How to hear yourself? Know yourself, your inner world

February 21, 2019
Psychology of Personality
Ksenga

Many people complain that they are unhappy. Some may think that these are whiners who complain solely because they love to do it. But in fact, the problem with modern people is that they do not know how to understand what they want. How to hear yourself, read below.

Diary

Are you communicating with yourself? If not yet, then it's time to start. Keep a diary. It's good if you have someone to share the news and interesting facts you learned during the day. But it’s still better to talk not only with loved ones, but also with yourself. Take 10 minutes of your evening to fill out the pages of a paper notebook or type half a page of text on the computer.

Are you trying to figure out how to start hearing yourself and why we need it? A diary will help you answer these questions. People often don't know what they want and where they are going. Every day, summing up the results of the day and understanding what you have achieved in a week, you will be able to understand where you are moving and whether the vector of development suits you. If something goes wrong, you can always change the trajectory of your movement. Listen to yourself and write frankly. The diary is your thoughts. Don't let anyone read your notes. This will help you share your desires with yourself and talk about any concerns. You can use such information and your thoughts to improve the quality of your life.

Listen to yourself, your Higher Self

How to learn this? There are people who listen to themselves and they do it very well. Their secret is meditation, meditative practices and trance states. Milton Erickson (the father of Ericksonian hypnosis) argued that there is nothing more beneficial than a daily trance. Moreover, he himself knew how to fall into it at his own request and taught this to his students and patients.

Why is meditation and trance so useful? Because it temporarily removes our Censor – our consciousness. Our critic. And it opens a direct door into our unconscious. And, as I already said, our subconscious has the answers to all questions.

Moreover, many psychologists and esotericists are convinced that the subconscious mind stores the correct answers not only to our current questions concerning us. But also on global issues. The experience of generations, the experience of all humanity, is imprinted in our subconscious. And, we can use it. If we know how.

Morning Pages

Do you trust your feelings? Not all people have time to understand their soul and understand what it really needs. Try to stop constantly running. How to do it? Start writing your morning pages. Get up 30 minutes earlier than you are used to and sit down at the table. After that, you need to write three pages of text. What will it be? Pour out on paper all the thoughts that haunt you. Don't judge your thoughts, just write them down. Think of this activity as your morning meditation. Through daily writing, you can experience a state of inner peace. Why? All your complaints, regrets and all the negativity that lives in your soul will be poured onto paper. By clearing yourself of all this, you will leave the table with a clean and clear head.

Why does this practice work? A person who writes something down on paper automatically throws out of his head the information that his hand wrote. The brain understands that information is now stored on paper, and it is not scary to replace it with something else. Remember, practice will only work if it is done daily. You need to write pages immediately after waking up. Get a notebook and fill out three pages every morning. You can write more, but you cannot write less.

A checklist that will help you express your needs correctly

Observations. Name specific words or actions of the interlocutor that influenced you. Avoid ratings. Imagine you are writing a chronicle.
Feelings. Express your feelings about these actions in words. Do not confuse feelings with thoughts and ideas about yourself and others.
Needs. Connect your feelings with your needs: “I feel... because I need...” Don't confuse needs with strategies for meeting them. Don't put responsibility for your feelings on other people.
Requests. Formulate a clear request, by fulfilling which the interlocutor will make your life better. Don't demand, respect other people's refusal.

Meditation

Do you practice yoga? If yes, then good, if not, then at least start with meditation. Why is it needed? Through breathing practice you can cleanse your soul and mind. Exercises to clear your mind help you understand how to correctly and quickly abstract yourself from the thoughts that swarm through your head. Meditation helps create a vacuum in the mind. After such practices, your thoughts will become clearer and your thought processes will work better. You will learn to look at the world more carefully, observe those around you and contemplate what is happening with calm and peace.

Learn to listen to your thoughts

At first glance, nothing complicated. We know what's in our heads. Sort of. However, if you start to monitor your thoughts, it becomes clear that there is chaos in your head. Thoughts jump from one to another. And then they fly off in an unknown direction.

That's why it's always so useful to WRITE DOWN. And then, re-read. This is why psychologists recommend keeping a diary where you write down your thoughts, feelings and events.

