Some women fall in love just because they can trust a man. In other words, they can open their soul to this person, let him into their personal space, and entrust him with their innermost thoughts and feelings. Very often, trust is compared to a glass vase: if it breaks, it can be glued back together, but it will never be the same. It’s the same with trust: once burned, a person can stop trusting others for the rest of his life. But without trust you cannot build strong and harmonious relationships. In this article we will talk about the psychology of trust and how to build a trusting relationship with your loved one.
Why is it important to trust each other in a relationship?
At psychological trainings, they often conduct a wonderful exercise on trust . The person takes a place in the center of the room, and the rest of the participants stand around him. A person’s task: close his eyes and start falling so that those around him will catch him. Surprisingly, not many people can do this exercise because they don't trust people. The situation is similar in love: we must find a person who would “catch us” in any situation, and we must be able to trust ourselves.
At the beginning of a relationship, we usually carefully look at a person and decide whether to trust him.
We expect a man to be trustworthy in the following situations:
- When we ask him to carry out any assignment, to do something;
- When we observe his behavior in the company of other women: is he interested in flirting, is he admiring a long-legged beauty;
- When we ask for help and support in a difficult situation.
Sometimes a woman cannot correctly analyze a man’s behavior and understand whether he should be trusted. A man’s reliability is manifested in small things, and a woman intuitively senses this.
You should not trust a man who has betrayed your trust several times. There is virtually no chance that his behavior will change in the future.
Keep your promises
If you committed adultery and are given another chance, you have an incredible responsibility. It's clear that you should be completely transparent and not lie to your partner. But this is not enough.
Now you must also be careful about what you promise. And if they promised, then they must do everything to keep these promises.
Say only what you mean and don't give false hope. Your optionality for a long period of time
will be perceived as a lie. Even a small attempt to embellish something can cause a suspicious attitude towards you.
seb_ra/Getty Images Pro
Each of your misdeeds will respond with a new blow to the structure that we call restored relationships. And any of these blows could be the last, destructive
. Not only be honest with your partner, but show that you are consistent and dependable.
How do you know that a man can be trusted?
Observe the manifestations of his character in various situations.
A man is trustworthy if he:
- Honest and decent;
- Confident and knows how to achieve his goals;
- Has life experience and knows how to cope with difficulties;
- Able to listen and understand the interlocutor;
- Behaves decently with unworthy people;
- Treats other women with respect and speaks with dignity about her former relationships;
- Behaves in society in a cultured and polite manner;
- Knows how to control himself.
If you doubt whether you should trust a man, listen carefully to what he likes to talk about. Pay attention to what he laughs at - this is his value system. Trust a man if he laughs not at other people, but with them. And even more so, you should trust a man who knows how to laugh at himself.
Set the record straight
fizkes/Getty Images Pro
When betrayal occurs, this event is perceived as a disaster - nothing less. Emotions run high, a stream of mutual accusations begins, which develops into some kind of long-term military conflict
. However, nothing in this world happens for nothing. Everything needs a reason. And to clarify, we need to dig deeper.
Did something happen between both you and your partner that should have been addressed sooner, but was ignored?
Talk to your partner. Try to figure out what happened and why. You may be bursting with anger, no doubt, but if you really want reconciliation
, you MUST learn to listen to each other. The answers that are heard in such a dialogue often allow you to get to the bottom of that very first wormhole that appeared in your relationship long before the betrayal.
Cheating itself is just a symptom (and not the only one), but not the main problem.
Zinkevych/Getty Images Pro
It is very important that both sides show a desire to start this dialogue - open, honest, although very painful. In other words, both sides
must be sincerely interested in:
- clarify what happened;
- be ready to re-concentrate the efforts that are necessary to rebuild the relationship again.
If this does not happen, then your relationship will surely die, agonizing in a flood of pain, regret and resentment.
How to learn to trust a man in a relationship
Do not judge all men equally; there is a very high chance that you will meet a worthy man on your life path. Even if you have had a negative experience that makes it difficult for you to trust men, you need to try to forget the past and move on.
