Life is comparable to a series of black and white time intervals, changing in accordance with the events that occur in the world around us. Occurring situations are regarded as reasons for personal self-improvement, or become prerequisites for loss of mental balance. It is not surprising that a common reason affecting the deterioration of psychological state is the negative behavior of people close to us. Often, a depressed mood knocks you out of your usual rhythm and deprives you of sleep, is accompanied by a feeling of loneliness and gives rise to a variety of negative thoughts on a subconscious level. The risk of internal and social conflicts directly depends on the scale of betrayal committed by a loved one.
How to change the current course of events? Where can I find the strength to restore spiritual harmony? Is it worth forgiving the offender? What symptoms and consequences are characteristic of individuals who are disappointed in loved ones? Are there effective ways to get out of depression? How to continue to communicate with a friend or lover? To answer the questions that arise, you need to take a responsible approach to studying the problem. Disturbances in the functioning of congenital and acquired psychological defense mechanisms can cause the emergence of intrapersonal conflict, therefore, neglecting spiritual torment, hoping for a successful combination of circumstances, is an inappropriate solution.
Typical symptoms of disappointment
It is of paramount importance to identify the presence of depression in time. People experiencing severe spiritual suffering in the early stages refuse to acknowledge the magnitude of the situation. If you are faced with the betrayal of a loved one, then think about the need to monitor the course of your thoughts in the near future. Be honest with yourself. It is not surprising that disappointment will significantly damage your psychological state - there is no need to be ashamed or afraid of such a result; it is recommended to “fight” it correctly. You can determine the presence of an internal personality conflict caused by a powerful emotional “push” using common symptoms resulting from disappointment:
Anxiety that fills the consciousness and dulls the activity of innate psychological defense mechanisms. Such a state is invariably accompanied by excessive tension in the nervous system, signaling the danger of the current state of “things.” Resentment and aggression, explained by the presence of increased levels of anger in devoted people. In a fit of such emotions, we resort to insults, trying to offend the offender. Severe “forms” of internal indignation are accompanied by assault and a complete loss of control over one’s actions. However, regardless of the manifestation of their spiritual state, after such situations people often stop maintaining relationships. Self-doubt and loss of hope for a bright future, in which the events that happened will remain only an unpleasant memory. The gradation of one’s own emotions and negative thoughts is necessarily embodied in negative projections of upcoming situations. A person initially sets himself up for failure, losing faith in a positive outcome. Denial of the events that took place, driving a person into the punishment cell of internal experiences. It is not surprising that disagreement with the circumstances that have occurred develops into a serious mental illness. Loss of mental balance and apathy towards the world around us, aggressive behavior and inadequate response are common symptoms that characterize a degenerating personality.
After reviewing the above list, you have the opportunity to assess the scale of the current situation. If you do not set such a goal, then the only option that can restore the harmony of your inner world is regular visits to a practicing psychologist. Only a professional will be able to identify the true causes and correctly diagnose the patient, making the right decision on the treatment of a serious mental illness.
Where do the black streaks in life come from?
A person’s life depends not only on his personal efforts, but also on external influences. For example, a salary was delayed - a person worked regularly all month, but is sitting without money. Here's a black streak for you.
And then troubles pile up like a snowball. When depressed, people make wrong decisions, become distracted, and inattentive. They make mistakes, and as a result - major and minor troubles.
It is important to remember that getting into a black streak is much easier than getting out of it.
Common reasons for disappointment in people
Disappointment in a loved one becomes a serious psychological test for us, testing our consciousness and spiritual world for resistance to external stimuli. The prerequisites for the emergence of such a state are concepts typical of modern society - love, friendship, work, family. Within the above “institutions,” a disruption occurs in the usual flow of life, creating emotional instability and loss of self-confidence. Psychologists traditionally include the following factors as common reasons that contribute to a person’s frustration:
Idle talk, accompanied by baseless lies and inappropriate jokes. Some call such people dreamers, not paying attention to this feature in their behavior. However, for a loved one, constant communication with a liar becomes a serious test, which is psychologically difficult to overcome. Cowardice, which manifests itself mainly at important life moments. People who are afraid to face their fears can set up a friend at any moment or go back on their words. It is not surprising that communicating with weak-willed individuals is an impractical solution that invariably leads to disappointment. Betrayal, manifested in the betrayal of a loved one, is one of the most significant and common factors influencing the occurrence of mental disorders. Severe depression is necessarily accompanied by serious personal changes, without which it is not possible to correct the situation of “things”. Deterioration of relationships with relatives who did not live up to the hopes you had for them. It is not surprising that endless disappointment appears in the soul, which becomes possible to satisfy only through an open conversation with the offending friend or loved one.
It makes no sense to talk about the reasons that influenced the appearance of your depression. The main thing is that you need to be honest with yourself, having decided on the main “irritants”. Timely identification of such aspects will help to avoid disappointment in the later stages, when the inconsistency of internal expectations and current situations develops into a serious mental illness.
Why don't all people strive to get out of the black streak?
No matter how strange it may sound, not all people strive to quickly get out of the black streak. There are several reasons.
- The sympathy of others. We are always pleased when people give attention, show interest, and sometimes even help.
- There is always a topic for discussion. Most of us are people who like to talk about problems.
- Possible concessions. For example, a person did not receive his salary on time, was late for work and explained that he had no money for travel.
However, we should remember: in this state we often attract even greater troubles. Against their background, attention, sympathy and a topic of conversation are rather dubious benefits.
