- June 19, 2019
- Psychology of communication
- Angelica Braldi
How to learn to communicate with men? This issue worries not only young girls, it is also relevant for middle-aged women. Why is this topic so interesting? It’s not difficult to attract a man’s attention, especially for those who are young and confident, but how to keep him? What to talk about? What to interest? If, as a rule, there are no difficulties in communication with peers, then in relationships with an older man they appear very often.
Women who have been married for many years, oddly enough, also face this problem. One not particularly wonderful morning, they wake up with the thought that they have absolutely nothing to talk about with their spouse.
The question of how a woman can communicate correctly with a man is also of interest to those ladies who often have to deal with representatives of the stronger sex due to their official duties. What if you have to host your loved one’s friends? How to talk to them? How to behave? After all, you want to make a good impression.
Psychology has been studying the question of how to properly communicate with men for a very long time. Even before the advent of psychologists, philosophers and thinkers, writers, and poets dealt with this issue. Accordingly, a lot of knowledge has accumulated, which formed the basis of various psychological techniques that allow women to properly structure their communication with representatives of the stronger sex.
What should you forget about once and for all?
The phrase: “I don’t know how to communicate with men” is a taboo. You can’t just say that, you shouldn’t even think in that way. Of course, you need to be able to admit your shortcomings and be aware of your problems. But not in this case and not in this formulation.
Firstly, a thought has the ability to materialize, and even when expressed out loud it is a judgment. Thinking in this way, a woman lowers her own self-esteem, gains self-doubt and aggravates the difficulties that arise when communicating with representatives of the stronger sex. There is no need to brand yourself, because loss of confidence deprives you of attractiveness. It is better to utter utter nonsense with a royal posture and a raised chin than to discuss topics that are relevant and interesting to a man with drooping shoulders and an ingratiating, questioning gaze.
“I don’t know how to communicate with men - what should I do?” - this is not about a woman. This is about a “gray stocking” who doesn’t notice anything around him except the pages of encyclopedias, statistical indicators of economic growth or something similar.
Starting with such a statement is unlikely to make tangible progress. Successful communication between representatives of different sexes is based on flirtation, coquetry, ease and naturalness. You can’t approach it as a lesson that needs to be memorized and answered “excellent” at the board. There are no strict rules and restrictions; the correct manner of communication does not need to be learned, but felt intuitively. And in intuition and feelings, every woman is an expert from birth. But even the most experienced expert sometimes needs a couple of tips that will help him correctly assess the situation and achieve the desired result.
Small tricks - big results
How to learn to communicate with men? It’s very simple: you need to learn from the stronger sex. Of course, you don’t need to approach the man you like with a notebook and pencil, ready to take notes on a lecture on the art of communication.
You need to be more cunning and simply observe both the stronger sex in general and the person you like. You need to notice everything - demeanor, reactions, gestures, facial expressions, taste preferences, volume of speech. There are no insignificant trifles, when a person behaves naturally, he completely opens up, like a book, all that remains is to read it and draw conclusions.
The ability to observe, notice and analyze is the first female trick.
You should not approach a man and start a conversation with him. Everyone knows about this, although modern emancipated young ladies usually do not agree with this rule. What to do? You need to create an accident, thanks to which a man will have no choice but to meet and start communicating with a woman. The highest aerobatics is to create a situation in which a representative of the stronger sex feels like a knight on a white horse. How to do it? There are no limits to your imagination. You can accidentally trip on the escalator next to him or “bump into” a person in a cafe.
Creating situations is the second female trick.
But how to communicate with a man correctly? The answer is paradoxical: this must be done silently. Of course, you shouldn’t be silent in the literal sense of the word, but you need to make sure that the man speaks. You shouldn’t be sure that women’s chatter delights the stronger sex. You should not conduct a monologue, but skillfully manage the dialogue, filling pauses and asking leading questions that stimulate men's stories. Of course, you need to listen carefully: sometimes representatives of the stronger sex can be frank and give out a lot of useful information about themselves.
The ability to remain silent and listen is the third female trick.
