- October 21, 2018
- Psychology of Personality
- Ekaterina Nikolaeva
When thinking about what happiness is, how you feel in such a state, you first need to decide what this concept means. After all, this is not a feeling, as many people think, it is a way of life.
Although there is momentary happiness. For example, when a child is given a long-awaited puppy for his birthday, he is happy. But this is a short feeling that will disappear in the next hour (day, month).
What is happiness
Happiness is not an accidental or intentional event. This is a way of life that can and should be learned. Man creates happiness every minute through his actions and way of thinking. After all, it is people who decide how to treat any situation. An unpleasant event can be interpreted as a punishment from higher powers and you can reproach yourself for making a mistake. Or you can gather your strength, taking the annoying moment as a reason to become better.
Psychologists conducted two experiments. In the first, specialists observed two groups of people. One of them is people who have lost everything in life: health, family, love, money. But for some reason they did not break and found the meaning of life in something new and enjoyed the little things. The other group is people who have everything they want in life. These are wealthy families who seem to be happy. However, in reality this was not the case. For one reason or another, they were not satisfied with their lives.
The second experiment was dedicated to creative people: musicians, poets, artists. Psychologists have noticed that when a person does something that brings him pleasure, he falls into a kind of euphoria, stops noticing the world around him, and immerses himself in the process.
When thinking about how to feel happy, you need to pay attention to your hobbies and interests, and try to build your life based on them.
Rule three
Take a walk in the fresh air. You need to walk slowly, communicating with the nature around you. There are so many interesting and beautiful things in the world, but people always run about their business, not noticing the beauty next to them. Morning walks are especially useful; free up at least one hour of your time for this. Don’t think about business and problems, about future plans and the essence of existence, just rest your soul. You are sure to discover a lot of new and inspiring things. Thanks to walks, your well-being will quickly improve, your mood will be elevated.
The impact of stress on a happy life
It is difficult to imagine modern life without constant stress at work, with family, and in personal achievements. A feeling of tension, anxiety and dissatisfaction accompanies a person from the first years of conscious life to old age. It is impossible to eliminate stress from social life.
However, it is possible to change the way you think about stress. There are two types of human reaction to it:
- Neurotic defense. This is a state when a person begins to blame everyone around him for the troubles that have befallen him. Such individuals have great difficulty coping with problems and crises in life.
- "Mature defense." People whose psyche is tuned to this type of reaction are able to deal with the chaos that has arisen in their lives, putting their thoughts in order and looking for new opportunities to solve old problems.
To prevent stress from interfering with a happy life, you need to be able to turn off anger and other negative emotions. It is not for nothing that there is a saying: “a person is given only those trials that he is able to endure.” Each new problem should be treated as a small nuisance, and by solving it, you will become stronger emotionally. When figuring out how you feel, you need to remember this.
So, how can you ultimately become happy?
Communicate more
“We are happier when we are with others,” came the conclusion of Canadian economist John Halliwell and American political scientist George Putnam. They consider social connections one of the most reliable indicators of well-being.
According to their research, people who have close friends, friendly neighbors and supportive colleagues are less likely to feel lonely, suffer from low self-esteem or have problems sleeping and eating. In the end, a person can simply enjoy communication.
Russian researchers also came to the conclusion that “happiness” is directly related to the number of friends and acquaintances: if you increase the indicator of social capital by 10%, then the “happiness index” increases by 14%.
But we should not forget that not only the breadth, but also the depth of social connections matters.
How to find friends as an adult
Be kinder
The New Economics Foundation is sure: happy people are kind people. Altruism is one of the five points they identified that can bring people closer to a feeling of happiness.
There is a technology called foresight. It aims to design a better future and develop ways to achieve it. According to this technology, mental well-being is enhanced when a person feels useful to society and able to contribute to its development. Therefore, when we help someone, we experience positive emotions and feel satisfied with life.
Happiness researchers from the UN also call for altruism: according to their data, people who help others, for example, do charity work or work in volunteer organizations, feel much happier than those who focus only on themselves. Moreover, the happier a person is, the more likely he is to help others.
Decide on goals
In 2011, the UK Office for National Statistics conducted a study to understand which well-being is more important - hedonic (connected with the experience of pleasant emotions in the here and now) or eudaimonic (where a person strives to benefit, he has some kind of goal). They asked respondents four questions: whether a person is satisfied with life, whether he has some kind of goal, whether he felt happy yesterday, and whether he experienced anxious feelings yesterday.
