Last time we talked about why everything is bad for us. Understanding the terrible consequences and secret reasons that we feel bad is good and necessary, but not enough. To stop seeing life in a black light or “striped”, you need to do something practically. What to do if everything is bad or you find yourself in the habit of whining? That’s what we’ll talk about today, as I promised.
“Everything is bad for me”: critical age
Scientists have found that the age of “everything is bad for me” occurs on average at 47-48 years. The happiness curve drops to a minimum at this time. It does not depend on social status, wealth, health and other factors. A midlife crisis sets in and it is associated primarily with biological reasons. The genes that are responsible for resisting aging stop working at this age. The body's molecular program, which is aimed at longevity, is valid only up to 50 years. At this time, a failure seems to occur and the person begins to feel unhappy.
People are quite happy when they are 18-23 and when... 70. After 30 years, the level of happiness begins to decline and by the age of 40 it is already significantly felt. And by 50 people are usually not satisfied with the quality of life. Most often this is material wealth and lack of a good job. After 60-65, a person begins to feel happy again, because he focuses not on income and professionalism, but on simple things: hobbies, friends, family, and becomes happy again.
How long should a baby sleep?
The importance of sleep for babies is difficult to overestimate.
Quality rest, as well as good nutrition, is the key to normal physical and psycho-emotional health of children. During sleep:
- the hormone somatotropin is produced, which plays an important role in the formation of the skeleton;
- Immunity is restored. After falling asleep, T-lymphocytes are activated, destroying viruses and bacteria;
- metabolism in tissues increases;
- cells are renewed;
- the nervous system relaxes.
Babies spend most of their time sleeping during the first three months of life. According to WHO recommendations, the total sleep duration of babies from 0 to 3 months should be 14–17 hours a day. However, these indicators are approximate, because each child is individual. Therefore, if your baby sleeps more or less than the established norm, but still feels good, then there is no need to worry.
What to do if everything is bad: secrets of correct thinking
It's easy to make life wonderful if you allow the good to come into it. Another question is how to do this? First, throw away everything that pulls you back into the negative, then the positive will not take long to arrive. And it is also very important to believe in good things.
“Everyone will be rewarded according to his faith” - these words from the Bible open a path that is available to every person. If you believe in unrequited love, you will receive it; if you are afraid that what you have planned will not work out, so it will be. Everything that a person believes in sooner or later comes into his life.
No one's life is smooth without hardships and even heartache. It’s wiser to perceive it as a part of life and know that someday everything will pass. Remember the legend of Solomon's ring with the inscription "All things shall pass" ? When he looked at the inscription he calmed down, but one day he got angry and tore off the ring. Then on its inside he saw another inscription: “This too shall pass.”
Why is it bad? The real reasons for bad mood
If you feel like you're feeling bad just because you had an argument with your boss this morning or because the deadline to pay one of your bills is tomorrow, it's time to think about the real reasons for your bad mood.
Happiness can be defined as the absence of negative emotions, and while recent events like the ones mentioned above may dampen your mood, there are still many long-term factors influencing your mood at the moment, even if you are not aware of it.
In other words, there are known reasons why a person feels bad, and there are aspects that have a similar effect that we are not even aware of.
How to act when everything is bad in life: TOP 5 tips
So, everything is bad for you. Problems at work, relationships with your other half or children are not going well, and even your health leaves much to be desired. Of course, you can lie down on the sofa, close your eyes and just wait, or start drinking with friends or alone. But this is not the solution. What to do?
Tip 1. Get your head in order. Negative thoughts come - throw them away as unnecessary trash. Believe that everything will be fine and that you will overcome the problem. Then sooner or later you will look at the load that seemed so serious with a smile.
Tip 2: Find a new hobby. When you have some kind of hobby, great. But why not look for something new, and generally just fill your life with new experiences? Sign up for a cutting and sewing club, take up burning, post-crossing or horse riding - whatever you like. The main thing is that you take your mind off sad thoughts and focus on something positive.
Tip 3 . Play sports. Don't be lazy, move, because movement is life. The best way to help here is to play sports. Go to yoga, swim in the pool, play volleyball. If you are more comfortable with hard training, do it. Move, move and move some more.
Tip 4. Don't hide your emotions. Talk to other people. You are not the only one. Many people have had something similar happen. Therefore, they can share their experience, and you can take something useful out of the conversation. You shouldn’t keep your emotions inside, throw them out, and then it will become easier.
Getting rid of negativity in words
Since whining usually not only has reasons, but also becomes a habit, you will have to fight it as if it were a habit. And habits work automatically. Therefore, first of all, you need to learn to catch yourself in negative words, thoughts, emotions and cope with them, and in some cases simply by willpower.
