But what if this feeling accompanies a person systematically, in some cases - constantly?
OCD
The clinical picture of obsessive-compulsive disorder consists of obsessive thoughts and actions that arise regardless of the person’s will. They cause a lot of inconvenience, sometimes completely disrupting the normal existence of an individual. The patient tries to eradicate annoying thoughts through obsessive actions, ultimately forming a vicious circle.
Along the way, there are 3 forms of the disorder :
- episodic – occurs once, but lasts from several weeks to several years;
- chronic – constant course, with exacerbations and remissions;
- progressive – with increasing symptoms.
The disorder is characterized by the constant presence of stubborn thoughts that provoke anxiety. They are followed by mastering actions - rituals designed to reduce the anxiety coefficient. They bring relief for a few minutes, and it seems that the anxiety has gone away. This feeling is deceptive, since obsessions soon return. The patient again begins to feel insurmountable torment against his will.
People with OCD suffer greatly from their persistent thoughts and try to resist them, which is unsuccessful. A classic example is a situation where a person is constantly overwhelmed by thoughts about the possibility of contracting a terrible infection. Fearing this, the individual looks for ways to avoid such a fate: he washes his hands often, wipes door handles with antibacterial wipes. Wears a mask in crowded places. Vegetables and fruits are washed with soap and water, very carefully, greens are washed on each sheet.
The disorder manifests itself in several variations:
- the presence of exclusively obsessive thoughts - obsessions;
- the presence of exclusively obsessive actions - compulsions;
- mixed option.
With OCD, the patient must have at least one obsession. He realizes that the exciting impulse is his own, not inspired from the outside. Annoying thoughts and actions are unpleasant in nature - this is an important sign of a disorder.
Compulsions are draining. After performing the ritual, the patient feels exhausted. In the case when repeated actions do not become exhausting or painful for their carriers, OCD is excluded.
Obsessions take at least an hour a day from a person. In other cases, they are so disorganizing that the individual loses the opportunity to engage in professional activities, abandons his studies, stops communicating with friends, and turns into a social phobe.
Obsessions are persistent and repetitive. The patient understands their absurdity, tries to ignore them, replace them with other thoughts, provoking the progression of the process.
Mikhail, 26 years old. Since childhood, there was an unfavorable situation in the family: parents often quarreled, the father physically abused the mother. The boy was constantly afraid of doing something wrong, which is why he had to check what he had done several times.
His disorder first appeared in 3rd grade. There was an annoying, exhausting urge to perform any action four times: wash your hands, pull the door when checking a locked apartment. Leaving the home, he returned several times, checking whether he had turned off the appliances and water.
The guy realized the painfulness of the situation. Meanwhile, the disease progressed. The rituals took more and more time. Having folded his briefcase in front of school, Mikhail then double-checked several times that he had put everything in it. He placed objects on the table and desk in a certain sequence. It was necessary to touch each one several times. Along the road I followed a certain trajectory. Having passed a certain section, I turned around to check if I had dropped anything.
Children at school laughed at him for his strange behavior, which is why the boy soon began to avoid people.
The usual age of the disease is 10-30 years. There are no more restrictive frameworks for the manifestation of the disease. Obsessive-compulsive disorder occurs regardless of social status, economic level, gender and race. A certain problem is the fact that patients seek help in a rather advanced state. It takes 5 or more years from the onset of the disease before the patient consults a specialist.
Give free rein to feelings
Trying to completely lock yourself in a cocoon of experiences will be wrong. Since fixation on a man is in itself a powerful source of energy, it needs to be released with the same force. Concentrated feelings of pain, resentment and even anger should be released. The best way to do this is through tears, screams and even hysterics. Moreover, this must be done intentionally and regularly. This outburst of emotions is necessary to make room inside for new feelings and sensations.
If you are fixated on a man and feel only bright emotions towards him, this is a reason to look for negative aspects associated with him. They will definitely be found and they need to be emphasized, as well as pleasant moments, because of which there is a feeling of loss of one’s happiness.
Where does OCD come from?
Several hypotheses have been put forward regarding the cause of the disorder. Neurophysiologists believe that excessive reuptake of serotonin in synapses, limiting the amount of neurotransmitter, reduces the degree of conduction of nerve impulses, which may be the cause of the disease. This theory is confirmed by the positive effect of taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, which reduce the amount of the mediator during reuptake.
The theory of PANDAS syndrome is interesting. Its apologists believe that the formation of OCD is influenced by streptococcal infection. Once in the body, streptococcus provokes the release of antibodies, which, in addition to pathogenic organisms, affect its own cells, in particular the basal ganglia.
A connection has been established between the disorder and certain brain diseases:
- demyelinating diseases (multiple sclerosis) – among such patients, OCD occurs in 16% of cases;
- vascular lesions of the brain (stroke), although there are cases where OCD receded after a stroke;
- Parkinson's disease and other extrapyramidal disorders;
- epilepsy.
