Internal dialogue is a person’s continuous communication with himself. An alternative name is autocommunication. Psychologists believe that the internal dialogue does not stop for a minute, but a person is not always aware of this. If you do not control the process, then healthy self-analysis of the individual turns into soul-searching and self-flagellation. Why it is important to manage your internal dialogue and how to do it - we’ll figure it out.
What is internal dialogue
What is internal dialogue? This is a dialogue between a person and himself. Usually this is reasoning “to oneself”, but sometimes the subject talks to himself out loud. Remember how you give yourself instructions, say something, make plans for the day: “So, I did this, I did that. I still need to do this,” “What should I do now, and what should I put off until later?” Or how you analyze a past or upcoming conversation with someone: “How can I behave better? What if I say this? No, it's probably better to say it differently. How?”, “Why did I react this way to his words?”, “This is how I should have responded.” This is internal dialogue.
Important! Internal dialogue is a person’s analysis of his thoughts, words, actions, feelings. This is an appeal to oneself on behalf of different social roles and on behalf of different subpersonalities. Sometimes it's just analysis, sometimes it turns into a struggle between the light side and the dark side.
Anastasia
prepress specialist
In my case, the inner voice sounds like my own. Basically, he says: “Nastya, stop it,” “Nastya, don’t be stupid,” and “Nastya, you’re a fool!” This voice appears infrequently: when I feel disorganized, when my own actions make me dissatisfied. The voice is not angry - rather irritated.
I never heard my mother’s, my grandmother’s, or anyone else’s voice in my thoughts: only my own. He can scold me, but within certain limits: without humiliation. This voice is more like my coach: it presses buttons that encourage me to act.
Inner dialogue as a friend
I think that after analyzing the definition, you realized that all people are familiar with internal dialogue. And also, I think you guessed that he can be both a friend and an enemy. For example, are you familiar with this state: “I can’t concentrate on anything else, thoughts about… keep popping into my head. I don’t even know how best to act in this situation.” And that’s all: work stops, energy is spent, others around you get it because of your absent-mindedness and irritability. This is an example of the negative impact of self-talk. We'll talk about how to deal with this below. In the meantime, let’s look at the features of internal dialogue as a friend.
Selection function
Have you ever thought about how many decisions we make in a day? How many of them do we accept automatically? Internal dialogue is constantly working, but you don't always notice it. Meanwhile, the more often you give up autopilot, the more conscious your life as a whole becomes. Teach yourself to make conscious decisions even in small things like brushing your teeth, preparing breakfast, etc. For example, instead of standard and automatic sandwiches, prepare porridge or an omelette, complement the first with fruits, and the second with vegetables. Prepare different foods for breakfast.
It's little things like this that make up your overall awareness. A person becomes the master of his life. Dependence on other people's opinions disappears, self-confidence increases, and mood improves. In addition, it becomes easier to make choices in more complex and global issues. Learn to live in the present moment.
Guide to Fantasies
I believe you have heard the advice that if a solution to a problem does not come, then you just need to take your mind off it. Perhaps this answer even annoyed you. However, there is a rational grain in this. If you switch, this does not mean that the internal discussion stops. It continues, but is even more effective because the subconscious is involved in the work. And there is stored something that you do not remember, and accordingly, with conscious analysis, you cannot reproduce. But it is there that a clue may be hidden that will help in solving the current problem.
Brainstorm
Just as self-talk produces unexpected solutions to problems, it prompts creative ideas. A flight of fancy gives freedom for creativity. Brainstorm alone with yourself. The essence of the exercise: you put forward any, even the most fantastic ideas on some issue. Write down any associations. At the first stage, do not criticize. After that, you enter the role of a critic and now evaluate the list of ideas and select the best ones. You can combine parts of different ideas. And so you do until you find a realistic and best idea.
Walking trail (36)
This is a type of Indian chain in which each participant, with the exception of the leader, follows closely behind the one in front.
In this case, all participants walk in step, moving their legs synchronously - simultaneously the left one, then the right one at the same time. The foot is placed in the footprint of the same foot of the person walking in front (even if the print of the footprint is not actually visible - you, as it were, “visualize” this print and step into it).
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The main thing here is to step exactly in the footsteps of the person in front and not lose your footing, even with an unexpected change in speed or terrain. This is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance, you just have to really concentrate on this task.
