How to communicate with an introvert: basic rules and advice from a psychologist

• December 15, 2019
• Psychology of relationships
• Yulia Tershak

Psychologists divide people into two psychotypes: extroverts and introverts. An extrovert is an open, sociable person, easily adapts to any conditions, loves noisy companies and parties. An introvert is someone who loves solitude, silence, peace - publicity is not his element. He is focused on his inner world, receiving energy from a state of calm.

General characteristics of an introvert

The first description of two radically opposite types of people belongs to the famous psychologists Jung and Eysenck. They distinguished extroverts, as people focused on the external world, and introverts, as people focused primarily on the phenomena of internal life. Therefore, to the question: who is an introvert, we answer that this is a person for whom his thoughts, fantasies, reasoning are much more important than the real events occurring in life.

An extrovert is in the thick of things. He first perceives signals from reality, and then turns them into thoughts and impressions. The peculiarities of an emotional introvert are that for him the background of his internal state and what is happening around him is primary, he perceives not directly, but through a prism, as if looking out of a window. “At home” he is only alone with himself, with others he is always “away”. And when visiting, we are always tense, we monitor our words, actions, and other people’s reactions, and this tires us.

What is the difference between an introvert and an extrovert?

These two concepts were introduced by the author of analytical psychology, Carl Jung. According to his definition, introverts are focused on their own inner world, and extroverts are focused on the outer world. The difference between these two personality types is significant. Some people need solitude, others constantly need communication.

Most people are extroverts (to varying degrees). They constantly strive to communicate, look for new acquaintances, love to be the center of attention (telling jokes in noisy companies, singing karaoke). There are much fewer introverts - about 20% of the population. They would prefer to be alone, to be alone with nature, to calmly think about their next idea or plans for life.

A characteristic feature of introverts is a high level of responsibility. They strive to be punctual and take any task extremely seriously. In most non-public speaking activities, introverts tend to be valuable and productive employees.

It is important to consider that personality type is almost impossible to change. You can work with a personal psychotherapist for a long time, get rid of complexes and increase sociability. But you still won’t be able to become a real extrovert.

Signs of an introvert

There are many differences between an extrovert and an introvert. While “externals” jump from topic to topic, quickly make 100,500 friends, solve hundreds of cases at the same time and do not finish what they started. “Internalists” solve the same problems thoughtfully, deeply, obtaining a result calculated in advance.

• Difficulties in communication. Contacts with other people are not easy. Therefore, slight tension may be felt.
• They love loneliness and can be alone with themselves for a long time;
• Observation. They analyze events, processes, people for a long time;
• Patience;
• They think, and then they speak or act.
• Often touchy;
• They become attached to people for a long time, because... they “let” people into their personal space for a long time;
• Developed imagination, often fantasize.

Advantages and disadvantages

It is rare to meet an introvert who would be happy with this feature of his. Usually people are very worried about her and secretly envy extroverts.

This is no wonder. Indeed, in the modern world, in order to succeed, you need to have pronounced extroverted traits: sociability, determination, high stress resistance, dominance. It seems as if there is simply no place for introverts. By the way, according to modern data, they are only about 20% of the total population of the Earth.

However, it is not. Introversion, like any other phenomenon, has its advantages and disadvantages. If you properly develop your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses, you can achieve incredible heights in life.

Let's start with the advantages - there are not so few of them:

1. Introverts are efficient, neat, and responsible. They tend to finish everything they start. This makes them good employees.
2. They are distinguished by high creativity, unconventional thinking, and often have outstanding talents.
3. There are a large number of geniuses among introverts.
4. In interpersonal relationships, they are distinguished by devotion, reliability, sensitivity, and the ability to empathize. In communication partners they tend to notice even the most minor changes in mood, understatement, and easily read the state of their interlocutor.
5. Introverts are self-sufficient and easily tolerate isolation from other people.
6. As a rule, they have more developed intuition than extroverts and ambiverts.
7. They are highly trainable. At school they are often excellent students.

And now about the disadvantages:

1. Communication problems can lead introverts to social anxiety.
2. They are divorced from reality and live in their own fictional world. They have their head in the clouds while their lives fall into desolation.
3. Self-doubt and low self-esteem are frequent companions of introversion.
4. They are suspicious and often attribute to people a negative attitude towards themselves.
5. They adapt less well to new conditions.
6. Introverts have difficulty with self-realization because they prefer to be in the shadows.