The easiest way to start is to simply stop whining, complaining and being indignant in conversations, that is, stop burdening innocent others with your problems and negativity.
Those around you will be especially happy, believe me. But the question is not in them, but in us. We need to unlearn how to talk about our problems and negative feelings, grumble and judge. If you lack willpower and attention to yourself, then it’s not a sin to use a reminder to make the task easier.
I once came across a description online of a technique invented by an American - the “purple bracelet”. The idea is simple - we put a bracelet on our hand (it doesn’t have to be purple and it doesn’t have to be a bracelet - you can just use an elastic band for your hair), which will remind us that we have taken a vow to avoid complaints, whining, gossip and other negativity for 21 days. If you “break down”, the bracelet is changed to the other hand. The goal is to wear the bracelet on one hand for 21 days.
Despite all the skepticism towards various types of techniques, it seems to me that this exercise is very effective, because in order to achieve the goal, willy-nilly you will have to do serious work on yourself to identify the causes of negativity and find ways to avoid it. As a result, life will change beyond recognition!
There is one nuance - our neighbors are used to talking to us about bad things. It will be difficult for us to forget how to carry on a conversation when they whine. Here we learn to turn it into a joke, to translate the topic - yes, we are looking for creative ways to resolve the issue, without turning into a comforter for the grieving. This is a reason to stop being a donor, we have this problem. When we learn to cope with negativity in ourselves, we will understand how to deal with loved ones. Just don’t now see everyone as enemies trying to shake our determination to be positive!
Okay, we've sorted out the conversation - you can take some water in your mouth, as a last resort. But if we continue to experience negative emotions for every suitable occasion and think all sorts of nasty things to ourselves without splashing them out, then we will be torn apart by internal pressure like a steamer, right? And even if it doesn’t tear it apart, then our feat of abstaining from evil-tonguing will still be of no use. We need to do something with emotions and thoughts too!
How to live on when everything is bad, and where to go?
Every person has close people who are ready to support in difficult circumstances. If the problem is with them, no one bothers you to create an anonymous account and chat with visitors on the forums. There will definitely be a person who will support or, perhaps, suggest something. But if the crisis is really serious, you need a specialist, so don’t be afraid or hesitate to go to him.
When it’s really bad and you don’t know what to do, a psychologist will help. This is even a necessity if you:
- unable to control emotions:
- you find it difficult to communicate with people;
- you have a strong dependence on your partner or conflict with your spouse;
- obsessive thoughts and states;
- severe apathy;
- psychosomatic disorders.
The help of a specialist is needed here like air; a person himself is unlikely to come out of a prolonged depression. But the main thing to remember is that you are a completely free person. We are able to speak or remain silent, make any decisions, forgive or not forgive. We are always able to perform actions that are not directed against us, but to benefit us. If things really get tough, remember the parable of Solomon and his ring with the engraving “This too shall pass.”
“Everything is bad for me”: how to deal with negative thinking in children and ourselves
“Nobody understands me, I’m a loser and I’ll never achieve anything” - sound familiar? Such thoughts occur to each of us, but most often teenagers think this way. Fortunately, scientists have long discovered that behind anxiety and negative emotions there are hidden traps in our brain. And how to deal with them, they tell in the blog of the publishing house "MYTH".
Useful Mela newsletter twice a week: Tuesday and Friday
SUBSCRIBE
Adolescence is often called the age of anxiety and internal struggle. Emotional swings, a difficult path to self-awareness and inevitable conformity force grown-up children to look at the world through a negative prism. But there is another reason for this - the teenage brain is at the stage of maturation and it is especially difficult for it to resist the so-called mental filters - attitudes that force us to see the world in black and white.
The course “Be yourself 2.0” from the publishing house MYTH helps you resist internal attitudes, listen to yourself and be happier every day. Let's talk about how to work with mental traps ourselves and how to teach this to growing children. We can help a teenager look at the process of growing up as a great adventure, filled with impressions that will bring him new experiences.
What are mental filters
“Mental filter” sounds good. Like a mesh that prevents any debris from entering the brain. Unfortunately, mental filters, on the contrary, distort reality: with their help, the mind convinces us that there is only bad in a certain event. This reinforces negative thoughts and emotions. During adolescence, mental filters are especially active. A simple way to recognize a mental filter is to apply the equation: A + B = C, where A is the activating event, B is the belief (this is where mental filters come in), and C is the consequence or perception of the situation.
10 types of mental filters
Most of us encounter almost all of these settings at one time or another, but if you take a closer look, you'll likely find that there are two or three of them that you use especially often.
