Eric Berne's transactional analysis is an extremely important work for modern psychology and psychotherapy. According to Berne, in each of us three of our subpersonalities simultaneously coexist: child, parent and adult. It is these subpersonalities that determine our behavior in every life situation. And it is not always possible to force them to act together.
Today we will talk about the analysis itself, introduce you to your subpersonalities, and also tell you how to make friends with each of the ego states and live in balance and harmony with yourself. But first things first!
Berne's analysis is based on the concept that a person is “programmed” to make decisions in accordance with his past experiences.
Transactional or transactional analysis by Eric Berne
We will try to give a brief and understandable description of the theory.
Berne's analysis is based on the concept that a person is “programmed” to make decisions in accordance with his past experiences. The basis of a person’s current and future life is a “scenario”, in the writing of which his loved ones (especially mom and dad) and/or random psychological trauma took part.
All this greatly simplifies decision-making - “just act as you have already been taught.” But the problem is that most of the learned stereotypes and patterns of behavior are no longer useful or are not at all compatible with life, and often simply do not allow us to be truly happy.
Next, Eric Berne expands on this theory and introduces the concept of three states of your ego: Parent, Child and Adult.
And now it is important not to get confused: this does not mean that we take on these roles on our own. This means that we simultaneously live the stereotypes, behavioral characteristics of all these ego states.
Why know this? To notice contradictions or irrelevance in the attitudes of your subpersonalities, to be able to satisfy each (after all, these are three personalities - each with their own needs and desires), in order to live happily: in harmony not only with yourself, but also with those around you.
Let's look at each of the subpersonalities in more detail and figure out what they are responsible for.
A minimum of development that guarantees the basic survival of humans as a population in the 21st century
What can be generally meant by this very minimum of basic development? What is this anyway? And what do you eat it with, you say? And I will answer. The minimum development necessary for survival can be understood as a number of abilities that guarantee survival and optimal adaptation in modern conditions. Namely:
- Learning ability and trust in the world
- Social financial independence, at least in a number of ways, ensuring the availability of shelter, living conditions for sleep, work or wakefulness.
- Possession of high-quality information that in the future can bring positive results for both you and the space.
- An adequate worldview that does not contradict the canons of modern society. That is, when your God is inside, he does not destroy the outside.
In fact, all these three components are necessary criteria. No more, no less. I remembered the wording: “You may not be a poet, but you must be a citizen.” If we describe this formulation through second attention, then it means the following at the energy level: in order to become a poet, at least learn to be a human being. Finally, personally or in the conditions of the formed reality, make an effort to CALL YOURSELF A PERSON. That's all. And after this, it will be possible to move on to a more detailed consideration of whether you need to be that very poet. Or maybe the path of your soul generally lies in the field of space exploration or other areas of scientific and other fields of activity. The same thing can happen, right? First you need to feel yourself from the inside.
Meet the inner child
The inner child is a part of our psyche. “Ours” is true, because it contains a large part of our real “I”. The inner child helps with creativity and self-expression. He is also a source of energy, emotions and ambitious aspirations. This is a world of fantasy and curiosity, adventurism and spontaneity.
It is he who expresses our entire life experience: from intrauterine sensations to birth and childhood. The inner child records all our bodily sensations, emotions, feelings, remembers childhood needs and attitudes.
He is characterized by specific reactions - projections of us in childhood. That is, sometimes this inner child can push us into not the most adequate, childish behavior, but at the same time, it is he who allows us to enjoy life and achieve our purely “adult” goals. And its influence on our lives is difficult to overestimate. Especially the “wounded” Child. Thus, people who watched in childhood how their own mother was beaten or tyrannized by their father are inclined to find themselves an abuser or be aggressive towards their significant other. Of course, such injuries need to be worked through.
The inner child has two extremes: too dominant, or completely “downtrodden” - when you deliberately or unconsciously do not give him free rein. Both conditions are dangerous.
The development of the inner Child to the dominant subpersonality leads to the fact that a person becomes disorganized, ineffective at work, and unpunctual. Also, such a person may be overly anxious or emotional - reacting to every minor trouble as if it were a fatal event. In relationships with others, the Child tends to project his childhood grievances, take an infantile position and be a victim, which in general is an unconscious manipulation.
