Despair is an emotion of varying duration and strength, reflecting the asthenic spectrum of feelings. Despair is a state of awareness of one's own helplessness in satisfying a need. From a strong shift in the psycho-emotional state during despair in the negative direction (up to clinical cases), it is natural to note its occurrence as a result of a strong shock or other influence that changed the usual life (the death of loved ones, the collapse of extremely valuable ideas, etc.).
Such partially controlled or completely uncontrollable negative events confront a person with powerlessness and make him feel unable to change both the situation that has arisen and any turn in life. Minor frustrations can spur development and motivation, but the destruction of significant connections or events pushes into a feeling of futility of the future, hopelessness, and a person plunges into an existential crisis caused by the meaninglessness of existence.
Despair knocks a person away from past guidelines, and if in the early stages a person is able to critically perceive the situation, his condition, notice the outgoing energy and enthusiasm, and look for how to get rid of despair, then after a while the strength and multidimensionality of this experience deprives the person of strength.
What is despair
Despair is a state of lack of hope and the ability to see prospects, a difficult emotional state accompanied by a loss of physical strength. If you look at the origin of the word itself, it reflects a long wait, accompanied by anxiety, with great hopes. In ancient times, such an expectation existed during a hunt, when a person was in constant tension of strength and attention, sitting in ambush, and the animal still did not appear - the life of the tribe could depend on the outcome of this event, so it was not possible to leave, and the longer the person spent in ambush, the more energy he spent, and the less resource he had left to leave the waiting place.
Despair is a derivative of the word aspiration, which is synonymous with hope, and this aspect has been preserved in this word, but has acquired its own distinctive aspects for the modern world, where there is no need to sit in ambush. However, the word reflects human hopes for a positive outcome of any situation (this may not threaten the death of the entire family, but is subconsciously perceived with approximately the same level of anxiety, triggering the same biochemical mechanisms as in distant ancestors).
Equating despair with hope is only possible for a very rough comparison, since this concept contains a huge number of aspects, some of which (namely hope for well-being) a person is able to recognize and regulate, and some are located deep in the subconscious sphere, where archaic mental processes that have become entrenched are controlled like survival instincts.
Despair includes fear (conscious or not), and the feeling of horror can be dictated by real events and possibilities, or can be located exclusively in the realm of fantasy and unconscious reactions of the psyche. Thus, in despair at the death of her husband, the main violin can be played by the fear of her own death, without being conscious of the woman, since she has lived a dependent life and does not know what to do with the surrounding reality, when in fact her husband was both protection and breadwinner for her (the skill of self-sufficiency has not been developed , which means the world is threatening).
Despair may contain shame, most often stemming from an inability to care for others (as men may despair over their inability to provide for their family with an adequate standard of living, because at an archaic level this is perceived as exposing them to mortal threat and failing to fulfill their own role as a leader).
Thus, the moment of the beginning of despair is the collapse of hopes, but then quite ancient mechanisms are activated, plunging a person into experiences that have no direct connection with the situation, but aggravate its experience to the extreme, otherwise it would be simple disappointment.
It can be almost impossible to get rid of despair on your own, since secret but large-scale processes are hidden not only from others, but also from the consciousness of the experiencer. That's why. If you yourself feel a feeling of hopelessness and meaninglessness, accompanied by any oppressive feelings, then seek help and do not listen to the relieving advice of your superficial acquaintances. It will not go away on its own; if you have already encountered the loss of something important (and this is the main theme of despair), then you will have to live this experience, reconsider your own life and make appropriate adjustments to it so that it is filled with meaning and a feeling of what is happening alive. Believing that a person experienced a similar event and felt fine after a couple of days can be dangerous because your value systems are different. And while you are waiting for pain and timelessness to let you go, despair day after day will suck out your strength and convince you of the immutability of the world and your asthenic sense of self in it.
