How to start a new life when you’re fed up with everything and want change!

Brightness of life

There was a period in my life when I wanted to give up everything, leave and start a new life. And what do you think I did? I just decided to move from my small town with a population of 60,000 people to Voronezh. I have had apathy towards Borisoglebsk for the last 2 years. My soul was out of place because nothing in my life was changing. I simply understood that the process of my development here had reached some kind of ceiling. I needed to make an “upgrade” in my life. And I realized that only a change of environment would help me.

I told my reasons. Everyone has their own. But they are based simply on dissatisfaction with some aspect of their life and the desire to become a happier person. Everyone wants to be happy, only some are waiting for a miracle and believe that their Savior will come, others constantly complain and do not try to change it, and only others believe in a better life and create it with their work. Starting a new life is always scary, it’s a way out of your comfort zone, there’s only uncertainty ahead. But it's worth it. You just need to be optimistic about the future and not be afraid of change.

The beginning of a new life?! We follow the algorithm...

So, you constantly say within yourself, “I want to start a new life,” but for some reason you don’t do it. Most likely, you don’t know where to start a better life, what first steps to take. Then follow this algorithm.

Find out the reason for the dissatisfaction

The desire to start a new life never arises out of nowhere. As a rule, we want to get rid of something bad. As I already said, the reasons can be very different. And the first step is to figure out what is the geyser of your discontent. To do this you need to be very honest with yourself. There is no point in hiding something from yourself. Just acknowledge the presence of unwanted things in your life and move on to the second step.

Take responsibility for your life

You should not blame your parents, your environment, the president of the country, or universal injustice for the way you live now. Complaining and whining have never helped anyone. It's a waste of time. The path to a new life lies only through change. To manage changes in your life, you need to take responsibility for your life. This is the main and only key that will open the door to a new and bright life for you.

Choose a way to change

The third step will be to determine which actions will help you 100%. Sometimes it can be something small. Like throwing away your old things and buying new ones. And sometimes it is necessary to resort to drastic changes. Like, let’s say, I picked up and moved to another city. The more acute your problem, the more drastic a method you will need. Below I will list the most popular and effective ones. You can borrow it or come up with your own.

Set a goal and make a plan

The first 3 steps can be called preparatory. Real changes can only happen if you specifically set yourself a goal based on the method, draw up a detailed plan and begin to act. The goal should, as always, be specific, measurable and realistic. My goal was to move to another city, specifically to Voronezh. I outlined the points that I need to do to make the move more comfortable.

Take action

And, of course, probably the most important step is the actions themselves. They must be as effective as possible. Don't wait for the right moment, act right now. There is no need to tell myself that on Monday I will start a new life. Postponing and procrastination will not help you in this matter. Only actions in the present will change your future.

What to do when you want change

There comes a certain point in life when you want change. What exists no longer suits and does not bring satisfaction. It’s not clear what you want.

As a rule, at this point there is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding. Vulnerabilities. And also shame and intolerance towards oneself. An adult, but lost in three pines like a child. I don’t want to mark time, I want to quickly understand what’s wrong, what to change. You throw yourself into every new activity with hope, but over time you realize that everything is still empty inside. This hope drives you into an unknown distance, exhausts you, weakens you, which makes you even more bitter. It seems like I tried this and this, but nothing changes. It's not the same.

You constantly compare yourself with more successful peers. Some people got married for the second time, others had a third child. Someone is opening a third business. And everything you have is wrong. And the business was so-so, and the marriage never worked out. Friends... Where are they, friends? They only call when they need something.

You don’t compare yourself with those who rush around just like you. They have circumstances. Serious reasons to be on the search. But you can't do that. You must always be on top. It is difficult to admit that you are “at zero”. It’s hard to believe that you can’t jump out of the point you’re in in one go. Too deep.

However, to make changes in life, you first need to understand what exactly you are not happy with. But this place is not so easy to get to. There are many feelings there, often difficult to bear.

Fear. Allow yourself to be dissatisfied, to want a better life.

Guilt. My peers have already built a house and raised their sons, but I...

Shame. It’s a shame to find yourself helpless and confused.

Anger. Why didn’t I notice before that what I was doing was meaningless and unnecessary?

Anxiety. What if I stay stuck at this point? Can't find myself again?

By mastering and recognizing each of these feelings, it is possible to admit to yourself that a crisis is ripe in your life. Reading about a midlife crisis is one thing. Experiencing it is something else entirely. There are no supports. And those that exist seem flimsy and unreliable.

In our culture, it is not acceptable to be helpless and ignorant.

"Stay calm and carry on!"
“Stop whining, I’m sick of you with your whining!”
“Maybe you’ll already settle on something, how much can you try and jump on top?”

You would be glad to get together. And I would be glad to stop whining. And I want to stop already. But there is no possibility. A huge amount of work is going on inside to complete an entire period of life. A period in which there was certainty, a place, clear schemes and reliable supports. It's scary to part with him. It's scary to face the unknown.

