A trusting relationship is a type of close relationship in which each person has the opportunity to express himself as naturally as possible, and also count on help and support. Usually, it takes some time for trust and the ability to fully open up to another person to develop, but long-term relationships are not always trusting.
It is important that relationships are built taking into account the following aspects:
- faith in a person’s words and actions, no need to double-check what was said or constantly look for backup options;
- honesty towards the interlocutor;
- respect on which communication between people is based, equality;
- accepting not only the “comfortable” positive qualities of a communication partner, but also other, perhaps less pleasant properties of his character, without attempts to “re-educate” or “remake” the other person;
- willingness to seek joint solutions and compromises in case of disagreements and disputes in order to maintain trust;
- mutual support;
- safety (both physically and psychologically); it is implied that in such relationships betrayal is not expected and is not afraid to be completely open, exposing weak points.
There is no single standard by which such relationships are built. Trust does not always mean that a spouse or girlfriend or relative must do one thing and not do another and/or always adapt to the other. All people are different, and trust implies a certain freedom of choice for each participant in the relationship. It is important to avoid pressure, deception and manipulation in relation to each other and to be able to come to an agreement, to find acceptable options for both in certain cases.
A good example in this case is a situation where a wife wants her husband to go with her to childbirth, but he is against it. Here you need to communicate and find out how important joint childbirth is for the wife, and make a decision that will not undermine trust in the couple.
Establishing a trusting relationship requires time and some effort on both sides. The presence of trust between people cannot be constant, and the level of its depth may fluctuate depending on what happens in the process of communication.
Just as trust is acquired, it is lost after betrayal, and for this often one transgression is enough. Betrayal refers to the violation of given promises or obligations and manipulation. Examples: disclosure of secrets, deception, violation of marital fidelity, using a person for personal gain, etc. Often, when faced with betrayal, a person loses the ability to trust or needs more time and effort to establish close relationships again.
To create and maintain trusting relationships, there are several recommendations that take into account the characteristics of interpersonal interaction. To communicate with a child, you should rely on some principles, while when establishing trusting interaction with colleagues, the emphasis will be placed on other elements.
How is trust formed?
Acquaintance with this feeling occurs in childhood, when the child feels protected and loved. At the same time, he can always count on being listened to and accepted as he is. If a person was deprived of this, then it will be difficult to gain such experience; there is no idea why one needs to trust another. It's often lonely. Positive relationships are possible only where there are no doubts about the partner, there is confidence in the decency and goodwill of the other person. Trust has no boundaries, and its strength lies in reciprocity.
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Trust in a couple: what is it?
The basis for a strong and durable union is mutual trust in relationships. This is a prerequisite in order to understand and accept the other unconditionally, otherwise life together will turn into a chain of grievances and misunderstandings. Trusting relationships are built on both sides; “one-sided games” are not accepted. When there is love, a person is not inclined to critically perceive relationships and reality. The partner seems ideal and this is a great time to form a bridge of trust that is fragile at first. It is this that will later become the shield that will protect you from envious people and ill-wishers. The main principle is to first discuss the situation with your significant other and only then decide how serious the incident is and whether it threatens family well-being.
In childhood, if there is trust, then it is reckless and reckless in one’s loved ones. In adults, we are talking about healthy, adequate, reasonable trust in a partner. This is a mature, psychologically healthy personal position, which makes it possible to see good in the world, reciprocate good intentions, but not allow oneself to be manipulated. And also remain calm, accept people and forgive shortcomings.
Do you trust your soulmate?
No. You can't trust anyone these days!
0%
Yes. Completely.
50%
If only with caution. As they say: trust, but verify.
50%
Voted: 2
Who shouldn't be trusted
It’s worth finding out which people you shouldn’t trust. With them, keep in mind, you will not have a trusting relationship. After all, you will most likely be deceived. This means that your faith is being abused.
You should not try to build a relationship (trust) with a pathological liar. Such people always lie without even realizing it. Irresponsible people and those who do not keep their promises should not be trusted either. You can easily be set up. What kind of trust are we talking about? Avoid people who cannot control their emotions.
Of course, true trusting relationships are excluded with those who once expressed negativity towards you, did not wish well and “put a spoke in your wheels.” Most likely, the person just wants to ingratiate himself so that he can then deal a serious blow.
