In the age of social networks and online dating, the question of how to start a conversation and what topic to choose for conversation worries everyone who has ever encountered a similar situation.
For various reasons, people experience problems with communication and are forced to rack their brains over the question of how to behave when communicating with others. There are many different guides on how to be an interesting conversationalist and what to talk about, if nothing else. This topic is discussed in special courses, in blogs and psychological literature.
Unfortunately, not everyone is given natural charm and not everyone is tongue-tied. Not everyone can easily overcome embarrassment and the fear of being rejected when meeting someone, and also prove themselves as an interesting interlocutor who can talk not only about good weather.
Misunderstanding
Most communication problems arise precisely because of a misunderstanding of communication algorithms. Dialogue turns from a natural process into an impossible task. A person simply cannot understand what to say, what manner of communication would be appropriate, what to talk about, if nothing else, and so on. The only way out in such a situation is to interrupt contact. Various aspects of communication structure may be unclear.
Funny, interesting and original topics for conversation with any guy
These usually arise spontaneously: they are born from jokes, from events lived together, stem from dialogue that was not intended to be funny or original.
You can point at them:
- Imagine which book or movie character you would be
- If you had a superpower, what would it be? And which one would you like?
- Find a topic that you are not well versed in, and come up with your own details, details, and stories about it. For example, you know nothing about the Dutch - put together their mentality, habits, characteristics
- Discuss funny incidents from childhood
- Make prophecies from what is happening around you: it is raining in the sun - to a bright and full life, a yard cat has changed its direction of movement - to warming. Don't explain, just make it up
- When in a crowded place, try to respond to the remarks of passers-by, preferably to do it funny.
Behavior model
It is known that in different situations we build communication according to certain scenarios. They depend on what situation we are in, with whom we are communicating at the moment. The key to choosing the right model of behavior is, first of all, the social status of the interlocutor: a close person, a subordinate or a boss. Some people confuse these concepts, which can negatively affect the communication process.
The result of such a substitution of concepts is familiarity or, on the contrary, an overly official or even arrogant attitude towards close people.
I don’t know how to communicate with people, I’m always silent - how to overcome yourself
Exactly. You must be able to overcome your own fears and move forward. Just take it and then start. One interesting way is to awaken a sincere interest in people. Therefore, it is worth asking them about their attitude to something, an object, a situation, it is worth starting to find out opinions. Let there be only a few interesting people at first, but later this list will need to be expanded. Even those who once did not know how to communicate with people will soon be able to make many friends. The faster this happens, the sooner positive personality changes will be visible.
Nonverbal signs
One of the most important components of any dialogue is non-verbal communication. When a person does not know what to talk about, if nothing else, he begins to get nervous and chooses topics that are not entirely appropriate. Not every interlocutor can directly say that the topic of conversation does not suit him, then he begins to send various signals, including using sign language.
Interesting topics for conversation
Trips
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Usually the most interesting situations happen to us while traveling.
You could talk to your partner about funny incidents. Suddenly something similar happened to him too.
1. Which countries have you already visited?
If you both visited the same country, you can exchange impressions.
2. Have you ever experienced culture shock?
3. What problems did you encounter during your travels, if any?
It will be interesting to hear such stories. Time will pass unnoticed for both of you and you will not want to interrupt the conversation.
4. Have you ever traveled on your own, alone?
5. Do you speak foreign languages? Did you use them when you were abroad? How was it, did the locals understand you?
This information may be useful for those who want to leave the country or start studying abroad. After all, you will have to speak a different language, so the experience of another person will help you in future adaptation.
If none of you have traveled abroad, then you can dream and ask around where each of you would like to fly.
1. Do you want to move? Where would you like to live?
2. Do you have a desire to travel?
3. Which country do you want to visit?
A little advice: fewer questions and more facts about yourself.
Most of the talking points we've included in our article sound like questions.
Warning! If you ask your interlocutor too many questions in a row, he may feel like he is being interrogated.
It is better to first tell information about yourself on one of the proposed topics. You'll notice that you won't need to ask questions to keep the conversation going. After all, in such a situation, people continue to speak out of inertia. This happens smoothly and the person you are communicating with does not feel any discomfort.
