What to do if your friends betrayed you, how to cope with the pain of resentment?

You have been friends since childhood or from attending school or university. At that time there is no betrayal, since there are no problems. Always together, went everywhere with each other, shared their deepest secrets, helped when it was really needed. Isn't this true friendship? It's difficult to answer. And it’s difficult because on a beautiful day you are betrayed. It doesn't have to be one person, it can be friends. There are many articles on the Internet - “cry from the soul: My friends betrayed me, why are they wiping their feet on me?” There is so much betrayal around.

Pain in my soul

It's a shame to realize that I'm only needed when someone needs help with advice or simple support. Yes, I’m happy to help, I’m happy to listen, I’m like a mother, I’ll understand and won’t offend you. But that’s where the relationship ends, they neglect the fact that it’s important to me, that I also need the support and reliable shoulder of a friend. For some reason, they don’t discuss their problems with anyone, they just “hang out” with others, have fun, but they run to me with problems. This doesn't just affect one friend of mine, everyone around me does it. I am like a transit point, a place where people need to repent, get support, they show me their weakness, I accept it, and help. She never laughed in their face and said that they were wrong. But in public they don’t seem to notice me, they almost try to avoid my company, they act distantly.

How to avoid sin?

Human relationships are complex, as is life in general. Betrayal is a great sin, and if you want to prevent it from entering your life, start by working on yourself. Think about it, have you ever deceived someone? In fact, living correctly and with a clear conscience is not at all difficult and very pleasant. Try to avoid gossip and do not participate in conversations that discuss third parties. It’s better to nip your curiosity in the bud than to risk your friendship and personal life. Try to get rid of the habit of telling strangers anything about your loved ones. Take a responsible approach to any promises and oaths, and if you make them, try to keep your word at all costs.

A particularly sensitive issue is adultery. Indeed, sometimes feelings in a marriage fade away, and at this moment one of the spouses may fall in love again with someone else. In such situations, you should act according to honor and not start a new relationship until the relationship in the family is clarified and a decision is made to divorce.

What reaction might occur?

We have already talked about the desire for revenge. Along with this, there are:

Anger and anger. In a state of passion, a person is capable of committing the most terrible crimes. Firstly, this will negatively affect your emotional state and health, and secondly, by harming the offender, you will only make an enemy. Just forget about betrayal.
Hatred. Generates evil.
Resentment. It is known to destroy a person from the inside.

You need to learn to forgive. This is difficult and may not work out right away, but this is the only way you will be able to relieve internal burden, get rid of bad thoughts and emotions, and mental pain. So, what to do if your best friend betrays you?

Some useful tips

Once you find the reason why friends disappear from your life, recharge yourself with positivity. Do not refuse new acquaintances, make peace with old friends. So:

Look for comrades with similar interests.
Get together with old friends more often, at least once a week for a cup of coffee.
Keep in touch with friends.

So, now we know what to do if your friends betrayed you. In the case of real betrayal, you should forget the offense and let the offender go. But don’t cut short, perhaps this is just a ridiculous quarrel, because of which you shouldn’t give up your friendship.

Reaction to betrayal

Get angry and take revenge. The most hasty and wrong decision. You can only do stupid things in anger. You get angry, harm your emotional state, and try to do something worse to someone else than they did to you. And in the end you make an enemy for yourself. For what? After all, the relationship cannot be restored. Just forget about the traitor.

Do not make fast conclusions. First, find out how your friend views this situation.

Be offended, leave and not remember this person. Resentment is an uninvited guest, it comes without an invitation, suddenly. When you are offended by someone, you harbor bad thoughts and even curses in your heart towards the other person. But everything comes back. Do you really want to reap the bad in your life? So all the complaints are only to yourself.
Hold a grudge and try to forgive, although it doesn’t work. To finally forgive, you need to learn how to do it. The process is complex and lengthy. It is believed that you have forgiven a person when you remember him or the evil he committed calmly, without rage, as a past stage of life that taught you something useful. Humility is submission, and forgiveness gives inner freedom.
Forgive from the bottom of your heart and let go of your ex-friend on all 4 sides. This is the best way out for the betrayed. Some may consider this a weakness, but in fact this decision will help the victim ultimately gain inner peace and freedom from wrong thoughts and uncontrollable actions. People who believe in God are taught the highest degree of forgiveness - blessing those who offend.