We understand that it is difficult to restore lost trust, so we have selected useful recommendations for you:
- Work on yourself , change your attitudes and way of thinking. Think about the real reasons for your mistrust. Sometimes a woman cannot trust men because there were traumatic events in her childhood, for example: the divorce of her parents, a difficult situation in the family, rejection by peers. In order to identify negative attitudes, you can engage in self-analysis or consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you analyze your past experiences and change your worldview for the better.
- Analyze how mistrust affects your relationship with your loved one. Perhaps if you trusted him more, many problems in your couple could have been avoided. You both could be happier.
- Learn positive thinking. Imagine what the worst thing can happen if you trust a man? This is probably a breakup for one reason or another. Now look at the situation from the other side: how many pleasant, happy moments do you lose if there is no trust on your part in the relationship? You should be glad that you met a person and fell in love with him, and not a single couple is immune from possible separation.
- Increase your self-esteem. Praise yourself more often and drive away negative thoughts. Don't allow yourself to self-flagellate. Some women dislike themselves so much that they are constantly in tension, expecting deception from loved ones. Love yourself and remember: you truly deserve to be happy.
- If you continue a relationship with a man who has already betrayed your trust once, try not to remember an unpleasant moment from the past . Each of us has the right to make a mistake, the main thing is that our partner realizes it and changes his behavior.
Contact a family psychologist
Jacob Lund
A civil engineer has an excellent understanding of construction; surgeon - in how the human body functions; and the psychologist deals with the complexities of human relationships. And if this were not so, such a specialty simply would not exist
. Almost always, rebuilding trust and wanting to rebuild a relationship is a difficult choice that requires courage. Sometimes with a lot of courage.
And since you have taken this step, but are experiencing difficulties on your chosen path, then why not take another one - turn to a family psychologist? People who are professionals
in matters of relationships and psychology in general, they know what to pay attention to first of all in such cases.
You and your partner may be quite smart and experienced, but you don't have to know, for example, how to operate on appendicitis. And don’t be embarrassed by the fact that you don’t know how to proceed after cheating.
. Third-party help, if it comes from a real professional, cannot be overestimated in this situation.
LightFieldStudios/Getty Images
A psychologist for those who have decided to cope with betrayal, forgive it and rebuild a relationship with the same partner, this is akin to a pilot who will guide your ship through stormy waters, avoiding rocks and reefs
. This is exactly what is needed not only by the person who was cheated on, but also by the one who committed the betrayal.
How to build trusting relationships in a couple: useful tips
- Be honest. Don't be afraid to openly express your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Talk about fears, concerns, awkward moments, what you don't like in the relationship. If you are afraid to show your partner the worst side, then there is no trust between you. A truly loving person will accept you for who you are and appreciate your sincerity. You should not tell a man about physiological details (for example, about painful depilation) or overly intimate moments, because a woman should be a mystery.
- Be yourself. Do not “try on” in a relationship the image of a woman who you really are not. If you are a quiet and modest person in life, you should not force yourself and try to become the star of the party in order to impress a man. On the contrary, you should tell him that you feel awkward in a noisy company. If a man cares about you, he will take care of you and will not allow you to feel uncomfortable.
- Listen carefully to a man when he tells you something. Do not interrupt without listening, do not ask leading questions, do not change the topic if the conversation is not interesting to you. A man needs to know that you will listen to him; should feel that you care about his words. Having realized that you can be trusted, he will try to ensure that you can trust him fully.
- Don't be tactless when trying to get to know a person better. Respect your man's past, past relationships and life events, even if you feel negative about some aspects. You should not persistently ask inappropriate questions, for example, about the reason for his breakup with his previous girlfriend, if he himself does not want to talk about it. Over time, when your relationship becomes more trusting, he himself will tell you everything he sees fit. Do not criticize his behavior, do not let your reasoning be reduced to two extremes of good/bad.
- Comment on your behavior . In order to avoid getting into an awkward situation and gain the trust of your partner, you need to explain to him the details of certain events and the reason for your behavior. For example, he witnessed a situation where you were yelling at your mom on the phone. Explain to your partner why this happened so that he does not perceive you as a cruel and ill-mannered person. Another example: you are texting with your ex-boyfriend. Don’t wait for your partner to start asking questions; briefly tell yourself what was discussed. Thanks to your behavior, your partner will begin to behave in a similar way.
