How to learn to trust your husband after cheating and not be jealous? Advice from psychologists

Betrayal from your beloved husband is a stab in the back. It is difficult to overcome yourself and give marriage a second chance. This requires courage. But making a decision to save a family is much easier than fulfilling your plans. After all, thoughts, suspicions and jealousy interfere with relationships. Women simply don’t know how to start trusting their husbands after cheating, when the fear of repeated deception keeps them awake at night.

Why do cheating happen?

It is important in all stressful situations not to resolve the issue rashly. It is advisable to spend some time in solitude. Find out for yourself what is the reason for the betrayal. After all, sometimes the wife herself can push her husband to cheat. And she doesn’t even notice how she does it. Before we talk about how to learn to trust your husband and give advice on this issue, let’s find out the possible reasons for your spouse’s infidelity.

Let's look at the main situations:

1. Once a woman gets married, she simply stops taking care of her appearance. Nobody asks for an ideal figure, but weighing over 100 kg is already too much.
2. The girl stops taking care of her wardrobe and hairstyle. It is much more pleasant to live with a beautiful and well-groomed wife. Beauty salons are not necessary for this. It’s enough not to walk around at home in front of your spouse in a holey robe and with disheveled hair.
3. It is worth evaluating your behavior. If quarrels, reproaches, and humiliation of the husband occur day after day, then even strong love will not save you from betrayal.
4. You shouldn't be jealous for no reason. If you interrogate your husband every day and are jealous of every skirt, then this may simply push you to cheat. After all, sometimes men act on this principle: since the wife believes that there is cheating, then why not. Then at least the swearing will be justified.

To strengthen feelings, you need to show your love and loyalty to your husband. But not too intrusive.

Having assessed the situation in a calm state, you can give the floor to your husband if he wants to explain and talk. You don't have to decide everything yourself. All scandals in the family are the mistakes of both. And betrayal is no exception. After listening to all the husband's arguments, you may wonder whether it is worth forgiving your spouse.

Recognize the lessons of the past

You need to understand why you chose your ex-partner and why the relationship did not work out. Your responsibility in this case is also there.

It is necessary to carefully consider and sort out the discord that has occurred. At the same time, you should be as honest as possible. Only then will marriage stop seeming like such a black abyss. It will become more understandable. Much will become clearer. The logic of the rules by which the marriage union is built will appear. It will be possible to predict the following relationships.

You also need to remember that you now have an advantage over those who have not yet lost valuable relationships. This is an invaluable experience that can protect you from mistakes in the future.

I tell you how to help yourself move from a state of loss and confusion after a divorce to confidence and hope in the free course “How to Help Yourself Get Over a Breakup.” Be sure to download if this is your situation now and you want to understand where you are and where to go next.

Treason and forgiveness

Should you forgive your husband? How to learn to trust your husband again? We will now find answers to these questions. The issue of forgiveness can be decided after private conversations. You shouldn't seek outside advice. This will only aggravate the situation, but will not give the correct answer. Remember that you will always have time to kick your spouse out, but whether he will return to the family later is a question.

And if the wife calmly assesses the situation, listens to her husband, and behaves appropriately to the situation, then this will only raise her in the eyes of her partner. After reconciliation, you can even arrange a short vacation for two. It will help you understand your feelings more accurately and understand whether it’s worth giving them another chance or whether everything is already lost.

How to overcome the fear of repeated betrayal?

If you decide to save your family, then it’s worth figuring out how to learn to trust your husband again after cheating. But first you need to learn to control yourself. After a husband's betrayal, women are often left with a feeling of fear that their husband might cheat again. What to do?

• You need to distract yourself from these thoughts. If possible, you can start going to the gym or swimming pool. Visit friends more often. Just don’t start a conversation with your friends about cheating. This will only tug at the wound and will not allow emotions to cool down.
• The best way out is considered to be a change of image or interests. For example, take up an interesting hobby (start a blog, go swimming, get carried away by reading literature), change your hairstyle, clothing style. You can also do yoga. It helps to balance the nervous system and understand oneself. In general, you need to be cheerful and enjoy life. No man will pass by such a woman.
• The stronger sex loves well-read women, or rather, interlocutors with whom there is something to talk about. And it’s not difficult to become like that. You don't have to spend hours reading books to do this. It is enough to develop yourself for an hour, at least on the Internet. It will also be interesting and useful in life.
• The most important rule is to love and respect yourself. If a person does not respect himself, he will not achieve this from others.
• Do not be more jealous of your husband. On the contrary, you need to give him freedom. It would be better if the husband is now afraid of losing his wife, who not only behaved wisely, but also looks wonderful and is not discouraged.
• If you can’t cope on your own and it’s hard for you to psychologically overcome yourself, then it’s better to consult a psychologist. With it you can work out the problem.

