How not to cry when talking with the slightest increase in voice, advice from psychologists

I can’t hold back my tears: why are my eyes watering?

I will give some of the most common explanations for this phenomenon.

Damage to the mucous membrane or entry of debris. If your eye is watering for a long time and it causes discomfort, immediately go to the mirror and carefully examine it. Then rinse your face thoroughly with water at room temperature.
Inflammatory process. Bacteria, viruses and fungi can penetrate the mucous membrane, causing increased tearing. If you encounter this problem, rush to see an ophthalmologist. He will definitely prescribe you special eye drops that contain an antibiotic.
Allergic reaction. It is quite difficult to stop tearfulness if you have allergies; you should consult a doctor who will prescribe you medications.
Onion. To avoid crying while cutting such a vegetable, first hold a kitchen knife and the onion under running cold water. This way, the substance that causes tearing will dissolve and not get into the air.
Fatigue and tiredness. Such tearfulness is relieved with the help of tea compresses. Dip cotton pads into the tea leaves and apply them to your eyes, wait 15-20 minutes. It is better to carry out this procedure before bedtime. This method also helps fight minor eye inflammations.
Emotions. It is difficult to stop tears that are caused by an emotional outburst. You shouldn’t hold them back, it’s better to let yourself cry, and then think about some happy moment. This way you will distract yourself from the negativity and suppress the rush of emotions.

Useful tips

To cope with a difficult situation and not cry, you can use useful advice from psychologists:

Switch attention. To do this, you should ask yourself adrenaline questions. For example, did you turn off the iron or lock the apartment? A sharp increase in the level of adrenaline in the blood will help change emotions and avoid tears.
Turn on your imagination. The offender can be presented in a funny or absurd way. The substitution method is also suitable.
Wash with cold water.
Go to the mirror and smile.
Drink a cup of hot and sweet tea.

Crying is an important emotional state that helps solve many psychological problems and achieve release. However, tears are not appropriate everywhere, which is why it is so important to learn to hold them back. Psychological and physical methods are suitable for this.

Why do people cry?

We can talk about pathological tearfulness when a person reacts with tears to most episodes of severe emotional stress. No techniques for suppressing tear production will help here - it is necessary to work with a psychologist who will work with the root cause of stress, hidden in the patient’s childhood or acquired later.

Children cry when they do not understand what is happening, or when they do not have enough personal experience to assess the situation. Having matured, a person begins to filter emotions by degree of importance, focusing on acquired skills. The strongest emotions require mandatory release, otherwise the individual risks leading himself to a nervous breakdown.

Some people need to cry immediately upon receiving stressful information, and this reaction is called “immediate” - it is the most difficult to deal with and it is better to allow it to manifest itself and clear the mind of negativity.

Another type of reaction is called “delayed”, and it can be observed in introverts who are accustomed to not showing their feelings. Often these people do not allow themselves to relax and immerse themselves in emotions for a long time, but there comes a time when stress accumulates and the person begins to cry, seemingly for no particular reason.

Anger

Resentment and tears are the reactions you experience when you feel weak and dependent. You concentrate on yourself and your experiences, which makes you want to feel sorry for yourself, and this makes you want to cry even more.

To get out of this “vicious circle”, think about who causes such feelings in you. Is he fair? Is he doing the right thing? Doesn't he take advantage of your kindness, weakness or dependence? Try to get angry at the one who caused your worries.

This, of course, does not mean that the conflict needs to be escalated. But by shifting your focus, you can get out of the “victim” position, and anger will give you strength and confidence.

Distraction

If you are wondering how to never cry, we have to disappoint you: it is impossible. No wonder the poet said: “He who did not cry did not live.” But you can reduce your worries to a minimum. How? Learn to switch and get distracted. If you feel like it’s “rushing” and is about to overwhelm you, try to distract yourself. Some people grab a vacuum cleaner or washing powder to do this, others enthusiastically scribble on a typewriter, trying to kill their teeth with anticipation of a new outfit. Some people are saved by the kitchen and an original recipe, while others pull themselves out of the swamp of precipice by rhythmic music, a comedy film or an action-packed book, prayer, meditation, sports equipment and even sex... All the means here are good, as long as they provide the necessary mental release and serve effective lightning conductor.

