The success of every person depends on how honest he is with himself. After all, it often happens when a person achieves high success in his career or builds a strong family. But he doesn’t get much pleasure from it, the path to achieving the goal was difficult, and the result is not pleasing. This happens to people who are not honest with themselves. The reasons for this behavior may be different, but the result is the same - unhappiness. How to stop lying to yourself and start taking control of your life? In this article we will try to reflect the main aspects of this topic. So that you can understand, understand and apply the recommendations in practice.
Why do we lie to ourselves?
Lying is a defensive reaction of our psyche, which reduces the intensity of negative experiences. In such cases, the person takes actions on an unconscious level to avoid the problem. Because of these defense mechanisms, our brains are programmed to deceive ourselves.
For example, a person needs to do some important and complex work that requires a lot of effort and time. But he is not in the mood to start it. Then the following can be observed in his behavior: postponing the task until later, trying to shift this task to another person, devaluing this task, starting to do less important things in order to refer to being busy, etc. This is exactly how the defense mechanisms of our psyche work.
Option 2
(445 words) What kind of person can we call honest to ourselves? One who has normal self-esteem and a critical mindset, allowing him to analyze his actions in a timely manner and draw an impartial conclusion. He does not exaggerate his merits and notices his mistakes. To see such a person as an example, let us turn to Russian literature.
So, A.N. Ostrovsky in the play “The Thunderstorm” portrayed the image of Katerina - a conscientious and self-critical woman who is always honest with herself. In the very first act, the heroine admits to herself and Varvara that she anticipates a tragic outcome. She mercilessly reproaches herself for loving another person. “Oh, Varya, sin is on my mind! How much I, poor thing, cried, what I didn’t do to myself! I can't escape this sin. You can’t go anywhere,” admits Katerina. In her feelings for Boris, she already sees a vice, cruelly flagellates herself for the fact that she cannot save herself from this hobby: “What is on my mind! What a sin! It’s scary to say!” The heroine is aware of her feelings and says in advance that she will rush into the Volga if she “gets fed up” at home. That's what she did in the finals. She does not hide anything from herself, so she strives to be frank with the people around her, even despite the consequences of her openness. Therefore, Katerina publicly confessed that she had fallen in love with another. So she went to Boris and offered to go to Siberia. Therefore, she did not accept Kalinov’s hypocrisy and lies in order to live in peace. First of all, the heroine is honest with herself, which is why she is so sincere and straightforward with other people.
However, even those who deceive others can be honest with themselves. We see such an example in M. Gorky’s play “At the Depths”. Satin is a sharper, he deceives those who play cards with him. His work is directly related to fraud. However, he believes that “truth is the God of a free man,” therefore he destroys the Actor’s illusions and proves to him the inconsistency of Luke’s promises. He opposes “white lies,” so he doesn’t even spare himself. Konstantin readily admits that after prison there is “no way forward” and that he is a finished man (“you can’t kill twice”). The hero does not hesitate to say that other people treat him with contempt and reproach him for inactivity. Konstantin himself more than once calls himself a swindler: “Why can’t a cheater sometimes speak well if decent people... speak like a cheater?” There is no place for falsehood and rose-colored glasses in his picture of the world. Satin evaluates his life painfully objectively, so only he alone can accept his position in the world and come to terms with it.
Thus, if a person is honest with himself, he evaluates himself fairly and has the strength, courage, and will to admit that he is wrong, to give credit to his behavior, to give an interpretation to secret thoughts and intimate experiences of a personal nature. People capable of this can hide their conclusions from others, but they themselves always indulge in reflection and self-flagellation.
Why is it so important to be honest with yourself?
Honesty reflects the real world
A lie plunges a person into an imaginary world of dreams and fantasies. And so that this picture does not collapse, the person continues to lie always and everywhere. And if gaps appear in the world of dreams through which reality is visible, then the person begins to engage in self-justification, not recognizing the truth. As a result, a lot of energy and resources are wasted on building a wall between the real and fictional worlds.
Honesty leads to development
When a person is honest with himself, he knows what he really wants. He has a lot of effort, time and aspirations that lead him to success.
Honesty allows you to be yourself
A holistic personality is, first of all, a free personality. A person is free from complexes, stereotypes, anxiety and other experiences. Such people know themselves very well, it is difficult to confuse them and lead them astray from the desired direction.
Honesty breeds efficiency
Honest people admit their mistakes, draw conclusions and move on. In this way, they gain useful experience, and over time it becomes easier for them to solve difficult life issues. Therefore, they experience much less fear, and during their life journey, they experience interest in everything that happens.
The main thing is pleasure
When the goal is achieved, some people become depressed. What's next? Why am I not delighted?
“It all depends on how we move towards the goal: with pleasure from the process, from every small step on the way to the cherished goal, or in constant tension, losing touch with reality,” explains Ekaterina Mukhacheva. - In the first case, achieving the goal will be perceived as a holiday, and it will serve as the foundation for new plans. In the second, joy will be replaced by a feeling of devastation.”
The words of the Gestalt therapist partly confirm the phrase, which in the East is perceived not as a good wish, but as a curse: “May all your dreams come true.” When we get what we want, it becomes routine, everyday life.
How to be honest with yourself?
Ask yourself difficult and uncomfortable questions
- Do I really need this?
- Will I benefit from this?
- Am I doing nonsense?
- Do I like it?
- What do I really want?
Honesty with yourself is, first of all, awareness. You must understand what, why and why you act this way at one time or another. What motivation drives you? By asking questions like these, you can adjust your path of movement so as not to end up in a swamp.
Give honest answers
There are times when you don’t even want to think in one direction or another, because you don’t see a positive outcome. But it is precisely at these moments that difficult questions cannot be avoided. To competently resolve such situations, try not to rush. Give yourself time to rest and then think about your actions.
