What to do if you are offended? Well, the most obvious answer is to be offended in response, but more strongly! What else? Be silent for a long time, pout your lips, turn away, go into another room, say something offensive in response, cry, complain to your mother, friend, take revenge... However, the field of options is not plowed!
Another question is, will it become easier after this?
After all, whatever one may say, all we do in a state of resentment is to try to get rid of this feeling. We feel bad, it hurts, we burn and vomit, weep, and are afraid of helplessness...
We can try our best to put on a good face when playing poorly , but this will only be external, strained and ostentatious.
The feeling of resentment knows how to penetrate deeply, deeply, under all layers of masks, protections, armor... Where, at any age, our inner child hides, who was actually hurt.
Insults
Most people can often be rude and present others in a bad light. Such situations can occur with people of different ages, from early childhood to adulthood. Not all people can insult and be rude. There are those who simply do not know what to do in such situations. What to do if you are offended? This question concerns everyone who has been insulted at least once in their life. It makes you think about your actions and actions towards other people.
Psychology of personal resentment: how does this feeling arise and what is it fraught with?
The basis of personal negative reactions is considered to be incorrect ideas about the interlocutor, comparison of one’s picture of the world with his worldview.
Over time, each individual develops his own set of ideas about the surrounding space. It’s good if the acceptable behavior patterns of the interlocutors are approximately the same. Disagreements, with a biased assessment, lead to the reaction: “I thought you would do it differently,” “I think your words are wrong.”
The causes of occurrence are conventionally divided into three groups:
- Unconscious manipulation due to inability to forgive. A common cause of grievances according to psychologists.
- Conscious manipulation in order to make the interlocutor feel guilty and then get what he wants.
- Frustrated expectations. If you perceive your picture of the world as the only correct one, then the expectations associated with other people will sooner or later not be met. The reasons can be both significant and trivial. A colleague forgets to give him a lift home (“But I gave him a lift several times! He should have offered me the same!”), a friend from social networks forgot to congratulate him on his birthday (“And I congratulated him. I’ll add him to a special list, then he I’ll deliberately ignore the name day!”) - this is how resentment happens.
If a person is constantly offended, psychology promises him the following consequences:
- loss of communication with others. Not only that, not all friends are ready to feel guilty for someone’s destructive logic when trying to restore relationships. It may happen that the offender will tell others about the conflict, after which they will begin to shun the offended person;
- not everyone is ready to analyze the reasons for the aggressive behavior of another, to guess whether he was offended by something, and if so, then what exactly. Most people just don't care about it. The offended person has to keep the destructive emotion inside, not understanding how to get out of the situation;
- resentment (unexpressed, especially) undermines physical health, as it is directly related to the nervous system. Experiences due to the loss of harmonious communication with loved ones and harm to one’s own interests can affect one’s physical condition.
Why are people rude? What are the reasons for their behavior like this?
In order to understand how to act in such situations, it is important to understand the reasons for the occurrence of such behavior in another person. After all, knowing the reason, you don’t have to take the person’s words seriously. An insult can be immediately responded to beautifully and without developing further conflict. People can be rude and humiliate another person for the following reasons:
- The person is unhappy and cannot fully enjoy himself. In this situation, he may insult others for the reason that he considers himself unhappy. That is, he has nothing to be happy about in life. At the same time, shouting at another helps him feel happy.
- There is no reason to be offended. There are people who simply feed on negative energy, and their screams are a common condition that does not allow them to live in a normal way. He wastes his nerves, his emotions, because he has pain inside.
- By reducing the importance of another person, many people boost their ego. As you know, ego is a state of mind that helps a person feel a personality within himself. But this feeling should be in moderation. Because otherwise, he will simply rise above the other person, picking on him for petty offenses. The important thing to remember here is that everyone has their own shortcomings.
