Open relationships: types, pros and cons, rules and conditions

An open relationship between a man and a woman is almost like a relationship without obligations. While staying in them, partners may have absolutely no “debts” to each other. There are many views on open relationships as such, but two are interesting. According to the first point of view, absolute freedom dominates in such relationships: there are no rules and boundaries in the behavior of men and women with other people. It is generally accepted that in this case the family as such cannot exist, that it is more simply fornication of partners than a connection. There is also a point of view according to which an open relationship is the freedom of partners in any relationship, except for sexual ones.

About what open relationships lead to, what pros and cons they have, as well as views on things and the psychology of the issue - all this is presented in the article.

What is an open relationship like?

We have already shown that open relationships are partnerships without obligations. However, there are two main polar points of view. Here is their detailed description:

1. A man and a woman, while in a relationship, make a voluntary decision to have a completely free relationship. They give up such feelings as jealousy; for them, lying as a tool for anything ceases to have any meaning. Often in such unions there are no conflicts based on betrayal (moral, spiritual, physical) because the mutual responsibility of the partners to each other is completely absent. Flirting and sexual intercourse on the side are only part of what the members of the couple agreed on. Making demands on each other for anything is not what this open relationship scenario is about. Partners are free from the word “completely”.
2. In the case of the second scenario, it is customary to talk about the presence of a limitation. One. These are sexual relationships on the side. It may seem strange, but partners allow each other to walk, meet, go to the movies, restaurants, and more with other people. But just don't sleep. Here freedom is no longer absolute. Here, partners are responsible to each other in terms of maintaining physical fidelity. That is, moral, spiritual betrayals and others are in no way condemned by the members of the couple.

Which scenario do you think best describes the essence of the relationship format under consideration?
I think it's the first one. Freedom must be absolute.

50%

I think it's the second one. It seems to me that this scenario is more realistic.

0%

I think both are delusional. I'm against.

50%

Voted: 2

Open relationships often give people mixed feelings. At the same time, the majority, adhering to traditional values, including family ones, look at this format of relationships between people extremely negatively. However, there are those for whom a free union is a way to have a constant connection with one partner, but satisfy needs that cannot be satisfied with a person who is constantly nearby. An example is nymphomania.

Male point of view

Men are polygamous by nature, so the format of such a family is very attractive to them. What does the sw relationship format mean for the stronger sex?

First of all, this is the opportunity to cheat on your companion with impunity. But there is a catch: the young lady also has the right to cheat within the framework of this marriage model. And here another natural feature manifests itself in the head of the family - individualism. The feeling of jealousy takes its toll, although in fact there are no obligations to each other.

These masculine characteristics are often forgotten when choosing this type of relationship. There are many pitfalls here, including jealousy, the feeling of the presence of an opponent, and time constraints. In fact, it would be a mistake to assume that a guy is able to withstand this type of love for a long time. He will still go to a new passion, more conservative in his views.

Types of relationships without obligations

It is customary to distinguish several types of open relationships. Some of them involve different conditions and prohibitions (full and partial). Among the common types traditionally identified by psychologists, we note such as guest marriage, friendly sex and polyamory.

Let us briefly describe each of the presented types.

1. Guest marriage . We have a separate article about it. You can read it. In short, a guest marriage is a relationship in which the official spouses do not live together. Guest marriage is often spoken of as a union in which a man and woman remain faithful to each other. However, an increasingly common point of view is that in this case there is a place for “notes” of free principles. We do not share it, but present it for your information. There is only one argument - people in guest marriages do not always refuse to live together for subjective reasons; they often “get together” altogether. To understand what we are talking about, we recommend that you read the article listed above.
2. Friendly sex . It's about friends, a man and a woman who share a close friendship. They can be attached to each other, but at the same time they do not feel the desire to be together in the literal sense of the word. However, members of the couple, as befits any full-fledged union, can go to cafes, cinemas together, spend days, evenings and even nights together. At the same time, there are no mutual obligations between the partners. No love. Only affection.
3. Polyamory . This phenomenon itself, in simple terms, boils down to polygamy, but partially. Let's show a specific situation with an example: a husband and wife who have lived together for ten or more years understand that, for example, they no longer satisfy each other physically. To save the relationship (and sometimes revive it), they agree that they can cheat (or regularly cheat) on each other. It may seem disgusting and strange, but sometimes it works.

