How a guy can become brave and decisive: advice from professional psychologists

• Why do you need to make decisions?
• A wrestler and an ordinary person - what's the difference?
• You solve your problem
• Bottom line

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One of the qualities that is necessarily attributed to the male sex is determination. A man must be decisive, fearless, active. This woman is allowed tears, fears and doubts. And a man in any situation must be brave and decisive. How to become one, the men's site masculino.ru will tell you.

Let's start with the reason why many men (and women) are afraid to be decisive. When a person makes a decision, he takes responsibility for all its consequences. Whether he acts to implement his decision or forces other people to implement his ideas, the responsibility still lies with the one who made this decision. And responsibility is:

1. The ability to accept not only successes, but also failures.
2. The ability to admit your mistakes and correct them yourself.
3. Willingness to be responsible for any consequences, whatever they may be.
4. Do not run away in a situation when the question arises who is to blame for what happened.

A decisive person is a person who is not afraid to take responsibility for the consequences of his decisions. Thus, you need to start being bold in order not only to put forward some ideas, but also to recognize your involvement in their implementation and achieving certain results.

Why do you need to make decisions?

How often does a person face the need to make a specific decision? Perhaps a person constantly has to make a choice in one direction or another, depriving himself of some privileges on the other side. This process can be called “going to extremes,” which is sometimes necessary to solve a problem. And yet, you don’t always want to lose something for the sake of something else. How can I do that?

There is no need to go to extremes. Why choose between two things that matter to you? Choose the option that will accommodate both the first and the second. For example, why choose an intelligent woman or a passionate lover if you can find a contender who combines both intelligence and passion? It is such a clear decision, when you agree to an option with all the components that are important to you, that sets the mechanism of determination in motion.

Make a decision for yourself! When you take a stand (want it, strive for it, need it, fight for it), then you stand on your own two feet. You cannot be convinced, you cannot be manipulated. You are calm, active, determined and focused. Everything else just gets out of the way. Why? Because you have decided: you see a clear picture of why you are taking certain actions.

Why is this good? To many. First, you are capable of achieving exactly what you want. From the moment you clearly define your goal, all your actions are directed in one direction - towards achieving the goal. Secondly, you stop asking fate and other people. You begin to face the fact. And you can’t refuse a person if he doesn’t ask!

When a person makes a clear decision for himself, he becomes calm, balanced and purposeful. Until a person has made up his mind, he rushes about, gets nervous, rushes from one extreme to another, where he doesn’t like either one or the other. His position is shaky. He can be persuaded or led away from the path of achieving the goal. He doubts because he has not yet understood whether he needs something or not. Because of this position, many relationships are destroyed! When a person has not determined for himself how serious and important a relationship with another individual is for him, he can be led away or deprived of happiness in this relationship.

Connection

Do you think these three personality traits are related? Think about it.

All psychologists will tell you that without courage and self-confidence you will not become decisive. The same goes for other character traits.

Therefore, if you are thinking about how to become decisive, then try to develop self-confidence and fight your fears. When you begin to achieve success in this, determination will come by itself. You will simply know what you have the strength for and what you don’t.

And remember that no one but you can motivate you to complete tasks and achieve goals. Don’t set yourself the “I must” attitude. Explain to yourself why you are doing unpleasant tasks for yourself. Never go off course. If you are rested, take a break and continue working on yourself.

A wrestler and an ordinary person - what's the difference?

A wrestler acts regardless of the circumstances and what he is told. This behavior is significantly different from the actions of the average person, who acts depending on what he sees or what information he receives.

An ordinary person does not trust in return those who do not trust him, but a wrestler simply acts in such a way as to regain and restore trust in himself.

An ordinary person does not trust absolutely all people, even those who have never deceived him, but a wrestler does not trust only those who have already deceived him, and believes those who have not yet failed him.

An ordinary person is accustomed to reacting: depending on the circumstances and how others behave, he behaves accordingly. They shout at him - he shouts, they deceive him - he deceives. The wrestler does not react to circumstances and other factors of the outside world. He sets a goal for himself, and he “transforms” everything that happens in the outside world so that it helps him and benefits him. If he wants to solve a problem, he doesn't yell when people yell at him. If he wants to be with his beloved, he always stays close and acts as if she loves him. He does not attach importance to his primitive reactions. He sees only the goal he wants to achieve and uses the circumstances that arise so that they help him achieve what he wants. In other words, an ordinary person submits to current events by simply reacting to them, and a fighter implements his plans, using current circumstances to his advantage, no matter how good or bad they may be.

For example, an ordinary person cries when someone leaves him, but a fighter (if he wants to continue the relationship) stops the person leaving, solves problems or asks for forgiveness (hurting his pride, which an ordinary person will not do).

