Psychology of love: types, stages, stages and concept

The psychology of love is the realm of the unknown, a favorite topic of thousands of poets, novelists and even scientists. No scientific community can fully explain the actions of a person in love. A lover is a mystery and at the same time a challenge for science. After all, love exists autonomously, lives on its own, does not obey the laws of logic and reason. It can have both a destructive effect on people, incinerating everything inside, and a creative one, “raising it to heaven.” Most people consider people in love to be slightly crazy, and hence love itself is viewed as a kind of mental illness. However, according to a number of scientists, love is a means of socialization of an individual, a mechanism for his involvement in the system of social relationships.

Concept and functions

The concept of “love” has many interpretations. This is a chemical reaction, a habit, a spiritual impulse, affection, a desire for protection, care.

Psychologists cannot identify a single interpretation for this concept, since each person perceives it differently.

Love can be called an interested, attentive, caring attitude towards someone.

This feeling combines many positive mental and emotional states, which begin from ordinary pleasure and reach sublime virtue.

Main functions:

Caring is shown towards the object of affection.
Respect - without it, relationships will turn into ordinary exploitation of the object of interest.
Knowledge - a loving person constantly learns this feeling, develops it, not allowing it to fade away.
Responsibility - a person on a subconscious level protects the object of his adoration from all troubles.

All functions are interconnected. If any of them is not fulfilled, love cannot be called complete.

How to confess your love: tips

Don't think long about how to confess your love. Just talk about your feelings without waiting for the right opportunity. Especially if you feel that your partner loves you too.
You don't have to talk about love. Express your feelings through some actions . Be attentive to your loved one, support him, take care, give good emotions, encourage your partner. This is the only way he will notice that you are his reliable support.
Replace words with expressions of your feelings using facial expressions or gestures. Often people notice a strong attraction when a person looks into their eyes or simply smiles.
Confess your love using a passionate kiss . Do this by creating a romantic setting.
Give compliments. Admire your loved one, point out his positive qualities, do it sincerely. Just don’t overdo it, as it may look like praise or love addiction.
Present a surprise , which will become a kind of subtext that hides feelings and your love. Invite your loved one to the theater or to a restaurant.
Be gentle. Your partner will very soon understand that you love him. Praise your loved one once again, hug.
Write a letter about love - tender and touching advice about love. Open your own soul, tell us about everything that is hidden in your soul. Use email or write a message by phone.

Letter of love

Stages of development

There are several stages in psychology:

Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.

The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.

Teenage love: advice for parents

Tips on Teen Love:

Communicate with your child as equals. A commanding tone will work, but only in the opposite direction from you.
Let your child know that you understand him.
Don't make fun of your child or make fun of his feelings. Treat your child with all respect, as he is still fragile and vulnerable.
Don't shout, don't be aggressive . Calm down, restrain your own feelings. Do not forget that rudeness can cause the same reaction in a child.
It is possible that your child's significant other is not ideal. But don't be too critical, as this may cause him to protest. The child will begin to defend his feelings, which will only intensify.
Don’t say something disparaging or insulting about the object of your passion – you can humiliate the child. Say only the best things - this will increase your confidence.
Do not forbid your child to meet with his object of adoration, even in a rude manner. This will lead to the opposite result. This is because everything that is prohibited automatically captivates you even more.
Do not give an intrusive lecture about sexual relations to a child when you find out about his love.
This will only arouse his undue interest or hurt his feelings.
Invite your child's significant other home to meet you. Using this method, you can learn more about a person, about his character qualities. Allow them to meet at home so that children do not look for random and dubious meeting places.
Talk about your own first relationship to find rapport with your child - this is great advice about your child's love. But don’t warn him not to do the same, because it once ruined your life. Tell your child how you dealt with the problem and turned the circumstances to your advantage.
Let the teenager figure out the relationship himself if he becomes disappointed in it. Let it come only from him. In this way, the child will feel that he can understand such situations himself and make decisions.

In teenagers

Classification

Psychologists distinguish several types of love:

