The article explains:
- The meaning of finding yourself
- 10 tips for finding your own calling
- 5 exercises for successfully finding your purpose in life
Many people are dissatisfied with the current state of affairs in the reality around them, and therefore are actively interested in how to find themselves in life, how to discover their potential and fully realize it. This is nothing less than the path to real happiness.
However, finding your calling is actually quite a difficult task. And so much so that not everyone dares to leave their comfort zone and try to begin to influence reality. For this to work properly, you must first change yourself.
Do you feel like you're wandering through life without a sense of direction? Are you wondering how to find yourself?
If you've lost yourself in a relationship, career, bad habit, or just feel lost in life in general, you're not alone. We all feel lost at some point in our lives.
Just because you haven't figured it all out doesn't mean you're a failure and that you'll never find yourself again. It simply means that you are going through a messy and beautiful process of transformation.
Yes, clutter can be beautiful. It's all a matter of perspective...
In February 2022, my whole life turned upside down. Literally.
A bad motorcycle accident left me with a brain injury. I “lost” myself 10 years ago when I broke my back in a car accident. Doctors told me I had a traumatic brain injury (TBI)[1], a disruption of normal brain function that can be caused by a blow, blow or shaking to the head, or penetrating head trauma. They didn't know if I would be able to walk again.
But I survived, was rehabilitated and continued to live. I guess you could say my “ability to bounce back” was strong.
Unfortunately, I did not do the deep inner work to heal the PTSD caused by the accident.
When my brain took a hit in 2022, I realized that I had been suppressing my lost emotions for years. I have learned NOT to google anything more related to traumatic brain injuries. This has quietly increased my anxiety and caused more symptoms than I had (or maybe that's what I'm doing)
The thing about trauma is that it likes to keep itself in its body. If you don't handle it, it will hit you in the face again when you encounter an incident that brings back the pain you once felt.
For years I tried my best to create distance from the emotions, thoughts and bodily symptoms I experienced from my first accident. I wanted to avoid my emotional pain at all costs, so I returned to work and life.
What I didn't realize is that ignoring bad memories actually makes them worse. Research shows that sometimes when we experience trauma, all of our energy and mental resources are devoted to pushing the memories into the foundation of our consciousness. We try to avoid reminders and “move on” with life. [2]
I survived and thought that was enough for me. However, this turned out not to be the case.
Essentially, I became a master of dissociation. Let's just say my traumatic brain injury woke me up and said, "Time to face your trauma!"
I had no other choice. I had to lose myself to find myself again.
How did I do this? Through movement. It became my medicine and my therapy.
As trauma accumulates in the body, its release must involve the body. By connecting with the intelligence of my body, I became more mindful of what my mind, body and soul needed on a daily basis.
I've learned how to become a master of my emotions (still a work in progress), and more importantly, I listen to what I need and protect my boundaries .
Self-care is no longer a luxury. This is my main priority. My healing process continues to this day. I've been on a journey of radical self-love for the last two years.
Losing myself allowed me to get back in touch with my body and come home to myself. I believe we all have the power to transform our clutter into our message. It starts with embracing vulnerability and the courage to show up and be seen, even when you can't control the outcome.
Life is lived in chaos. If you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked, you're not living.
In my experience, if you want to discover who you really are, you have to be okay with being lost. Here are 4 ways you can heal your inner world and feel lost in life:
Effective exercises that will help you find yourself in life
Self-development helps in finding your own path. The more broadly you think, the greater the chances of finding your purpose. It may lie in an area that you still have no idea about, so the more a person knows and realizes, the more ways of development there are for him.
Try to create your own development plan. Let it include several areas at once, for example:
- psychology;
- popular science literature;
- spiritual search;
- talent search.
In Spiritual Economics there are these words: “A poor man may have fertile land in his possession, but mismanagement will destroy it” (ERV, Proverbs 13:23). It can also be applied to the search for purpose. Perhaps you have a special talent that you are not aware of simply because you have not yet encountered the opportunity to use it. Because of this, talent dies. But once you broaden your horizons and learn more, it will immediately become clear how you can use this talent to grow and find your passion in life.
Every person has talents, it’s just that not everyone realizes and develops them. In addition, talent can be the starting point that will lead you to your place in life.
Use the following exercises to find yourself faster.
Take it and do it
Make a list of things you've been wanting to try. These can be unusual dishes, handicrafts, professional industries - in general, absolutely any activity. Let your list have at least 30 items. Make it a rule to complete at least one item from this list every week.
In Spiritual Economics there are these words: “The lazy man desires, but does not receive, but he who works diligently has everything in abundance” (WBTC, Proverbs 13:4). While you are thinking about your purpose, you will not find it. But as soon as you take action and try new things, only then will you find meaning.