Be fighters. There is no need to submit to current circumstances. Better set goals for yourself and implement them. And use everything that happens around you for your benefit, make sure that even the worst events in life help you achieve success. Achieve your goals no matter what happens. Choose: to be an ordinary person who achieves what he wants, if chance allows, or to be a fighter who will definitely achieve his goal, and “twists” current events in his own way so that they do not interfere, but help him achieve what he wants?

Developing the best character traits in ourselves

So, how to become brave and decisive? What will help us with this?

The simplest thing that can be advised is to always be exactly like that, regardless of the situation. But it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Is it true? When we find ourselves in situations that cause us fear or apprehension, we cannot overcome ourselves and turn on confidence. These character traits are good, but only when they are 100% developed in us. Only then can we use them in all cases.

Instead of sitting at home and thinking about how to become more determined, try to understand yourself and each trait separately.

We call courage the quality that allows us to forget about fear and act in accordance with the plan. For example, our friend is drowning, and we are afraid of water. A brave person will cast aside all fears and help a friend.

Decisiveness is considered to be the most categorical behavior that allows you to achieve what you need. Such people are able to make an informed decision in any situation. What example can we give? If a determined person sets himself the goal of getting a promotion before the end of the year, then he will achieve it. And he will agree to any (correct, in his opinion) action: work 18 hours or go on a hated business trip.

And confident people believe in themselves, they know that they have enough strength to pass all the tests and get what they cherish.

Knowing what courage, determination and confidence are, we can now understand how to instill these qualities in ourselves. It should be noted that if a person has all three character traits, then we can assume that his life will turn out in the best way.

You solve your problem

For some reason, when another person says “Decide for yourself... Choose for yourself,” this is often perceived as weakness. But if you think about it, the weak person is not the person who does not want to decide for you what to do and how to live, but you yourself, expecting that everything will be done for you.

It's a matter of responsibility. You ask for advice, and the other person gives his opinion, adding: “But it’s up to you. Do as you see fit." Anyone who is not afraid to take responsibility will make a decision and thank the interlocutor for his opinion. Anyone who is accustomed to shifting responsibility to other people will be offended because he was not given advice and was forced to take responsibility for making a decision, perceiving the interlocutor’s position as weakness.

But the interlocutor’s position is correct. This is your problem, so only you can decide how to get out of it. Another person can only express his opinion, but only you will decide.

Only then will a person become responsible when other people stop doing what he himself should do. You need to decide and act for yourself. This makes a person responsible for his decisions and actions.

But if you advise, indicate, do the work that other people should do, then through your actions you yourself will develop irresponsibility in them. Why should they be responsible if you decide and do everything instead of them?

Let people decide for themselves those issues that affect them personally. You deal only with those problems that concern you personally. And don’t delve into other questions and don’t get involved - they are not yours. Put yourself in a position where you can express your opinion if you are asked to do so, but the final decision will be made by the person himself, who will be responsible for the consequences that will follow as a result of his actions. There is no need to take responsibility for someone else's life in which you have no control. It's up to you to solve your problem. Let other problems be solved only by the people who create them.

Modern people think less and less about making decisions themselves and getting out of their problems. As soon as some difficulty arises, a person runs headlong to find friends, advisers and “helpers.” A person no longer thinks, but reacts. This is facilitated by the emotions to which a person usually succumbs, and by the habits that he has developed in himself. But you can stop for a minute and think about whether you are able to solve your problems yourself, rather than asking for advice.

People think they are strong. But their behavior in a stressful situation suggests the opposite. A strong person solves his problems himself, only in the absence of some important information or resources turning to others for help. Most of the people who make up the “weak chain of humanity,” when faced with a problem, run to look for helpers who will solve all their problems. How strong is a person who cannot solve his problems himself?

All decisions that are made in a crowd are not always correct. Moreover, if these decisions were made under the influence of emotions, then these decisions are definitely wrong. The fact is that a person, being in a crowd, loses his individuality. The crowd accepts him as part of themselves, and not as a separate person. If a person does not think like the crowd, then the crowd does not need him. Only a person’s willingness to merge with the “general mind” of the crowd allows him to become part of it. On the other hand, all this is supported by emotions. A person is pressured by a feeling of guilt, duty, belonging, etc. He stops thinking about the problem, and focuses on his experiences and fears. What kind of reasonable decision can we talk about when a person does not think, but obeys the crowd and his own emotions?

Make a decision yourself or ask for advice? Here again you should think about how much you alone decide the course of development of your life. Of course, you cannot live alone. Even in a family, partners have to give in on something, obey somewhere and not realize all their ideas and desires. But if we are talking about a crowd, which includes friends, employees, bosses, society as a whole (and not your spouse and children), then here you have every right to independently solve all your questions and problems. Even your parents, to some extent, can become the crowd that should not make decisions for you.