The results showed that having a purpose in life is associated with both feelings of satisfaction (0.54) and feelings of anxiety (0.16). But with satisfaction it is much stronger.
Based on this research, UN happiness experts concluded that positive emotions and feeling happy in the moment certainly matter. But having a goal can make those feelings even deeper.
Don't forget about education
And about anyone. Both advanced training courses and mastering new hobbies: drawing, clay modeling, dancing can increase the level of satisfaction with life.
The process of learning is important for people of any age: it helps children develop socially, it increases self-esteem for adults and helps them expand their social circle and lead a more active life, and for older people it helps them cope with depression. It also influences the process of goal setting: educational activity can help you decide what is really important to you, or, conversely, become a means to achieve a goal.
Surround yourself with happy people
Happiness is contagious! This is the opinion of the Italian neuroscientist Giacomo Risolatti, who discovered mirror neurons in the early 90s. They are responsible for the fact that we are able to read other people’s emotions and repeat them: if we are shown a photograph of a person who smells an unpleasant odor, the same neurons are activated in our brain as if we had smelled that odor. It's the same with positive emotions.
Do you want to know how to become happy? Risolatti advises communicating more with cheerful people or, if you urgently need to cheer up, watch some positive film. By the way, this also works in the opposite direction: if you want to make someone happy, just activate their mirror neurons using your own positive emotions.
Don't think about happiness
“Wanting to be happy makes you less happy,” says psychology professor Iris Mauss of the University of Denver. She explains that if you are obsessed with being happy and thinking about it 24/7, it will not help your well-being.
Iris and her colleagues conducted a series of experiments that showed that a person focused on happiness sets too high standards for himself about what this happiest life should be like. Therefore, he is more often faced with disappointment, becomes upset, and his level of well-being decreases.
In addition, a person obsessed with how to become happy may spend too much time on himself and less time communicating with loved ones, colleagues, and friends. And social capital is one of the important components of well-being.
Professor Jonathan Schooler from the University of California also believes that a person who defines happiness as a goal is initially setting himself up for disappointment.
Happiness every day
Unhappy people sincerely wait for some event to happen in order to begin to enjoy life. For some it’s a promotion, for others it’s a day off or a significant date. Only after this lifestyle is ingrained into the subconscious, they begin to analyze and think about how to feel happy every day.
There is a simple way. You need to make a list of those skills and abilities that work best and bring pleasure. For example, let it be drawing or origami. The main thing is that these tasks are not very difficult, otherwise they will cause a feeling of excitement.
You need to do these things every day. If completing a task requires a lot of time, which is not available, then it can be divided into several stages. It is important to regularly perform activities that bring pleasure. Then every day will be happy.
Money can not buy happiness
Neither money, nor fame, nor material things, nor a specific person will make you happy if you are unhappy inside . Yes, the effect of joy and satisfaction will be, but temporary.
I'm sure you're ready to argue with me. Or better yet, share a famous phrase from the Internet: “Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it’s better to be sad in a new BMW than in a minibus.”
This is true, but the phrase itself says the whole point - you will be sad. Even if you have a new BMW and do not develop inner happiness, you will create a bunch of more reasons for yourself that will make you unhappy.
For example, lack of money for gasoline, or the eternal fear that the car will be stolen, or, even worse, an accident in which your car and even you yourself will suffer. Unpleasant events can come from other areas.
I often meet people who are already very rich, or have found the ideal partner. But they still don't feel happy. Because happiness comes not from the external world, but from the internal.
You need to learn to be happy now, without pinning your hopes on the future or on external things and events.
Right today I will be happy. This means that I accept the words of Abraham Lincoln, who said that “most people are only as happy as they set their minds to be.”
Happiness comes from within, it is not something external. The future is in the present... There is no tomorrow. The day of man's salvation is today.
(c) Dale Carnegie. "How to stop worrying and start living"
So let's learn to develop happiness within ourselves today. So that your wishes are easily fulfilled, and every day brings joy, and there is a brand new BMW, and so that there is always money for gasoline. And the most important thing is that, no matter what, regardless of external circumstances, you are happy.
Children are the bridge to happiness
If you have children, that's great! We need to be honest and sincere with the younger generation, tell them what adults expect from them. One should not worry about success in their future, because worrying is of no use. Listen more often to what the child himself wants. Give your child freedom of action, so he can demonstrate his abilities and skills.
What could be better than the happiness of your children? Looking at them, you don’t ask a question about how you feel. It won't matter anymore. After all, if the children are happy, then the parents are too.
12) Buy experiences, not things.
