People who have negative traits often become the cause of toxic relationships. They can first create a false sense of security and then destroy your self-esteem. In toxic relationships, victims are often convinced that they are the problem, so they end up taking on the man's negative criticism. This can be confusing. Unfortunately, you may not even realize that you are in a relationship with a toxic person.
Here are the signs in the character of a man with whom a relationship will be toxic.
He's jealous of you
Does your partner behave politely, but deep down he envies and hates you? He may secretly compete or compare himself to you. Does he feel pain when you are successful or happy? Many who are dissatisfied with their lives hide their own disappointment when others achieve success or share good news.
Toxic partners feel inadequate and hide behind a smile, say nothing or say something negative in order to minimize their disappointment and prevent a blow to their self-esteem.
They feel like failures compared to the success of others. This highlights that they have not lived up to their own expectations. It seems unfair that others have done it better. You can't go higher. Otherwise, the man will crush you with destructive envy. He feels unhappy because of your happiness and may try to bring you down to lift himself up.
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He just up and disappeared
Women's excuses: maybe he died or went to the hospital?
Man's truth: maybe, but most likely he decided to leave you. And he didn't have the courage to tell you honestly about it. Info 100%. The one hundred percent of male respondents who "disappeared" from a woman's sight said they were fully aware that they had done something terrible, and no amount of phone calls or late conversations would make them change their mind.
He criticizes or devalues you to build himself up.
If you are in a toxic relationship with someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, they may experience pleasure in suppressing success by beating them or making devaluing comments to put themselves up. He doesn't even feel inadequate, but criticizes others in order to rise higher.
He inflates his self-esteem to convince others of how good he is, but in reality this is not the case at all. Because he feels superior, he never shows approval.
What is a misdemeanor?
Each of us has our own territory, located within our personal borders. This is familiar and safe territory, your “home”. If you leave yours, there are two dangers:
- You will enter someone else's territory, where you may not have been invited.
- You will stumble, you will fail, you will stumble.
You can only be responsible for your territory. Anything can happen outside of it.
Now about how to distinguish a real offense from a far-fetched one. The girl tells you:
“You, as a man, should have done this. Otherwise, why do I need you? . Now, having learned what is hidden behind the words “this,” you can determine how adequate the girl’s claims are. If this is an encroachment on your personal boundaries, then you did not offend her. If you didn't do what you really should have done, it's a misdemeanor.
“You're very late. Could you have warned me?” . Objectively, there are no excuses for being late (unless it is force majeure) - it doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman. If there is an agreement and it is not fulfilled, this is a misdemeanor.
“I expected you to transfer me money. You knew that I went with my friends to have fun . This is objectively a girl’s jamb. Of course, if giving her money in such a situation is your obligation to her (there are such relationships), then you are wrong. In other cases, you don’t have to react to such an “offense.” Better yet, make it clear that this should not happen again.
You don't need to be a psychologist to understand how to behave correctly in such situations, or to imagine how the other person feels when you behave incorrectly. For example, if you were late, but decided to distance yourself in response to a fair claim, then the girl will understand that you don’t care about her. She will suffer from this, but as soon as she experiences these feelings, she will understand that she no longer feels anything for you.
In the example where she demands money (even though she has no right to it), the girl leaves her territory and attacks your borders. If in this case you responded by moving away, this is already a clear signal: don’t do this again, otherwise you will lose what you already have. This is adequate cooling, because the offense is the girl’s.
That's why it's important to monitor your behavior and evaluate your actions towards the people who matter to you. Because if you don’t notice your wrongdoing, it can give rise to a whole chain of grievances and lead to separation. If you recklessly rush to correct something that is not your fault, you may lose yourself in this relationship.
He makes you feel guilty
Toxic people blame others for their mistakes and find ways to hide their actions so they can appear white and fluffy. They will find a way to spin the problem so that it is your fault.
A weak man avoids humiliation caused by shame in every possible way, so he distorts the truth and tries not to take responsibility in order to hide his mistakes. He does this by finding faults in others and blaming them for their presence.
If he lost his job, it's entirely the boss's fault. If he broke up with his ex-girlfriend, it was because she constantly cheated and was completely crazy. If he cheated, he did it only so as not to bother you. A toxic man is in an illusion and believes himself to be perfect, so he shifts the blame to others.
