How to become a free person? Inner freedom

July 6, 2019
Psychology of thinking
Ivan Gresko

Judging by the reviews, many people do not like being dependent and adapting to someone. On the contrary, almost all people want to be free, independent and do what they want. Therefore, many often wonder how to become free? This is not so easy to do. The fact is that it is difficult to change an already formed thinking stereotype. Nevertheless, this task, according to experts, is quite feasible. You will learn about how to become a free person from this article.

What is freedom?

The right to personally manage your own life is one of the core values. Judging by the reviews, some people believe that a person is free from his very birth. Some believe that an individual becomes free only upon reaching adulthood. There is also a category of people for whom freedom is a privilege only for a certain group. In this case, the division into free and dependent is carried out according to some characteristics, namely social, gender, etc. It is quite difficult to give a monosyllabic definition of the concept of “freedom”. This concept is considered from different positions. For example, social norms, ethics, morality, legislation and philosophy. In general, the concept is generalized and has many interpretations. Most often, freedom means the right of an individual to live and act as he wishes, to be completely independent of outside influence.

I stopped chasing perfection

I am perfectly beautiful and beautifully imperfect, and that is what allows me to be myself.

Perfection is an illusion; it does not exist. I stopped exhausting myself with the pursuit of perfection, and now I strive for “good enough.” I have learned to accept my mistakes as a necessity that accompanies growth and makes me wiser. If I fail at something, it doesn't mean that I'm a failure, I just minded my own business. We either win or we learn. But we never lose.

“Every time you feel better, it’s like a patient recovering. Just do your best under any circumstances and you will avoid self-judgment, self-deprecation and regret." (Miguel Ruiz)

Freedom from an Ethical Perspective

In this case, the individual has the opportunity to express his will. Of course, one should not discard the concept of morality, since by his expression of will he can infringe on the freedom of other people. Actions are limited by a sense of conscience and various moral and ethical nuances. Due to the fact that everyone is responsible to society, absolute freedom is considered a utopia. An individual is considered free if he freely performs actions that do not harm others. In general, if you don’t go to extremes, the right to express your will without obstacles is important for everyone. This explains why many are interested in how to become free. Of course, each of us lives in certain conditions and acts based on the circumstances. If you want, but don’t know, how to become an internally free person, use a few rules, more on which below.

So how did this change happen?

I remember feeling overwhelmed after a long meeting at work and looking for a way to relieve stress and feel better. When I was looking for the movie “The Secret” on YouTube, I accidentally came across another video that hit me right in the heart: Louise Hay’s film “You Can Heal Your Life.”

Today I know that this did not happen by chance, a teacher can only teach someone who is ready to learn. I was so captivated and engrossed in this film that I could not tear myself away. Louise's words were pure magic, every single word went straight to my heart. I finally felt like my home was a place where I felt great: “I love and approve of myself for who I am. I am whole and complete, life loves me.”

Over the next year, I discovered the work of other "enlightened" enthusiasts—Wayne Dyer, Byron Katie, and Don Miguel Ruiz—who drew me into a deep study of the precious influence of self-esteem. This teaching helped me let go of old thought patterns and limited cultural beliefs that were not serving me well.

After much trial and error, applying their advice to my daily life, I gained a new sense of freedom. Here's what I did:

Where to begin?

How to become free? What should you do first for this? Experts recommend analyzing the situation and determining why you cannot be free? There are several factors that make us addicted:

The presence of various fears and complexes. Most often, they make an individual insecure.
Dependence on other people's opinions. Often people live according to stereotypes that are accepted in society.
Financial well-being also plays a big role.
Lack of independence.
Avoiding the fight. As a result, a person cannot act decisively.

In addition, it is very important to always be yourself. Once the reasons that make us dependent have been identified, we should begin to work to eliminate them.

How to resist anger?

