The ancient people had a tough approach to solving problems - anyone who was different, weak or sick was worth killing. Now it seems barbaric, but people still continue to stick to their old habits. Only instead of axes, they destroy other people with selfishness. This character trait is fueled by fear, the primal fear that exists in each of us. In this state, people are ready to behave like animals. It is almost impossible to completely get rid of selfishness, but it is quite possible to control yourself. Eight simple ways can help you.
Grievances
Remember that grievances drag you to the bottom. Every person who pleases or annoys us is our mirror. And if something infuriates a person in another, then these are only problems with his own dignity.
A person who is looking for something or someone to be offended will always attract similar situations into his life. It is the false ego that dictates such attitudes.
And the feeling of resentment generates a destructive attitude, which negatively affects not only the body, but also various events in life.
What people
Usually these are people who tend to be overweight and keep everything to themselves. They accumulate grievances on the energy plane. And physically this is reflected in excess weight.
Or such people are too thin and hysterical. They differ from the first ones only in that they immediately splash out their negative emotions on everyone.
Why do they need this? This happens on an unconscious level. Usually these Drama Kings and Queens have a grudge against someone, constantly condemn the behavior of their offender and at the right moment remember how they were offended in 1972.
How to fight
Accepting a person or situation is the best solution. Try to accept everything as it came to you. Most often, you have no power over the situation. This means that the ideal option would be to accept it.
The highest degree of getting rid of resentment is forgiveness and letting go with gratitude. Forgiveness - because you found the strength to get rid of it. And gratitude for the fact that this situation came to you at this moment in life. This is the experience that made you stronger.
Origins
Before getting rid of selfishness in a relationship, you need to find the cause of its occurrence in order to prevent a relapse. As stated earlier, the ego is the part of the subconscious that helps you stay mentally healthy. It adjusts the perception of the external world by assessing, planning and comparing with past experience. In fact, the ego perfectly shapes the inner man. It’s just important not to give him full power. Why?
At times, the ego influences in such a way that a person begins to desire what he actually does not need, and with the necessary, the situation changes radically. This can be illustrated with a simple telephone example. Nowadays, hardware stores are full of various gadgets, and for little money you can buy the most ordinary push-button phone for calls and SMS. Great option, isn't it? But my friend has a branded touchscreen smartphone. In fact, you just need to make calls, and you know that other functions will not be used, but your inner ego is indignant - buy one like your friend’s, or better yet, a higher model. This is the difference between what is needed and what the ego imposes.
Knowing how to get rid of selfishness can make your life a lot easier. And the example with the telephone serves as proof of this.
You don't always have to win
False ego pushes a person into endless battles. Society loves to divide people into winners and losers. Moreover, there are many more of the latter, and each of them has a broken ego. This means that such people are easier to control through the media.
What people
Everything is simple here. These are people with the “excellent student” syndrome, who always and everywhere need to be the first. Starting from all the A's in the diary and ending with a coffin made of the best oak in the world. If there is someone younger, stronger and more dexterous than them, the false ego of such people begins to slowly devour them.
How to fight
It is important to accept yourself as you are. And don’t demand that you change and always be a winner. This does not mean that you should forget about yourself and go over to the side of the losers. On the contrary, it is better to go over to the side of successful people who realize and admit that sometimes (!) there is a place for defeats in their lives.
It is not the person who is afraid of defeat, not his body, but his ego. The body doesn’t care at all whether it is first, second, or comes tenth today. Therefore, in such a situation, you just need to become an observer of your life. And once you take away the importance of winning in any field, there will be a lot more of them.
And always remember, there are no winners without defeats. Experience only makes us stronger.
Manifestation of selfishness
According to psychologists, selfishness in the modern world is not a vice, but a fashion trend. This word is used to describe countless restaurants, nightclubs and various shops. In Ukraine, for example, there is even a special loyalty program for regular visitors to fast food restaurants, which is called “EGOists”. What is its message? Eating for the sake of your ego. By the way, this is the slogan of this program.
The quality under consideration is most clearly revealed in family relationships, because at home people become who they are. Egoists in the family are real kings, to whom everyone owes everything. Often, over time, tyranny appears in the family.
If a suspicion creeps into a person that he is too focused on himself, it is worth thinking about how often he is ready to sacrifice his own desires for the benefit of others, how much and often he talks about himself and whether he knows how to share the latter. By the way, selfishness is often compared to greed.
Need to be right
False ego dictates that we always defend our opinion in everything and be right in everything. The need to be right has dragged down not a single person. Unfortunately, they failed to control themselves at the right moment.
What people
Great debaters who, foaming at the mouth, will prove to the last that they are right. And every minute a huge stream of information and arguments spews out of their mouths, just so that they turn out to be right. They never compromise on their principles.
How to fight
If you recognize yourself: Don't be a slave to your false ego. There are a huge number of opinions in the world and each of them is true and correct for a certain person. It is important to accept and understand this difference. Give people a chance to simply express their different opinions.
Ask yourself: Do you want to be more right or free from prejudice? Here the choice is yours.
