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Alena Kornyukhina tells how she experienced a borderline mental state.
Something went wrong in March-April 2022. I had a painful attachment to a married man much older than me, I worked very hard, but my salary was not paid for a long time. So I started going and drinking rum alone.
From time to time it began to seem to me that the world around me was unreal, and that perhaps it was created by my imagination. I was very scared and I thought I was crazy. I had problems with concentration, I slept while walking and did not understand why I was in such a state all the time. I felt separated from everyone else.
Ashmeiba Nino Anatolyevna, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, doctor of the highest category:
With depersonalization, a person feels changed, different: “Everyone is normal, but I’m not.” With derealization, the surrounding environment is seen changed: in a different light, “as if behind glass,” “as if unreal.” These states overlap. They occur at a high level of anxiety.
Such sensations can occur not only during psychosis, but also during borderline states (neurotic). Don't get too scared and stress yourself out. This does not mean that the person is going crazy. Most likely, this is a neurosis that can be treated. If criticality is not lost, a person understands that “something is wrong” with him, and his psyche is intact.
I thought that now I would just solve the problems and everything would be fine. From March until August I had no intention of asking for help.
I'm scary and I don't like myself
I consider myself ugly, what should I do?
Once Coco Chanel, who is now considered a style icon, Fr. Even in those days, there were many ways to highlight your best sides and de-emphasize your shortcomings. Nowadays, the fair sex has many opportunities to improve their appearance.
Realize that if you are ugly, it is your choice. Do you want to receive more compliments and love your reflection in the mirror? So we need to act! Determine what features you are dissatisfied with, make a plan with points in which you describe how you can correct this or that problem. Now that you have this plan in place, get to work!
Complexes or imperfect appearance
In fact, your lack of confidence in your own appearance may just be a complex that someone once instilled in you. They pointed out some “flaw” to you and you believed it.
Many of your “imperfections” that you are embarrassed about may not be noticed at all by people or not considered as such. Such self-doubt indicates low self-esteem, and a visit to a psychologist can normalize the situation.
Probably, many have heard stories about stars who, having a beautiful appearance, were dissatisfied with themselves or had complexes about their fading youth, going under the knife of a plastic surgeon. As a result, the appearance, which seemed standard to millions of people, was simply ruined. Such celebrities include Renee Zellweger, Lara Flynn Boyle, Melanie Griffith, Meg Ryan and many others. Surely, these women decided to undergo surgery, ceasing to consider themselves beautiful. Look at the photos of these actresses before plastic surgery, and see that their claims to themselves were very far-fetched.
What are the advantages of an imperfect appearance?
Does your ex say you're ugly? This does not mean at all that it is so. This is just the opinion of one person, and there are 7 billion of them on the planet. If you yourself consider yourself ugly, then try to find the advantages in your imperfect appearance. They may be as follows:
- You can be sure that they love you not for your pretty appearance, but for something more important and serious. They love you, not what you look like.
- You have an extra incentive to develop and move forward.
- And sometimes what you consider to be your shortcoming - freckles, for example, can be liked by others and make you stand out from the crowd.
The fact remains: “ugliness” is only in the head, but absolutely every young lady can make herself interesting and attractive. The less a woman is fixated on complexes about her appearance, the more intelligent, tolerant and reliable she is for men.
How to understand that you are a beautiful girl
One of the main criteria in this matter is the compliments of others. If people periodically note the advantages of your appearance, then apparently you are really beautiful.
There are simply no specific beauty templates. The ideal changes every decade, and every culture has completely different ideas about female beauty.
However, note that beauty does not always translate into charisma, charm, sexuality or intelligence. It’s great if you have undeniable external and internal advantages, but if you are deprived of physical beauty, you can be no less successful in all areas of life than written beauties.
Surely, you have often heard stories about how men leave their beautiful wives for seemingly completely inconspicuous people. Many people ask the question: “What did he find in her?”, but when you watch such women in person, everything becomes obvious - they are so charming, smart, sexy and attractive that external “ordinariness” ceases to be so.
And this effect happens quite often. You may hear about some woman that he is very beautiful, but when you see her at the first second, you don’t understand everyone’s admiration. Once you start observing such a woman, you suddenly also begin to notice her beauty. It's all about charm - you're not born with it, but actively develop it.
How to love yourself if I'm fat
If excess weight really upsets you, then there is only one way out - to get rid of it. You may think that you are already doing everything possible, but the hated kilograms remain in place. This means that this is not true and you are not doing your best, in other words, you are not trying hard enough.
Girls who cannot lose weight are either not motivated enough or have health problems. To exclude the second option, get examined by an endocrinologist, nutritionist, or gastroenterologist.
Set yourself a deadline within which you need to lose weight. For example, you can read stories of girls who got rid of personal weight. There are many groups in this area on VK, where you can see the “Before” and “After” results, and make sure that with the right degree of desire and perseverance, you can also achieve the desired forms.