We, as beings of reason and free will, must confront our anger rather than control it and eradicate it. How can we achieve this? First of all, being aware of our anger, recognizing the existence of this destructive emotion within us. And then we need to know more about it, how it prevails over us, what are the conditions that help it grow and bring it to power. Why does anger never help solve problems, why do we regret in the end when our actions were caused by anger?

By studying our inner world, we learn more about our internal “enemies” and we can develop more effective strategies to combat them. So

Become self-reliant

According to psychologists, this is the most important rule. The fact is that only that individual who is completely independent in different spheres of life can be internally free. Otherwise, such a person simply goes with the flow, shifting responsibility for his life to others. The reason for this behavior is ignorance. For example, an individual does not perfectly know the laws by which the world around him lives, and is not familiar with his rights and opportunities, which, according to experts, are effective means of gaining freedom. Therefore, you will need to constantly develop, master new skills and abilities.

I stopped making assumptions about what other people feel, want, or think.

I am not them, so there is no way to know what they feel or think.

I stopped playing out imaginary scenarios and letting my mind play tricks on me. Every time I find myself worrying about what other people are doing or saying, I think it's time to get back to reality.

Thanks to Byron Katie's book "Work", I learned to analyze the thoughts that bother me and ask myself: "Is this true?" Many of my assumptions are probably misleading. For example, I may assume that someone doesn't like me when in fact the person is just having a bad day. Or maybe the person is just shy. Always different.

The moment I realize that I cannot recognize someone else's thoughts simply because that person is not me, my mind clears and I can act with an open heart.

“I discovered that the undoubted causes of all the wars and all the truces in my little world were my assumptions.” (Byron Katie)

Do what you love

According to experts, free people try to make their favorite business bring them profit. To do this you just need to love your job. There can be no talk of inner freedom if you treat your work like hard labor. In addition, you are absolutely dependent on your boss or director, who determines the size of your salary.

Thus, while doing something you don’t like, you are financially and psychologically dependent on another person, who sets you the program by which you must live. Undoubtedly, money is very important in our world. However, chasing profit, the individual becomes their hostage. To improve the situation, you don’t have to become a hermit or throw your own financial well-being aside. If you don’t know how to become free and happy, find yourself an activity that would become your permanent source of income or additional income. The main thing is that you work in the area in which you are interested. As a result, you will be filled with only positive emotions.

How to find inner freedom?

The photo shows a still from the movie “Up in the Air.” Ryan Bingham managed to free himself from everything unnecessary in life and become happy, albeit without his beloved.

Inner freedom is a state when, under any circumstances, we choose what is good and suitable for us.
And the mirror of our freedom is relationships with other people. How to free your soul from negativity that limits inner freedom and learn to be happy? Let's talk about this today with Angela Kharitonova, a practical psychologist. I am a serious person, I work, I have a wife and son. In a day I manage to redo so much, change my mind, worry so much that I come home squeezed like a lemon. And here I need to check my son’s lessons, watch the news, I’m worried about everything that’s going on in our country and in the world, prepare for the next working day - my thoughts don’t let me go for a minute. Nowadays, many people talk about inner freedom, joy from life, about hobbies, travel... How can you flutter carelessly and enjoy life in our time, when you literally live according to a schedule, and only allocate 6 hours for sleep? What kind of freedom are we talking about?!

Peter, 43 years old, Tula.

We probably cannot be 100% independent of circumstances, living in society, having a job and a family, but our internal freedom can approach this figure. The question is how much a person needs this freedom. Many people enjoy being dependent on someone, on various circumstances, because then you don’t have to take responsibility for your life, you can complain, suffer, suffer - and life will seem full. But in this case it is filled with negative emotions, stereotypes and dogmas, as if a person is carrying a huge backpack with bricks and is afraid to throw them away because he considers it necessary. What kind of ease and freedom can we talk about here? Inner freedom is when we discard the beliefs that we created 10-20 years ago and live according to the call of our hearts. When we consciously choose emotions and states, do not judge ourselves or others, do not divide people and events into good and bad, when we stop thinking only about ourselves. Many live in a constant desire to “be”, “appear”, “fit in”, which makes them terribly unfree.