Relationships without trust
When in childhood a person received less or was completely deprived of trust, or it was betrayed from the child’s point of view, then later the ability to live without this feeling will come. The result is detachment, inability to empathize, and constant internal tension in anticipation of a catch. In essence, it is a balance in emptiness without support. Even for trade transactions, at least a drop of trust is needed in order to conduct joint business or formalize a deal. At the very least, someone must sign the document first. And in the relationship between a man and a woman, you need to trust your partner, otherwise everything loses its meaning.
Psychologists call doubts and mistrust in marriage the first sign of the destruction of a union.
In some cases, if there is childhood psychological trauma, then distrust of men or women of a certain appearance and manner of speaking develops. This option is considered separately and requires correction with the help of an experienced psychologist. This almost does not apply to family relationships, but it can significantly interfere with career issues.
Do you think that relationships cannot exist without trust?
Yes, that's absolutely right. Otherwise, how can you be in “such” relationships? Every second you think about where he (she) is, with whom, etc.
50%
I think relationships without trust are possible. But how long can they last?
50%
I believe that such relationships can exist. If there is everything else except trust and a person knows how not to terrorize either himself or his partner, then why not?
0%
Voted: 2
Why does mistrust arise?
Some people complain: “I don’t trust anyone.” This is normal and common. It occurs in almost every second person. It's hard to believe. Especially if you didn’t have an example of trusting relationships as a child. Where does mistrust come from?
Firstly, this feeling comes from childhood. If you saw that parents do not trust each other or deceive, then distrust of people will arise.
Secondly, negative experience in this area. Someone who once believed, and then was set up or deceived, can say “I don’t trust people.” The most common option.
Thirdly, because of character. Some people are too prudent; they are used to not trusting anyone at all. In this case, it is recommended to consult a psychologist for help.
For what reasons does trust disappear in a relationship?
In happy unions, it doesn’t matter whether it’s an official marriage or just a candy-bouquet period, sincerity of feelings and a feeling of security next to your loved one are fundamental. The problem of lack of trust and constant fear of deception often lies in low self-esteem and attitudes received in childhood.
A self-confident person is not afraid to show honesty in relationships; such a person is initially committed to interaction and accepts himself and others without reservations or restrictions. But losing trust in this case is quite easy. There is one circumstance - critical thinking. Slanders and gossip do not touch, but a self-sufficient person treats facts of betrayal or deception with respect. The most common reasons for lack of trust in a couple are:
- jealousy, in most cases, is pathological, having nothing to do with the real state of affairs and manifesting itself regardless of the circumstances;
- fear of loneliness, when any methods are used to “tie” a partner to oneself with a sense of duty, compassion, or a feeling of false guilt;
- broken trust, where the mistake was fatal from the partner’s point of view and it is impossible to forgive him;
- low self-esteem, in which a person is unable to believe that he is worthy of trust and can trust a loved one without expecting a catch.
The most terrible phenomenon is energy vampirism. This is feeding off other people's negative emotions. The partner deliberately turns life together into a series of insults and disappointments. In this case, it is important to recognize the main signs and then firmly decide whether it is worth fighting for the future or whether you need to consciously stop communicating, saving your energy and psychological health.
Which reason, in your opinion, can undermine trust more than others?
Of course, jealousy. All the troubles are because of her.
0%
I think this is a person's low self-esteem. It does not give any confidence either in oneself or in other people.
0%
This is definitely a broken trust. Having once trusted a person, and in return received a knife in the back... what kind of trust can there be after that?
100%
For me, there is nothing worse than loneliness, and that’s where mistrust arises.
0%
Voted: 2
Advice from practicing psychologists
After a period of accepting the fact of loss of trust, many leave the situation static and this is a huge mistake. It requires not only comprehension, but also elaboration, otherwise it may be repeated. To relieve the severity of resentment and tune in to a positive perception of reality, there are several effective steps.
- Share trust and unjustified hopes. People tend to idealize their partner, attributing to him what they want, and to be sincerely offended if reality does not coincide with expectations. In this case, it is important to distinguish between concepts and, quite possibly, there will be no reasons for resentment or mistrust. It is better to analyze feelings in writing; with visualization, all the nuances of the relationship are much better visible.
- The next question that needs to be clarified is why the mistrust arose. Perhaps the source is personal experience and low self-esteem and, thus, unconsciously attempts are made to justify the loss of confidence in the partner. After clarifying the motive, you can move on to the question “why?” Here the prerequisites for distancing are determined. It’s not a fact that it will work out the first time, but the emphasis in the search is on your personality and feelings.