If everything is fine with you, but you notice a strange, prolonged melancholy, excessive suffering, then your task is to refer the person to a psychotherapist, and if they refuse, try to help yourself. Remember that feelings of grief and sadness are natural, but excess in duration or strength indicates despair, which is an overload for the psyche and nervous system. Such excessive mental stress, without appropriate adjustment, can lead to the development of psychoneurological and somatic diseases, as well as push a person to suicide, as the only available way out of the state of terrible pain and nonsense. Remember that the ability to notice other ways out of a situation in a person in despair differs from the normal state, since vital areas have been affected, and personality-defining constructs may have been frustrated.
The causes of despair are two ways in a person’s perception of life: excessive focus and attaching special importance to one value or goal (then, if it is lost, the whole world ceases to be important) and in the absence of a sense of the meaning of being as such, the connection of one’s own existence with higher ones matters and the harmonious connection of various spheres of one’s life (such confusion can, with its emotional instability, lead a person to despair). Therefore, maintaining interest and significance in various areas of your life, as well as deep existential meaning in your existence, regardless of what is happening, is the prevention of a state of despair.
Stop to step forward
Since childhood, I have been a creative person and began writing songs as a teenager. It was then that I became acquainted with the idea of simplicity of form and content.
A teacher once told me that what makes music special is not the sound of the notes, but the pauses between them. Beauty comes from what is not actually acted. Intellectually I understood what he meant, but I did not grasp the essence.
I always felt a thirst for knowledge, I studied more and more to add variety to my music. Practicing on guitar and keyboards, I tried to perfect the ideas - and made the task more difficult. Perhaps this was the reason why my musical career did not work out.
After some time, I developed an interest in acting. I was absorbed in activities: I hired an agent, acted in short films, acted in a play. But once again faced with fear, doubt, uncertainty, I hesitated. I tried to overcome anxiety: I learned new techniques, got acquainted with different theories. But in reality I was only making it more difficult. One more training course, just one book - and I will become a great actor!
I trained, read, watched master classes, until my head was filled with so many ideas that I completely forgot the most important thing: to be here and now, to interact with other actors.
How to deal with despair
No one can completely prevent despair in their own life, but it is possible to edit the factors that influence the likelihood of falling into despair from any situation. First of all, the example of the parental family, which a person saw and unconsciously absorbed behavior patterns, contributes to such a state. Thus, if at the slightest failure you saw how the parent fell into despair, and did not look for ways to resolve the current situation or restructure their own life, then the chances of repeating this scenario in your performance increase. Not because of a reluctance to look for other options, but because of the lack of an example of how to look around. Perhaps a parent of the same sex was prone to momentary loss of hope and was preparing for the end of the world, while the other decided a lot for him and showed him the way out. Then, when identifying with the first, panicking will be a familiar stereotype, and it will also be beneficial, because you can not accept responsibility on your own, but wait for salvation. In this situation, there is a hidden resource - this is the behavior of the other parent and his coping strategies, which, like a slight fall into despair, are part of your inner experience, which needs to be awakened and updated. By the way, this is also true for those in whom such behavior in the family was the norm for the majority - find an example elsewhere, among friends and heroes.
The next feature of the psyche that can lead to despondency is the tendency to constantly replay events, a kind of stuckness not so much for the sake of extracting experience, but for the sake of repeating the experience of emotions. This may concern positive aspects, and then a person’s strength and confidence increase, but this same feature, when dwelling on negative aspects, can plunge one into the abyss of hopelessness and develop deep depression. Usually, another vivid impression distracts you from repeating the situation, but relying entirely on the will of external factors is not rational, because after being in despair for quite a long time, a person loses the ability to notice external changes in the situation, concentrating on internal suffering, or these changes become insignificant. Finding your own effective technique for switching attention and shifting the emphasis of thoughts will help reduce the severity of the experience of negative emotions, as well as look at the world with a sober look when repeating positive ones.