Psychology of resentment
A state of resentment occurs when one person, when communicating, says or commits actions that go beyond what is permissible in the opinion of the other. Characterized by the following conditions:
- hostility;
- irritation;
- mental pain;
- annoyance;
- feeling of betrayal;
- the desire to inflict the same trauma on the interlocutor;
- exclusively subjective assessment of the situation due to blocking of consciousness;
- anger.
In psychology, the basis of resentment is the state after unfulfilled expectations from the interlocutor:
- real - I expected you to keep your promise;
- imaginary - I thought you would act this way and not differently.
The reaction occurs regardless of the nature of the expectations. Then it follows one of the paths: it breaks out or hides inside the personality. The first path in most cases leads to conflicts, the second - to an internal state of emptiness and prolonged coldness towards the offender.
While one of the parties to the conflict is offended, the other feels guilty. If this does not happen, the state of resentment becomes useless. It is impossible to experience a feeling of resentment towards an object that cannot react: animals, unfamiliar, inanimate objects. Those who will definitely avoid remorse and refuse to correct the situation will not cause feelings of resentment. Their words will most likely leave a reaction of anger, annoyance, and insult.
How to deal with grievances?
The reaction to an unpleasant situation depends on the personality type:
- Persons with increased expressiveness, choleric people, active extroverts splash out their emotions on their opponent. The misunderstanding that arises affects relationships, can quarrel, make enemies;
- People of a melancholic nature prefer to keep a negative reaction inside, putting pressure on their opponent’s conscience with hidden levers. The feeling of injustice of the interlocutor causes depression. The conflict may not have a strong negative connotation, but such people can be offended for years, hiding their view of what happened and not trying to correct the situation.
Knowing your personality type, you can predict your own reaction and prepare psychologically. Attempts to foresee how the interlocutor will react to certain words will also help to change the vector of the dialogue in time and avoid conflict.
If an unpleasant situation does occur, you should not keep it inside or vent it on others, seeking justice. This destructive feeling is a subjective assessment, amenable to control and transformation.
Psychology tells us how to deal with resentment: first get rid of the state of resentment, switch, change the point of concentration of attention. Then - learn a lesson from the current situation. Analyze what led to the annoying reaction: unfulfilled expectations, incorrect assessment of the situation, or misunderstanding of the interlocutor.
What should you do if you are offended?
What to do if you are offended? In such a situation, it is important to behave as required by behavior and communication norms. You don't always have to stoop to the same level and offend him with your words and actions. After all, a weak and insecure person insults. There are a lot of such people in life, it is impossible to get rid of them. Therefore, you should not take it seriously and not pay attention to it.
But what if you were seriously offended? What to do in such a situation? There are a large number of cases when you can be rude. A conflict situation may occur, and during it insults will surface. This is perhaps the most common occurrence in life, and it can happen to almost anyone.
Psychosomatics of the emergence of feelings of resentment
This emotion provokes diseases and disruptions in all body systems. The most vulnerable organ may be damaged.
Aggression, as an integral component of any negative reaction, rarely finds a way out in full. Part remains inside until the person gets rid of the memories of the situation, turning his attention to other topics. While inside, an aggressive reaction has a destructive effect on:
- nervous system: headaches, discomfort in the solar plexus area, problems with the spine;
- endocrine system: hormonal balance is disrupted due to anxiety, which provokes other diseases.
Most often, according to psychology, touchy people suffer from heart disease. The heart muscle takes the blow of any experience. Unexpressed or unfinished grievances aggravate chronic diseases and add new ones. For example, gynecological problems, including infertility with an unknown cause, may be associated with misunderstandings between partners. Depression and depressed states often appear. Particularly difficult cases transform accumulated negativity into cancer or suicide attempts.
Timely work on character will help to avoid particularly serious conditions. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin claims: it’s never too late to start building a harmonious personality:
If you are an abuser...
It happens that a person did not want to do this. But, alas, it happened in a fit of strong emotions. Then many become interested in knowing how to behave if you have offended a person? What to do in such a situation? It's easier here. After all, it’s enough just to stop saying nonsense and simply ask for an apology, explaining your impulse that it’s just emotions.