Any change is the beginning of something new. To start something, you need to complete something. And completion is associated with farewell, mourning. With living through what seems like an endless string of feelings. Without this, the transition to a new stage is impossible. It is impossible to set new goals, to understand what you really want.

Often this step is skipped. The bet is made on the future; you can give up on the past. But is it?

By not allowing oneself to fully live a farewell to what is important, a person dooms a part of himself to voluntary imprisonment in the prison of oblivion. Cuts it off. Doesn't notice, doesn't hear. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It exists and takes a huge part of the strength and energy to be imprisoned in the depths of consciousness. But the understanding of where you want to go still doesn’t come.

What to do when “you need to change something”?

First, understand what is happening at the “present” point. What exactly doesn’t suit you in relationships, in work, in friends. Honestly face your expectations - from yourself and from others. Understand which expectations are unrealistic and which simply cannot be met in specific circumstances.

Secondly, live through disappointment. What happened is what happened. That life turned out the way it did. That right here and now there is no way to get what you really want.

Thirdly, understand what you really want? New job or find your calling? New relationships or feel loved, needed, important? What is the very need that pushes you to explore yourself?

It's not an easy job. You can do it yourself, or you can do it in a therapeutic group. Take out your “cut off” part. Helpless, vulnerable, ashamed. Give her a voice. Let her talk about what is happening to her. What is she afraid of, ashamed of? Why does he feel guilty?

Being able to talk about it is healing. That is why there is such a great need for live communication now. In communication that is sensitive, understanding, accepting. Reflective. Giving you the opportunity to share experiences. To see that you are not alone with your confusion and helplessness. Hear other stories. Find a response within yourself. View from different focuses.

Psychological books that change lives

Some books really have the power to change your mind. If you set out to change your life, start with the works of those who understand human psychology, or with the books of those who have gone through this themselves.

Here are some of them:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey . This book is called a reference book for those who have decided to change their lives and realize hidden possibilities. The author does not promise instant results; he prepares the reader for the fact that in order to improve his life he will have to work hard. The book received the title of bestseller and became a real guide for many successful people.
Mikhail Labkovsky “I want and I will . One of the most discussed Russian psychologists gives in his book the answer to one of the most exciting questions - how to live the way you want. Labkovsky literally says on the pages of his book: do what you want. To many, such advice may seem extremely radical, but the author reminds us that we are talking about healthy desires. The main message of the book is that everything is possible, you just have to start working on it.
Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit. Why do we live this way and not otherwise ? In his work, the author reveals the nature of the most popular human habits, tries to answer the question of how to live and fight them. Charles Duhigg will tell you what is behind the food we choose, our sleep patterns, our purchases. The author believes that you can quickly overcome the enemy by knowing him by sight.
Yuri Vagin “Doctor, am I happy? Non-trivial advice from a psychotherapist . The book, written by a Russian psychotherapist with impressive experience, is suitable for those who are at a crossroads and like soul-searching. The author, with a touch of humor, talks about life situations that prevent us from changing our lives, based on more than 30 thousand stories of his patients.
Viktor Frankl “Say Yes to Life!” Psychologist in a concentration camp" . The author of the book knows firsthand what difficulties and injustice are. Viktor Frankl went through a concentration camp during the war, this prompted him to master the profession of a psychologist and publish a book. On the pages of his work, he tries to help people who are convinced that there is no way out of their life situations, just as there is no strength to fight all the difficulties.
Martin Seligman "The Pursuit of Happiness " One of the most popular psychologists, Martin Seligman, in his book “The Pursuit of Happiness” tries to prove to the reader that happiness is much closer than we think; becoming the best version of oneself is not a mirage, but an achievable goal that requires a little effort.
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People . Dale Carnegie believes that you cannot change your life without changing your relationships with people. The book is about relationships, interaction with people who help increase your importance and influence, but remain a pleasant conversationalist and not lose friends.

Books can provide a theoretical framework that can influence change in your life. The main thing is to learn to apply the acquired knowledge and other people’s experience in your life and not to perceive what is written in books as an unconditional plan for action.

Signs that help you understand that changes are happening in your life

Lost interest in certain people, activities and things. In order for the new to appear, you need to free yourself from the old. Don't worry that something is no longer interesting.
You often indulge in daydreaming. They contain reality and strength.
You fell in love with loneliness. This is not a withdrawal from the world at all. Self-knowledge occurs, rapprochement with intuition.
You have become an avid book lover. There is a thirst for knowledge within you. Your mind and soul are evolving. Knowledge is required to adapt to change.
Your sensitivity is increased. You perceive the vibrations of the Universe. This means that you have become stronger and can help others and yourself.
You are overcome by a desire for novelty. Don't ignore him.
You feel changes in yourself. People around you notice this too. You are changing and it's obvious.
Thinking about goals makes you passionate. You feel like you can achieve anything, and that's true.
You realize that you are capable of control over your own life. You take responsibility for your actions and do not blame others.
Your consciousness tells you that difficulties are the path to success. You will no longer hear complaints about failure. You value them for their science.