The disease can occur in parallel with another mental disorder: depression, bipolar disorder, anorexia, or act as a symptom within an existing disease, for example, schizophrenia.
OCD is more likely to be associated with exposure to stress factors: a powerful sudden shock, experienced psychological trauma, or chronic stress.
Character traits play a role. The following personality traits predispose to the development of OCD:
- low, high self-esteem;
- selfishness;
- tendency to self-flagellation;
- desire for dominance;
- constant doubt on any issue, long thoughts, hesitation before a decision is made.
The risk of illness is high when a person mentally constantly returns to traumatic memories and fixes attention on them.
Selfishness
Desire for benefit, exaltation of one's needs, impatience with inconvenience, reluctance to share, give in, etc. - selfishness? - He is. But where does self-love come in? Such people may not feel guilty about themselves or others, they can completely accept themselves as they are, but the most important thing they miss is respecting other people’s boundaries. You must not only be able to protect your boundaries, but also respect the boundaries of other people, otherwise a person provokes quarrels, conflicts, feuds and wars, from which he himself suffers. Making your life more difficult by infringing on the rights of others is a clear sign of self-dislike.
Signs of egoists
- They live in full confidence that everyone owes them.
- They do not take into account the feelings, needs and desires of other people.
- Their interests come first.
- They can cause pain and suffering to another if it is beneficial for them.
- Does not accept criticism.
- Reacts painfully to being denied something.
- Others and circumstances are always to blame, but never themselves.
- Heightened self-esteem.
- They respond well to flattery and compliments.
- They often try to shift their responsibilities to others and travel at someone else’s expense.
Through true, sincere self-love, a person begins to realize not only the value of his life, but life in principle.
And not only human, but all living things on Earth. Sympathy, compassion, and understanding awaken in him. A sense of integrity and connection between people. Those who love themselves will never intentionally cause evil and harm to other people in order to satisfy their ambitions or some base needs. After all, they understand that it is better to live among happy, contented and prosperous fellow citizens. Live in conditions where everything is in order and everything is O'key for everyone. I hope I was able to dispel the doubts of those who are afraid to take the path of self-love, thinking that because of this they will have to change for the worse, begin to conflict and lose relationships with people.
Yes, of course, changes will begin to enter your life. Yes, most likely, your surroundings will change, but over time, you will look around and realize that there are still those around who really love you and who mutually need you. You will feel that life as a whole has improved, and that all the pain you had to go through to get there was not in vain, unlike the suffering that you now experience every day due to living someone else's life.
If you want to change your life and need help, order a consultation. If you find the material useful, then share it with your friends (buttons below). That's all I have for today.
Love to all!
Obsessions
Obsessions are born regardless of a person’s desire, appear suddenly, and it doesn’t matter what the patient is doing at the moment. They usually express thoughts about danger, harm, risk.
It’s difficult to get rid of “impudent” thoughts. They are difficult to control. By focusing on obsessions, the patient’s emotional state worsens. Anxiety increases, fear appears, depression and apathy develop. Patients become irritable. They are overtaken by a feeling of despair and powerlessness: well aware of the absurdity of the thoughts being born, they cannot cope with them.
The patient is depressed, self-doubt arises, and self-esteem decreases.
Emotional disturbances entail physiological disruption in the body. Physiological symptoms of the disorder are expressed as:
- headache, dizziness;
- tachycardia, shortness of breath;
- nausea;
- fainting;
- hyperhidrosis;
- digestive disorders;
- increased urination;
- pallor or hyperemia of the skin.
According to the mechanism of occurrence, obsessions are divided into elementary and cryptogenic.
Elementary obsessions are born immediately after the action of the defining impulse. Their reason is known. A doctor, in a conversation with a patient with hypertension, described a stroke as a delayed prospect. The patient was so impressed by the news that he now suffers from the nagging thought that he will soon suffer a stroke and die.
Cryptogenic obsessions arise suddenly and, as the patient believes, have no apparent cause. That is, it is unknown what could have caused the impudent thought. In fact, there is a reason, it is only unconsciously ignored by the patient.
Despite the persistence of emerging ideas, a person tries to fight them. The struggle takes place in two ways: active, passive. During an active battle, there is a confrontation with insidious thoughts: a person is afraid to fly on an airplane, but stubbornly chooses this type of transport for travel. The passive way is an attempt to switch attention to other objects. Avoiding unwanted thoughts. Safe behavior: if you are afraid of trains, do not ride the train.
How to fill life without your beloved man?
The next step will be practical activities aimed at changing lifestyle or habits. How not to get hung up on a man if all your attention is focused only on him for a long time? These thoughts can be crowded out by specific regular activities, work, hobbies, hobbies, and spending leisure time with the same friends. During this period, you cannot stay in a confined space without any distracting ways to spend your time. If such classes have never happened before, this is a great reason to start them. A busy life with all its worries and tasks will help take attention away from your lover.