Mania is a manifestation of feelings as addiction. This form appears at the initial stage of relationship development. The danger arises when mania begins to drag on and intensify. A sense of control over the partner begins to prevail in the relationship, which negatively affects the lovers. Such relationships resemble the connection between a maniac and a victim.
Consumer love is ludus. There is no real intimacy. One of the partners wants to receive something from the other - intimacy, expensive gifts, emotions. When the goal is achieved, interest disappears and relationships are destroyed.
Passionate love is eros. This type is similar to mania, but does not have negative preconditions. Lovers focus their attention on intimacy and want to get maximum pleasure from each other. Partners constantly want to be close to each other and can spend whole days in bed. Over the years, passion fades and shortcomings emerge. Most couples who grew up on the basis of eros are destroyed.
Love that is created on a sense of duty - storge. Such feelings are not built on animal passion or romance. People come to such relationships after years of living together. At the same time, the partners have grown together so much that they cannot imagine life without each other. For them, family comes first; they do not know how to betray.
Selfless love is agape. This type of feeling is clearly visible between mother and child. For a couple in love, this can be a bad and even destructive manifestation of love feelings. If one of the partners feels selfless, he can forgive everything, forgetting about himself. Slowly this will lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Rational love is pragma. Formed between people who are looking for comfort. They do not need financial gain, any achievements, they do not pursue sporting interests. Such partners are looking for a reliable ally in each other, a friend with whom they can go through life without fear.
Friendly love is philia. There is no physical attraction in such relationships. Harmony of the soul, division of interests, equality of thoughts reigns. Partners like to spend time with each other, communicate, watch movies, listen to music. Anyone can destroy such a connection.

Each type of love relationship is characteristic of different ages and has characteristic differences. In order for the relationship to be strong and not to be destroyed at the first difficulties, it is necessary to simultaneously and proportionately develop flirtation, friendship, passion, and responsibility.

Psychology of love and relationships

All people on earth want to have mutual love until their deathbed and a happy family life, but only some “lucky ones” manage to realize this dream in practice. Trusting and truly prosperous relationships will develop only when both partners make an effort to understand the differences in the psychology of male and female love.

The psychology of love and relationships between men and the fair sex varies greatly. This has happened historically, but previously this difference was not perceived so sharply, since all relationships between spouses were built mainly on the way of life that developed as society developed. There were generally accepted principles that for several thousand years stated how spouses should behave, and they also prescribed certain responsibilities for them. Modern views on family life, love relationships, and extramarital affairs have changed somewhat.

For example, previously the role of a wife was limited to providing household services for the family and caring for all participants in family relationships. Today, women are taking leaps and bounds to win their right to individuality, to the opportunity to live the way they like, and not according to orders. The drastic emancipation of representatives of the previously weaker sex led to a loss of mutual understanding between the male and female parts of the population. As a result, naturally, the psychology of women in love, their behavior, mood and psychology of men in love have undergone quite significant changes.

In addition to the fact that beautiful women are initially different in nature from representatives of the stronger half, today they are more than ever subject to the not always favorable influence of society. All this together makes them even more incomprehensible to the opposite sex. For a man, everything is aimed at a specific minute; their body is adapted to a quick, immediate burst of energy. Women act gradually and more plastically.

The psychology of women in love is, first of all, determined by the desire to procreate. The feeling of love makes Eve’s daughters truly feminine, it reveals their beauty and charm, makes them tender and flexible. Women are much weaker physically than men, at least this is how nature originally intended them to be, but the newfangled craze for women in gyms makes this statement moot for a number of women. In any case, young ladies are much more resilient than the stronger half. They also have a more developed sense of responsibility, since they need to take care of their offspring.

Beautiful women are much more emotional than the male part of the population. Psychology considers their emotional manifestations of love to be a physiological feature. In addition, emotions are an important component of maternal instinct. After all, if a new mother does not develop a close emotional connection with her baby, then she often abandons him.

Basically, the entire psychology of female love is associated with the desire to become a mother. Scientists are convinced that the preoccupation of beautiful young ladies with their appearance is due to the desire to attract males, caused by the instinct of procreation. A genetically and physiologically determined factor is that women are not inclined to be aggressive. Another important difference between ladies and gentlemen can be considered the susceptibility of women's mood to the influence of hormonal levels. It is hormones that can cause, at first glance, slightly inappropriate behavior of the chosen one.

Psychology of love and relationships, how to understand that you are loved

To establish mutual understanding in a couple and a trusting relationship between partners, it is always necessary to remember that there are two completely opposite views of reality, which gives rise to differences in the psychology of a man and a woman in love. Therefore, for successful, happy and long-lasting relationships, it is necessary to study the differences that comprise the psychology of love and infatuation, sexual desire and friendship, and also skillfully combine all of these four components in family life.

Love, from a psychological point of view, implies free relationships based on mutual happiness and mutual trust. It contains three aspects: moral (commitment), emotional (intimacy) and physical (passion) aspects.

The moral component of love implies a willingness to accept joint solutions to problems. This aspect is based on respect for the partner’s positions and feelings, moral principles, intellectual abilities and dignity. Respect is the guarantee of trust and commitment in a relationship.