Effective ways to cope with disappointment
Having identified the “irritant” on your own or with the help of a professional, it is important to think in time about the advisability of changing your lifestyle, because prolonged stay in a depressed mood is the cause of serious mental disorders. Having rationally assessed the situation, you need to come to an unconditional decision - to “fight” the depressing consequences of disappointment. You can cope with internal experiences and restore mental balance by taking advantage of the useful recommendations of practicing psychotherapists:
Change your worldview by stopping idealizing the people around you. Trusting and placing personal hopes without coordinating upcoming expectations with a loved one are different phenomena, so learn to control your own emotions and feelings. Realize that the events that happen to you are an inevitability that you need to come to terms with in time. You can influence your destiny by making important decisions correctly and relying solely on yourself. Learn to speak and listen to your interlocutors. By communicating with different people, you have the opportunity to get to know their inner world in advance, rationally assessing the personal appearance of those around you. Stop looking up to others, accepting your own strengths and weaknesses. Don’t try to be like your idols, but don’t stop striving for personal growth and self-improvement. Trust people, but project different options for the outcome of events in advance. Don't be surprised if your friends don't live up to your expectations - it's better to get rid of illusions using common sense. Don't be afraid to enter into new love relationships, because people have their own unique personality. Stop using templates when assessing the personality of a potential partner. If you had a bad experience, then you shouldn’t associate the situations that happened solely with your ex-chosen one.
Disappointment is a natural emotional state that you do not need to be ashamed or afraid of. If you are upset by the behavior of a loved one, then you know how to love and hate. The main thing is to learn to control the range of feelings that overwhelm your consciousness and inner world. By managing your own emotions, you will make fewer fatal mistakes, rationally assessing the current state of “things”.
Having realized the betrayal of a loved one who did not live up to their hopes, do not blame yourself for being too gullible - perceive the events taking place as a fait accompli. It is important to understand that time is not under your control, so it is no longer possible to correct the situation. Having rationally prioritized, the choice remains directly yours - to forgive or stop communicating.
How to do it
The first thing people usually do is ignore their feelings and pretend that nothing happened. There are also those who try not to be enchanted, so as not to grieve later. In this case, a person may stop hearing himself, and this sometimes leads to derealization and depersonalization. Refusal of tedious waiting often results in boredom. Here's how to cope with your worries.
Accept them
Psychologist Guy Winch advises giving yourself time to process your feelings. If you didn’t win a giveaway that you really hoped for, take half an hour or an hour to speak out and admit your disappointment. If a worse situation happened, don’t be shy about grieving all day long. Then, when you understand and accept all the emotions, move on.
Try not to think about what could have happened if everything had happened the way you wanted. Focus on what you feel here and now so you don't feed the disappointment and experience even more pain.
Try to understand why you were disappointed
Ask yourself questions:
- Could the situation have turned out in my favor?
- Are my expectations met - or have I set the bar too high?
- What can I do to prevent this sad situation from happening again?
They will help you figure out what exactly caused your dissatisfaction. Sometimes it happens that people are disappointed in their loved ones, although they did everything in their power. In such cases, it is worth understanding where the high expectations come from.
Discuss the situation with loved ones
Don't keep your emotions to yourself, otherwise they will start to eat you up. Instead, air out your grievances by talking to friends, family, a therapist, or a partner. This way you don’t distance yourself from your feelings, but acknowledge them. If you can discuss the situation with someone who did not meet your expectations, take the opportunity.
Feel sorry for yourself, but don't feel sorry for yourself
Try not to beat yourself up because something bad happened to you. No person can control life one hundred percent and know that nothing will ever happen to him. Here we can recall the scam of Bernard Madoff, through whose fault 3 million Americans suffered. His investment fund Madoff Investment Securities LLC, which turned out to be a financial pyramid, initially had a crystal reputation, and not only ordinary US citizens invested in it, but also the heads of large companies - they could assess the risks.
In short, misfortunes happen to everyone, and this is not a reason to beat yourself up. Treat yourself with compassion and admit that you are hurting. Don't become self-critical: it is important to maintain your self-esteem. Try not to recognize yourself as weak and helpless.
Remember past difficulties
You've probably encountered disappointment before. Think about how you felt while in the moment and how you feel now. Perhaps the old pain is long gone, and even the most terrible events make you grin.
After you experience a situation, think about what it can teach you. Perhaps you shouldn't deal with the friend who set you up anymore, or maybe you need to work harder to get what you want.
Remind yourself that there are reasons to be proud in your life. Think about the things you do especially well, and recognize that failure or unrealistic expectations do not make you a bad person.
Think globally
When experiencing disappointment, try not to dwell on the feeling itself. Find the source of your anxiety and look at the situation from the outside. Think globally, understand the reasons for failure. Any negative event provides invaluable experience. Find a positive aspect in this: now you have become wiser and smarter, you can learn from your own mistakes, you will not repeat them in the future, etc. You will discover a lot of new and useful things if you can put feelings and emotions aside and be guided by logic and common sense.
But what exactly is disappointment?
Disappointment is a negative emotion. But, like any emotion, it performs a function. Disappointment is the result of not getting what we want or expect. This essentially means that there is a difference between what we want and what we have. In other words, the ultimate function of frustration is to direct our attention and make us react.
“Disappointment is one of the earliest and strongest emotions we experience from childhood, and one of the most dangerous.”
However , often when frustration becomes very strong, it cannot perform its function. We become more attuned to the anxiety we feel than what he has to tell us.
Remember the end goal
Usually disappointment comes in those moments when at some stage a person encounters difficulties and failures: something did not go as expected, someone did not live up to expectations, etc. If you are feeling down and depressed due to certain external factors, remember your ultimate goal. Realize that what is happening now are only temporary obstacles on the way to achieving what you want. Remember why exactly you want to achieve a specific goal. The answer to this is “Why?” will give you inner strength and perseverance to move on.
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