How to get someone out of your head
One eastern parable tells about a young man who asked Khoja Nasreddin how to find out the future and become immortal. The sage replied: “It’s simple: don’t think about white monkeys!” "Only?" — the young man was delighted. But from then on he could think of nothing else but white monkeys.
Having given free rein to such thoughts, it is easy to “think of” obsessive-compulsive neurosis, when the help of a psychotherapist is required. Therefore, it is better to try to get rid of them at the initial stage, before they are yet entrenched in our head. But first you need to understand:
Ways to help you forget someone
The question of how to stop thinking about a person has been relevant at all times. In such cases, our ancestors relied on magic, in particular:
Conspiracies and rituals
They must be performed on the waning moon: feelings should decrease along with it. It seems that there is a rational grain here, because with their help a person gives himself a positive attitude, programs himself for a positive result. In any case, there is no crime here, and the attempt is not torture.
All we need is a source of clean water, lemon balm leaves, privacy and a little imagination. Let's focus on our emotions - resentment, mental pain, which prevent us from forgetting another person. Let’s mentally transfer them to the lemon balm leaves, imagining them with our tears, and we’ll tear them off one by one and throw them into the water. Leaves float away, memories float away. We leave when we feel peace and tranquility, having first washed our face with water from the spring. This ritual can be repeated every week.
Finding the source may be a problem. In its absence, we will use fire: we put our obsessive thoughts on paper, and then set it on fire, imagining how they fly away from us forever along with the ashes.
These methods are harmless and will not harm anyone. However, it is strictly forbidden to turn to fortune tellers for help in order to cast a spell or spell on the deceased.
We give ourselves the attitude: “Everything that is done is for the better.”
It may very well be that life has closed some doors in front of us, having previously opened others. But we resist with all our might, clinging to old relationships, trying to revive to life something that has long died. There are new opportunities, discoveries, surprises, new people and new acquaintances ahead.
And, as the old song says, “If a bride leaves for someone else, then no one knows who is lucky.”
Let's clear our living space for new relationships
Apathy, devastation, disappointment, loss of faith in long lasting relationships, reluctance to make new acquaintances - you cannot let these feelings take over you. It will not be easy to escape from their captivity. Let's fill the void with interesting things that we always wanted to do, but never found time for. At first it will be difficult to completely switch to them, but gradually we will get involved and think less and less about “ex”.
It may be a renovation - even if you have to take out a loan, but your head will be occupied not with fruitless thoughts, but with the search for new income. At the same time, we’ll put away out of sight, give away or throw away things that we bought together or bring back memories.
They say you can't run away from yourself. However, after a month or two we will notice that the pain, if not gone away, has dulled. However, this is not yet a reason to relax - we do not lose our vigilance, we are not yet ready to meet this person. The slightest reason is enough for the memories to play out with renewed vigor.
How not to write to your ex after a breakup: the most important thing to start with
Not writing to your ex after a breakup is NOT about willpower. Let me explain.
The first thing your friends and family will advise you is to pull yourself together, grit your teeth, but hold on, don’t break down. So to speak, cultivating willpower in the field, on the first line of the front.
However, psychologists have long known a phenomenon called “how not to think about a yellow ostrich?”
There are a great many variations of the yellow ostrich. And an orange monkey, and a pink elephant and more...
The bottom line is that our brain is designed in such a way that the more we force it NOT TO THINK, the more it thinks.
Only a few people can “get through” a breakup using willpower. The rest - the more they force themselves, the more they suffer and want to write, call, show themselves...
Thus, it becomes clear that we need to take a different path. Which one?
Signs of love addiction
Girls who find themselves emotionally dependent on a man have an atrophied idea of love.
Reference. Women believe that they can only find peace, security and confidence at the expense of their beloved young man.
In other words, girls’ love is directed not at their partner, but at themselves. That is why dependence on a guy is often accompanied by various manipulations and psychological games.
Unhappy woman
You can detect a love addiction yourself, based on the following signs:
- Having a strong feeling that happiness is possible only when the object of dependence is nearby and surrounds you with care, warmth and love.
- Without relationships, life becomes a burden. The absence of a loved one nearby causes terrible anger, despondency and depression.
- Any women who try to talk to a man for any reason, no matter how insignificant, are perceived as rivals.