- Never sort things out in public . Protect your relationship from interference from third parties, even your closest friend. It is better to discuss all mutual claims face to face. Carefully keep your loved one's secrets and do not discuss intimate details of your relationship with strangers.
- Give compliments to your beloved man and praise him more often . But only if he deserves these words. If you don't like a man's actions, you should say so immediately. When criticizing a man, do not forget to praise him. It is very important that your partner understands: you are not unhappy with him, but with his behavior.
In a relationship, it is very important to trust your loved one. If your life motto sounds like the adage “Trust, but verify,” try to make sure your partner doesn’t know about it. There is nothing more unpleasant than finding out that your loved one doesn't trust you.
Did you like the article? Share with friends:
Is it possible to regain trust after betrayal?
Burst/Pexels
Trust is a simple but very meaningful word. It is trust that is the basis of any relationship, since trust, this invisible substance
, like powerful cement holds together that without which normal relationships are impossible.
If there is trust in your relationship, then you will sleep peacefully at night, feeling peace and tranquility. And it is trust that makes every phone call, every text message from your partner so welcome and enjoyable.
. And only thanks to trust can any relationship be preserved even when the partners remain for a long period of time at an arc distance from each other.
Lie theory
In order to understand how to trust a man, you need to understand how and why people lie. Of course, this question may seem stupid to some, because it’s a no brainer where lies come from. But in reality it's not that simple, and we'll try to figure it out before we decide what to do about it.
A very common situation is when a person lies in order to appear better than he really is.
The desire is strange, but not for someone who is familiar with psychology. One of the basic human needs is the need for status and respect from society. It must be satisfied along with thirst, hunger and the desire to be safe.
But if a person does not feel sufficiently accomplished, if he does not feel respect from others, then he may begin to lie.
This is especially true for men who have greater self-esteem than women. For example, a story about an independently concluded lucrative contract for a company in reality may turn out to be a simple transaction in which your man took part. And how can you trust them after this?!
Well, a classic example of how people lie to get their own way is a man courting a woman just to sleep with her. He is ready to do everything, shower himself with unimaginable compliments and perform actions of incredible beauty, but his goal is very mundane. Naturally, no one will directly tell a girl: “I just want to sleep with you.” After this, the annoying subject will most likely be sent to hell. But if you deceive beautifully, then the probability of success becomes much higher.
But this is not the worst thing. It’s much worse if your husband deceives you because it’s just more convenient for him. A classic example is the insidious cheater. He lies to his wife, telling tales about superficial and platonic interactions with other girls. Naturally, it is convenient for him when his house is full, and everyone around him considers him a good family man. But he also deceives his mistress by exaggerating stories about his vixen wife. He comes up with all sorts of reasons why he cannot get a divorce, although his heart languishes from “doomed” love. Thus, based only on considerations of his own convenience, such a man is capable of doing everything just to “fool” two women.
This partly echoes the moment when a man lies to you to avoid responsibility. It sounds paradoxical, but until you find out about everything, deception does not seem to exist. And to be precise, he simply does not face responsibility for it. And he continues to lie in order to hide this whole bunch of lies, which have a lot of internal connections.
So, there are a great many reasons for lying. But how can you tell if your husband is cheating on you? In general, of course, this is difficult to believe in principle: how can a loved one and a loved one tell lies and do unpleasant things? But, unfortunately, this happens. And you need to know the signs of lying in order to learn to separate reality from fiction.
There are a number of purely technical points that you can rely on when analyzing what is happening:
- The man talks a lot
Or uses many more words than are necessary in a particular situation. All this looks like some kind of wall, the main purpose of which is to cover up lies. Subconsciously, the idea is spinning in my head: “The more I say, the more truthful the story will seem.” And if you add details, then everything will be great. Only this is not true and, as a rule, is a sign of lying.
- Careful choice of words
When you lie, you need to keep several threads of the conversation in mind at once in order not to get confused and not “reveal your cards”: the past - so that everything fits, the present - so that you continue to “create” history, and the future - so that based on all this guess what you will say next. In short, it requires enormous brain resources, which makes the liar very tired. Pauses in conversation also indicate this.