This clever move allows you to sort your thoughts. Arrange them on shelves. Because, while describing, WE ARE FORCED to organize our mental activity into understandable, logical word forms. Then, when we reread, we already see our thoughts clearly. We can already tell which of them predominate in our heads. Which ones are useful to us and which ones are harmful.

Learn to understand true desires

It is very difficult to hear the voice of your own soul. But you need to consciously learn to do this. For what? In order not to get into an absurd situation when, by the age of 40, you realize that you are living a good life, but, unfortunately, not your own. Many people only understand over the years what they want, but it’s too late to change anything. As a result, they live with constant dissatisfaction with their existence. Why is this happening? Because today advertising greatly influences people and their perception of the world. Young people are chasing brands without completely understanding why they need them. The older generation wants to live in their own apartment, and teenagers dream of a car. All these material values are placed on the altar, and one’s own desires have no meaning. People think about getting what their neighbor has, not about getting what they want themselves. Modern man has a herd instinct; he does not want to be the worst. Get rid of desires imposed by advertising and learn to understand your true goals.

How to understand yourself and your desires. Learning Personal Devotion

“All is vanity of vanities and vexation of spirit” - Ecclesiastes.

“If you are bored by yourself, then you are in bad company” - Jean-Paul Sartre.

Do we understand ourselves and the motives of our desires as a consequence of our actions? One gets the impression that no, he doesn’t understand... Why? They didn’t teach you... How does your day begin? You don't want to get up and do what you have to... you don't want to, but you get up and do it.

I suggest you make a date for yourself and meet with yourself... And now you are going to the most important meeting - a meeting with yourself. Where do you want to meet yourself: with friends, at home by candlelight, with your loved one, or just over a cup of tea in a cozy cafe, or will it be a walk... How will you look? What impression do you want to make on yourself?.. You chose the place, time, circumstances... you came to your place on a date. We begin…

Today we will not “poke around” in the past - we will accept ourselves as we are, and we will... dream, yes! Dreaming - what do I strive to be for myself, where am I going and with whom? Who's next to me? Who do I want to see next to me?

First. Let's summarize: what I have today.
Second. What I need is a dream.
Third. Under what conditions will the dream come true?
Fourth. What should I do for this or who should I hire. For him to do this. Writes down all the answers - even if they are crazy or fantastic. For example: I want to become a world-famous photographer. There are no conditions. Where to start - buy a decent camera.

First you need to get to know those who have succeeded. You can contact the professional community, at least at the initial stage they will help you choose a camera. Find a teacher or take a photography course. When you start filming, don’t forget to choose a topic. Make a photo exhibition at home for friends or somewhere in a public place and start offering your masterpieces to the media... There are no deadlines here. This is an important step and should also be indicated. It seems that everything is simple and clear. But, alas... Girl, client. She is 30 years old, separated from her husband, and has serious health problems. From the letter (spelling preserved) ... I don’t quite understand where this fine line is then between a dream and what I need, what I want. if I don’t have it, or I have it, but not in full, but I need it, I want it, I desire it, I dream about it... well, if we move away from these philosophical reflections, because I can, of course, prove it to anyone, and as much as you like, but to live, I need a person close in spirit, in all senses and areas of life, a person on my wavelength - of course, in the person of my husband. I need a relationship, and not just any kind, but an easy one that brings joy and happiness. and so that even many years later, I would want to rush home to see him, to hear him, to want to do the same thing together, to be interested in the same things, to think together, to share conversations, silence, bed together... and, of course, to it became mutual. so that he admires me as a woman, beautiful, smart, interesting... I need an ideal, in my understanding, relationship! Now I don’t even have anyone to go to the cinema, to the theater with, or even just to take a walk in the park, let alone share anything secret, or share my interests and goals. yes, I have a mother with whom I have a wonderful, close relationship, she supports me in many ways, prompts, pushes me... but a mother is a mother, and I need a man, a husband. I saw in a letter a 5-year-old child who is capricious, falls on the floor in a store and shouts: I want a toy, a living one... What stops a person from wanting? - Nothing! sit and want... And if it seems that dating yourself is easy, it is not, it is very difficult. Every desire has a reason. Only after understanding the reason, a person will understand: is this his desire or is it imposed from the outside... Having written your dreams, write down the motive or reason next... Answer the question - why do I need this? Is it a simple whim or a vital necessity, a need without which you cannot imagine yourself?