What should I do if I have an ugly face (long nose, bad skin, small breasts)
Many believe that at least 50 percent of beauty consists of other qualities - not the nose or breasts. If you have well-groomed hair, clear skin, healthy teeth and a slim body, then you can at least be considered a pretty girl or woman. All of these points are quite achievable if you really want it.
There are several large sites on the Internet where girls leave detailed reviews with photographs about how they managed to grow their hair or bring it to its ideal condition. There you will also find information about skin care, sports activities and healthy diets.
There is also a lot of information on the Internet on how to visually smooth out certain imperfections.
Plastic surgery is the solution
If this is not enough for you, and some part of the body or face is seriously poisoning your life, it seems that it is time to think about surgical intervention. Many women, for example, having undergone rhinoplasty, admit that they really regret that they did not take this step earlier. Contact a specialist and find out his opinion - is surgery really necessary for you?
Consider possible risks. If plastic surgery is your only option, then choose your clinic carefully. Look for real reviews, try to get in touch with the institution’s clients through a social network, asking them about all the “pitfalls” of the operation. Often, such interventions are not cheap, and if you do not have the required amount, then this is not a reason to be upset. Many clinics perform the operation on credit, “splitting” the payment into several payments.
I don't like my height - I'm too tall or short
Whatever your height, look for the positives in it. Tall and short stature are good in their own way. Tall girls often envy their miniature friends, and they, on the contrary, are dissatisfied with their diminutiveness, dreaming of adding more than a dozen centimeters to their height.
To make it easier to gain self-confidence, find information about celebrities who are about the same height as you. They often look great and don't seem to have any self-esteem problems at all. See what these stars wear, what style and hairstyles they prefer, and try to get closer to these canons.
Diagnostics
Endocrinologists are most often involved in identifying the causes of coarsening facial features. Taking into account the identified symptoms, the patient may be referred for consultation to an orthopedist, infectious disease specialist, or dermatologist. During the interview, the specialist finds out when the symptom appeared, which parts of the face underwent changes, and how quickly the manifestations progressed.
As part of the external examination, the doctor evaluates the proportions of the face and body, detects an increase in the size and deformation of individual structures, and identifies other symptoms: infiltrates, blue or reddening of the skin, dilated blood vessels. Women undergo a gynecological examination. An additional examination program may include:
- Hormone analysis
. It is the main study for confirming acromegaly, masculinization and virile syndrome. In case of acromegaly, the level of somatotropin is examined after an oral glucose test, and insulin-like growth factor is determined. Women are tested for cortisol, testosterone, follicle-stimulating and luteinizing hormones. - MRI of the pituitary gland.
Acromegaly and some variants of virile syndrome are caused by pituitary tumors. The study makes it possible to detect even small neoplasias ranging in size from 1-3 mm. - Sonography
. Necessary for suspected hormonally active neoplasia causing hyperandrogenism. An ultrasound of the female genital organs and an ultrasound examination of the adrenal glands are performed. - Studies in mucopolysaccharidoses
. Urine tests are performed to determine glycosaminoglycans, and enzyme activity is studied. Patients are referred for consultations to a psychiatrist, cardiologist, gastroenterologist and other specialists. - Radiography
. Indicated for patients with mucopolysaccharidosis. Confirms the presence of skeletal deformities characteristic of a particular type of disease. It makes it possible to determine the severity of orthopedic disorders and select the optimal treatment tactics. - Tests for leprosy
. To detect mycobacteria of leprosy, a bacterioscopic examination of skin scrapings at the site of the lesion, a histological analysis of the tissue of the lymph nodes and leprosy tubercles are carried out. To differentiate the form of leprosy, a test for lepromin, tests with mustard plaster, histamine, and nicotinic acid are performed. - Tests for rhinophyma
. Microscopy confirms a large number of epithelial cells and sebum. To confirm the diagnosis and exclude oncological lesions, cytological and histological examinations are performed.
Examination by an endocrinologist
How to live as an ugly woman
What to do to love yourself
Realize that there is no other you in the world and that’s great! Perhaps your appearance really does have some shortcomings, but why did you decide that they deserve more attention than your advantages?
Pay attention to your strengths, highlight them, and focus on them. Behave confidently, and this will have a positive effect on the attitude of others. Probably, many girls have noticed this phenomenon: a girl who is ugly in your opinion behaves confidently and even a little defiantly, and at the same time she has a wonderful personal life, and many fans seek her attention. Self-confidence sometimes attracts much more than external beauty.
Tricks of makeup and transformation using clothes
There are many videos on the Internet that clearly demonstrate how even the most homely person can turn into a model from the cover of a magazine after applying makeup correctly. Now there are many techniques, affordable cosmetic products and salon treatments that can significantly change your appearance for the better. Watch some video tutorials and you will see that these skills are not difficult to master!