Remember that it is completely natural to want change. If you need them, follow the tips listed and move forward. Good luck to you!

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Changing our life for the better: where to start

This will sound trivial, but it’s worth starting with yourself. This is really difficult, because no one wants to look for the reasons for dissatisfaction within themselves. What are you striving for, what goals are you pursuing and, most importantly, what are you doing to achieve them? Perhaps, in reality, all problems arise because it is much more convenient to talk about them while sitting on your couch with a pained look than to actually take action?

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

Motivating yourself is the key to a happy life. It’s not enough to determine what exactly you want to accomplish in the near future. It is also important to note what it is for. Do you want to earn more money so you can buy things as good as your friends? Or change your friends in order to feel comfortable around them, but all this tinsel in the form of expensive smartphones, cars, restaurants is not even your desire?

How to change your life

If you decide to make a change, take the following steps:

Decide on a goal.
Visualize it: imagine in detail what will change when you achieve it.
Make a plan and divide it into small steps.
After taking a few steps, reward and delight yourself. This promotes inspiration.
Surround yourself with motivating people.

Losing interest

A normal situation is that there will be both ups and downs. Even doing something you enjoy cannot give you positive emotions all the time. Learn to “reboot” and rest. It will be useful to forget about the changes for a while, and then return to them. The thirst for action is what you will feel.

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Help from “well-wishers”

On your life's path you will definitely come across people who prove that you are doomed to failure. They will try to stop you. Don't even think about listening to them. There is an opinion that one person is an average of five others. Your job is to choose an environment that supports you. The kind you want to emulate. If you are being made to doubt your own choices, stop communicating with this person.

What can be changed in life - 17 recommendations

The tips below are very easy to follow and do not require any financial investment or special skills from you. But their effectiveness will not be long in coming:

Do not pollute your body, be it fast food, sugary carbonated drinks or alcohol.
Learn to speak a foreign language to expand your knowledge of the world.
Read regularly, not news on social networks, but real books.
Spend your weekend actively, not at home on the couch.
Keep a journal to gain insight into your soul.
Perhaps you should start writing a blog: you will get double the benefits.
Plan and manage your time.
Get off the Internet and into real life as often as possible.
Get up early. Even half an hour in the morning will give you a lot.
Travel! At least in your region.
Get creative.
Learn to step out of your comfort zone.
Get your finances in order.
Throw away old things.
Accept yourself and the world around you.
Sign up for a fitness class.
Don't dwell on the past.

Divide the recommendations into parts and implement them gradually.

"The Artist in a White Coat"

A surgeon with 10 years of experience, at the age of 38, decided to radically change his life. He abandoned his medical career and entered art school. At first, it was not easy to sit at a desk next to 18-year-old students; fellow students openly laughed at him; he was older than many teachers at the school. Friends and former colleagues did not understand him, they even condemned him, because now only his wife supported a family with two children. “Our dad is learning to draw,” she embarrassedly explained to her daughters. It was not easy for the family both psychologically and financially. But five years later, the first exhibition of the new artist took place; his works admired and touched to the core. This was the beginning of great success. Over time, the paintings began to sell, and the family’s financial situation was restored, and then significantly improved. And now the grown-up daughters proudly said: “Our dad is an artist!”

"Train of My Dreams"

The guy loved trains from his early youth and dreamed of becoming a driver. He graduated from the railway and got a job as a junior assistant. Harsh everyday life turned out to be not as beautiful as dreams: early rises, long shifts, sleepless nights, heavy workload, little money. Friends were already starting to earn money, buying their first cars, but he still lived with his parents and saved every penny. I got tired, dropped everything, and went to work at a construction site. For five years, he worked in many ways: as a bricklayer, concrete worker, even as a crane operator. But my soul was not in the right place; at night I dreamed of trains. He left the construction site and returned to the depot. He was hired as an assistant driver. The boss was a former classmate who had risen to promotion during this time. “I really regret that I left then, now I would have been a driver myself. And, you know, I want to leave again, but I can overcome myself.”

What will help you pull yourself out of Groundhog Day?

Here are some ideas.

Finish unfinished business

Letters that need to be finally sent, documents that need to be completed, cabinets that need to be sorted, and dentists that need to be made an appointment - all this quietly drains your strength. Things that are not completed put a heavy burden on your shoulders, whisper a feeling of guilt, pull you down and prevent you from moving.

It turns out to be a vicious circle: old unfinished tasks prevent you from setting goals and doing something new. Try to slowly, in small steps, finish what you started. Make a list of all the issues that are waiting for your attention. Start with the easiest ones - those that require the least time: making a call, writing a letter, taking things to the dry cleaner.

When you have completed something, cross it off: it is very pleasant, it lifts your spirits and helps you believe in yourself. Once you've cleared out all your old tasks, you'll have the space and inspiration to take on something new.

You will need it