School. What to do if your child is bullied by his peers at school?
Insult is always unpleasant words. They may be addressed to another person. What to do if you are offended? You can act in such a situation in different ways. Depending on the person who is being rude, and on the moment at which the incident occurred.
There are different areas of a person's life that will also differentiate when conflicts and abuse occur. For example, school. This is a place where children of different ages come to study. They spend a lot of time in it, gain knowledge on subjects, and sometimes also life experience.
If a child is bullied at school, what should parents and children do? First of all, it is important to remember that if a child is offended, then only parents should monitor this and stand up for the child. Each person understands the word “offend” differently. Its essence is also conveyed to children in various ways.
Boys are prone to frequent insults; during the game they may say offensive words or commit some action. Your child does not need to be taught that it is necessary to repeat the same movement and say the same words. After all, it often happens to children that after half an hour they are already playing again. And when adults are taught to respond to bad actions with bad deeds, then these scandals will only begin to grow.
Advice for parents of children who are bullied at school
So what should you do if your child is bullied at school? Let's figure it out now. It is important for parents to solve children's problems from a very early age, or rather, to help them cope in difficult situations. Children come from different families, with different abilities and ability to behave. Therefore, it is worth focusing on their education. If a child often begins to hear bad words addressed to him, then over time he will simply withdraw and stop developing as a person, because he will have fear. Unfortunately, this can happen once and for a lifetime. Therefore, from a very early age, it is important to accustom a child to the possibility of aggression from other people and words of insult.
Parents must clearly separate the words and actions of classmates. If these are just verbal insults, then it is important to teach the child to react and respond to them correctly. But it also happens that the matter takes a different turn, namely, the child may be hit. In this case, the parents are simply obliged to stand up for him.
Resentment from a psychological point of view
As psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin notes, this is one of the most common reasons for seeking advice. It happens that a person formulates his problem completely differently, incorrectly building cause-and-effect relationships. During the consultation, it turns out that the cause of the current situation was precisely resentment. Therefore, if you have serious difficulties interacting with others, it is recommended to seek help from a specialist.
The psychology of resentment identifies several types of this feeling:
- Imaginary - based on a conscious desire to manipulate a loved one, to attract his attention. There is an exact calculation: “now I will show that I need to be treated differently, and he will make amends, for example, make a pleasant surprise.” This is often abused by children, thus demanding from their parents what they want;
- Random - occurs when disagreements arise between interlocutors. Instead of a reasoned dispute, a negative reaction appears. The conversation immediately changes direction: attempts begin to make amends, gain forgiveness, a conflict occurs, or communication simply stops;
- With an erroneous vector - for example, parents rewarded a sister with a sweet gift for getting “A’s” in her diary, but her brother was not doing well in his studies, so he was left without a gift. Instead of learning a lesson by improving his grades, the brother begins to take offense at his sister and behaves accordingly towards her. She, despite the lack of guilt, feels remorse;
- Hidden - does not appear externally. There are many reasons for this: a person is not ready to admit to himself that he is experiencing this feeling, he was raised with the attitude “being offended is bad,” he simply does not want to conflict at a particular moment, etc. Sooner or later, the emotion will find a way out. But all the time while it is inside, the person experiences the smallest details of the conflict over and over again, continuing to put a strain on the nervous system.
In psychology, a feeling of resentment is a state of victim, characteristic of most people. But some people rarely get offended for really serious reasons, while others make it their lifestyle. They are ready to look for reasons in everything, and then obediently wait for the world to apologize and have a beneficial effect on their self-esteem.
What to do if your spouse hurt you?
Unfortunately, abuse can happen even within the walls of your own home. This is the feeling that can be caused during a quarrel or scandal. Most often, such aggressive actions can occur between husband and wife. Spouses often argue and allow themselves to say bad words.