Several techniques for understanding your desires.

1st method - the “1000 why” method. First, formulate your desire as precisely as possible. And then ask yourself: “Why do I need this?” Find the answer and ask again: “Why is this?” And so - countless times. Until you get to the essence - the primary motive of your desire. It would be good to do this not alone, so that an outside observer could critically evaluate the answers from the point of view of authorship (this is the answer of the person himself or the attitude of society), ask clarifying and leading questions. Often, already at this stage, many prejudices imposed on us are eliminated, which we honestly consider our own, without bothering to evaluate the authorship. This method helps to identify the basic desire - the underlying one - and find alternative, often simpler, ways to satisfy it. Question: “Why do I need this?” can save us from many disappointments, fruitless attempts and wasted time.

Method 2 is the reference method. The first part is the definition of the reference state (according to Vereshchagin - DEIR). The reference state is a state in which you like absolutely everything: you feel great physically, you are at ease and joyful, you are surrounded by beautiful landscapes or loved ones, there are only pleasant smells and sounds, and to top it all off, you are about to do something very pleasant, following your true desire. Nothing disturbs, disturbs, oppresses, no heaviness in the heart and soul. Having remembered this state at the level of sensations, you can reproduce it in its entirety at any moment. To do this, you need to remember the day (and it definitely happened, and if it didn’t, I suppose you can invent it) when everything was fine with you. Seize the moment. Until this moment there were no anxious or unpleasant sensations, after this moment there are no unpleasant sensations either. You stand alone, in the middle of: (indicate your landscape). You feel good and calm. You are in complete harmony with yourself and the world around you. The body is not pinched anywhere. You take a deep breath of air. You feel calm and confident. Now this state must be remembered. It is a reference. You will enter it whenever you need to restore your strength or form a desire.

The second part of the exercise is testing desire. So, you enter the reference state and from there you will analyze your current life situation. Let's say you need to make money. Check whether this desire comes into dissonance with your standard state. If it doesn’t, if this prospect only makes you happy and doesn’t make you despondent, then the desire is true. If, at the mere thought of this, some kind of heaviness and anxiety appears in your soul, then put off fulfilling this desire, at this stage of your life, the money that you have is enough for you, you just need to realize this and learn to be content with what There is. Indeed, in this case, if you persist in your desire to earn money, this money will most likely not be used for future use, and such income will do more harm than good. If the desire to earn money turns out to be true, we analyze the circumstances further. Let's say you are offered a position in one company, and you are already inclined to agree. Look at this sentence from the reference state. Do you really want to do this job? Will this work violate your reference state? Or do you know in advance that it will be bad for you there, but you make sacrifices just for the sake of money? Think and you will find that there are other, more pleasant sources of income. If your desire to earn money is true, there will definitely be such a way.

The 3rd method is meditative. Very similar to the reference condition. Enter into meditation, calm your thoughts and imagine what you want to receive. Focus on the image of what you want. Study it carefully, imagine it in all its features. Think about what getting what you want will give you. What will it change in your life? What will make a difference in other people's lives? Ask yourself the question: “Is this necessary primarily for me or for other people?” Now imagine that you have already received what you want. Contemplate all the details of the desire realized by the imagination. What sensations do you experience? Happy? Indifferent? Or doesn't it matter? If you are happy, most likely your desire is true and natural, and you will get what you want. If you feel uncomfortable or don’t care, try repeating the experience again: imagine again that you got what you wanted, and contemplate this image in all the details. If unpleasant or indifferent sensations are repeated, this is unlikely to be what you really need; most likely, the desire is vain, empty or alien. Switch your attention to your other desire - what else are you missing in your life? Mentally imagine that you receive everything you want in abundance - everything you want falls on you from the sky in unimaginable quantities. If you still don’t have enough, multiply everything several times. Do you want more love? Friendship? Understanding? Money? Cover yourself mentally with this from head to toe. Do this until the word emerges from the depths of your being: “Enough!” Now mentally abide within all that you have received. You feel good? No feeling of lack? Don't you feel like there's something extra? Mentally push everything you have created into the background and come out of meditation. After doing this meditation, do you still feel like you need so much in life? Maybe some desires have melted, disappeared by themselves, and now you just laugh at what trifles you wished for yourself? If you repeat the meditation constantly, you will gradually discover that there is not much that is really missing. And all this is really achievable. And everything that seemed necessary and desirable to you is actually not needed. Inside each person there is already everything you need. Meditation allows you to understand this and make peace with yourself.