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Effective ways to solve the problem
If you have already managed to assess the scale of the current situation in which you are unconsciously looking for excuses for your own actions, then start changing your personal image. To stop being afraid of responsibility for your actions, you need to give up false fabrications, increase self-esteem and gain patience, guided by the following recommendations:
Do not engage in the construction of illusory “castles”, but begin to realize yourself, achieving your cherished goals and achieving the desired results. Reconsider priorities, where on the new hierarchical ladder responsibility (business) will be located one step higher than laziness (fun). Find your own motivation to overcome new obstacles, being inspired by the “peaks” you have already conquered. Learn to correctly explain to your interlocutor the reasons for the offense, so that the monologue does not look like an excuse, but is a detailed and constructive story that is not devoid of meaning. Don’t put off difficult things for later, preferring to “have breakfast” and start a new life on Monday. Today you have the opportunity to change the current situation by developing another personal advantage. Stop making long-term plans that remain only on paper. Over a long period of time, people manage to “burn out”, abandoning the idea to the sidelines of consciousness. Set realistic goals that you can implement in the near future.
By following simple rules, in a short period of time you can become a self-sufficient person who is responsible for his actions. In the process of self-development, you will have to reconsider life values, abandoning tricks and tricks, fiction and adventure stories. Honesty and thoroughness are integral components of a new personal appearance.
By adjusting your worldview and changing your priorities, luck will definitely turn its face to you, assessing the scale of personal development. By giving up excuses, you eliminate unnecessary reasons for quarrels with loved ones. Famous people often choose the following quote as their life credo: “Desire is a thousand opportunities, and reluctance is a thousand obstacles.”
He is using you for his own purposes.
Even if you expose your true intentions, the man will deny in every possible way. First he tries to lure you into a relationship. However, he soon rejects or devalues if his needs are not a priority. It can even ruin your success.
A man wants approval, money, love, support from you. However, after the date, he disappears exactly until he needs something again. He pretends that he is interested in you only as long as he gets his own benefit.
He feels good about focusing on himself and using others to achieve his goals. Sometimes he just wants someone to admire or inflate his ego when it's deflated.
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Signs of hidden feelings in a man
He likes to help you
He usually offers to help you. For example, listen, give advice, or help move furniture.
He makes it clear that you can count on him in everything.
He admires you (but will never say it out loud)
When you speak, he looks at you as if you were the most wonderful creature in the world.
He understands that you've been through a lot and admires your achievements. Each of your victories is huge in his eyes, although he does not make this clear.
He will listen to you and compliment you - an obvious sign that he has feelings for you.
As soon as he is with you, he turns on protective mode
Even though a man may make fun of you, it will never come off as mean, inappropriate, or rude.
But every time someone else does the same, the man will not approve of this and will even reprimand the joker to protect you.
He will also make sure that you get home safely and safely.
Whether he admits it or not, a man cares about you, and these little signs of attention indicate hidden feelings for you.
He shows signs of restrained jealousy
He doesn't like it when you are in the company of other men. And this is natural, because he reacts in accordance with his feelings and is afraid that someone else will become your soul mate.
You will see his face turn pale and his attitude towards you become a little strange. He is clearly uncomfortable and jealous when another man approaches you.
Not to mention that he will definitely ask you questions about what kind of relationships you are in with other men.
He's attentive
Broodiness is one of the most common signs that he is struggling with his feelings for you.
As mentioned earlier, he wants you to see him in the best light and therefore will act like a true gentleman. He will open the door for you, for example, and even if he doesn't shower you with gifts, the little gifts he gives you will come from the heart.
It doesn't have to be something extravagant like your favorite chocolates.
He shares personal information with you
Most men do not want to open up or do so slowly and with some reluctance. But if a man begins to trust you, this is always a good sign.
People can talk to each other about the weather, but sharing personal details is a much more intimate thing.
He will want to hear your opinion about what is happening to him now, or about plans for the future.
In general, he will have an inexplicable need to inform you about everything at every opportunity.
There are moments of cooling
He may not even realize that he is struggling with his feelings. Although he finds it difficult to confront them or explain how he feels, it will be even more difficult for you to understand him.
At such moments, it may seem that he is playing with you.
You will have to trust your intuition to understand whether his actions are unintentional or just a game.
You will feel chemistry and some tension between each other.