Which species do you think is the “lesser evil”?

First. After this article, I’ll go read the one you pointed to.

50%

Second. I would be interested in trying it (I already have experience).

50%

Third. It seems that he is interesting and most favorable.

0%

Voted: 2

We do not promote any type of open relationship. We do not call for their popularization. Everyone is free to make their own choice.

Male point of view

Everyone knows that for men, cheating is much less often a bad thing than for women. This is what is commonly believed. It is also generally accepted that men are polygamous. But this point of view is not always fair, and in some sense it is even subjective.

Remember the two scenarios we already talked about? It is inappropriate to attach male points of view to them, because there are men who, in principle, eschew the practices of open relationships. But there are also those for whom they are not the norm, but quite acceptable.

Here are some examples:

• sometimes for a man an open relationship will be much more honest. An even more specific example is the absence of sexual relations with your wife. Not all representatives of the stronger sex see this as the norm. It is even useless for them to talk about something that is inherent in us at the physiological level. And if in this case everything in the family becomes subject to threat, while the man does not need a new family, he can commit treason. Proposing an open relationship to his partner is his way out of a problematic situation;
• Another example is a man’s view of open relationships as the highest value in terms of relationships with women. There are some representatives of the stronger sex for whom the opportunity to meet, walk, sleep and not only with many women, while being in a serious relationship with one of them, is the highest pleasure. We can talk about selfishness and hedonism, but if such a man develops a stable relationship with a woman who supports the principles of an absolutely or partially free relationship, then why not have one?

Let us repeat a simple truth once again: if a man wants to be in an open relationship with a partner who doesn’t mind at all, then everything is fine. A case when it is a one-sided, sole decision of one of the partners should be considered bad.

Women's point of view

Just as men are commonly thought to be polygamous, women are often said to be monogamous. There are women and even men who believe that female monogamy is nothing more than the result of patriarchal attitudes and principles that have dominated the world for centuries and remain in force today. This partly explains some of the popularity of feminism, at least in its part concerning the freedom of female representatives in terms of choosing sexual relations.

In the case of women, everything is exactly the same as in the case of men. There are those for whom an open relationship, regardless of the scenario, is a great evil. There are also those for whom open relationships are not just the norm, but in a sense the motto of life.

Both a man and a woman, regardless of their other views, beliefs, attitudes, can make decisions regarding whether or not to enter into an open relationship. We urge readers, first of all, to respect others, family and friends. We call for respect for all people. If you meet a couple who are happy in an open relationship, don't be the first to judge their members. The partners made conscious choices and enjoy what they do. This is their conscious choice.

There are many interesting opinions regarding the fact that men are more willing to enter into open relationships. However, in practice, everything is different: a couple that is free in terms of connections with other partners cannot exist without the consent of both. Fair? Exactly!

Do you think a free union can exist without the mutual consent of the partners?

I think no. This is no longer an alliance, but simply betrayal.

75%

I think yes. This often happens even in seemingly strong families.

0%

I find it difficult to answer. The essence of the format in question is not clear to me.

25%

Voted: 4

To understand why both women and men are equal in the context of open relationships, let's try to understand the question presented below.

Why do women agree to relationships without commitment?

There can be an infinite number of reasons why a woman chooses an open relationship. We will consider the most common ones.