Why did this happen to me?

Treat a quarrel philosophically, even if it led to a break in the relationship. Maybe this situation is useful for you, as it will help strengthen your spirit? You shouldn't fall into despair. “All people are bad, life is not a success...” - these thoughts are absolutely groundless. Such thoughts will generally teach you to subconsciously push away new people. But a new friend, real and faithful, may already be on the way.

Normal relationships are possible when people give each other a certain amount of freedom. And by claiming too much for a friend’s time and attention, we can only ruin the relationship.

The shock of betrayal will soon pass. If the friendship has cooled, then both are to blame. Therefore, take the situation as a lesson for the future. When you find a new friend, try not to bare your whole soul to him. Don't isolate yourself in your grief. Seek communication with others, turn your attention to family members: parents, children, brothers and sisters. You don't have to tell them about your grief. Just know that loved ones do not betray.

The most reliable friend is yourself.

Think about how many difficulties and misunderstandings you have already experienced. Value yourself as a reasonable person who can cope with any trouble. When you see yourself standing above the problem, you will understand that life goes on and the best friends are yet to come.

Read more: How to properly raise a teenager

Or maybe he wasn’t one?

What makes a true friend different?

He always remembers you, even when he is very busy with work, and will come to your aid at any moment.
He will sort out your problems.
There's never a dull moment with him.
You can trust him with innermost secrets that no one will know about.
Knows how to forgive.
He feels you perfectly and knows what and how to help.
He will help you financially and physically, without demanding anything in return.
He won’t let you get into trouble, he won’t make you laugh at him because of something stupid; on the contrary, he will bring you to your senses and offer the right solution.

Therefore, in the event of a quarrel, think about whether the offender was your true friend? Of course, it also happens that a comrade commits betrayal due to certain reasons that justify it to some extent. But the person who betrayed will be able to do this again.

What to do if your best friends leave you?

In this case, you should not immediately panic, you need to analyze why this is happening. If you have done something wrong, simply admit it and ask for forgiveness. It also happens that in the bustle of everyday life we forget about old friends. Just like they, in fact, are building their personal lives and careers.

Therefore, before you worry, look at the problem with different eyes, gather your friends. Believe me, you will have many interesting topics for conversation and warm memories.

Revenge is a dish served cold

I hope that none of you are even thinking about taking revenge, but I’ll still say a few words.

Taking revenge on someone for something is as stupid as running after a train that left 5 minutes ago. Is it true!

The bitterness of resentment can be dispelled by going to a concert or sports training. After a couple of weeks, the anger will subside, and after a couple of months (if it was a serious betrayal, usually much faster), you will already remember this as another, albeit not the most pleasant, incident in life.

If your pain is so great that thoughts of revenge do not leave you, then think: maybe your honor and dignity have been hurt. In this case, the best solution would be to talk about the situation with someone close: your parents, a psychologist, or someone you truly trust.

Now in many cities there are free centers where psychologists and psychotherapists are available. And such conversations help in almost 100% of cases.

Reasons why a friend might betray

Treason of principles and agreements. A friend may exchange you for someone else from his circle. Perhaps something has changed in your friendship, you have become uninteresting to him or too intrusive. Or a former friend tried to extract some kind of gain from your relationship, but it didn’t work out. You considered it friendship, but he simply meant it to be a verbal contractual relationship.
Dissatisfaction. A friend was dissatisfied with your behavior or the consequences of the actions taken. If possible, you need to immediately clarify the situation and explain your action. A smart friend will understand and forgive, but a stupid friend will prefer to break off the relationship.
Minor quarrel. A quarrel over trifles indicates that the friendship has not strengthened. This means that you remain in the status of comrades if some trifle can separate you forever. If quarrels often occur between you, there is no hope of strengthening friendly relations. Most likely, you are both too proud and intransigent to accept each other's position.