If a woman makes them her habit, then she will never have questions about how to learn to communicate with men.
Connect your empathy
I have mentioned this unique quality many times. Empathy is given to every girl by nature. Learn to empathize and support your chosen one. So, in the future you will create a strong union and be able to exert a hypnotic influence on your loved one.
How to understand a man? What's the best way to feel it? Develop your spiritual rating, express gratitude to your companion. Even if you just started dating, give him compliments and emphasize his importance to you. What phrases exactly please men's ears? You will find tips in the articles under the heading “Secrets of Dating and First Dates.”
Features of male psychology
Who are men at their core? On the one hand, each of them considers himself an alpha male and a breadwinner, a hunter, and on the other, they are all big children. Of course, this is a very exaggerated assessment of the characteristics inherent in the psychology of the stronger sex. Each man is a unique personality, with his own inner world. However, to build communication tactics, highlighting and taking into account stereotypical features is quite enough.
How to learn to communicate with men, because they are so different from women? No difficulties will arise in this if you do not forget that the woman is not a friend, but a “male”, “hunter”, “child”.
How does this affect communication? Men are comfortable and interested in the woman who makes them feel significant. How can this be achieved in practice? It is necessary to structure conversations in such a way that a man feels like a leader, while constantly fighting for the elusive attention of a woman and having the opportunity to show off his “toys.”
Don't overact
Many girls, already on the first date, without knowing it, put an end to the development of further relationships. They want to seem bright, interesting, charismatic. For example, they may laugh too loudly, even if it is not very funny, or they may burst into tears at the mention of homeless animals. It turns out to be a one-man show, but the guy came on a date.
Your task is to interest your companion with your sincerity and ability to be yourself. Even if you make a splash by playing the role of a chic lady well, then you will have to constantly wear a “mask”. And this is fraught with big problems in the future, including neuroses and depression.
How to communicate on the Internet?
How to communicate with a man on dating sites, social networks, online games, on thematic forums? This question is extremely important these days. The Internet gives women the opportunity to find love or simply meet an interesting interlocutor far from home or work.
The basic rules of communication in the virtual space are no different from building a conversation in real life. But, of course, there are also some nuances. First, you should forget about generalizations. If in real life the phrase “about nothing” is supplemented by body language, facial expressions, gestures and is a stimulus for fantasy and arousing interest, then in the virtual space it acts exactly the opposite.
The lack of specifics leads, firstly, to a loss of interest of a particular interlocutor, and secondly, to an expansion of the audience. For example, if a woman’s page does not indicate her age, then both “ancient elders” and teenagers will write to her. If there is no good, clear photograph, both “lovers” of fat women and those who care about the numbers on the scale will begin to worry about her. In the absence of information about habits, fans of a healthy lifestyle and those who spend their evenings in billiard rooms will turn to them for a glass of beer.
What's bad about it? The only thing is that with an abundance of options, most of which are not of interest, the woman loses her “target audience.”
The conversation itself is structured the same way as in life. A man needs to be listened to, approved of his thoughts, laughed at his jokes, admired in moderation and, of course, shown interest in his “toys.” It is the achievements and hobbies of men that are the main topics for communication in the virtual space. Only by telling “about his beloved self” will he not lose interest in communication and will want to transfer it to real life.
Listen to him
How to become a good conversationalist for a man? Listen to him carefully. If you chatter incessantly, the guy will simply get tired of you and will look forward to the end of the date.
Find out about his interests and hobbies. Even if you don’t understand aircraft modeling, the main thing is to show interest in the topic. And the interlocutor can no longer be stopped. This is elementary psychology - a person first of all likes to talk about himself. When your companion enthusiastically talks about airplane models, as if by chance, repeat his gestures. On a subconscious level, your interlocutor will remember your “secret signs” and he will want to see you again.
Should we talk about children and marriage?
A similar question often arises among those who want to understand how to communicate with a man in order to start a family. On the one hand, I want to indicate my own serious attitude towards “true values” and evoke respect from a representative of the stronger sex, but on the other hand, won’t he run away?