Here are the main reasons that push women to decide to enter into an open relationship:

• deception of a partner . Some women, faced with deception by one or more partners, lose faith in the relationship. “The man deceived me, I will never enter into a serious relationship again” is what they say. Some people lose trust in the stronger sex completely. This is psychology. The result is the adoption by a representative of the fair sex of the attitude that “an open relationship is better than another deception.” Sometimes in this way a woman deceives herself and nothing more. This is in the worst case, when, having approached one relatively permanent partner, he steps on the “same rake”, but this time voluntarily;
• experiment _ Just like for men, for some women the practice of open relationships is simply an excuse and a way to experiment. New sensations, new experiences, greater freedom than in the traditional format - this is what attracts women. Most often, experienced couples undertake such experiments when they come to the conclusion that feelings between them gradually begin to fade away. Psychologists note that in their practice there are many cases where open relationships saved not only families, but also feelings. Partners in such cases, realizing through experience that a better man (woman) could not be found, returned to their usual course, satisfied with the experience gained.

Women's point of view

Women are more monogamous than the stronger sex. Of course, the feminist movement has been gaining popularity recently, however, it has not been able to curb the desire of girls to get married. What does this term mean for beautiful young ladies? Why do they agree to this? Psychology identifies several main reasons:

1. The man cheated. One day a girl meets a handsome prince, falls in love with him, and accepts all his words as truth. Here the sly man begins to start talking about the delights of an open relationship, giving a bunch of arguments in their favor. Having trusted him, she herself does not notice how she falls into their network.
2. The woman is cheating. This is the reverse of the first case. The lady herself gives freedom without making any claims. But a wise woman will only first give imaginary freedom, and then she will envelop him in deceit and drag him into the registry office.
3. I was deceived in my expectations. This happens too. The wife herself is thinking about a serious relationship and decided to conduct an experiment to see if she likes this format more than the traditional one. Moreover, usually such ladies were disappointed more than once. In reality, such freedom becomes a cage for a representative of the fair half of humanity who dreams of mutual love.

Pros and cons of open relationships

Any love relationship that unfolds within the framework of the “free union” model, like others, has its own characteristics and has both advantages and disadvantages. This section is dedicated to them. Simply reflecting on the pros and cons of the format would be unfair and subjective, if only because the majority says that the free format is immoral. Therefore, we will rely on the experience of couples who, one way or another, have had the opportunity to try for themselves what an open relationship is.

pros

The advantages of the couple are:

• no obligation . This advantage is often noted by people who do not want to burden themselves with obligations in a relationship. They are attracted by the absence of restrictions, frameworks, taboos, as well as the presence of sincere feelings for one partner, although they often simply do not exist;
• newness of sensations . Have you heard anything about how sooner or later relationships get boring? Psychologists say that this is not at all how one could describe the free unions that develop between men and women. This is not a call to create it addressed to you, but simply a fact. Sometimes the format in question becomes a constant and stable source of “fresh air” for people;
• there is no place for jealousy . People who make a choice in favor of mutually open relationships do not know what jealousy is. From the word “absolutely”. The absence of mutual restrictions, obligations and various kinds of frameworks is a factor that literally destroys the concept of “jealousy” in an alliance between partners.

Total : there is no jealousy, no quarrels based on it, there is warm friendship. There are no limits or taboos, there is free love and spiritual intimacy. All this is about the advantages of the format.

Which of the presented advantages seems to you the most significant?

The first one, of course. I don't like obligations.

0%

Second. Life is a great experience. We need to use its potential to its fullest.

25%

Third. I hate the feeling of jealousy.

25%

I don't see any advantages at all.