- Interest in other representatives of the stronger sex disappears. There is no desire to meet new people.
- With love addiction, the girl idealizes her lover. A woman cannot give a realistic assessment of a young man's shortcomings. If they are pointed out by relatives or friends, he demonstrates an aggressive defensive reaction.
- All the girl’s conversations come down to conversations about her beloved man.
- Love addiction is characterized by the presence of a strong feeling of guilt. An addicted girl only blames herself for breaking up with her lover.
- A woman suffering from love addiction does not pay attention to her own needs, desires and feelings. A person in love cares only about the life of her beloved.
Conspiracy in photos and candles to forget a man
For some, conspiracies can help cope with the problem. First of all, they provide psychological assistance: after the ritual, relief comes, especially if the girl believes in the power of magic.
There is one simple ritual with three blue candles. Every day you will need to completely burn one of them.
It is advisable to carry out the ritual on the waxing moon from 23:00 to 24:00 at night:
- 1st day. Use a needle to write the words along the length of the candle: “Pain and suffering leave me (name).”
- 2nd day. Write: “Mental anguish burn with a bright flame.”
- 3rd day. Scribble: “Heartfelt feeling, leave me (name).”
- On the morning of the fourth day, all the remaining wax from all three candles must be collected and thrown into the river, pronouncing the words of the spell: “Water take away the memory of (name). It doesn’t hurt anymore, the melancholy doesn’t gnaw, thoughts don’t bother me.”
My husband left
When a husband leaves the family, not only the wife suffers, but also the children. Whatever the situation, with the right behavior, the spouse can not only survive the breakup with dignity, but also return her husband to the family.
- You need to respect your husband's decision. Apologize if the spouse left the family because of the wife’s guilt.
- Restricting access to children is prohibited. Offended spouses, trying to annoy their ex-partner, forbid them to see their children. This absolutely cannot be done. This will alienate the husband even more from his ex-wife, and will bring a lot of sad experiences to the children.
- Reconsider your lifestyle, appearance, make the necessary changes.
- Don’t withdraw into yourself, develop as a woman and as a person. Sign up for interesting courses or dance clubs.
- When meeting your husband, behave in a friendly and gentle manner, forgetting about grievances and unpleasant moments.
You shouldn’t immediately start searching for a potential “father” and soulmate. Perhaps, having noticed positive changes in his ex-wife, the spouse will change his mind and return to her.
Cons and consequences of unrequited love
Unrequited love is not as harmless as it seems at first glance.
It causes many negative experiences and sometimes provokes people to commit dangerous and illegal acts .
Because of unrequited love, suicides and acts of physical violence are also committed. This feeling is especially dangerous for a weak teenage psyche and for people with an unstable nervous system and character accentuations.
Negative manifestations of unrequited love:
- you do not receive attention from the object of adoration;
- you are constantly haunted by obsessive thoughts;
- problems arise in your personal life, conflicts with loved ones;
- you experience jealousy, irritation, anger, despair because the person is not around;
- you deprive yourself of the opportunity to be happy with someone who loves you;
- problems arise at work.
Unrequited love brings nothing but negative experiences and the inability to lead a full life, building your own happiness.
Take a closer look at other men - maybe yours is somewhere
If you don’t have a “wedge-wedge” yet, then you need to look for it. Bring in the heavy artillery: your girlfriends who are successful in love. Let them drag you to evil places.
And if you have friends just like you - they’re all “nunnies” and don’t know how and where to pick up guys, then read up on where to meet a man for a serious relationship.
You don't have to set the goal of falling in love. You just need to distract yourself for a while - caress your ears with compliments from men, diversify your life with dates and feel desired.
You will see that the light did not fall like a wedge on one person. It’s just that, perhaps, your feelings for him were the very first, and you still did not understand life outside of your fanaticism. And thanks to the variety, you will quickly calm yourself down.
By the way, if you’ve already found the strength to go “hiring” guys, you’ll need one more science so as not to seem like a beech among your girlfriends: How to flirt with a guy correctly.
Why do you want to write to your ex?
The reasons why you broke up may vary. Either way, breaking up a relationship is a painful and traumatic experience. There was a lot that connected you with the person - emotions, thoughts, joint affairs and plans. And overnight all this was gone.