4th method - analytical. We analyze our wish and imagine that it has come true. How does this make you feel? Does what you achieve bring you joy? If some kind of heaviness and anxiety appears in your soul, then postpone the fulfillment of this desire, at this stage of your life it is not true, not yours, but imposed from the outside. Only such a desire, which is pleasant already by the very process of its realization, is yours - not accepted under the pressure of circumstances, but growing from the very depths of your personality. Why is it pleasant to fulfill such a desire? Yes, because its implementation is what corresponds to the nature of your soul. When you understand your desire and the motive behind the desire, you come to understand yourself, your place in this life. The answer comes to the question - why am I here? What is the meaning of my life. By understanding yourself, you understand other people. And you accept them as they are. And you begin to choose - with whom you want to be close always, with whom sometimes, and with whom you need to part forever...

We always choose for ourselves or allow others to choose for us. Choose your path. Myself!!! The date with myself continues...

Writing Life Goals

Do you want to understand how to learn to hear yourself? Write a life plan. What do you want and what are you striving for? Imagine yourself as a ship that is sailing to the shores of happiness. If there is no lighthouse on your island, then you will wash up on the shore, but it is not a fact that you will like this shore. Swimming without a map is very difficult. So make it up. The more detailed your life plan is, the easier it will be to implement it. If you don't know what you want, then start with a simple exercise. Draw a circle and divide it into 6 parts. Label each part: health, career, family, friends, sports and creativity. Think about which areas of life you are currently paying attention to and which ones you are avoiding. Describe in detail each area of your life and indicate what you would like to achieve in it in 5/10/20 years. Separate lists should be written of desires to buy something, go somewhere, see something and read something. The main thing is to remember that goals and desires should be your true ones, and not imposed by advertising.

Remember your childhood

At a young age, people are not afraid to dream. But, growing up, a person forgets that he has desires. Adults do not forget about their responsibilities, but few people consider it necessary to take care of themselves and their inner child. If you want to know yourself, then you need to start with writing. Sit down at your desk and make a list of the activities that brought you pleasure as a child. You loved to draw, play music, write or sculpt. This means we need to continue to develop in this direction. Don't worry that it's too late. You don't need to retrain from an accountant to an artist. You need to understand your inner essence, and the easiest way to do this is through creativity. Don’t be afraid to create something new, and don’t put your first masterpieces on public display. Your task is to enjoy the process.

An example of how to apply the Rosenberg approach in life

Mom bought her son a new computer on the condition that he improve his grades at school. The teenager did not keep his promise: instead of studying, he plays for hours. The woman wants to discuss his behavior with her son and remind him of the agreement.

Let’s imagine that the mother does not have nonviolent communication skills:

Evaluates: “Are you playing again, you slacker?”
Manipulates with guilt: “You promised to take up your studies, but instead you are doing nonsense. But we refused to travel abroad to buy this computer!”
Shifts responsibility for his feelings: “I’m disappointed with your behavior.”
Punishes: “No games until you correct the deuces.”

The mother evaluates and criticizes, manipulates with feelings of guilt, shifts responsibility for her emotional state and punishes. This behavior will cause the teenager to take a defensive position and prevent him from showing empathy. As a result, the son will remain dissatisfied and will sabotage the parental decision.

Now imagine that the mother uses nonviolent communication skills:

He shares his observations: “Before we bought you a new computer, we agreed that you would correct your failing grades in Russian and literature. Six months have passed since then. You didn't correct your grades."
Talks about feelings: “I’m worried and offended.”
Recognizes his needs: “It’s worrying because I want you to get a good education and find something you like. It’s a shame because you didn’t do what we agreed on, and I would like to rely on your words.”
Formulates a clear request: “Please tell me what is preventing you from complying with our agreement and how can I help you with this?”