50%

Voted: 4

Minuses

Turning to the experience of couples, we can highlight some disadvantages of free unions. Among them:

• the likelihood of contracting infections . It is a consequence, understandably, of permissiveness in sexual terms. From here the following is clear: what someone considers a big plus is, at the same time, a big threat to the health of both partners. Another interesting observation: the more one partner surpasses the other in the number of connections on the side, the faster the latter manifests jealousy. It’s a paradox, but this can also happen;
• condemnation and censure from society . 9 out of 10 people, according to data available from the All-Russian Center for the Study of Public Opinion, consider open relationships not only immoral, but also unacceptable. This is true for Russia, because tolerance and tolerance of dissidents here is very rare. This is not good. It's not bad. This is just an example. In Europe, for example, and America, the format we are talking about is also condemned, but not so much;
• fragility . According to the practice of couples in open relationships, the relationship in them is more often short-lived than vice versa. Sometimes both subsequently decide to stop leading a “double” life, sometimes alone. In the second case, which is understandable, the union is almost certainly doomed.

What do you think is the most serious disadvantage?

First. Sexual infections are terrible!

25%

Second. I never understood (understood) why people care about the lives of others.

25%

Third. I believe that the format you are considering has no future at all.

50%

Voted: 4

Where to begin

Any open relationship must begin with honesty and openness. Partners must express their own desires and needs as accurately and concisely as possible. This will save the man and woman from unnecessary conflicts and unforeseen situations. It is mutual and complete trust that is the key component of communication without obligations.

Strict rules will help avoid quarrels and misunderstandings

Partners should talk about even the most unpleasant things, since deliberately hushing up problems will lead to the collapse of the romance. Under no circumstances should you adhere to such a model of behavior solely in the interests of your other half.

Principles and main rules of a free union

Here are 7 basic principles and rules, which are a kind of values ​​of any free union between a man and a woman:

1. Absolute freedom. We have already written about this many times. There is no mutual control between partners. There are no clear boundaries regarding what is permitted. There is only a conditional agreement regarding mutual freedom.
2. Lots of free time. This principle assumes that one or another partner can do what he needs at any time. There may be too few collaborative interactions.
3. Rare meetings. Yes, that happens. This is a corollary following from the second point.
4. Few mutual friends. This, just like rare meetings, can be tied to the second point.
5. Lack of plans for life together. Men and women in open relationships often prefer not to think about each other's feelings; they do not make long-term plans for what the future will be like. A joint.
6. Lack of concern for each other's feelings. Often this provokes one of the partners to take offense, especially if there is no opportunity to discuss the situation. This is both a principle and a rule: the fact is that where there is a place for sincere feelings in their traditional understanding, there is no place for open relationships.
7. Lack of constant communication. And it's partly about freedom. If within the traditional scenario everything is based on mutual affection, on partnership as such, that is, without reservations, then within the framework of a free union the partnership is distorted.

If the relationship becomes unfree

If one of the partners has realized that they have fallen in love, feel deep affection and want a family, then it is worth talking about this with a fan of an open relationship. Maybe your partner is also feeling affection.

However, you shouldn't hope for a happy ending. There is a chance that your partner will throw up his hands and say that he is still not ready for a serious romance.

In this case, you should not wait for him, believe and flatter yourself with hopes that he will someday change his mind. No matter how painful it may be, the union should be terminated and your efforts directed toward finding a partner with whom your life guidelines will coincide.

Advice from psychologists

Here are the recommendations that psychologists give to people who are somehow faced with the topic of open relationships:

• do not agree to create a free union if this is the desire of only your partner. Parting is painful, but even more painful is living with a person and the realization that he does whatever his heart (and not only) pleases, forgetting about the feelings of his partner;
• understand and accept all the risks associated with creating a free union. Are you ready for real feelings to arise? How would you feel if your partner found someone else, more “worthy” on the side? Think about this first. Open relationships are wonderful in their freedom, but they can cause terrible mental pain;
• understand that an open relationship, even if it is an experiment, requires a conscious approach. This is not a game, it is the same relationship with all the corresponding consequences, but different from what a free format can provide. These are both pros and cons that you need to be prepared for.

Questions to ask each other if you decide to choose freedom in a relationship:

№1

Is it allowed to be with the same person twice?