Help a loved one understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve a difficult situation, first he just needs to talk it out. This especially applies to women.

So wait to offer solutions to the problem and listen. This will help the person you are comforting understand their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand your own experiences by telling others about them. By answering your questions, the interlocutor can find some solutions himself, understand that everything is not as bad as it seems, and simply feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

Tell me what happened.
Tell me what's bothering you.
What led to this?
Help me understand how you feel.
What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid questions with the word “why”; they are too similar to judgment and will only anger the interlocutor.

Wedge with wedge

In moments of deep stress, when tears are constantly welling up in your eyes and nothing is going well, you don’t need to force positive emotions in yourself, but it’s better to do the opposite - accept your sadness and let it dissolve on its own. Funny comedies and joyful music will serve as a reminder that while everything is bad here, someone is doing very well, and such thoughts will only add to the negativity. How to hold back tears?

Philosophical life films and songs about unhappy love, sounding from headphones, are the best way to reboot yourself and get over grief in a short time. You can even create a separate playlist of “music for depression” and turn it on during particularly joyless moments - then returning to normal life will take less time.

What is crying

In the corners of the eyes there are small glands that produce a clear liquid with dissolved proteins and salts necessary to nourish, moisturize and cleanse the cornea.
These are tears; they are released reflexively under the influence of signals from the autonomic nervous system. But sometimes emotions interfere with the process. Humans are the onlyThe neurobiology of human crying creatures on earth who are capable of crying under the influence of feelings. Tears can appear because of a touching film, music, important events in life, or out of sympathy. Crying is caused by both positive and negative emotions.

Scientists are still exploring the neurobiology of human crying and the mental and neural processes that underlie the production of emotional tears. Crying is believed to be associated with temperament and upbringing, personality traits and gender, as well as the release of the neurotransmitter serotonin and the brain hormones oxytocin, vasopressin and prolactin. These substances are involved in the formation of attachment and social behavior. Therefore, separation and loss of a loved one leads to sadness and tears.

Scientists have also found that women cry more often than men. This is associated with the action of The neurobiology of human crying testosterone, which inhibits emotional reactions.

general characteristics

Crying is a psychophysiological reaction that is accompanied by the release of tears, a sharp change in the rhythm of breathing, blood pressure and heartbeat, and involuntary contraction of the superciliary and periocular muscles. In origin, it is a strong one-time mental experience that occurs in response to intense negative or positive stimuli. From a social point of view, crying is a way of expressing strong emotions. In childhood, physical pain is a common cause of tears. As you get older, this reaction weakens, but can persist in women with increased emotional lability. The term “tearfulness” refers to a character trait or temporary feature of the emotional-volitional sphere. It manifests itself as emotional imbalance, tearfulness: a person cries every day, the cause of tears is random memories, a tense conversation, the unpleasant intonation of the interlocutor, a scene from a movie. Often, tearfulness reduces social activity, interferes with maintaining close relationships, and provokes irritability and misunderstanding on the part of others.

How to learn to hold back your tears

There are several physical ways to learn to hold back tears:

Change body position. If you were sitting before, it is better to get up and walk. You can move the chair and move the papers. In general, it is recommended to act according to the situation.
It is recommended to take a slow and deep breath, straighten your shoulders and raise your head up.
You can clench and unclench your fingers. It is also acceptable to pinch your palm.
It's worth drinking some water. It is recommended to take deep and slow sips.
It is permissible to shift your gaze. In this case, you need to look into the distance at the picture that hangs on the wall.