This is a huge stress for the psyche - it has to look for ways to return a person to balance and regain reliable support. The easiest way seems to be to try to cling to the past. Next to your ex-lover you felt good and comfortable for at least some time, but now you feel so bad and lonely. Therefore, the brain concludes that by returning it to your life, you can solve the problem.
Such impulses originate in the deep structures of the brain responsible for the emotional sphere. Therefore, they are irrational, that is, they do not lend themselves to logical comprehension. Intellectually, we understand that the context has changed, and we cannot simply rewind the situation, but our unconscious dictates its own rules.
In essence, this is a classic conflict of mind and feelings, the outcome of which determines human behavior. Our task is to help the mind prevail. This is not difficult if you realize the harmful power of your desire to write to your ex.
Look for his minuses in a guy, without focusing on the pluses
By and large, what do you know about this person? The fact that he is handsome, an interesting conversationalist and has good manners? Yes, it attracts, as it does all women, not counting you.
But every person has their dark sides. If only you could find out about them so that your sympathy turns into hostility. Even some little things:
- He was once able to hit a woman. Yes, maybe it was a mistake of youth, but still there is a monster slumbering within him.
- He stole the girl from his best friend. A completely unreliable person who committed meanness and betrayal.
- He owes a debt to a colleague and still does not repay the debt - he says that it is difficult with finances. And I recently went on vacation abroad. He's lying!
This all seems like insignificant little things. But in thoughts they can be blown from flies to elephants. You just need to start thinking that this is not the hero of your novel, because there is enough “darkness” in him.
And if it’s generally ideal for you, then you can turn its advantages into disadvantages:
- Too handsome means he is also a womanizer.
- Making good money means “walking over corpses” while making a career.
- In good standing with the boss - he serves and fawns over him.
- The ideal figure is a narcissist and an egoist. By the way, here is an article about egoists.
- Very smart - ugh, a bore and a bookworm, it can be boring with that kind of guy.
- Strict and purposeful - he is also a despot and tyrant.
Moreover, these thoughts are not groundless. If you dig deeper into a person’s biography, in general this is how it happens. Why do women happily marry the holiest guy on earth, but divorce a terrible demon? That's right, because they didn't know all his dark sides. So don’t get yourself into trouble before it’s too late, thinking only good things about him.
Still from the film “Between an Angel and a Demon”
arrow_left
Still from the film “Between an Angel and a Demon”
You may also be interested in: What to write to a guy you like
Stronger emotions
When you like a person, he becomes an object of admiration, thoughts about him take a lot of time, most emotional experiences are associated with the person of interest.
Stronger emotions can help get rid of all this. They may be related to building a new relationship, a new job, a vacation in an expensive hotel, or even a permanent move to another city. Anyone can find something like this without much difficulty.
New, stronger emotions will significantly speed up the process of “recovery” from an unhappy crush.
Psychology and reasons
Where do thoughts about a loved one come from and why do they constantly pursue ?
People for the most part need close people, those who will be nearby and will take care of them.
Loving is a natural human need. When we are possessed by this feeling, the focus of attention is directed to the object of adoration. A so-called dominant is formed - a person is able to think about only one thing, to act in accordance with his idea.
The need to be loved is especially pronounced in those individuals who did not receive warmth and tenderness in childhood. As a result, as adults, they seek attention from other people, becoming very attached and unable to control their emotions .
It turns out that there is a constant presence of obsessive thoughts - where he or she is, with whom he spends time, why he doesn’t call, doesn’t come, and what if he’s with someone else. Such conditions are exhausting, provoke depression, and reduce self-esteem.
As a result, due to one’s own insecurity, thoughts about the object of love arise again, and a vicious circle results - worries, depression, thoughts, more worries.
You lose control over your own nervous system , you think only about one person, preventing yourself from looking at the world more broadly and seeing perspectives, prohibiting you from communicating with other people and having feelings for them.
Change for the better: three simple steps will help you quickly bring joy back into life
A girl experiences unrequited love longer and more painfully than a man. Her attitude to feelings is more serious and deeper. When a guy initiates a breakup, anger and resentment push other emotions into the background.
Important! Anger is a defensive reaction to pain caused, which is a catalyst for the most terrible fear - the fear of death. It arises regardless of a person’s desire.
When falling in love, women idealize the object of their feelings, not noticing flaws in appearance and character. To rid yourself of unnecessary worries, you just need to try and look at it soberly.