Why do we need freedom?

Many people associate freedom with permissiveness. Freedom is not needed for this, but to live your own (not someone else’s!) life, experience inspiration and live creatively, joyfully, in order to be happy and share happiness with others. Imagine the world as a single organism, where each person is a cell that receives nutrition from this large organism and serves it. The world cannot be ideal, but the world, like man, is fairly and correctly structured. If we are free, we can live in unison with this “organism”, take the energy of inspiration from it and do the right things. And feel satisfaction and happiness from this.

How to get rid of negative states

We should not assume that our reaction to events is predetermined and that we have no choice. For example, they tell us something unpleasant - we feel offended or angry, if we lose something - we inevitably worry. And few people know that we can choose our emotions and states, we can give up resentment, anger, etc. These reactions are just a habit. But you can get rid of any habit and form a new one. First, first find for yourself a few life beliefs that will help you relate to people and events differently. Any life events are always necessary for something, always reasonable, we just don’t immediately understand their meaning. Therefore, we should not be disappointed if something did not happen the way we wanted: the plans of the Universe are always wiser than ours. Second, just make a choice in any situation how to react. Even if you have already begun to experience negativity, you have the opportunity to change everything at any second. And when you learn to control your emotions, you will have a special taste for life. You will automatically choose joy, happiness, harmony, gratitude, love and will no longer be able to choose negativity. You will be free from a huge heavy burden.

How to get rid of obsessive thoughts

Negative thoughts immediately drag negative emotions with them. If you thought something bad, your emotions automatically turned on. To prevent this from happening, learn not to take all thoughts seriously. There are important thoughts, there are empty ones, about everything and nothing, and there are harmful ones. Harmful ones usually arise when we put some labels on ourselves, people and events, divide everything into black and white and become unfree in our behavior. Try to be different, expand your range of behavior. Learn not to judge people. No way! It's none of our business, really. Treat events the same way. Any good thing can lead to something bad, and vice versa. Accept life as it comes. Life speaks to us in the language of events, and each one is needed for something. Observe events, study them, learn from them, but don’t judge. By learning to accept everything as it is, you will become even freer.

How to get rid of limiting beliefs

Often limiting beliefs begin with the words “I (shouldn’t)”, “I never/I always”, “I can’t/can’t”, “right/wrong”. Watch your thoughts. Perhaps some of your beliefs are no longer relevant to you for a long time, but you still follow them. Write down your beliefs on paper and analyze them. Replace the word “should” with the word “want”; if that doesn’t work, then it’s time to change your belief! Ask yourself questions: “Is this really true?”, “Always?”, “Could it have been different?”, “When did I have this belief?”, “Is it relevant now?” Re-evaluate your beliefs. And the more beliefs you soften or completely abandon them, the better. This does not mean that you will become irresponsible, just that you will be able to act appropriately to the circumstances. Let me give you an example. A frequently ill child, for whom his parents were worried, hung the label “I have poor health” on himself. And now he is 40 years old, except for acute respiratory infections and flu, he has not suffered from anything, but he is still convinced of his poor health and panics at the slightest runny nose. Or - a guy in adolescence formed the belief “girls don’t like me.” “The guy” is already 35, he is a courageous, handsome man, he has a good job, but his personal life has still not worked out - low self-esteem and distrust of women played a role.

If you give up negative thoughts and emotions and limiting beliefs, you are free! And, believe me, they will definitely be replaced by joy, happiness, inspiration, and love of life.

Free your thoughts

An internally free person differs from an unfree person in his thinking. Such an individual is able to easily control his own thoughts and emotions. If you are a dependent person, but this state of affairs does not suit you at all, start thinking like a free person. To do this, you will definitely need to pay attention to improving your personality. Of course, this internal work requires significant moral effort, and the result will not be visible as quickly as we would like. However, you should not stop there, but move forward. Eventually you will be able to control your mind.