In a situation of a negative event, an important point is to feel your internal supports in order to maintain your condition at the proper level. With low self-esteem, uncertainty, and the habit of self-flagellation, a person only digs deeper into the hole of depressive disorder and a feeling of impasse. Thus, not only does the world become imperfect and terrible due to the destruction of an important part or aspiration, but also the lack of self-confidence quickly kills the remaining drops of hope for improvement. So it’s worth starting to normalize self-esteem and fill your internal resources in advance, and not when a crisis has torn your life apart; it’s better to start when the life situation is still stable - for prevention and development of resilience.
It helps to strengthen meaningful connections, i.e. communication with those people who are able to truly understand and accept you, where there is no need to keep face. Talking openly about your condition and problems with a sense of security is a fairly therapeutic practice, as a result of which affect is reduced, it becomes possible to receive feedback on your own emotions or events, from which, if not a new way of being is born, then a support resource will appear that reduces despair. If there are no such people around, then you can go to a psychologist for individual or group therapy. There is also no opportunity for therapy - write a diary, describing all your thoughts, feelings and events - periodically re-read what you have written, this will allow you to trace the dynamics, lead to a new vision, in extreme cases, it will simply help to throw out emotions.
But in your classes you should look for something new and exciting; avoid looking at a blank wall and replaying what happened. Remember what fascinated you in childhood and try to realize your inclinations now - it is in childhood desires and memories that contain a lot of energy and potential, in addition, they are devoid of external imposition and expectations of others, so there is a chance that you will begin to do what exactly your soul longed for confidently increases.
Take care of your own body, since a depressed state changes the chemical processes in the brain, stops the functioning of the nervous system, and, accordingly, the rest - focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle, reduce the use of psychoactive substances, and increase the dose of B vitamins (they nourish the nervous system), strictly monitor your biorhythms, give your body physical activity, even if you don’t want to move (during sports, hormones of joy and pleasure are produced, which help reduce depression).
Letting go does not mean giving up
Lao Tzu wrote: “A pot is made of clay, but it is the emptiness in it that is the essence of the pot.”
The problem is that we don't give ourselves a break. We spin like a squirrel in a wheel, running away from the emptiness.
It may seem that simplifying life will deprive us of certain joys. Maybe if we surrender to the present moment, it will only set us back, much further from the life we dream of.
In fact, this emptiness fills our space quite quickly. True, instead of the expected abyss, you are suddenly filled with love and confidence. And with it comes mental clarity, which promotes understanding and high performance.
By allowing ourselves to listen to the inner silence, we achieve better results than when we become obsessed and intensely think about the situation.
I'm not suggesting sticking your head in the sand. I suggest realizing that constant worries and doubts will never lead us to what we really want.
Over-complication never works for us, no matter what field it concerns: writing music, acting, or planning for the future.
Life doesn't have to be a struggle
If I had realized this earlier, I might have become a much more successful musician or actor. Now I cannot change anything in the path I have traveled and, having understood this simple truth, I do not want to be anywhere else except here and now. At this specific moment.
Learn to trust yourself. When your head is clear of worrying thoughts, it doesn't mean you've given up. On the contrary, this is the most correct state to allow new ideas to enter your life. By understanding this, you restore harmony and unity with who you truly are.
You are free to create, to do whatever will help you become at ease again. You are freed from the desires of the ego and enjoy reality.
The decision to trust silence will require courage. But once you take the first step, you will feel that life will suddenly become richer and much less complicated. The best of all possible paths will be revealed to you.
Free space for thoughts
When we stop the endless process of thinking and are in the present moment, the answer comes by itself. Why? Because there was finally a place for him.
Without empty space, our mind will become bogged down in old thoughts and ideas. These ideas are no longer useful to you, so why hope that they will ever be useful? As Einstein wrote, insanity is repeating the same action over and over again, expecting a new result.
Stress and anxiety will not help you achieve what you want. The less we obsess about it, the easier it becomes.
Do you want to learn how to move from idle thoughts to problem solving? Slow down! Only by leaving open space do we gain clarity of thought and allow new ideas to emerge.