The emotional side of love is intimacy, togetherness, friendship. Love has an inextricable connection with friendship, the basis of which is common views, goals, and aspirations. For partners in love, friendship reaches its peak due to internal closeness and unity of souls, when the personal turns into the general and vice versa. This is joy for a partner, empathy for him, enjoying his touches, which replace words, broadcast true feelings hidden from others. Ordinary friendship does not imply such closeness. Such intimacy arises only when, in addition to common interests, there is attraction in friendship.

The physical aspect of love is based on passion, characteristic behavior and arousal. Sexual desire is so strong that the partner is the only source of physical satisfaction. The object of love is the most desired, and other partners are no longer attracted.

All of the listed aspects of the psychology of love are equally important for building and developing relationships. In different couples there may be different combinations of them, characteristic of each type of love. But so-called “true love” is based on these three aspects, taken in equal proportions.

The psychology of love and infatuation has its own distinctive features. For partners who are in a state of love, the intimate subtext of the relationship is important; for love, intimacy is not a priority. People in love reach out to one another to avoid feelings of loneliness; partners who truly love each other are self-sufficient, their inner world is characterized by independence from their partner. Falling in love is characterized by the appearance of an enthusiastic state only in the presence of an object, while in love happiness is continuous. Falling in love is the desire to possess, and love is the desire to give. The first can be compared with the behavior of a baby, who is controlled by the only desire “I want”, the second - with the behavior of an adult, wise from past experience. The first one empties, the second one fills. Falling in love requires the presence of external attributes and confirmation; love is the desire of a couple to move in the same direction.

Therefore, if you are concerned about the topic: “the psychology of love and relationships, how to understand that you are loved,” then first of all you need to learn to listen to your own heart, notice signs of a verbal and non-verbal nature, and also understand which desire dominates: to take or to give.

Characteristic signs

Symptoms:

Lovers do not notice those around them.
Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
There are no doubts about the choice.
There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.

It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.

What is love from a psychological point of view?

From a psychological point of view, love still has very blurred boundaries. When a person sees the object of love, his heartbeat quickens, his pulse increases and his behavior changes.

Love can have both a destructive and an inspiring effect on a person. Its phenomenon is autonomous existence. It arises on its own and is not subject to reason.

Some psychologists argue that love is a way of human socialization. Others call it the result of the production of sex hormones. There is no consensus on the definition of love. Freud viewed it as the energy of the primal urges. He called it an attraction caused by the activity of the libido.

Philosopher Jacques Lacan voiced the theory that love is accompanied by scarcity. It provokes in one person the need to possess another. Karen Horney, in turn, calls love a manifestation of neurosis. He views expressed passion as a symptom of sexual dissatisfaction.

The humanist Maslow considered love to be one of the needs, which is also a driving motivation. He argued that man equally needs stability, security, self-respect and love. He divided love into deficit and existential. The first is a means of satisfying one’s needs, and the existential is characterized by care and dedication.

Definition and signs of love

The concept of love in psychology has several contradictory interpretations. Experts say that true love is similar to love for your child. She is characterized by complete dedication and the ability to empathize.

There are three main definitions of love:

Love is a state of falling in love, accompanied by obsession with a person. A person in love becomes detached from reality, his vigilance is lost and his attention weakens.
Love is the habit of constantly interacting with a person. It can be fueled by pleasant emotions and a sense of satisfaction.
Love is dependence on the object of your desire. It has been compared to a drug addiction. This definition is based on the release of happiness hormones in a person in love.

Love is a feeling beyond the control of the brain. It cannot be analyzed or evaluated. Love is very often confused with sympathy and sexual attraction. However, it has several distinctive features.

In psychology, the following signs of love are distinguished:

Indifference towards other people. Even if signs of attention from other objects are observed, the person in love remains indifferent to them.
The need to develop relationships. If a person wants something more than what is available at the moment, we can talk about love.
No internal doubts. A person in love gains confidence that he has made the right choice in favor of his partner.
There is motivation to become better. A person in love strives to show his best side.
If there is real love between two people, they enjoy being with each other even in absolute silence.
A person in love cannot clearly answer what attracted him to his partner. He loves not for something, but in spite of everything.
There is a desire to take the side of your partner in any controversial situations.
Love is accompanied by the ability to forgive.

How to save fading feelings?

To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:

Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
Constantly share plans for the future.
Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.

Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.

Psychology: how to understand whether you love or not?

At the beginning of a relationship, when passion is in full swing, it is difficult to figure out how deep our feelings for our partner are. As a rule, you can understand that everything was nothing more than falling in love only when difficulties begin.

To make sure that your feelings are real, you need to imagine yourself with your loved one in a difficult situation and analyze the emotions that arise. Love psychology claims that if you are not ready to stay with a person if he is diagnosed with a serious illness, then it means you do not love him.

Often we realize the true value of things only when we lose them irretrievably. Another effective technique is to imagine that your chosen one died or you never met. How uncomfortable do such thoughts make you? Can you imagine your life without your lover?