- Letting go of the victim role is a prerequisite for building healthy, mature relationships. Only a union of equals exists successfully; any prolonged discomfort in the soul sooner or later leads to a loss of trust. This issue is especially relevant after a divorce, so sometimes it’s worth taking a break in a relationship and just experiencing, comprehending and finding new points of support.
- Enabling realism is the ability to critically evaluate what is happening and look at it from the outside, turning off emotions. You can only deceive someone who is ready to deceive himself. It is necessary to decide whether a person is worthy of trust in principle, and then build a relationship. For example, you don’t need to see signs of betrayal in every step. You can really stay late at work, conduct lively business or friendly correspondence and at the same time tenderly love, appreciate and protect your partner.
- The mirror principle also works in relationships. If you trust a person, he will most likely reciprocate. Nobody talks about warm feelings for the first person they meet, it’s just sometimes worth taking the first step by showing your emotions.
- Forgiveness is the most difficult but necessary action to regain trust. It is inherent only to people who are generous in soul and is needed, first of all, by those who forgive. How someone else will live with the burden of betrayal is a completely different story.
Much depends on the person himself. If you are honest, treat others with respect and remain faithful, you can expect the same in return.
FAQ
Trust is the basis of relationships and this postulate is not subject to discussion. This has been tested over centuries and the experience of many generations. But serious passions still swirl around this feeling and new questions constantly arise.
Is there any point in a relationship without trust?
Yes, if the person is a masochist, since the main sensation will be pain. Living in an atmosphere of constant suspicion is not easy, and the question immediately arises of how necessary it is. It is trust that becomes the engine of relationship development. Without it, a stop is inevitable, and this means the collapse of the union. It will simply be two people living together, not connected by any feelings or aspirations, and it will be far from comfortable. So without trust, the meaning is completely lost.
How to work on trust?
The main reason that a person loses faith in others is negative personal experience. For successful communication in the future, it is necessary not only to grieve for what was lost, but also to take steps to “heal the emotional wound.” Psychologists recommend not withdrawing into yourself, but asking for help and support when the acute period of experiences has passed. You need to get over your fears, work on your emotions, try not to give in to jealousy and let go of those relationships that did not bring what you expected. It is necessary to take into account that during this period anger, hyper-caution, and touchiness may appear.
This is normal, the main thing is to look for the positive in everything. If you cannot cope on your own, then you should seek the help of a psychologist.
What do you need to do to earn trust?
First, you need to trust the other person, open up emotionally, show your affection, and show interest in the interlocutor, his thoughts and feelings. The techniques may be different, but the main thing is sincerity. In such subtle matters as feelings, falsity is immediately visible, and you can’t count on rapprochement later.
How to regain trust in your mother?
Changes in the relationship between parents and children are inevitable. There are quite delicate situations in which the mother is fundamentally wrong, having committed an act that undermined the child’s trust. The resentment will smolder for a long time, interfering with full communication. The only way is to forgive and try to understand the reason that prompted such an act. Another option that will help restore lost intimacy could be a joint business, but you need to choose carefully so that the process does not cause disagreements and is equally interesting to both.
What appearance inspires confidence?
Strict officialdom and sloppiness are equally unacceptable. First of all, you need to look neat; slight negligence in hairstyle and details is allowed, but it must comply with generally accepted standards. This is a nonverbal signal of readiness to exchange opinions and further communication.
How do they gain trust?
No one is safe from scammers. And they know more than one way to get a person to open up and get the necessary information or receive a service. At the same time, they start with stereotypes, then turn the conversation to the interlocutor, showing interest in his hobbies. In the dialogue, they unobtrusively concede the leading part to the interlocutor. The final stage is demonstrating that your partner can be trusted. These can be provocative questions of loyalty while maintaining the image of a decent, sincere person. It’s rare that anyone can recognize at first glance that a person has applied not for communication, but for selfish purposes.
How to gain confidence in your superiors?
Initially, the employee and the manager are at different levels of the hierarchy and friendship is not encouraged, especially in large companies. Nevertheless, if necessary and knowing some psychological tricks, you can achieve what you want. To do this, the strengths and weaknesses of the boss are determined, then gradually begins to accustom him to the idea that this employee can be relied upon, at the same time speak the same language, be able to admit his mistakes and be a good listener. Yes, the method is not quick, but the issue of trust cannot be resolved at once, so you will have to act slowly but surely.