The mother does not try to forcefully change her son’s behavior, but respectfully addresses him as an equal: she sets out facts instead of judgments, sincerely shares her feelings, explains the reasons for anxiety and resentment, and formulates a clear request. It is easier for a teenager to hear the needs of their parents when they do not have to waste energy on confrontation. As a result of such a conversation, the mother will find out that her son is fascinated by computers and exact sciences, but he does not understand humanities. The teenager will promise to improve his grades with the help of a tutor, for which his mother will agree to send him to a computer camp. This way they will come to a solution that will satisfy the needs of both.

Creative dates

How often do you meet with your loved ones? Every day, once every two or three days? When was the last time you spent time with yourself? For a long time? It's time to fix the situation. To know yourself, you need to be alone with yourself from time to time. It is advisable to do this every week. Take an hour on a weekday or weekend and ask yourself out on a date. Where have you wanted to go for a long time, but for some reason you couldn’t do it? Did you want to go to an exhibition, cinema or theater? Buy yourself a ticket and go. Do not take anyone to such an event. Go alone. You won't be bored alone with yourself. On the contrary, you will be able to better understand the essence of the event you wanted to attend. Observe your feelings. These types of dates will help you get to know yourself better. You will understand what events you like to attend, what restaurants you like to eat at, what routes you enjoy walking along. Remember that the main thing is regularity. Don't miss meetings with yourself. Let them take place on the same day and at the same time every week.

Listen to yourself and make the right decisions

Speaking will help!

Works the same as prescribing. This means speaking for another person, when you are forced to organize your thoughts into expressions that are understandable to him.

Agree, have you noticed how simple speaking, when you are not interrupted or judged, helps you understand yourself, hear yourself.

The main difficulty with this method is that our loved ones often do not know how to listen at all. However, we ourselves do not know how to listen often. They may start giving you advice that you didn't ask for and that isn't right for you. They can shift the emphasis on themselves - “But here I am, but here I have...”. And, as a result, the best option is a psychologist. A competent psychologist will listen to you properly and help you organize the process of listening to yourself.

@Ekaterina Kholodova. You can make an appointment with me for a consultation - ONLINE or in person

By listening to yourself at the moment of speaking, you have a great opportunity to make the right decision that will suit you. Yes, sometimes it may seem strange and illogical to another person. So, we need OUR solution!

Home gatherings

Home is a fortress for every person. How many pleasant activities there are within the walls of your refuge! It is these pleasant events that will help you better penetrate into your inner world. In addition to having dates with yourself, you should make time for yourself during the week. Come up with an interesting and enjoyable activity that you can do without leaving your home. For example, you can watch your favorite movie or TV series, you can take a bath with foam and aromatic oils, or do yoga. Find time at least once a week to spend an evening doing activities that bring you pleasure. Such events help a person restore peace of mind, feel the taste of life and understand why a person came into this world.

Learn to stop the "delirium"

The inner world can only be seen with pure consciousness. If you chew the so-called mental cud throughout the day, then you will not be able to find peace of mind. You need to learn to stop the “mental delirium”. How can this be done? You can master meditation, and then with the help of simple breathing exercises in just a few seconds you will be able to get rid of the mess in your head. If you have not yet mastered meditation, then try another method of cleansing your consciousness. At the moment when you catch yourself thinking that you are not thinking about what you want, or are thinking about something unpleasant, reproduce a landscape that is pleasant for you before your eyes. It could be an autumn forest, a sea view, or a landscape with a green lawn. While admiring an imaginary picture, think only about it. After a few seconds, you will notice that your consciousness has cleared. Do this exercise as often as possible. Smart thoughts will not be able to come to a head that is busy washing the bones of colleagues or thinking about plans for dinner. Consciousness must be clear so that you can enjoy the unity of soul and body.

Be able to listen to yourself - how to learn?

To learn this, we need to master 6 skills. This:

The ability to listen to your thoughts
Be able to hear yourself and make the right decisions
Learn to listen to yourself and your body
Hear yourself - your Higher Self
Be able to hear your desires
Listen to your feelings

Everything listed above is achievable! Below I will describe each point separately. A little effort and you will certainly start to succeed. And at the same time, you will see how your life changes direction to a much happier one.