How is love different from passion and infatuation?

Differences between love and passion:

Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.

Differences between love and infatuation:

Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
Trust is not typical for falling in love.

January 13, 2021

Olga Gubanova is a passionate researcher of life, an empiricist-skeptic, a developer of conscious mindfulness practices, a coach, and a business trainer.

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Six years ago I was traveling on a train and excitedly reading a small thin book - “The Five Love Languages”. Or rather, I didn’t read it—I re-read it for the second time that day. There were small gifts for friends in my bag, and I was looking forward to testing the book theory in practice.

The result of this test changed my life. I don't throw around such expressions, it's really true. There is much more joy, warmth and mutual understanding in my life. Here I want to share my observations from six years of actively mastering and using love languages in communication with family, friends, colleagues and clients.

The theory of the five love languages

The theory of the five love languages is quite simple: you need to express your love in the language of the one you love. The book's author, Gary Chapman, Ph.D., has been counseling couples for more than twenty years and has concluded that there are five basic ways to express love. He called them “languages” and their varieties “dialects”.

These languages are: • The Language of Gifts, • The Language of Touch, • The Language of Words of Encouragement, • The Language of Help and the Language of Sharing Time.

Dr. Chapman argues that most people speak one, or less often two, of these languages, and often even in loving families it turns out that these languages are different. It’s as if the husband said “I love you” in Chinese and the wife said “I love you” in English. Due to misunderstanding, many couples break up, relationships between children and parents deteriorate, and friends move away from each other. But all this can be changed if you learn the five love languages and learn how to correctly identify and speak them.

Language of Gifts

“They give me gifts, it means they love me.”

I immediately remembered my best friend, in whose family it is customary to give expensive gifts for the holidays, even when the financial situation does not particularly allow it. I myself, on the contrary, have been indifferent all my life, both to the gifts themselves (which my friend was often offended by), and to their absence (which friends and relatives saved a lot on).

As a test of the theory about the Language of Gifts, I brought my best friend cupcakes from a St. Petersburg confectionery, which is not in Moscow, a souvenir and a postcard. Needless to say, her eyes sparkled with joy, and her smile could light up the street?.. While buying us coffee, I handed her a glass with the words: “This is a gift for you.” An hour later, she casually said: “I’m in such a magical mood, as if it’s my birthday today!”

At that moment I realized that the theory of love languages works.

Observation about the language of gifts
If a person’s leading love language is the Language of Gifts, he will be upset if you accept his gift with calm and, even more so, indifference. Emphasize that you are touched by his attention - words, hugs, kisses... When putting away a gift, be careful with it.
What else offends such people: gifts “for show” and gifts that are forced to share. This is especially painful for children. “Masha, share with Petya the candy that Aunt Lyuba gave you” - it hurts, but “Masha, do you want to treat Petya?” - sounds completely different, leaves a choice and allows one to show good will.
I also noticed that one of the dialects of the Language of Gifts is food - a person feels that he is loved when he is fed. Especially when they put “his” cup, “his” plate, etc. on him. I have personalized cups in my kitchen not only for my family, but also for close friends who come over.
And my sister, whose leading love language is the Language of Gifts, tells me that for such people personalized things and things made to order are very valuable. It's great to see that the gift is specifically for you.

Language of Touch

“They touch me, it means they love me”

People whose primary love language is the Language of Touch are, in my observations, very tactile. They like to hug, hold hands... An encouraging pat on the shoulder and a comforting pat on the back seem to have been specially invented just for them. They endure tactile hunger and physical rejection with greater losses than other people.

In the book The Five Love Languages for Teens, Gary Chapman writes that with children who speak the Language of Touch, it is important for parents to be very attentive, especially with boys. As they grow up, they may begin to refuse hugs (“I’m not little anymore!”), but without physical contact they will begin to suffer. A pat on the hair, a high five, a massage on the shoulders after a busy day—you can come up with many ways to express your love for such a teenager.

According to my observations, tactile hunger is a serious problem of our time. It is very easy to miss, even in yourself. It’s just that at some point life becomes dark and difficult, and depression begins to breathe in the back of your head...

If Touch Language is your loved one's language, learn to touch him throughout the day in ways that are acceptable to him. You can not only hug when meeting and hold hands, but also comb your hair, and even just watch TV series while hugging.

Language of Words of Encouragement

“I am supported and praised, which means I am loved.”

The way to the heart of such people goes through the ears. “You’re great,” “you’re my most beautiful,” “you look amazing in this dress,” “you drive a damn cool car” - tell them out loud all the good things that you see in them. The inner vessel of these people needs to be filled with kind words. And on the contrary, harsh criticism is doubly painful for them.