- Conversation pace
With the exception of rare cases of skillful lying, the deceiving person noticeably changes the speed of conversation. Speech may become slow due to the reasons described above - a person thinks for a long time about what to say. Or it can become quite fast when the subject, firstly, is worried and cannot hide it, and, secondly, by pouring large amounts of information on you at an accelerated pace, he subconsciously hopes to confuse you and reduce your concentration. Then the likelihood of being caught becomes lower. By the way, the intonation of the liar also changes - usually the voice becomes higher. This is a psychophysiological reaction.
- Speech is often exculpatory
When a person lies, he initially has a subconscious feeling of guilt towards you. And by telling his stories, he seems to be trying to justify himself. There are a lot of constructions and words in speech that show the speaker in a positive light.
Surely, when wondering how to learn to trust your partner, you are especially interested in the aspect of his relationship with the opposite sex. How does a cheating man behave? He becomes very picky towards his wife, because he believes that it is she who is to blame for everything, because she provokes him to such acts. Accordingly, scandals and quarrels become more frequent, after which he is thrown into the opposite hypostasis - he somehow especially zealously tries to compensate for his guilt.
In general, intermittency and sudden changes in mood and behavior are an alarming signal. As a rule, all kinds of sprees, drinking and other actions associated with self-destruction are added to it. And finally, the surest sign is the voice of your intuition. A woman almost always feels when a man has someone else, even if the whole world is trying to dissuade her of this. So, first of all, you should believe in yourself.
Provoking factors
Cheating is a blow to feelings. It can be either regular or an isolated incident. Every betrayal has a reason; if it is identified and eliminated in a timely manner, long-term relationships can be built.
By nature, a man is polygamous. Scientists have proven that after 3 years of marriage, the love idyll ends and if the couple does not make an effort to maintain the relationship, this will push them to look for new partners. In men, the reproductive instinct is similar to the instinct of animals: the more contacts, the more offspring. To prevent this, a woman should always remain interesting.
Women's infidelity is caused by their partner's inattention. They push a woman into the arms of another, where she can feel loved and desired:
lack of romance in relationships; everyday problems; the opportunity to prove your importance to yourself; a woman can be provoked by her husband's betrayal.
Too many questions
Often, when meeting or on a first date, women literally bombard their companions with questions:
“What is more important to you - family life or career?”
“How reliable are you on a scale of one to one hundred?”
“How did your last relationship end?”
Agree, this model of conversation is more reminiscent of an interview rather than pleasant communication. By asking too many questions to a man you don’t know yet, you are literally pushing him to the exit.
Yes, most likely he will simply run away. After all, a million questions “on nerves” are one of the signs of distrust. With their help, you compare your companion with someone ex and mentally check the box: “it seems that this person will not hurt me”... But when building a new relationship, you should think not about possible disappointment, but about your future happiness.
Infidels are not allowed to enter
If a girl was once abandoned, now she is very afraid of stepping on the same “rake” again. He is so afraid that he even writes about it in profiles on dating sites:
“Womenizers pass by”
“I am looking for a faithful and devoted one”
Men do not meet such women, do not invite them on dates, and, especially, do not start relationships. First of all, because they feel the same mistrust that runs like a red thread through the questionnaire. “You can’t go to a bar with friends or at a barbecue with colleagues next to this,” men think, and they turn out to be right. Let go of the situation of the past days and start a new relationship with a clean slate - without groundless accusations.
Reasons for mistrust
The relationship between a man and a woman is a complex interweaving of love, joy, happiness and past experiences. In most cases, mistrust in relationships arises due to the inability of one of the partners to objectively assess what is happening. The heart is haunted by past negative experiences or memories of a situation that caused fears, resentments, and disappointment. It is very difficult to trust a new lover; the subconscious constantly produces pictures of the unsuccessful end of the acquaintance.
What are the main causes of trust problems?
- The woman is too jealous.
- The husband regularly deceives his beloved.
- The man changed.
Hundreds of young ladies turn to psychologists with the question: “After my husband cheated, I can’t trust him, what should I do next?” Experts will help you forgive deception, sort out your feelings and look at the situation differently. It is imperative to restore faith in a woman’s heart, otherwise life can take a completely negative scenario. Mistrust makes a woman feel dissatisfaction, discomfort, and suffering. How to start trusting a guy to get rid of unpleasant feelings?