In a crowd it is impossible to make your own decision. To one degree or another, you are subject to the will of other people. They pressure you with morals, their beliefs, emotions and resentment. This naturally forces you to abandon your personal decision and consider other options that are already beneficial to other people. How correct is the decision that is not made by you, but which should solve your problem? If the difficulty concerns only you, then dare to make the sole decision on how to get out of it. But if the problem concerns other people, then you will have to compromise, since it is a common problem and should be solved by everyone who participated in its creation.

How to become bolder?

We have already figured out that courage allows us to forget about fears in order to achieve some goal. It may be large-scale or small-scale, but it does not change the essence.

Deal with what you are afraid of. It should be noted that all fears are born in our heads. Let's return to the situation that your friend is drowning. A person who does not have courage will first assess the distance from the shore and think: “What if I start to drown...”. It just takes time. It’s better to look around, maybe there’s a boat somewhere, or maybe you took swimming gear with you. All brave people may lack self-confidence, but they are determined and know how to take risks. They try not to think “What if.”

Now look around. How often do your fears come true? Why are you afraid of public speaking or the spider that crawled into your apartment? If you are thinking about how to become decisive, then work on your courage first!

Unfortunately, a rich imagination can make us stop in most cases. But think about the consequences. What happens if you refuse to perform? The boss will understand you, but you won’t get career growth. And if you are so afraid of spiders, then imagine - if you don’t get rid of one, where is the guarantee that a whole brood will not appear? Be courageous in assessing the situation judiciously. Think not about what will happen if you don’t succeed, but about what will happen if you don’t try and don’t do it.

What psychologists say

• Most often, self-doubt can go back to childhood. Perhaps, in your youth or junior school years, someone instilled this quality in you - teachers, peers, or even relatives. It is important to realize that you are now an adult, and all those situations are in the past.
• It is much worse if there are people in your life now who develop certain complexes in you. You need to avoid communicating with such individuals in every possible way, and if possible, completely exclude contact with them (unless we are talking about a family member).
• Try to communicate more often with those who inspire you with confidence and belief in yourself. Notice which people your mood rises in the company of, and initiate contact with them more often.
• Pamper yourself more often and give yourself gifts. Very often, self-doubt begins with appearance, and it is in your power to improve it. Go to the salon for new beauty treatments and massages. Pay attention to your hair, take care of your skin.
• Surround yourself with good quality things. It is better to buy things less often, but more expensive. You should feel confident in your clothes - no wear, untidiness, or out of date size. Things should boost your self-esteem, not make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
• Discover new horizons for yourself - take up interesting hobbies, travel to other countries or cities. If you constantly develop in any direction, then your self-esteem will inevitably grow.
• Learn to express your thoughts clearly and confidently. Practice in front of a camera or mirror, observing how you look from the outside. A camera is sometimes even more useful; you will not be able to control yourself as much as in front of a mirror, and you will be able to understand how others see you.
• A person who is insecure is often betrayed by his posture and gait. If you understand that you also have problems with this, but you should work hard on these points. Constantly monitor your posture until it becomes a habit. Have someone film you walking. Study it, and when you see any shortcomings, try to correct it until you bring it to perfection. Don’t forget to look straight ahead when walking, not at your feet. Your movements should be calm, smooth and confident.
• Try to start out looking like a confident girl, and over time you will become one.

Reasons for indecisiveness

Plan:
- Reasons for indecisiveness - How to quickly gain determination: 5 effective tips - Make up your mind! A four-part system - 6 ways to act without hesitation - How to become a decisive person: a step-by-step plan - The main principle without which you cannot become a decisive person! - Conclusion

Having realized your indecision, the first thing you should do is analyze its origins.

Reasons for indecisiveness may include:

1) Fear. For example, your indecisiveness may be caused by the fear of being rejected when meeting a girl, when applying for a job, or when applying for a competition.

2) Lack of faith in success. This usually happens because numerous relatives or friends begin to escalate the situation and tell you about the failure of the event.

3) Lack of understanding of the final result. This means you simply chose the wrong or wrong goal.

More touches5

You can’t seduce a girl with just conversations, you need to touch her as often as possible. There is nothing scary or intimidating about touching (unless you grab her chest 2 minutes after meeting her). You can stroke your shoulder without any sexual connotation. Many years ago, very wise men invented dancing. While dancing, you and the lady touch each other, which opens up new horizons for you. No chance to dance? Sit so that you can at least pat the girl on the back. Watch the reaction, and if it seems to you that the girl is already yours, then you will have to use the old trick that many men use.

Ask your first 5 questions

Once you've spent enough time preparing, ask your first question. Instead of quick answers, brainstorm answers that will bring the most benefit. Although you need to respond quickly, try to give meaningful answers.

The general rule is to keep asking until you find a potential root cause. As a rule, 5 questions or less are enough to solve the most common problems. But don’t limit yourself to this number; if necessary, keep asking.