After learning about the Language of Words of Encouragement, I began to learn how to give truthful and non-trivial compliments and praise the people around me. Once I started doing this, I noticed how hungry our society is for kind words! It’s not customary for us to praise - what if we spoil it? Suddenly the praised one will “become a star” and “put on a crown”!

As a business coach, I often hear this from managers in relation to their subordinates and I suggest you just try it. As an experiment. You can always stop. But those who dare and try never stop.

By the way, in addition to the smiles and good mood of those around me, compliments sometimes bring me unexpected bonuses. “You guys have the best pizza in our area! And you yourself are always so cool that my mood improves every time I come to you!” - and now they recognize me and give me a discount, as if for their own, or pour me coffee for free.

Help Language

It’s also quite simple: “They help me, that means they love me.”

My dad speaks this language. Another friend of mine speaks it, a therapist and volunteer, always ready to help. At one time, our relationship with her deteriorated, and I consciously began to look for ways to provide a little help during our meetings. “Let me hang up your jacket” and “Let me make you coffee” became those bridges that made it clear without words that she was still important to me. After some time, our mutual irritation evaporated, we were able to honestly talk about all mutual reproaches and their reasons and restore friendship.

The Language of Spending Time Together

“They spend time with me, which means they love me.”

This language is not so simple in our times.

Imagine a family dinner where everyone is on their cell phones. Or a husband playing “tank” when his wife talks to him about something. Or parents who turned on cartoons for their child instead of playing a game with him. These are all examples of what hurts people whose love language is the Language of Time Together. In another way, it can also be called the language of attention.

Sometimes it can be difficult to separate the languages of Helping and Sharing Time. I came up with this method: imagine that you are washing the dishes, and your loved one is nearby. If you calmly wash a mountain of dishes while talking to him while he makes no attempt to help, your love language is the Language of Spending Time Together. If it is important for you that your partner participates in the process (for example, wiping the table or putting away clean things), then most likely your love language is the Language of Help.

A technique that helps you master the Language of Time Together is to count how many times during the day (or conversation) you look into the eyes of your loved one. And watch his reaction - how much is enough?

Simple questions and difficult answers

When my dad read Gary Chapman's book, he exclaimed: “Now everything is clear to me! I understood why Marinka was offended: I’m always trying to help her, but I just need to be with her... By the way, what is your love language?”

And then I started thinking.

It seemed obvious to me that my love language was the Language of Help. I love helping everyone and do it all the time. It's also my dad's love language, and Gary Chapman says we most often learn our love language as children from our parents. He also said that there can be two love languages - a leading one and an additional one. And I, as a maximalist, declared:

“Of course, help! And the second, probably, touching...”

Dad smiled and stroked my head.

And then something amazing and unexpected happened

Touch appeared in my life. It was as if the Universe responded to the very idea that they could be important to me. After all, before I didn’t like all these hugs and kisses on the cheek during meetings... And then my friends suddenly started hugging me, my colleagues started shaking hands, and I even somehow ended up on a massage training course.

But only six months later it dawned on me: the Language of Touch is my leading love language. It’s just that my loved ones spoke different languages, and expressions of love from strangers left me indifferent.

However, the situation soon improved - as Gary Chapman promised. He said in his book that as soon as we begin to speak with our loved ones in their love languages, they begin to warm up and after a while, by themselves, begin to speak in our languages. For example, a husband begins to help his wife around the house, and she soon begins to give him gifts for trifles, and not just for his birthday. It’s just important not to rush things and give loved ones time to thaw, because sometimes misunderstanding freezes us very much. Don’t expect a quick answer and be generous in the right manifestation of love - and the result will be truly warm relationships and a qualitatively new spiritual intimacy.

This happened to me too. And with my entire family - even with those who didn’t even know about the book. True, thawing occurred over three years. But it's worth it. It is only important to be diligent and not to expect that your loved ones will immediately respond to your love language.

What Gary Chapman didn't write about in his book, but what I noticed

Over six years of consciously studying the five love languages and using this theory in my own life and in counseling clients, I have made several interesting observations.

We may not be aware of our leading love language and focus on an additional one. Perhaps because speaking it is as natural as breathing. Or maybe because we hide from ourselves the urgent need for love and the pain of its lack.

Some people may show love in one language but perceive it in another. For example, I strive to help my loved ones, and I expect touch from them. And my sister languishes without time together, and in return gives gifts. Therefore, experiment, learn new love languages and try to speak them with your loved ones.

What to do if you don’t receive enough expressions of love in your language?

Tell us about this in as simple words as possible. “I really miss words of encouragement from you. I recently realized that I “love with my ears” - it’s important for me to hear kind words from you.”