Broken friendships, like clothes, can be mended.

Which friend can be considered a traitor?

If the phrase “betrayal of a loved one” evokes standard ideas, then betrayal of friends has blurred boundaries. First of all, it depends on your perception of your friend and on what is important to you.

Usually, we encounter betrayal when a friend acts dishonestly. For example:

Spreads gossip behind your back.
Gives away all your secrets to other people.
Looks for the moment when failure overtakes you.
Sets up for money or career.
Turns away at a difficult moment for you.
He cheats regularly.

The worst thing about betrayal is that it cannot be foreseen.

A friend or girlfriend can smile in the face, but plot behind their back. It seems like it's the best of friendships, but it's not. There comes a moment when a loved one reveals their true colors and brings incredible pain into life.

You shouldn’t regard all actions that you don’t like as betrayal. There are moments in life when a person becomes a hostage to a situation and, perhaps, he had to do something different from what you wanted.

You also need to soberly consider cases when a friend tells the truth that you would not want to hear, and you feel hurt - but this is not betrayal. It is necessary to clearly define the scope of this concept and not draw hasty conclusions.

Not a friend, but an enemy: how to survive the betrayal of a loved one

“Why is she doing this to me?” - you ask yourself when you learn about the vile act of your ex-girlfriend. The betrayal of a loved one by those who are always honest with others is not easy to survive, but it is possible. Unfortunately, this situation will remain in your memory for the rest of your life, but over time it will really become easier for you - details will be forgotten, correspondence will be erased and only dry acceptance of the situation will remain. We sincerely hope that this material will help you let go of grievances and stop testing your nerves.

Take the blame away

In answer to the question asked above, we firmly say: you are not to blame for anything. Forget about the words of those who claim that “both sides are always to blame” - this is not true. Life is so unpredictable and multifaceted that what we least expect can easily happen to each of us, even if we behave perfectly. Some “girlfriends” are trying to take away their husbands, others are discussed behind their backs, others want to trip up others at work - and these are just the beginnings. It is important to separate your actions from those of others - you are not responsible for the behavior of a friend who did not have the conscience and upbringing to honestly tell you about her envy and desire to stop communicating. If you just can’t understand this, then the problem lies in your self-esteem - work on it in a psychologist’s office.

while people are discussing you behind your back, you are walking ahead of the gossips

Photo: unsplash.com

Forgive an unhealthy person

When people treat you dishonestly, people, without realizing it, betray not you, but themselves - their moral principles, stain their honor and spoil relationships with those few who sincerely loved them. It seems to them that they are emerging victorious from the situation: yes, they will notice a temporary effect, but after a while they will be overwhelmed with the realization of an unscrupulous act. Believe me, there are no offenders who are not overtaken by this “punishment.” So just feel sorry for the person who didn’t have the strength of character to have a heart-to-heart talk with you, at least out of respect for the common past.

Find new friends

Don’t lose faith in people: all people are good, only some were once offended to the core, so they became angry and are now unable to cope with mental problems on their own. You will still find better friends than before - those who will appreciate your kind heart and spiritual sincerity. To bring this moment closer, go to parties with friends more often, join a sports section, or remember the hobbies of your youth - drawing, dancing, embroidery, etc. People whose friendship begins with mutual interest in each other find it much easier to maintain warm relationships in the future.

look for friends with similar interests

Photo: unsplash.com

Do not hold a grudge against the traitor - awareness will come to him much later, but for now you are only wasting energy on provoking negative emotions. Breathe deeply and live for your own pleasure, because the main person in your life should be you yourself, and not the people around you.

What reaction might occur?

We have already talked about the desire for revenge. Along with this, there are:

Anger and anger. In a state of passion, a person is capable of committing the most terrible crimes. Firstly, this will negatively affect your emotional state and health, and secondly, by harming the offender, you will only make an enemy. Just forget about betrayal.
Hatred. Generates evil.
Resentment. It is known to destroy a person from the inside.

Let's talk a little about betrayal

What to do if your friends betrayed you? In people's understanding, betrayal has different meanings. For some it is deception, for others it is betrayal, and for others it is failure to fulfill your whims and desires. This is, first of all, a violation of trust through some action, a series of actions, or an incorrectly chosen word.