Manifestations of obsessions
Obsessions are expressed in various obsessive forms.
Actually, obsessive thoughts are single words, phrases, sentences, songs, poetic expressions of a negative nature that irritate and interfere with the patient.
- Impulses . A strong desire to commit an indecent act: while sitting at a meeting, an irresistible urge to yell at employees arises. Arriving at a restaurant, you suddenly want to hit the waiter. The urge to harm loved ones is considered common. There is a fear that the impulse will come true. In reality, persistent desires remain unfulfilled.
- Images . Unflattering scenes appear intrusively in a vivid form before a person’s eyes without his desire. Example: a man systematically has a picture of his friend being hit by a car popping up before his eyes.
- Doubts . They pop up against the background of an already accomplished event: did you lock the door, did you turn off the iron. A man, having worked his last working day, goes straight from work to the station. Here he will take the train and go to the sanatorium, where he will spend his vacation. On the way to the station, he begins to be tormented by doubts about whether he set the office alarm. I arrived at the station just as the train was leaving and had no opportunity to return and check the office. On the way to the sanatorium, the poor man already had a chain of tragic events: the office is located in a presentable area, in the city center. It has a convenient location, a balcony from which it is easy to get inside. There is a safe in the office. Surely the robbers found out that he was going on vacation, the office would be empty. For professionals, choosing a code for a safe is very simple. In the sanatorium he thinks only about work. Every day he checks the news to see if there are any reports of theft. Calls a colleague to find out how work is going. Exhausted by doubts, he returns from vacation ahead of schedule. On the road, the closer the patient gets to the house, the more anxiety and fear gripped him.
- Aggressive obsessions . Or contrasting thoughts relate to an unreasonable feeling of hatred towards relatives, towards any other person, object. Such antipathy is not supported by anything, it arises out of the blue. Patients do their best to drive away such feelings, understanding their irrationality. Example: the flaring up of negative feelings in a priest towards the saints. Aggressive obsessions are accompanied by a strong emotional outburst. There is a tireless desire to spoil any line with an unpleasant addition, to shout obscene, immoral phrases.
Imagery obsessions are classified as a separate group . These include obsessive thoughts and memories.
Intrusive thoughts are expressed in a long internal monologue on meaningless topics. A long chain of conclusions is born in the head, which does not lead to productive conclusions.
Such thoughts are so stupid that they are called “mental chewing gum”!
Fruitless obsessive reasoning within oneself is comparable to reasoning. The main difference is the patient’s critical attitude to his reasoning during obsessions.
A woman, walking down the street, thinks: who will I meet first among the passers-by, will it be a man or a woman? If a woman, what kind of haircut or long hair? Perhaps the first I will see is a man. Which direction will he go from? Such a series of questions/answers can continue for a long time in the patient’s head. Useless reasoning prevents you from focusing on significant events.
Intrusive memories force a person to systematically return mentally to a specific, already accomplished event that is insignificant or unpleasant.
Features of female love affection
First, it’s worth understanding why this problem may be more acute for women than for representatives of the stronger half of humanity. The difference lies in the very mechanics of the formation of love. For men, this process happens faster, easier and simpler, since they take everything into their own hands, like conquerors. In addition, the male sex, as is known, “loves with his eyes,” so feelings for his beloved usually do not have a tight connection in the early stages. Accordingly, it is easier for them to let go of the object of love.
In the case of women, the process of forming feelings is more complex and multifaceted. They feel their partner more subtly, trying to evaluate him by his internal qualities and actions. Therefore, the value of the feeling that arises also increases. And if a woman is fixated on a man, then parting with an attachment that has developed for so long and difficultly will be much more difficult. That is why, at the first signs of a feeling of hopelessness in a love story, it is recommended to immediately begin working on the natural destruction of the slightest dreams about the partner you like.
Distinctive features of obsessions
Obsessions born in the patient’s mind are endowed with the following distinctive features:
- arise involuntarily, against the will of the patient;
- presence of clear consciousness;
- thoughts do not disappear under the volitional influence of a person;
- have no connection with the individual’s thinking, being born detached;
- have a close connection with the emotional background;
- do not affect the logic of thinking, do not distort the intellectual level;
- maintaining criticism of obsessions.
The emotional turmoil of obsessive-compulsive disorder is so intense that it can cause problems with perception. Tactile, gustatory, and olfactory hallucinations often occur. In severe cases, illusions and visual hallucinations occur.
Long-term, deep obsessions can modify personality traits. A person becomes suspicious, indecisive, and fears everything. Self-doubt and shyness appear.
What is selfishness
Let's define this concept.