You can talk about the book “The Five Love Languages” or read this article together :)

What to do if you grew up in the absence of parental love?

If you are such a person, try trying on each of the five languages. Learn to recognize them in the behavior of other people, try to speak different love languages with your loved ones - and try to express love for yourself in each of these languages. This is very important, because we all need a kind, loving attitude towards ourselves.

I also noticed that by mastering love languages that are unusual for us, we gradually master them and become bilingual

When I realized that my sisters spoke the language of gifts, first their gifts began to please me, and then gifts in general, which had never happened before. I fell in love with making gifts and learned how to choose them. Compliments light up smiles around me, and I myself have learned to recognize true care behind words of approval (they are finally starting to work on me!). The time my friends spent on me became especially valuable - by the way, it’s great to start with hugs :)

Now more and more often the thought comes to my mind: what if the natural state of a person is to speak all five love languages? It’s just that at different periods of life one or two are actualized... I like this idea - to listen to each other and be generous with love.

Self-development #Books #Relationships #Emotions

What do scientists think about this feeling?

Love from a chemical point of view:

When you fall in love, the body actively produces serotonin and dopamine. A person is addicted to love.
If a man suddenly loses interest in one girl, he begins to court several women. There is not enough vasopressin hormone in his body.
During the period of passion, human blood is saturated with a cocktail of various hormones. Intimacy cements relationships.

The last stage of love, from the point of view of chemistry, is the attachment of partners to each other. At this stage, the body actively produces the hormone endodiazepine. It silences anxiety and gives peace.

Love is different for each person. Some fear this feeling because of a tragic breakup that caused heartache. Someone gets the highest pleasure from it. In order for a relationship to last longer, be strong, and interesting, you need to constantly introduce novelty into it, try to develop feelings. It is enough to increase interest for passion to flare up again.

What is first love

First love in psychology is considered one of the most vivid emotions. They talk about her a lot in romantic films and literary works. For a person, first love is a serious test, the outcome of which determines the final formation of personality. Some psychologists claim that first love is characteristic of adolescence, while other experts call adolescence sometimes the period of falling in love.

First love is considered pure and innocent. There is no place for self-interest and manipulation in it. That is why it evokes the most acute emotions. If you fall in love during adolescence, the feelings that arise are intensified under the influence of hormones. Against this background, a desire arises for fulfillment in a relationship.

In psychology, it is generally accepted that first love is not forgotten. And this is understandable, because everything that happens to a person for the first time is stored in memory for a long time.

All subsequent relationships are automatically compared to the first love. It rarely turns into anything serious. Because of this, there is a certain understatement and incompleteness.

Beautiful statuses about love with meaning

Don't be shy about your feelings and desires. There will be no other life for them...
Loving eyes don't look around.
If you leave me, I'll go and cut my own sausages.
Indecisiveness is worse than a failed attempt.
So willing to love and be loved.
It's better to be good friends than bad lovers.
You can cheat on guys, but not on principles! (Short statuses about love)
It’s easy to say I love, but not everyone can feel it...
You need to live for the sake of those who need you permanently, not temporarily.
All! Tired of it! I'm leaving for a monastery! In the men's!!!
The beloved is NOT kept as a mistress...
Falling in love with the soul without touching the body is a talent.
How to lose weight by summer if your sweetheart brings chocolates
You have to love so much that everyone goes nuts.
Hit me with truth, but never caress me with lies.
Only his lips can shut my mouth... I love him!
I called, shouted, and felt better.
I have two legs, he has two legs - my God, this is fate.
Alas...But I’m not sick with you...And I didn’t get pregnant because of you!
Friendship that bears fruit is already love.
I want butterflies in my stomach, goosebumps, wind in my head! (Short statuses about love)
Sometimes you love him, you love him... and bam, he cut his hair!
I thought that I would die without you... But no, I’m sitting... eating
Nothing captivates women more than promises.
He's your boyfriend? - Not! He's just mine...
Don't look for the perfect girl. I'm home.
Love is like war: whoever confesses first is the loser.
For love must fight two…
When you allow yourself to be tamed, you sometimes cry.