To take responsibility
A person who is honest with himself is aware of his own responsibility for his life. Such people are not inclined to blame circumstances or others for their problems. They do not look for excuses for their inaction.
A PARABLE about honesty
“Once upon a time, a wise emperor ruled a certain country for a long time. The time has come, he grew old and decided to announce his heir. Everyone expected it to be one of his children or followers. But the emperor came up with something else. He ordered to gather in the palace all, without exception, the young men living in the country. And he told them the following: “I need to appoint the next ruler. And I decided that I would choose this person from among you.” Everyone who was in the palace hall at that moment fell into bewilderment. The elderly ruler continued: “I will give everyone a seed. You will plant it, tend it for a year, and then return to the palace with the harvest. Whoever has the best plant will become my successor!” The young man, whose name was Ling, also received his seed. When he told his mother about the emperor's task, she helped him put him away. Then the young man carefully raised it and checked every morning to see if small shoots had appeared. Time passed. When they met, the other youths boasted to Lingu about their achievements. But nothing appeared in Ling’s pot. He began to consider himself insignificant because everyone else was only boasting about their harvest. Six months passed unnoticed, but Ling still had no results. He blamed himself for everything, that he himself had ruined the precious plant. And now the deadline set by the ruler has ended. As agreed, all the young men brought the plants they had grown to the palace. And Ling did not want to go there, but his loving mother said that he must be honest and be able to admit defeat... When Ling appeared in the palace, he saw a huge variety of different plants that other young men had brought. When the emperor saw all this, he said: “You all deserve praise! Your harvest is simply wonderful!” Ling tried to be inconspicuous during the emperor's speech. But the emperor noticed his empty pot and called the young man forward. Everyone started laughing at Ling when they saw that there was nothing in the pot except soil. And the ruler suddenly said: “Here is my successor!” You all remember that, having received the seed, you had to return to the palace with the results of your labors in a year. But none of you knew that those seeds could not germinate, they were spoiled, I pre-cooked them. But you, besides Ling, still bore the fruits of your labors. You have replaced the seed you received from me. And Ling is the only one whose honesty I have no doubt about. Therefore, he will replace me and become your emperor!”
(from the Collection “31 positive PARABLES that change your life for the better”)
Author: Victoria Saiko
The main qualities of an honest person are to trust people, tell the truth and be yourself!
There are different situations in life when a person is faced with a problem and it needs to be solved, where suddenly an exculpatory mechanism turns on, which begins to persuade him to evade actions or, on the contrary, to act in a selfish manner contrary to his conscience. This cannot be allowed!
Remember - dishonesty and deception almost always come to light. The truth cannot be hidden! Lying is punishable. If retribution or punishment did not come right now, then it will definitely overtake you in another situation.
Basic human virtue
Honesty is an important requirement of morality and also underlies trust between people. Their life together is unimaginable without truthfulness and trust. In addition, this is avoidance of lies and fraud in relation to others. You can be an honest person while giving false information if you have the same point of view. In this case, there is no selfish motive for lying.
Such a worthy quality as honesty penetrates deep into the essence. Every word and action clearly demonstrates it. An honest person with a strong character and a crystal clear reputation deserves respect and recognition. At the same time, honesty is a point of view regarding the developed spirituality of the interlocutor so much as to understand and accept the whole truth, no matter how bitter it may be. Nobility is also closely related to honesty.
Is everything so clear?
In reality, everything is not so simple. Should a doctor be honest? Naturally! How can we trust him with our health and even life if he lies to us, making the wrong diagnoses or prescribing unnecessary medications.
What if, based on the results of your tests, the doctor finds out the terrible truth. Should he then come and tell you point-blank: “Everything is very bad.” No chance. No one and nothing will help you." Are you sure you would like to hear this truth from a doctor? And that such honesty is really much better than understatement. After all, the doctor could have acted differently. Tell you that he was very upset by the results of your tests. And he will think about what can be done. This is a “white lie.” And to say that this is bad would be wrong.
And also, in society, there are stereotypes and dogmas. And you are not at all obliged to follow them. If your path of self-development and self-expression does not correspond to someone else's ideas, this does not mean that you should correspond to them. Live in a way that is true and right for you personally. We repeat: if it does not harm anyone and does not violate the boundaries of other people in any way.
Honesty in relationships
- Honesty breeds trust. And trust is the basis of strong family relationships, friendships, raising children and career growth. How many families have been destroyed due to lies and deception, how many friends and relationships have been lost. And the reason for this is the lack of honesty in relationships between people
- It is important to understand that small lies always develop into bigger ones. It accumulates like a snowball, causing in a person constant feelings of tension, nervousness, guilt and fear of being exposed. This can greatly ruin your life and relationships with loved ones and acquaintances.
- Lying causes stress and health problems.
There is real evidence of the positive impact of honesty on human health. The results of such studies were carried out in America and were published there.
Half of the 110-person group was asked to stop lying for 10 weeks. The other half did not receive any instructions. Scientists assessed the health status and level of interpersonal relationships of each of the subjects on a weekly basis. The number of “wrongs” said was determined using a lie detector.
Dishonesty and Excuses
Excuses are the friend of dishonesty. When engaging in self-deception, a person does something indecent, dishonest, and then comes up with excuses for himself.
As a result, self-respect is lost and self-esteem falls, because a person deep down understands that he is acting dishonestly.
Self-deception does not go unnoticed. A person begins to perceive the world through the prism of excuses and lies.
To always be honest means to live by the highest moral principles you know. This kind of life requires you to develop the habit of constantly reflecting on who you are and what you believe.
You must clearly understand what exactly is unacceptable for you.
Once you decide to build your life based on certain moral values and honesty, you must follow them faithfully, as if you had taken an oath!