The exercise should last at least an hour (longer - as much as you like). If you do it correctly, in accordance with all the requirements stated above, then soon a kind of “bubble of perception” will arise that will “absorb” the group. During the exercise, the sense of one’s own ego is gradually lost, and the person begins to feel more and more like part of a single group, a collective. The most amazing thing is that in this state people are able to walk without feeling any signs of fatigue. 'On the contrary, they seem to receive a charge of energy, they feel renewed, reborn.
Techniques for managing internal dialogue
Internal dialogue helps a person make decisions and understand himself. Healthy self-analysis eliminates internal conflicts and psychological problems. However, sometimes, instead, internal dialogue creates doubts, paralyzes and prevents the individual from moving forward. The process of internal communication with oneself cannot be left uncontrolled; it is important to learn to control inner speech.
Note! Not always only one person participates in the internal dialogue. Sometimes images from the past are inserted into it. Without analysis and control, other people's beliefs can be mistaken for your own thoughts. The problem is that attitudes and beliefs imposed by other people are not always beneficial for the individual.
Managing internal dialogue is based on just two elements: awareness and immediate change. Let's take a closer look at both components.
Awareness and acceptance
Some people, noticing that they are being haunted by some thoughts, feeling a hum, noise in their heads, try to block it. But this only makes things worse. You can't ignore your internal dialogue, even if you don't like its content. For awareness and acceptance, you need to give him freedom.
Think about where the dialogue is leading you, what problems it raises, what needs and desires it points to. Using a diary, track when the thought flow intensifies and what is discussed most often. Make a portrait of your internal dialogue. Determine what principles and stereotypes it is based on, what attitudes and patterns are involved.
Examples of a destructive pattern:
- You go over an unpleasant situation over and over again, but do not come to a solution to the problem.
- You come up with the most negative scenarios for the development of events and because of this you cannot decide to make changes in your life.
- You always give in to difficulties, because in the process of internal conversation, someone’s attitudes “You won’t succeed”, “If you take a risk, you’ll be left with nothing” win.
Patterns like these need to be changed. After determining the framework of the internal dialogue, you can move on to changing it directly.
Changing Thoughts
How to change your self-talk pattern:
- Monitor negative thoughts, circular fixation on a problem, and “I can’t do it” attitudes. To begin, arrange a written analysis of each situation. For example, you want to do something, but you doubt it, and your inner voice convinces you that you can’t do it. Write down in writing all the negative attitudes regarding this and select a counterbalance fact for each point. Refer to your experience, remember your abilities and skills. In general, learn to think positively and rationally analyze each situation. Over time, you will be able to conduct the same analysis mentally, rather than on paper.
- When focusing on your experience, do not forget to use the prism of the present. What does it mean? Suppose you are afraid of your authoritative and not very adequate parent (another person). Just like in childhood, he continues to push you around, humiliates you, and may hit you. Yes, childhood experience tells you that you need to endure - there is no other option. But look at it differently: as a child you were physically, psychologically, financially dependent on your parent. But now you are an adult. You can fight back. How exactly depends on the situation. In a word, by force, by law (yes, if there are grounds, then why not protect yourself legally) - as you want and as the situation requires, as will be clearer to the person.
- Focus on your successes, achievements, and strengths. Learn to analyze mistakes and learn from them. Don't go around in circles, becoming self-flagellation. The past cannot be undone. The only thing you can do is not to repeat the same mistake. And your task is to think about what needs to be done and how to do this.
Don't expect quick and easy changes. The longer you have lived with a destructive type of thinking, the more difficult it will be to rebuild your internal dialogue. Maintain intrinsic motivation. How? Keep a diary where you celebrate your achievements. When you think that “everything is bad” and “nothing is working out,” then go back a few sheets of paper and compare before and after, study the path you’ve taken. Then you will realize how much has already been done, and this will force you to move forward.
Note! The basis of internal dialogue is the question. Therefore, learn to correctly identify the problem and ask yourself leading questions.
Why do you constantly have thoughts about dialogue with another person or offender after a quarrel?
Because you have no control over your mind. He turns you around as he wants. And he can make plans for revenge all night, replay situations, build dialogues, dream and torment you without sleep until the morning. So who is he after this?
Let go of the situation, it’s already the past, and it can’t be changed. Enjoy the present.