Understand your interests
Purpose is what lies at the intersection of “I want”, “I can” and “is useful to the world”. You need to determine what skills you have, what you want to do, and what of this will bring practical benefit to the world, or at least a small part of it.
Here again you have to work with lists, as this is one of the most effective tools for self-knowledge. Everything that is written on paper is perceived much better, and making such lists helps to organize your thoughts, so do not forget to use this opportunity.
So, to understand your purpose, do this exercise. In one column, write down everything you know how to do. Include absolutely all skills, even if some of them seem insignificant to you. In the column opposite, write a list of everything that brings you pleasure, arouses interest, or you would like to try. Then use arrows to connect the skill with the desire if they are interrelated. For example, the skills indicate “training dogs,” and the desires include the item “spend a lot of time with animals.” These two statements are easy to connect. Moreover, this can be transformed into a purpose, for example, you can open a hotel for animals, thereby benefiting the world.
Read success stories
Often it is fear and self-doubt that prevent you from finding yourself in life. A person thinks that he is late, that he should have done this earlier, that no one needs this - there are a lot of excuses and they mainly come from the fear of changing something.
Someone else's positive example will help you get rid of fear. The easiest way is to read success stories. These stories will show you that age, background or life circumstances are not an obstacle to finding your place in life.
If you can’t find yourself in life on your own, pay attention to the course “Purpose. How to find your life's work? You will receive a list of effective exercises that will help you find yourself.
Disconnect to connect to yourself
In a society where we constantly work with different technologies, it is easy to feel disconnected.
Modern technology allows us to communicate with anyone in the world whenever we want. It has become a tool through which we can gain infinite amounts of knowledge per second. Unfortunately, it has also caused us to become more disconnected from ourselves, from each other, and from life in general.
Computer and communications technologies give us "virtual" reality, which means "almost the same or very similar but not quite the same as." [3] Thus, technology became an escape from the realities of life.
Have you ever done a digital detox in one day, a week or even a month? Feeling anxious thinking about it?
Disconnection is not just about disconnecting from the digital world. Rather, it is about coming back to yourself and focusing on what is important to YOU.
I encourage you to make it a daily practice to mentally and emotionally disconnect from all types of technology, even if it's just for an hour. Remove all distractions and connect with your environment and others.
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I promise it will help you find the silence you need to go within in a way that nourishes your mind, body and soul.
Use all your talents
Gary Vaynerchuk knows wine, video and business. He launched Wine Library TV, a webcast dedicated to wine. Steve Jobs understood design and technology. He created Apple.
Most of us view our abilities vertically. We choose one talent and try to succeed somewhere with it. Instead, you can look at your abilities horizontally and create a unique combination of skills, abilities and aspirations.
Think about where such a mix might be useful? Usually we try to fit into the existing business model and adapt to the needs of employers. We say: “I am ready to do anything in the name of financial success.”
Wouldn't it be better to think about what makes you unique and how that will help you achieve success? Make an action plan. You will realize how great it is to be yourself.
Take big risks
Get real with yourself...are you playing too safe right now? Anytime I've stayed within the confines of my comfort zone for too long, I feel bored and uninspired.
The main reason why so many people are unhappy is that they prefer mediocrity to risk. They take the safe and practical route because they don't want to rock the boat. I get it Going against what everyone else does and wants for you is risky.
The status quo is a much safer option. In fact, by nature, we seek this. This idea is supported by advances in brain imaging technology, which now confirms that we are wired to avoid risks. [4]
Unfortunately, playing it safe will get you nowhere. In my experience, this is the fastest way to feel lost in life.
If life were always predictable, you would never change. Therefore, you will never grow.
Change is the only constant in life. If you don't want to take the train, you'll be left behind. It is so simple. Being uncomfortable is the only way to discover who we are and who we are not. This is how we become the best versions of ourselves.
Analysis of the situation
The first step in order to make a meaningful choice and find yourself is to know yourself. It is difficult to describe and ignore the state when a person does not know who he really is. But no matter how difficult this search may be, it is worth it. Knowing your own essence is an edifying experience that can help you become a self-sufficient person. A few questions to start the process of getting to know yourself:
- What surrounds a person now?
- Does he have self-pity and demands for pity from others?
- Does he have dreams?
- And are there fears that prevent you from moving forward? We are talking specifically about those fears that a person sincerely wants to get rid of, and not those that provide a comfortable life.
- Is he an optimist or a pessimist?
- Personal qualities that contribute to moving forward?
- Properties that interfere with achieving goals and success?
- What kind of people are in a person’s close circle and are there those among them who hinder personal growth?
- Reasons for not realizing your dreams? Were they real?
- How did a person come to the current state?
It is very important to talk to yourself openly and honestly. It is recommended to write down the answers in a gadget or on a piece of paper.