Otherwise, we are faced with a squeezed Child. For example, this happens if a person had to endure a lot of bullying and humiliation in childhood, then a person can simply “block” his inner child. Which will lead to the fact that he will hardly be able to enjoy life. No child - no emotions, remember?
In such cases, your personality is dominated by the Parent ego, and this is a completely different character.
The development of the inner Child to the dominant subpersonality leads to the fact that a person becomes disorganized, ineffective at work, and unpunctual
Signs of an infantile person
Here it is rational to talk about infantilism. Infantility is, in a figurative sense, a naive approach to life. An infantile person is one whose behavior is dominated by immaturity, unwillingness to take responsibility and make decisions on his own, a lack of life goals, and a lack of desire to change something in himself and in life in general.
The opposite word to infantilism is an adult position. What are the signs of an infantile person?
1. Impossibility of independent existence
He cannot make decisions of average complexity, he constantly wants to call his parents, girlfriend, ask his husband/wife even some minor questions. He consults with everyone, tries to delegate matters to someone else and not take responsibility.
And if a person did it, and it didn’t work out, then he will blame the one who didn’t help him or suggested him to do this: “You told me to do this, but it didn’t work out, so it’s your fault.” The responsibility of such people is at a minimum level.
The person has poor time control
This can be in various forms, ranging from work moments and personal life. It seems difficult for him to stay within biological rhythms. He can sleep a lot of time, lie in bed until lunch. It's like he needs some kind of kick to get him out of bed.
A person may have absolutely no idea what time he should go to bed. He has a lost connection with time frames; he does not feel them.
3. Can’t tell the truth and what exactly he needs
He may be offended and not talk about it. He will claim: “No, no, nothing offended me,” although the face will give a different truthful version. This is an infantile position that spoils relationships and causes a lot of conflicts in a person’s life.
That's why you don't want to deal with an infantile person. You will always be at fault. And if you advise something, you will help, and if you don’t.
There is no desire to deal with such people, because a person cannot speak openly about his feelings or desires. And at this moment you need to guess or read the thoughts of your interlocutor. We get tired very quickly around such people.
Inner Parent
The Parent ego state reflects in us the projection, the images of our parents. Moreover, the parents here are not necessarily just mom and dad, they are, in general, all the people who were involved in our upbringing: relatives, teachers, neighbors.
From them we adopt ideas about life - “what is good, what is bad” or “who is bad and who is good.”
If the child is responsible for emotions, then the Parent is responsible for norms, traditions and ethics.
But this Parent is almost always with us - it is also formed in childhood, therefore it can dictate irrelevant attitudes to us and make our behavior inadequate. And this despite all his rationality.
The fact is that our inner Parent can grow up to be caring - if we're lucky. But in practice, not everyone is lucky, which is why our Parent grows up to criticize. It can throw a spanner in the works when you do something objectively right and good. For example, you are working on your project, and your inner parent demotivates you with his assessments “you won’t achieve anything”, “this is not good enough”, “you need to try harder”. Well-known phrases for people with excellent student syndrome
.
In a word, everything related to grades is the activity of the Parent. Everything that concerns emotions comes from the Child.
So who's in charge?
Inner Adult
An adult is the most intelligent and conscious part of our personality. It involves analyzing reality (and not the stereotypical worlds of our other personalities), comprehending facts, objectivity, achieving goals and adequate communication with others. The most curious thing is that the maturity of our Adult depends on how much that same caring Parent and free Child are formed in us.
Thus, the Adult is called upon to listen to both subpersonalities and make final decisions.
Everything is in balance
You might think that since the child is responsible for happiness, then he is our main personality. This is partly true. Every person is a child, an adult and a parent at the same time. If a child helps us feel happy, then a Parent and Adult are something that helps us restrain his impulsive and irrational impulses.
In a healthy balance they work together, for example:
A child wants to buy ice cream for his entire salary,
The parent evaluates: your throat will hurt, you will gain weight, this is reckless,
An adult weighs both opinions and desires: “Well, I can definitely afford one ice cream.”
All subpersonalities are satisfied, and you are happy.