Find a hobby

What do you do in your spare time? Watch movies or spend time with friends? It is much more productive to spend your time doing what you love. How to hear yourself? You need to do what you love. Think about which of all the possible leisure activities tempts you more than others? This could be painting, rock climbing, dancing, programming, etc. Such activities can later become your source of income, but in order to realize yourself, you need to start by engaging in leisure activities solely for the soul. Do what you want. Don't be afraid to discover new talents in yourself. Be relaxed and perceive all changes positively. You need to be guided in your endeavors by focusing on your spiritual impulses. Do you like what you do? So, keep up the good work. Don't like your hobby? Then search for yourself until you find it. It will be possible to find yourself only when you find an area of activity that is close to you and in which you want to develop.

Information for those who listen not to themselves, but to others

Those people who, from childhood, are accustomed to being influenced by the opinions of strangers, are truly unhappy people. There are so many stories about how “I went where my dad told me to,” “I married the one my parents indicated,” etc. Typically, by mid-life (or earlier) such people come to psychologists and psychotherapists with depression and confusion:

How to live, where to go...
I don't want anything...
I don’t know what to want...
Who am I and where am I wandering in the dark...
It is sad….

But there is good news: you can always return to your roots, where you can hear yourself, your inner voice. Start listening to yourself. Develop this and consolidate it. And, as a result, live a new, happy life!

Trust your intuition

Do you believe yourself? A very small percentage of people trust themselves and their intuition. And why? For the reason that most people consider intuition to be something mystical. Are you wondering how to make yourself heard? Then you should understand that intuition is nothing more than your life experience. It is he who tells you how to act in a given situation, depending on whether you have had experience of such a reaction or not. To know yourself better and live in harmony with yourself, you need to hear what your sixth sense says. Always consider his opinion, and not the opinions of others. Of course, everything should be within the framework of common sense. But if you have a difficult choice, then it is better to listen to yourself and not to those around you, because your fate depends on your decision.

The first exercise - from fairy tales to reality

In order to understand what your subconscious wants to tell you, you need to turn to the origins - your distant childhood. Try to focus on your early memories and find your favorite fairy tales in them. This will help you better understand yourself, your fears and desires.

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Write down your favorite childhood fairy tales in a column or come up with a new story - with a full beginning, an interesting plot and a logical ending. After that, think about their content. Do you really see your idols in heroes? Are you trying to imitate them?

The main purpose of this exercise is to be able to compare the ideal life from your dreams and your current reality. This will help you find the disturbing factors that interfere with the fulfillment of your dreams and formed goals.

This exercise will open up new facets of intuition to you, and your inner voice will answer a couple of interesting questions.

Ask a question

How to hear yourself? Sometimes, when a person is faced with some problem, he cannot understand what to do. If intuition is also silent, then making the right decision seems almost impossible. To solve this problem, you can ask one question: why? For example, you think you want to sign up for a swimming pool. The idea seems sound, but to check whether this desire is genuine or imposed by others, ask yourself why you need to go to the pool. If the answer is “I like to swim” - good, but if the answer is “For Why should I go with Alena for If I don’t go, she will be offended”, then there is no point in going swimming.

Main participants in the process

Here are the two main participants in the process called “desire”: feelings and will.

Feelings are formed based on your emotional experiences in the process of interaction with the world around you. They reflect the degree of significance of events, phenomena, objects, people in your life. Every feeling you have has its own evolutionary path. It is directly related to your development and upbringing.

The feeling itself is ambiguous: there is a lot of subjectiveness in it. This means that your feelings contain an evaluative attitude towards everything that comes your way, real or abstract, it doesn’t matter. They clearly demonstrate their attitude towards social values and ideals.

Photo by Ali Pazani from Pexels

This level of expression of feelings is very important, since it is directly related to the process of education, and gives an understanding that any of our feelings is a product of human life in society.

Will and choice are twin brothers. Will reflects your ability to make decisions based on your thought process. It also allows you to hold and direct your thoughts and actions towards the implementation of your plans, in accordance with the decision made.

The level of manifestation of will characterizes the strength of personality: your ability to mobilize your mental and physical capabilities to overcome difficulties and obstacles that occur on the way to achieving your goal. Long-term suppression of will can lead to partial or complete disintegration of personality.