Turn off the noise and dream
There will always be someone who doesn't agree with your path in life. No matter what you do or say, there will be opinions and judgments. It's up to you to decide whether you are connected to them or not.
People get into trouble when they start allowing other people to dictate the direction of their lives.
Don't let anyone tell you that the things you want in life are too extravagant or out of reach. Stay in your own lane. Last time I checked, my self-worth is not determined by others.
According to the great late Steve Jobs,
“Don't let the noise of other people's opinions drown out your inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know who you really want to become. Everything else is secondary."
When we begin to suppress our dreams, we take the first step towards becoming comfortable with less than what we truly want in life.
Don't be afraid to take risks and dream big. The only person holding you back is you, so get out of your way.
Even the most successful people in this world have been ridiculed for their lofty goals and dreams. Did that stop them? No, and it won't stop you either.
Don't rely on a financial miracle
When we decide to change our lives, we hope for help from above. Winning the lottery, inheritance, financial miracle. Stop. Don't go crazy.
The ability to create something important despite obvious difficulties is one of the best qualities of a person. You must develop this character trait. You can't hope that someone or something will come to your aid.
Evaluate everything soberly and plan your budget. Even if it is difficult, boring and sad because of the amount of money in your account. Without cash payments, it is impossible to proceed to action. So stop dreaming.
Experience your inner narrative
If you want to change your life, you must break the habit of being yourself and challenge your internal narrative. If you constantly say “Im los t” or “I’m unixable”, this is exactly what you will continue to attract into your life.
Your self-talk correlates with your brain's "default mode network," or "DMN" for short. The DMN is the root of your ongoing “me story.” It is the part of you that is always worried about what might happen and what others might think. [5]
When you feel lost in life, it can be easy to get stuck in a mindset where you allow yourself to get comfortable with things that don't make you satisfied. If you fall into the trap of identifying as "lost" for too long, you may find yourself accepting this reality.
What does your inner voice sound like? If it's negative, the good news is that you can reprogram the disempowering belief systems that have been keeping you in one place.
I encourage you to repeat daily affirmations to remind yourself that your position in life is not permanent. In terms of reducing negative thoughts, affirmations have been shown to help hold on to negative experiences for too long. [6]
When you can replace negative internal messages with more positive ones, you can create a more inspiring narrative about who you are and what you can achieve.
Try repeating the following phrase after you wake up tomorrow morning:
“I'm not lost. I am on a journey of transformation.”
If this doesn't resonate with you, make up your own affirmation and repeat it throughout the day when you feel lost.
When change is necessary
Do you feel that joy is gradually leaving your life and anxiety is growing, that your daily activities do not bring pleasure at all, but only take energy? This is a signal that you are living wrong. If at this stage you do not turn off the beaten path, it will lead you into the jungle of deep depression, from which it will be very difficult to get out.
Sometimes life decides for us and literally forces us to start over from scratch. This happens after the death of a very close person, loss of valuable property, divorce, loss of a job. In such situations, we have no choice but to gather our strength and build our lives from scratch. Unfortunately, not everyone has the strength to cope with severe shocks; some people “break down”. Therefore, it is better not to wait for serious problems and start changing your life for the better today.
If you are not satisfied with your life, but you just can’t decide to change, I advise you to read Brian Tracy’s book “Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. Change your life".
Where to start a new life
I will give you 10 recommendations that can be taken as a guide to action in the first stages. To start:
- Finish the things you started and cut off these ends - you should not be burdened by an unfinished obligation. Give your report, call your ex and dot the i's, write a letter of resignation and talk to your boss.
- Clean up - sort out all the old trash that reminds you of your routine. Some items can be thrown away as unnecessary, the rest can be sold on one of the sites. The most valuable things should be left behind.
- Forget the past. Let's give an example in relationships: throw out old photos together, hide (sell, give away) gifts, do not go to a page on social networks, do not re-read correspondence.
- Live for tomorrow - plan, dream, set goals. It's pleasant and productive.
- Draw a tree of tasks - in the center there are one or two large ones, below that there are smaller steps, gradually strive to complete them. For example, a big goal is buying a car, smaller ones are getting a driver’s license and approval for a car loan, raising funds for a down payment.
- Come up with a motivation system. When you make the right steps and decisions, reward yourself. Incentives vary depending on specific circumstances. For example, for an overweight girl, the motive may be to lose weight, and the result may be a downward arrow on the scale.
- Don’t give up, stay positive, always look on the bright side of the situation.
- Visualize your “plan” by dividing the page into two columns: “leave in the past”, “implement in the future”.
- Imagine the material result of where to start living in a new way - a private house instead of a one-room apartment, a magnificent wedding for 100 people, or the office of a company director. A visual picture will help you not to deviate from your intended goal.
- Believe in yourself, then those around you will believe too!