After betrayal, a person begins to delve into himself. Look for the reason for what happened, which, of course, affects self-esteem. He doubts that he is worthy of friendship and respect, since his best friend betrayed him. Feels guilty for what happened. But psychologists advise to first calm down and not look for reasons.

How to trust others after betrayal

This is definitely the million dollar question! A large number of people turn to psychologists with just such a problem. This applies to loved ones, friends, and the whole world in general.

It is very difficult to trust and accept a person again if someone has previously hurt you.

The fact is that disappointments, quarrels and breakups are an integral part of every person’s life. Avoiding them and trying to protect yourself is useless. Such events will still happen.

Another thing is important here: how you will relate to this. And only this will determine your behavior and building relationships in society.

If after every quarrel or breakup, you can’t find a place for yourself and think that life is over: “here they betrayed you again,” “and I knew that this would happen,” etc., then with you from time to time This is exactly what will happen.

But if you decide to change your thinking to a more positive one: “that means this is not my person, it’s okay, there will be many more meetings and acquaintances in my life,” and you need to think this sincerely; then life will throw such events at you less often, and you will meet decent people more often than traitors.

What is betrayal?

Let's turn to the explanatory dictionary. The modern explanation of the word “betrayed” is to break a given oath, not to fulfill one’s promises. Are you being told something that raises doubts, or are you going to trust a friend with your most important secret? In such situations, many automatically ask to swear, not always rationally assessing the degree of seriousness of this act. An oath is a sacred vow and the most serious commitment imaginable. Accordingly, betrayal is the worst sin. Until recently, many countries imposed the death penalty on apostates, traitors to the fatherland, and people who cheated on their spouse. If you believe crime reports, even today a significant percentage of serious crimes are committed with the aim of avenging betrayal.

How to endure betrayal from friends

For any person, the betrayal of a close friend cannot pass without leaving a trace. After this it becomes very difficult to trust anyone. Psychologists in such situations advise:

In cases where the betrayal is not associated with any too serious things, you need to try to understand the motives for such an act. But first, you should admit to yourself that you value this person. If he is your true close friend, then you will cherish him even after the event. Be sure to listen to him. Perhaps he is already repenting. After all, no one is immune from mistakes.
If you have thoughts of revenge, then it is best to abandon it. Revenge will not bring you any relief or satisfaction. Instead, do something nice for your friend. This will have a much better impact. He will have more remorse, and you will have more peace.
If your friend is not even going to repent, then you just need to let the situation go. And mentally thank him for all the good moments experienced together. This strategy will help you quickly recover from betrayal and heal mental wounds.

Whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with the person who betrayed you, only you can decide. You have every right to either continue your communication or completely refuse it.

Girlfriend flirts with my boyfriend

In my first year at the institute, I fell in love with a young man with whom my best friend Alena was in love. They didn’t have anything yet, but Alenka already considered it hers.

He invited me to dance at one of the parties. I agreed, although I knew that my friend had a crush on him. But I believed that there was nothing seditious in one dance.

What started here! Alena threw me into complete hysterics. They never started dating that guy, but I remember that scandal well. She accused me of betrayal, although in the end we made peace.

And we agreed, as it seemed to me, for the rest of our lives: not to fight off each other’s guys.

Now I live with a young man. And it seems to me that Alena is actively making eyes at him! I tell her: how can this be? She replies that nothing like that happened, and it seemed to me. However, “it seemed to me” both the second and third time.

In the end, I broke up with her. And now I'm grieving. How to survive a friend's betrayal?

Tatyana, 25 years old

How to survive?

It's a shame that an agreement was concluded - not to beat off the guys, but one of the partners, it turns out, violated it. Although there are a lot of nuances in this situation.

Maybe the friend really didn’t try to fight off the young man, but simply behaved in accordance with her instinctive feminine program?

Sometimes flirting is just a way to have a good time and doesn't mean anything more. Many women flirt unconsciously, and blaming them for it is useless.