If you are an opponent of such a person: Do not enter into an argument. This is an empty shock of air. Conserve your energy, remember your worth and truth is in the eye of the beholder.
Explore your anger
Bro, are you crazy? The ego is always ready to make a mountain out of a mountain. The next time you feel a surge of anger, ask yourself where it came from. Does constructive criticism make you doubt the results of your work? Does a colleague's comment make you feel like the whole world is judging you, scolding you, threatening you? All these feelings arise as a result of your ego overreacting. Identify your triggers and work on transforming negative energy into productive energy.
No to superiority
Good dignity and a sense of worth are wonderful. But in reasonable quantities. An excessive sense of superiority over other people and condemnation of their shortcomings is inherent in the false ego. And this kind of thing really interferes with life.
Be the best, but not above others.
What people
Overly narcissistic specimens who constantly talk about their merits and achievements. People who condemn stupid people, despise fat people, grimace at burrs, are scared of people with unlimited capabilities, etc. They also usually love big quotes about their royal persona.
How to fight
It is important to become better than yourself, not better than other people. Here the fight should be with yourself, and not with work colleagues or divas from Instagram.
You need to fully focus on your own development. Don't judge others based on their appearance, financial status or wealth. We are all one in this world.
✅It's healthy to love yourself and have a sense of dignity.
❌ To skew your ideality and uniqueness, judging others.
The birth of the ego
“The ego is a way of organizing oneself; it comes from the intellect when the mind becomes clear.”
— Mark Epstein
You exist; therefore I exist—that is how the ego is born.
French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan developed the concept of the "mirror scene" to describe the phenomenon when a child begins to distinguish between self and others - encountering our reflection in the mirror makes us realize that we are independent. The ego is born out of fear and isolation. It creates our identity and separates us from others even in early childhood.
Subscribe to our Yandex Zen channel!
The birth of the ego, according to Chögyam Trungpa, is the process of identifying one’s “I” in the framework of opposing oneself to others. Before we are aware of our own existence, we are opposed to others. We want to win them over, creating a snowball effect that feeds passion, aggression and ignorance.
Our ego blinds not only us, but also others. We want to impose our capabilities on other people - whatever we see, we want others to see it too. We believe that our vision of the world is the world.
The illusion of “I” goes beyond an unrealistic vision of who we are. We want to preserve this image forever.
We cling to the illusion that our “I” is unchanging, but life does not stand still. We are constantly changing—our sense of existence is not constant. We cannot carry our personality into the next life.
Many people believe that the ego is simply a source of trouble. American Buddhist monk Thanissaro Baikku teaches that a healthy, active, functioning ego is the most important tool on the path to awakening .
Western psychology and Buddhism agree that the ego is a creation - we must get it out of our minds and learn to tame our minds.
The need to have more
How many books and fairy tales have been written about the greed of having more and more. Insatiable characters became the main characters of Russian classics. Remember the old woman from “The Tale of the Goldfish”, Plyushkin from Gogol’s “Dead Souls” and many others.
What people
It's never enough for them. They are constantly trying to get more today than they got yesterday. It is these specimens that are prone to hoarding and greed. Because what they collected “the hard way” is never enough for them.
How to fight
Let go of the situation and start sharing! The thought “little, little, more, more” only slows down any processes in life. And the person will indeed receive less and less. Here you also need to take the importance off the problem and trust the Universe itself. She will bring as much as you need and even more.
It is also worth giving up excessive control over the process. Such actions are corrosive worms that begin to eat the brain, saying, “Yesterday/a year ago I earned more.”
You can fight stinginess and greed in every possible way only through generosity. Give to children, animals and other people in need. Yes, even more needy than you.
Only by giving do we receive.
Self-identification through achievements
The false ego makes a person the Master of this Universe and exalts him above others. It seems to say to him: “Look what a musical masterpiece you wrote! But this crowd can’t do that!”
or “Look how beautifully you sing. No one else can do this. You're the one!" or “Look at what a beautiful Instagram post you wrote! Yes, you are several heads taller than others! You can make money on these suckers."
These are all false beliefs that only drag you down.
What people
Who think that they have created another masterpiece/know and understand more than others/are faster and stronger in sports and much more. These people usually boast about their creations, masterpieces.
And also because they read more classical literature, know a large number of works, go to the opera or know how to make money in NL. And so on and so forth.
How to fight
Understand that all creations are creations of the Universe or the Great Source. And man is only an observer in life. He served as a receiver of brilliant thoughts and was able to translate the idea into reality.
Reputation
Sometimes a person is too concerned about how other people accept and perceive him. Some specimens are so concerned about this that they do their best to play the role of a “socially successful person” or, conversely, a “rejected sociopath.”
What people
They constantly try to impose “their reputation” on people through strange actions. This includes people who photoshop their face or buy fakes from famous brands. All those who try to live a Luhari life or, on the contrary, constantly whine and belittle their dignity.
How to fight
Remember that your true reputation is not in your own mind, but in the minds of other people. So you just don't have any power over it.
Moreover, each new person will have a completely new “reputation” for you. And it will be radically different from the “reputation” that the previous person or you gave to yourself.