Meditation as a way to work through and launch the mechanisms of transformation of your inner adult
In life there may be the presence of different situational variations. And it makes no sense to describe them all in a global format. I think and feel that I will attract people into my field who are conscious and capable of understanding the meaning of the words contained in the article. Well, or those people who will strive for this awareness one way or another. I am ready to provide support to all beginners. I think many of you have already felt that in my articles I do not pursue exclusively selfish needs, but that I am a kind of middle link - the same conductor of knowledge along the way for everyone I meet. You know what advanced businessmen do in order to pull themselves to a new level of awareness - they attract a certain third party into their field.
Which is ready and can give a completely sobering look at the situation and the person takes a powerful step forward, the blinders fall and everything works out. So, I am one of those who is able to give this look, information and perspective and launch into space mechanisms that heal society. This is my calling. Not everyone has access to qualified psychic education, and to be honest, at least some education cannot always guarantee the ability to survive in terms of having minimal financial resources, and this is a fact that many people face today.
Meditation is good if it is the beginning of the path. And it’s always good if its use is disciplinary in nature. As for the inner adult, in particular, it is useful to develop this part within oneself for those whose projects involve a long-term and preferably confidential nature of interaction with others. Colleagues, or people involved in the personal field for the development of various projects or businesses. For example, for business, although this is rarely found in modern society, which carries a connotation of family.
And for a family business as such, a priori, it will be very useful for each of the participants to work on the very part that is responsible for the qualities of the inner adult and the result will be “Hurray.” I don’t say goodbye to this, there are still many different informational articles ahead, there is no such thing as too much knowledge. You can leave comments, or suggest a topic for future articles, it would be great. You can find out how and where you can leave a suggestion about the topic of the article, or sign up for a TAROT consultation by reading the sections in the table of contents of the site.
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How to find balance and what to do if it is broken
In a healthy, mature personality, all ego states are mobile, conscious and easily replace each other without contradictions and internal conflicts.
Mobile
- means that they are ready to give in in favor of a decision that is beneficial for the whole person.
Realize
- means that you understand from whom and what intention comes.
Subpersonalities in balance complement each other, representing a holistic personality.
Therefore, it is important to reach out and feel your Child and Adult, to hear their needs. This is especially true for a Child. After all, most of us have learned to live within limitations, with incredible demands on ourselves—the inner Parent thrives.
But along with him, the Child also lives in us - and this is literally a third of your psyche and personality, which is a boy or girl of 4-8 years old.
As practice shows, most of the children were greatly offended at some point in childhood: we were criticized, disliked, sometimes manipulated and drawn into adult games, deceived. And we couldn’t do anything about it - we had neither the resources nor the skills, we were just children.
Now your task is to take care of him now and correct the unfair mistakes of the past, becoming the best adult in your life for all subpersonalities, to heal your inner child.
Healing the inner child
Everyone can find, talk to and take care of their inner Child. In the process of his healing, the person himself observes positive changes in his life. Those who practice communication with their Child note:
- liberation from the “stone in the soul” by releasing emotions;
- realize their needs and satisfy them;
- change incorrect and toxic patterns of behavior and communication;
- missing emancipation;
- self-confidence and increased self-esteem.
Of course, mistrust and skepticism in the search for “some kind of Child in the head of an adult and adequate person” may be present. In this case, we recommend that you treat the search for the Child as an awareness and processing of childhood traumas, studying your own past experience - this is how you can also establish contact: through curiosity and research interest. Remembering the inner world of the Child = better understanding of your real self.
There are several approaches to finding your inner Child. One of the most practiced is like something between meditation
and dialogue - visualization. When we vividly imagine certain circumstances, the same areas in the brain are activated, as if the action were happening in reality. That is, for him there is practically no difference in whether we imagine ourselves as children or really refer to ourselves as a little one. That's why it works flawlessly.
So, the invitation is to literally imagine yourself as a child. Imagine the room, remember the hairstyle, see what he does. Now imagine your meeting. Meet him, find out how old he is.
At the same time, pay attention to your own sensations: perhaps you feel it somewhere in your body? Perhaps contact with him causes you negative emotions - pity or resentment?
It’s quite normal if you don’t get a response and contact the first time - think, what if this is natural, did you trust strangers as a child? If not, then be prepared not to act hastily here either: trust must be earned. At first, you can just sit next to him, play a game with him, or just watch him.