For example, instead of asking directly what countries your opponent has visited, answer the question yourself. Begin your response with these words: “I visited two countries last year: India and Belgium. The food there is very tasty, so I often visit these countries.”
If you started the conversation in this way, then you explained between the lines what you need to talk about next.
When you start talking about yourself, you show that you trust this information to your interlocutor and, in return, he trusts you and talks about himself. The law of reciprocity applies here.
But even in this case, you can overdo it if only you speak, and the interlocutor does not have time to insert at least two words.
The bottom line is: ask fewer questions and remember that you are having a dialogue, not a monologue.
Entertainment
While walking, you can hear what people around you are talking about, and most often they are talking about films, various TV shows, and books. New products are always appearing, so the topic does not lose its relevance.
Fear
Another common cause of communication problems is fear of communication. Fear can be caused by excessive shyness, complexes, trauma, transference of other people's experiences and many other reasons. The main difference with this problem of misunderstanding is that due to fear, communication may not begin at all.
Many people are afraid to express their emotions, talk about their thoughts and defend their point of view. Moreover, as a rule, most of them are afraid not so much of starting a conversation as of being rejected and ridiculed. Often this problem is experienced by young people who do not know how to start a conversation with a girl. While their more courageous comrades make full use of any, even the most banal, dating techniques and are popular with the opposite sex.
I don’t know how to communicate with people, what to do and how to improve
In many ways, shyness appears due to internal complexes when a person begins to pay too much attention to his shortcomings, fears and low self-esteem. Such people tend to overestimate the opinions of others; sometimes it seems to them that all passers-by are just watching them. Those who do not know how to communicate with people do not need to indulge such weakness. They will need to go against themselves in order to once again continue to communicate with everyone normally and adequately.
Recovery is easier than it might seem. To do this, you need to follow a few basic tips:
- Workout. Regular exercise gives a person a feeling of self-confidence. This is a proven fact. In addition, exercise burns adrenaline and also stimulates the production of serotonin, which helps you become calmer.
- Keep certain phrases in reserve. You can never predict how a conversation will turn out. There is no need to prepare ready-made conversation templates - you will have to spend too much time, but you need to think through just a few phrases about your favorite hobby, book, music, main interests. This will allow you to carry on the conversation on occasion. However, you don’t need to get carried away with mental dialogues, this will only get in the way.
- Clear speech. You need to speak correctly. It is necessary to get rid of interjections, filler words that can interfere with the conversation. Sometimes it is better to wait a few seconds, think carefully about your answer, but express it correctly, without rushing. The interlocutor will not go anywhere, this must be taken into account.
Sometimes you have to force yourself to talk to strangers. Let it be a salesperson in a store, or a consultant. You shouldn’t push away people who approach you on the street. Don't be afraid to stop a passerby and ask for directions.
Everything should be natural, there is no need to force yourself to walk down the street for hours looking for conversations.
Disgust
Personal hostility can also be a very good reason for difficulties in communication. In this case, you don’t even have to think about what to talk about, if there is nothing to talk about. Under such circumstances, a person, in principle, has no desire to start, much less continue, a conversation.
It’s not for nothing that there is a proverb “one meets people by their clothes.” The cause of personal disgust can be an unkempt appearance, problems with personal hygiene, external resemblance to an unpleasant person, and even a dubious reputation.
How to find a suitable topic?
There are several topics that are relevant regardless of the character, outlook and characteristics of the interlocutor, as well as the current situation.
- Individual opinion . People love to evaluate what is happening. Therefore, it is quite appropriate to ask the person what he thinks about the reception/event/conference/mood of the guests, etc.
- Mutual acquaintances and friends (news and events related to mutual acquaintances). If you are trying to start a conversation with someone in your social circle, you can focus on mutual friends. And we're not talking about gossip! Rather, it’s about the opportunity to rejoice together for a friend’s success.
- Amazing phenomena. Unusual, non-standard and unique situations will be an excellent basis for conversation.