- Watch a comedy
- KVN is okay, sometimes there are funny jokes there too. Take a break from the situation, forget it at least for a while.
- Turn on relaxing music.
- Have sex passionately.
- Go to the cinema.
Gradually the severity of the situation will go away. The main thing here is to put it aside, detach yourself, try not to think. She shouldn't be in your thoughts. Ignore her and drive away as soon as she appears. Gradually it will begin to melt and then disappear completely.
Control your thoughts. As soon as they return to this unpleasant topic, forcefully switch them to something pleasant and good.
Advantages and disadvantages
Benefits of internal dialogue:
- helps in reasoning and thinking about pressing issues, solving problems;
- when controlling the process, it has a positive effect on mood, self-esteem, and confidence;
- helps a person understand himself.
Disadvantages of internal dialogue:
- without control over the process, it negatively affects mood, self-esteem, and confidence;
- without control, he works constantly, does not allow him to rest and relax (roar of thoughts);
- without control, it increases anxiety and current internal contradictions.
As you may have guessed, internal dialogue has a number of neutral characteristics. They become positive or negative depending on whether a person knows how to manage the process of communication with himself, turn it on and off, or does not know how.
Why control it?
Concentrating on negative thoughts causes the release of cortisol - the stress hormone. It destroys neurons in the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for forming new memories. This is how we get stuck in long-past situations and experience them over and over again.
Negative thoughts are precursors to negative emotions: sadness, anger and anxiety. Scientists have found using executive control training to suppress amygdala reactivity to aversive information that you can switch emotions purposefully. To do this you need to control your thoughts.
Thought control does not guarantee instant and absolute happiness, but it is a huge step towards it.
The power of positive thinking is not just an annoying cliché, it is a description of a real phenomenon. Detachment from negative thoughts reduces activity in the amygdala. This area of the brain is responsible for strong emotions, including sadness and anxiety. Pleasant thoughts increase activity in the frontal cortex, which is responsible for emotional regulation.
Clearing your mind of unnecessary thoughts allows you to choose which emotions to experience. You gain peace of mind. This means courage and a lot of energy for new achievements, fresh solutions for stagnant situations and freedom to act not according to the old template, but according to one’s own will.
My experience
My dialogue with myself in its negative manifestation makes itself felt in the evening (when I go to bed) after a busy day at work or after a hard day. It happens: you want to fall asleep, but there is a swarm of thoughts in your head. What do I do in this case? I give the desired direction to my thoughts. Sometimes I fantasize about something from the opera “if everything were possible” (occasionally it’s good to relax like that), but more often I imagine something positive and quite real.
For example, I think about an event I’m expecting or review global goals (visualize, remember what I’ve already done and what I’ll do next, how easily I can do it), etc. And in such a positive atmosphere, without noticing it, I fall asleep. And, by the way, after such a mood, dreams are more pleasant than after lights out under a swarm of incoherent thoughts.
I manage my self-talk at any other time in the same way.
Forms of expression
Dialogue is clearly manifested in conversation, discussion and argument. The first form is a consistent exchange of opinions that promotes understanding and clarification of the properties of a particular object and description of the situation. Similar views of the interlocutors and a friendly attitude towards each other are assumed.
Confrontation manifests itself in a dispute. Participants defend exclusively their position, defend their own point of view, trying to win the conversation. There are rarely cases when the parties manage to reach a compromise; as a rule, everyone remains unconvinced. Incorrect behavior, rudeness and insults leading to a fight cannot be ruled out. There is no emotional coloring if the subjects decide to write mutual complaints to each other.
Discussion as a form of dialogue is a clear, consistent and reasonable assessment of different opinions and views. It is based on the following principles:
- comparison;
- competent and understandable argumentation;
- review and evaluation.
This type of interaction is considered the most effective; it often occurs in the political sphere in the form of polemics or debates.
In addition, public and face-to-face dialogues are distinguished. In the first case, it is not possible to tell the opponent what would be acceptable in private. What is important here is the ability to convince not only the interlocutor, but also the rest of those present, using iron logic and the ability to defend one’s position.
Prepare for public conversations in advance if the topic of discussion is known. It is recommended to draw up a plan for statements and rebuttals. Gradually, you can add some facts, theses, and also study special terminology.