How to stop crying over trifles: effective ways

There are many effective ways to cope with unstable emotional states and crying. For example:

Taking sedatives. Often a person experiencing stress goes to the pharmacy to buy sedatives. There are a lot of sedatives today. However, will this method solve the question of how to stop crying over trifles? The sedative will act for a certain period of time, allowing the nervous system to rest a little. However, they will not be able to remove the cause of an unstable emotional background. It is worth considering that long-term use of sedatives leads to addiction. Doctors recommend taking medications only in difficult life situations. You can deal with stress using other effective methods.
We describe the problem on a piece of paper. Sometimes several problems weigh heavily on a person’s shoulders at the same time. Panic arises, tears appear, and a feeling of self-pity appears. But how can you stop crying over little things and calm down? Psychologists recommend preparing a piece of paper and writing exciting problems on it. Think about ways to solve problems and start implementing them. Scientists have proven that when a person has a clear goal and he knows the ways to achieve it, confidence appears in him.

To figure out how to stop crying at night, experts advise resorting to the following alternative techniques:

When tears are about to flow from your eyes, you need to close your eyelids, then count to ten. In this case, you need to take deep breaths.
Another way is to drink a glass of water in small sips. This will allow you to switch your attention and bring your heart rate back to normal. The result is that the emotional outburst subsides, the person becomes calm.
There are alternative effective methods to answer the question of how to stop crying over little things. One of these is breathing exercises. Just a few deep breaths of fresh air will help you calm down and relieve stress.
Attention management. The ability to switch attention in a timely manner in a difficult situation is one of the effective ways to cope with emotions. If you hear unfounded criticism addressed to you, try to think about something pleasant, look at the pictures on the wall, look out the window.

How to stop crying at night? There is no universal answer to this question. Much depends on the character of the person and the specific situation. One thing is clear: daily stress is harmful to health, so it is important to relieve tension in a timely manner so as not to aggravate the situation.

When to restrain yourself

We looked at situations in which tears are a protective natural reaction of the body to external stimuli. However, any emotion is a double-edged sword. When it acquires affective, i.e. excessive, exaggerated forms, the picture also begins to take on a clinical appearance. And here, indeed, you should understand that in other cases it is better to hold back and not cry than to let yourself go and whine about every occasion. And the situation is not always conducive to open expression of feelings. If you have been insulted, then showing tears in front of the offender means humiliating yourself even more, showing your own weakness and sensitivity, that is, giving your enemy another reason to gloat and triumph. Do you need this? So let's think about how to learn not to cry in an inappropriate environment.

Trick your brain

There are several ways to force the brain to concentrate on other sensations and “forget” about emotions:

Pinch yourself in a sensitive place, such as your inner thigh or arm, or bite your lip. This way the body will focus on physical sensations, and emotions will recede into the background.
Hold your breath and try to hold out as long as possible, the body will put aside non-essential matters in order to prepare for a possible emergency.

What to do if you want to cry, but you can’t

Women are especially emotional. Their vulnerable soul reacts with tears to any experience or joy. In many cases, tears are simply necessary; they allow you to relieve unnecessary tension and relieve stress. However, there are situations when crying is absolutely forbidden. In these situations, tears can lead to a completely different effect:

On exams. Sometimes a student studied the material all night long, but it seemed to him that the teacher was really nagging and wanted to put a bad grade on his record book, how could he not burst into tears? In this case, the tears should be held back, as the teacher will consider that the tickets were not learned and the student is trying to evoke self-pity.
At an interview. Sometimes employers conduct stressful interviews, asking inappropriate questions and making applicants very nervous. Some managers have their own recruitment tactics; already during the interview they find out a person’s resistance to stress.
You shouldn't cry on the street where there are a lot of people. It happens that unpleasant information was received during a walk and you want to cry out loud. But you shouldn’t do this, the people around you won’t be able to help, but you can attract the attention of various scammers.

There are many situations when tears would be inappropriate. In order not to give the impression of a weak person or a hysterical person, you should learn to control your emotions. It is difficult to not cry when you really want to, but it is quite doable for every person.

To avoid crying when chopping onions, place the onion in the freezer for 5 minutes before peeling. In this case, the essential oils will not be released much.