Every time you walk into the room, he can't help but smile.
He will stare at you and always find a way to indirectly compliment you by saying how beautiful you are.
He can also convey to you all the tension accumulated inside him in slightly rude words or remarks.
The magnetism between you is difficult to explain, but it is felt nonetheless.
Result:
The key to understanding why he is struggling with his feelings for you is that men don't experience their feelings the same way as women.
They will trust their minds first, preferring logical thinking over emotions, while women tend to follow their hearts.
If he is struggling with his feelings, give him time to work through them. He is struggling with himself, and it is better if he does it alone. Once he figures everything out, he will take a place in your life.
If not, it means that he is simply not your man.
He pretends to be false to hide his rotten essence
Those with toxic personality traits may lull you into a false sense of trust to cloud the critical thinking that helps you spot a creep. However, toxic relationships feel empty because the person is unable to open up about themselves.
He will tell people what they want to hear and imitate what they need in order for them to achieve their own goals. The truth will be revealed when they stop being emotionally available to the needs of others.
Apology or compensation?
It’s not specifically about the word “sorry.” The offense, if you recognize it, can be assessed in the context of your relationship to understand how serious it is. Apologies are words. And compensation should be adequate to the offense you committed and the attitude towards the person. It is also important to do this in a timely manner, otherwise it will no longer be at the cash register.
Compensation must be adequate in both senses. If it is insufficient, it is bad. But there is no need to try to do more than is adequate to the situation. If your apology, which you consider to be exhaustive, is not accepted, then you need to leave, and not offer more.
What happened when you were late? This is not a girl’s whim, but a feeling of vulnerability, uselessness: “He doesn’t care about my time. Maybe then you won’t care about me?” . Of course, you may think that this is not such a serious offense. And if you try to make it up to him with the usual “sorry” or devalue him - “Come on, don’t sulk” - then you will not correct the situation. But if you clearly say, “Believe me, I don’t give a damn about you. I respect your time as well as mine. This is my mistake, I should have called ,” then this will be sufficient and adequate compensation.
He has no sympathy or remorse
He has no sympathy or remorse for how he treats people because he feels that he has the right to behave based only on his own needs and without regard to others.
If a girl does not live up to his expectations, he is completely sure that he can deceive her or look for a relationship on the side.
He pretends to be kind or pretends to be sympathetic to get people to be there and give them what they need. You are only needed if you serve their needs. Otherwise, your feelings don't matter.
Resentments are piling up
You need to understand that the offense must be compensated for by something. She doesn't disappear without a trace. You can’t take it and forget that they treated you wrong and continue to live, pretending that nothing happened. Thus, one of your unredeemed offenses will automatically give rise to others. Did you offend her with lies or betrayal? This is one misdemeanor. But you don’t apologize further - this is the second one. You continue to live with her as if nothing had happened - this is the third. You're lying again - fourth. And so on.
The girl still wants to be with you because she is suffering from the thought of leaving. But now your figure begins to be bound by negativity. She loves you, but you are now associated with pain.
You know that creating distance, ignoring, can increase your importance. And this happens even after an insult. But in fact, each time you become further apart from each other. At some point, what separates you will become greater than what unites you. The situation turns around, and ignoring on your part works in the opposite direction.
He evaluates you through his own behavior
Toxic people project their feelings of inadequacy onto others, finding something wrong with them. They are delusional and see everyone through their own projections. They accuse you of being a cheat, worthless, selfish, or a fraud, even though they hide it to themselves. You will be attacked or insulted for things that are not true.