Self-love is a person’s fixation on his own convenience and comfort in everything. We are talking about both physical comfort and psychological or emotional comfort. A selfish person puts personal needs and problems above the needs and problems of other people. He does not take into account their interests and feelings, and is indifferent to other people's lives.
No matter how strange it may seem, selfishness and selfishness are based on dislike. True, in the first case we are talking about a person’s dislike for himself, and in the second it is an inability to love at all. Although both are interconnected.
The theory of E. Fromm immediately comes to mind. He believed that love depends on the ability and ability to love, and not on some object. That is, if a person knows how to love, then this applies to him and to other people. In principle, at the beginning of the article we indicated that selfishness is another name for selfishness. In most cases, the slight difference we just outlined is missed.
Interesting! In Orthodoxy, self-love refers to sins. This concept is considered in a broader sense - as a complex of negative characteristics. It includes selfishness, pride, stubbornness, envy, commercialism, and self-interest.
Compulsions
Compulsive disorder refers to obsessive actions and rituals, as well as mental acts. Such manipulations are so persistent that the patient is confident that he is obliged to perform them. The purpose of compulsions is to reduce the anxiety generated by obsessions.
After performing the rituals, the patient feels better for a while, but soon the impulses resume. If he does not commit a compulsion, he feels depressed. It is necessary to repeat the ritual in a certain sequence, a fixed number of times. The interrupted action begins again, always being completed.
The girl noted that if she ignores performing the compulsion in an appropriate manner, she feels dirty. On such a day, she is deprived of the opportunity to do important things, even just work.
As a result of non-fulfillment of compulsions, anxiety increases until the rituals are finally performed. Criticism towards “impudent” impulses remains. There is an understanding of the futility of what was done, but it is impossible to refuse obsessive actions. Patients carefully hide their inclinations from others.
Compulsive actions often result from obsessions, especially if the latter act as phobias. Intrusive fears are the most alarming group of obsessions, inevitably accompanied by physiological symptoms.
Common phobias:
- pollution – mysophobia;
- contract a fatal disease - nosophobia. Most often develop due to AIDS, stroke, heart attack, cancer, syphilis;
- fear of fear - phobophobia;
- fear of everything - panphobia;
- death – thanatophobia;
- open spaces - claustrophobia;
- pain – algophobia;
- fear of blushing – ereytophobia;
- darkness – nyctophobia;
- stuffiness – clitrophobia;
- fear of lying – mythophobia;
- fear of increasing speed – siderodromophobia;
- Confidence in imaginary ugliness - dysmorphophobia.
Other annoying urges are associated with magical thinking. The patient believes that trouble will happen to his loved ones if he does not snap his fingers the prescribed number of times, go around cracks in the asphalt, or turn around on his own axis.
Compulsive acts can occur in isolation, independent of intrusive thoughts. Habitual obsessive acts include:
- cleansing from contamination - washing hands, wiping surfaces. Sometimes they become extremely absurd - the patient wipes tables with alcohol to kill germs or washes in the shower for 2-3 hours several times a day;
- check to dispel doubts - before leaving the house, the man checked the gas stove 30 times;
- counting in different variations - reproducing any actions a certain number of times (when passing a wall, you need to touch it 4 times). Obsessive counting to a set number. Girl, 20 years old. Seeing a piece of paper, the patient is visited by an obsessive impulse: to tear the paper into small pieces. First, the girl tears the sheet into 3 parts. Then each part into 3 more parts. This continues until the paper is torn into tiny particles, the number of which is a multiple of 3. At work, where the girl cannot afford to tear the paper, she runs her tongue across the roof of her mouth 3 times or in a multiple of 3. The patient explains that 3 for her the magic number is that she had three suitors, each of whom left her and married another;
- arranging items - laying out clothes in a fixed pattern, arranging items on the table.
Compulsions can develop on a wide variety of topics: a girl, going out into the street, always said goodbye to the house, believing that otherwise he would be offended.
I looked in the mirror until I was finally satisfied with my image. She apologized to the walls when she touched them. One patient may have a combination of different numbers of obsessions and compulsions. The disorder may debut with one obsession, gradually acquiring others.
The girl’s OCD manifested itself at the age of 16 with an annoying urge to tap objects before leaving the apartment. Then the patient began to step over cracks in the asphalt. She rearranged objects, changed their places until they fell into place. I determined the place for the item intuitively.
Training the “optimism muscle”: two practices
Seligman believes that forgiveness and gratitude significantly increase your "happiness quotient" and suggests two practices that can help develop optimism.
Practice 1. Gratitude journal
Every evening we write down events that evoke a feeling of gratitude: a colleague helped solve a problem, a neighbor treated him to a pie, his son hugged him tightly, a dog licked his nose (and more than once). Psychologists have found that if you keep a gratitude diary for two weeks, your life satisfaction scores skyrocket. What if you made journaling a daily practice?