It is precisely such a woman who will attract more attention to herself than a lady who has neglected herself even more and is constantly depressed. When he sees his wife’s changes, the husband will become more interested in her and will value his soul mate more. The fear of losing such a wife will push back the spouse’s desire to cheat.

Some tips

To work on relationships, you need to be in a resourceful state, for this:

• take care of your lifestyle - adjust your sleep schedule, diet, engage in physical activity, especially when you are overwhelmed with emotions and anxiety;
• do not waste your energy on revenge and do not try to “change in return” - you will definitely regret your action later, and the relationship will only worsen;
• don’t date your husband’s mistress - remember that you don’t need to sort things out with her, but with him;
• there is no need to find out the details of the betrayal - when, where, how many times. You won't be able to get rid of this picture. All you need to know if you want it: how long it lasted, what the husband feels for his mistress, how serious it is;
• communicate with those who help and support you, and do not blame any of you, do not give advice;
• add inspiring activities and hobbies to your life that give you energy and strength.

Remember the main thing - the pain is not eternal, but it needs time to go away. When your relationship changes, when you can talk openly about problems, when you both work on the relationship and try, your marriage will only become stronger.

Cheating is not only a crisis in family relationships, but also a signal that it’s time to change something. If you can go through all this together, respect each other's experiences, you will be able to forgive your husband. It is important to remember that trust comes with experience of communication, and does not appear out of nowhere.

How to get rid of the emptiness in your soul after cheating?

After the feeling of hatred towards your husband passes, a feeling of emptiness appears in your soul. This often manifests itself in people with low self-esteem. Therefore, before talking about how to learn to trust your husband after cheating, you need to talk about how to understand yourself and raise yourself in your eyes and the eyes of others.

How to raise your self-esteem? Follow the recommendations given below:

1. Don't make mountains out of molehills. This is the most obvious sign of low self-esteem. Every problem has a solution. And instead of lamenting how bad everything is, you need to pull yourself together and look for a way out of this situation.
2. It is necessary to pay attention to all your victories and achievements, even small ones.
3. Don't push away the care of loved ones. Receive it with gratitude. Allow yourself to spend money on yourself (buy ice cream, a nice blouse). Set aside free time, again only for yourself (watching a TV series, reading a book, and so on). You need to love yourself and enjoy even a rainy day. A happy person attracts the attention of others and looks like a confident person.
4. Find out your strengths and weaknesses in character. And try to get rid of your shortcomings.
5. When there are days when you just want to cry or scream, you can take a course of sedatives during this period.
6. When a feeling of emptiness appears in your soul, you should not fill it with caring for children or other people’s problems. It is better to pay attention to yourself and your own self-development. Stop suffering and allowing yourself to be made a victim.

A woman who knows her worth will never let herself be offended; she will react much wiser to her husband’s infidelity and will not retaliate. After all, many people think that it’s easier to survive your husband’s deception. Retaliatory betrayal is the fate of weak people.

Find out the relationship

How to learn to trust your husband? Before you start building a relationship again, you need to understand that you will never be able to completely forget betrayal. But why remember it every day? She is in the past, and nothing can be changed. You need to continue to live on, without upsetting your life with bad events.

Many women are interested in learning how to learn to trust their husband again. You need to answer this question for yourself: will it be possible to live next to a spouse who has already cheated once. Otherwise, further married life will turn into a nightmare. You also need to fully clarify your relationship with your husband. You can even scream and break dishes. Emotions must be completely released. Resentment should not be suppressed and accumulate day after day.

Identify ways in which distrust of men is expressed

You will need to understand at what points you do not trust men. During the process, conclusions need to be spoken out or written down. The main thing is to give verbal form to the doubts that torment you.

For example, there was betrayal in a marriage. I need to be more specific - I am afraid that my partner will tell me about his love, but cheat on me with another woman. This way the zone of mistrust will be clearly marked. You will understand that when meeting men at this point you may not trust.

At the same time, you need to try to differentiate as much as possible between your past negative experiences and what is happening to you in the present. Separate it from the actions of a potential partner.