You just need to emotionally talk about how you saw a pack of angry dogs in the middle of the city, witnessed lightning on the way to the university, or observed an emergency. The interlocutor will be interested in the details, and then want to express his opinion about what happened. - News . Sensations that have occurred in the world, the city, and even the organization where you and your interlocutor work will be fertile ground for conversation. The main thing is to avoid news items that touch on politics or religion.
- Humor . Funny absurdities from life, comedic situations that happened to you personally or to your friends, will definitely capture the attention of the listener.
Interest
The problem of interest is a very subtle concept. Both insufficient and excessive interest in the interlocutor do not contribute to normal communication at all. Excessive interest in a person can cause him fear and, as a result, rejection. Lack of interest, logically, will simply reduce communication to nothing.
How can you make communication easy and relaxed, and what to talk about if there is nothing to talk about?
First of all, you need to choose those people who are easy and pleasant to be around. You shouldn’t force yourself if you don’t want to have a dialogue. Secondly, you simply need to work on yourself and your self-esteem. Get rid of complexes, work through past traumas, and if necessary, consult a psychologist.
Among other things, it is necessary to develop: do what you love, read books, live a full life.
Of course, you need to learn not only to speak, but also to listen. Being an interesting conversationalist means not only talking about yourself incessantly, but also giving the person a chance to speak out. The key to interesting and productive communication is the exchange of information and positive energy. Be yourself, cast aside fears and doubts, speak, listen and you will be happy!
What can we talk about?
With a stranger
On the one hand, talking to a stranger is difficult, since the range of his interests is a secret to you .
But on the other hand, if you managed to enter into a dialogue, then you don’t have to worry about choosing topics. After all, you can find out from a stranger:
- where he studies (which university, what specialty, whether he has completed his studies or is a student, what he can say about the teachers and student life, etc.);
- where he works (how he got into the profession, what are his career plans, was it easy to make friends with the team, etc.);
- what he is interested in (does the person have hobbies and hobbies, what is the choice based on and what successes have been achieved in this direction);
- what kind of music he prefers.
In other words, you can study the interlocutor and his range of interests directly during the conversation. With such valuable knowledge, you can easily support the dialogue next time.
Don't forget how sensitive people are to their opinions.
Does the conversation format not involve personal questions? Then ask your interlocutor to recommend a place where you can drink coffee.
You can ask for an assessment of the situation , or you can turn to a person so that he can help with the choice (when buying clothes, looking at the menu in a restaurant, etc.).
In company
Being in company, you don’t have to worry about awkward pauses.
It is enough to suggest a topic. People will pick it up and begin to actively develop it, changing the vector of the conversation as they go.
List of possible topics:
- family (a story about one’s family or questions about someone else’s family usually turns into an exchange of funny stories of an everyday nature);
- career (profession is the most universal topic for people of all ages);
- rest (this category includes both large-scale events such as flying to hot countries, and home leisure in the form of reading books or watching films);
- indignation (friendship against someone else is always relevant, so discussing difficult situations, an evil boss and increased travel costs will unite people, allow them to speak out, and get rid of the negativity);
- memories (funny stories from student, school or professional life in the company always support, willingly remembering bygone times).
With sister or brother
A brother/sister is a person with whom you share common memories and are also well versed in the character and preferences of this person.
But it also happens that when talking with a brother or sister, awkwardness and long pauses (after a long separation, when spending a long time together in a limited space, etc.). In such situations, you can discuss
- News, if any . Perhaps a brother or sister went to study in another city. Naturally, during the holidays, a loved one will bring a wealth of knowledge and impressions.
- Future plans and dreams. A loved one will be able to keep the secret and will not judge you, so you can safely trust your innermost desires.
- Domestic issues . This is a good option for those who have exhausted all topics during a long journey. You can discuss buying a new computer, decide on dinner, plan rearrangements in the room, etc.
- Childhood . At what point in your life were you closest to your brother or sister? For most people, this period is filled with pranks, games and pleasant memories, the discussion of which causes pleasure and nostalgia.
- Mutual friends and relatives. Sisters and brothers love to gossip.
You don’t have to worry about being judged, because your loved one understands and shares your feelings, and is not guided by the rules of decency and behavior in society.