It is important for Tatyana to have a heart-to-heart talk with her friend and find out: does Alena understand how her behavior looks from the outside?

There is also a question about relationships in couples. Stories about betrayal by friends may turn out to be stories about distrust of a partner.

How to regain self-confidence

Often the self-esteem of a person who has experienced betrayal is significantly reduced. And to increase it and restore self-confidence, psychologists suggest the following:

Don't let your emotions drown out your reasoning for a long time. Don't forget to take care of yourself, look after yourself and look after yourself. Review your nutrition system, start playing sports.
Try to protect yourself from the person who betrayed you. After all, sometimes such people can bring a lot of trouble.
Don't give up communicating and meeting with friends. They are the best remedy for healing your spiritual wounds.

And under no circumstances blame yourself for the event that happened. None of your actions can be the reason or justification for betrayal.

How to cope with pain?

No matter how difficult it is, you need to pull yourself together and take a sober look at the current situation. Let's give some practical advice:

Don't isolate yourself.
Don't replay recent events in your head. This is already in the past. Don't look for the guilty.
You shouldn’t torment yourself with questions like why they treated you this way and not differently. In this way, aggression, resentment and bad energy will accumulate, taking away strength and health.
Physical activity is the best way to extinguish bad emotions. Let it be aerobics, running or any other sport. They will help you get rid of negative thoughts.
Throw out bad emotions on paper through painting.
Do not refuse the support of loved ones to whom you can pour out your soul.
If you want to scream and cry, don't hold back.

But under no circumstances take the blame upon yourself. It is important to understand that betrayal is a fairly common occurrence that many have experienced. If the offender wants to meet with you and explain himself, give him the opportunity to apologize. And one more piece of advice - don’t take revenge! This will not solve the problem, but will only make it worse.

Let's figure it out further, what to do if your friends betrayed you?

Friend didn't help with money

My school friend became a fairly wealthy man. And I work in an average job with an average salary. Money issues have never been an obstacle to our friendship.

In any case, my salary allows me to pay for myself in a restaurant, and I have never envied big money.

But one day I needed a large sum for my mother’s treatment abroad. I wanted to borrow from Dmitry, but he said that his principle is not to help with money and not to lend. In the end everything was fine with my mother, but our friendship came to an end.

Mikhail, 42 years old

How to survive?

A classic phrase can be said about such a story: a friend did not help in trouble. We live in a society in which well-known laws apply: do not do evil, do good.

Helping a friend, and even a friend in need, is one of these unspoken cultural norms.

Given the context of the situation, such behavior can be called antisocial. Of course, our world is quite cruel, but there should be warmth and support in it!

It is difficult to survive the betrayal of a friend, but time is always a good doctor.

My friend fired me from her job

For a long time I could not find something to do that I liked and was unemployed. One day, my friend, who manages a fairly large company, suggested: Anya, how about I hire you as my assistant?

According to a friend, she cannot trust anyone, since each of her colleagues is aiming for her chair. And she could trust me as a family member.

I, a stupid woman, agreed. I thought - why not help? And then it began. My friend sent me a barrage of criticism.

Either I sent the documents at the wrong time, then I didn’t answer her call in the middle of the night, or I looked at my colleague with the wrong look. A friend set me some absolutely impossible tasks!

One fine day she told me: “Anya, I’m disappointed in you and have to fire you.” It was like a bolt from the blue!

During my time working in this company, I was forced to refuse two very tempting offers. I didn’t want to quit and betray my friend! And it turned out that she betrayed me.

Anna, 31 years old

How to survive?

Business hierarchical relationships with friends or relatives are always fraught with tension.

Expectations are high on both sides: the boss often expects selfless devotion and sacrifice from his subordinate friend, while the subordinate friend expects concessions and special conditions.

In addition, questions not of friendship, but of status come to the fore: why is she, the boss, commanding me? On what basis does a subordinate behave in a familiar manner?

Both lose! Issues of work, status and hierarchy have destroyed more than one friendship.

Why? Because in close relationships we often dissolve our boundaries, but at work we try to strictly observe them. This results in a dangerous confusion of contexts.