himself refuses the deal. The same technique can be used when stopping communication. There will be no grievances left, since the initiator of the breakup will not be you, but your object.
You can ask a person to borrow money. Yes, several times, a large amount. This works great even with intrusive relatives. If they give it, they will delay the delivery date and fray your nerves.
As an option, invite them to meetings several times in an unfavorable location. Here you need to know the person’s personal tastes; he will definitely refuse. A rocker goes to the Alsou concert, a shy and poor person goes to a pretentious restaurant, a coward goes to an amusement park, a partygoer goes to a museum or gallery. And almost 99% of all people go to a meeting in some sect.
For the most cheerful ones, you can show counter-obsession. Such that the person will run away from you. And then “get offended” at him.
A clingy person can be introduced to an individual of the same temperament. For someone who calls all the time and likes to talk, advertise “BMW X5 for sale for 50 thousand rubles.” Sign up a boring person for some voluntary surveys, where they will drain the soul out of him.
So it is possible to stop communication without consequences in our time, but the main thing is to use the right line of behavior so that the subject does not harm or take revenge in the future. The above examples work well.
How to understand that your loved ones are toxic people
In applied psychology, toxic character traits are viewed through the prism of the “dark triad” DN Jones, DL Paulhus. Differentiating the Dark Triad within the interpersonal circumplex / Handbook of Interpersonal Psychology - narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy.
Narcissists are extremely self-centered and have an inflated sense of self-importance. Machiavellians are cunning manipulators who playfully use others to their advantage. And psychopathy is expressed through apathy, impulsiveness and a desire to take risks.
Some of these types of toxic people just irritate us to no end, like the friend who constantly brags about how great he is. Connecting with others threatens our self-esteem, happiness, and even mental health.
Asking questions
From time to time, any person has a desire to conquer certain peaks in the professional, creative or personal sphere.
Achieving success in this case will be influenced by many different factors, including the degree of motivation, self-discipline, willingness to take responsibility for decisions made and their implementation, hard work and the ability to overcome difficulties. Of course, here a lot will depend on the person himself, his ability to coordinate efforts, directing them in the right direction. However, the environment will also play its (even episodic) role, facilitating or, on the contrary, hindering our movement towards the goal. That is why every person should ask a number of important questions: “Who do I spend most of my time with?”, “How do these people behave towards me?”, “Are they providing me with real help or are they just throwing around promises?”, “What benefits can I get from communicating with the people around me?” and so on.
Emotional vampirism
What is an emotional vampire? Often a close and sweet person. Behind his external concern lies a desire to feed on your energy. He does this in different ways:
- Arouse compassion. A vampire is an eternal victim, he is unlucky in life, and circumstances are solely to blame for everything. Everyone feels sorry for him and goes to help.
- Play on openness and trust. Vampires are not empathic and your ethical qualities are looked down upon. That does not prevent them from successfully using your broad soul.
- Instill a sense of guilt. The vampire actively uses manipulative techniques so that the “donor” does not even think about breaking off the relationship. A manipulative vampire is always right and is able to arrange events in such a way that the victim will also be to blame.
How to survive negative emotions after breaking up any relationship
If you feel like no one can truly understand the full range of your emotions, or you're simply hesitant to talk to someone about the severity of the separation, you may want to try journaling first. This will help you get through the worst times and talk through all your experiences.
In fact, journaling is a great way to let your thoughts and feelings out, because no one can judge you! You can release anything from anger to sadness at any time of the day or night. And the best thing is that you will gradually notice that you are getting better, and that your worries are no longer as strong as they were at the beginning.
Analyze this...
Analyze your benefits from communication
Having answered these questions, analyze the time you spend on each specific acquaintance. Is it constructive and useful enough for you? Perhaps you will come to the opposite conclusions.
- Think about how each person in your life influences you.
- What did he recommend you learn and read?
- What places did you recommend visiting?
- How did it influence your own thoughts and moods?
- What did you think about?
Pay special attention to the “control question”: “Are my colleagues, acquaintances and friends helping me move in the direction I have chosen or, on the contrary, trying to undermine my faith in myself and my success?”
After conducting such a mini-analysis, a lot will become clear to you. You will be able to determine who is a helper for you and who, on the contrary, does not play any positive role in your life. Having discovered among your friends/acquaintances those people who can hinder or are already hindering your personal growth, get rid of them. To do this, you don’t need to resort to any radical measures - just change your environment. This is also worth doing because a new (favorable) social circle will definitely add inspiration to you, which will push you to new exploits and achievements. You will be surprised at how your life will change!
Be smart and prudent
Some acquaintances have a detrimental effect on our self-esteem and life position, undermine confidence in our strengths, thereby significantly hindering our development as individuals. Refuse any communication with such people. Don’t be afraid to draw a certain boundary between yourself and such people, minimizing or completely eliminating any contacts that are unfavorable for you.
Remember: it is better to have dinner alone than to take part in a conversation that is unpleasant to you and which you support solely out of politeness. It is better to refuse to meet with someone who will only waste your time. It is better to move the conversation to another topic if it stresses you out and leaves a negative aftertaste. Say a resounding “no!” those people and affairs with which you want nothing to do. Of course, this can make you come across as harsh and perhaps somewhat cynical, however, it is much more important to show firmness now than to regret later about wasted time.
How to end a friendship the right way
Photo by Sasha Kim from Pexels
When any relationship comes to an end, it's not easy. It doesn’t matter whether you decided on your own or the person took the first step, it’s always difficult. Moreover, parting with a friend can be just as painful as with a partner.
In the end, you share common experiences and memories - and there are many wonderful moments mixed in with that. This makes the breakup many times worse! However, separation is sometimes necessary, either because the relationship with each other is no longer the same, or because of serious problems such as betrayal, quarrel, professional conflict.
The friendship is gone, the trust between you has not been tested by everyday troubles, and the feeling that you have to do something about it is becoming stronger. A relationship dilemma usually starts like this and then ends with them disappearing. For example, you simply stop answering calls and messages from each other. But even with friends you need to be able to put an end to it.