1. The “all or nothing” principle
This way of thinking divides the world into black and white, without gradations, halftones or other variations. With this filter, a person thinks in extremes and leaves no room for alternative views and solutions, often using the words “never” or “everyone”. People with this filter are sure that they are either winners in life or losers. In practice, the filter can lead to the following thoughts: “If I don’t pass chemistry with flying colors, then I’m a complete fool!”
2. Denial of the positive
Under the influence of this filter, we see all information in black. Even good news. When thinking about our lives, we ignore our own achievements and attribute all successes to a simple coincidence. In life, it looks something like this: “Yesterday at basketball I scored the winning free throw by pure chance,” “She agreed to dance with me, probably out of pity.”
3. Fear of the future
This cognitive distortion occurs when you only anticipate the worst-case scenario and beat yourself up about it. This filter causes us to worry so much about the future that we cannot enjoy the present. For example: “They gave me a bad mark. I'll drop out of school and never go to college."
But this is how it should be:
“Yes, I got a bad grade, and I don’t like it, but one grade cannot affect my whole life.”
4. Overgeneralization
One bad thing happened - then everything will be bad too. Instead of considering this an isolated incident, you convince yourself that everything is going downhill: “My best friend didn’t want to hang out with me after practice. She's always too busy for me."
5. Overdramatization
When you predict failure before you even begin to act. This filter is reinforced by three factors: fixation on the situation, inflating its scale, and a sense of powerlessness. Example: “My ex’s family has hated me ever since we broke up.”
6. Personalization
It appears when it seems to you that all the words and actions of other people are directly related to you. As a result, you consider yourself the cause of all negative external events, even those for which you are not responsible. People with this distortion take everything that others think, do, or say personally: “My boyfriend hasn’t called me today. He was probably offended by me.”
7. Accusations
With this filter, we blame others and hold them responsible for our misfortunes - this distracts attention from the problem itself. It has the side effect of not taking responsibility for failures. It’s easier to blame others than to take responsibility: “I wouldn’t have posted a humiliating photo of her if she hadn’t been rude to me at school.”
Features of sleep for babies from 0 to 3 months
Some manifestations of restless behavior in children after falling asleep can be explained by the peculiarities of the structure of their sleep.
A baby's sleep, like an adult's, consists of two phases:
- Orthodox or slow-wave sleep. During this period, the brain is inactive, the body is relaxed, breathing is even and calm. It is during slow-wave sleep that a person fully rests and restores physical strength.
- Paradoxical or REM sleep. The paradoxical phase is characterized by an increase in body temperature and pressure, rapid heartbeat, breathing, and rapid movement of the eyeballs under closed eyelids.
During sleep, both phases replace each other: first comes slow sleep, then fast sleep, and so on in a circle. The structure of sleep in infants in the first months of life is unique: its main part is REM sleep, during which the baby may grimace, twitch his arms and legs. This behavior of a baby during sleep is absolutely normal and should not bother parents. As the child grows older, the period of the orthodox phase gradually increases, and the child begins to sleep more peacefully.
Meaning for life
Lyubov Ternevskaya graduated from the history department and after some time worked in a school, and then in a construction industry.
Twelve and a half years ago, together with her classmates at the Faculty of Psychology, Ternevskaya came to the emergency psychological assistance department and began working on the phone. Adaptation, she said, took two years. Then she began to feel more confident and, at the same time, she was constantly studying and receiving therapeutic education. First it was psychodrama, then existential analysis, clinical retraining and then psychoanalysis.
After some time, Ternevskaya was appointed head of the emergency room shift, and two years ago she became head of the department.
Lyubov TernevskayaPhoto: Stanislava Novgorodtseva for TD
Service employees work twelve-hour shifts; a consultation with one person can last an hour, except in severe cases. The service now employs 47 people, and an emergency psychological assistance department has recently been added. In “peacetime” they also provide consultations by phone, and in emergency situations they go to airports and hospitals.
“I manage this entire department and also consult because it is very important to me. It's a difficult job. You can never know everything completely. It is very difficult to understand a person. It requires a lot of effort and expense. And you need to maintain interest in the profession. Your hearing changes, you use a completely different intellectual apparatus to understand. It can be very difficult here, but it’s never boring.
When we talk to someone on friendly terms and give some advice, it is as if we are abandoning the person. We say: “Well, do this and it will be fine, go to this doctor or another.” In everyday life, we cannot withstand intense experiences, we brush them off a little. It’s hard for us, and we give advice to stop it,” says Ternevskaya. — When people call us, they expect that they will be listened to and not “refused with advice.” Although they formulate what they need exactly like that. But this is a figure of speech: “Give me advice.”
They expect that they will not be judged and that they will be able to say the most unpleasant and indecent things about themselves. That they will not be abandoned or rushed, that they will be helped to think about themselves, in a sense, to maintain themselves.”