Physical methods of influencing the body

To avoid crying at the wrong moment, psychologists recommend focusing on breathing. You can start counting your breath or lift your chin up a little, take a few deep breaths through your mouth and exhale through your nose. In addition to this, there are several other techniques that help prevent crying:

You need to drink a couple of sips of water or iced tea. If you don’t have any of this at hand, then simply actively swallow saliva a couple of times. This helps to quickly eliminate the lump in the throat.
You can change your body position. Here you need to act according to the situation, you can simply move a stack of papers from one place to another, move to another chair, or stand up and take a few steps. All this helps to distract attention from worries.
You might pinch yourself hard on your arm or leg. You can fix the problem if you clasp your fingers tightly.
Shifting your gaze will also help solve the problem; for example, you should look at a painting hanging at the other end of the room.

It is worth considering that all these methods will be useless if the lacrimation is caused by a speck that has gotten into the eye, allergies, or fatigue. In this case, it is better to apologize, leave the room and clean up. To do this, you can take allergy medication or simply wash your face with cold water.

To prevent a bad mood from haunting you all day, you should drink hot tea after an unpleasant conversation or sincerely smile at yourself in the mirror several times.

Psychological techniques

In order not to burst into tears at the most inopportune moment, you need to think about something that will take all your attention. Psychologists recommend using the following techniques:

Start repeating the multiplication table to yourself or come up with and solve a math problem. This will allow you not only to be distracted, but also to engage the left hemisphere, which is responsible for all computational operations. In this case, emotions are controlled by the right hemisphere of the brain. But if both hemispheres work simultaneously, there will be no time for emotions.
You can remember and hum a funny children's song to yourself. Any poems will do, but only they should be filled with positive emotions.
If the desire to cry is caused by a conversation with an unpleasant person, then you can imagine him in a funny and awkward situation. The desire to cry will immediately disappear, but the main thing here is not to laugh, since the effect can be unpredictable.
Some people in unpleasant situations simply smile constantly. This may seem strange to some, but this tactic of behavior is justified if you need to hold back tears.
You can mentally motivate yourself not to cry. Self-hypnosis will help you do this; you need to constantly repeat that you need to control yourself under any circumstances.
To quickly stop crying for no reason, you can remember a comic situation. Overly sentimental people should think through a few really funny situations in advance and remember them when necessary.

Come up with a reason for others

If it is impossible to hold back your tears, then you can simply come up with a reason for those around you and cry to your heart’s content. Tears can be explained by the following factors:

Headache, as well as pain in the leg, arm, or whatever.
Allergies. Everyone knows that when you have allergies, your eyes become very watery. That is, you can say that an allergic attack is caused by the smell of perfume products, and cry quietly.
A speck of dust getting into the eye. This will help explain the red and moist eyes.

Trauma to the visual organs can also cause watery eyes. The tears can be explained by a branch accidentally getting into the eye.

Additionally, the use of eye drops may be a good explanation. Many of them have such a side effect as lacrimation.

Have a cry

In some cases, you should not hold back your tears, whether they are from joy or grief. This will help normalize your state of mind. And there is no need to explain anything to anyone here, we are all human and have the right to feelings. Sometimes people just need to vent to someone; a trusted friend or girlfriend is suitable for this.

When is crying not recommended?

We can conclude that there is nothing wrong with tears, and emotional people do not need to restrain themselves. But that's not true. If it’s hard for you to calm down quickly and you often start crying, then you need to fight this. Be sure to read the article How to calm down.

Sobbing causes increased heart rate and increased blood pressure. Regular and frequent tears lead to the development of depression.

In some situations, tears are inappropriate; they can seriously damage your reputation and become an obstacle to your goal. Here are some of these events:

Interview. Few people will hire someone who has demonstrated emotional instability before taking office. Neither women nor men are forgiven for this. Experience, skills, reputation are unlikely to help save the situation. If you are going for an interview, I recommend watching a video with practical tips.
Exam. Any test, examination or thesis defense is a stressful situation for each of us. Nerves are on edge, and any uncomfortable question can provoke tears. But under no circumstances should you cry. Many teachers believe that in this way you demonstrate your helplessness due to unlearned material or are worried about grades.
Public place. A person crying on the street or on a bus evokes one desire - to help. There's nothing wrong with that. But excessive emotionality also attracts scammers. Masquerading with good motives, they easily ingratiate themselves into trust at a moment of moral weakness. As you know, a crying person's concentration decreases, and he easily becomes a victim of attackers. Believe me, such people have no moral values, and they deeply do not care about your tears.