Don't take shortcomings too seriously. As I already said, their manifestations can be significantly compensated. To do this, you only need a strong desire and active work on yourself.

Let's summarize. Introverts are subtle and creative people who are characterized by high sensitivity and all facets of experiences. They must focus on developing precisely these qualities.

Their weaknesses are associated with the inability to resist negative thoughts and experiences, low resistance to stress, and poor self-regulation. Introverts need to work on increasing self-esteem, reducing anxiety, and developing positive thinking.

The main characteristics of an introvert

Signs of introversion are expressed as follows:

• There is no desire for new acquaintances. There is no need to think that introverts are unsociable. They just don’t strive to expand their social circle; family and friends are enough for them.
• In a large company there is no desire to communicate. Introverts are good at articulating thoughts and are excellent conversationalists. But if they happen to get into a big company, they prefer to remain silent for fear of being the center of attention.
• Large crowds cause discomfort. For people with this type of character, being in large crowds of people is real torture. Finding himself at a party or in a noisy establishment with friends, an introvert looks forward to the “end of the banquet.”
• Exams and interviews are scary. Communication with strangers is already discomfort. And the fear of failure multiplies negative emotions. Therefore, any exams and interviews cause a lot of stress for an introvert.
• Honesty and loyalty are of utmost importance. If an introvert considers a person a friend, he values ​​him highly and does not seek benefits in this relationship. His friendship can be considered the most sincere and devoted.
• Telephone conversations are tiring and annoying. Isn't it easier to send a text message?
• All plans are well thought out. An extrovert tends to make spontaneous decisions. After going out to buy bread, he can meet friends and go to the club. An introvert is not inclined to change plans, and even a meeting with close friends should be planned in advance.

Cons of being an extrovert

Recklessness

People with an extroverted psychotype do not tend to think about their actions for a long time. They do not like to plan and try to do everything at once, they live for today. As a rule, extroverts are decisive and proactive, so they take on any task without thinking about the consequences. This is due to reasons such as:

• fear of missing out on a good moment;
• fear of appearing useless;
• escape from boredom and routine;
• the desire to be the best, to achieve success and approval.

Sometimes impulsiveness brings benefits to an extrovert, but more often it pushes him to rash actions with undesirable consequences. Due to his innate gambling, he always takes risks, overestimating his own chances, and can get into a fight and drag his company into it. He also often spends money thoughtlessly, in seconds he uses up resources that he has been accumulating for a long time.

Poor self-control

To understand who an extrovert is, you can imagine a chatty cartoon character from whom emotions are in full swing (the horse Julius from “Three Knights” or Donkey from “Shrek” will do). He rejoices even in small successes and does not hide his anger, fear, jealousy and other emotions. When angry, he can break or break something, without thinking about the consequences and the fact that he will scare others.

In a fit of joy, an extrovert can hug a stranger, which not everyone will like either.

It is important to him that everyone knows how he feels now. Therefore, he will try to make this information publicly available (for example, by playing loud music to suit his mood)

Impermanence

An extrovert strives for change all the time. It’s as if he is constantly in search of an ideal, changing such elements as:

• appearance and style
  (dyes hair, changes hairstyle, tries new styles of clothing, experiments with tattoos and piercings);
• furnishings
  (often rearranges furniture, refreshes the design, makes minor repairs, reorganizes the workspace);
• favorite activity
  (often changes hobbies and jobs, quits halfway through);
• people
  (continuously expands his social circle, loses interest in old friends, finds new ones).

The fickleness of an extrovert negatively affects his relationships with loved ones. He always has a lot of friends, he often becomes the “soul” of the company, but he usually does not have truly close friends.

Introvert Personality Types

Introverts are different too. Modern psychology divides them into two types:

Sensory. The main thing for such an introvert is achieving results. Values ​​accuracy and order, is neat, collected, operates with numbers and facts, and strictly follows the rules. Despite his introversion, he is not a dreamer. He copes with problems on his own, without anyone’s help.

Intuitive. The main thing for a person of this type is events, dreams about the future. He is inquisitive, can regularly change areas of activity, and is torn by contradictions. This introvert is easy to talk to. He's bored of fiddling around with little things, he'd rather take on something global.