Clothing, like makeup, is designed not only to hide nudity from others and to escape the cold, but also to draw attention to your winning sides, highlight your skin tone, visually enhance hair color, add or hide volumes in the right areas. places and the like.
Determine your color type using numerous tables on the Internet and read which shades will suit you. It is quite possible that previously, for some reason, you avoided, for example, the color pink, without even suspecting that combinations with it were most suitable for you.
Treatment
Conservative therapy
The tactics of conservative therapy are determined by the etiology of the coarsening of facial features:
- Acromegaly
. To normalize the level of somatotropic hormone, somatostatin analogues are used. Patients are prescribed dopamine agonists, sex hormones, radiation therapy or gamma therapy to the pituitary gland. - Masculinization
. For virile syndrome, glucocorticosteroids, antiestrogens, and biguanides can be used. Women with hyperandrogenism are recommended to take oral contraceptives that provide an antiandrogenic effect. - Mucopolysaccharidoses
. Treatment is symptomatic only, the treatment program is determined taking into account existing disorders, and may include the prevention of respiratory infections, correction of hearing and vision impairment. - Leprosy
. The basis of treatment is long courses of sulfone drugs with their periodic replacement. Adaptogens, vitamins, immunocorrectors, antibiotics, and hepatoprotectors are indicated. To maximize the preservation of the functions of the musculoskeletal system, mechanotherapy, massage, and exercise therapy are performed. - Alcoholism
. For alcohol dependence, medicinal and non-medicinal coding, psychotherapeutic influence, and social rehabilitation are carried out.
Neck laxity
The main signs of neck aging are:
- the appearance of wrinkles on the neck - “rings of Venus” (for more information about the “rings of Venus” see here);
- decreased skin elasticity;
- platysma bands.
A universal method for correcting age-related changes in the neck is biorevitalization. The technique provides instant results and a long-lasting rejuvenation effect. As a result, tissues are tightened, wrinkles are smoothed out, and the water balance in the deep layers of the skin is restored. Compositions with hyaluronic acid, antioxidants, and amino acids are widely used.
Reasons for self-harm
One of our strongest natural instincts is the instinct of self-preservation. Why do people start doing something so unnatural - mutilating their own bodies and causing themselves pain? There can be many reasons, and first of all, these are the above-mentioned risk factors.
- Severe mental disorders: depression, bipolar affective disorder, schizophrenia. With such diseases, the emotions and experiences that the patient experiences can be so strong and painful that he is unable to cope with them on his own, and in order to somehow survive these unbearable sensations, people often cause bodily harm to themselves.
- Neurodivergence . With both attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism spectrum disorders, people often need stimming (repetitive actions) or autostimulation. Let's say, if a person with ADHD finds himself in conditions where he needs to sit in one place for a long time, he looks for at least some way out of his hyperactivity and begins, for example, picking at his hands. For people on the autism spectrum, self-harm can be a way to distract from sensory overload and try to calm down and focus.
- Difficulties in emotional regulation. These problems often arise during puberty, when young people are just learning to understand and control their emotions and they do not always succeed (including due to changes in hormonal levels and the maturation of the cerebral cortex). But sometimes difficulties with managing emotions appear not only in connection with natural physiological processes, but also as a result of various pathologies - for example, with borderline personality disorder.
Most often, self-injurious behavior serves three main functions:
1. Coping with strong emotions. That is, transform emotional pain into physical pain and thus cope with it more effectively. We all understand what to do with a bruise or cut, but not always with mental pain, especially if the feeling goes off scale.
2. Try to feel at least something. With depression, sensory overload, and depersonalization, the patient often has a poor sense of his own body, and “painful dullness” occurs, which is regarded as a rather unpleasant feeling. Self-harm helps you regain a sense of connection and control over your body.
3. Punish yourself. If a person suffers from his own worthlessness, loneliness, and experiences feelings of guilt and shame, self-harm seems to help pay for his own mistakes.
What should I do if I feel worse than before? It’s harder for me to work and get everything done
– Age and ability to work are not connected in any way. All other things being equal, at 70 years old a person can be just as productive as at 30.
Take the last two American presidents. , Trump was 71 years old (at that time an absolute record for the first person of the United States), Biden was 78 (breaking Trump’s record by 7 years). They successfully carried out exhausting election campaigns, and the country voted for them.
If a person has a reduced ability to work compared to another period of life, you need to look for what is causing this. This could be a psychological problem, or a health issue. For example, anemia (lack of red blood cells) may not be noticeable at first, but may cause fatigue. Or the reason is related to a decrease in thyroid function. You need to go to a therapist. There is a basic screening program that identifies possible causes of these conditions.
At the age of 30 years, 10% of people have hypertension, at the age of 60 years – in 50–60%. But a person without hypertension at 30 and a person without hypertension at 60 are equally able to work, and if they have it, they are equally disabled.
Due to the fact that the number of people with diseases increases with age, it seems that the cause of loss of ability to work is age, although it is not the problem, but the diseases.