If your husband offends you, what should you do in this case? Of course, it is important to understand that if you receive insults, then each person in the couple is to blame. Rarely can a spouse utter words of humiliation to his significant other just like that. Most often, it is an incident that happened that provokes the manifestation of such emotions. Adults should calm down and find a compromise in resolving a conflict dispute. There are some types of cases when the husband seriously offends, and in this case ordinary conversations cannot be done. Here it is worth looking for the reason for this occurrence and solving the problem as quickly as possible.
Why get rid of feelings of resentment?
Touchiness in psychology, if it does not show signs of a conscious bad habit, is, in fact, a subjective assessment of someone else’s life beliefs. Because someone thinks differently and does not live up to expectations, the victim suffers. Responsibility for suffering in most cases lies with her.
Getting rid of the feeling of resentment brings to life:
- calm;
- relief of the soul;
- physical health;
- psycho-emotional well-being;
- inspiration and success.
There is no point in wasting your time on frustration and anger that a loved one or colleague did not do something or did it in their own way. At the first sign of a negative reaction, you need to take control of the situation and get rid of destructive emotions.
In the process of getting rid of it, it will be important to analyze what is happening in order to prevent a recurrence in the future. For example, if a loved one did not give a gift on the occasion of a certain date, you need to figure out why this happened. He forgot? This means that next time it’s worth reminding him in advance, preferably in a gentle form, so that he won’t be offended.
What to do if you offend a man?
It also happens that a woman offends a man. What to do in such a situation? It's a little easier here. The whole reason is that a woman can offend and immediately be able to easily and simply make amends for her guilt. After all, she is full of charm and attractiveness, which she can take advantage of. It’s actually easy to offend a man, especially when you know his weak points and simply cling to them. In the modern world, men are no longer those knights on horses who can stand up for themselves and for the interests of their women.
Folk wisdom
One bad saying has long been rooted in folk art. What do they do with the offended? That's right, they carry water. Although this is only part of the saying. It reads in full like this: “They carry water on the offended, and fire on the offenders.” Sounds quite logical.
Although, it doesn't take much to offend someone. Resentment is a person’s reaction to an external stimulus and is exclusively his problem. Sometimes bullies don't even realize that someone is angry at them. It is rightly said that resentment is the problem of the offended person.
So, let's get back to what they do with the offended. The saying, which has long been heard by everyone, has several versions of its origin.
Advice for people who are offended for no reason
Now you know what to do if you are offended. And here it is important to make key points. First of all, you should be smarter than the one who offends. And this means that sometimes you need to remain silent and ignore a person. Of course, you can’t always give up and remain silent. Because there are situations that do not allow repetition. Then it’s worth responding nicely and clearly to the insult.
You need to remember that the loser is the one who offends. Such people should be pitied. After all, they are unhappy in life, they do not have their own happiness and things to do that would simply distract them from negative thoughts. You can respond to insults with the same actions and words. The person will understand that he is wrong and perhaps apologize for his actions. At the moment of insult, it is necessary to turn off emotions. After all, sometimes they will simply spoil the whole picture and only lead to a negative result. It is important to perceive yourself as an individual, behave like a person and understand that there are people around you who want to live, enjoy every day, raise children and be happy. But they have their own character and behavioral characteristics. Therefore, it is important to treat them the same way as they do.
Version of the origin of the proverb in Peter's times
At the beginning of the 18th century, water was transported using water carriers. This was a respected position that included a horse and cart and other equipment. Water was transported in barrels of different colors, each of them intended for liquid from different sources: for drinking, household needs, and so on. There were tricksters who did not want to travel far and passed off industrial water as suitable for human consumption. And during the drought they even charged for their services.
Peter I was angry when rumors about this reached the imperial court. He issued a law to punish the wicked. Water carriers caught in deception were forced to deliver water all day instead of the horse, which was unharnessed from the cart. If a person fulfilled the requirement, his position was retained and the horse was returned. If not, then he was left without work. Therefore, water carriers were offended by such a decree, but they delivered water. Losing my position was worse. This is how the saying appeared: “They carry water for the offended.”