Each type, in turn, can be divided into subtypes:

• Logical-sensory.
• Logical-intuitive.
• Ethical-sensory.
• Ethical-intuitive.

The connection between physiology and psychology

Psychologist Hans Jurgen Eysenck went further and studied the behavior of soldiers. Some were completely mentally healthy, while others were clearly neurotic. It turned out that they build a line of relationships with the outside world in exactly the same way, as Jung defined, but introverts are overly sensitive to external stimuli.

pexels

Therefore, for example, from a large crowd of people and noise, they quickly get physically tired. Extroverts, on the contrary, do not react and get excited quickly enough, so they physically require constant feeding from others. They are a kind of energy vampires.

What kind of work is suitable for introverts?

Choosing a profession is, in principle, very difficult. And when you need to adapt to your psychological personality type, complete confusion sets in.

Introverts get very tired from interacting with people too much. But they are extremely collected and responsible, distinguished by logical thinking. With such skills, it is not difficult to choose a profession to your liking, which will not tire you and bring you pleasure.

• work from home;
• copywriting, writing activities;
• working with databases;
• accounting;
• analytics;
• design;
• IT sphere;
• laboratory;
• the science;
• creation.

These areas to some extent provide an opportunity to demonstrate inner qualities. Some of the above require extreme concentration, while others allow you to work in a calm, familiar and comfortable environment. If you noticed, all of the above has practically nothing to do with people. An introvert will not need to force himself to constantly communicate with unfamiliar clients. He will do his job without any stress. Information belongs to the website Rev-Med.info

Back to Basics

Now you can find a wide variety of tests that allow you to determine what type of personality you are.

In fact, such psychological concepts as extraversion and introversion in the generally accepted variation have been simplified: the extrovert is sociable and active, the introvert is closed and thoughtful. However, everything is not so simple. In regaining lost meaning, these two personality types predominantly manifest themselves as follows:

Extrovert Introvert In communication: easily finds a common language with others; loves noisy events; tries to take a leading position; is interested in the lives of celebrities; knows a lot of jokes; depends on other people's opinions. selective; shy; silent; prefers quiet places; observes more than attracts attention; may have his own view of things, sometimes going against the generally accepted. In emotions: emotional; impulsive; expressive. restrained; controls emotions; compromise. In the worldview: practitioner; recognizes socially accepted trends; actively promotes what he believes in. philosopher; interested in spiritual issues and practices; does not impose his views on others. In the type of occupation he chooses the following areas: social; practical. scientific; technical;

It should be noted that not all of the listed characteristics are characteristic of every extrovert or introvert, especially since each of them has its own scale of manifestation. Depending on your upbringing, an extrovert can be either pleasant or unbearable.

The same is true for an introvert. However, a single characteristic of these psychotypes can be summarized as follows: a person who wants to communicate and is oriented towards socially accepted norms is an extrovert. A person who carefully chooses his friends and for whom his inner feelings are more important than external values ​​is an introvert.

Features of communication

Self-directed introverts have difficulty establishing contacts. Therefore, the features of their communication must be kept in mind:

• limit your social circle to a minimum;
• they don’t immediately let you in;
• distrustful;
• do not like surprises;
• react sharply to inattention from others if they begin to open up;
• stingy with emotions;
• do not take the first step in a relationship;
• do not like too intrusive questions;
• In their partners, they tend to notice well-reasoned statements and accuracy of reasoning, since they value the interlocutor precisely for his intelligence and analytical abilities.

Making the task easier

Then, you can continue to do this, gradually increasing your dialogue, making your questions more complex, and offering deeper compliments.

Do something every day that will relax you for communication and increase your comfort zone.

This can be done with everyone you meet today - from old and dirty-looking colleagues to strangers in the parking lot.

Personal qualities of an introvert

Reasonableness, thoroughness, the desire to plan and think through everything can also be considered signs of introverts. Although, in principle, representatives of an introverted personality can be very spontaneous, they do not show this quality too often and usually, on the contrary, are a little slow to rise. As a rule, introverts are diligent people who see no problem in doing painstaking, monotonous work.