From love to hate there is one step... To the left.
If you have a dream and love, protect them.
If you don’t call today, I will call... And not you!
An invitation to flirt is written with your eyes.
You can’t command your heart... You can’t prove it to your brain...
Well, where is my prince?! and what kind of mare is he riding?!
The kind of guy a girl becomes like that.
I will return my beloved. Fast. Hurt. Can be in parts or stuffed.
I want to be the reason for your happiness...
I'm not jealous, I protect my happiness.
It's hard to be friends when you want to kiss...
When faith dies, love dies too...
We are a little in love, and therefore a lot crazy.
I didn’t want to... but I fell in love! Sorry... (Short statuses about love)
Stay close, you'll like it.
Love is a sacrifice for the sake of the beloved.
How I want to get drunk only with him... and only tea!
It's really unreal with you.
I ask heaven for so little...just you!
Kiss me as a sign of reconciliation! - Where do you have it?
Sex... it’s like freckles: some have it, and some don’t...
If you can't make a woman happy, don't bother someone else.
Love is a toothache in the heart.
If you love, let go, if it’s yours, it will come back...
Just jokes, jokes, but you will educate yourself...
Tomorrow the one who reads this status will meet his love!
Take my hand - hold on, You are more than life to me...
If you feel discouraged, then into the appropriate arms.
Don't love anyone and everyone will like you.
Walking across the sand without leaving traces - these are not wings... This is love!
The heart does not choose just anyone, it feels native.
Love a woman with all her “nos,” and this is the path to her many “yes.”
I love you - And how do you love me? - How stupid...
It's time to get lost somewhere with someone.

Can't strangle? Hug...
Loving me is difficult... not loving me is even more difficult...
Sometimes you need to move further away to be closer.
For love there is no yesterday, love does not think about tomorrow!
I promise I'll be there. Just say you need it.
Love is stronger than justice. Sting.
Guys often miss out on what is worthy, choosing what is available.
All my ships have been on your shores for a long time. (Short statuses about love)
Carefully! I bring pleasure.
Men's shirts only suit happy girls.
And we are together in spite of all horoscopes!
The first sign of love in men is timidity.
May they lock me in your heart and throw away the key!
My life is in your heartbeat.
What I wanted, I had, what I want, I will get.
Looking for love...knock on my heart!
Sometimes it happens: the body is in one city, and the heart is in another.
Write louder! I am in the kitchen!
You can't argue with lovers and crazy people.
Is it true that if you have boobs, then anything is possible?
We are all in the bustle of love... Either we are not the same, or we are not the same...
I'm not looking for my soul mate, my mother gave birth to me whole!
-How to find a common language? - Kiss!
I find you in every song...
You're like Coca-Cola, I know you're trash, but I like you.
Love is not a choice of the best, but of your own...
I want to be the reason for your happiness...
I'm looking for a good guy. If I find it, I'll ruin it.
If a man is good, then it doesn’t matter what color his Bentley is.
Shut up! I want to hear what your heart is saying.

Short statuses for social networks about love

How hard it is when he is very close, but you can’t reach him!
We love those who don't love us. We destroy those who are in love with us...
And waking up in different beds in different rooms of different houses, we will carefully try to take our first independent breath.
It hurts, said the heart. If you forget, time has calmed down, but I will constantly return, memory whispered.
You are not Romeo to me, I know. And I’m not your Juliet...
Not mutual love, like a drug, is addictive, but when you want to stop, it’s too late and you continue to live in torment...
My eyes are tired from tears. My thoughts can no longer belong to you. Every second comes with great pain in my heart. I love you very much, it’s a pity that it’s not mutual.
Stop inventing dreams with his participation... He doesn’t love you and will never be yours... Return to reality, no matter how much it hurts...
Love is when you look at him and realize that he will never be yours, but you still love him, no matter what...
I fell in love... I fell in love, and you know, I feel so good. I'm even happy. Constantly with him, always close... The only bad thing is that he has no idea about my feelings...
When you leave, leave me in the rain so that I don’t cry alone...
You know, there is something worse than the fact that we are afraid of losing someone we love. - What? - This is when those we love are absolutely not afraid of losing us...
Unrequited love is emptiness inside... You love him, you want to scream about it... But nothing... Silence in response...
When you fall unrequitedly in love, you want to ask for forgiveness from all those who were unrequitedly in love with you...

My love knows no boundaries And every year it grows stronger again, May She kindle reciprocal love in your heart.

Love is a natural disaster: it appears suddenly, but subsides for a long time and with devastating consequences...
I've been with you for 10 years... and every time you kiss me... it blows my mind... isn't that love?!)
I will only calm down when my child bears your last name)
I hate uncertainty... Unanswered SMS, unanswered calls, unfinished conversations... Because you kind of understand that this is the end, but you don’t know where to put the end.
But I still... I will still wait for a call or a text message, and let this subscriber never be on the network again... I will wait... Do you hear? Will!
Love asked “Friendship” why you are in the world if there is “I”. She answered her to leave smiles where you leave tears.
I didn’t know what love was......but I found out.....and it’s cruel..
Live for love, and love will live for you...
The worst thing is to love so much that when you lose a person, you lose a part of yourself.
Love is not a disease. Illness is the absence of love.
We’ve been just friends for a long time, but when we meet, I kiss you on the lips as usual, and you hug me...
And I’m almost happy, all that remains from him are rare photos together and the habit of speaking with his intonation...
At the beginning: “we are so similar”, at the end: “we are too different.”
“I love you” takes 3 seconds to say, 3 hours to explain, and a lifetime to prove.