You might want to head to the local mall when life gets tough; After all, a little retail never hurt anyone.
But does this really make people happy?
Sure, you may get instant gratification, but you know as well as anyone that the happiness gained from buying things doesn't last.
Dr. Thomas Gilovich, a psychology professor at Cornell University, has been researching the impact of money on happiness for two decades. Gilovich says:
“One of the enemies of happiness is adaptation. We buy things to make ourselves happy, and we succeed. But not for long. New things excite us at first, but then we adapt to them.”
If you feel like spending money, spend money on experiences. Go see the world. Live your life on planes and trains and in a car on the road to nowhere.
According to Gilovich, “Our experiences are a bigger part of who we are than our material possessions. You may actually like your material. You may even think that part of your personality is connected to these things, but still they remain separate from you. On the contrary, your experience truly is a part of you. We are the sum of our experiences."
Get out and see what life is made of in other places. Spend time in beautiful parks, challenging hiking trails, and by the ocean as much as possible.
These are places where you will find your happiness, not a shopping mall.
Achieving goals will lead to happiness
Throughout his life, a person sets goals and objectives that he strives to accomplish. Most often this happens during work. Has your boss assigned you a very serious and responsible task? Great, after completing it you will feel a surge of joy and self-satisfaction.
Those who can safely say: “I always feel happy” see the meaning of life not only in completing work assignments. They set goals in everything: to please their significant other with a delicious dinner, to take time and play with the children, to learn something new. You can even take a walk in the park to have a good time with your family.
Achieving such goals gives a feeling of self-confidence and self-confidence, inspires a person, fills him with energy.
On the way to work
If you get to work by public transport, it is difficult to maintain a high mood. But this happens every day! Just understand that by being nervous about your aunt, who awkwardly touched you with her elbow, you only support your hatred of all living things. Refrain from reading news on social networks while on the road. Better distract yourself with a book or music. Pay attention to other passengers, give up your seat or let you into another part of the cabin. The person who was rude to you on the bus is clearly not going to change his behavior. So don't let him ruin your day.
Analysis of your time
Your daily routine directly affects your general condition and how you feel throughout the day.
Experts recommend a simple method for analyzing your day. Take a notepad or piece of paper and a pen. Write down every action and the time allocated for it throughout the day. This also applies to hanging out on social networks for a minute. In the evening you can see how much time is wasted. But these hours could have been devoted to loved ones or self-development.
At lunch
Lunch is something we often sacrifice during a busy day. As a result, in the evening you eat everything that is not pinned down. Patrick Groneman emphasizes that to be satiated, it is important not only to eat, but to truly feel and appreciate the taste of food.
It takes time to enjoy every bite, to feel the flavors and textures,
– notes the expert.
Also, don't be distracted by the TV, phone, or book while eating. Eating is not only a physical, but also a psychological process. You won't need a large portion to fill you up. Prolong the pleasure, and your brain will record that your body has received all the necessary nutrients and does not need additional dessert.
Dependence on public opinion
The opinions of others are detrimental to obtaining joy and achieving a state called happiness. You cannot become a slave to the public. There is no need to go to the gym or play sports just because it is fashionable and everyone does it. Quiet walks can bring no less pleasure than membership in an elite fitness club.
You need to do only what really brings you pleasure. Such activities can be combined with achieving goals. For example, increase the distance traveled by a couple of hundred meters every day. The body will not feel the difference, but the numbers on a pedometer or smartphone with this function will please the eye. Achieving even small goals can give a person a feeling of euphoria and pride in themselves. Happy and feels good, because happiness is in your thoughts.
Trust – loyalty and security
Someone will say that happiness is the ability to count on someone’s support, to feel the embrace of a loved one and to know that he is faithful to you. If this description fits your definition of happiness, then know that you need someone with high levels of oxytocin. This hormone gives a feeling of security. People gather in fan clubs, do things together and want to belong to a group when oxytocin plays a paramount role in happiness.
American scientist Paul Zack, known as “Doctor Love,” conducted a series of studies on field mice. The male rodents, who prefer “free love” with females, became completely monogamous when they were injected with oxytocin in the laboratory. Thanks to this action, the hormone was called the “morality molecule.” Paul Zak repeated his experiment on humans. 80% of people who were injected with oxytocin through an inhaler showed more generosity and trust in their business partner in the money experiment. Donations increased by 50% under the influence of oxytocin. Dr. Zack concluded that oxytocin increases our capacity for compassion, which makes us happier. You can read more about the study by clicking on the link at the end of the article.