When communicating, introverts prefer to think things through first and then talk. If such a person finds himself in a company that is too large for him (especially if there are strangers there), the introvert will rather observe than speak or act himself. From the outside, representatives of this personality type seem calm and unhurried; They are not characterized by broad gestures and overly expressive facial expressions. A usually quiet voice can also help identify an introvert.

Know yourself

Well, after reading this article, you have probably already determined which type you are.

If everything suits you, there are no problems, you are a happy person whose inclinations meet the world around you and the needs. But what to do if not everything in life suits you and you need to adapt to uncomfortable life tasks?

Here I will console you: extroverts do not always need constant communication, and introverts do not always need solitude. Very often we are pushed deeper into a psychotype by a simple inability to behave. And if you master communication skills or learn to occupy yourself without communication, then such a pastime may not be so unpleasant.

Sometimes it is very useful to expand your boundaries by immersing yourself in an unusual atmosphere. This way we will be able to understand other people better, and we will also learn a lot of interesting things about ourselves. So, determining your psychotype is only the first step. Next: master something new - this will expand your own capabilities. This is what those who achieve success do. But we all want to achieve success, right?

So I wish you pleasant communication and comfortable solitude!

Is it bad to be an introvert?

It is a common belief that being an introvert prevents people from achieving success in life. But when you find out which famous person is an introvert, you will be convinced that this opinion is wrong.

The list of famous introverts includes such figures as Steven Spielberg, Keanu Reeves, Barack Obama, Johnny Depp, Lady Gaga, Michael Jordan. This personality type went to businessmen Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Elon Musk, as well as politicians Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin and other famous historical figures are also considered introverts.

How did they achieve success, despite their natural reticence and shyness? The secret is that they have their own value system and are not inclined to focus on the opinions of others.

Having decided on their goals, people with an introverted personality type move towards them, not paying attention to criticism. This is what helps them in solving problems that seem insoluble to others. In addition, introverts are very persistent. Staying in a concentrated state for a long time, they are able to think through a strategy for solving a given problem and find the optimal path.

Or maybe they're okay?

The fact that introverts make up 30-50% of the population already suggests that there is absolutely no shame in being less social than other people, because it does not in any way affect whether you will be successful in your career or personal life. Mark Zuckerberg, Abraham Lincoln, Warren Buffett and many other world-famous personalities have positioned themselves as introverts, and Bill Gates once said in one of his public speeches: “If you are smart, you can find advantages in being introverted.”

Charles Darwin spent a lot of time alone in the woods and refused dinner parties with enviable regularity, and Theodor Geisel, known as Dr. Seuss, the children's book author and cartoonist, created many of his characters from his California backyard. He also avoided meeting children who read his books because he was afraid that he would not live up to their expectations and would be too ordinary, reserved for them.

The Hustle Edition

conducted interviews with introverts who occupy leadership positions, and this is how these people speak about their introversion:

“An introvert is someone who prefers to be isolated... Someone who is not necessarily antisocial, but someone who thrives on internal work processes.”

, - David Acosta, co-founder
of Rebel PR
“I feel refreshed and rejuvenated when I can spend time in silence on a regular basis.”

, - Dan Purcell, co-founder of
Ever in Touch
"Being an introvert doesn't mean you're a loser or socially awkward, it just means you need to be alone when others want to be with people."

, — Kevin Pascoe, co-founder
of Nested Naturals
In other words, introversion is not a signal that a person lacks social skills; It is likely that he has them in abundance, but he simply does not want to interact with others as often as extroverts do. Of course, it is necessary to cooperate, otherwise the union of introvert Steve Wozniak and extrovert Steve Jobs would not have arisen, but being alone is very valuable in itself, and for some it is also vital.

Pros and cons of character

To better understand an introvert who is stingy with emotions, you need to consider the pros and cons inherent in his character.

Pros of introverts:

• These are honest and frank people who will not lie to your face or dissemble in any way, but will say everything directly.
• They are able to fully devote themselves to work and focus on the tasks at hand.
• They are reliable and loyal friends who will not betray a loved one.
• These are creative individuals, which is why introverts most often become great writers, artists, and gamers.
• These are interesting and smart people. Most often, they become excellent students at school, because they spend more time at home, they study more, engage in self-development and expand their knowledge. Moreover, they do not forget about education with age, but continue to study further. They devote a lot of time to self-development.