Please write in the comments what is on your list, what are your areas of mistrust?

Be friends for a while

How to learn to trust your husband? Psychologists advise, after the outburst of initial emotions, to express to each other what specifically does not suit the spouses. This is done to prevent repeated betrayals.

But still, how to learn to trust your husband? The psychologist's advice sounds like this: if you decide not to break up and try to start all over again, then at first you can simply try to be good friends to each other. Also, you should not blame your husband for all mortal sins after cheating. Don't forget that the decision was made together. Therefore, you should try not to remember the past.

The decision was made to save the family. What to do to strengthen relationships?

To strengthen them, you need to try to spend more time together. If a vacation is not planned in the near future, then you can spend evenings and weekends together. At this time, new positive traits in the husband may be discovered.

Of course, from time to time memories of betrayal will slip through. Especially at first. It is better to try not to start conversations again on this topic. And the spouse may simply get tired of such conversations. Then the family will fall apart.

If you don’t know how to learn to trust your husband again, then remember that the most ideal option is to erase the past. We need to start our married life again. But try not to make mistakes that could lead to her husband’s betrayal. Ideally, you can make a honeymoon.

Accept your husband's apology

This will help you in the future in your relationship. If you don't know how to learn to trust your husband again, then first learn to accept your spouse's apology. They can be expressed by ordinary help with housework, flowers, walks around the evening city. The husband sometimes feels much worse than the deceived wife. It could be much harder for him. After all, it was he who almost destroyed the family. After reconciliation, you should live in the present and not look at past grievances. Forgiveness and understanding of a husband’s betrayal, wise decision-making is the lot of strong women.

Cheating in the family, unfortunately, is a fairly common occurrence. And only a wise and intelligent woman can save the family. And often, betrayal only strengthens the family. After all, the wife then grows in her husband’s eyes. He begins to be proud of his chosen one. And the wife begins to look at her husband differently. And often she begins to see advantages that she had not noticed before.

Question answer

Please advise what to do. The fact is that my husband cheated on me once. He knelt and asked for forgiveness. I forgave, the relationship became simply fantastic, my husband literally carries me in his arms. But there is one thing. As soon as I imagine how he was with her, I simply withdraw into myself, start checking my phone and social networks. How can I forget everything?

You yourself write that the relationship has become simply excellent, your husband carries you in his arms. What else do you need? Focus on your relationships. Since he does everything to start over, it means you are dear to him, and what he had was just a small affair. When thoughts about his betrayal come to you, immediately tell yourself that my husband is the best and he doesn’t need anyone except me. Over time, negative thoughts will go away completely, and only your love and trust will remain.

I was very badly burned in my first marriage, my husband constantly cheated on me and raised his hand to me. Now a colleague is courting me, he seems like a good guy, but I can’t overcome my fear of a new relationship. How can I start trusting him?

Here, of course, everything depends on you, as well as on how exactly he treats you. If you see that this is a completely different person, then you shouldn’t worry, but you need to take it and trust. But if suddenly you notice that he has character traits like your ex’s, then you shouldn’t relive everything all over again. Go to a specialist and figure out why you constantly attract the wrong men. And how to attract the ones you need.

I began to notice that my husband was deleting all phone calls from unknown numbers. After interrogation with passion, he said that this was a colleague. I want to say that he has a job where men and women work in the same conditions. My husband really loves me, cares for me, and he deletes calls so that I don’t invent anything for myself, he just knows my character. Should I trust him?

You see, with your constant distrust and control over him, you bring him to the point that he begins to hide everything that somehow can cause you to have an attack of jealousy. Your constant mistrust will sooner or later lead to the fact that he really wants to confirm your suspicions. If everything is good in your life, there is no point in looking for flaws in it. If the relationship went beyond phone calls, you would have already started to feel it.

I can’t leave my husband with my little daughter, it always seems to me that he might overlook her and something will happen to her. What do i do?

First, look at how he treats her when you're around. If it seems to you that he is holding her wrong or playing with her incorrectly, then it may be because he feels mistrust and constant surveillance. Maybe when you stop giving him comments regarding the fact that he is doing something wrong, the man will relax and everything will work out for him. Therefore, to begin with, leave them alone with each other at least for a short time: let’s say lie in the bath. I don't think that when you come into the room you will see a scary scene. After all, it is precisely with your distrust that you turn him into an armless creature.