Love helps kill time, time helps kill love.
When we love, we lose our sight. Often what is ugly seems beautiful to us. He who does not adore the shortcomings of the one he loves cannot say that he is truly in love!
Happiness is different for everyone - this is a fact, but for many its indispensable attributes is LOVE.
I now know what love is. This is both the end and the beginning of your entire existence.
The one who is ardently jealous loves the one who is silent when they meet, and not the one who kisses all the time and always talks about love.
No one knows how fate will turn out... Live freely and do not be afraid of change... When the Lord takes something away, do not miss what he gives in return...
To find love, you need to stop looking for it. And then she will come herself, at least out of curiosity.
I don’t love you... But I cry when I remember how happy we were together. I just valued our relationship... Nothing more.
Bitter tears quietly fell into the pillow, I am not your love, but just a TOY.
If I had one single wish, I would wish to go back to the past - to where you still loved me.
No person can become more of a stranger than the one you loved in the past...
Your heart will beat, your breathing will become more frequent - love is a sweet torment of suffering... You will say: “I love”, and he will hide his eyes and declare cruelly; "we're just friends".
The most cruel thing is to part without explanation, to leave silently, leaving a person alone with hundreds of razor-sharp questions in his head that only you can answer.

Short statuses about love with meaning

Happinnes exists. I know him. I know his phone number, his habits, the color of his eyes. They are beautiful. He has gentle hands and is a great kisser!
Unrequited love is useful for a poet's notebook: it fills the pages, emptying his soul.
They say it hurts, having felt love, to watch it leave... But it’s even more painful, holding her hand, to let go yourself...
If you want life to smile at you, give it your good mood first.
Beautiful words... Smart thoughts... Online around the clock... Just for you... It's a pity you don't appreciate...
Go somewhere, without a phone, lose my memory, and then I hope you won’t appear in my life again!
Nothing hurts a person more than the fragments of his own happiness.
Tomorrow the one who reads this status will meet his love!
Crazy love passes quickly, but the love of two crazy people never!
You can forgive a person everything except absence.
The one who is dressed in happiness looks good)
If I could, I would wish to become your tears, to be born in your eyes and die on your lips. But if you were my tears, then I would never cry, in fear of losing you.
It is difficult and scary to feel superfluous where you were recently necessary.
I'm getting used to it. I don’t wait, I don’t tolerate, I don’t forgive. I'm not killing myself, I'm not bored. I'm just getting used to it.

And there is no past. Forget about our “we”. You have her, I have four walls.

Too much sugar in tea. It's too early to get up in the morning. It’s too cold outside and inside me... There’s too much of everything in my life. But you are almost gone...
Morning. Bed. It's time to get up. Univer. Friends. I am going home. Dinner. Bar. Friends. House. Dinner. Internet. Bath. Bed. I turn off the light. You see, you are not on this list...

Delete the "love it" file? - Yes. "Are you sure?" - Yes. The file is in use. Please, first stop loving, then delete...
“I heal wounds,” said Time. “I inspire,” said Happiness. “And I hurt, lift you to the skies, and then throw you to the ground,” Lyubov grinned.
It doesn't matter what happens next, because I love you now..
Being loved is more than being rich. Because to be loved means to be happy. Money can't buy happiness...
She makes us suffer, do stupid things, who is she? LOVE! And it doesn’t always bring happiness.
The greatest joy in life is the understanding that they love us for who we are, or despite who we are.
We hate those we love because they are the ones who can cause us the most suffering.
No, he doesn’t like me, but from him only “hello!”, just a glance, or just a purely accidental touch of your hand... You don’t sleep all night anymore...
They say that love is a rose and its hopes are good... No, it’s not true, love is tears, it is the cry of a sick soul...
There is no such thing as mutual love! There are two people who don't need each other, but one of them doesn't understand it yet.
Love is when it doesn’t matter at all what distance you are from your loved one, because you are still within the range of his open and loving heart...
The most serious relationships are those about which at first you think “ah, we’ll meet for a week and that’s enough.”
If a person appears in your life with whom you forget the past, then this person is your future!
There is always someone looking at you while you are looking at someone else.
And so they lived... He is in her heart, and she is on the list of his friends...
I will love YOU with cement effect! I will fill you with my love from head to toe and over time it will only grow stronger! All that remains is to find YOU.
It's spring already. Only a meter of snow gets in the way. Already love. Only non-reciprocity gets in the way.
How hard it is when he is very close, but you can’t reach him!