Disadvantages of introverts:

• Secrecy, which leads to communication problems.
• Social phobia. They almost never leave the house, spending all their time in one place, because the world around them is too unpredictable and dangerous. Therefore, it is difficult to make friends with them.
• Introverts have a hard time finding a job they like. Working as a salesperson, manager or sales representative is not suitable for them, since these professions entail constant interaction with a large number of people. Office work is suitable for such people. They also make good writers, architects, and copywriters.

What prevents you from making acquaintances?

Remembering myself during the “period of loneliness”, I am amazed at how many problems I had. To people who have not experienced such difficulties, these troubles may seem like a whim, but from the inside they looked like an absolutely insurmountable obstacle.

Secondly, because I needed people, I tried my best to please them. I tried to adapt to their style of communication, smile more often, listen more. These efforts created a lot of tension and anxiety, I felt that I was losing autonomy, that I was getting too involved in other people’s affairs, that it was difficult for me to defend my interests. I felt comfortable being left alone, when I didn’t have to pretend to be friendly and interested.

Thirdly, since communication gave me a lot of stress, it often turned out crooked: I joked not funny and felt stupid; I started to tell something, but they interrupted me, and I felt wounded; I spoke too frankly and they laughed at me. Such “misfires” gave rise to a lot of shame, and shame is an unbearable feeling. Therefore, I quickly concluded that something was wrong with my new acquaintances. They are boring, rude, devoid of a sense of humor and tact, and not cats at all!

Vasya Lozhkin knows a lot about cats

All this led to a concrete conclusion. Few people can understand me. This is only available to select people who are almost impossible to find. As for the girl I am capable of loving (and who is capable of loving me), she is the only one on the entire planet, and you won’t see her very much. And if you meet us, you will immediately understand it: “Love jumped out in front of us, like a killer jumps out of the ground in an alley, and struck us both at once! That’s how lightning strikes, that’s how a Finnish knife strikes!”

It’s so amazing how ridiculous ideas about love can be :)

I think now you understand why I was alone for so long.

At the same time, I was easily able to build relationships with people at work and school. There you could take a closer look at the person, find a business (read, safe) reason to meet him and get to know him better. Sometimes these acquaintances developed into friendships, but even with friends I did not like to spend much time.

How to communicate with an introvert?

Basic instruction on communicating with a closed psychotype.

Respect his personal space, show a sense of tact. For example, enter his room only after knocking and his permission.

Don't expect him to be willing to spend time together 24/7. The less he is alone with himself, the more closed and passive he becomes during meetings.

Plan joint activities in advance, warning him at least a day in advance, and better yet, a week/month in advance.

Don't force him to be more active, cheerful, sociable. It will likely close even more after this.

Develop personally. For an introvert, it is very important to see smart, good-natured people next to you.

Don’t expect a violent emotional reaction from him, especially in public. He will open up completely only in private with those he trusts.

Support him, be there for him in awkward moments. Introverts find it easier to be around strangers if they have someone close to them. Information belongs to the website Rev-Med.info

Related posts:

1. Hysteria: how does it manifest itself and what should you know? Hysteria is a mental disorder that manifests itself in a variety of functional,…
2. Phobias and stress in children Phobias in children and adolescents are pathological, excessively expressed reactions of fear,...
3. Panic attacks in children Panic attacks in children are sudden, provoked or causeless attacks...
4. Fear when swallowing food There are a great many different human phobias. Starting from fear of predators...

As if

When it's useful

On a date, at an interview, if you need to speak publicly, at a crowded party, and so on.

How to use

Introverts tend to overthink and doubt everything. And the quality of thoughts, as is known, directly affects feelings and behavior. Let's go the opposite way.

Start behaving as if you were the life of the party, a charismatic speaker, attractive, sexy, easy - that is, possessing those qualities that you lack for self-confidence. Fake it until you make it. Take the initiative, smile, keep up the conversation, share your knowledge and experience.

The more often you act as if you are confident, the more confident you actually will become.

The emotions you experience will change the way you think. No miracle: even feigned positive emotions send signals to the brain, in response to which endorphins begin to be produced. In psychotherapy, this method is widely used in the treatment of various anxiety disorders.

The secret of this technique is to make “as if” part of ourselves. An imaginary space where we can feel confident and relaxed helps us relax and collect ourselves in various life situations.