I allow myself to be surprised

Life will give us many gifts if we are open and ready to receive them. To understand how you feel, answer the following questions:

Do you pay attention to coincidences?
What place do you give to surprises in your life?
Do you let surprises get you down? Do you deal with anxiety? Losing control?
Do you give surprises to those you love?

If most of your answers are “no,” think about what you could do right now to expand your horizons, make your life sparkle with new colors and include more unexpected things.

Overcoming internal barriers

According to experts, many people, to one degree or another, have various fears and complexes. The reason for their appearance is past failures. It is noteworthy that they can be both personal and failures that are passed on “inherited”. For example, if your parents did not succeed in something, most likely this insecurity will be passed on to you. Thus, you will already be programmed for failure. Of course, you can leave everything as is. However, this will only be your first barrier on the path to inner freedom and independence. Therefore, it is better to leave the negative experience behind and try to improve the situation.

Limiting factors

Often the desire to gain freedom is not enough. This requires a tremendous amount of work on yourself. Man has been given a great gift - inner freedom, the level of which is different for everyone. And this gift can be developed. But on the way, in fact, there are many obstacles and obstacles. We are being hindered by:

Moral standards that are invented and imposed by someone.
Features of education. Each person was given certain complexes in childhood. Some people have very little, while others get it in full. Most of the complexes were planted in us by our loved ones, our parents. And often strict parental forbidden words accompany you until the end of your days. For such people, when they become parents, it is important to “inherit” the same prohibitions to their children. At the same time, all boundaries of personal space are violated due to the fear of not being like everyone else. Yes there may be exceptions. Someone still decides to break the rules and resist the recommendations and advice of the older generation. However, this freedom is obtained in conditions of growing tension and complete misunderstanding.
Childhood traumas of a psychological nature prevent one from enjoying complete freedom, emerging and affecting the quality of life in adulthood.
The traditions of a family or clan are often very difficult to break. After all, this could threaten a complete break in the relationship.
Artificially created restrictions on freedom. This has to do with ideological persons.
Comparisons with others, often not to one's advantage, prevent one from living calmly, being happy and free.

Read our article “Who is Aleister Crowley?”

Be honest with yourself

Undoubtedly, it will not be superfluous to sometimes listen to the opinions of other people. However, this must be done consciously. Even though you will receive good advice from your parents and friends, do not forget that you have your own life, and therefore you have the right to manage it at your own discretion. This is where your freedom as an individual will manifest itself. Before you become free and begin to defend your personal opinion, you need to first develop it. Otherwise, your rebellious spirit will look ridiculous.

I stopped worrying about the future

I accept that there are things in life that I cannot control, no matter how much effort I put in. Every time I find myself worrying, I tell myself, “Time will tell.”

I may not always get what I want, but I know that I always get what I need. I trust the flow of life and want to believe that we live in an intelligent Universe where everything works out perfectly. Sometimes in life you have to wait.

"Easy life. Everything happens to you, and does not come from you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, not too early and not too late. You don’t like it…you do things just to make yourself feel better.” (Byron Katie)

An idea that unites different traditions

Sufis say that one clear moment is enough. The Zen tradition asks the question, “What is missing at this very moment?” Jesus spoke a lot about a kingdom of wholeness and perfection. Modern Hindu teachers such as Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj and Papaji invite us to be calm and rest in the consciousness of 'I am'. "Sailor" Bob Adamson, an Australian disciple of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, asks the probing question: "What's wrong with you now that you're not thinking about it?"

Thinking can get in the way, agrees Paul Roach. Thinking is memories from the past and projected ideas about the future. As we know, reasoning articulates and then reinforces a linear view of reality based on the idea that the self moves through time. This sense of self, often called “ego,” is very conventional—it is not our reality.

And yet we often try to rely on it to find this very reality. We think that if we work hard enough or diligently and let go long enough, we will find a moment outside of time and find freedom.