Of course, all people are different. If the acquaintance initially took place with the goal of starting a family, it is possible that children need to be talked about. However, it is better not to do this. A man by his psychological nature is a hunter. Listening to the interlocutor describe a house with a white fence, a couple of cheerful kids and a golden Labrador on the lawn by the porch, he will not be touched at all. Intuitively, a representative of the stronger sex will feel that he is being “driven into a trap”, that it is not he who is being “hunted”, but him. And this will cause a strong negative emotional outburst, the man will become very uncomfortable, and he will stop communicating.
How to react if a man himself starts talking about children and marriage?
What to do if a man is interested in such topics? Laugh it off? Ignore? In no case. The representative of the stronger sex did not just start asking questions; the woman’s attitude to the topics of family and marriage is important to him.
But his curiosity is of a general nature; with his questions he does not call you down the aisle and does not invite you to start arranging the nursery. There is no need to describe your love for children and talk about your passionate desire to have them. Suffice it to say that sometimes such thoughts come to mind, but when and how exactly they will come true is a question. With this turn of the conversation, the man’s hunting passion will be stimulated, and not suppressed.
However, you need to understand that communication between a woman and a man does not have clear rules, patterns or stereotypes. If you have an intuitive feeling that something should be said or done, there is no need to suppress it just because psychologists do not recommend doing so.
Speed up your learning process!
Focus on developing your communication skills. To begin with, try to express your thoughts briefly and give the interlocutor the opportunity to speak out. Make sure you don't overwhelm others in the conversation.
To learn how to express yourself better, pay attention to how television talk show hosts interact with their guests and viewers in the studio. Watch their facial expressions, gestures, glances, and postures. Watch how these experienced communicators adjust the pace of their speech and the pitch of their voices to capture the full attention of the audience.
A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about you. Lisa Kirk, American singer and musical comedy actress (1925–1990)
If we embrace other people's experiences and strive to develop, we can become a good communicator in a short period of time. Start improving your communication skills immediately!
Conclusion. You are unlucky in love when you are considered a bad conversationalist. But if you learn to have easy and relaxed conversations, “tune in to the wavelength” of a possible partner, you will definitely be lucky in love.
He is older: how to build relationships
How to learn to communicate with an older man? This is a very difficult question with no concrete answer. You need to start from a certain situation. Firstly, it is important to know what age difference we are talking about. If there are 15-20 years between a woman and a man, then communication is based on general principles, there are no peculiarities in it.
But what if, for example, the girl is 16 and the man is 60? Of course, there are not so many such couples, but nevertheless, romances between people with an age difference of 30 years or more do happen. How to keep the attention of such a man?
First, you need to understand the nature of the relationship, its essence. A young woman may completely misjudge the romance that has broken out. An older man’s plans may well completely exclude communication and be limited only to “quality sex.” If this is so, it is worth thinking about whether such a novel is necessary? Assess the prospects of the relationship. There will always be someone younger, more attractive, more relaxed, and the woman will remain “out of work.” If there is a desire to take the relationship in a serious direction, then you will have to make a lot of effort. What they will be depends on the specific situation.
In general, the specificity of communicating with older people is that they grew up in different conditions, they have their own interests, humor, and habits. This is reminiscent of communicating with a foreigner or an extraterrestrial. And this is exactly how it should be approached.
As a rule, most advice from psychologists concerns questions about what is interesting to a man and how a young girl can understand them. However, if we consider communication as a clash of different cultures, which it actually is, then a rather interesting nuance emerges. On the one hand, a woman can learn something, discover something new for herself, but on the other hand, a man also makes discoveries in such communication.
It is worth taking advantage of this and building communication not on tricks and tricks, but on the mutual exchange of information, experience, and interests. An older man is familiar with all female techniques, so maybe it’s worth surprising him and not using them?
How to learn to communicate with men when dating?
It often happens that a woman does not experience any problems when communicating with men, but gets lost the moment she meets a handsome representative of the stronger sex. For example, he may start chatting incessantly and constantly giggle, or be overly rude, cynical, and harsh.