Tears: benefits and harms

Human psychology is designed in such a way that expressing one’s feelings in the form of tears is normal and is also considered useful. When a person holds back all his emotions, he experiences emotional overload.

Positive aspects of crying:

While watching a movie. How to stop crying during a dramatic movie plot and why is it even necessary? But that’s exactly what these films are made for.
During a hard day at work. The person turns out to be severely exhausted, both morally and physically. When you return home, you can shed a few tears. Show yourself love and care, don’t be shy to cry.
It is very difficult for a girl not to cry during a breakup with a guy. You can hold back your tears, but is it worth it? Because of a guy, you can and should scream into your pillow and throw out the accumulated emotions, this way you will quickly move away from your worries and broken feelings.
During happy moments in life. You might as well shed a few tears of joy. This is a common and normal manifestation of human feelings and emotions.
Manifestation of laughter to such an extent that a person simultaneously begins to cry. When it happens because of funny moments, then everything is fine.

Thus, people experience liberation and normalization of their emotional state, such as the manifestation of joy at certain moments. If a person cannot control the process, and there is a frequent manifestation of such emotions, then most likely he has psychological problems. When tears flow and there is no reason for this, this condition can cause harm to health.

Psychological methods

There are certain ways that will help you stop feeling sorry for yourself and crying over little things.

Leave for later. Whenever you want to cry, you should try to postpone this idea. Even if it is difficult to do, you must try to normalize your mental balance. Concentration is important. It is necessary to mentally gather yourself in order to overcome the tears that have come. Do not forget that the absence of crying is generally impossible. Systematic suppression of tears contributes to mental disorders and breakdowns. You can resort to something that can distract you: watch a funny video on the Internet, count examples.
Meditation. In this case, it is not necessary to go deep into yoga; you can study several methods, namely: you should retire, position yourself so that it is comfortable, close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly and deeply.
Put it on paper. You can write about what upsets you and makes you cry. This method is equivalent to a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend.
Gratitude. Many times a person may want to cry because of problems on the personal front. In this case, you need to think about past negative situations and stop feeling sorry for yourself. It is worth understanding that more serious problems were experienced. Don’t forget to thank fate and God for the good moments in life.

Evidence by contradiction

How not to cry if you want to? Another good remedy is the ability to look at a problem from a slightly different position, when it ceases to seem fatal. As in geometry - proof by contradiction. Has your husband left for someone else? Yes, it hurts, it’s hard, it’s offensive, it’s hopeless... You can endlessly select epithets. Or you can sit down and try to think differently: and “his” departure - prospects for new acquaintances, hobbies, flirting, and so on. One page of life is turned - another begins. If there are children, then, of course, the situation is more complicated. But no one can cancel the financial and other help of the “former”! Therefore, you should not behave as if “life was cut short.” No! What makes us stronger is to adopt this worldly wisdom, and it will teach you how not to cry from pain, but to protect yourself, your inner world from external cruelty.

Relieve stress

If you are trying hard to hold back your tears, then there is a high probability that you will burst into tears in the near future. In order to prevent this from happening, it is necessary to obtain a certain release - either psychological or physical.

When under stress, a person has poor control over his emotions, and stress always increases adrenaline levels. To deal with this, try to discreetly pinch yourself, prick yourself with a pencil, or make several sharp movements with your hand.

If you can go out for a couple of minutes, find a place where no one can see you. Do squats, jump, do a few wall push-ups.

Will pills help reduce tearfulness?

You may think: why torture yourself with different methods if sedative pills perfectly help stabilize your emotional state. I agree, they really help. But there are also negative consequences of using drugs.

Sedatives slow down the reaction and cause drowsiness. You should not drive while taking them.
Pills don't help you overcome emotions, they simply dull their severity. The effect of sedatives is even compared to the effect of alcohol.
Anti-anxiety medications are addictive. Sometimes people have to seek medical help to overcome their addiction to sedatives.