№2

Is it possible to communicate with your lover later as with a friend? Or is only physical intimacy allowed?

№3

How will we protect ourselves? Is this necessary?

№4

Is it permissible for a partner to meet the object of affection? If yes, under what circumstances? Is it possible to bring a third person into the house?

№5

What to do if your lover/mistress starts showing their complaints? What should I say?

And much more... Without discussing every important nuance that interests you, it will be difficult to protect yourself from conflicts.

Who is an open relationship suitable for?

Here are some examples of who the format is suitable for:

• for those who want to strengthen their marriage. We have already shown that some married couples whose relationship history is “bearded” save their families in this way. It should be remembered that such a decision can destroy the marriage. Open relationships in the family as an experiment sometimes strengthen it, and sometimes finish it off;
• young people. There is an opinion according to which young people who do not yet have experience in relationships should first gain experience in a free union. This supposedly eliminates the possibility that during a serious family life there will be a desire to “take a walk.” We share it, but only partly. Each of us must bear full responsibility for all our actions and decisions;
• busy people. We are talking, for example, about careerists. Heavily busy people, for objective reasons, cannot live a full family life; they cannot have serious relationships in the traditional sense for objective reasons.

What might be hiding behind the screen of free love?

Quite often, behind the screen of free and unencumbered love, secret factors and intentions can be hidden.

The need to heal emotional wounds

Sometimes a partner agrees to an open romance because of his own need to “warm up” by someone else’s fire, heal emotional wounds and move into a more traditional relationship. Thus, a person risks becoming an ordinary bandage, which will be used to heal mental trauma, and then be disposed of as unnecessary.

The intention to remake a person

In some cases, a man or woman enters into this format of relationship with the secret intention of reaching out to the person and changing his thoughts. However, it should be remembered that these thoughts are absolutely utopian and never bring the desired effect.

Desire for a polygamous life

There are situations when people choose a polygamous lifestyle because they are afraid to trust another person again, want to find someone more suitable, or are not yet sure of their own feelings.

FAQ

The following are answers to questions directly or indirectly related to the topic of open relationships.

What can you do to make an open relationship serious?

Alas, it’s okay if this is the desire of only one of the partners. It's like trying to change a cheater who is willing to give anything to have as much sexual freedom as possible. If we are talking about a case where the desires of the partners in this part are mutual, then nothing difficult will happen. Here we can draw a comparison with the beginning of a new relationship: you need to do everything as it would be in a traditional case.

How to take relationships to the next level?

Free - no way. They are, in essence, already the final level of development. There are, however, two probable scenarios: the breakdown of the union or the transition to monogamy and mutual fidelity in all senses. If we talk about traditional connections, then taking them to a new level is not as easy as it seems. It is generally accepted that the best scenario for events is when everything goes as usual. It is also good when the transition is carried out on the initiative and joint efforts of two partners. Working alone will almost certainly lead to nothing.

How to bring back the spark to a long distance relationship?

Anything that would help in a normal relationship can help. The first thing you need to understand is the prospects for communication. Is this entertainment? Then you don't need to do anything. Is this seriously love? Then such questions would definitely not exist.

What relationships exist?

There are many of them. These are healthy (traditional), unhealthy (when there is a sick attachment of one of the partners and not only), partnership (when, in addition to love, the principles of partnership dominate), happy, unhappy, and so on. There are too many types, as well as their classifications according to individual criteria.

What is a closed relationship?

It is generally accepted that they are based on a simple principle. Here it is: “I am you, you are me. And we don’t need anyone.”

How is polygamy different from polyamory?

Polyamory is not tied to family or marriage relationships; it is a kind of variable system of attitude towards love as such. You can find out what polyamory is by reading the section of the article “Types of relationships without obligations.”

What is normal in a relationship?

You must answer this question for yourself. No one can know this better than you. Why? Because your relationship is only yours and your partner's.