This is a manifestation of excitement. An adult, intelligent and experienced man understands perfectly well that such behavior is generally unusual for a girl, and simply waits it out. But not all men at the moment of meeting are ready to think about whether a woman is really so eccentric or not. And many of them are not at all confident in their own irresistibility, and therefore cannot imagine that they are causing excitement and confusion.
What to do? How can you cope with yourself and not do something stupid? You need to talk less and listen more. You should ask questions, not “read monologues.” But of course, when you ask about something, you need to listen carefully to the answer. It is also important not to abuse alcohol. Alcohol is liberating, but it also contributes to a loss of control.
The only difficulty that actually arises when communicating at the initial stage is your own anxiety. This is what needs to be dealt with. There are no templates for how to conduct a conversation.
Personal space
You should not completely occupy all his free time, do only what is interesting to your lover. After all, there is a risk that soon the mistress will turn into a second wife, who will also become uninteresting, he will consider her a read book and completely his own.
You need to periodically leave him alone, go away with friends for a few days, disappear from social networks, turn off your phone and not tell him where you were and how you spent your time. After all, the mistress has the right to this. The man leaves for his wife and she does not ask what he is doing with her there. So why shouldn’t she live for herself. A mistress who is too open and reports to her beloved about her every step soon becomes boring and becomes like his wife, and the one who sometimes disappears from his life for at least a few days and does not report on her movements is interesting, he is afraid of losing her.
You might even make him a little jealous. This is not about betrayal, but about simple flirting, innocent communication. After all, every man is a hunter, an owner and will not tolerate a rival; he is afraid of losing such a woman. And for a mistress, flirting on the side will be useful: she will be convinced that she is still attractive to men, she will be able to relax a little and get a charge of positive emotions. Or maybe it is during such flirting that he will find a bachelor with whom he can later build the relationship of his dreams.
These were tips on how to behave with a married lover, and then we will consider those situations and forms of behavior that should not be allowed.
The importance of first impressions. Practical advice
Many famous psychologists, such as Dale Carnegie, emphasize the importance of first impressions. You shouldn’t neglect their advice when meeting a man.
If a woman is worried, she needs:
- smile, sincerely and a little mysteriously, but by no means constantly;
- speak not too loudly, so that the man can hear without straining;
- look into the eyes of the interlocutor, and not to the side or down;
- do not violate personal spatial boundaries;
- talk less about yourself and listen more;
- interrupt the meeting first, citing some circumstance and expressing regret about ending the meeting.
These are very simple and effective ways that will help not only cope with internal tremors, but also leave a lasting impression on yourself. After spending an evening with a woman who behaves this way, a man will begin to miss her even before she has time to fall asleep.
How to learn to communicate correctly with male colleagues?
This question is very sensitive. It’s a rare woman who doesn’t sigh, looking with envy at how another easily builds a career or shifts the fulfillment of her responsibilities to men.
Communication with colleagues involves two main options:
- "your boyfriend";
- "beautiful woman".
The first option implies adherence to the principles of gender equality and completely excludes the perception by men of an employee as a woman. They see her as a colleague and friend with whom they can gossip, run to lunch, go to the bar after the end of the working day. If a woman is treated like this, there is no need to expect men to open doors, pay bills or help with anything.
Another option for building relationships is based on flirting. The woman who follows him should show her helplessness, admire the successes of her colleagues, give compliments, emphasize their masculinity, strength, and intelligence. This line of behavior evokes a “knightly reflex.” I want to help a woman like this. But there are also disadvantages to positioning yourself this way - envy and anger on the part of female colleagues, an abundance of gossip and the likelihood that some of the men will decide that they can go beyond flirting.
So how to communicate correctly with colleagues? The way it's convenient. Unfortunately, it is impossible to combine both options for building relationships with men at work. However, when choosing the “beautiful woman” type of behavior, it is important not to get too carried away and forget that those around you are colleagues, and not potential suitors.