Fear is the worst enemy of a happy life
A mind that is free from fear will make any person happy. People who constantly worry about how they look, what people will think of them, as well as with an internal constant focus on themselves and their actions, have a much more difficult time feeling the joy of life.
It’s difficult to answer how to feel like a happy woman if you’re constantly stressed and worried about something. Let go of fear, relax psychologically and physically, and then life will sparkle with new colors.
Basic postulates to become happy
1. Diagnostics of the inner world
If you ask the question: “How to become very happy?” different people - friends, colleagues, mother, then you will get different answers. The concept of happiness and the conditions for it are different for everyone. And even if your friend is very willing to share his recipe for happiness with you, most likely his advice will not suit you. After all, only you know what happiness is for you.
And it’s possible that you don’t even know this, because knowing yourself is not an easy task to which you can devote your whole life. “But I want to get advice now on how to become a happy woman!” - you say. Don't worry, we will help you. First you need to determine how and under what conditions you feel happiness in different areas of your life.
Meaning in every little thing
If you spend your whole life waiting for the “great moment” or trying to figure out what the meaning of existence is, then it will continue to be gray and uncertain. The art of happiness is to see the meaning in every little thing, rejoice at the newly rising sun and give thanks for the past day, which brought a lot of joy.
There is no need to accumulate psychological energy in anticipation of a miracle, because it is already around us. Open your eyes, look at familiar things with a new look. Only then will you be able to notice the amazing in the ordinary.
15) Follow your intuition.
When the Guardian asked a hospice nurse about the top five regrets of dying people, she received one of the common answers that did not live up to their dreams:
“That was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their lives are almost over and look back on it clearly, it is easy to see how many dreams are left unfulfilled. Most people didn't achieve even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was because of the choices they made or didn't make. Health brings freedom that few people realize until it is gone from them.”
We cannot be happy if we do not trust ourselves to fulfill all our desires, desires and dreams.
If you rely on others to do things for you, you will wait a long time to be happy. Going out there and going after what you want is not only exhilarating, but rewarding.
Sometimes you don't find happiness at the end of the road. Sometimes traveling brings you happiness.
Trust your intuition and you'll find that not only are you capable of making yourself happy, but that your adventure to find what's on the other side of those feelings is worth it.
Loneliness is not the enemy
Many ladies say: “I feel the happiest in the arms of a man.” Perhaps this is true. But when people break up for some reason, a woman feels unhappy and devastated, she is overcome by depression, and she stops seeing joy even in what has always brought her pleasure.
In the fight against the fear of being alone, you need to understand that loneliness is not an enemy, you don’t need to be afraid of it. Loneliness is a great opportunity to spend time on yourself. After all, the love of others comes from your own love for yourself. During this period, you can put your psychological and physical state in order. It wouldn’t hurt to read at least a few books on personal self-development. Exercising strengthens muscles, makes the body more toned and sexy. Learning new dishes will delight your future lover.
You must always remember that you can handle any test. Treat a problem as an opportunity to improve. This way of thinking will make anyone happy.
What prevents us from being happy
I know for sure that it is impossible to experience a state of happiness if you do not have inner harmony and peace. There are things that prevent us from finding this harmony and feeling happy.
Resentment, fear and anger
Feeling resentful, like feeling angry, definitely does not make you happier. They destroy inner peace and make you feel unhappy or angry. There is no point in suppressing these emotions. You need to learn to deal with them. Remember that you are controlled by the person you are angry with. So both anger and resentment only harm you. But the people at whom your negative emotions are directed do not care at all. So is it worth giving in to destructive feelings at all?
When fear is too strong, it can suppress any of your actions. You will be afraid not only to commit an extreme act, but also any action in general. Even the one that will help you succeed. There is also an interesting phobia – sherophobia. It represents the fear of being happy. Yes Yes! It happens! A person is afraid to become happy. He believes that happiness is fleeting, and something bad will inevitably come after it.
Idealism
Many people have ideal images of their life, appearance, family, and future partner in their heads. But the problem is that these ideals cannot be achieved. Partly because all these illusions are imposed by the media and social networks. In pursuit of a pumped up and slender body, like one popular blogger, a person already forgets why he needs it and whether he really wants it. And dissatisfaction with your appearance and the constant desire to improve yourself prevents you from experiencing true happiness.
Often, in search of the ideal woman or man, a person remains lonely for the rest of his life. Well, or until he realizes that the ideal does not exist. And you yourself are imperfect. And that's absolutely normal. All that is needed for a happy relationship is mutual understanding, respect for each other, a spark of passion and a good sense of humor for both. And the shortcomings may turn out to be so insignificant that they are not worth your attention.