Next comes the healing itself. Let us remember that it must come from the position of a mature, better Adult. Surround him with the missing love, understanding, acceptance. Express your feelings tactilely, if you feel that the Child is missing this, you can really hug yourself and address it to the Child. Tell him that you love and accept him.
You can discuss specific childhood episodes with him. Tell why mom or dad treated him in an unpleasant way. Why, in the end, didn’t they buy him that same doll or allow him to eat exclusively sweets?
The problems of your inner Child may seem both serious and completely funny to an adult - but in any case they must be taken into account.
Often therapy begins with a woman over forty going out and buying herself a pink ballgown, because 35 years ago she was very hurt by the fact that she had to wear an old dress to a matinee. And this is absolutely normal practice.
It’s quite normal if you don’t get a response and contact the first time - think, what if this is natural, did you trust strangers as a child?
Useful practice for developing and fully analyzing your inner adult for everyone
To start practicing you will need:
- ventilated room,
- relaxing environment,
- purified water at room temperature,
- napkins,
- notebook and pens. You can choose colors at your discretion.
- About an hour of personal time to carry out internal transformation
Make yourself as comfortable as possible, you can also turn on relaxing music, classics or any meditation in audio format will do. And you ask yourself just two questions. The first question will be:
What should a man or woman do (here is your gender).
Take a piece of paper or a notebook and write down everything that comes to mind until you get absolutely everything out of yourself. I’ll say right away - everything that comes out of you will be what society, relatives, friends, or what, for a number of reasons, you have instilled in yourself. This list is the very state of the inner adult, your personal inner adult. Now you know more about yourself than before. Further. The second question will be:
What am I doing? Similar to the previous point - write down everything that comes to mind. This will be a cool internal transformation. You can also analyze whether you are capable and have developed the qualities of an inner adult or not? You will be surprised at many things when you realize that in many ways you still show the qualities of a child. Being an adult person, and if this is so, then it’s time to grow up and you need to do this before a sash of water or a brick falls on your head. It's up to you.
If interested, you can further refine your systematic work on yourself and describe what a man or woman should do at different periods of time in their life. In this case, you will really understand whether you are a baby doll. The practice is very exciting, I love it. Now let's return to the topic of the article.
There are other ways to work through childhood traumas
If searching for the Child in your fantasies does not work, then psychologists offer methods such as writing a letter to yourself in childhood. You can address anything to your little self. But it would be great to include the same words of acceptance and support in the letter. It is also suggested that you mentally sit your little self on a real-life chair and try to talk to him out loud.
Often, the empty chair method is also used in cases where your Child has a grudge against his parents: then mom or dad ends up in the chair, and you tell them everything that has hurt you for years.
Don’t forget that all emotions come from the inner Child - he feeds you with them, he feeds on them himself. Therefore, do not forget to please him - with walks, dances, antics and tomfoolery. Look for the company on invme!
This practice will help you find harmony within yourself - not immediately, but over time. If you catch yourself in the fact that the Child or Parent dominates so much that life turns into hell, then it is better to do all this as part of therapy with a specialist.
What is an inner adult from the point of view of science, religion and esotericism?
Maybe it just so happens that you are a complete idiot and don’t understand what all these terms about parts of personality mean. Who and what is writing to me here and everything in this spirit, then take your time with practice and carefully study the materials of the three articles as a whole in order to understand whether you need all this action with elaboration, but in general, an extra analysis will not hurt anyone. See for yourself, at the level of sensations, if it is developed, of course. You will find the necessary materials in the portal feed. In general, I can recommend the practice described above to everyone whose age is over 18 years.
This is the very time, regulated by the legislation of our country, when age comes and you can tell a teenager - “That he is an adult,” an adult, at least from the point of view of the law of the Russian Federation. I'll continue. The following can be said about the inner adult. This is a somewhat mature guy inside you who is adapted to society, can earn money and in the future or already has a family, can provide for it both financially and morally or in any other aspects. This is such a responsible part within you. Male or female, from the point of view of science and psychology, this is usually how that inner adult is described. In religion, the description is somewhat distorted, but it is also present.