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Typical excuses for failed people
A person is prevented from achieving the desired result by disorganization, which entails a trail of problems. A banal waking up for work because of late-night movie watching can be accompanied by irreversible consequences, which even the highest “grade” of justification cannot correct - deprivation of bonuses or an impressive fine, working on a day off or damaged relations with superiors, temporary removal from a managerial position, or final dismissal. The high price of healthy sleep, due to the lack of trust in you from management. People who are accustomed to making excuses invariably find themselves in a closed space - after a short period of time, those around them stop taking explanations seriously. Typical excuses for individuals who lose their moral character and are unable to achieve their goals are:
A critical lack of funds becomes a strong argument for employment in low-paid jobs. Financial insolvency is more far-fetched than real - in an insignificant position there is less demand from an employee, so you can afford to be late and amuse your bosses with funny excuses every day. Lack of time is the main argument of a person who considers himself smarter than everyone else. You can recognize a manipulator from your interlocutor after only 2-3 incidents, because the reasons for removing responsibility from one’s own person must be weighty, and there are relatively few large-scale justifications that border on reality. Presenting himself in conversation as an impeccable person who has become part of a series of unpleasant accidents, he then has to “fall” from a great height to which the narrator is lifted by exciting but implausible stories. If a person has no desire to learn a new type of art or master a specialized job, it is easier to publicly declare the personal side of the issue. Don't want to drive? Tell them you can't drive after a tragic accident with a friend. Can't make it to the scheduled opening of your business in the morning? Tell us about a difficult conversation in a loving couple that provoked a scandal in the hallway 5 minutes before you left the house. Denying the correctness of drawing up a task that a person hardly understands is another effective way to relieve oneself of responsibility. Are you asked to help with car repairs? Tell me how unsuccessfully you burned down an expensive model of a German vehicle in childhood. Do you need to report to your superiors about a scheduled inspection for the past month? Justify yourself in style by communicating your endless efforts and perseverance to the auditor.
If the above list contains excuses that are familiar to you firsthand, then it’s time to think about it. By diagnosing the problem in time, you can bypass the categories of failed people. Such statements act as an anchor that interferes with personal improvement and social growth. Building a successful career or creating a strong unit of society, constantly finding baseless reasons, is a sure way to meet an inglorious and poor old age. To change your life, it is important to start getting rid of negative thoughts today, restoring faith in your own strength. Remember that the road can only be navigated by those who walk.
Can a man admit his guilt and retain the respect of a woman?
“Real misdeeds undermine trust, grievances accumulate one after another. Ignoring what you’ve done is not masculine behavior, but infantilism.”
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When we talk about a man’s behavior in a relationship with a woman, we can often hear words like: “ A man is not always right”, “Stand your ground, otherwise they will stop respecting you”, “A girl must admit that a man is right - she is weaker and must submit . It is quite clear where these judgments come from. But how true are they? And how to compare success in relationships with the habit of acting according to conscience and justice? After all, if you really offend your girlfriend, then from the outside it’s quite difficult to consider you a good person.
Today we will look at one common logical mistake that can greatly harm a relationship.
Why does a man insult
Photo by Diana Jefimova: Pexels
Sometimes insults and humiliation become part of habitual communication, and a man begins to constantly disrespect his girlfriend. This behavior has characteristic features:
- the man denies what happened or reduces its significance, convincing that the woman “invented everything” herself, “always cheats”, takes everything “too close to her heart”;
- a man can say unpleasant words as a joke, as a diminutive, and not as a direct insult, for example, “you are such a fool to me”;
- often in his speech there are words “always”, “eternally”, “constantly”;
- when he says them, you feel resentment, pain, your self-esteem decreases and your mood deteriorates;
- even if you do everything “perfectly,” a man will find something to complain about;
- his opinion is considered categorical and the only correct one.
These are signs that you are not just “fighting a lot,” but there is psychological abuse in the relationship. This is exactly what we can call insults or humiliation to which one of the partners is subjected.
In a relationship where there is love and respect, such behavior is unacceptable. Everyone has a responsibility to protect their self-esteem, and one person has no right to insult another.
In such a situation, it is important to realize that the reason for the insults has nothing to do with you. From a psychological point of view, you are not participating in this situation at all, because a man will do the same with any other woman.
There may be various reasons for this:
- parental example - a man copies the model of behavior of his parents, considering it completely normal or the only true one, because he was raised on their attitudes and moral standards;
What to do if a man offends you?
- the desire to assert oneself - if a man cannot obtain the desired social status or recognition, he increases his importance at the expense of other people, those who are weaker or dependent on him. He takes pleasure in humiliating others;
- complexes and self-doubt - by causing offense or insult, a man feels more confident, as if showing that he is stronger and better than the other person. Thus, he tries to cope with his complexes;
- sexism is another stereotype that was “picked up” in the social environment in which a man grew up. He a priori puts himself above a woman and considers it normal to insult, lecture, humiliate, and control her.
Whatever the reason, it cannot justify such behavior, since he is already an adult who consciously chooses what to do and what not.