Envy
With the advent of social networks, there are more and more unhappy people. Many people follow popular personalities, their classmates, and classmates on Instagram. Among these acquaintances there are always those who are more successful, richer, better looking, and constantly travel. And a feeling of envy arises, corroding everything positive and good within us.
The next time you feel yourself starting to envy another person again, think about whether you are ready to give up everything in your life to become the one you envy? From parents, from boyfriend or girlfriend, from husband or wife, children, friends, from yourself. This method works well. I tested its effect on myself. I tried to mentally imagine myself in the place of another person without my family. I didn't like it at all. I love people close to me too much.
In addition, photographs on social networks are just a reflection of a small part of a person’s life. And they post exclusively joyful moments. It is not customary to flaunt your problems and failures. Most people want to appear successful and happy in the eyes of others.
It is better to focus on your own life, develop your strengths and stop obsessively monitoring how others live. No matter what impression you make on others, you will not be happier. So maybe we should stop worrying about this?
Past
It's hard to step into a happy future when you're carrying heavy baggage from the past. This baggage contains mistakes made, former loves, lost connections with friends. Until a person lets them go, he will not be able to breathe easily, fully enjoy the present moment and be happy.
Why suffer and be sad about what has already happened and cannot be returned? Past experience is given to us in order to learn from mistakes and not repeat them in the future. Draw conclusions - and move on with your life!
Procrastination
Are you familiar with the situation when, instead of doing an important task, for example, your direct job responsibilities, you do anything at work, but not this - hang out on the phone, drink tea, chat with colleagues? Most people are familiar with this condition. And to a certain level it is even considered normal.
However, if a person constantly puts off doing important things, then in the end he either gives up on them altogether or tries to do everything as quickly as possible, because deadlines are running out. And this greatly affects the quality. As a result, stress accumulates in a person, feelings of guilt develop, and productivity decreases.
The longer a person is in a state of procrastination, the more problems he has in life and even psychological illnesses may arise. So maybe you shouldn’t procrastinate and put off until later what you can do right now?
Negative thoughts
You've probably heard more than once that thoughts are material. We attract into our lives what we think about ourselves. Therefore, when a person once again tells himself that he has no money and he cannot become successful, then so it will be. These attitudes have already taken root in his subconscious, which means there is no point in even trying.
As soon as another negative thought appears in your head, immediately change it to a positive one. For example, tell yourself that you will definitely try to succeed. This will be another step on the path to happiness.
The pursuit of wealth
The desire to become rich in itself is not bad. But there is a danger that having achieved what he wants, a person will remain alone. There will be no family and friends nearby, and his whole life will be endless work.
Of course, it’s not easy to be happy without any money. It seems to me that this is completely impossible. Therefore, the main thing is to observe moderation in everything. You need to find a business that will bring you joy, a sense of self-realization, and then the money will appear.
Unjustified expectations
We may not live up to other people's expectations, just as they may not live up to ours. Why expect anything from another person at all? He doesn’t have to be cheerful, polite, honest and meet your invented requirements. If it suddenly matches, great, but if not, don’t be upset.
Learn to accept life and people as they are. And don’t try to please others. It is impossible to please absolutely everyone, and there is no need to. It's better to focus on what really makes you joyful.
Do good (Thoughtful Thursday)
Have you ever done something nice for someone? How did that make you feel? Good deeds are a necessary prerequisite for happiness. Neuroscientist Richard Davidson writes, “The easiest way to activate the neural network that controls positive emotions is to do a good deed.”
Generosity and generosity trigger chemical processes that regulate our well-being:
- Serotonin levels increase and we feel happy;
- the level of cortisol, which is a stress hormone, decreases;
- the amount of oxytocin increases, which affects our ability to experience love and intimacy.
The body seems to thank us for the kindness shown. In ancient times, tribe members had to take care of each other in order to survive. These days the situation has not changed much.
Generosity doesn't have to be about money—a kind word or a sincere smile can go a long way. By doing good, you also take care of yourself, because shown generosity and generosity evoke the same reaction in people in return.
Maybe this practice is already in your arsenal. If not yet, try to find the motivation that suits you, set aside time for this matter, meet people and look for like-minded people. You can help as a volunteer, occasionally or on an ongoing basis.
If volunteering is already familiar to you or you have ever provided free assistance, then you remember this pleasant feeling.
